love at first sight
theeflowerchild
huit
There is never a moment where Sasuke doesn't find Sakura attractive, but there is a time when he finds her most beautiful. She is, of course, a stunning girl, with flowing hair the color of roses, and eyes as green as fresh, summer grass. She is tiny, and peach-colored, with cheeks kissed by rubies and lips painted all sorts of pretty colors. She is graceful, with lithe limbs, and the walk of a ballerina. It goes without saying that he finds her exquisite when she demands his attention with her candy curls, and rolling floral dresses on the train in the stale morning, but there is a time where she simply takes his breath away.
Sasuke finds her most beautiful at the hospital, when those curls are tied up in a tiny ponytail on the back of her head, long bangs flying in her face, sweat licking her hairline. When her eyeliner is smudged from the rush, and her cheeks are flushed with blood. When she's in pastel scrubs, and pristine, white sneakers. When she's smiling, eyes twinkling like emeralds, voice as sweet as sugar. Sasuke finds Sakura most beautiful when she is in love.
Sakura is in love when she's carrying files down hallways one could easily get lost in. Sakura is in love when she's filling out paperwork at the nurses' station. Sakura is in love when she's laughing with the geriatrics in the ICU. Sakura is in love when she's playing with the children in oncology. Sakura is in love when Tsunade is yelling her name across the hospital from the loudspeaker. Sakura is in love when she learns a new tool, a new term, a new disease, a new cure. Sakura is in love with a hospital that Sasuke is sure she frequents more than her own home, and she is most beautiful where he feels most suffocated.
Like clockwork, she's there, of course, sitting at her favorite table in the cafeteria over a plate of brown spaghetti that she'll only pick at. He wonders if she does this on purpose, chooses the time when he eats to settle in his line of vision, all lucid smiles, and shimmering eyes, but he knows that's not possible. Of course she has no idea, no inkling to even consider doing anything teasing, spiteful, or reproachful. Nobody knows. Hell, he barely understands.
She has a book open, a book that looks thicker than her own waist, probably some thesis that would be even confusing for him, and she skims it like she understands. She's a smart girl, he knows: Valedictorian, pre-med; she'll probably be accepted into some of the best schools in the country, far, far away from Konoha.
But he won't think about that right now.
She flips the page and nods her head, ponytail flopping with her. Sasuke normally finds himself attracted to long hair, but he can't imagine anything but a little pixie cut on her, framing her heart-shaped face with long bangs and wavy ends. He wonders if she ever had long hair, and what she may have looked like with sweeping curls down to her waist, a long ponytail down her back—beautiful, probably. He can't imagine her not.
She pauses on what's probably a particularly hard idea, biting on her—red, today—bottom lip in thought. She reaches for a highlighter and outlines something, something probably important, something she'll want to save for later, and then nods her head. When Sasuke was her age, he'd never find himself doing something like this, work outside of what he had to do; sure, he studied, and sure, he was smart, and yeah, he had things he enjoyed, but he simply never had and probably never will have this kind of dedication, this kind of love for anything like she does.
Except, maybe, for her. He could dedicate himself to her.
She must be stressed, he thinks. The purple of her under eyes drags her down, he notices with a small frown as she shuts her eyes for a moment. She must not get a lot of sleep, but, considering her schedule, that makes sense. She goes to school early, early in the morning, spends probably eight hours there. She probably has extracurriculars, maybe a sport, even, because everybody knows colleges look at those. Maybe she sings, plays an instrument, or dances—he wouldn't put it past her—or maybe she draws, or she's the class President. After school, she goes directly to the hospital, sometimes until eight, when she's supposed to leave, and on late shifts, when he's around until deep into the night, he'll even see her leave around one, two AM, just to get back up the next day and do it all again. Of course she's exhausted, of course she stained violet with debility, who wouldn't be with all those commitments?
He sees her sigh, pink cheeks puffed, before diving back into her reading. He wonders if it's something Tsunade has assigned her, or leisure reading—or, whatever you could call that kind of deliberate reading. He wouldn't put the latter past her. Still, she looks content, serene as she delves into the depths of some text that she's probably not advanced enough to truly understand—or maybe she is. Maybe she's even smarter than she lets on, even smarter than the smartest girl in Leaf Academy.
"Uh, bastard?" a voice interrupts his thoughts. "Did you listen to anything I just said?"
"No," he snaps immediately, thrown from his train, his frown turning into a grimace. "Why would I listen to your stupid bullshit?"
