Somehow I work up the courage to ask if I can see Casey. And before I know it I'm led down the stark and sterile hallway of the ICU. All too soon the nurse stops in front of a room and turns to me. "She may be asleep but you can go in."

She walks away and leaves me alone and I hesitate outside the door for several minutes before I am able to walk into the room. I can hear the steady beep of medical equipment and selfishly wonder if I'll be able to handle this.

Casey is asleep. Or maybe just really drugged up. Or perhaps both. I don't know what I expected to see, but she's much paler than normal and looks very weak laying in that bed hooked up to machines.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "Casey," is all I'm able to say and it comes out barely above a whisper.

But it's enough. Casey opens her eyes and blinks several times, attempting to focus. Then she says softly, "Alex."

The recognition comforts me. I don't know why; I knew there was nothing wrong with her brain, no reason for her not to know who I was. But I am still relieved when she calls me by name.

I can tell she's fighting sleep and trying desperately to keep her eyes open. "Casey, I - how do you feel?" My words come out jumbled and My voice is so laced with emotion that I barely recognize it as my own.

She closes her eyes then opens them again. Then she says softly, "Bad."

That's it - that one word breaks me.

I pull up a chair next to her bed and am barely able to hold back my tears. "Casey why, he came for me...why did you do that? Why did you take those bullets for me?"

Casey swallows harshly and it appears painfully. She lets out a long breath. "Alex please...I...can't talk. It - it hurts too much."

As much as I want to know why - as much as I need to know why - I know I can't push her. Not right now. She's in no condition and it's not right for me to expect her to be.

"Okay," I say quickly, placing my hand on her pale arm. "It's okay, just rest."

She falls back asleep and I sit there for what seems like hours though I know it's only been a few minutes. I let a few tears fall and quickly wipe them away with a tissue from a box nearby.

I know I should do more. But I've never been good in these situations. As much as I appreciate what Casey did for me, when it comes right down to it we aren't friends. I'm sure my presence is not comforting to her and she probably wouldn't appreciate waking up to me again. So I leave her room.

I have nowhere to go. I can't show my face back at the office right now. So I go home. For the first time in years Alex Cabot is home on a weekday before seven PM. I decide to take Casey's dog for a walk to clear my head.

Rayne trots up to me the minute I get in the apartment, her tags clinging together and wagging her curly tail. She's a cute dog; tan, white and black with stick up ears and a tail that curls up onto her back. Despite not liking dogs, I don't mind her company. I can tell she misses Casey but she's settling in just fine.

I grab the leash that Amanda dropped off for her. "Do you want to go for a walk, girl?"

That question warrants another tail wag and a head cock. I hook the leash on her and slip on a heavier jacket and head out the door.

We walk to a nearby park that I know has a fenced in off leash dog area. As we are walking, I find myself talking to Rayne. "Your Mom is going to be okay. One thing I know about her is that she is stubborn and a fighter."

Rayne continues to trot along happily, stopping to admire the smell of a nearby fire hydrant.

"You know, Rayne - they say dogs are a good judge of character." I crouch down so I'm level with Rayne and touch her head. "Am I a bad person? Am I as horrible as I think I am?"

She wags her tail and appears to smile in response. I smile and stand back up, patting her head. "Thank you. You're probably the only one in New York who likes me."

I've been sitting on the bench in the dog park for about an hour when my phone alerts me to a text message. I pull my phone out of my pocket.

It's a message from Olivia telling me that I need to get back to the hospital as quickly as possible.

2.

"She needs a heart transplant."

I hear the words that the cardiologist says but I don't process them. A heart transplant? That is serious...beyond serious.

Casey just got out of her second surgery and it didn't go as the cardiologist team had hoped.

I'm sitting in the hospital conference room with the head cardiologist, the hospital administrator and Olivia. Olivia doesn't need to be here but I know it's for moral support even though I won't admit that I need it.

"That's necessary?" I ask incredulously.

The cardiologist gets up and turns on the x-ray display hanging on the wall. An image of a heart is hanging there and he takes a marker and circles a large section of it. "We are considerably beyond corrective surgery here. There are several defects from the bullet but this is the worst region. The muscle tissue is weakening more and more everyday and her heart is working too hard at an irregular rate. We were able to put in a pacemaker to buy us some more time but it's a temporary fix only. We cannot repair her heart; the damage is too great. She needs a heart transplant or she will die."

Before I can even respond, the administrator picks up a paper and looks at it. "Before we can get Casey's name on the registry, we need to discuss her insurance. Unfortunately this procedure would not be covered. Her otherwise health and blood type would put her near the top of the list but we would have to receive a down payment from the insurance company. Unfortunately that's not an option here."

I glare at him. If looks could kill he would be dead right where he sits. "Casey is dying and all you can talk about is money?"

He doesn't appear apologetic in the least. "It costs money to provide care."

"I will pay for it out of pocket. Tell me what it costs and I'll pay for it today," I tell him. "Just get her on the donor list."

I left no room for argument and silence befalls the room.

"Whatever you have to do to get her to the top," I say, holding his eyes again. "Whoever you have to pay, whomever you have to kiss up to...Do it."

Arrangements are made to get her on the list and as I step out into the hall with Olivia, she looks at me. "Alex, this isn't fair to you."

I give her a sideways look as we're walking. "What isn't?"

"You shouldn't have to handle all this. You've been through a lot too."

"Maybe but not nearly as much as Casey has. Someone has to make sure she's taken care of. I am going back to work tomorrow. Her brother is coming, right? He can stay with her in the hospital and make arrangements for their mom?"

Olivia suddenly breaks stride and places her hand on my arm. "Alex...he's not going to be much help. Yes he's going to make arrangements for their mom but he can't take care of Casey."

I frown at her. "But why? She's going to need to stay with someone when she gets out of the hospital. I just assumed he was going to take her."

Olivia sighs. "Look it's not my place to get into this whole thing, okay? But he shouldn't be around Casey. It will only make things worse."

I have no idea what she's talking about but my mind is making up its own theories. Without even thinking it through I blurt out, "well then she can stay with me."

Olivia looks at me as if she doesn't recognize me but nods in agreement.

"I want to check on Casey and then I have to stop by the office," I tell her, wanting a subject change as quickly as possible.

What have I gotten myself into?

3.

We don't have to wait long to be told that Casey is awake from her procedure and in recovery.

"One if you can go in and see her, but there's something I must tell you," the doctor tells us. Olivia and I exchange nervous glances. "She was out of it when she was told about her mother's passing. She has asked to see her mother. We thought it may be easier for her to hear what happened from someone she knows"