Hello, it's me again. Stephenie Meyer? No, not me. Not me at all. I do not own these characters, nor did I ever claim to own them or the Twilight Saga. This story in particular is just a "what if" story, and it's told by me in my own thoughts of what would've happened. But no, none of these characters are mine. Enjoy reading (:
P.S. I know there is no real juice going on, but I just want to drag the story out a little bit. Setting it up. I have a general idea where I want this story to go, but I'm still trying to fill the pieces of the puzzles on how to get there.
Chapter 21: Port Angeles
"Edward? EDWARD!" I screamed out in the darkness. He kept running away, and I ran after him to pick up the pace. I was alarmingly fast, and able to keep up with him, "Edward come back, please! PLEASE!" But he kept running as if he couldn't hear me. Ahead was a beam of light, and his beautiful marble skin glistened in it. I ran to catch up with him, heading towards the beam of light, and once I was under it, my body halted to a stop. A blinding light, hitting my eyes, I tried blocking it, blocking the light from hitting my irises, but it wasn't a light. It was me. I was glistening. My marble white skin was glistening as if I was a vampire, and I was.
"Edward, come back please! Look, It's amazing!" But he was gone out of sight. His silhouette emerged into the forest lining of the trees, undetected. I lost him, even as a vampire, he still didn't want me. I searched, running through the endless sun beams lining the forest, but never saw the end of them, never found him. I stopped searching. I stood there looking around, any sign of movement, and then a large silhouette appeared.
"Edward!" I soared with relief, but as the silhouette came closer, it became much larger. A much taller man, more buff and broader. It was Jacob, "oh, Jacob? What are you doing here?"
He stopped about fifteen feet away from me. I could see his face, as I walked towards him, he walked back.
"Jacob, it's me. Why are you…" I looked back down at the diamonds glistening across my palms, "It's okay Jake, it's me, Bells"
"You're dead to me, Bella. Dead," A low growl came out through his voice, and yellow glowing eyes came out from the shadows. As the eyes came closer from the tree line, the large silhouettes of wolves came in the clearing.
"Jake, no. Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't know." I reached out to him, and the growl between his teeth grew louder, and his body began to vibrate. His form morphed into a large wolf, and the tearing of clothes flew in the air. I gasped and screamed in terror, "JAKE PLEASE NO, PLEASE!" The other wolves started running towards me, Jacob standing his place as they rushed past him, and I too were running through the forest.
"EDWARD, EDWARD HELP! EDWARD PLEASE! HELP!" I shouted louder and louder, but I was no longer the damsel in this story. The damsel with someone to save her, it was all on me, and I knew nothing about how to save myself. He left me, he left me on my own to defend myself. I was never good enough, not even as a human, not even as a vampire, he didn't want me. I soared through the trees, whipping back and forth trying to dodge branches. I could hear the heavy weighted paws hitting the forest ground, roaring after me. I looked over my shoulder, not seeing Jacob's wolf form coming after me, it was only the pack. As I looked back in front of me, there was the large russet wolf that now had me halting in my tracks. I turned in a circle assessing my predators, and they all were lined up around me. There were three more wolves I didn't recognize in the pack. They seemed to stop closing in on me in the circle. The predator cowering their prey, and this time I was the prey. I was the deer in the woods facing mountain lions, but the mountain lions were my friends, and my best friend. I turned back toward Jacob.
"Jake, please, I can explain, please Jacob." I held my arms out towards my sides holding my palms out to show a sign of surrender. His teeth were snarling, and his lips curled up, he started inching towards me, and the pack was snarling with him. I dropped onto the ground trying to back away from him, but the pack snarled louder as I got closer to the one behind me. I looked back at Jacob, shaking my head in fear, mouthing the words 'Please no'. Then he lunged.
I woke up around 7:30 am in cold sweats, painting. I rubbed my eyes and the puffiness of my cheeks made me conclude that the dream must've not been pleasant. I was trying to catch my breath, but I was shocked by the vividness of it. It felt so real, unlikely though because how would I have become a vampire, but so vivid. I ripped the blanket off of me and pulled my top off throwing it across the room. I sat up to cool myself off, but my entire bed felt damp. I checked the time and jumped out of bed. I was in a hurry, I needed to take a shower, get dressed, and get Charlie's breakfast ready before I have to go and pick Angela up. I stripped the damp sheets and pillowcases off my bed and ran downstairs to throw them in the dryer, along with my wet shirt. I went to the fridge to get Charlie's breakfast out of the refrigerator and put it into the microwave. I turned on the coffee maker and headed up stairs.
The shower was cold, but it felt nice against my skin. It was comforting in a way, but not comforting enough when the flashbacks from the dream came back. I leaned up against the shower wall, buckling my knees and I slid down into the tub of the shower. I wrapped my arms around my legs and bared my face into my knees, screaming into them, trying to muffle the sounds. Why would he have attacked me like that? I know it's not real, but it could've been a possibility, right? The wolves were enemies of the cold ones, but it was me. Why would Jake hurt me? I know it was just a dream, and that probably wouldn't have happened, but it's a possibility that my future that I craved so much would lead to my demise by my own best friend. I leaned my head back against the shower wall painting, but eventually turned the water off to get out. I did the usual, dried my hair, combed it, put on some jeans, and white short sleeve shirt, and went downstairs to say hi to Charlie.
"Don't forget, kiddo, it starts at 2:00 pm. Make sure you are there, and you can invite Angela if you want." He sipped on his coffee, reading the headlines about the gathering for today in the paper.
"That won't be necessary, her and I will be back around 12:00, and then I'll drop her back off at home." I assured him. I ran over to the cupboard to grab me a blueberry pop tart and I headed out.