Naruto rolls his big, blue eyes, and smiles. Sakura and Naruto have that in common, Sasuke notes; perhaps Sakura isn't as severe as the blazing inferno he hesitantly calls a best friend, but they're both always smiling, always pleasant. They are selfless, take everything with a grain of salt, and do what they love, no matter how challenging. Maybe there is a pattern in who Sasuke surrounds himself with: shining stars, magnets, social butterflies; completing himself with others when he can't do so on his own. "Because I listen to yours."
Sasuke scoffs. "As if I speak as needlessly as you do."
Naruto's smile turns into a grin. "Somebody has to cover up your brooding aura with some conversation, asshole."
He rolls his eyes. "What do you want, idiot?"
Naruto purses his lips, hides his amusement behind feigned upset. "You say that as if I'm the one that totally spaced out in the middle of you talking."
Sasuke fixes a fierce glare on his features that Naruto takes as playful. Naruto is never offended by Sasuke's harsh demeanor, or "never quite as cruel as they are executed" intentions, and though he'll never admit it, he is thankful. "Do you want me to listen, or not?"
The blonde pauses for a moment, and then settles for a smile. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely ignored…" he pauses again, waits for a glare he knows he won't receive as he guilts Sasuke a little further into a corner. Like he suspects, Sasuke simply sighs and nods his head, motioning him forward, and he continues. "You know Yamanaka? That nurse?"
Sasuke raises an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Come on, I just asked you a question, bastard!" he exclaims. "Answer!"
He recesses for a moment, thinking, before shaking his head. "What does she look like?"
He thinks for a moment. "Uh, tall, and blonde…" he lists.
"Wow, tall and blonde, that narrows it down," he sneers with a frown. "That easily describes you, idiot."
"I wasn't done," he argues, a sheepish look on his face. "She's a knockout. The one with the blue eyes, hair always up in a ponytail? She works in the ICU with Hinata-chan."
Sasuke remembers her almost immediately, an incredibly attractive woman maybe a little younger than him with legs like towers, and a tiny waist. "Aa."
Naruto nods his head, his smile filling his face even further. His scars pull at his cheeks mischievously, and Sasuke automatically knows that something is up. "What do you think of her?"
He raises an eyebrow. "What are you up to, moron?"
"Again, I asked you a question!" he repeats, and if ever Naruto could smirk, it would be in the form of the shit-eating grin on his face.
Sasuke sighs loudly, exasperated. "I don't know, I don't think we've ever even spoken. She may have given me a file once or twice?"
Naruto nods his head, spikes flying around him as his smile widens even further, if possible. "Well, bastard, she certainly has a few thoughts about you!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asks, slightly confused, but more annoyed than anything else.
Naruto rolls his eyes. "Oh, you know!" he claims. "She won't shut up about you!"
"And?" he deadpans, dry.
He looks shocked, almost appalled, jaw dropped. "One of the hottest nurses in the whole hospital is talking about you and you don't even care?"
Sasuke shrugs, and begins tucking back into his long-forgotten dinner nonchalantly. "Why am I supposed to care?"
"Uh, bastard," Naruto starts, frowning, "Ino Yamanaka wants your number."
"I'll add her to the list," he mocks, taking a bite of his nearly spoiled salad. For a hospital, they don't really take care of the food.
"Hinata-chan can give it to her, if you want," Naruto continues, ignoring the jibe. "I'm sure Ino would be interested."
Sasuke huffs, leaning back into his chair as he remembers why he forgot his dinner in the first place. "I'll pass."
"Do you have any hormones?" he questions, not so much surprised, as he is a little bored with his best friend's lack of change.
"I do," he says. He wants to make a comment like 'you don't even know the half of it,' but decides against it. He casts a quick look to the pinkette, still enraptured in the text, and then at the clock. She'll leave in the next ten minutes—early, of course, to get back to work.
"Sasuke, you're nearly thirty-years-old—"
"Twenty-eight," he corrects quickly, eyes narrowing.
"—Yeah, yeah, okay, whatever, twenty-eight," he agrees with a raised eyebrow, but doesn't push it. "When's the last time you went on a date?"
"I've been on dates," he argues, evades.
"When? In college?" he questions with a long sigh. "It's not going to hurt you to accept a date from a gorgeous woman."
"I've been on dates recently," he lies. Sasuke can't remember the last time he took a woman out on a date, let alone for just a drink. The thought hasn't even crossed his mind for a very long time.
