Okay! I hope you guys really enjoyed that chapter! I wanted to play around a bit to showcase Alice's amazing talent and mind with transforming looks with just makeup and sculpting wax! I really hope you didn't get bored from it, for I actually enjoyed it. I wanted Edward to spend some time with his favorite sister and brother while he was there before he would leave for Seattle. I think we all deserve just a partial amount of Edward and Alice interaction. I am also pleased to inform you that we are now heading back into Bella's POV! I know it's been a long wait, and I am very sorry about that, but Edward's POV was something I needed to write about to fill in the holes of Bella seeing small glimpses of Edward when he was lurking around Forks. I know Bella saw a glimmer of light when she was riding the motorcycle in her last POV, but it was just the sunlight shining through the trees.

This was another reason I could not release these last few chapters as fast as I did previously because I did hiccups here and there. It caused problems in future events such as how where she was biking was over the treaty line where Edward could not be. I needed to be able to go back and forth to fix the pieces when I could. But I did write that it was a glimmer of the sun shining through the trees in the chapter, so that's good. It's partially fixed. Ha.. ha.. Yah. Okay! This chapter will be the longest one I have written so far, so I hope you have time to read it! I am not Stephenie Meyer… All rights to the Twilight saga and these characters go to her! Enjoy!(:

(This chapter contains softcore lemons)

Chapter 39: Lullaby

Bella's POV:

"I love you, Jacob." I whispered to him.

"I know," Jacob replied as I leaned my face closer into him for warmth. He then put his hand against my cheek, lifting my head up, kissing my lips so gently. I felt the rhythm in my chest begin to increase as I leaned my face into his. He shifted his shoulder to face mine and wrapped his hand behind the back of my neck, with his face now towering my own as I had to tilt my head back. I lifted my hand up, coiling my fingers in his hair, grasping tightly onto it. "Oh, Bella…" He breathed through his words.

Jacob wrapped his hand under my thigh and lifted me onto his lap. Both of my legs surrounded his hips on both sides. I ran my hand up his pecks, allowing the scorching heat of his body radiate between my fingers as I ran my hand farther down to his hard stomach that dipped and rippled in the right places. I then felt his hand push underneath my shirt, and his fingertips trailing up my back. I shivered as the heat emitting off his palm ran up my spine.

Our lips did not detach from each other as his tongue then began to slide across the inside of my cheek.

Heat began to rise from my stomach to my chest with my body tingling in excitement. The raw emotion I felt bubbled inside of me as the hypnotic aroma of his warm breath filled into my lungs. I could hear my own self, moaning out of enjoyment of our interaction. The enticing flavors of his lips were crushed against mine, forcing me to open my lips to follow the pattern of his. My body was beginning to move, as I barely lifted my bottom from his lap, grinding against his pelvis. I was suddenly being lifted from his lap, his hands clasped and groping my ass where Jacob then stood up, holding me against him. I felt him walking me away from the log and bending his knees as he then laid his back against the grass, with me on top of him.

I let go of his lips, catching a breath of air as we both needed it for I had felt my lungs suffocating. We both chuckled at each other when our eyes met until he then grabbed a fist full of my hair and pushed my face back against his. The moment was becoming more intense and I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead and feel his fingers slipping against my back as I was feeling much too warm from our bodies compressed against each other. I could hear soft moans escape his throat as my body continued to respond to his touch as I grinded against him. He now held both of his hands against my hips, inching up the hem of my navy-blue top up, past my waist. He held tightly onto my side, helping me grind my body against his pelvis that bulged as he followed, grinding his pelvis against me.

His lips then parted, escaping mine, "Do you want me to take your shirt off?" He asked, breathing through his words. I moaned, yearning for him to kiss me more, to touch me, but I wasn't sure I could let him. The moment was so enticing, so real, but so new…

"I—not yet, Jacob," I too said, breathing through my own words. How I wanted him, so immensely in this moment. "You know... That I'm—"

"A virgin?" He asked me. I nodded, with my forehead against his.

"Are you?" I asked, nervously. And he nodded at my question. "So… not Maria?" I whispered, in a teasing tone.

He chuckled at my question, "No, Bella. Of course not. You really think I'm in that much of a dire need to go after her instead of waiting for you?" He said, laughing, catching his breath.

"I don't know…" I hated myself to end the moment as I leaned my face away from him, sitting up on him. The bulge in his pants was now much larger. It tickled me through my khaki pants as he pulsed it against me.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to take it too far."

"No, no you didn't. I want to, I do. Just…"

"Please, don't say it… Don't mention him when you're with me…" he groaned.

"I—I wasn't. I just had not fully prepared myself for it, I guess. And… I don't know… I wouldn't really want to do it here… we are too exposed."

