All rights to these characters are to Stephenie Meyer. I am not her, nor did I ever claim to be. I just am obsessed with this story and have been trying to shift realities to Forks ever since Twilight talked about shifting. It hasn't worked yet. I suppose my imagination isn't big enough. I'm lame. But yes, Hello. It's me, not the owner of these characters.
Chapter 20: Casserole
It was the Friday before tomorrow's funeral. School went as good as it can possibly have been. Jessica is still giving me a few cross glances since I went to the hospital. I can't imagine how pathetic she must think I am. Lauren on the other hand has not spoken to me, not that she ever really does. When she does, it's usually back handed comments that I tried my best to ignore. Angela has been concerned though. I sat down with the usual group of friends that I normally do at lunch. Angela had kindly thought to invite me over to help her work on her college applications and help me with mine.
"I'm thinking of applying to a prestigious college, one that Ben is getting into. He's incredibly smart, and I'm sure he'd be accepted anywhere, and I pulled my grades up, so hopefully I can get into them, too." She rested her hand underneath her chin. "Have you started working on your application? Like, volunteering?"
Volunteering? During these past few months? No, not at all. She's probably right though, I should get started on that if I want to get some kind of scholarship. Might be a little late now though, "No, I haven't done any, and to be quite honest, I don't know where to volunteer at."
"Well, you could volunteer at study centers for younger kids, or working on the school paper, or even going to nursing homes. I've been doing my volunteering at the hospital. It's not much, I mostly just clean bedding and make sure the dirty equipment is thrown into the waste bins." She paused for a minute, and let go of her head, "Oh you should definitely come with me! I could help you sign up for that!"
"Well, I have been busy working at Mike Newton's store. Does that count?" I looked over at Mike and his eyes perked up.
"Oh, I'm sorry I missed that question, what was that?"
"Oh, nothing, just didn't know if me working at the store could go on my applications to get better scholarships."
"Oh, no, that wouldn't be volunteer work, besides I don't think working behind a counter and stocking stuff on the shelves at a supply store is going to impress them much, Bella."
I looked back down at Angela as her expression dropped, "Well if you're up for it, let me know. I could use some help volunteering!"
As nice as her offer was, I probably wasn't going to take it. Medicine isn't something that I wanted to strive for in my future career. I haven't put much thought into it lately about what I wanted to do. I presumed my life would've been with Edward, and that I would've become a vampire so school was out of the question. I do enjoy reading, so maybe journalism is something I could look forward to. I am a decent writer when it comes to essays.
"No thank you, my plan so far was to just write a really good college essay on why I'm a great asset to their school," I chuckled sarcastically. I don't think Angela took the joke the way I did.
"Oh, Bella any school would be lucky to have you! You've always been so smart. I'm sure an awesome essay will do the trick!"
"Well, maybe I could work at the Fork's paper and volunteer there a few days a week now and until the end of summer. I enjoy writing, so I could be thinking about getting into journalism."
"Journalism? I think Princeton has a good journalism major there. Any schools you had in mind?"
"I don't really have anything in mind, but I do need something cheap, unless I get a scholarship, that would be great. I'll have to go by the Fork's newspaper Monday, though. I have to cook a casserole tonight and go see the Clearwaters."
The bell for class rang, and we all stood up and put our food trays at the cleanup station. Angela walked me to class talking about going to school with Ben some more, and gave me more ideas on volunteer work I could do such as working at shelters, and soup kitchens, along with other warm hearted volunteer activities.
It was a pretty long day at school, I kept dreading the thought of having to go down to the reservation, but I'm sure I won't run into Jacob there. I don't think he wants to see me still. He hasn't spoken to me since the night at the hospital, or even tried to call, but again, I know he needs some space. Charlie got home a little bit after me with the ingredients that I mistakenly, but not so mistakenly, forgot about. The recipe took about half an hour to prepare, and about another hour for it to finish. Charlie sat on the couch the whole time watching some re-run games that premiered on late Friday afternoons.
"So how was school, Bells?"
"It was fine, Angela wants to work on college applications. Apparently, I need to start volunteer work."
"Charlie sat up in his seat turning around to look at me, "Oh yeah? Where does she do volunteer work?"
"The hospital, I'm sure you've seen her there. She just washes sheets and other things that volunteers can do. I thought maybe I could volunteer at the Forks newspaper. Thinking of maybe going into journalism, but I need a good scholarship."
"Well that sounds, like a responsible job, you like to- er -read a lot. What school are you thinking of applying to?"
