Re-written 25-12-16

POV-Ahsoka Tano

I watched Anakin throwing clothes into a shoulder pack not caring how neat it was. I tried to reach out to him through the Force but I found that I could not. He had masked his signature so I couldn't. He got everything he needed and plonked it into the pack, zipping it up and dropping it next to my own.

It'll be nice to make a fresh start even if the Jedi don't trust me, I'll stay. I'd have no-where else to go otherwise, as much as it pains me, I needed to stay here in the temple and follow the teachings of the force. If not for me, then for Anakin and the younglings. I smiled recalling the crazy adventure we had embarked on, running into Hondo and escaping despite all odds. And now I was going to travel back to Illum for my own crystals.

"Are you all set, Soka?" he asked, giving me a sideways glance as he straightened up.

"Mhm!" I hummed.

He forced a smile, despite the clear emotion on his face. He looked like he was about to fall into a deep state of depression-filled sleep.

He grabbed mine and his pack and walked out of the room as he left me standing there, storming ahead. I couldn't reach him when he was like this. It had only ever happened one other time when he had been reprimanded by the council for overstepping orders, even if he did save an entire cruiser and squadron of fighters. I aimlessly walked out of our quarters, shutting down the primary power to our room as I left the dorm, locking it as I went out.

2 hours later.
I woke up moaning as I opened my eyes. I'd fallen asleep on Anakin as we laid down on the back of the ship, the same ship that belonged to Obi wan that got us stranded on Mortis for a day or two. Anakin looked down at me smiling as I laid peacefully on his chest, enjoying the sound of his heart beating steadily. I sighed and yawned quietly before I tilted my head up to stare up into his sky-blue eyes, slowly getting lost in them as I let my mind take over and block everything out except for Anakin. I was lost in the Sky of his eyes before I saw something quite odd, frowning slightly as he smiled at me and I smiled back before I went back to searching his eyes. There it was, a pain-filled emotion of sadness and anger. I carefully used the Force to pry open the emotion but I was suddenly blocked out as Anakin snappily put up his mental barriers.

He glared at me and glared back at him sympathetically.

"Anakin, what is it?" I pleaded but at the same time just wanted to sleep. I needed to be away from Coruscant and this slight detour from normal, or as normal as could be, life felt amazing.

"It's not something I'm willing to share, Soka,' he said looking away.

"I'm sure I can handle it," I said coldly, "it can't be as horrible as what I've been through recently…"

Tears tugged at my eyes as I slowly let go of emotions I'd been holding in for so long.

"Okay," Anakin sighed as I saw sadness well up in his eyes as he sat up and took my hands, staring into my eyes as I stared up at him, "Soka," he breathed, "I was...I'm married to Senator Amidala".

I stood up, turning my back to him, hugging myself as I bit my lip, closing my eyes. I felt tears wanting to cascade out of my eyes like a river but I swallowed hard hoping to suppress my emotions. My heart clenched, desperately needing to let a flame of fire burn through my soul to singe the Anakin my heart knew so well. I shook my head, hoping to rid those intense emotions that wanted to rip through my body.

"All this time, how- married?" I managed to blurt out.

I heard him shift from the sleeping bench and shuffle around behind me, cursing his own clumsiness as he scuffed his bare foot on the metal floor, making me crack a small cheeky smile.

"I'm so sorry, Ahsoka. I'm getting papers signed soon for it," he whispered, kissing my left lek, hugging me from behind.

"Don't Anakin. You know I love you," I spat, heavily placing my head back onto his left shoulder.

"I know you do, Ahsoka. You deserved to know," he whispered.

As much as I wanted to scream and shout at him, I just couldn't find the energy to. Numb consuming my body. I still saw a sphere of sadness, locked away from anyone and everyone.

"You're not telling me everything, are you?" I asked, my voice filled with concerned.

He shakes his head sadly, tearing his gaze from mine, un-weaving his arms from around me. I suddenly felt empty inside as Anakin walked away from me and into the cockpit, tugging his boots on in the process, as I followed him out, sitting in the co-pilots seat, spinning around so I was facing Anakin, reaching out and spinning his chair around as he had it in his stubborn mind to keep his back to me, ashamed in his own little world.

There he sat hugging himself, sobbing quietly, eyes squeezed impossibly tight. His shoulders shook violently with each cry, he let escape his lips. I unfolded his arms and took his right hand in mine, as he wiped his eyes with his left, looking away in the process before he placed his left on top of my hands that held his right; although it was fake it was still apart of Anakin. He sat there sniffling with his head still hung down in shame.

"Anakin," I pleaded, squeezing his hand. I felt empty, yet I still loved this man for all he was.

He slowly looked up at me, followed by his head tilting into its upright position.

"Tell me," I said calmly, "what's made you so upset, Skyguy?"

I cringed at the nickname. Flashes of Christophsis flew into my mind.

"Padmé's pregnant with a boy," he blurted out, almost too quiet to comprehend as his hands tighten around mine, "and I ran... I, me Anakin Skywalker RAN, from the chance to be a FATHER. ME of all people!" He shouted standing up enraged, releasing my hands. "I mean, how could I of all people, do that! I grew up without a father and I ran from it! It drove me to near insanity and it broke my mothers' heart each time I asked where dad was and I'm doing it to my own son!"

I sat in silence as I watched Anakin nervously. Angrily pacing back and forth, into the cockpit and out of the cockpit, again and again, he went. Each time he either had a look of a heart-wrenching, longing, unsure soul or a hidden, furious, burning fire like the cauterizing magma on Mustafar. I was slumped in a chair, completely bewildered in what to do with this new information. I was helpless to Anakin, all I could do was comfort him but I was sure how I was going to do it. I've said it a hundred times and I'll say it again,

"It's not going to be easy," I mumbled, "for myself or you".

Pulling myself to my feet, stretching and then straightening up, I dragged my boots over to the sliding door, just as Anakin paced back through them.

"Hey," I spoke clearly, just below a shout, stopping him in his tracks as he turned to look at me, "You're going to use up all the ships fuel before we reach Illum if you keeping pacing like this".

He smiled apologetically, walking over to me, tugging me into an embrace as he kissed my forehead.

"I know this isn't easy for you, Skyguy but we will make this work, one way or another".

Breaking away from the comfortable embrace I stepped back, glancing Anakin up and down.

"You look tired, you've been up longer than me, you should sleep until we come out of hyperspace, I'll join you soon, I have to check in with the temple." He nodded, trying to resist kissing me again but I best him to it and kissed his cheek quickly before sending him on his way to the back.

I made my way over to the pilot's seat and checked how long we had before we came out of hyperspace. Still another six hours. I clicked a few buttons and sent a coded message back to the temple before slipping in the back next to Anakin. My eyelids grew heavy as my body relaxed, muscles unwinding. Anakin's warmth was reassuring as I leaned into him, happily safe and sound listening to his steady breathing.