A Sealed Fate

by Spazztic Revenge

(Old/Unfinished Version) She was his guardian and he was her charge. They had beaten their fate and she had kept him safe. But when she awakens from years of blissful sleep into the birth of a new war, can she still protect him? Can she still keep her promise? They found strength in each other before, can they find that strength again?

14. Emotion

A/N: Now this chapter was a monster to write. First, it is over seventeen thousand words. My longest chapter yet. Despite its length, writing this didn't take me much time at all and... it was done five days ago. However when I went back in to edit it and copy it to my flash drive, the file was CORRUPTED. After hours of trying to repair it, I ended up having to scrap it and rewrite about seventy-five percent of the whole chapter. As much as I despised and detested the fact that I had to go back in and try to remember every single word I wrote, I think it actually turned out much better the second time around. Anyway, I am exhausted now.

Reviewers-

Guest- Yes, they are both finally realizing their feelings for each other and yes, Hope was an idiot in turning Lightning down. He should have let her stay with him. The cuddling would have been cute.

Kakashi98- I did like writing the part of Hope thinking about not being able to lose Light. It was an unplanned piece that kind of just wrote itself. And trust me, the fluffy feels aren't going anywhere and there are plenty more incoming.

0erbayunFang- An interesting thought you have there about Castea. We'll just have to wait and see ;)

I'm very happy to finally have this chapter done and I can't wait to hear what you think about it. If you want a little spoiler... let's just say I've put you guys through a long enough wait. Let's see if you're rewarded or disappointed... Hope you enjoy and review :)

Revised: August 2015

---

She was watching him now. Intensely watching him, wholeheartedly. The way he worked truly amazed her. He was so determined, so focused, like everything around him blurred out and the only thing in the world was his current project. It reminded Lightning of the kind of focus she used in battle.

The soldier was currently standing about twenty feet away from Hope who was wiring another pole for the shield project, as well as working on the figures of how far the barrier would span and how thick it would have to be. What he was working on was so complicated. It was all beyond her. Lightning was an intelligent person, but as she continued to watch the young man, she realized that she couldn't hold a candle to Hope. The figures he constantly went through, the advanced engineering skills he had and used... he was so adept... In all of their travels together as l'Cie, she never once considered how smart Hope was. When he'd stopped cowering and whining it had become clear that he was bright and picked things up quick, but... He's in his element now.

Two weeks had passed since the duo had gone back to work, back into their old workaholic ways, and Lightning was still not pleased with Hope's heavy work load. Though it seemed, other than the increasingly large amount of paperwork he had to do daily, he brought it on himself. He worked very intimately on more projects than he needed to - the shield project being a good example. When she had asked him, though, why he didn't leave it to Maqui and the rest of his very capable staff, he said he had to protect his people. That they needed to feel safe and secure, especially now. Also, he explained that this was his baby. He came up with the idea and wanted to see it through to the end, have it come to fruition. This, and his look of extreme determination, made her think back on the crystal mission. That had been his baby as well. From what she had heard, he had had a lot of himself invested in that project, too. It made her realize just how devastating letting it go must have been for him.

And just how afraid of the crystal he was now.

Of course, these thoughts led her mind into its web of horrifying thoughts of his time in the Ark, into her demanding curiosity about his torture. She wanted to know. She desperately wanted to know. She needed to know. Being stuck in a constant state of wonder was driving her insane. All she seemed to be doing lately was remembering every single mark that she had seen on him and imagining what could have happened to cause them. She had so many questions about his torture. What did they do to him, exactly? What kind of tools were used on him? How many times did they stab him, burn him, and electrocute him? How did he continue on? How did he deal with the pain and seemingly never-ending torture? Did he struggle? Did he scream? Was he able to? And if he did, how long did he cry out for someone before he realized that no one was coming for him? Did he call out to anyone specific? Did he cry out for her?

That was the one question she had become obsessed with. The one question she felt she already knew the answer to. The one question that was slowly causing her to crumble. He had called for her in his nightmares. It would only make sense if he had called for her then, too. And she hadn't come for him. Then that brought up more questions. How long did he cry out for her before he realized that she wasn't coming to save him? How long had it taken before he had lost his faith in her? Before he had lost the hope of ever being freed? How long before he had lost all hope?

Lightning stared at his back as he fiddled with things far beyond her comprehension, hoping that he wouldn't turn around. If he did, he would surely notice the tears she had been slowly shedding unconsciously. Hastily wiping them away, she clawed her way out of that pit of hell she'd thrown herself into and tried to focus on reality. But even as she did, she found herself only falling deeper. For her reality was Hope. He was all she had and was the only thing keeping her together. She couldn't stand the thought of him knowing that she'd abandoned him. Of him stuck in that place and losing faith in her. For all she knew, he had lost all faith in her. She hated thinking that. Thinking that even he thought that she couldn't protect him or save him. She already had her own doubts. But she was going to try. She was going to protect him until she drew her very last breath.

Even so, it all did no good if he didn't believe in her. If he didn't trust her. If he didn't think she cared enough to come for him. How could she show him? How could she prove it to him? Crossing her arms, the young woman dug her nails into her skin as she continued to get lost in the labyrinth of wonder her unanswered questions had created.

She could see the blood, hear his screams. He was screaming for her, but she wasn't coming. His body was writhing and struggling against his captors. They were hurting him over and over and over again. There was blood, so much blood. His screams were getting louder and even more shrill. No matter how long or loud he cried, no matter how much he struggled, those faceless monsters continued. Stop. Just stop.

And gradually, something shifted. His cries floated away into the distance. His body was still, succumbing to the torment. He no longer twitched in anguish. His eyes... those beautiful emerald eyes had lost their usual spark. There was a deadness in them that spoke of utter hopelessness and despair. It didn't belong there. Not in those eyes. Shaking her head and biting her tongue, she fought to free herself of the images, but they wouldn't relent. The chaos of her imagination had grabbed a hold of her and wasn't about to let her go.

Dropping her arms to her sides, Lightning balled her hands into tight fists. She needed to stop. Her sanity was deteriorating and if she didn't find a way to stop it soon, someone would notice. She needed to keep herself calm and on guard. What if someone attacked while she was too obsessed with her string of questions? Or someone could see and decide that she was unfit for this job. Hope could see and decide that he really couldn't count on her.

That was what finally brought her attention back on topic. Protect Hope. Nerves calming and vision clearing, the sergeant finally stopped her downwards spiral with just enough time to compose herself before Hope turned toward her, giving her his bright smile. A smile that although appeared genuine, was surely forced. Even if it was only minutely.

"So," he started as he picked up the large pipe and hefted it onto his shoulder, "have you seen Z around lately?" Walking away a few feet, he set the pole down carefully onto a cart with four others to which Maqui came over to, nodded his head at Hope, and steered it away to his workstation.

Clearing her throat, Lightning walked towards him chewing on an answer as he put his jacket on. She was now used to his little nickname he had for Zalera. Before, it had been odd for the soldier and had led to yet another question in her mind, 'when they had gotten close enough for nicknames,' but she left that question on the heap of other unanswered ones and just accepted Hope's closeness with the strange Pulsian and the name. He had a nickname for her, after all. Granted she had told him to use it. Maybe Zalera had asked him to as well. "Not for a couple of days. Last I heard from Sazh, though, she was hanging around him and learning a bit about his ships." She rolled her eyes as she imagined how that had gone. Sazh could rattle on for hours if it had anything to do with airships and his old days in the civilian air fleet.

Hope chuckled as he readjusted his tie, clipping it firmly into place to rest perfectly in the middle of his chest. "Yeah, Sazh probably had some fun... not sure about Z, though." Shaking his head, he led Lightning out of the shop and back out into the hall.

