Again, terribly sorry for posting these new chapters so late. I needed to keep them for a while so I can go back and forth on them when writing the new chapters so I would not be blocked from events that I wanted to make. I am not Stephenie Meyer. All rights to the Twilight Saga are to her.
Chapter 37: Trails
"Edward! No!" Alice exclaimed walking in through the doors of the window pained house. She pulled the shawl off her head along with the sunglasses and gloves off her fingers. She placed them down onto one of the covered end tables. She flitted around the room pulling the white sheets off the furniture all throughout the second floor, and then continued when she made it down to the first one. "There is no way you have been living like this! Do you know what Esme is going to think if she knew you left it like this since you've been here? She would have a heart attack, Edward. I mean, please!" She came back up to the second floor holding onto a pile of the white sheets and then darted out of the house. She continued waving them in the light wind outside to relieve them of the dust that had formed on them.
"Then maybe you should not tell her, Alice," I snickered at her, also lifting the hat off my head onto the now uncovered surface, and pulled my jacket off, hanging onto the coat hanger. I looked over to Jasper in disbelief of Alice, but he nodded with a smile knowing this was not out of the ordinary for her.
"Oh, I would never tell Esme about this. She would think you were having a manic episode living in a house with covered furniture. She'd say you looked homeless hunkering down in a vacant home! If this news was found out, our reputation would be a catastrophe! My brand would cease to exist!" Alice scoffed at me, continuing to be overdramatic.
"Mmm," I nodded at her ignoring her tantrum over a silly thing like this.
The drive back was not so quiet, in fact the only one who spoke on the way home was Alice. She was telling me about the clothing line she was building in Milan and about the many clients that she did not let leave the door without a new piece of her clothing displayed on their skin. Jasper followed her around, of course. I knew this type of hobby was in no interest of his, but he tagged along for her. He was her arm candy, not that she needed it. She built an entire brand with only her name on it. It did not display the family name, but it had featured her true name, Mary Alice Brandon. The clothing line itself was called Mary Alice. I remember when we both met up in New Orleans in late November when she wanted to distract me from my brooding. Alice told me she would begin searching for her possible relatives in Biloxi, Mississippi. She had a younger sister named Cynthia who was relatively nine years younger than her who had died. Cynthia bore a child who Alice was an aunt to, and Alice wanted to find out if her niece was possibly still alive and wanted to meet her. Of course, she could not tell the young girl that she was her aunt considering Alice's age. Alice would have to be old and grey, or even dead for that matter.
Jasper proceeded to sit quietly in the back seat peering out the window and watch the people drive by and others walk their pets along the sidewalks. He made a connection in his head between the woman walking her golden retriever on the leash down the road. He grinned at the thought of imagining Bella walking Jacob on a leash to take him outside to go to the bathroom. His thoughts had me chortle at the thought, as well.
"What are you two laughing about?" Alice nudged at me, turning around to look at Jasper.
"Nothing, my apologies, ma'am," Jasper smiled at her, winking.
"He finds himself funny," I responded.
"Well of course he is. He didn't form that sense of humor on his own," she said, smiling back at Jasper and returned the wink.
When we drove back into Forks, I began to hold my breath at the thought of someone noticing our arrival, but I was feeling rather grateful for the dark tint on the windows. I picked up the speed up to one hundred when the road became long and vacant, surrounded by trees on both sides. Alice tried to roll her window down to hold her arm outside of it, but I hit the window locks on the side panel. Alice's lips pressed into a thin line staring through the front windshield sneering at me. Our arrival had to be completely unknown.
When we were almost home, we had driven past Bella's house which contained no residence. Bella should be leaving the school campus soon and heading off to do her volunteer work at the Forks Newspaper. It was not an immediate need for me to follow her now, for there was no posed threat for her where she was heading to. I still had felt anxious though, anxious over the thought that she could possibly get into a car wreck or drive off the road. But no, she was not horribly that clumsy, mostly just on her two feet. Bella was a responsible driver, slow, but responsible. I had every belief that she would arrive there safely, but I would go and follow her on her way home, to make sure not a scratch was left on her.
Alice pursed her lips some more when she glanced at Bella's front door. She thought about the time she disobeyed my command for her to stay out of Bella's life when she visited her to see if she was alive. I had already forgiven her for that. It gave me a new reason to come home, to protect Bella again.
Alice continued to dust the rest of the house as if she was preparing for the rest of the family to come back. It was a delusional idea, for I had not wanted any of them to return. More of us back into Forks meant that our presence here would likely be known, eventually. I did not want that, but for Alice, she did not seem to mind if Bella found out I was here. It bothered me that she believed that to not be a problem.
