So sorry it's been so long since I have updated this story! I am back at writing all my stories and I intend on updating every week or so. I have big plans for this story so please keep reading!

I ride to the hospital with Olivia and she asks me if I want to go home to change my clothes. My mind is on what happened and it never even occurs to me that I'm literally covered in Casey's blood. I look down at myself and just shake my head. That can wait; there are more important things to deal with now.

I haven't said a word since Olivia nearly dragged me to her car. I was hysterical and couldn't form any coherent thoughts or words. I've just been sitting in the passenger seat of her car, shaking and wondering how this all happened. Someone came in with a gun…looking for me. Casey didn't sell me out. Quite the opposite; she took a bullet that was meant to be mine. Why? What reason did she have? We don't even like either other.

"You need to get checked out," Olivia says as we stop at a red light. I see her look in the rearview mirror at the car behind us. "We'll get you some security before we take you home until we can figure out what's going on. Nick and Amanda are behind us. But first you really need to get checked out."

"I'm not the one who got shot, Olivia," I snap at her. I close my eyes and lean my forehead against the cold damp window. But every time I close my eyes, all I see is Casey lying unconscious on the hallway floor, blood everywhere. I think I'll see that when I close my eyes forever. I can still hear the gunshots echoing in my head. I lean forward and take a couple deep breathes. I suddenly feel very sick.

"Alex, are you okay? Do you need me to pull over?" I hear Olivia ask. I just shake my head in response. "We'll figure out - "

I sit up quickly and unload on Olivia. "Please stop talking! I am so not in the mood! In case you can't tell, it's been a really, really bad day. I don't need to be checked out; I was not hurt. Casey is the one who was hurt - because of me. She might die - because of me. That man came in looking for me, and Casey saved my life while I hid in the conference room and allowed it to happen." I stop to shakily inhale. When I speak again, my voice breaks. "And I have to live with that. So please stop trying to make me feeling better, stop trying to make this about me, and get me to the damn hospital so I can find out if Casey is going to be okay."

Olivia takes a hint and we drive the rest of the distance in silence. When we arrive, Olivia pulls up to the curb and tells me to wait for Nick and Amanda, but I ignore her and jump out of the car. I'm not waiting for anyone. I literally run through the Emergency Room entrance, and as soon as I enter, the nurse at the desk takes one look at me and gasps. I see her pick up her phone but I just say, "Casey Novak - she was brought here by ambulance. I need to know if she's okay."

"Ma'am," the nurse says gently, looking me up and down again. She's shocked by all the blood on me and obviously thinks I've been hurt. She gets up and walks around the desk. "Please, you need to sit down. I'll get someone right away to help you, but I need to know what happened. Where are you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt. I need to know if Casey Novak is okay." I'm trying to remain as calm as I can given the situation, but my patience is wearing thin. Another nurse approaches and and reaches for my arm, but I literally rip it out of her grasp. "Damn it, someone tell me if Casey Novak is okay!" I'm becoming hysterical again, and the nurse who had joined us goes back behind the desk and picks up the phone. She eyes me as she's speaking and I demand again to know about Casey.

It's then that Nick and Amanda enter. It takes them seconds to spot me, and then both run up to the desk, flashing their badges. "She's with us," Nick explains quickly, placing his hand on my shoulder. "We need to inquire about our colleague who was just brought here, Casey Novak."

The nurse nods and quickly types it into her computer. So she can do this for Nick but she couldn't for me. I'm sure his calm and friendly demeanor has something to do with it. She looks up from the monitor and says, "It appears she is in surgery. We won't have any more information until surgery is completed, but you are welcome to wait." She looks at me once again. "If she would like a change of clothes, we do have a shower and some scrubs."

Nick nods. "That would be nice - thank you."

Amanda and Nick proceed to walk me over to a group of horribly uncomfortable looking cushioned chairs with an atrocious flower pattern adorning their tops. I'm still completely out of it, shaking and not in my right mind. I take a seat between them and lean forward, rocking myself back and forth. "She saved my life. She saved my life," is all I can say over and over.

"When you feel better you can tell us what happened. Olivia is calling Casey's parents, this is the best hospital in the area….there's nothing else you can do, Alex. I know what happened is hard," Amanda says.

"No you do not know, you were not there," I tell Amanda sternly. My eyes well up with tears. "She saved my life. I was so awful to her every day. And she saved my life."

I have never felt so bad in my entire life. I've been through a lot in my life; I've been a target more than once and I've had a lot to feel guilty about. But nothing can compare to this. This guilt will never go away.

Two hours later I'm sitting in the surgery waiting room, freshly showered and wearing ugly green hospital scrubs. I've had to put up with the hospital psychiatrist hovering around me, asking me how I'm "feeling" and trying to persuade me to talk to him. I let him know - not so elegantly - that I'm in no mood or condition to talk.

Olivia left the room for a bit, and when she returns, she doesn't look happy. Her face is a mixture of worry and stress, and she holds a folder in her hands. She sits next to me with a sigh. "No news yet, huh?"

I shake my head and keep my eyes forward. "No. Still in surgery."

"Her mother arrived. Nick and I just spoke to her. She's speaking to the doctor right now."

I finally force myself to make eye contact with Olivia, swallowing harshly. "How is she handling it? How about her father?"

"Casey's father died earlier this year," Olivia says quickly. I feel my stomach drop; I hadn't even known that. "Her mother is…considerably hysterical. She and Casey are very close."