"So, where to from here, Director?"

"The office. Where else?" He smiled and laughed under his breath as he caught sight of the young woman's glare. "I know, watching me do mounds of paperwork just makes your day, huh?"

"Like life's one big party."

---

The two made it into Hope's office two minutes before a knock sounded from the door. "Come in," Hope called from his desk.

Lightning looked up from her spot in the corner to see a woman, seemingly not much older than Hope, step in and make her way over to his desk. She had fare skin and long straight red hair that reached mid back with bangs parted to the sides. She was about an inch shorter than the soldier to her estimation, not counting the black heels. Her rather thin frame wore a slim fitting black dress, a matching purse on the crook of her elbow, and a necklace with a diamond studded 'K'. Although her deep red lipstick made her lips pop, it was her eyes that attracted your attention. They were a vibrant purple, very similar to Cass'.

"Good to know you can still make time for visitors. Although, it looks like your assistant was right, you do have quite the workload." Her eyes scanned over his desk, taking in all of the papers strewn across it, before landing on their target. "How long has it been?"

Hope smiled a bit uneasily and stood, soon walking around his desk to her side as he spoke. "A little over a year, if I recall correctly." Grudgingly, he took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently. "But it's always a pleasure, Kori."

She smiled as he released her hand. "Well, of course it is." Glancing over to the corner, she caught sight of the roseate standing rigid, arms crossed, and face expressionless except for her raised brow.

Noticing where Kori's eyes landed, Hope bounced a bit in his step, jumping into introductions. "Oh, um," he began, before waving Lightning over, "this is Sergeant Lightning Farron. She's my personal guard and a good friend of mine."

Lightning reluctantly walked over towards the two, her strides swift, and held out her hand to the woman whose eyes were still sizing her up.

"And this is Koriandr Harleen. She's Cass' older sister and a... childhood friend."

They shook hands politely as expected of the two, but you could feel the intense competitive aura that filled the air in that moment. Both kept their feelings hidden away, Kori by an aristocratic smile and Lightning by her usual hardened mask. "Ah, so I get to meet the soldier who guarded my brother. Am I correct?" Lightning simply nodded in reply. "Right, he spoke about you, a bit. He said you had quite the personality." She chuckled lowly at the soldier's slight frown. "It's great to finally meet you."

Crossing her arms, Lightning decided to remain civil, even in the face of this very fake, spoiled brat for the sake of Hope. But it was nice to be able to put a face to a name, seeing as Cass had spoken of her quite a lot during his time as director. "It's nice to meet you as well, Miss Harleen."

"Please, it's Koriandr and my friends call me Kori." She leaned a bit into Hope's chest and arrested his tie. "Isn't that right, Hope?"

Looking down at the contact, Hope swallowed harshly. He hadn't even realized they were standing so close. "Sure," he replied, the word catching slightly in his throat.

After sliding down the length of his tie, her hand rested against his chest as she turned to look at Lightning. "Any friend of Hope's is a friend of mine. Anything closer and, well... that's entering enemy territory." Grinning, she stepped away as Hope cleared his throat.

"So, was there anything specific you wanted to speak with me about?" Walking towards his desk, he stole a glance at Lightning who still held an indifferent expression. He then sat on the front of his desk, awaiting Kori's answer.

"Well, first, I wanted to welcome you back. I should have done this much sooner. I wanted to see how you were doing?"

Hope looked at her, his inner feelings on the subject kept carefully away from his expression, and gave her a small, calm smile. "I'm doing well. Thank you."

Flipping her hair away from her face, she returned his smile with one of her own. "That's good to hear. You have no idea how happy I was when I heard that you were back. Although, your captivity has been kept so hush hush that it makes it quite mysterious."

Hope's eyes drifted away from her. He inwardly cringed and waited for the prying questions that so many others asked freely. As if they were as easy to answer as explaining the events of a vacation. He understood that she would be curious. Everyone was. It was only natural and he didn't mind that. As long as everyone kept their curiosity to themselves.

Seeing Hope's slight sullen expression and his reluctance to share anything on the topic, Kori moved on. "I also wanted to give you this." After opening her purse and quickly snatching out a golden envelope, she held it out for him to take. "I was kind of hoping for a quick verbal response."

Taking the envelope from her, he eyed the intricate designs for a moment before guessing what it was for. "Is this-"

"An invite to my annual soiree? Of course."

"But I thought that I missed it during-while I was gone. You always have it on the same day and..."

"I changed it." She stepped a little closer towards him and put her hand on his knee. "It wouldn't be any fun without our director."

Fingering the invitation, Hope felt touched and yet slightly annoyed. It was nice that Kori would postpone her annual ball just for him. Especially since she was usually so anal about these kinds of things. But he couldn't help the agitation he felt at having to attend. She was always hanging on him and was far too forward at the event as if she expected him to comply simply because they were in public and it was courteous. And he usually did allow it, finding himself trapped. The girl's clinginess could easily compete with Alyssa's, although the red head was more subtle and acted a little less desperate. Regardless, he would just rather avoid the whole ordeal entirely. If there was anything good that came out of his torture, it was missing the soiree. Or so he had thought.

He looked up to meet those deep violet orbs and noticed her brow arching, impatiently waiting for a reply. Hope bit his cheek as he realized how long he'd spent in silence and how rude he must have appeared. "I wouldn't dream of missing it, Kori. It was very unnecessary of you to postpone and I'm sorry for causing the complications of your party. Thank you, though... for allowing me a chance to attend this year."

Kori gave him a wide grin, having expected to hear him accept anyway, and nodded. She turned to leave and readied to say goodbye, but stopped as she remembered something else. "Oh, one last thing, Hope." She waited to continue until his eyes met hers, giving her his full attention. "Do you have any idea what my brother has gotten himself into this time?"

A look of confusion came over him until it was replaced quickly with bitter disappointment. "I have no idea. I had a hunch that he was getting into trouble again before... but it was just a feeling. Regardless I had Nivien looking into some things and watching out for him since, well, I've been so busy. She'd be the one to go to." Seeing Kori give him a look of disgust at his suggestion, Hope sighed. "Or I can ask her and relay the message to you."

A pleased smile made it's way to her face and she nodded. "And if I find anything out I'll be sure to let you know, as well. I don't understand why he has this self destructive behavior. It's been getting worse with dad, as well. It's like Cass wants him to..." she trailed off as she looked over to the side.

Her concern had cause. It seemed since the fall, even before Hope woke up, that Cass had changed. It was gradual and unnoticeable at first but as the years passed, it became apparent that his young friend had taken a liking to the taste of danger. And each time, the dangerous situation Cass would insert himself into grew worse and more violent. It seemed, at times, that he almost wanted to die. Hope had a sinking feeling that it had to do with the loss of his mother.

"Well, I should be going. That invitation is the same, as always. You may extend it to whomever you desire. That pilot you brought along last year was quite hilarious. So, please, it's always magnificent to meet more of the director's fine friends and associates." She walked towards the door, her hips swaying a bit exaggeratedly. As she was about to exit, she added, "You can even invite some of your... soldier friends," she paused, glancing at Lightning, uncaring of hiding her distaste for the woman, "...if you wish," and left.

Lightning stood, still biting her tongue as she had been doing for most of the unpleasant woman's visit. It seemed the family shared not only the eye color, but a severe case of arrogance. Lightning had learned to stand Cass' personality, with time, but she doubted she would ever get used to Kori's. Not that she wanted to in the least.

It also appeared that there were a lot of people competing for Hope's attention. Kori most definitely being one of them, unless she was just the type of person to be handsy, and used suggestive words and a sultry tone with every man she encountered. "I take it her and Nivien aren't on good terms," guessed the soldier as she took a seat on the couch across from Hope who was still staring at the envelope, mind Maker knows where. After a few moments his eyes darted up to meet hers as he furrowed his brow. "...The whole enemy thing..."