"Trust me, Bells. I would know if someone was coming." I chuckled at him, of course he would know, but I wanted a moment like this, especially my first time, to last without any possible disruption. I wanted this moment to last. I didn't need romance, but I did need the sense of security like a locked bedroom door. I flattened my mouth to the side of my face smiling at him.

"Not here, Jacob," I said. Jacob nodded at me and lifted his back off the ground into a sitting position with me still cradled on his lap. He leaned in, kissing my lips softly.

"Not here," he agreed, smiling back at me. I clasped my arms behind his neck, resting my chin on top of it, leaning my face against his cheek. The moment grew long as I was lost into my own thoughts. Thinking about the last several months I had spent with Jacob and how our relationship had led up to this moment. The small talking, the playful banter, the light flirting, and his persistence.

"Why did you try so hard…" I asked him.

"Try so hard?"

"Try so hard to make me better… when I was… broken," I said softly.

"You deserved to be happy, Bella. And I wanted to make you happy."

"But, why? Why me?" I asked him, confused.

"I've always had a crush on you, Bella. Yeah when we were kids, it was one of those innocent crushes when I wanted to smash mud in your face to gross you out, but…" We both chuckled at his response. "When I saw you at La Push for the first time, you were beautiful. Not—not saying I only liked you because you were pretty. I'm not that shallow, Bella." I lifted my face away from his and looked at him, squinting my eyes with a smug smile. He smiled back at me, and we giggled some more. "But, yeah. You were beautiful, and nice. You are still very nice like before but more in that awkward way you are. It was cute. And I got to know you more over these months… and I knew I was in love with you. You were worth fighting for. But you were never broken, Bells. Just… lost I guess." He wrapped his arms tighter around my torso, squeezing me a bit too hard, but I did not mind. I nuzzled my cheek back against his as a tear rolled down my face.

"Thank you, Jacob… for everything…" I said, expelling the air from my lungs. I felt him breathe out a heavy sigh, as well as he was compressed against my body.

"Want to head back to the rez?" He asked me.

"Yeah, let's go," I said, smiling at him. He stood up, with me still wrapped against him as he then let me down back onto my feet. He then took a couple of stones, chucking them onto the fire to suffocate the flames until it then died out. We walked back over to his bike and hopped on and drove back to mine that was hidden behind a tree. We got them both back into the trunk of the truck and he climbed into the driver's seat and drove us back to the reservation. Charlie's cruiser was parked in his driveway, and luckily, he was inside where he would not see the motorcycles in my trunk. Charlie, Sue, and Billy had already filled the small living room. The house smelled of fried fish that they had caught that day on the lake and the three of them sat at the table while Jake and I sat on the floor picking at our food making conversation together while the adults had a conversation of their own.

When seven-forty-five came around, Charlie decided it was late and that he wanted to head home. Sue followed him to the cruiser where he had offered to drop her off at her house, as well.

"Thank you, Billy for dinner. Nothing better than a deep-fried fish," I said to him, chuckling. He smiled at me.

"Thank you for getting Jacob out of the house, today. He needed a little vacation. Oh, and Jacob? Sam came by and said you needed to take your shift after you were finished eating."

Jacob sighed, and got up off the ground, helping me up. I helped him clean the dishes and plates, where I then waited for him while he was helping Billy get dressed and ready for bed. It was very humbling to watch how much Jacob did for Billy with his condition. He had taken care of Billy almost his whole life since his mom had passed.

After Jacob came back into the room, he walked me back to the truck.

"I can try to find a way to visit you tonight if you want," he offered.

"No, Jake, it's fine. I've already held you up much too long. Sam's probably irritated with me. I will see you tomorrow, though, if that's okay?"

"I can't… not tomorrow at least… Sam has us running a full patrol tomorrow. This week though?" I nodded at him. He met his face closer to mine and lightly kissed my lips as his index finger held the bottom of my chin up to his face. My heartbeat began to thrum rapidly again under his warm breath.

"I love you, Bella," he said to me as our lips parted.

"I love you too, Jake," I replied, wrapping my arms around him. He held his arms around my torso, holding onto the hug tightly, and then opened the driver door of my truck for me.

I drove home greeting Charlie in the driveway as he drove up behind me. I decided I needed to take a shower before bed as I could feel my shirt pressed against the dried sweat on my back. Charlie followed me up the stairs as he too was ready for bed. The shower was nice and cool as the water trickled in my scalp and over the crevices of my body. After I got out, I quickly stumbled into my room, drying my body off with my towel and put on my pajamas which consisted of my sweatpants and my tank top. I then took my towel and ran my hair through it, and then ended up wrapping the towel on top of my head. I knew I should probably work on the poetry assignment before I decided to pass out, for it was only eight-forty-five. I opened the poetry book and skimmed the verses which I had already read before in the past, just touching up on them.