I look away from her and try unsuccessfully to suppress a single tear from sliding down my cheek. I feel so hollowed out and destroyed. Because of me, Casey's mother may lose another person she loves in such a short time. Because her daughter was brave, and helped someone who did not deserve it.

Everything Casey had said about me was true. I'm a selfish, horrible excuse for a person who thinks only of myself and doesn't consider how my actions will affect others. I've never given it much thought. As long as I'm doing my job - as long as I'm winning - I'm always content. But never happy.

Casey always seems happy. Every time I would see her around the office, she was friendly and smiling and always had a kind word for everyone. I'm sure she had her moments like anyone else, but she was known to be a kind, hard working person. If I had ever seen past the resentment I harbored towards her, I may have seen just how similar we actually are. I may have seen that she was a human being, like me. A human being who deserved to be treated with respect and kindness; who did not deserve the treatment I gave her.

And I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to make it right.

"The shooter's name was Glen Williamson. He's only seventeen," Olivia tells me. She opens the folder and shows me his picture, but I can't look at it. His name sounds vaguely familiar. "His father and brother were convicted of sexually abusing his seven year old sister. You were the ADA who tried the case. Apparently, both were found guilty. Glen maintains they were both innocent. The case was - "

"I remember the case, I don't need a re-hashing," I say quietly. The trial was three months ago, and it was one of the hardest cases I've had in a very long time. Evidence was circumstantial but I was still able to get a conviction. I left the a courtroom a very proud woman, with another win to tack on my record.

Olivia is quiet for a moment, then says. "Well, we have him in custody. We are still trying to determine how he was able to get into the DA's office with a gun. You will have a security detail while the investigation is ongoing. We can't take any chances."

I look at Olivia and scoff. "You think I care about that right now? I don't care at all about what happens to me right now." For the first time, I actually mean that. "He came for me. It should be me in there being operated on - not Casey. I shouldn't have let this happen. As soon as I heard - " I have to stop talking. I'm getting choked up, and Alex Cabot can't have anyone see her cry. I will never forgive myself for what happened today, and no one else should either.

Suddenly the doors open, and a very tearful redhead who very much resembles Casey comes into the room. I know it's her mother without even being told; they look so much alike. Olivia jumps up to tend to her but I get out of my seat first. I feel sick to my stomach as I put my hand on her shoulder and introduce myself, "Mrs. Novak, I am so sorry about Casey. My name is Alex, I work with your daughter. Please sit down." I lead her over to an empty seat and I sit down next to her. Olivia leaves us alone. I feel so responsible that I want nothing more than to cry and tell Casey's mother that this is my fault, that she may lose her daughter today because of me. I want to own it, take responsibility for what happened. But I know she doesn't need to hear that now. She needs positivity right now.

She smiles at me despite her tears and reaches out to touch my shoulder. "Are you a friend of Casey's, dear?"

I don't know what to say, so I nod. "Yes ma'am."

"Were you there when it happened?"

I swallow the nausea rising in my throat and I start to shake. "Yes I was. I stayed with her until the ambulance arrived." My voice breaks and my eyes fill with tears. "I - I tried to help her."

She smiles again. "Oh honey, thank you."

She reaches out and takes my hand, and another tear slides down my cheek. For some reason I don't feel the need to be strong in front of her. I feel like it's okay to breakdown. I squeeze her hand and tightly and ask, "Is she okay? What did the doctor say?"

Mrs. Novak shakes her head. "It's very bad. She was shot in the chest and the stomach. The bullet that hit her chest fragmented and the doctor says she's bleeding internally…" She tears up and starts to sob, and I feel that pang of guilty hit me so hard that I feel like I was the one who was shot in the stomach. I wrap my arms around her and encourage her to go on. "She has some damage to her heart from the other bullet but they don't know how bad yet. Right now they are trying to stop her internal bleeding." She starts to cry once more before saying, " She has about a fifty-fifty chance."

I take a deep breath and look away from Casey's mother. I'm feeling every emotion possible right now and it's impossible to put into words how that feels. Here I am sitting in the waiting room with Casey's mother, who thinks I am a friend of Casey's and has no idea that I was the target, that her daughter is fighting for her life because of me. She has no idea that her daughter saved my life, that she's a hero. But I'm going to make sure she finds out.

"Casey is going to be all right," I tell her gently. She looks at me hopefully. "She is brave, and a fighter." I pick up her hand again. "And I'm going to do absolutely everything I can to help. You have my word on that." I have never meant anything more. "Now please tell me, what can I do right now to help?"

"Oh, Alex. I don't know how long this will go on. Casey has a dog; she would be so concerned about her dog, she would want to make sure he was taken care of. I cannot have dogs in my building; will you take her dog? Will you take care of him for Casey? She would want a friend to take care of him."

I hate dogs; I hate their dirtiness and their smell. But I don't hesitate a moment to say, "Yes. Of course I will. I'll take him for as long as I need to."

I'm about to say something else, when a doctor enters the waiting room. He has a very grim expression on his face as he says, "I'm looking for the family of Casey Novak?"

Alex has a lot to deal with. The guilt, the investigation, Casey's mom...everything. How do you think she will handle it? And what will the news on Casey be? You will also learn more about the shooter and that whole situation. Please keep reading, I promise it will be good. Leave me a review and let me know what you think.