Chuckling under his breath, Hope stood and took his seat at his desk. He picked up a random paper out of the many, eyes roving over it as he replied. "Right, just ignore that. She's just a little-"

Possessive. She looked up at his silence and only then realized the word had left her mouth.

"I was going to say protective of her... friends." Hope chose his words carefully as he spoke with Lightning. He knew Kori had a thing for him. It was quite obvious, but it appeared that after the fall and he woke up, little crushes didn't really matter much to him anymore. And by the time Kori had deemed him worthy enough of her interest, he had lost his infatuation with her. When he'd considered how that had happened, it hadn't taken him long to realize that it had been because his heart already belonged to someone else.

Lightning frustratingly grew curious, at this. She knew he and the uppity bitch, as the girl was now labeled in her mind, were friends from before she even knew him, but she wanted to know how deep this relationship ran. "It's obvious she likes you," stated Lightning, her hand waving carelessly as she spoke and her face holding a bored expression. "Have you guys..." She crossed her arms as the words began sticking in her throat. She immediately regretted the conversation and wished she could swallow it back up. No matter how uninterested she made herself look, the words would surely tell him otherwise.

Hope stared at his paper, confusion written on his face. It was interesting that Lightning would care about such a subject. The young man found himself inwardly grinning as his mind raced with thoughts of why she would care, much less ask if him and Kori had been involved romantically. Even if she had stopped herself short, he knew what she wanted to ask.

Saving her dignity and yet still answering her question, Hope spoke while jotting some notes down as if he really were working and not too delighted, by gaining Lightning's interest in his love life, to focus. "Our statuses were never really in sync... not until after the fall and my father was director. By then I had much more important things to focus on than Kori. That's not to say that I don't care about her, it's just... she's a tad too superficial, I guess." He stopped writing the note that held no meaning other than to make him look like he was preoccupied and not giving this conversation his complete attention and devotion, to glance at the slight pensivity in her features. Her expression was rather open which was odd for her. "And... I guess relationships were set as a low priority for me with all of this." He gestured to the desk in front of him, a sigh being released. A thought wandered into his mind as he began to wonder just how much he should say. He wanted to tell her the main reason he'd held his distance from Kori and other interested parties, but he was deathly afraid of her reaction. Maybe if I just hint at it... "And... I think that if I cared enough about her... in that way, work wouldn't matter." Or not...

The soldier nodded in reply. Lightning still didn't like her, but she felt a little of her hatred for the girl lessen. A small silence settled over them after a few moments and after hearing the rustling of papers stop, Lightning looked up, expecting to see Hope staring intently at a document or scribbling something down. What she found instead concerned her. His eyes were shut, acute pain etched into his features, and his hand gripped a page tightly, crumpling the edge.

Hope's mind was an utter disaster. Over the past couple weeks, the voices had not stopped and had only grown worse and more frequent. The only thing the mini Castea stopped, was making sense. Her mocking words and playful reminders of her existence had evolved into a cluster of harsh whispers that would take over his mind, effectively killing his focus and blurring reality out. It was as if there were multiple Casteas that had made a home in his head and spoke to him all at once. As a result, all he heard was nonsense. It would always end after a few minutes of agony with a throbbing headache and a bout of nausea coiling in his gut.

These trying, painful times for Hope did not go unnoticed by Lightning. There would be times where he would stare off into space, fear taking over his features, and gripping whatever his hands could grab onto for dear life. Sometimes, it would occur during a conversation, most often with her, and his prolonged silence taking place over his usual witty responses would alert her into action. When it would happen she would worry, call out to him, and if he didn't respond after a few minutes, she'd find a way to snap him out of it. One time, it took her so long, she finally had to resort to a good elbow to the stomach.

Then there were the times like this, where not even her punches could bring him back to her. And in this, where whatever he was going through was bad enough that he was visibly hurting, she felt the most helpless. Especially since these occasions were happening more and more often and spanning for longer periods of time.

Even more frustrating was the fact that Hope wouldn't talk about it. He wouldn't answer any of her questions after any of the incidents, keeping it as secret as his torture. In a way, it made sense since it no doubt was linked to his captivity, but that didn't make his secrecy any less annoying. Does he truly not trust me? I guess... I can't blame him for that.

Lightning attempted to call out to him a few times, but as expected, nothing changed. As much as she despised it, she just stood there, watching as he was in pain and struggling with whatever demons were plaguing him, doing nothing. What are they? Some sort of panic attacks? Flashbacks? Some form of PTSD? She had suggested to him on more than one occasion that they should take him to a doctor and get it checked out. He had simply laughed it off, saying that he could handle it and didn't need to go around troubling anyone else.

A groan alerted her out of her head and she looked up to see Hope let whatever paper he previously held flutter to the floor as his fingers furled themselves in his hair. Wasting no time, she was at his side. She turned his chair in her direction and put her hands on his shoulders. "Hope! Hope snap out of it!" His face only continued to contort in pain while his nails dug painfully into his scalp. Grasping his arms, she tried to pull them away, but they didn't budge. Even with as much force as she could apply, she couldn't pull his head free from his iron grip. Damn, Hope. When did you get so strong? Her hands then slid up over his own and she tried to pull them off, but had no luck. As a last resort, she decided to claw them off. After digging her nails deep into his skin, drawing blood, to her dismay, he finally released. Grinning at her triumph, she pulled his arms to his sides and stared into his face. His eyes were still shut tight and he was still struggling inside his head.

Cupping his cheeks, she didn't know what to do. She could try to hit him or something, but in these cases, it never worked. And she didn't want to hurt him. She never ever wanted to cause him pain. She glanced at the bleeding claw marks on his hands and shook her head. She'd only done that so he wouldn't hurt himself. "Hope," she whispered as he groaned again. Maker, I can't do anything. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm supposed to protect him, but... how can I protect him from this? From his past? A tear slowly fell down his cheek which only caused her to berate herself more. He was in pain, serious pain, and she couldn't stop it.

When the voices finally faded out, he let out a loud sigh as his eyes fluttered open. He felt groggy and his head ached terribly. He was convinced some sort of bomb had gone off inside of it. Imaginary Castea's mind invasions are getting worse. But what am I supposed to do about that? His vision was blurred before it focused on a face rather close to his own. It was then that he realized that Lightning was kneeling before him, that his face was captured in her firm hold, and that she was looking into his eyes with an intensity that seemed to take all of his afore mentioned pain away. If only for a few moments. Then he felt a stinging sensation in his hands that drew his mind back to his physical condition.

He hissed and tore his eyes away from Lightning's concerned ones to see why his hands hurt so badly. As he caught sight of the marks, shock set in. He wondered how they had gotten there and if he had somehow done it to himself. He didn't even consider that it may have been Lightning.

Relief filled her as he came back to the real world. She had been only seconds from calling a med team and was sure she would probably have to next time. Her high spirits sank, though, as he looked to his hands. "I'm sorry, Hope. I had to get you to stop..." Hope's eyes looked back into hers at her words. "You were going to hurt yourself," she whispered, eyes falling away. So you hurt him for him? Good going, Farron.

Her eyes widened, stunned, when he brought a shaky hand to her chin and tilted her head back up so her eyes could meet his. He held his usual sweet smile in place and his eyes looked at her with happiness and warmth, not pain and betrayal as she was expecting.

