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Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel. I own Addison Carter.

RATED M

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Bedford, state of New York, May 2014

In front of me was your typical house found in the north of the US. There was a cobblestone path leading to the front door. There were three steps in gray stone before the door. A third of the walls outside was in gray stones as well, and the two other thirds were a dark brown siding. Tall windows, two floors, a garage.

It was your typical suburb house. It was in Katonah, in Bedford, an hour from Manhattan and twenty minutes from the Institute.

I shot James a look. He seemed frozen in disbelief.

"You're rich," he stated, turning his blue eyes to me.

"In a way I guess. My godfather is a billionaire and he sucked at parenting, but I never had anything to complain about on the materialistic side."

Tony had always put too much money on my bank account, and even now he could not access it anymore he kept sending me money I didn't need.

Buying a house here was nothing complicated.

"Two bedrooms, a bathroom with toilets, a separated toilet on the first floor, kitchen, living-room, basement," I listed as I went to the door, James behind me. "The best part is that it's already furnished." I immediately opened the blinds. My new roommate was taking in his surroundings.

"It's more welcoming than HYDRA." I chuckled.

"I sure hope so." I turned on the electricity. He sat down in the couch.

"The US government is after me as well." I scoffed.

"I'll gladly greet these fuckers myself if they come." He raised a brow at the bitterness in my voice. "They never got me."

"You?" he repeated, almost mockingly. I shot him a cold glare.

"You spent seventy years abroad but I broke into the Pentagon at seventeen." He widened his eyes in disbelief and I smirked smugly at him. "I'm not as weak as I may seem. I'm going to buy some groceries, just...look around and pick a room."

I was back an hour later. I put the food away and went to the second floor.

"Hey James...shit sorry!" I almost yelled when I noticed he was shirtless. He didn't seem to care, just wondering what I wanted. "So it's your room?" He nodded wordlessly.

"Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to know if you had clothes and stuff like that."

"Logan gave me a few things."

It seemed like they got along. Logan had fought several wars and met James and Steve once on the battlefield. Knowing he was experimented on through Weapon X and had had amnesia as well, I guess in a way they had quite a lot in common.

We all had shitty life in the end I guess.

"And I was given this as well." He showed me a black watch. However, it did not indicate the time.

"They gave you an image-inducer?" I asked him, recognizing what Kurt would sometimes use to go in town looking like a non-mutant. "Well, you are fugitive after all and if I get something from the Avengers they might notice something. Can you get the rest of the things out of the car?" He nodded, put on a long-sleeved shirt and went. I shot his window a look. The blinds were shut, no light peaking through.

I had a feeling it would be like this a lot. Well, whatever made him feel safe.

After putting the toiletries in the bathroom, I slouched in the chair of the dining table. James sat down in front of me.

"Alright, you're free from HYDRA but I doubt that in-between missions they...taught you anything related to today society. We'll...get you used to the twenty-first century. Spoiler alert: it sucks."

"What's a 'spoiler alert'?" I groaned internally and threw my head back.

"Damn there's a lot of work." I took a deep breath. "We'll cover history and cultural things so that you're not entirely clueless if you ever engage in a conversation with someone." He nodded. "As for your memories...I know a lot of things so maybe I have some answers but other than that I know that basically anything can trigger your memories." I looked down at the table. "But I guess anything can trigger the Soldier as well." I stood up and grabbed food in the freezer. "Anyway, I'll make dinner. Watch the TV or something."

I would glance at him above my shoulder. He was inspecting the remote and zapping. The sound would sometimes be turned off and he jumped at the loud music when he landed on a music channel.

Okay, maybe it was a little bit funny to watch.

Twenty minutes later, it was ready. It was just some chicken breast with veggies but I was not a renowned chef.

"I'm so sending you grocery shopping once you're ready," I trailed off, watching the food disappearing from his plate in a matter of seconds. He swallowed what he had in his mouth.

"Thank you." I raised a brow. "For...what you're doing for me. Thank you." I shrugged. A part of me still wanted him far away because he killed my parents.

I swallowed the anger before it could come out.

"I'm not sure if I'm worth it." I scoffed.

"You're probably not." He stared at me. "But I wasn't either yet here I am so..." I pointed my fork at him. "You're allowed to think you're not worth any kind of help, but you better be thankful and not wallow in self-pity or I'll get mad. What's done is done, nothing can change that." I gulped and took a sip of my water.

He looked slightly hurt but it was how it was.

"I know," he whispered weakly.

"If it's clear between us, then cheers roomie," I told him, raising my glass of water to him. After a few second of doubt, he cheered with me. "That's going to be a bumpy ride."

I closed my laptop. I had sent files to a private server. Anything with my dad's name was there.