"We should get groceries. Esme always made sure the fridge was stocked to make it seem like humans lived here," Alice said, tapping her finger on her lips.
"Why would we need to make it seem so? No one is coming over, Alice."
"Edward, we must throw a party for our return! They don't even have to know it's us throwing it! If teenagers hear a party is going on, they will definitely come in herds."
"And what would they think when they realize that the party is taking place at the Cullen Forks home?" I said, pushing away her ridiculous statement. My brow furrowed down towards the top of my nose.
"They are teenagers, Edward. They probably would believe that someone wanted to use a vacant house off in the woods for an alcoholic party that their parents nor a sheriff would find out about. Besides, no one has ever come over before besides Bella. They wouldn't even know it was ours," she said, counteracting me, rolling her eyes. She then walked gracefully over to Jasper and leaned into his embrace. He held her close to his chest and looked at me with a side smile.
"I think a party would be a fantastic idea," Jasper said, kissing the top of Alice's hair. She smiled at him, warmly. I then felt a wave of calmness rush over me again that then forced a relaxed smile across my cheeks. I then shook my head realizing it was Jasper forcing emotions onto me.
Alice would be discreet about it, you know. She wants to make sure you're happy, but she also is going to want to enjoy herself while she is here.
"If she wants to enjoy herself, then she should not have come back to Forks. I am trying to keep a low profile," I replied to his thoughts sternly.
"It's not like you have kept a low profile, Edward. You've already talked to a few townies." Alice let go of Jasper's embrace and rushed upstairs into her room, grabbing things from her luggage, and then made her way back downstairs towards the entertainment center she had uncovered. She turned on the music player, pushing in a CD and turned the volume on low. The house was then filled with light music of a foreign language that she must have picked up from her time in Milan. Jasper then glided over to her, placing his hand at her waste and grasped onto her hand. She placed her other hand on his shoulder, and they began to gracefully dance around the room. They were attuned to each other. It was unclear who was taking the lead as they both appeared to be in sync with each step.
"Yes, but I did not use my name," I assured her.
"Anthony Masen is your name, Edward." She said to me without breaking eye contact with Jasper as they continued to ballroom dance across the room.
"It is not as if you have been discreet either, Mrs. Brandon."
"I'm not the one trying to hide. I am very proud of my work and of my name," She smirked at me, cracking a smile. I moaned a bit, shaking my head towards her direction. I was not amused by her optimism on the situation we had at hand.
I walked over towards the piano that was placed near the windows towards the side of the house away from the road. I lifted the piano cover off the keys, pushing it back to expose them. I then sat on the bench in front of it, placing my fingers in front of me onto the keys. I began playing the noticeably repetitive tune by ear of Alice's music that had trilled through the speakers that Alice and Jasper were dancing to. Alice squealed with excitement when she heard the notes playing through the cords and winked at Jasper thanking him for calming my nerves. That had worn off a few seconds beforehand, but I did not want to make Alice and Jasper's visit unpleasant while they were here even though Alice's plans were most likely formed to not impress me.
The time had passed, and I knew Bella should be almost done with her volunteer work. I decided to leave the piano to head out the door on foot. Alice had ceased her dance with Jasper, letting go of his shoulder and hand and glided over to me, halting me in front of the doorway. I could see in her mind that she had a vision of me stalking Bella home from the Newspaper warehouse.
"Edward, I cannot have my brother stalking someone. That's disturbing. She's going to be fine on her way home. I assure you." She leaned against the doorway, spreading her hands across each side. I saw her vision appear in her mind as she thought of it. Bella did happen to get home safely.
"It is more disturbing that you are watching me stalk her," I smiled at her, shifting my body back towards the room. Jasper was now upstairs ignoring our conversation as he was tampering through the luggage looking for something to pass the time.
"Jasper and I are here now," She said, pushing herself back in front of me. She lifted her hand up to my chin, holding onto it, pulling my face down to look at her. She stared into my expression. "You haven't hunted, Edward. Is that really something you want to do? Stalk her and spend the rest of the night in her bedroom while you're thirsty? Your eyes are almost black." I pushed her hand away from my face, looking away from her. She then lifted her hand up again grabbing on to it. "You need to hunt, Edward. Jasper needs to, too. I can go and watch Bella if it makes you feel better."
"And expose yourself? I think not." I shook her off me again, walking further into the living room.