"Thank you, Light." He let her chin go and tried to flex his hands. A chuckle sounded from him as he tried to ease the tension. "Your nails are like daggers." After a few moments, the scratches were gone, a healing spell swiping away the damage. Standing, Hope took his gloves out of his pocket and slipped them on. He looked down to see Lightning still kneeling in her same position, her eyes carefully hidden away by her bangs. Seeing her mouth drawn in a firm line caused Hope to bite his lip. He knew what she was doing. She was mulling over whether or not to address the elephant in the room and the young man was hoping to avoid it. He couldn't talk about it with her. It was something he had to handle on his own. No one could help him with it, anyway. Telling her would only worry her and she might even think he was going crazy. Hell, he even thought he was going bonkers. But how was he going to get around this little issue? "Um... Light?"

She sighed and stood, still not meeting his eyes. "What's going on with you, Hope?" She was tired of it. All of the secrecy. All of the aggravating and emotionally exhausting events. She couldn't stand it anymore. Why couldn't he just tell her? How was she supposed to help him if he wouldn't tell her what was wrong?

Hope bit his cheek as he looked at her. He could see the weariness in her, the agitation at his constant evasion of the truth, but he couldn't tell her. He just couldn't. He thought it was because he was protecting her and also keeping his weakness from her, but maybe this just showed how truly weak he was. "It's nothing I can't-"

"Nothing you can't handle? Well maybe I can't handle it, Hope!" Lightning's face turned from anger to shock at her words. She couldn't believe she'd allowed the words to slip from her mouth. It was so unlike her to even accept when something was bothering or hurting her, let alone tell someone else about it. Yet strangely, she didn't mind. "You're hurting and I just..."

A metallic taste invaded his mouth and he released his cheek from his teeth, realizing just how hard he was biting into it in his anxiety. "I know you want to help, but... it's not that simple," Hope replied quietly, unsure of how else to answer her. "I just can't, Light. I can't go through it all again. Please don't make me." He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard his own words and how childish he'd sounded.

Lightning's heart ached at the pleading tone in his voice. Maybe this had nothing to do with her, at all. Taking his hand in hers, she squeezed it. "Alright, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me. We'll figure some way around this." Hope gave a small nod but refused to open his eyes in fear of whatever expression Lightning held while giving in. "C'mon, let's get something to eat." She let him go and turned away to walk towards the door.

As he heard her foot steps, the teen opened his eyes. He felt a sharp pain in his chest as he watched her walk away from him. He had lied. He had lied to Lightning. His words had held some truth. It really was and would be extremely painful to talk about what happened to him, especially with Lightning, of all people. But he could. He could do it, if it was for her. He could even swallow his pride if it meant assuaging her worries away. The young director kept his mouth shut, however, willing himself to live in the wake of his lie, for he was convinced that telling her would do more harm than good. He was convinced that, in the end, this would be better for her.

Giving his head a slight shake, he followed the soldier out of the room. They were silent for a while, a thick tension hanging over their heads. Lightning was busy beating herself up for trying to force the truth out of him. Hope was trying to pry his mind away from his conscience, his guilt rising by the minute. They entered the elevator and still didn't even look in the other's direction.

It wasn't until Lightning finally did as she used to do so frequently, before she'd allowed herself to become so emotionally dependent on a man, and severed herself from her emotions, that they picked back up into their usual selves. "So, what's been going on with Cass?" It was something that had piqued her interest, even if she was mostly using the twerp as a talking point in an attempt at passing over their recent hurdle. She was trying to jump back into normalcy, or some form of it.

Hope's brow rose at her sudden question as he was startled that she was speaking with him. He had expected silent, soldier Lightning to have taken her place for a few hours, still stewing in her failed attempt at getting him to talk. But she wasn't. She didn't appear mad or distant, she was just giving up her endeavor in favor of making him feel better. And it only made him feel worse. Still, he was happy that she wanted to talk, and even a tad joyful that it was about something other than his predicament, so he was ready and willing to converse with her. To get back into their friendly conversations and witty banter that his days were filled with now. But how was he going to answer her question? It was a bit of a personal issue that Nivien and him had decided to keep between them unless things with Cass got too out of hand. And Kori was his sister, so she was an exception. But letting Lightning in on Cass' problems, when he wasn't sure if his friend would want her to know, seemed like a betrayal. But he couldn't just tell her that. He didn't know how much more of his deflection she could take.

Making a decision, he pushed the button and stopped the elevator. Turning towards her, he saw her surprise and confusion in her gaze and faced it with stern seriousness. "I know things haven't been easy for you, Light... especially with my constant avoidance of your questions, but..."

How did my question lead to this? What does it have to do with me? Her brow arched as she turned toward him, her arms crossing. She thought she was doing what he wanted and giving him space and time to deal with everything going on with him. So she didn't understand why he was bringing it up.

"I know over time you and Cass became friends, but-"

Lightning snorted at his choice of words. "I wouldn't call us friends."

A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips before he disciplined his features into a determined expression. "Cass has a lot of issues."

You can say that again.

"And I want you to be careful."

That was definitely not something she expected him to say, so she couldn't keep the shock off of her face at his wish. She knew the kid was a bit of a brat and had perverted tendencies but she never detected anything to be too wary of. Cass had never really given her any cause to be cautious around him, except for that smart mouth of his, but maybe she'd misjudged him, yet again. Judging by Hope's look of dead seriousness, she probably should have paid more attention.

He wasn't surprised by her reaction. Cass was very good at keeping himself guarded and at hiding his private matters. But this needed to be addressed whether she would have found out or not. "I know you're not a person to be told what to do." He smirked at his next words. "Even though I very well could order you." Her scowl spoke volumes of her irritation with his words and the truth behind them, which only caused him to smirk further before carrying on. "But I would like you to stay away from him. He's dangerous. He welcomes death. I don't know what's been going on with him or what exactly it is that he's getting himself into, but... Nivien and I are handling it best we can, so... just please be careful around him and avoid him when you can, all right?"

It was a while before Lightning found her words. She didn't think the punk was really worth the worry, but... What is it that's so bad that Hope feels the need to worry about me? "What-If you don't know what he's doing... then how do you know it's... that he's dangerous?"

The silverette shifted, his gaze still holding its intensity. "His past excursions and little adventures. He's always wanted that taste of adventure, especially in the face of certain death. And since he feels he doesn't have anything to lose... His sister, Nivien, and I always tried to keep him out of his habits of trying to get himself killed ... but with us all growing apart, I think he took it the hardest." His gaze wavered. He knew what it felt like to be abandoned and he couldn't believe he'd caused that kind of pain in one of his oldest friends. "Just... please?"

Seeing the conflicting emotions play over him, the only answer she could find was, "Alright."

Hope smiled at the fact that it hadn't taken any heavy convincing or pleading, and pressed the button to continue on their way.

A smirk soon found its way to her lips as she glanced towards him. "I can take care of myself, you know."

She tried her best to sound stern and cold, but he caught the amusement in her tone, just as well. His smile only widened. "Oh, I know."

---

"Hope," Arden squealed as they approached.

"I see you like this place, huh," asked Hope with a grin and a jab of his elbow to Lightning's side.

Lightning stomped on his foot rather harshly in retaliation. "Its been a while since I've been here and even longer for you, so I thought-" She thought with everything going on with him and the severe heaviness that had been hanging over them all day, that a trip to Jun's eating establishment would cheer him up. And it would bring a smile to the face of a certain little boy who wound up cutting off her sentence as he slammed himself into Hope, squeezing him with all his might in a bear hug.

Hope chuckled as he ruffled the kid's blue-violet hair. "Hey, Arden."

Arden released him after a few more moments. "I missed you, Hope. Nana said you were away on a trip. Where'd you go for so long?"

A dark look came over Hope's features before it softened and he knelt down face-to-face with the boy. "Just a boring business trip. I'm sorry I had to be gone for so long. I missed you too, buddy." Hope smiled at him which the boy returned with his own wide toothy grin before hugging him again.