"Come on, Sasuke, give the girl your number," he whines. "What's the worst that can happen? You don't like her?"
"I'm not interested," he states, and his tone is final.
Realizing pushing will do nothing for the stubborn Uchiha; Naruto sighs once more, long and agitated. "You're a real fucking piece of work, asshole."
"That's pretty ironic coming from you," he jeers, meeting Naruto's sigh with a scowl.
Naruto glares at his friend for a moment, fierce, like an ocean's harsh waves, but retracts not even a second later, believing his glare is more at his inability to get through to his friend than actually at his friend. It isn't like Naruto to hold grudges, or to be harsh. It's like Naruto to forgive, and forget, and it's exactly what he does, and moves on. "How have you been doing lately, man?"
"Fine," he responds curtly. "Like I've always been."
The blonde smiles: small and sad. "Yeah, yeah, like you've always been, of course."
For a moment, Naruto thinks Sasuke is going to say something nasty, like he always does, but the man just sighs, an ancient sigh of exhaustion Naruto isn't quite sure he truly understands. "Don't worry about it," he says.
He pauses for a moment, and then nods his head. "Yeah, okay, sure."
"Thanks," he breaths, and begins tapping on the plastic table. It isn't very Sasuke to be jittery, but he doesn't question it.
"Anything new going on?" he questions wearily, a different approach.
Sasuke shrugs, as if to say nothing, of course, like it's always been, but then his eyes flash. "Yeah, actually."
Naruto's eyes widen a fraction as he leans in across the table, curious. "What's up?"
Sasuke rolls his eyes at his friend. "Nothing to get that excited about, idiot."
He automatically leans back in his chair, blushing slightly, embarrassed. "I wasn't excited, asshole."
He raises an eyebrow, smirks, but doesn't comment on it. "Suigetsu is coming to visit."
Naruto doesn't even try to hide his widened eyes at that. "So soon? Are you even ready to handle Suigetsu? It's only been a few months since he last came here!"
Sasuke chuckles, and it's the first time Naruto has heard him laugh in a while, which causes his eyes to widen even further. He almost smiles. "I think I can handle myself, dumbass."
"When's he coming?" he asks.
"Yeah, about that," he starts. "I was gonna ask if you could maybe get him from the train on Friday? Since you're not working, and you're closer to the station…"
"Oh, yeah, of course!" he offers, no questions asked as he grins wildly. "I'd love to see the old fucker!"
Sasuke rolls his eyes. "You two together are something I am not looking forward to."
"I'll be over for a drink, definitely!" he says, grinning.
He smirks. "If Hinata lets you."
Naruto scoffs. "As if she controls me."
"Please, you trail after like a lost puppy," he claims, and pushes away thoughts of how he must seem when Sakura is in the room, within the vicinity, in the same building as him.
He casts her a longing look when Naruto takes a sip of his ramen, almost frustrated. She'll be leaving any moment now.
"Get back to me when you have a woman of your own," he counters after devouring the rest of his soup, doesn't even seem annoyed. "Believe me, they're better off pleased."
"I can imagine," he agrees. He wonders if Sakura is like that, with so many expectations, needing pleasure and reassurance all the time, but thinks of course not. Sakura is her own person, with her own life, and future, and Sakura doesn't need anybody else to make her happy. Sakura makes herself happy; what she needs is a partner, and Sasuke reminds himself he will never be that.
As if on cue, she stands up, textbook nestled between her body and arm, tray in one hand. She seems like she's concentrated deeply in her thoughts, highlighter placed cutely behind one ear as she purses her lips. She leaves her tray on the garbage, and places the book in her hands.
Like clockwork, like he expects her too, like he's ready for it, she turns his way, recognizes him immediately, and grins. Her smile lights up the room, he thinks, brighter than any sun or horrible fluorescent lighting ever could. She waves at him with her unoccupied hand, nearly losing hold the book, but catches herself as gracefully as ever.
He smirks, a practiced one, and nods toward her, like he always does—calm, and collected, and what a façade, and she leaves like it's nothing. The butterflies crash in his ribcage, harsh and unforgiving, as he watches pink hair disappear behind swinging doors.
It will be okay, he thinks; as Naruto chatters on about something he doesn't really care about. Everything will be alright, the butterflies will cease, and calm, like the jelly in his knees, and the churning of his stomach. His thoughts will slow from a flutter to a leisurely stroll, the stutter of his fingers will calm, and he'll be okay, he reassures himself, just like every other day.