It did not take me long to finish the poems that were assigned. Then, thoughts filled my head again of Edward. Edward, the vampire that I loved so immensely. The vampire that I had thought of every single night before bed and had pathetically cried myself to sleep over. But I shouldn't cry over him anymore. Jacob made me happy now, he really did... And I was falling in love with him. No… I think I am in love with him. These thoughts and reminders of Edward were getting in the way of me being able to mentally express these emotions I had for him. The reminders I had, such as the picture of him that I kept under my pillow. The reminders of him that I had such as the CD he made for me that I continuously played each night before I would fall asleep over the past week. These reminders were holding me back. Holding me back from the potential emotions I could further feel for Jacob.

I set my book down and then shifted onto my side, leaning towards the pillow next to mine. I lifted the pillow up, exposing the picture I had of him underneath it. I lifted it up, glancing at it until I had it in between my fingertips. Me, pressed against Edward's body. These were the reminders holding me back. The immense emotions I had felt towards this picture was blocking me from fully being able to embrace my emotions for Jacob. I ran my thumb across the picture and smiled at it. I didn't need to forget Edward, but instead, remember him. Remember the moments we had together, but understand those moments were now over. Just like a breakup that every girl has endured in her life, except mine was with one that would be entirely unforgettable.

I then pushed myself up on the bed, and shifted myself over to the CD player, opening it to unlatch the CD from it. I took it into my hands with the photo and then sat myself up and walked over to the dresser, pulling out the bottom drawer exposing the box full of memories in it. I lifted the box up, opening it and glanced down at the objects that were in there. I saw the plane tickets that were facing upwards. Plane tickets that were to take me to Jacksonville to see Renee. I could see the expiration date was ending soon by the beginning of September. I should use them. Maybe with the second plane ticket I could take Jacob with me. I smiled at the thought of Jacob meeting my mother and spending time in the sun with him. That was a possibility. I then glanced away from it and grabbed the CD case, placing the CD back into it and then back into the box along with the photo.

Seeing these items now returned to the box caused me to feel a discomfort in my chest. It was a chapter of my life that I was now beginning to close. To encase in this box in the bottom dresser drawer, unopened again. I took the plane tickets out and placed them on my dresser. I did not want to have to go through this box again, not any time soon, at least. I needed to close it. I needed to place it back in the bottom drawer where it belonged. I nodded to myself, and closed the lid, placing the box back into the drawer, pushing it shut. I could feel the pain quake in my chest again. I shut my eyes tightly, taking in a deep breath.

"Happy. I want to be happy…" I said to myself. Jacob makes me happy. I don't deserve it, or him, but he continues to be persistent to make me happy, and he deserves me to be persistent to let him; to make him happy too. I pulled the towel off my head as I felt the small damp waves of my hair fall from it onto my face. I walked back over to my door, hanging the towel onto it. My hair was a mess, and I wanted to go to bed without worrying about waking up to a head full of tangles, so I went into my bathroom to comb my hair. I stared directly in the mirror looking at myself as the comb ran through my hair. I smiled in the mirror as I grazed my finger across my lips where Jacob had placed his onto not too long ago. This is what happiness should feel like, and it did. I placed the comb down after my hair now fell straight over my shoulders and draped over my chest. I walked back into my room and sat back on my bed.

I had wondered whether Jacob would take the initiative to come over tonight. I did want to see him. I wanted him to fall asleep next to me while I drifted off to sleep into his arms, but I told him not to. I felt uneasy about the possible idea that I was getting in the way of the packs schedule, because I was. I took Jacob's whole day from them, but I couldn't apologize for that. I needed it; we both did.

I heaved out a heavy sigh and leaned over towards my side table and turned the lamp off. I then climbed under my sheets and laid down, with my right cheek compressed against the pillow, facing my door. Jacob was mine… and I was his… and that meant happiness. Happiness… Happiness. I repeated to myself mentally. I lied there in my bed, with my eyes closed remembering the day that had gone by. I thought about the phone call I had with Jacob last night to make plans to see him today. I thought about how we both decided to drive to the road with the bikes to take a nice ride together. Of course, Jacob had to show off by zooming past me on it, and I had chuckled at the thought. I then remember hearing him again… hearing him as I picked up the pace on the bike to catch up to Jacob. I no longer felt the need any more to hear it again. For it was nice and comforting in a way to hear that velvet voice again, I knew I would be okay without it. I would be okay without him.