Lightning's lips couldn't help but to twitch upwards at the sight. She knew the boy cared for Hope a lot, but it was like they were close enough to be siblings.

"Where'd you run off to this time?" Jun peeked around the corner from her window to catch sight of them just a ways away. An expression of shock and happiness could be read on her face as she looked to Hope.

Arden let go of Hope and began bouncing up and down, pointing at his idol beside him. "Hope's here, Nana." He looked over toward Lightning, his excitement only growing, and pointed at her before looking at his grandmother. "And he brought the pretty girl with him, too."

A gasp escaped Jun and before they knew it, she was rushing out the side door of the little bus, her eyes watery. "Oh, dear, it's good to have ya back home." She embraced Hope as a few tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I think Nana missed you bunches, too," commented Arden as he stared at the two and giggled.

The hug lasted quite some time and as Hope began to pull away she only tightened her grip around his neck, causing him to smile and let out a light laugh.

"Oh, no, you don't, mister. You go missing for so long and when you're finally back you don't even visit us? Very rude, young man. You will stay and receive your punishment."

Hope only laughed harder. "Yes, this hug is pure torture."

Jun slapped him lightly on the back for his smart mouth before finally pulling back, hands still holding his shoulders tightly. She looked him up and down, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She could see right through his smile. All she had to see was his eyes, for his eyes held a tremendous amount of pain. "I-"

"It's good to see you too, Jun. I'm sorry it took me so long to visit, but-"

"Please." She wiped away the last remnants of tears from her eyes with her index fingers before straightening out the new wrinkles in his jacket. "You know you never have to apologize for anything."

Jun had always been like a mom to Hope, Cass, and Nivien. Ever since the three had met her, she always gave them advice, consoled them, scolded them, and helped them in anyway she could, taking on the role as a mother to the three who no longer had their own. He wasn't shocked in the least by the waterworks or the hug that squeezed all the air out of him. The only thing that stunned him was his own tears he found he had to fight back. "Well, you know I'm still going to."

Jun chuckled at that. "Of course." She turned to Arden who was looking at the two with glee and Lightning who was looking at them with confusion.

She didn't know the two were so close at all.

"Hey, Arden, why don't you give Lightning a little tour of the bus, okay?"

Arden's face lit up even more at the suggestion and looked up at Lightning while grabbing onto her hand. "C'mon, Lightning, It's really cool."

The soldier's gaze flicked to Hope, seeking a way out. When he only shrugged his shoulders, she made a mental note to give him a good punch later. Kids were sweet and nice and all... they just weren't her thing. She could tolerate them, and when around them for short amounts of time, even stand to interact with them, but she just usually found herself uncomfortable in their presence. Maybe it was their unwavering trust in those around them, or the completely unguarded emotions children held and expected in return, or maybe it was the thousands of questions that slipped out one after another that drove her insane, but she never held much patience for them. Hell, she had little patience to begin with. She never understood how people could gush at any random baby's or kid's face. Serah had called her strange for it, but it was just how she was.

Even in the face of all this, she couldn't find herself being her normal cold self and turning down the bouncing boy before her. "All right," Lightning relented. "Just stay out of trouble, Hope." She gave him a wary glance before being tugged off toward the vendor.

"Don't worry about it, Light," called Hope. He couldn't help but smile. He had been a little worried at first, unknowing of what she would say or do in the face of the kid. So seeing her allow herself to let her icy exterior thaw for Arden, was a rather heartwarming sight.

"Don't burn yourself again, Arden," yelled Jun.

Arden huffed in exasperation, as if that was an outlandish expectation. "I won't." He then turned to the young woman held in his firm grip as he skipped to the food truck. "I thought your name was Lightning?"

Lightning sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as her arm was jerked about, being unsteadily pulled along. "Light's my nickname."

Before entering, he stopped and turned to face her, a bashful smile on his face. "That's a pretty name. Almost as pretty as you." Seeing her slight smile before she covered her mouth to muffle a chuckle, Arden carried on. "It's much better than Lightning. Lightning is so scary. And you're not scary, at all. Light suits you much better. You're like a warm, guiding light, that heals and protects everyone."

She stared at the little kid before her and wondered about how much time he had spent with Hope. Her gaze turned a little downcast as well. His words couldn't have been farther from the truth. She wasn't a warm person. She wasn't even nice. And she failed horribly at healing people. All she usually did was hurt. "You don't even know me, kid."

He gave her his toothy smile as he swayed a bit, his hands clasped before him. "I see it in your smile. And the way you look at people. Like Hope."

Jun looked back at Hope when the two were no longer in sight, her eyes flooded with concern. He gave her a small, gentle smile, to which she shook her head. She didn't want to see his strong front. She wanted to know how he was for real. Her eyes looked him over, once again, searching for any scrape or scar, but if she had heard correctly, she suspected she wouldn't find one. Eyes settling on his left forearm, Jun took it into her hold and gripped his sleeve. She glanced up, asking for his permission, which he gave in a nod, before pushing it up. A gasp sounded from her as she saw the brand. She only stared at it for a few moments before she tugged his sleeve down, her head hanging low.

"It wasn't-" Hope winced and his brows furrowed as she smacked him upside the head, a stern look coming over her.

"None of that nonsense. What happened to you, dear? I thought the l'Cie stuff was over and... that thing was gone?" Her tone was gentle, but still bristled with overwhelming worry and concern.

"It was. They found a way to bring it back." Hope bit his lip as he attempted to cast away the memories that threatened to surface.

Growing curiosity getting the better of her, Jun continued her questions. "The people who took you, you mean? How-"

Hope held up a shaky hand as his gaze fell to the floor. "Please, Jun. I can't. It was-" He was cut off by another one of Jun's hugs that soothed some of his growing pain away.

"I'm so sorry, Hope. I'm here if you need me."

---

Zalera stood a little ways off, watching the two eat their lunch on the Academy base stone steps. She had been doing this almost every time Hope was out in the open. Watching, unknown, undetected, making sure he was safe, even though she was sure he couldn't be safer than with his pink-haired guardian by his side. Lightning... a tough one, for sure. I can't be sure of her emotional stability, she seems to block a lot of necessary emotions out, but physically... she's ready for any battle. She stared at the two, warmth in her eyes. Watching Hope and Lightning sitting and smiling together, brought on fond times she had shared with Yeul.

It was wrong of her to expect that just by attaching herself to Hope's side and becoming a not necessarily unwanted, but not needed guard to the kid, she could continue to live on easily. Hope was a special and very sweet young man who deserved nothing but the best from the world. He deserved a simple life and she was determined to protect him so he could have it. But she had an unpleasant feeling sneak into her that she was somehow dishonoring Yeul and her memory by moving on to guard someone else.

No. She needed to do this. She had to do this, not only to live, but because Yeul would have wanted her to.

Hearing approaching footsteps, Zalera stiffened. As she evaluated the sound of the footfalls, the easygoing nature behind them, her nerves began to ease. They weren't a threat, but they were definitely approaching her. Soon, a young man stood beside her. He wasn't much younger than Hope, but his attire was messy and his posture lax. Traits that led her to a name she had heard around.

"So, you're Zalera," he guessed as his eyes caught her view, settling on her target.

Zalera smirked. "And you would be Cass." His eyebrows rose, questioning how she knew, as his eyes rested on her. "A few months in captivity with the kid-"

"Ah. What are you doing, anyway? Don't tell me you've fallen for him, too."

A snort left her as she shook her head, her eyes now catching his with a dull look "Not quite." Cass tilted his head in a silent urge for her to continue. "He saved me. He saved me when he really shouldn't have. So now I'm going to watch out for him." She nodded to herself, reassuring herself that it was right. "Because I owe him that."