Later that day, Sasuke is interrupted from his paperwork by a knock on the door that he is familiar with, and is surprised by. She always knocks four times: the first two long, and the last two short.
"Come in," he whispers, softer than he intends, and wonders if she even heard him.
His thoughts are confirmed when she opens the door, and he's greeted by a mess of pink hair, and a small, friendly smile that sends his heart thumping. "Hey, Uchiha-sama," she says, and her voice makes his throat go dry. "I have a file Tsunade-shishou wanted me to give to you."
He sees the thick file in her hands and nods his head. "Aa, come in."
She nods, and enters the office for the first time in a long time. He watches her look around, scan the walls, and realize she's probably never had a truly proper look at the place. It isn't anything special, save for a few photos on the wall of his niece, and near-incredible amount of degrees hanging proudly behind him, and there isn't much color, but it's very him. "Wow," she breaths, as she stares over his head and places the file before him.
He stares at her, soaks in the look of sincere interest on her face, of her parted, red lips, and wide eyes, and feels his heart go from a dull thumping to a sharp stabbing. Looking at her almost hurts knowing he can't do anything, can't tell her how beautiful she is, can't touch her skin that seems so soft, run his fingers through her hair he's sure is silk. All he can do is watch her.
"Two doctorates?" she breathes, floored, impressed. "Amazing..."
He shakes his head. "It's nothing special..."
"It is," she insists, doesn't let him deprecate himself. "That's incredible. You're so driven."
He shrugs, a little embarrassed under her scrutiny, even if her eyes are on his degrees and not him. "I guess." He wants to tell her not as driven as her, never as driven as her—he's never met a person with even half her determination, but he doesn't.
"How did you ever have the time?" she questions, in disbelief.
"Summer classes," he states with a small chuckle, amused. It's a relieving feeling, one he hasn't had in a while, he realizes as he watches her. "And winter ones, too. More credits than I should have been taking a semester."
"Damn," she whispers, under her breath, but he hears her. "You're amazing, Uchiha-sama."
He feels the blush begin to creep up his neck at her words, at their implications, but something deep in his mind reminds him of her true intentions—she's talking about his brains, of course, of his schooling, of his commitment, not really him. "Thank you."
"Any time," she says, and smiles softly. "When did you realize you wanted to be a doctor?" she asks, plopping down in one of his waiting chairs across from his desk before he can ask her to leave.
Not that he wants her to, of course, so he shrugs. "Early high school, I guess."
"Yeah? You're lucky," she says, and then corrects herself. "We're lucky. Knowing what we want to do early on. Not many people have the luxury."
He nods his head in agreement. "What about you? When did you realize you wanted to be a doctor?" He cups his cheek in his hand, leaning on his desk, leaning toward her. He catches the freckles on her cheeks, the speckles of gold in her green eyes, the way she switches her crossed legs almost immediately after sitting down.
"Uh," she pauses, thinks for a moment. "Early middle school, probably, maybe even late elementary school."
"Wow." He wants to tell her she's amazing, too, and that he's thoroughly impressed, and how this shows her commitment, her drive even further, but keeps his mouth shut.
"I guess," she says, and smiles, and he's not quite sure if she's mocking him or not. "What was it before psychology?" she asks, and it takes a minute for him to register the question.
He thinks for a moment, and then smirks. "Music, probably."
She grins. "Music? Really? Wow! That's so cool!" Sakura exclaims, nodding her head, pink hair flying everywhere in excitement. "I'm tone deaf."
He chuckles, amused, watches her. "Is that so?"
"Yeah," she admits, a little sad, but pleasant nonetheless. "I always wanted to sing, but that ship has sailed."
He raises an eyebrow, a little surprised because her speaking voice is so beautiful, so pleasant, but thoroughly entertained. "I can't sing, either."
"Yeah, well, what do you do?" she asks, leaning further towards him, places an elbow on his desk, and nestles her jaw in her hand.
He feels a flush begin to form on his cheeks. Her scrubs sag against her, already too big, exposing the nape of her neck, and the tip of her clavicle. Overwhelmed, he pauses for a moment, pretends to think with a throat as dry as his hands are clammy. "Piano," he whispers.
"Piano?" She nods her head. "That's cool. How long?"
He stares at her for a moment, carefully, dragging his eyes down from the dangling earring in her cartilage, to the smooth skin of her neck, all the way down to the peach of her clavicle, before gathering himself, and looking away. He spots a book on a shelf behind her and keeps it in his line of sight before leaning back into his chair.