I continued to think some more, about the stories he told me about aging. Jacob does not age until he stops shifting, which was a peculiar idea. As my age continued to rise, he did not, like he was immortal in a way. That annoyed me, how it's always me growing old. Why does it always have to be me growing old? I shifted my mind off the topic, and then thought about the gross hot dogs that Jacob had kept in his pocket all day to cook on the fire for us. I ate them anyway to be polite. It wasn't that they tasted gross, they were good, but the idea of multiple hotdogs in his pocket all morning and afternoon against his warm skin did leave my stomach uneasy. And then words. The words to seal our feelings for each other. The, 'I love you' that I had spoken to him that he reciprocated back with a kiss. It was so intense, and raw… nothing that I had felt before. Edward always had to be so careful with me, but Jacob was not. He held me, pulling me closer and tighter against him. His hot hands caressing my skin as his tongue lined the inside of my cheek. I don't know if I would have continued it further if we were alone in a room all day together without interruption, but I knew I wanted to.

I wanted to feel him. His shirtless body pressed against my bare torso. I wanted to feel his hands grazing every portion of my body until we were connected, fully connected. I smiled at the thought, the thought that one day, possibly soon, that we would connect. We would make that decision together when it was right. I could feel my body relax against the pillow as my body sunk deeper into the mattress. I felt happy, I felt bliss at the thought. And then, I fell to sleep peacefully.

I could hear a voice coming through my mind. It was soft, and sweet. But I recognized it. I recognized the velvet voice that emitted through my mind. Edward.

"I owe you an apology..." The words from the rest of the sentence that were coming through my thoughts were fuzzy, as if my mind was delirious, coming off drugs after getting your wisdom teeth removed. The voice sounded morphed a bit, until it started to become clearer. "You are worth more than anyone could ever give you… What I had left you here to deal with while these delirious thoughts that you had created in your mind through my lies… You weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I could not convince you that I did not love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I had moved on, so would you…" The words paused. It was as if my mind was trying to register words depicted by him to continue going. What was happening? Why would my dream send me here? Was this a final farewell from him? A final farewell from my Edward that I had created in my mind?

"These words do not depict the way I feel. It does not depict the way I feel sorrowful for doing what I did to you. I feel as if I am creating excuses for myself, trying to justify what I did… but I cannot justify what I had done to you, Bella. It was malicious. And to leave you here… in danger… Bella, if I can promise you anything other than to love you forever, is that I promise to rid your life of danger… You deserve to live a happy, human life, with no fear, no worries. Only happiness."

I opened my eyes slowly as the words then ceased to continue. This dream felt so real as I could see the moon light that streamed through my window depicting the highlights in this figure's hair as I did not see before when I had dreamed of him. But it was him, if it wasn't for his voice to make me realize who this figure was, then it would've been for his flawless features that were shadowed in the moonlight when he then looked up at me. His eyelids glowed red as if they were burning or had finished mourning. His words were so beautiful, even if they were not real. The words he had said to me could not depict what Edward would have thought of me. He could not possibly love me, and my mind was trying to bring him back. Why would my mind do this to me, and not bring me Jacob, at least? Why do I keep sabotaging myself?

"Ed—Edward?" I then spoke his name aloud. I shifted my body weight and lifted myself up on the bed. I wanted to touch his face. I felt compelled to because it was so beautiful, and his skin looked so smooth. It was absolutely incredible what my mind was doing, creating his facial features, and portraying them so much more perfectly than I had been able to imagine him before. And his voice, his sweet velvet voice was perfect. I continued to stare into his golden eyes, for I was afraid that if I had looked away from him, for even a second, that he would be gone… I wanted to touch him though, I needed to feel him. I leaned my hand closer to him, but he inched away from me.

"This is a dream… isn't it," I said, softly. "You wouldn't be here if I was awake… or even would have said those things to me. My Edward outside of this nightmare would have never said those things…"

"I could see why you would associate me with a nightmare," he replied. No, this was not a nightmare, though. Edward was being too kind to me for this to be a nightmare.

"You know, Edward. This dream does seem more real than the other ones. But, you're in my room, saying lovely things to me, saying that you love me. That's how I know this is a dream. My Edward doesn't love me…" I said staring at him.

"I'm sorry you believe that. But I do, I will love you for forever, even after you go, and I take my life with you… I will love you for eternity Isabella Marie Swan." I shook my head at his words. No, this was not right. This was not right, at all. Edward doesn't love me. Why does my imaginary Edward express it so beautifully to me that he actually cares for me? It hurt, knowing that this was a dream and not a reality.

"It's funny how my mind conveys that. How I still try to convince myself that you would love me; that you would love a boring human like myself. At least this dream is nicer… nicer than the ones before…"

"Bella you should lay your head down, and close your eyes," he said. His response had shocked me a little. Edward always had enjoyed conversing with me, and in this dream he did not. It's as if my dream Edward wanted to escape me too.

