Thank you :) I think that it is probably the strongest chapter since they broke out of the facility lol.

"The next chakra is the water chakra."

"Wonderful, I just love waterbending." Azula grumbles.

"I think that you'd make a good waterbender, it's all graceful and agile." He notes. "I think that it would come naturally to you. When Pathik and I were doing this he told me that all of the elements were connected. They're four parts of one whole and that's why, to balance your chakras, you need to work with all four elements."

"I suppose that, that makes sense." Azula agrees. She takes a deep breath. "So what mental anguish are you going to inflict upon me next."

"Guilt."

Azula inhales sharply, she supposes that he has plenty of ammo.

"The water chakra deals with pleasure and is blocked by guilt. I think that you can guess where this one is located."

Azula nods, "I am plenty aware, yes. Let's just get this guilt tripping over with."

Aang shakes his head. "This isn't something I goad you into feeling. You tell me...or tell yourself what you blame yourself for and what you regret doing."

There are a great many things that come to mind, things that she would rather not think of at all. Things that she hadn't realized that she felt remorse for until her mind began to wander. And, Agni do they extend far back. So many little things; shoving TyLee over as children, a collection of petty antics done for the sake of making her mother hate her more, most everything surrounding Zuko. Albeit, it was much better to have beat Zuko down than to have let father beat her down. And yet all of these things have come back for her. She thinks of the little things that had led up to Mai and TyLee stabbing her in the back. All of the profound things, the games and manipulatives.

It hurts. She doesn't want them to hate her and yet she can't see it anyother way.

She sees the scar on Aang's back, the one that matches Zuko's. She is a killer, she supposes. And the boy she killed has been going out of his way to help her. She doesn't understand and she isn't sure that she wants to.

More than anything she resents herself for letting father toy with her so heavily. Agni, she thinks that she always knew that he was. But, spirits, she wanted him to love her. She needed him to. So she let it all go. She let him shape her into a monster. She did this to herself, she did all of this to herself.

Her mind is fractured.

She is alone.

She is shamed and undignified.

And it is her fault.

.oOo.

Her eyes are so downcast. She is staring at her palms but he is sure that she isn't actually seeing them. He thinks that he should reach out and tell her that, that is good enough, that she can stop now. But he is certain that it doesn't work that way. Not if they want to do this right.

Instead he waits for her stare to grow less distant.

All last she looks up, somehow more drained than before. He wonders if this was a good idea.

"When I spoke to Guru Pathik, he told me that I had to forgive myself if I wanted to do anything good for the world. He said that I had to accept that all of the things I thought of happened and that I needed to let them go." And how delightful it felt when he did.

"Accept it?" Azula asks, her voice low.

He nods.

"I killed you."

"But I'm still here." It feel strange to downplay it, but there will be a time when he discusses that with her. And it might be easier if he allows her to process it and come to terms with it for herself at first. "You were part of a war just like me and Katara and everyone else."

She opens her mouth and then closes it again. He is curious but he doesn't push her. Not until it becomes plenty clear that she is struggling to let any of it go. "I'm not happy with everything I did in the war. I killed people too...I think...when I went into the Avatar state." He shudders. "And if I didn't, I hurt them badly enough that they can't fully recover. You're not unforgivable."

She shifts and rubs her fingers over the cloth of her pants. "Then why doesn't anyone forgive me?"

"You haven't exactly asked for it."

She stares off into the distance.

"I forgive you." He smiles. "We're still going to have to talk about it, but I forgive you." He hopes that, that makes it at least a little easier for her. "It'll be so much easier for other people to forgive you if you can forgive yourself." He might be rambling now, but maybe something will resonate with her. "Don't you think that it will be easier for you to make friends and heal if you realize that you're not a bad person so you can stop acting like one?"

"I'm not?"

"You're not." I insists. "I know it. I know that you don't like it but, after working with your spirit energy, I can tell. Your dad's spirit energy was terrifying and it was really, really dark. Yours wasn't like that…"

She swallows again. "It wasn't?"

"No. It wasn't."

.oOo.

Aang ventures to the ship's kitchen and comes back with a cup of what she can only assume is a noxious combination of onion and banana juice. Fleetingly, the thought of stomaching that is more horrifying than whatever chakra the will be working with next.

She takes the cup in her hands and stares ambivalently into it. "Is this going to make me throw up?"

"It's actually not as bad as it sounds." Aang promises. She can tell that he is lying, she knows that if she asks him to have a glass as well that he will flinch away. "Okay, so I don't like it at all, but it's Pathik's favorite drink."

She takes only a little sip first. "What is this supposed to achieve?"