"I won't, I promise. You two should go." She walked over to me again, shoving my shoulder. "Jasper!" she shouted. "Come down here!" Jasper then was immediately in the room after he jumped down from the top staircase. "You and Edward, go hunt. I'll take over from here."
"Alice, please."
"Go… I got it. I'll watch over her." I turned my body to face her, hovering my body over her small frame, baring my teeth.
"If you so as much get noticed by anyone—"
"Yeah, yeah, you'll ring me by my neck. Got it," She rolled her eyes at me, pushing me away from her. I was not comfortable with her watching Bella for me, but she was right, I needed to hunt.
"I will not be gone long…" I said to her holding onto her upper arm. Then the wave hit again, forcing me to let go of her as I felt a sense of calmness overwhelming me, and excitement for the hunt. I looked over at Jasper, glaring at him. He smiled at me, rocking back and forth on his heels. He pushed the door back open for me motioning his arm towards the woods and I followed him out.
"See you in a few days!" Alice said, waving at us as we walked out. A few days? I would make sure I came back tonight. I wanted to watch Bella sleep again, listen to the blasphemy things she would say as she dreamed. For I wished I could see the dreams she were having, if I could in any way possibly understand what she was seeing. They were nightmares, which is the only place I had in any dream. Nightmares are what I deserved when it came to Bella, but she did not deserve those nightmares. She deserved to sleep blissfully. Even if those dreams contained Jacob and not me, she deserved to enjoy her dreams.
We would go farther North closer to where the population of mountain lions were more plentiful. With our absence, more were produced and growing, so it was our job to control the population of them and hunt after the males while the mothers needed to nurse their young. I was sure this ploy of having me hunt down mountain lions was Jasper's plan to get me to not concentrate on Bella. It was not working if that is what he meant for this trip. We only found a couple of males along the mountain ridges that peaked over the tops of the trees. It seemed they were trying to reach closer to the tops of the peaks where the other mountains had connected. There must have been a breeding ground there, so we decided to leave those alone so they could continue to populate some more. The ones we mostly went after were the ones at the bottom of the mountain that must have already mated for the season and left to hunt for food.
I took down two mountain lions along the trip, and Jasper had hunted down one along with a few elk to fully quench his thirst for the night. Jasper deemed to remind me that I would not make it back home tonight to watch over Bella, and that she was in good hands with Alice being there. He wanted to extend the trip till Saturday.
The trip was almost a distraction with only short moments that my mind did not focus on Bella. Those moments consisted of my instinct to concentrate on the hunt when I had found my prey. Other than that, the hiking had very much let my mind drift off until it went towards agonizing thoughts where Jasper then would use his gift to counteract those emotions. Other times my self-torment would affect him since he was able to feel what I would feel, and he too would fall into that same feeling of despair that I had lingered over me. I had felt poorly for him that I was causing him to work his gifts on me to this extent. We had just finally seen each other again after over half a year of no contact.
We were making some small talk as the day turned to night. He spoke of his time that he used in Milan when Alice was too busy designing new outfits and sending them to her seamstress. Jasper frequently went to many restaurants scouting out emotions that the humans were emitting. He would try to find the pure emotions from happy couples that were touring and would also go out of his way to help others when they were feeling sadness. He also enjoyed being around the many of the designers who were well known. He would follow them around, listening to their conversations as they antagonized their team over the phone. He in his own way had also enjoyed being around humans for the same reason I did. We enjoyed connecting ourselves to the world, to not lose our own humanity.
Jasper then grew quiet. I could hear in his thoughts of him reminding himself to not speak of the topic, but he continued. "Hope you don't mind me asking, but if Bella had moved on, why are you still here?" He asked me after we disposed of the animal carcasses.
"Because the boy she moved on with is an adolescent wolf, Jasper. I thought that was abundantly clear," I replied heaving out an exaggerated sigh.
"No, I understand that part, but what are you supposed to do? You won't go talk to her, or even stop them from interacting. What's the point?" Jasper replied again. The tone he was using sounded very much so that he has been holding in the question for quite some time since he's been here but had avoided thinking of the topic.
"If he hurts her, I will get in the way, but as long as she is safe then I will keep my presence unknown."
"How long, then?" Jasper discontinued the hike, standing behind me as I continued to keep going. "If she stays safe for the next few years, well, that mutt will no longer be an adolescent pup. So, how long?" I did not need to read his thoughts to understand the question for it was clear what he was asking. I had not put much thought into that. I had instinctively thought that maybe I would have to intervene soon, that Jacob would not be able to hold his composure for long. But it was possible that he would continue to be safe around Bella, which is what I hoped for.