"Angela mentioned that Princeton has a good journalism major, and I know it's far away. Thought maybe I could go to community college here for a little bit, get my GPA up, and do some volunteer work over the summer and then apply there. Hopefully get a scholarship to cover the costs, maybe."
Charlie grumbled a bit, or maybe it was just a burp from the soda he was drinking. "Princeton? Wow that's a pretty good school, Bells. You shouldn't have to worry about scholarships though. I can help you, and we could get student loans and I could cover the rest-"
I stopped him mid-sentence, "Dad, no. I couldn't ask you for that. I've been saving up at the Newton's. Besides, having a scholarship would help greatly."
"Well, I think community college your first term would be great. Just let me know if I can help, Bells. Also, we should be leaving to go to the Clearwater's around 6:00."
I nodded at him and continued to check the oven. I wasn't too excited to go to the Clearwater's tonight. I don't really know how to console someone who has lost someone in their life, especially a father and a husband. I know how it feels, in a different type of way, but I know it doesn't get better for a long time. What do you even say? For me, Jacob just hung out with me, distracted me with activities, and well, the werewolf thing was a major distraction as well. But, I'm not close to the Clearwaters. I've never really made conversation with them enough to be able to distract them. It was Charlie's idea anyway, hopefully he'll do all the talking.
Evening came around and Charlie and I both got into his cruiser and went down to La Push. Embarrassingly, I hid my face from the window the entire time to hide as if Jacob was even going to look this way. We drove up the Clearwater's short driveway and Charlie parked the cruiser. I climbed out with him holding the casserole. What do I even do, just hand her the casserole? Say oh, sorry, here is some food to make your pain go away. I don't really understand the point of bringing people food when they are sad. Food has never been applause worthy to me, and has never cheered me up, but I suppose whatever helps.
Charlie fixed the collar on his jacket and licked his fingers to fix the stray hairs poking out from his mustache. It was never like Charlie to spruce up his looks in any way unless he was wearing his uniform. I'm sure Sue isn't looking handy dandy either, considering her husband and the father of her two children died. We got up to the door, and Charlie knocked.
"Remember, Bells. She's grieving so please be as polite as you can." Charlie deemed to remind me how to be polite. Adults usually like me, well as far as my teachers and my mother, Charlie and the Cullens. "Oh, and the casserole smells great, Hun."
"I'm always polite, dad." I rolled my eyes at him.
Sue answered the door wearing a beautiful, navy blue and white dotted sundress. I guess she was prepared for the occasion of us coming over, she looked beautiful. Her hair was done, and she seemed to even be wearing some mascara as well. She decided to invite us inside to enjoy the casserole with her. Her house was small just like the rest of the houses on the reservations were, but a tad bigger with a second story. She had an open kitchen that was likely redone about 10 years ago, so it was moderately updated, and the kitchen opened up to the living room that held a giant flat screen tv with the game already premiering on it. She was ready for Charlie to come over, he'll have a ball with that tv. There was a long hallway that seemed to have a full bathroom and her bedroom at the end of it. The stairs most likely went up to Leah's and Seth's room. The walls were a cool green color throughout the main floor and had dark hardwood floors with a large beige shag rug laid across them in the living room. We walked inside and I set the casserole on her light wood dining table.
"Wow, Charlie, the casserole smells lovely. What kind did you make?"
"Huh, well I didn't actually do a thing if I'm being honest. I'm not much of a cook. Bella made it." Charlie blushed a little at her comment.
"Oh? That was so nice of you Bella, and very generous thank you." She smiled at me warmly grabbing some plates out of her cupboards, setting them out on the table.
"Oh, it was nothing,' I said shyly to her with a smile. "It's a broccoli, squash, and shredded cheese casserole. I used to make it for Thanksgiving years back. Found the old recipe online. Not the exact one, but close enough." I smiled at her and nodded, "Oh, and I'm sorry for your loss…"
Charlie looked at me daunting as if I shouldn't have mentioned it at all. Or because I mentioned it before he had a chance to say he was sorry. Charlie isn't good with death, just like me. We are both aloof with any kind of social event, especially one that comes with death.
"Well, it smells great, thank you for doing that Bella. I appreciate it," She smiled at me and then smiled at Charlie and kept setting the table.
"Yes, Sue, I hope we didn't intrude on your night. I know I asked yesterday if it was okay to come over. I hope you're doing well." Charlie said, choking on his words as he had mentioned Sue's possible mental whereabouts. "Well, huh, as well as anyone could possibly be during this time." Charlie was staggering over his words as his cheeks grew red. He began to uncover the casserole dish and serve it on the plates as we all sat down. Sue did a prayer in her own language and we started to eat. It was quiet at first until Sue broke the silence.
