Hello Friends! Well would you look at this 2 chapters in 2 weeks? It's almost as if I'm finally figuring out how this posting thing works (jk don't get used to this T^T) But here is a chapter full of nothing but deep dives into backstories and emotions!

Warnings at end of chapter

Snowy Island, New World

Snow falling gently outside, the crew drinking eating and laughing, someone badly singing a shanty, several card games going on, everyone is happy, everyone is enjoying their time on the familiar island, everyone except for the one person missing from the party, everyone except for the person usually at the center of all revelry, everyone except for the captain.

Noticing the distinct lack of Shanks' laughter in the cave I set down my drink to look around for him. But through the crew I couldn't find the spark of red that was never far from the heart of any party. So I turned to the person closest to me and said, "Hey do you know where Boss went?"

Doc turned to me and said, "Oh, he said he needed to think and went to find a place to brood."

I nodded in thanks and stood to go try and find my captain. As soon as I stepped out of the shelter of the cave the freezing mountain air felt like a slap to the face. I gritted my teeth and tugged the collar of my outermost coat up closer to my face.

Damn it. Why does this arctic hellscape have to be everyone else's favorite camping spot? We're pirates, we don't need to be huddling in a cave!

As soon as it had been decided that we were heading for Snowy island I started complaining about my hatred of the cold (as well as the very real risk of me freezing to death because of my Devil Fruit). So the crew had pulled together what random coats they had laying around and thrown them at me with good natured shouts of "There! Now shut the hell up, we want to drink!"

With the coats I was at least safe from completely freezing but still had to make sure that I kept my body in a solid state so that random parts would turn to water and freeze on their own. So with all that in mind and me being bundled up in several ill fitting coats I began trudging through the snow towards a nearby peak where I was sure to find my captain.

I found him after a little while of searching sitting on a cliff edge that barely clung to the highest peak of the mountainous island. He sat with his back to me and didn't turn to look at me even as the snow crunch beneath my shoes.

Well at least he found an aesthetically pleasing place to brood.

"Hey Boss." I called out once I was about an arms reach away.

He jumped slightly as if he hadn't sensed me approaching and looked out over the island as he said, as he said, "Hey Ads. You sure you should be out here?"

I shrugged and said, "I'll be fine. I wanted to come check on you and I think I can tolerate the cold for at least that long."

"Thanks but I'm fine."

"You sure about that?" I asked as I eyed the ever growing pile of empty bottles next to him.

He followed my eyes and sighed as his shoulders hunched just a touch. "I'm fine, just a lot of memories."

I nodded again. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not really great company right now."

"Yeah well if I was looking for a fun conversation I would have stayed in the cave." I said as I moved to sit down next to him. "Besides, you're always there for me when I hit a rough patch."

"Thanks Ads." He said with a weak smile.

Anytime Captain, it's the least I can do after everything you've done for me…

After that the two of us sat in silence as we watched the clouds roll between the mountains far below. As we sat there I expected Shanks to continue drinking but instead he busied his hand with the swatch of black cloth in his lap that I hadn't noticed before sitting down.

"They don't get it." He said after a long while, still running his fingers over the embroidery on the flag.

"Who?" I asked.

"Any of them. Everyone sees Roger as this legendary man who was either the devil incarnate or an untouchable god. No one gets that he was just a man."

"You never thought that?"

"I did when I was a kid. But then I grew up and…" He trailed off as he stared down at the flag.

I nudged his side and said, "What was he like? Really?"

He was quiet for a minute longer. "He was an idiot. He had a hell of mean streak when the mood hit him, and the shortest temper I've ever seen. But he also had the biggest heart. He was- He was my dad. And they were trying to sell his-" He broke off and took a deep breath.

"I wanted to kill them all. When Beckman told me that they had Roger's flag, our flag, and they were trying to sell it like it's nothing more than a valuable relic. Oh I wanted to slaughter everyone in that building. Hell it's what Roger would have done. So maybe I should have."