"Jasper, I cannot go back to that hell I was living in over the past several months away from her. Is it selfish of me to stay? Possibly, but being near her…" I discontinued my words, shaking my head at the unfinished sentence.
"We had soldiers like that, you know." He said, running back up to my side.
"Please do not compare me to your confederate comrades in the war," I replied sternly.
"I'm not, I'm just saying that they too created their own personal hell, mentally, and then physically. After they had been enlisted to join our ranks, they continued to hold on to the pieces of their life before that made them gratified. Doing so caused them to continue to be miserable because they knew they could not possibly be as content in the war as they were at home. They had wives, family, children even. These things made them hopeful, and without those things, they fell into their own hole. Metaphorically speaking," he chuckled, imagining the thought of how I had physically buried myself into a hole not too long ago. "These men did not last long in the war. They mentally exhausted themselves from making themselves sorrowful. They were not good soldiers and they were killed sooner, or they would have killed themselves. Cowards, honestly. They were not men."
"Jasper, I do not think—"
"You could be content too, Edward if you wanted to be, but instead you chose a route that you forced onto yourself of torment for all of those months. You have a family that cares for you, and a sister that worries over you, even if she does not show it." Funny for him to believe Alice did not make it known. "Wouldn't knowing that Bella was alive and well be enough?"
"It is enough. It has always been enough knowing that. But I had brought her into a world that put her life at risks multiple times. That has weighed on my conscience ever since."
"But you did not try, Edward. You held on to her, held on to the past instead of looking forward, and continued to create that personal hell that you wish to not go back to."
"And if it was Alice? If you had left her after putting her life in danger multiple times, would you have found yourself contempt?"
"I never would have left. We both need each other, Edward." He looked over at me with an expressionless face.
"So, I was wrong for leaving?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows together. He then stopped walking again, grabbing my shoulder ceasing me to a halt as well, and pulling me to face his direction.
"Yes, you were. It was selfish, Edward. Selfish for you to believe she would grow to be happy without you in her life. I know a vampire bond may be different between a human-vampire one, but it was still a bond. You two are mates. You feed off each other, but you broke it by leaving her."
"She moved on, Jasper. She is living a human life. How is that selfish? She no longer must turn for me. Not that I would have allowed that, but time was always an issue for her." I groaned at him, baring my teeth together. I then pushed his hand from my shoulder in frustration.
"Did she move on?" He asked, forcing me to question it myself. Forcing me to remember the night she had lied in bed, holding a photo of me in her hand.
"I do not know." I hissed at him.
"And you won't know if you keep staying away from her. You are tearing your bond apart, Edward, and it is putting you both at risk."
"It is not the right time," I said, walking away from him.
"When will it be the right time, brother?" He shouted at me. His questions and mind games were irritating me. I turned back over into his direction. Frustration overwhelmed me to where I then slammed him against a tree, holding my hand to his throat. Jasper then used his gift again to calm me, but I held onto his throat tighter. Jasper did not force me away, even though he could have.
"Stop it, fucking stop that!" I snarled at him, trying to control my own feelings of frustration over his overwhelming control of calmness that was washing over me. "That boy is in her life now. There will be no right time until he leaves, or she leaves him. Do you get that? I cannot intervene in her life again. I did that before and I had made a mess for her. For God's sake, Jasper, a neurotic nomad hunted her down and his mate returned to Forks not too long ago trying to kill her, too." I heaved a heavy breath of air into my lungs to continue, "And all of this is happening because I entered her life the moment I came back from Denali when I decided that I wanted to get to know her. The moment I came back and spoke to her in goddamn biology class. And then Alice had these ridiculous visions of Bella becoming one of us. Who in the hell could have possibly turned her to force that to become a possible reality? Hmm? I doomed her, Jasper. Her life was doomed the moment I laid eyes on her." I then let go of his neck, backing away. Frustration turned into grief which then followed overwhelming pain. I crouched down onto the cobbled path, pressing my face into my thighs and clutching my hands on the back of my head.
Jasper did not respond or speak for the remainder of the night. He lifted me up off the ground and wrapped his arm around my waste forcing me to keep walking forward. I sulked against his shoulder, displaying images in my head of all the moments that had gone wrong during my relationship with Bella, and imagining the future of it if I had not left. What would have come of it? Would I have brought her into a dangerous situation where she would have needed to be bitten? Where did Alice's vision come from? What had caused Bella's future to be damned with a life of immortality? Was it I who had bitten her or a family member, and why had I not pulled the venom out of her system when that moment had come?