"If I lay my head down and close my eyes, then I will wake up and you'll be gone. Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you deserve to be happy. Happy in a world that I do not exist." The words flowing off his tongue had reminded me how I had repeated to myself that I need to be happy. I need to live in a world without Edward in it, for he was living in a world without me.

"Happy… Happy... Happy…" I said, repeating the words over and over, then trailing them off. "I was happy with you, you know. Or— well you don't know that…Mmm, you would know, considering my mind created you. I guess… I liked what you said to me." This Edward in my dreams kept being so nice to me, nicer than I deserved from him. The pain in my chest felt as if it was quaking again, quaking over the fact that this was not reality. That Edward would have never said these things to me. I felt the heat in my chest begin to bubble in my throat as I felt as if I was suffocating. The heat began to rise to my cheeks and forehead as the pain was exhausting. I was tired of being in pain, pain over him, but it was hard to let him go, even if it was a dream. "It was nice to hear, even if my mind made it up… it was still nice to hear…" The tears began to form in my eyes, I tried to hold them back.

"Then believe them, please… or do not, that is up to you. I cannot ask you to forgive me, Bella," he said, looking up at me. The moonlight glistened over the gold that weaved in his beautiful irises. How could I possibly not forgive him? For what had he done wrong? Yes, he had left me, but I could not hold him back. I could not make him love me.

"I will always forgive you, Edward. It made sense that you didn't love me. It made sense that I over exaggerated our relationship," I could feel the tears about to spill over in my eyelids. I tried to hold them back. I did not want to cry in front of him, in front of the Edward in my mind that greeted me with kindness

"No, Bella. I love you; I love you more than you could understand, please… You gave me so much more than I deserved from you. You gave me your acceptance, you gave me your bravery, you gave me life." The pain quaked harder into my chest. It now felt as if someone had torn their arm through it, with their fingers wrapped around my lungs. I was suffocating. Tears began bubbling down my cheeks as I could not hold them back anymore. I tried gasping for air, but I couldn't quite force it into my lungs that were being crushed against a false hand. I leaned back grabbing onto my legs and forcing my thighs and knees against my chest, applying pressure. "Bella, Bella, dear," It hurt, it hurt so much. "What is wrong, please, please tell me. I need to know what you are thinking," he said, pleading. He had to know what was wrong. How could he not know? I looked up at him and let one of my arms go limp from my grasp against my knees. I leaned forward to him. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel him again, but he moved away from me… he always leaves…

"Even I can't control my dreams. Even in my dreams you don't want me touching you… I'm so pathetic…" I mumbled to myself.

"Bella, please stop saying words of discouragement. It is not fair for you to think so ill of yourself." How could he ask me to not speak ill of myself? What was my mind trying to do to me? Why was my mind trying to convince me that this was real?

"I can think of myself however I want to." I hissed. He sighed, glancing over towards the window. He must be wanting to leave through it. To leave me, again. "I guess I'm not surprised you want to leave."

"Bella, I do not want to leave. I wished so much to be able to stay, to stay with you," He said softly to me as his eyes locked onto mine.

"Then stay…" I pleaded to him. I wanted him to stay, for however long I had left with this Edward, for I did not know when or if I ever would dream of him again in this way.

"I cannot, Bella, I have to go… I need to leave so I can end the danger in your life. My world is not for you…" My world is not for you…

"My world is not for you…" I repeated. My mind was pulling in old memories again, trying to torture me. "You said that to me before… when you left me. Why." I demanded.

"My world has only brought danger into yours… with me… my family… James, Laurent, and now Victoria. I have to end the pattern."

"I never asked you to end the pattern, Edward. I want to be in your world," I hissed at him.

"It is not safe," he said, softly to me. His voice fell as it sounded that he was regretful for that. What was it his business anyway if his world was not safe for me? The only people that mattered to me to be safe were the people I loved and cared for.

"I don't fucking care if it's not safe! I wanted to be with you! I wanted to be with you forever," I shouted at him in a whispered tone. My lungs continued to beg for air.

"Bella, slowly. Breathe slowly, please… you are going to wind yourself," He begged, now only a few inches away from me. But he was pissing me off, trying to tell me what I can and can't do in my own dream. Trying to tell me that I can't take my own chances. Take my own risks in life.