I tried to understand but it just seemed like a big enigma. 'Where it all began for us'? Like what begun and which 'us' Dad? I wasn't even sure if it was truly what he meant but there were references of cartoons I watched as kid, making me wonder if HYDRA thought my dad was just crazy in the end.

However, now things had calmed down, I could read through the information I had with a clear mind. The other group Aksel worked for...they were around. There were coordinates I'd follow later o…

I jumped on my feet when I heard a scream. It was coming from James' room. I burst into his room and turn on the lights. He was struggling in his sleep. I immobilized him from where I was standing, aware that one hit from him would hurt. I was pretty sure it was or a very bad nightmare, or a night terror but in any case, waking him up would be bad.

Eventually, after a few minutes, he calmed down and I released him. He woke up with a start and was panting, looking around him in panic.

"James?" He didn't seem to hear me. "James, it's me, Addison, can I come closer?" He finally shot me a look and I took that for a yes.

I slowly made my way to him and knelt on the floor next to his bed. I gently took his human hand in mine.

"James, I want you to focus on my voice, okay? Focus on it and took a deep breath." He squeezed my hand first, tight enough for me to clench my jaw at the discomfort, but he did. "I want you to tell me five things you can see. Can you do this for me?" He gulped loudly.

"You," he started in a quivering voice. "The window. The...blinds, the wall...the ceiling."

"Good, that's good. Now tell me four things you can touch." He squeezed my hand.

"Your hand, the sheets..." He paused to take a deep breath. "The pillow, the mattress."

"Three things you can hear." He pursed his lips.

"The wind in the trees outside. A cat meowing. An animal walking on the grass outside." Damn, super soldier hearing was not to be underestimated.

"Two things you can smell."

"The stuffy odor of the room." He raised his sheet to his nose. "Detergent."

"One thing you can taste."

"Gross ice-cream." I rolled my eyes. He looked around, running his tongue on his lips. "Did I wake you up?"

"I wasn't sleeping." He still seemed disturbed. "What was is it about?" His eyes were filled with guilt and horror. "You don't have to tell me."

"They come back in flash at night," he whispered quietly. "The faces...the killings…the screams, the blood, everything and..." He was almost hyperventilating. I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me.

"Hey, look at me James." He tried to evade my eyes but I didn't budge. "I...I don't know what to say except that it will happen again, probably several times but you don't have to go through it alone. If you do, you may try to..." I trailed off, realizing something. "I get it now..."

"Get what?"

"Why Professor Xavier said we were more alike than I thought. It's clear now." I let go of his face and stood up, giving him the shirt there was on the back of the chair. "Put it on and follow me."

We were sitting on the steps leading to the backyard a few seconds later. It was surrounded by high wooden fences. There was a big tree almost at the middle of it.

James was on my right, a step above mine.

"Are you ready to listen to a depressing story?"

"My story's depressing already, go ahead," he replied.

"Well you've been warned." I looked at the stars in the sky. "I lost my parents when I was young, so my paternal grandparents raised me. I never knew my maternal grandparents. When I was eleven, I developed telekinesis, so I joined the Institute. It was fine honestly. I...never felt judged for having powers whereas with the only relatives I still have today, I was considered as a monster." I wry smirk appeared on my face. "I'm probably still considered as such."

"You're not." I looked at him above my shoulder. He tried to give me a comforting smile, but it looked tensed.

"Thanks. You won't judge me right?"

"I don't think I can judge you." I smiled faintly and looked in front of me.

"In 2003, the Institute was raided. Many of us escaped but...I was among the taken ones. We were taken to a dam at Alkali Lake in Canada. The guy was from the military and wanted to...use something to kill all mutants in the world and he kept us, a bunch of children, around to see if that would work. Of course the teachers saved us but...at some point, I remember being away from them who were fighting. A guy came toward me and...I grabbed the gun another soldier dropped and shot him in the chest. I dropped it in shock and Logan carried me to the Black Bird. Of course after that my grandparents were crazy worried but I was defending myself. I refused to see a therapist. I always refused to see a shrink. A few months later my grandfather passed away from a heart attack. When I was sixteen, my grandma passed away as well." I took a deep breath.

Damn, I never said any of this out loud.

"My relatives didn't want anything to do with me, so my godfather became my guardian. However, he was emotionally absent. I also just developed telepathy and couldn't turn it off, so I was hearing everything. I...was very alone, and that Aksel arrived at the Institute. He saw I wasn't okay and said just the right things to use me. I...I kept isolating myself and suddenly I had this older figure in my life telling me he understood me. The way my human relatives treated me made it easy for him to convince me we were better than humans and I turned into a pro-mutant extremist. A terrorist. I killed people, and when Aksel decided to leave that group, I followed him. There were three of us. We killed...people. At some point, Aksel decided to break into the Pentagon and steal some confidential information. I followed but then I realized it was...not the right way to do things. I sent them in a direction I knew there were people waiting for them. Aksel didn't see it coming and I ran away, hiding the information right in front of a camera."