"So, Bella, how is school going?"
"It's going well, just looking into college applications," I replied, a little anxious talking about it.
"That's right, my daughter is going to be a Princeton girl. A girl of journalism," Charlie raised his glass up, and gave a smug smile and sipped from it.
"Oh? Princeton? That's amazing!" Sue seemed genuinely proud for me.
"No, no Char-, er, dad is just over exaggerating. I won't be able to get in till second semester of Freshman year, or even till Sophomore year. I need to bring my grades up a bit and do some volunteering." I felt like I've had this conversation enough times at this point. It was a bit annoying to talk about because I wasn't even sure I wanted to go. Princeton is very far away, and I'm not sure New Jersey is somewhere I really want to go. It snows a lot in the winter and is very far North. I still have time to think about it more, but right now it's just a possibility to hang up.
"Well, either way that's still very exciting." Sue smiled at me and kept eating her dinner. The awkward silence succumbed again until we were finished with our portions, and I helped Sue clean the dishes and the table off. Charlie went to the couch and watched the game as we were cleaning up, and we both went to join him.
"So, Sue. Where's the kids, Leah and Seth?" Charlie turned the volume down speaking up, generally curious.
"Oh, they are out right now. Um. dealing with a few things." She looked down, rubbing her finger across her palm and then back at me, glancing at me with a look I wasn't able to fully interpret. I almost forgot Leah and Seth weren't here. I remember meeting Leah and Seth at the pasta party that was held at Jake's house earlier this year, but we didn't exactly talk to each other. I was hoping they would be here. Maybe they would know what Jacob has been up to. I could've asked casually out of curiosity, because that's what concerned friends do right? Ask about each other. I'm not sure Jacob is even asking about me. I'll see him at the funeral tomorrow, though. The dreaded day that I have been a little nervous about. I don't think I have anything really appropriate to wear to it tomorrow, and that thought hadn't really come to mind until now. I could possibly ask Angela if she would like to take me in the morning before the funeral.
"Mrs., Clearwater?" I asked.
"Oh, honey you can call me Sue." She gave me that same polite smile that she has given me all night. She's definitely been trying to hold back her grief all night behind it.
"Oh, Sue, I was wondering if I could use your phone? I was hoping I could call my friend, for a quick minute."
"Yes, sweetie, it's in the hallway near the bathroom."
I got up and headed down the hallway. It was a landline connected to the wall, which was a strange place to keep a phone. Usually they are kept in the kitchen, but I guess this hallway gives more privacy for phone conversations since the house is very small. I dialed Angela's phone and waited for the ring until she answered. She picked up and I asked her about tomorrow morning if she would like to go around nine in the morning, and she agreed, thankfully. She seemed desperately eager to go with me. We haven't been dress shopping since we went to Port Angeles for the girl's choice dance last year, but I never picked out a dress for that one since I didn't go.
The evening ended a quarter past eight and Charlie and I decided to head home. It was a quiet night, but that was expected. Charlie definitely enjoyed himself being able to watch the game, and I'm sure Sue enjoyed a bit of company before the funeral tomorrow. I'm a little relieved to be able to spend time with Angela before the funeral in the morning. We decided that we were going to Port Angeles and hang out at the dress shops for an hour tops and be back on the way home. Gives me enough time to get there, and back before the gathering starts.
After we got home, I headed upstairs and went to my room. I looked over at my computer and turned it back on. Then I sat on the chair and flipped through the post cards again to pass the time and really look at them. Apparently, Renee decided to swim in the ocean, and got stung by a jellyfish and asked Phil to pee on her. That's just a Renee thing to do. Seems she also went ziplining and had a good time there, until she got too much sun and evidently got second degree burns on her shoulders. Easily treatable, though. The computer turned back on and the desktop screen saved on the email Alice sent me. I became overwhelmed with emotions again, not enough for a panic attack, but enough to make me feel like my chest was going to explode.
What was the point of even sending an email? One that I couldn't even write back to. She never sent me an email before, why send one now? Because she felt bad for me that she had to let me know that she was sorry? Obviously not sorry enough to let me reply or even have contact with her. I get it, 'As if I never existed,' but it hurts. It hurts to read this email of her apologizing and not being able to even contact her. But, it's Alice, strange Alice that I once believed would be my true sister one day. I decided to move the email in the Archive folder so I could still keep it, but no longer see it on my inbox. It would end up being something I would've read over too many times if I left it in the inbox. Something I would engross my feelings into each time. It hurts, but I don't know if I'm hurt over the email, as much as I'm hurt about being lonely and not having my best friend to be with.