"No! Stop that! Don't tell me what to do! This is my dream! I can do what—" I paused my sentence. This was my dream. Only I can control it, whether imaginary Edward liked it or not. I can do what I want in my dream. I started to breath slowly through my nose as my shoulders shifted with me. I stared at him, to see the expression in his face. My mind created those eyes, my mind created his parched lips. "I can do.. What I want in my dream… I control it." If I wanted to touch him, then I can. Because this was my dream. I leaned my hand forward to him again, but he resisted, and I recoiled my arm. "My dream." I said sternly to him. I leaned forward again. I could feel my fingertips becoming numb as I began to feel unsure of my decision, but it was only a dream. A dream that I would wake up from soon. I then hovered my fingers over his cheek, pausing before placing them against it. I could already feel the cool temperature radiating from him. And then I placed them against his face, feeling the spine curling cold temperature that I had faintly remembered it being. "You're cold…" I said to him, confused.

"I have always been cold, Bella."

"You're never cold in my dreams. Why are you cold now?" I asked myself. Why was he cold? Why was he cold in this dream, but not in the others? What did this mean? That it really was him?

"Like you said, this dream seems to be more real than your others. Your mind is adjusting to how my skin used to feel to you," Edward said, reminding me of my own delusions. Of course, he wasn't real. Edward would have never come back to me.

"I suppose…" I said. I lifted my other hand against his other cheek, rubbing my thumb across it. The chills ran through my spine, but it made no sense, unless his reasoning was the explanation, but why now? His skin felt smooth, with no blemishes upon it. His face was perfectly symmetrical as I had faintly remembered. The ridge in his nose peaked just right. "Perfect… you're more perfect in this dream than you are in my other dreams too…"

"I am far from perfect, Miss Swan," he replied to my words. He was the one who now looked ill, as if he was disgusted by my words. I shook my head at him.

"You've always been perfect…" I replied, shifting onto my knees. I wanted to pull his face closer to mine, I wanted him to be nearer to me. His body agreed to my reach as he followed me, his nose inching closer to mine. I couldn't stop myself, it felt like pure instinct at this point, as if nothing had mattered in the world. As if this was what should be happening, right now. I leaned my face now closer to him, tilting my head, inching my lips to his. If this was only a dream, then the only person I could hurt is myself… but he leaned away from me. It was as if my mind was trying to end the moment out of guilt. Guilt that I should be feeling. I should be feeling this guilt, for I had expressed my love for Jacob not too long ago. But it made no sense as to why he would still be leaning away when I wanted him closer. "Why do you keep leaning away from me…"

"Because, I cannot hurt you anymore," He replied.

"You aren't hurting me…" I said. He could never hurt me. My imaginary Edward was perfect. I stared into his eyes, focusing on his face, the beauty of it. "This is the very most grateful dream of you I've had in a long time. You could never possibly hurt me… not until I wake up again, at least. Lay down with me… please." I begged him, letting go of his face and gripping onto his upper arm instead, pulling him towards me. This dream was soon to be over. I wanted to take as much advantage as I could possibly take while he was here. "Lay down with me… until I wake up again."

Edward lifted himself up from the floorboards and slowly crawled over to me, leaning over my body as he laid himself onto his side on the other side of the bed. It felt so familiar, seeing him laying against my mattress as if he never left before. I started to pat the pillow that was underneath his elbow. I wanted him to completely lay down against it, as he used to before while I dreamt next to him. The chime of his chuckles struck through me as they exited his throat. The chime that had then melted me, melting my chest as it felt that the ghost arm was relieving its grasp from my lungs, and pulling out. The pain was sharp, until it was only a hint. He understood my gesture, leaning his head against the pillow, but he was still laying on his side, looking at me. I leaned over to him, pushing my hand against this shoulder to force him onto his back. He followed my command to that, as well. I now felt full in control of this dream. It was mine, but I wanted to be closer to him. I wanted to cling my body against him as if he never left, as if I was never going to let him leave me again. I slid closer to him, wrapping my arm over his torso and my leg around his waist. The cold chill of his body formed small ripples over my skin as the goosebumps began to form.

"I am so sorry, you are freezing…" he said concerningly to me. He worried about me, even in my own dream, he worried about my temperature.

"No, I'm not. It's okay…" I replied, quietly. I rubbed my cheek against his chest, resting it more deeply into his cold skin. It felt natural to be here. To be close to him.

"I do not want you to freeze to death, love," He said. Love is what he called me. I giggled at his reply; it caused me to feel giddy. And then I was lifted into the air for just a brief moment. I gasped as I was no longer clung to his body. I felt I was being torn away again, away from his clutch. Was I waking up? No, I could still feel him… his arms around me, until I was immediately pressed against his chest again, as if I had never left. He had pulled the comforter over my body, tucking me into him. The warm blanket had helped, only a tiny bit. The same as if I was laying against a snowbank, and someone had wrapped a blanket over me. But I did not mind. I preferred that at this moment. I preferred to be cold forever with a warm blanket against my back if it meant I would not wake up from this dream.