Cass contemplated this in silence. He found himself even more intrigued by the woman than he had been before. Glancing in her direction, he noticed her unwavering gaze was stuck to Hope. Cass didn't doubt her words for a second. But he did doubt her motive.

"He loves her, doesn't he," asked Zalera. She knitted her brow and cocked her head to the side, observing every movement in Hope and Lightning's interaction. "I got a strong vibe when he would talk about her. And now, seeing the way he looks at her, it's damn obvious." A wry chuckle escaped her. "How she can't see it..."

Taking a moment to ponder the direction their conversation had turned to, amusement filled him. "I think she just doesn't want to. But they'll figure it out."

---

It ate at her. No matter how much she tried to swipe the nagging thoughts and uneasy feelings away, she couldn't let it go. Things at lunch had gone well, wonderful in fact. Spectacularly, Hope seemed to be back to his same self and even now was quietly working away. So why can't I just be grateful that he's alright right now?

Because you know another episode is right around the corner...

Running her hand through her hair, she tried to come up with ways to get him to open up. She knew all too well what bottling things up did to people.

Lightning's eyes widened as she thought of what to do. It had worked before with talking about our parents, so... maybe... Clearing her throat loudly, she caught Hope's attention. Her purposeful, stern gaze held his until he set down his paper.

"Yeah, Light?" The young woman looked down at her feet, biting her lip and he could tell that she was coming up with some sort of battle strategy for tackling how to talk to him. This isn't good.

Letting out a deep exhale, she found the right words, the right story to get Hope to open up more and ultimately help her understand what happened to him and how to help him deal. Now all she had to do was get the words out of her mouth. "I need to talk."

Hope's lips parted as he took in her sentence. Suspicion shot through him as he caught on to the fact that 'I need to talk' was really 'you need to talk and I'm going to find a way to get you to'. Like another challenge for the soldier to face and overcome.

"Please."

The slight plea in her tone had him up and sitting by her side in a matter of moments. "What about?"

Feeling the weight of his gaze on her and realizing how stupid she was at starting a conversation she wasn't sure she was ready for, she began balling her fist until it hurt. "I wanted..." She trailed off, finding the words harder to say than she'd imagined.

Seeing her curious mental struggle and the clenched fist that held her anxiety, Hope took her hand and drew it out of its ball. Stroking her gloved palm with his thumb, he watched a small sense of calm overcome her.

Wordlessly, he managed to alleviate her growing nerves and fear in seconds and she envied him for that. This is for Hope. She said that to herself over and over, mostly focusing on the soothing circles he was running into her hand, and finding herself curiously wishing that they had no barrier between their contact. "You're scarred, Hope." She didn't need to see his expression to know that he'd heard her low whisper. He'd stopped his ministrations on her hand the second the last syllable had left her mouth. "Even if you look perfectly healthy, you're not." He began to pull his hand from hers but she latched onto it and squeezed it. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but it will destroy you if you don't."

A large amount of grief landed on him as she waited for him to reply. He struggled to find a response. It was usually so easy for him to talk with her, but this... this was something he had no idea how to approach. He thought that they had passed this and that he would at least not have to worry about this conversation coming up again until after the next incident. But here they were. Annoyance struck him as well as he wondered why she couldn't just let it go. Why couldn't this be the one thing he was allowed to keep from her? He was ready to share everything else with her, every detail about his past and what made him him. Anything but this.

Hearing nothing but his steady breaths, she continued. Maybe, as much as she hated the idea of it, she was going to have to bear the brunt of the conversation. "I know what I'm talking about." Her hold on him tightened as she forced herself to face the things she'd shut away long ago. That past she'd shoved into a closet when she'd become Lightning. The past that Claire could no longer deal with. It was hard, but that hand she was holding was helping her through it. "When my mother died, Serah and I only had each other. I told myself that I was okay, that I could deal with her death for Serah. That I had to do it alone." She shut her eyes as she found them beginning to water. "I stayed strong and joined the Corps to help protect and provide for Serah. I forced myself through the motions of a perfect soldier, pushed myself through the grueling trials of boot camp, faced impossible drill sergeants and fellow soldiers who told me I couldn't make it, and became what I set out to become. Lightning." The name came out with more disgust and hatred than she'd intended, but that made her story all the more truthful. For although Lightning had been Claire's savior, she had also led to her destruction. "She saved me from crumbling in the wake of my mother's death and from cracking under the new pressures weighing down on my shoulders. She was born of my self hatred and my endurance to achieve what Claire couldn't. Lightning helped me... for a while."

Hope stared at the side of her head as she talked. She spoke with such uncertainty and yet, such strength that he found himself marveling at the woman beside him. She constantly surprised him with her actions, with her words, that you'd think his amazement of her would slowly diminish. But it didn't, instead it grew.

"Serah saw through a lot of it. She saw that I was hiding under the shell of this indestructible soldier girl. Day in and day out she would try to tell me to take a break... to take a breather. She tried to get me to talk, but I just ended up shutting her out. I had nothing to talk out because I had shoved all of my feelings away. I denied their existence. I had decided that, as Lightning, I didn't need emotions. She was someone who could live without them and had no vulnerability." Drawing in a shaky breath, she opened her eyes, her gaze drifting over the room and its contents. "It wasn't until my first mission that I realized what a fool I was. Just because you push your past away, it doesn't mean it won't come back at you. And mine did, at the worst time."

Hearing the slight tremor in her voice, the young man slid his arm over her shoulder tentatively and pulled her closer. Interestingly, she didn't draw away or bark at him. Instead she seemed to accept the new contact. A heavy silence fell and Hope wondered if she could handle speaking anymore. This was a lot of Lightning... no... Claire... that was slightly startling to see. He knew there was a very vulnerable, very scared girl hidden inside that battle hardened woman, but he'd never dreamed he'd get to see it. He loved how open she was being with him, but it came with a price, as all things did. He knew this all was leading somewhere. To a place he wasn't ready to go to or speak about. But he wasn't going to worry about that now. He was just going to pay attention to Lightning and devote every part of his being to listening to her words and comforting her as she said them.

"We weren't supposed to have to fight, it was just a routine perimeter check in the middle of the night. But... there was an ambush." Images assaulted her mind as she thought back to that day. All the images she could remember, that is. The explosions... the bullets... the bodies... the eyes... "All I remember is seeing my fellow soldiers go down beside me. I remember his eyes... the eyes of a man I hadn't bothered to know the name of because I had previously decided it was unimportant. But his eyes were now staring at the sky, soulless. His body was a mangled mess, but.. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his own."

Her hand began to shake in his own which caused him to squeeze it tighter and draw her in closer. His chin rested on her head as she continued, his heart aching at her pain.

"I stared at his eyes... not because... It was b-because I saw my mother. It was all I could see... was my mother's dead eyes... Lost, dead, blue eyes staring at the ceiling while Serah kneeled at her bedside, screaming for her to wake up." Biting her lip, she cursed the first tear as it fell, but she kept going. For Hope. "I woke up three days later in the hospital with holes in my stomach and chest, a concussion, and a sobbing sister at my side. I didn't remember a thing passed that man's eyes. Passed her eyes. I still don't remember. All I know is that if I'd dealt with the pain of losing her, it probably wouldn't have happened. And then I wouldn't have felt so vulnerable for so long afterward. All I could think of as I was recovering was what could have happened to Serah." She sniffed as she was steadily crying now. Trying to keep her voice steady, she marched on, as she always did. "And what could have happened if I hadn't survived. Even after I had healed and the marks were no longer visible on my skin, I could still see them... I could still feel them. The invisible and the internal scars were still very prominent. Yet still... in the face of all that, I denied my feelings, and those scars, and those demons of my past that tore at me at night. Because Lightning was invincible... and I was going to become her for-" And that's when her voice finally broke and she stopped, not wanting to fall apart in front of Hope, even though being in his arms felt like the safest place in the universe.