He paused to shake his head before continuing. "But no, I can't do what Roger did, I have to be better than Roger."

"Better than Roger? Why? I'd have thought you'd want to be like him." I said.

He said as his hand clenched the flag in a tight fist. "Roger was my dad, and he was a great pirate, but he was a shit captain. I can not, will not, allow my crew to suffer like he did."

As he spoke the air started to grow heavy in my lungs as Shanks' control over his haki started to slip. He reached for the bottle at his side and took a long drink before taking a deep breath and speaking again.

"Buggy and I never should have been on that ship in the first place. What the hell was he thinking bringing two babies on board? There's no way we could have ever-"

When he broke off I said, "That's why you're so strict about who joins the crew and all of us being equal in strength isn't it? You don't want anyone to feel out of place in the crew?"

"Not entirely. If you're weaker than the rest you can fall behind. If you fall behind you can be left behind. And I refuse to do that to anyone on my crew. I will never leave anyone behind."

I narrowed my eyes at him and watched his jaw tighten before asking, "What happened, at the end, when the crew was disbanded?"

Shanks was quiet for a long minute before he said, "Captain left the ship first, and then one by one everyone else left too. Eventually it was just me, Buggy, Rayleigh, and Millet Pine. They were going to take the Oro to hide her somewhere in Paradise and Rayleigh was going to Sabaody so before they crossed through Fishman Island they stopped at Mystoria and told me and Buggy to leave. Rayleigh just, handed me his sword and said, 'good luck boys' and went on his merry fucking way. He just left us in the New World. He left us alone in the New World." Shanks stopped and threw the bottle in his hand off the cliff as hard as he could.

"How old were you?"

"We were 14."

I felt my breath catch in my throat at that. But before I could start to spiral down into my memories Shanks was speaking again, "So that's why I don't have a problem with what you did before joining up with us. I know exactly what it takes to survive in the New World on your own at that age. I've done plenty of shit I wish I hadn't just to make it to the next sunrise."

As I felt my throat tighten I said, "But we made it."

"Yeah, we did."

We fell into silence again, both of us lost in our own painful memories of days we wished to forget. But the longer we sat in silence the harder it was for me to hold back one question that had been burning in my mind since I first met Shanks.

Finally I caved and said, "What was he like? When he was with the crew?"

"Who?"

"My father, Rayleigh."

Shanks thought for a moment. "He was the first mate so it was his job to keep everyone on the ship in line and that made him strict. He would always punch me and Buggy in the head when we got into arguments, hurt like hell, but we were pretty annoying. Even still he knew how to have fun and could never stop himself from getting caught up in whatever dumbass scheme Roger was planning. Guess the long and the short of it was that he was strict but fair."

"Did he drink much?"

"As much as the rest of the crew."

I nodded at that as I stared off into the distance. In my mind shattered glass and droplets of blood sprayed across floor boards replaced the beautiful mountain range before me.

"What happened when he got to Sabaody?" Shanks asked.

"Probably exactly what you're thinking. He was already an alcoholic and he had just lost his best friend. Let's just say that adding a 5 year old girl to the situation didn't exactly cheer him up."

"Did he hurt you?"

I shrugged, "I don't think it was intentional. He just didn't have any patience for me being in his way, speaking to him, speaking around him, being in the same room, or even the same island somedays. He made it known when I had offended him. I remember one time he came back to the bar sober and demanded my mother give him something to drink. But we were out, he'd already drunk her entire stock so instead he grabbed me by my wrist and dragged me down the front steps. I can still remember how his grip forced the bones in my wrist to grind together. I tried to turn my arm into water and get away but he just used haki. He always used haki. So he just dragged me all the way across the archipelago and into a human shop where he tried to sell me for whisky. But the slaver said that I wasn't worth whisky since I was a girl, so he gave him wine instead. Rayleigh, my father, sold me to slavers for a single bottle of wine."