I felt safe, blissful even. This is where I had hoped to dream for a long time. A dream where Edward came back to me, to hold me, to tell me sweet things that I had not deserved to hear. But happiness fades, especially when you wake up. But my happiness was not doomed. My happiness was still there, down the road from me near a beach where the ice-cold waves crashed against the cobbled sand. That was where my happiness in my reality took place. Where fire had met ice. I felt guilty for feeling so content in his arms, even if it was a dream. I had convinced myself that I could accept that my life with Edward was over, and I could. I can accept that. But I needed to confess it to Edward. The kindest imaginary Edward that had finally met me in my dreams.

"Can I talk to you?" I said, hesitating. I held my breath as I looked up at him, shyly. I needed to confess these words to him, to confess the feelings that had grown in me. The feelings that had helped heal me as much as they possibly could. I felt so nervous, even if he wasn't real, I still felt nervous.

"You already are, my love," he replied to me, chuckling. Oh, his beautiful laugh that trickled down my spine. His face and voice were too perfect. I could feel my cheeks growing hotter as his cold thumb grazed across him. He felt so familiar. So cold, but it felt like my distant home.

"I mean… Can I talk to you… about something serious? Something I wanted to talk to you about for a long time… even if you are a creation of my imagination…" I was nervous to say what I wanted to say to him. The possibility that this Edward could leave if I confessed to him about Jacob. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew he couldn't if I now was in control of my dreams. I would never let him leave, not until I allowed it.

"Yes, Bella… anything…" he said, dazzling me with his velvet voice. I stared up at him, absolutely star struck.

"Well, since you are a creation of my own mind… You would already know about Jacob Black…" I said, hesitantly to him. I looked away and felt his head nodding above me. He was quiet. "Well, Jacob is a werewolf…"

"I know…" he replied, softly. I could feel his chest tense up, and then relax again.

"Yes, of course you know that. I'm stupid." His hand then drifted down my cheek and underneath my chin as he lifted my head up to look back into his eyes.

"You are not stupid, Isabella Swan. Stop defiling yourself with these blasphemous words. You are incredibly smart, and so beautiful, Bella." I could feel another tear stream down my cheek as it then puddled at the crease of my nose. He then lifted his thumb from my chin and wiped the tear away. He then took his thumb and placed it into his mouth, smiling at me. What an odd thing to do, but we both joined in on a small laugh at his action. It felt good to laugh, especially with him.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked him. "Knowing what you already know… knowing that I've created feelings for another man… that's not you," I said, growing quieter in the last few words I spoke. "I mean—"

"Bella, how could I possibly be upset with you? I cannot deny that it does pain me that you have moved on, but that is all I ever wanted for you… You deserve happiness, Bella. You deserve to be loved in ways that I could not give to you. I left because you deserved more than the damned life I had to offer."

"A life with you would never be damned…" I replied to him. A life with him would have always been lovely. He introduced me to his family who I grew to love so much. He introduced me to a life that felt worth living… and a life that I could possibly never have to grow old in, one that I could stay still forever, by his side.

"It would be damned, Bella…" he hesitated, pursing his lips together. "Alice saw it… your life was doomed ever since you met me."

"I know what Alice saw, Edward. That wasn't doom, that was bliss… it's something I wanted, because I could be with you forever."

"I did not want that, Bella," he replied. The pain in my chest then became more apparent. I winced at it, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I—I know…" I said, stuttering. "I know you did not want to spend the rest of your life with me. I guess I'm selfish… selfish for pushing my wants onto you." He then groaned, shaking his head. His teeth curled behind his lips.

"Bella, how can you possibly be so stubborn. I do not understand…" he said. "I want to spend the rest of my existence with you… but not forever… not if it means for you to lose your soul."

"We've already talked about this, Edward… I told you, I do not believe that. There is no universe where your soul is damned or lost. You are... perfect…" I replied to him, nuzzling my face closer into his chest. I meant those words. There was no possible way that if he left this earth with me, that we both wouldn't spend the rest of our afterlife together in peace.

"No, Bella… you are…" he said, pulling the straggled piece of hair away from my face. I bit my lip at his response because it was not true. I was not perfect.

"If I was perfect, you never would have left…"

"I left to protect you… and it was wrong of me to do that, I see that now. I left you behind in more danger than I possibly could have imagined."

"Jacob can handle Victoria," I said, still pressing my face against his chest.

"If he could, why has he not?" he replied, chuckling.

"Why haven't you?" I asked him, yawning. It was strange for me to be tired when I was already asleep. Edward heaved out a sigh at my response.

"She's been playing with Alice's visions…" He said, stretching out his words as he spoke slowly. It felt that he was withholding something from me, but how could he if he was a part of my imagination?