"Light?" They sat, quiet taking the room for a minute while he held her against him until she pulled away, bangs obscuring her expression from view.

"I don't want you to hide everything away, Hope. Horrific things happened to you and I know that it's hard to face them but you have to. It will make you better and safer and I'll feel less worthless and-"

He hugged her, effectively stopping her from spouting off more of her self loathing bull shit. "Stop, Light. You're not worthless. You're not." You're not. "You mean more to me than you will ever know and..." He swallowed, unsure of how she would take his words, but he said them because he needed to. "... having you here means the world to me and no one could help me the way you do. Who knows what state I'd be in if you weren't here." Pulling her away so he could look into her eyes, he showed her his sincerity in his expression, while evaluating her face for how she was taking his words.

Shock was all that seemed to set in. It shouldn't have been so shocking. She knew he cared deeply for her and knew that he was extremely open and frank when it came to his emotions and caring about people, yet his words still shocked her. Maybe her presence was helping him, but... that wasn't enough was it? Or was it just her?

"I can't... I know I have to talk about what happened, I just..." He had to say it. "I can't tell you."

And there it was. It was about her. He wasn't keeping it secret because he couldn't deal, it was because he couldn't tell her. It was because he didn't trust her. It was because she had abandoned him and she had shattered the bond they had held. It was her fault.

Regret soon came into play within him as he watched her face fall and as she wrenched herself from his grip. She stood and turned away from him. "No, Light, please-" He stood and tried to touch her arm, but she jerked it away. "I didn't..." Way to put your foot in your mouth, dumbass. "I'm afraid." If admitting it would get her to turn around and face him, if admitting it would get her to stop hating herself, then he would. "I'm afraid of what you'll think of me and I'm afraid that... that you'll only blame yourself more... if you know the truth." A last sniff sounded from her and for a second he thought that what he said wasn't going to be enough, but he watched her shoulders relax and heard her sigh. "I don't want you to tell me you won't place the blame on your shoulders and I don't want you to tell me that you won't think any less of me, even if those things are true. I just... please... give me time to tell you. I just can't right now." She turned to face him, her expression still surprisingly, incredibly vulnerable.

"Okay."

Walking towards her, he brushed his fingertips against hers and released a long waited breath when she grabbed hold of his hand. "I'm sorry about your mom and what happened. I know it must have been hard. We all deal with pain in different ways and... I guess... Lightning was your way to cope."

"Is," she whispered, her head still low.

"What?"

"Is, she is my way of coping. All these years and she's still holding me together." She let out a hollow chuckle as she stepped away from him. "It was my past. I just wanted you to know what can happen if you bottle your pain and emotions up. As long as you're talking to someone... I guess I can live with the wait." She put a hand on her hip as she smirked. Liar. You know you still want to know. You know you won't be able to continue standing there watching as he has his episodes and wonder if knowing would allow you to help him through it.

You're a liar.

A harsh knock sounded from the door causing Hope to jump. He looked to Lightning to see if it was alright to let someone in. She composed herself and nodded. "Come in."

Nivien stepped in, her eyes, holding frustration and worry, flitted between the two of them before settling on Hope. "I'm sorry, Director, but I need to speak with you. It's about Mr. Leonald."

He gave her a warm smile as he walked back towards his desk. "What's with the formalities, Nivien?"

The corners of her lips twitched upwards, but she was determined to keep herself serious. "Sorry... Hope... but this is important."

"Okay. I was hoping you'd have found something out. Kori was asking about his recent activities earlier today."

"Well..." Nivien glanced in Lightning's direction and gave her a wary, impatient look.

Lightning could tell what the lieutenant wanted, Hope alone to talk, and though she was loathe to give it to her, she did have something she wanted to do. She had one last person she could try to talk to. "Lieutenant, if you wouldn't mind taking my place, I do have something I'd like to accomplish." She looked to Hope who gave her a curious expression, but gave her his 'permission', and Nivien gave her a silent nod in return as well.

---

Lightning stood against the wall outside of her apartment, thoughts still enraptured in her previous conversation with Hope. Things had definitely not gone as planned and it irritated her to no end. Not only had she not gotten the desired information out of him, but she had gotten extremely and horribly emotional in front of him. Lightning groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose as her cheeks flared in embarrassment. That had definitely not been a part of the plan. But now she knew more of the reason why he was keeping it all so secret from her. 'I'm afraid of what you'll think of me and I'm afraid that... that you'll only blame yourself more... if you know the truth.' He was probably right in one instance, that she'd still blame herself even if she knew everything. But how could you ever think that I'd think any less of you, Hope?

Even with Hope's pleas for her to wait and his explanation as to why he wanted her to, she couldn't stop her burning curiosity. She had to know. She was so close to him yet she felt that this secret seemed to force a wall between them and she couldn't stand it. If anything, she was his guard. She needed all the knowledge she could get in order to properly protect Hope. How else would she be prepared enough to protect him? And so, she was now turning to her last resort. The only other person who knew what happened in that Ark other than the dead l'Cie fiends and the poor girl buried out in Harleen cemetery. The Pulsian woman who was still such a stranger to Lightning. Zalera.

Zalera approached Lightning who was standing against the wall by what she assumed was the sergeant's apartment It was extremely odd that Lightning of all people requested to speak with her. It was even more peculiar that this conversation didn't involve Hope. "Hey, sorry it was such a bother to get ahold of me. I still don't quite know how to work this thing." She briefly held up her comm before placing it back in her pocket. "So what was it you wanted..." Pushing off from the wall, Lightning took out her key and opened the door, holding it open for Zalera to enter. Seeing as the soldier was no longer obscuring her face with her hand, Zalera could clearly see that she had previously been very upset to the point of tears. It wasn't terribly obvious. In fact it seemed to have been a while ago by the faintness of the signs, and Lightning did pretty well at hiding her emotions, except that temper she had. It was the slight redness that rimmed her eyes and the subtle puffiness beneath them that gave her away. To avoid risking flaring that temper that Lightning had, though, the warrior sharply halted her observations and walked into her room.

They sat in silence for what appeared to be a few hours, but was instead a few painfully awkward minutes. Lightning wasn't sure how to talk to the woman beside her and she wasn't sure of what she would say even if she did. She was tense at best, as well as extremely disappointed and disgusted by her previous actions of falling apart just twenty minutes earlier, so she wasn't exactly in the best mood for chatting, anyhow. But this wasn't something that could wait. This was her last chance to find some answers and she'd be damned if she wasn't going to do this now. "I wanted to ask you some questions..."

The tone was the first warning sign, then there was the sinking feeling in her gut. Zalera had a sneaking suspicion as to what this was about, but she wasn't angry, upset, or scared. Actually, she was rather curious as to why it took so long for the girl to come to her.

"It's about the Ark. What happened in it, to be more specific." Lightning stood as she inwardly fought the shakiness in her voice. A nervous and emotional wreck already. And the conversation has barely even started-

"I'm afraid I can't help you." Zalera crossed her left leg over her right and sat back, trying to ignore the look of disbelief on the girl's face.

"But you haven't even-"

Zalera looked deep into her icy blue eyes, wanting to make her point so they could move on and not have to have this topic come up again in the future. "I figured you'd wish to speak with me about it sooner or later. Especially since Hope's clammed up about it. And I've considered telling you, even. Of course I won't. But I did take the time to consider what I would say." Lightning looked like she was ready to gut her, and she couldn't really blame her for that. The soldier really cared for Hope and would of course want to know the vicious details of what exactly happened to them, or him, really.