James was silent behind me, but I could feel his gaze on me.

"After that I wandered around. I made it to Charleston in South Carolina, cutting off the connection Professor Xavier had with me so that nobody could find me. To this day I still don't know how I did that." I pursed my lips. "I didn't want that though. Everything I did, every...person I killed, it gave me nightmares and I'd wake up drenched in sweat and sobbing hysterically because of the guilt and the orphans I created. Then, I was captured."

"Captured?" he asked quietly. I nodded.

"I was sleep-deprived and they sedated me. For a few months I was in an underground fight club, only mutants were fighting in a cage while humans placed bet and screamed at us to do better. It lasted for a few months, not knowing where I was until the Special Forces arrived. The thing was...they were here to erase any proof we existed and shot at everything and everyone so that the country was still presented as open-minded toward mutants. I managed to run away but was stopped in a back alley. I was shot in the thigh and I fell, crawling away to survive, but the guy kept getting closer. Eventually, I gave up and turned around, sobbing and ready to die. The guy...he saw I was a kid and told his superior I was dead while staring at me dead in the eyes. He took me in a hotel room and took care of my wound, gave me food. It was a wake up call for him as well because he quit shortly after."

Wade told me he thought he was doing something good when he was in the Special Forces but that in the end, he ended up playing for the wrong team if said team thought killing people, sometimes children, treated as animals was a good thing.

"At this point I was...not okay. Mentally speaking. A lot had happened in a year and a half, I had done a lot of things and eventually...I thought that jumping from the hotel roof would be a good idea." I hugged myself, hoping to warm me up. "Wade came in time. The guy...he's not good at speeches or this kind of stuff. He just said that I could do a lot of things with my powers but killing myself because of my guilt was a cowardly move. Not only was I too much of a coward to handle the consequences of my actions, but I was also spitting on the people I had killed and claimed to feel guilty about. He told me that as long as I felt guilty, it meant I could still do the right thing. It convinced me not to jump. After that, we paid a visit to his old team who had taken a few mutants to...experiment on. I didn't kill anyone per say that day, but Wade did. After that I stayed with him a little in Jacksonville and at some point, Nick Fury found me and tried to recruit me. At the same time, I discovered my godfather went missing in Afghanistan."

I licked my lips.

"A couple of years later, I was in college and...there was that boy who was nice to me and I liked him. At some party I saw him leaving and followed him, hoping to talk to him but instead, I saw people kidnapping other people. The boy kept me from intervening and I discovered he was a SHIELD agent and that I had just seen mutants being kidnapped. I later discovered they were Neo-HYDRA but...I realize now they were probably just HYDRA. I...wanted to help them. I wanted to redeem myself for my past actions, I wanted that too much actually. They...had a serum that blocked mutant powers for a while. I was hit by it but still wanted to help them. The agent came with me, even if he kept saying it was a bad idea. Wade was there as well. We...released the mutants but the SHIELD had been called. The agent...I was defenseless and he took a bullet for me. He stayed conscious until we exited the facility but then he...died from his wound. I was taken to Washington and Fury told me I'd stay out of SHIELD's radar until Aksel was found and I dealt with him. I took the deal and once I was in front of Aksel, I knew it was what I needed."

I looked at James, who was still staring at me.

"What I mean is that it took me a while to...be able to fully accept what I had done and everything it created after that. Aksel took advantage of my state but I still did those things. Now I accepted it, I can move on, fight for what I believe in without thinking killing people is the right solution to the mutant-tolerance issue. I know that they brainwashed you but ultimately...to most people those assassinations are on you. Nothing will erase that. Accepting that and...and then proving it's not the person you actually are are the things that will...help you ultimately I guess. The Professor...he saw that process happening with me for five years and thought I could help you with that."

I smiled a little.

"He once told me that 'Just because someone stumbles and loses their way, it doesn't mean they're lost forever. Sometimes we need a little help.' Wade had been the little help I needed to get back on track and having that mission about Aksel was the final push that turned that chapter of my life. Maybe...maybe Professor Xavier thought I could be that little help for you, because someone forced you out of your way."

"By telling me I should feel guilty?"

"By acknowledging you entirely," I refuted calmly. "I think that if people around me had acknowledged my actions and what led me to them, if they had treated adequately, maybe I would have been better sooner. Maybe I wouldn't have felt like I was the most misunderstood person on the planet." I climbed on his step and grabbed his shoulders. "I'm officially your first friend in the twenty-first century. The world sucks and is still unfair, is still full of conflicts, but it's the only world we have and I'll do what I can in order for you to get to live the life you should have lived decades ago." He took my hands.