"Wha—What does this have to do with Alice's visions?" I asked, feeling frozen against his chest. I had not heard from her since she had written me that email with no return address. He sighed when I had asked.

"So, as you know, and I know… that Laurent is dead. And I believe that Laurent had given information to Victoria about Alice's gift. Victoria continues to change her decision, causing Alice to not be able to pin-point her plans, or her whereabouts."

"Oh… that makes sense, I guess. Laurent did tell me he spoke to Victoria and that she wanted him to check to see if you all were still in Forks… watching over me." I said to him, trying to put the pieces together of why my mind had not thought of this assumption. He nodded at my response.

"If only I had been. Been here, with you. You would have never run into him, and he would never have been able to get within ten miles of you… or those wolves," he said, grinding his teeth. "Bella, you have not a clue about the guilt and shame I feel for leaving you here, leaving you with your life at risk." I shook my head against his chest.

"Enough. You need to stop apologizing to me. I've already forgiven you. And that's something I wanted to speak to you more about…" I said, softly as my sentence drifted under my breath.

"You have my full attention."

"I love him, Edward. I love Jacob. I'm in love with him."

"I know that."

"And… as you already know, since you are in my mind… I almost had sex with him today." I could feel his body stiffen again, but this time it did not unclench, instead he continued to nod at me. "I didn't though. It wasn't right. We were in the woods at this new campsite for hikers… It was cold, we were exposed outside… And I don't know. I want to, I really did… but I wasn't ready…"

"If you… really wanted to, how were you not ready? Please, explain..." He said, as his body felt relaxed again.

"To be honest, I hoped you could explain that to me… I mean, you are the Edward of my subconsciousness…"

"This is not something I can explain to you, I am sorry, Bella," he said. I heaved out a sigh, running my finger against his chest. He fiddled his fingers in my hair, pulling at the small tangles.

"Maybe it's because I've never done that before. I mean, there is always a first for everything… but, I don't know…" I said, contemplating my thoughts. "Or because I'm still in love with you," I sighed looking out the window at the tree that swayed in the breeze. I felt his head tilt up, to look at me.

"In love?" He asked.

"Yes, in love. Of course. I've never stopped loving you… you were my first love, my first, kiss, my first everything. I've always felt alone in my life, like I didn't belong here. But you, Edward. You made me feel alive, continuing to peak my interests each day. Then you introduced me into your world… what a beautiful world you were a part of… and there was nothing more that I wanted but to spend the rest of my existence with your own. But," I continued, "some things have changed a bit. I've fallen in love again. It's not as deep as my love for you, but it's new and exciting. And…" I continued to speak, trying to hold my tongue, but I couldn't anymore. "And… Jacob touches me… he doesn't hesitate… he really touches me. He's not afraid to break me, because I'm not fragile to him. He lets me be reckless and do fun things, even if they are dangerous. I feel free with him." I looked up at Edward trying to read the mute facial expression that appeared on his face. "This isn't me trying to put you down, Edward… believe me, every moment with you has always been perfect.

"Every touch with you had been perfect but you were always so careful. You always worried about breaking me. I knew that you wouldn't. I knew that you had self-control, but you never believed it. You always discouraged yourself, Edward. You say that I speak so ill of myself, but you do too, to yourself. I always wished you would let your guard down to live in the moment with me, but you were always so cautious…" My throat felt dry when forcing the words out of my mouth. It had been a longtime since I had spoken that much all at once. But they needed to be said, I needed to confront him.

"You are right," he replied in a monotone voice. "You deserve what Jacob can give you, and what I cannot." He ran his finger up my back over the covers, heaving out a sigh. "Please, do not let me be the one to hold you back from your future with him, Bella."

"You always will be…" I said, with a shaking breath.

"It is not fair to you, or him. He is lucky to have even gotten a chance with you, entirely… we both are… but I left you, Bella. He did not, he is still here."

"You're here now…" I said, knowing these words were not true.

"And when you awake, I will be gone… and Jacob will still be here." I gripped my fingers against the side of his chest tightly, baring my face into his sweet scent. I felt another tear roll down my cheek forming a puddle in the crevice of my nose. I sniffed my nose, trying to hold back the drainage trying to escape. "Do not cry for me, Bella. I do not deserve your tears," he spoke softly. "Close your eyes, my love" he then whispered.

"Please…. Please… don't go…" I whispered more softly, more to myself this time, like wishing onto a shooting star that never comes true.

His voice was a small whisper now as he leaned his head into my ear, "I will come, whenever you need me to. I will always keep you safe…"

I listened to him this time. I felt so exhausted, much too exhausted to hold onto this dream. I shut my eyes and continued to cling onto him for what felt like a long time without spoken words. I could feel the soft vibrations in his chest as he began to hum my lullaby as I drifted off to a new one.