Angela didn't live too far away, which was nice about Forks, we all lived relatively close.
The car drive was pretty long, a little over an hour to get there, but we walked around and looked through the shops to find any kind of appropriate dress that would be fine for a funeral. I didn't want to wear black, but maybe something dark, like a royal blue. I remember Edward loved blues on me, not that he would ever take the moment to see it on me again.
"Hey, Bella, I found this one. It's an earthy tone, but dark enough for a funeral." Angela was holding up this long maroon mid-length sleeved dress, that looked like it would be a little tight in the areas such as my waste, and my hip area, but it definitely would be appropriate for the occasion, "And now for the shoes? I thought maybe charcoal matte colored flats would look nice with this." Angela was better at this than me, I wouldn't have known what shoes to even wear with that dress. Not saying that it wouldn't have been hard to notice that a charcoal colored flat would've fit well with the dress, but I wouldn't have thought of it immediately, myself.
"Yeah, Angela, that looks great. Thanks." I walked over to her and grabbed the dress off the hanger, holding it up."
"Go ahead and try it on,"
"No, it's fine, it looks like it'll fit"
"No, dressing room, now" She started nudging me, and pushing me towards the dressing room till she finally got me in there and had shut the door on me. The dress was tight at the waist like I expected it was going to be and got tighter down the hips and mid-thigh. I looked in the mirror for a little too long, marveling at it. It's not something I would've picked out for myself, but it's not too bad. I looked slim, but I've always been slim, and very shapeless, but the dress did accentuate my curves as much as possible by being a tiny bit poofier in some areas.
"Bella, let me see the dress, I'm sure you look beautiful!" Angela knocked on the door, talking into the crack of the dressing room door. I opened it up, standing there in an awkward position with my shoulders pointing forwards and my arms crossed. She raised her eyebrow at me and leaned in to grab my shoulders to fix my posture. This kind of friendship at this moment reminded me of Alice in a way. Wanting to play dress up and getting a tad bit annoyed by my awkward stances, "You look stunning, and I think that nice boy is going to think so too."
"Angela," I moved her hands away from me, swatting at them while my cheeks flushed crimson, "you know he's not my boyfriend."
"I never said he was," she gave me a smirk, "You're the one that brought up the word, to deny something I never accused," she continued to giggle at her own response, toying with me. I suppose I did bait the hook a little bit there, but people usually assume he's my boyfriend, so I react immediately to shut down the argument.
"Yeah," was the only response I could think of. She did catch me, and I know I contemplated what being with Jacob would mean the night that Alice visited. I contemplated whether it was betrayal to Edward if I ended up with Jacob. At that moment of that night, I contemplated if I should've rejected the possible kiss that was lingering to happen. If I wanted the boy to be my Jacob. My Jake. Maybe being together with him would be easier. I wouldn't hurt him anymore, but it also had to be my decision too. My decision if I was comfortable with that idea, and I can admit that I wasn't completely uncomfortable with it. He was my best friend after all, and we always will be best friends who joke around and tease each other. But, romantic benefits to that friendship could either be a bonus, or a miss and I don't know which of those two options would be the best choice. I am going to college soon after all, well community college for the possible first year, but what about after that?
"Bella?" Angela said to me, interrupting my thoughts. I really didn't notice I was standing there motionless for quite a few seconds. I kept getting lost in my own thoughts, "Are you going to wear the dress out? C'mon we have to go to make sure you get there on time."
"Oh, right. Just give me a second," I said closing the door. I took the dress off, staring at myself in the mirror in my unflattering bra and underwear. I started to run my fingers across my midsection, pulling on my skin that most girls with body dysmorphia would've associated with extra fat. But no, it was just skin. I wasn't very toned, so it followed the movement of my finger until I traced my finger up to in between my bra, and toward my chest and collarbone. What would it feel like having Jacob touch me? He is practically as hot as a space heater; he was my sun after all. The one that kept me warm that night when my clothes were wet and damp, and the water was cold, and I was freezing. But I was in his arms, and I felt warmer than I ever felt with a slight chill here and there from the cold damp clothes caressing my skin.
I shook my head, I need to stop thinking about these things, he's my best friend and maybe I'm more comfortable seeing him that way than I am seeing him as something more than that. It's still a compelling possibility, but hurting what we have now, is something I couldn't endure. But why would it hurt what we have now? Jake loved me, and I doubt he would ever hurt me. I, on the other hand, could possibly hurt him. I don't remember ever questioning my relationship with Edward besides the fact that I worried that he couldn't have possibly loved me as much as I loved him. If anything, Edward would be the one that would hurt me, because I immensely cared more for him than the other way around. And he did hurt me, he left me. He didn't want me anymore. How could I possibly do that to Jacob, and be completely fine with it and leave him when I go away to Princeton?
"Bella? C'mon" Angela interrupted my thoughts once again, and thankfully she did. I grabbed my shirt and my jeans and left the dressing room. The dress wasn't too expensive, I had enough money for it, along with my savings account that was left for my college tuition. The shoes cost much less, they weren't anything flashy, but something I could wear again for another occasion.
We got in the car and we headed home. The drive felt faster going back to Forks than it did going to town. Angela talked more about school, and then talked some more about the dress. Apparently, it was very flattering on me, and she was obsessed with it. I did agree though, the dress was tight, but it was modest enough for me to feel comfortable in it. I did like the color too, and earthy red maroon color did flatter my hair color, along with the paleness of my skin. I dropped her off at home and headed back to my house. Charlie was upstairs in the shower when I got there, and I headed upstairs as well to get ready for the funeral.