I could feel Shanks' eyes on me as he stared at me in horror. I barely even noticed his Conqueror's Haki that was pouring off of him at this point, instead I just sniffled pathetically and said, "You know it's kind of funny actually. The slaver, the one he sold me to? He was actually my friend's dad. So he bought me and then just took me home, gave me dinner, and walked the two of us to the port in the morning so we could go to school. The slaver that I was sold to cared about me more as a human being than my own father."

"How the fuck-"

I cut Shanks off as a laugh ripped its way out of my throat. "Oh shit I am so fucked up! After all that Rayleigh still isn't the one who actually damaged me the most! Sure he'd smack me around a bit but even he never broke any bones!" I said as I laughed and tears started to stream down my cheeks.

"What do you mean?"

My laughter trailed off until I was only left with angry bitter tears clinging to my lashes. I forced a sad smile and said, "It's funny. I was personally trained by Monkey D. Garp, I've been fighting pirates on the Grand Line since I was 7 years old, I've sailed with two emperors and one super rookie. But even to this day, only one person has ever managed to break one of my bones. My mother."

"What happened?"

"My mother and I were very close before Rayleigh came back. I mean of course we were, it was just the two of us. But still, we did everything together, and we were happy. She always had this tiny smile on her face when I managed to learn a new trick with my fruit or with my haki. She really made me believe that I was the center of her world, she definitely was mine. But once he came back she… changed. She stopped spending time with me, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't smile, and- and she wouldn't protect me. So then one day I said something I shouldn't have and she didn't like that."

"What did she do?"

"She hit me." I said before taking a deep breath and looking up. "Do you see this tiny little bump on my cheekbone?" I pointed to my left cheek right underneath my eye.

"Barely?"

"Yeah it's pretty hard to see but it's there. It's um- it's a metal plate that was put in to hold my cheekbone in place after she hit me. She broke my cheekbone, dislocated my jaw, and made me lose a few teeth as well. It was one of the worst injuries I've had, actually."

"What did you say?"

I looked down again and shook my head slightly.

"Addie I won't hurt you."

"I know that."

"But you don't believe it."

I shrugged and took a drink of the bottle I had brought with me. "Maybe I just don't want to jinx myself. My mother said that if I ever said it again she would kill me."

"Addie there is nothing you could have said that would justify her doing that to you."

I ran my fingers through my hair before taking a deep breath. "I said that I wished the Marines had killed Rayleigh instead of Roger."

He breathed in sharply and exhaled slowly. "How old were you?"

"Six."

"What did Rayleigh do?"

"I honestly don't think he ever found out. She locked me in my room overnight and didn't let me out until it was time for me to head back to school for the week and I didn't see him when I left so I don't think he knew."

"Wait, she just left you there? Did she bring you a doctor?"

"Nope. I had to deal with the pain until I got to Marineford and a doctor there could help me. Hence the metal plate, my bones had healed enough overnight that they needed to be rebroken and reset or else they never would have healed right. It's funny but the Marines always were the ones who cared the most when I got hurt. It was after that injury that Dadd- my friend's dad pushed for all of the kids being taught in Marineford be paired up with Vice Admirals so they could live in Marineford somewhat permanently. Then I only had to go back to Sabaody a few weeks a year instead of every week."

He stared at me for a minute before he finally said, "Monkey D. Fucking Garp and a bunch of slavers were better caretakers than the man who taught me how to swing a sword. What the hell is this world coming too."

"It's fine Shanks. I'm just feeling a little dramatic right now, it's f-"

"No it's not fucking fine Ariadne! Rayleigh was your dad, he should have- I get what he was going through. Damn it, I was going through it too but I didn't turn around and beat my 5 year old daughter over it, I didn't allow my wife to break my child's bones. No one should ever treat a child like that, I don't give a shit how bad their lives are. That's no excuse to be abusive."