She raises an eyebrow for a moment, clearly about to question the silence, but he continues, "My mother signed me up when I was very young, so it's been almost twenty-two years, maybe," he decides, and regrets saying the number.
She looks engrossed more than intimidated, though, at the fact that he's been playing the stupid piano longer than she's been alive, and nods her head. "That's really impressive, Uchiha-sama! You were going to go to school for music?"
He smirks. "Possibly."
"I had no idea what I wanted to do before the hospital," she explained. "Actually, well, I guess I wanted to help people."
How selfless, he thinks, and how Sakura to, even at a young age, simply want to help people. "Don't we all?"
She nods her head and then asks, "Why psychology, then?" She tilts her head a little to the side, questioning, something he's found himself to become incredibly fond of since he met her. "How do you go from wanting to be in a wind ensemble to wanting to work with the brain?"
"Why did you want to become a doctor?" he counters, a little smirk on his face. What was he supposed to tell her, anyway? He likes watching people? He gets satisfaction in knowing everyone is just as fucked up as the next person?
"Because I'm selfish," she whispers, smiling softly, honestly.
He's taken aback for a moment, eyes widened a fraction; she looks so pretty, a secretive little smile plastered on her face, green eyes flashing with something he doesn't quite understanding. "Because you're selfish?"
She laughs, like bells. "Well, of course. We're all selfish—doctors, teachers, social workers. We don't do it because we want to help others completely…" she trails off, and then says, "We do it because helping others makes us feel good, too."
He's not quite sure how to respond because, when he thinks about it, she's right. Of course she's right—helping others, completing "selfless" actions, working for the good of the world and not for yourself is, in the end, for the individual. One helps others because it makes them feel good. Sasuke helps others because it makes him feel good, it makes him feel needed, it helps him repent from every bad thing he does like a bunch "Hail Mary's" to a Christian.
Sakura, though, Sakura is selfless. He can't imagine her any other way. Even if she is doing this for herself, to make herself feel good, Sakura is still anything but absorbed. She's altruistic, charitable, giving her life up for years of schooling, giving her nights up for an internship at a hospital, giving up her senior year of high school so one day she can maybe save a little girl, or prolong the life of an eighty-year-old for a few more years. Sasuke wouldn't think of her any other way. Or, perhaps, he's putting her on a pedestal.
He pushes the thought aside.
Nonetheless, he agrees. "Of course," he says, and smirks. "But it doesn't make you any less noble."
She giggles, and her smile sends his heart soaring. "Thank you, Uchiha-sama." There is a pause for a moment, when she stares at him, bottle-cap eyes intrusive in their wake. He feels embarrassed under her gaze, naked, but she looks away just as quickly as she gawked. "Well, I better get going, before Tsunade-shishou throws a fit."
He nods his head. "Of course."
"I'll see you around, Uchiha-sama," she offers, feet as light as feathers as she dances out of the room. She must be a dancer, he thinks, nobody is naturally that graceful—but, then again, his mother never danced, and she flutters around the room like a ballerina. Perhaps that says something about him, about the women he loves, how the people he surrounds himself with are all the same.
"Aa," he says. "Have a good night, Sakura."
"You too!" she squeaks, and she's out the door.
Everything seems so dull when she leaves, he realizes immediately, his office vacant of lavender scrubs, and pink hair, and gumdrop eyes. Suddenly the pale grays he set up for himself, the deep beiges, and rich maroons aren't quite up to par when they aren't standing up against rose and green and pastel.
He thinks, for a moment, maybe he's being unfair to her, expecting so much of her: expecting the smart student, the selfless humanitarian, the beautiful woman, but then, he thinks, maybe it's not expectations.
Maybe it's how you see a person when you're in love.
WOW I ACTUALLY UPDATED LOL aren't I great?
Sorry I've been in a weird mood lately tbh, but I like this chapter so whatevaaaaa. It's starting to get so beautiful out! After you read this chapter, consider sitting outside in the lovely sun or something! Or google a picture of a horizon idk
Review, please! I put my tumblr in my bio, so follow me and I'll follow back! Send me a message to say hi! I'll try to update fuhgeddaboudit! soon, and… I'M WORKING ON AN EPILOGUE TO HEART STRINGS AFTER LIKE THREE YEARS LOL.
So many people still review that dumb story and ask for one, so it's time, I guess, lol.
Enjoy spring everybody!
Peace.