"Pathik says that it helps him cleans his chakras."

She shoots him a skeptical look.

"And I thought that you could use a little break." He pauses, "are you feeling a little better now?"

She supposes that she is. It is plenty reassuring to know that at least one person-two, if she counts herself-has forgiven her. Doubly so, hearing that her spirit energy didn't radiate some deeply rooted vileness.

"We're going to be working with the fire chakra next." Aang says. As soon as the smile appears on her lips he adds, "speaking from experience, working with your choice element's chakra is one of the hardest." She can see it in his eyes that he thinks that the same will be said for her. "The fire chakra deals with willpower and shame blocks it off."

Her stomach does a little flop, only briefly before it occurs to her that she has been ruminating on her shame well before this. "I don't think that this one will be any trouble at all, Avatar."

All of the indignities that have come with losing control of her own mind-first during the agni kai and then to the hands of Sangyul. All of the indignities that have come from failing to beat Zuko. Zuko who wasn't never the best firebender. Zuko who was a disgrace in her father's eyes. What does that make her? She thinks of the indignities of having cried in front of them. She thinks of the indignity of letting Sangyul reap so much of her agency from her, of the gash she'd cut into her face. Mostly her cheeks burn at the thought of gushing over and pining for Aang. Of the night when he had pulled all of the wrong strings and she found herself trailing her finger over his chest until he shoved her away and made his retreat.

Thank the spirits that he had…

She had things on her mind that night. Things that bring color to her cheeks even without having acted upon them.

Her whole life has amounted to nothing but shame. Shame and humiliation. Foolishness and uselessness. The sheer wasted potential in itself is something to be ashamed of.

Oh it is no trouble.

It is no trouble at all.

The shame has been running in circles in her mind for the longest time now. And maybe that is partly why it was so easy for he and Sangyul to slip in and put thoughts into her mind.

"The hard part isn't listing the reasons to be ashamed." Aang shakes his head. "It's accepting these aspects of your life."

Aspects. She thinks that they have become a little more than aspects. And she supposes that he is right, it is significantly harder. Impossible in fact. She would much rather reject them, pretend like they didn't happen. And yet she can't. "I am aware that they are a part of my life. Plenty aware. Let's move on."

Aang sighs. "There's accepting them and then there's accepting them. You've stopped denying that whatever happened, happened. You accepted that those things did happen. But you haven't accepted that it's okay…"

"Because it isn't!" She snaps. She feels rather ill. "I let him do that to me…" she isn't sure if she is speaking of father or Sangyul or of both of them as one entity. "I…I could have been so much. I..." she trails off. In her distress she has already babbled too much.

Aang nods. "Part of accepting that is realizing that, those things don't define you." He cups his hand over hers, a soothing gesture-she recognizes-nothing more and nothing less. "That they aren't the most important parts of you. There are so many other things that outshine them."

"Like what?" Azula inquires. What is left of her dignity? What is left of the version of her that she actually had respect for?

"Like your intelligence."

Perhaps she gives him a skeptical look because he continues. "I think that I would have made a lot more progress on tampering with your spirit energy if you were simple-minded. And if you weren't so strong."

There is strength in intelligence and intelligence in strength, she supposes. But she isn't entirely convinced that she has either.

"It takes a lot of strength and resilience and courage to even start doing something like this. Trust me, I know that unblocking chakras is difficult. I suggested it because I figured that you could handle it."

She supposes that he has a point.

"If you want to fix the things that you are ashamed of, you have to embrace that they happened." He reiterates.

And another fair point. Truly she does want to move on from these things. She supposes that she doesn't have to share them with anyone else, that no one else has to know about this moment-this series of moments of weakness.

She supposes that it is much better to face them than to run from them. She is a lot of things but she isn't a coward. She isn't weak. She, despite it all, has more dignity than that, more pride than that.

It would be nice to hold her head high again, if only to spite everyone and everything that has tried to make her feel foolish and inadequate.

She closes her eyes and bunches her fists. But to accept shame is to accept imperfection. Admittedly, she has shed perfection long ago. Admittedly, it almost feels comforting; at least there are no more expectations of her. At least hope and potential have all been wasted to the point where she doesn't have to worry about upholding them.

She thinks of how much more significant success would be, how much more satisfying, if she manages to achieve it without it being handed to her. How much more glorious glory would be if it were something she earned for herself in the face of adversary. So she can say soundly that she has done it on her own. That it is a product of skill and talent rather than luck and natural born privilege.

There is a depth in shame. A paradoxical pride in shame. In facing it and making something of it.

She inhales deeply, "alright, Avatar, which chakra is next?"