"They weren't abusive. They were just…"

"Abusive." He said before picking up another bottle from his side only to throw it off the cliff once he realized it was empty. "If nothing else I guess it proves that I was right to do everything I can not to turn out like them."

I smiled weakly as I said, "You're definitely a better father figure than Rayleigh was."

Shanks almost smiled at that as he said, "Ugh, I'm not old enough to be your father Ads. I'll be the fun older brother."

I laughed. "I've always wanted a brother."

"Well then to brothers" He said, raising another bottle in a toast. I clinked mine against his and took a drink but when Shanks went to do the same he found the bottle empty. "Why is the rum always gone?"

"Maybe because you drank it all Boss."

"Well shit. Guess we should head back to the others and find more."

"Aye aye, Captain." I said with a mock salute as we stood to make our way back to the cave.

The day after we set sail from Snowy island the crew gathered on the deck as we laid the flag of the Roger pirates to rest. It was a solemn affair as we all stood there in silence and watched the folded up flag filled with countless stories sink beneath the waves, and down to the bottom of the sea that would echo those stories for the rest of time.

As I watched I couldn't stop my mind from drifting back to my childhood and to my parents once again. To the stories my mother would tell me of the great Roger pirates and their countless adventures and to the excitement my tiny body could hardly contain at the mere thought of meeting my father for the first time. I was ecstatic when my mother told me that he would be coming home and spent every waking moment either at the shore or pressed against a window waiting to see him coming over the horizon. But reality is rarely as kind as the stories and instead of whatever childish fantasies I had thought up, I was greeted by a broken man determined to drown himself in a bottle and take anyone around him down with him.

I blinked back to the present when I heard the sounds of the crew starting to disperse throughout the ship, the flag now beyond sight. I turned to stare up at the flag tied to the mast, to stare up at my flag.

I should go ask him.

Instead of going down to scribble in my journal and try to make sense of my memories on my own, I turned towards the deck house and made my way to the door of Shanks' cabin.

I took a deep breath as I stood before the door then raised my hand and knocked. I heard some rustling and the creak of floorboards before the door slowly opened and Shanks appeared.

"Hey Ads, what's going on?" He asked with a smile that almost looked genuine.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about but I can come back later if you're busy?"

If you want time to yourself after putting your former crew's flag to rest.

But instead of turning me away he opened the door wider and moved back as he said, "Come in, sit, I've always got time for my crew."

"Thanks Boss." I said as I walked in and took a seat at the table.

"So what's going on?" He asked as he took his own seat.

"I've been wondering about this since we first met but it just never felt like the right time to ask. But do you remember when we first met? Back on that tiny island?"

His face darkened as he said, "Yeah I do remember that. What about it?"

I shrugged. "I was just curious as to what you guys were doing there. I mean I know it was an abandoned island so you were probably there for a party. Sorry it was a stupid question, sorry to bother you over nothing." I said quickly as I started to stand up.

But what Shanks said next made me freeze before sitting back down. He said, "We weren't there for a party at all. We were there to find you."

"What?" I asked as I felt my brow furrow.

How would he have- Why would he- What?

He stood up and walked over to the bookshelf along the far wall of the cabin. He picked one of the books off the shelf without pausing and carried it back to the table where he started flipping through it. He eventually stopped on a certain page and pulled out a small piece of paper wedged in it. Then he held it out for me to take.

"What is this?" I asked as I held the small square of blank paper in the palm of my hand.

"That." He said pointing at it. "Is your vivre card."

"My- wait… Why do you have-?"

How could he have this? I've never made a vivre card for myself, how would he-

He looked me in the eye and said. "Your brother gave it to me about 8 years ago. He asked me to keep an eye on you when he left the ship."

"I don't have a brother." I said quickly without thinking.

Shanks eyebrows furrowed as he said, "Yes you do."

"Who?"

"Mihawk."

I blinked at him dumbly as my mind struggled to process that before saying, "I-I'm sorry. Did you just say Mihawk? As in Dracule Mihawk? Hawkeye?"