The night grew long as we had not come across other sources of food. We decided to end the night's search and continued walking the trails around the cliff side until the morning light showed over again. No early morning hikers were in the area, so we were free to walk around in the sunlight. We stayed quiet with each other, keeping our distance. We had come up short that morning, as well. We had taken down a few bucks, and a lone doe, but nothing exciting or filling as another mountain lion would have done. I wanted to become overfilled, something to make me uncomfortable to take my mind off her. Jasper's thoughts were becoming impatient as the hunt was becoming dry. He thought about Alice and questioned in his mind of what their plans were for the time they would be here for. It soothed me to know that Jasper had known that this arrangement would be temporary.
"So, brother," Jasper said.
"So?" I asked.
"Well it does not look like we will find anything worth hunting. We can leave tonight instead of tomorrow if you prefer." He said to me, quietly. I nodded at him. We continued the walk until the sun began to set.
"Welcome back, boys." Alice said from upstairs in her bedroom. Jasper immediately glided up the staircase while I followed behind him. When we walked in her room it looked as if we had never left. Her closet was filled with clothing that was lined with protective covers. A long dirty blonde wig and a French roast brunette wig sat on her dresser that was showcased onto a mannequin head. The dirty blonde wig was a medium length that was partially curled with long thick bangs that would cover the forehead and lightly drape over the eyes. The brunette wig was short but was fluffed into ringlet curls. Her sketch pads were lined across her desk along with measuring tape and fabric. She was working putting together fabrics for a new design she was working on. The fabric was a dark forest green that had matched the one in the sketch that she had laid out. The dress on the sketch pad was not particularly something that was Alice's taste. It was still beautiful. It sparkled more though, more than she would usually like. It was drawn short and tight with small straps that met with a triangular shaped neckline.
"Looks like you kept yourself occupied, my love," Jasper motioned his hand at the overflowing closet and winked at her. "What are the wigs for?" He asked, walking over to them, feeling the textures of the hair. She stood up slapping his hand away from them.
"Disguises for you and me," Alice replied, wrapping her arms around his neck with her leg straddling his hip and began to passionately kiss him. I had to clear my throat to get their attention away from each other. She chuckled at me, retracting their lips from each other. "I said I wanted a party, so I will have a party. And with these, along with some concealer to darken our complexions, makeup, and new clothing, we won't be recognizable."
"Oh, so the party is going to happen?" Jasper asked.
"No, definitely not, Alice," I said to her.
"Don't worry. You won't be there," Alice replied, looking at me.
"And where will I be?" I asked her, raising my eyebrow.
"Away…" Her voice grew quiet. Her mind shifted to a vision she had of myself in Seattle, lurking in the dark shadows between brick buildings. For what business did I have in Seattle? And how soon would that happen? This must have been Alice's reason for coming home. "So, did you boys catch anything interesting?" She asked, smiling
"You would already know," I said. "So, how is she?"
"She's fine, except she will be going to see Jacob tomorrow." Alice said, not looking at me as she sat back down at her desk, fiddling with some thread, pushing it into the sewing machine.
"Jacob? So, they are speaking again?" It bothered me. I thought it was possible that Jacob had done or said something that was unforgivable that she would not speak to him anymore. She was dodging his continued phone calls this week, and now I had wondered what changed. "Did she say when? Where?"
"In the morning, and no. They are going to spend time together tomorrow is all I know."
"Alice…"
"I said I don't know! I can't see for you anyways; the dog is going to be there." She said, frustrated. I nodded my head, staring out the window. I peered at the view of the river. All I knew is that I could not come along with them, for their possible whereabouts would be on the reservation, and that was not somewhere I could visit.
"Okay. Thank you, Alice. I will see you both in the morning."
"You know, she will be fine tonight without you," She said. Jasper chuckled a bit, rubbing his hands on her upper back as he watched her sew pieces of fabric together.
"Good to know," I replied. I left the house and ran over to the Swan's. Bella was already asleep in her bed by the time I climbed through the window. She was resting peacefully, unbothered. She clutched her hand on the passenger pillow, holding her forehead against it. A smile appeared across her lips as they perked up. I wish I could watch as she dreamed. I wished I could listen to them, see what she is dreaming of. To see what was appearing in her mind, but maybe I should not wish that to be so. For she could not be dreaming of me, and instead be dreaming of Jacob, for that was not my place to get in the way of. If she were to be dreaming of me, I would think it to be a nightmare. She would not have been sleeping so comfortably. But she had forgiven Jacob, interestingly enough. What is the possibility that she would forgive me, too? The possibility did not matter though.