I thought he would drop them but instead he squeezed them tightly, staring straight into my eyes. He didn't say a word, but the gesture was enough for me to know he was grateful.

"Thank you Addison," he thanked me. I grinned at him.

"You're welcome. Nobody should be alone, especially when they don't even know who they are." I inched closer to him and awkwardly hugged him. He stayed still for very, very long seconds. "I know it's weird, we don't know each other that much yet but hugs help improve mental health in a lot of ways. I told you my life story so I need it as well." Hesitantly, he hugged me back. His arms were slack around me.

I didn't know if it was because he was embarrassed or because he was scared of accidentally hurting me.

"I'm giving you a hug a day," I whispered playfully in his ear. I could almost see him rolling his eyes.

"If you can catch me."

"Is that a challenge Barnes?"

"Just stating facts Carter." I pinched his ribs.

"You're going down." He actually laughed. It was soft, barely audible, but it was a laugh.

It was a good start.

Home, July 2014

He punched me in the face and I fell on the floor of the basement, holding my nose. I had landed a few blows on him but…

"You don't have a lot of pain resistance," James commented, grabbing my hand to pull me on my feet. He didn't even use his metal hand to hit me.

"I usually don't get hit. I..." I moved my hand around. "You know, send people in walls and send things at them." He didn't look impressed at all.

"Then why did you want me to train with you?"

"Because Steve's adamant on me not relying on my powers and Natasha backed him up. Actually, they all did." He pursed his lips. "What?"

"You're...in the Avengers and they're...superheroes right?" I nodded. "You'll go on dangerous missions then?" I shrugged.

"Yeah, but so far I wasn't contacted so they didn't need me. You'll be fine on your own?"

"Sure," he replied hastily, his mind somewhere else. "It's just that you're going against HYDRA, aren't you?" I opened my mouth but he shook his head. "No, the less I know the better it will be in the worst case scenario."

"True." I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen. "Ha, maybe it's work." I ran up the stairs.

"You're going to fall!" I heard James shouting behind me.

"I'm fi..." I tripped on a step. "Never mind!"

I missed the call but seeing it was Tony, I called him back. He picked up immediately.

"Hey, is there news?"

"You bought a house and didn't tell me about it?" he replied sternly.

"Oh huh, yeah I did."

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have had a housewarming party or something and..."

"I don't want the team to...know about it. It's like a safe place away from the superhero life style."

"I understand for the team, but me?" I pursed my lips. "I mean, even Pepper doesn't know where you live."

"Does she know you're calling me for that?"

"No, she said you probably had a reason but..."

"Then you should have listened to her. Look, I wanted a place close to the Institute so that I could combine these two aspects of my life." James came out of the basement. I had given him my college notes. I never thought I'd use my degree, because yeah I graduated shortly before I went to Washington, that way. "It's just...I'd like to keep that to myself."

"I'm not hurt at all." I almost sighed. "I mean it's not as if it was with the money I gave you that you could buy a house at twenty-four without working a day in your life!"

"Tony..."

"I thought we were fine now but I guess I was wrong if..."

"My roommate doesn't like you!" James turned a confused look at me. I waved him off. "It's just...not everyone likes you and...she just happens to not like you."

"You have a roommate?"

"Yeah, a friend from the Institute who...has a power that does not allow her close to people. Add to that the fact she does not like yo..."

"Yeah I understood that part." He sighed. "But come on!"

"No, and don't look for my address either. I'll tell you when the time is right." He grumbled something I didn't understand. "Promise?"

"Yeah fine, whatever." He hung up on me. I sighed loudly, throwing my head back.

I walked around the table to see what James was looking at on the laptop. He understood quickly how it worked, like the TV and most technological stuff, but...he was slow, using one finger to write things.

After two months of living together, we were now used to each other. He had nightmares often and I'd stay with him until he was calmed enough to do whatever he felt like doing. He was remembering snippets of his life as Bucky as well.

Anyway, he was watching the wonders of Youtube.

"I'd like to make it clear that there are things today even I don't understand," I told him when I noticed it was one of those stupid videos you'd end up on at three in the morning. "I'm not taking responsibilities for my peers' stupidity." He smirked.

I looked at his hair. It was long, reaching his shoulders.

"You need a haircut." He touched a lock of brown hair. "Right now it's too much… 'I'm on the run' look."

"I'm on the run."

"I know but..."

"Do you know how to cut hair?"

"Youtube does." One quick search later, there was a selection of tutorials. "Can I?"

"...I'm choosing the video."

"Go ahead, but you're not getting dreadlocks."

"Dreadlocks?"

"Just pick a video."

Needless to say, I liked the short hair with a side part better.

James was handsome and the boyish charm was there, no doubt about it.

Thank you all for reading! Don't hesitate to leave a review! Thank you AshleyMarieD for the review!

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