"Do you know a different one?" He asked with a shrug.

"No, but there is no way that man is my brother! I think I would have heard about that at least once growing up and- yeah it was never mentioned."

"Well that isn't all that surprising I guess. Mihawk left Sabaody when you were really young, from what he told me anyways."

I shook my head as I tried to understand what was being said. "But even if that was true, why wouldn't my parents have mentioned him? Why am I just now finding out about this? Also, why would he bother giving you my vivre card? Where would he even get a piece of my vivre card? I've never had one made."

He shrugged again and said, "I have no idea about your parents but I can tell you that he made it himself and then gave it to me when he left the ship. He said something to the effect that he was worried about how growing up would be for you with Shakky and Rayleigh, which I have to say was definitely warranted. He didn't say much though, just that he knew you would have a rough time and that I should help you out if it ever looked like you were in true danger."

"But I've never even met him." I said as I stared at the paper.

It almost sounds like he was looking out for me, but why would he? What would have gained from-

He smiled and said, "Is it a bad thing to find out you have more people at your back than you thought you did?"

I smiled. "No." My smile faltered. "I just wish I had known about him."

"Mihawk's a good man. Quiet, serious, but fiercely loyal. Which is probably why he was still looking out for you even if he didn't know you."

I thought about that for a minute before another question came to mind. "Why did he leave the crew? I know he left after you guys got into a massive fight. But what was the argument about?"

Shanks laughed loudly as he said, "There wasn't an argument! When he joined me he said that he would only sail with me until he could beat me in a fight. It just took him a few years. But he might not sail with us anymore but he's still a member of the crew. I think he might still be my first mate, technically. Because Beckman is the quartermaster, so yeah I think Mihawk is still first mate."

"He's the first mate of the crew? Then why isn't he here? If he was that 'loyal' then why would he leave?"

"He wanted to focus on his swordsmanship and come on Ads we both know loyalty has nothing to do with whether or not you sail on a particular ship."

I felt my cheeks heat up at that as I instead said, "So then if there wasn't an argument and you still consider him a member of the crew then does that mean he left on good terms? Do you still talk to each other?"

"Of course he left on good terms. I mean, sure he likes to pretend like we aren't friends but we both know the truth. I go pester him for a drink every few years. But everyone besides Doc, Guy, and you were here before he left so they are all on good terms with him."

"Do you know where he lives? Can you find him?"

Shanks raised an eyebrow and smirked as he said, "Do you seriously think I can't find a member of my crew whenever I want? I have a vivre card for each of my people and could find any of you without them if I needed. Of course I know where Mihawk likes to brood and act like a scary vampire."

"Then could we possibly go see him? I'd like to talk to him."

Ask him why he did all this, find out what he is trying to gain.

Find out if he is going to be a problem for me and my crew.

"Sure kid, we'll go visit your big brother. Maybe this time I can get him to agree to a duel if you're there to pester him as well."

"Well I can certainly try for you Boss." I said with a smile.

So long as he isn't trying to play some game with my crew.

Warnings:

Discussion of past physical and emotional child abuse. Nothing sexual.

Throughout this chapter Addie talking to Shanks about how her parents were physically abusive throughout her childhood. If you want to skip this then start reading at the section that starts with "The day after we set sail from Snowy island"

Yay more backstory development! I've been waiting a long time to really dig into the how and why of Addie being both who she is and where she is and we're finally getting somewhere! I really waffled over wether or not to include Mihawk as Addie's brother (for literal years) but I decided that I've already destroyed canon beyond recognition so why not? Also I think there is decent chance that Mihawk is actually Rayleigh's kid in canon soooooooo... Also! Shanks and Buggy were like 1000% taken by the Roger pirates as babies, so yeah I'm just gonna leave that here XD. Anyways! I'm really excited for next chapter as we have another deep dive but with another character besides Ads :D

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to leave a comment, question, or critique!