Lightning sneered at the woman's words and crossed her arms, ignoring the slight magnetic pull towards her gunblade that her fingers felt. "Why 'of course'?"

"There's many reasons, really. One is that you don't have any right to know what happened to us. You think you do, but you really don't." Lightning bared her teeth at her to which Zalera gave her a dull look of defiance in return, not intimidated in the least. "Second is that if Hope doesn't want you to know, then going behind his back and finding out anyway is a betrayal of his trust. I thought you cared for him, but if your going to do something as low and despicable as that..." A growl sounded from Lightning as she was most likely ready to rip the Pulsian's throat out. She didn't meet the snarling woman's eyes, however, as she was too devoted to getting her point across. "Three, you wouldn't want to find out from someone else, not deep down. You may want to know, but what you really want is for Hope to tell you. As much as you feel the need to know the gruesome details of our torture, this is really about the fact that it's killing you that he's keeping something from you. And last, but most certainly not least, you are being selfish. You're asking me to recount Hope's, mine, and most horrifyingly Yeul's torture just to tame your curiosity." Zalera's face contorted in pain and disgust as she turned to face the girl before her.

Lightning stood shocked, and pissed, but mostly shocked. It seemed Zalera knew every bit of her true motives for her curiosity, even when Lightning hadn't known why she'd wanted to know so badly herself. Not completely, anyway. Still she wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that. Clenching her fists, she bit her lip as she struggled to swallow the warrior's harsh and intuitive words, and find a way to still convince her. She needed to know at least something. Yes, she didn't truly have a right to know. Yes, it was terribly wrong of her to go around Hope, especially when he had asked her to wait and she had accepted. Yes, she would much rather hear it from Hope. Yes, she was being completely selfish in unnecessarily asking a torture victim the details of her days of captivity. But she was desperate. There was no other word for it. She was completely and utterly desperate. She'd be close to a mental breakdown if she didn't find out something soon.

"I know all of that and... I'm sorry. Maker, I'm sorry, but I can't keep going on this way. I'm losing my mind worrying about everything that happened to him. And he's been dealing with it all on his own and not in the healthiest of ways either. I don't know how to help him, but I think if I understood what happened-I'd be able to get him through this... I just need to..."

Lightning hated getting this worked up and she loathed letting a stranger see her so upset, but she had to understand. "Please, you're my last hope. I've done more than ask Hope. I even asked Amodar and Rygdea. Do you know how embarrassing and unbearably uncomfortable it was to ask the general, my boss? For someone like me? And still I got nothing." Lightning let out a loud sigh. "Amodar gave me a hollow smile. He said it was a private matter between him, Rygdea and Hope. That he wouldn't ever consider breaking the confidentiality. And from Rygdea-" A pained look crossed her features as she thought of the conversation. "I was met with a dark look and a pat on the shoulder. 'Some things are better unknown,' he said. But I couldn't accept it, the not knowing, the tossing and turning at night, wondering, witnessing all of Hope's little episodes and being unable to stop them. I even went back a few days later and demanded to know. Threatened him with my fist... and my gunblade. He finally yelled at me. He said that he couldn't. Even if he wanted to... even if it wasn't a betrayal of Hope's trust... he could never bring himself to speak of it."

Watching Lightning's body begin to tremble, Zalera felt her resolve crumble. The soldier's stoic nature seemed to have fallen apart and she assumed that this was the Lightning that Hope had spoken so fondly of in the Ark. Although Zalera began to feel for the girl, she knew she was right. It was none of Lightning's business and if Hope didn't want her to know, then she shouldn't.

Lightning wasn't sure how to stop herself now. She remembered how Rygdea looked when he spoke with her that last time. His face was so grave and his words were so tightly strung with anger. This only reinforced her worries of how bad things had been. "If he couldn't even talk about it then how-how bad is it really? I have to know. I-" Her words began to catch and she held the back of her hand to her mouth as she attempted to calm down.

And as the warrior watched her begin to mildly hyperventilate, she found she could stand it no longer. This secret was killing the poor girl and if someone didn't tell her something, she was going to break. But how can I tell her without betraying Hope?

And then she figured something out. She could tell Lightning about her experience in the Ark. It would be telling her without really telling her. Plus she had actually been wanting to talk with someone about everything that had happened. Where Hope had opted to secrecy, Zalera wanted to let it all out. She wasn't really close to anyone to speak about her problems except for Hope, but that would probably do him more harm than do her good. So maybe telling Lightning could help not only the deteriorating soldier, but help her find a sense of closure.

Looking back up, she was relieved to find that Lightning was calming down. "Sit," asked Zalera as she gestured to the seat beside her.

Finally finding herself reaching some normalcy, Lightning shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Sit," Zalera commanded. If she was going to do this, it was going to be on her terms and the stubborn soldier act would only be irritating. "You're asking something of me... so you will sit."

Lightning glared at the woman for her demanding tone and the fact that she would expect her to just jump to her commands, but she did have a point. She reluctantly sat in the seat with a huff and waited for Zalera to carry on.

Half smirking as the girl conceded, Zalera began to consider how to address Lightning's question. What happened in the Ark? "Rygdea is like a father to him, yeah?" Lightning glanced in her direction and nodded as she rubbed her cheek in frustration. "So hearing about everything Hope went through was probably difficult enough. Talking about it... saying it would probably be too painful for him."

Lightning lowered her head as she listened. She had been quite selfish lately, asking such painful things from people. Even people she cared deeply for.

"I won't tell you what happened to Hope. That's something for him to share. But I can tell you about my stay in the Ark. Is that all right?"

Although it wasn't what she was looking for, it would lead to some answers. And it would lead to finding out more about the strange Pulsian. Two Zirnitras with one stone. Nodding once more, she sat back and allowed herself to relax as she was going to finally be able to know something about what's been happening to Hope.

Zalera nodded back. "As you may have been told, those... l'Cie that took us weren't after me. They only took me to make it easier to break Yeul." Her voice remained surprisingly steady and calm as she delved into her memories, but she wasn't sure how 'steady and calm' she would be by the end of this conversation. "When they came, we were all just sitting around merrily eating and laughing like fools, completely unaware of the impending attackers and our subsequent dark fates. Most of us were strong, experienced warriors and none of us even heard or noticed..." She shook her head at the shame and disappointment she still held for herself and fellow members of her tribe. "We were fierce and strong, but we never stood a chance against their skillful magical power. Within minutes our numbers dwindled. I wanted to stay and fight on but... I had to protect Yeul. She was my priority. So I led her away and ran. As we retreated, we could still hear their cries. The guilt began to eat away at me until I could stand it no longer. I hid Yeul and made her promise me to stay. Then I ran back. I wanted to see if there was anyone else I could save. Even if it was just one person. Just one woman. Or just one child. But they were dead."

Turning her head to stare at the woman, Lightning found that Zalera had her eyes closed, her hands now firmly grasping her chakram. With her story, the roseate wouldn't have been surprised to find her close to a breakdown. But Zalera held herself in a calm state, keeping herself just enough in reality to refrain from getting lost in her past.

"When I reached them, I remained out of sight, but I could see everything. My tribe was dead. Only seven were left kneeling in the dead's blood in front of Barsilisk. He was walking before them, watching them, asking them where Yeul was hiding. He even offered them freedom if they gave her up." Zalera's face scrunched up in disgust before changing to a proud smile as she carried on. "Even if anyone knew where she was, they would never tell. We all put her life above our own. Therefore I knew their fate before it even happened." She exhaled slowly, hoping to keep her inner equilibrium in tact. "I ran back to Yeul as I heard the survivor's final cries and Barsilisk yell to his men to fan out. I bolted toward her, praying she was still safe. I found her huddled in a ball right where I'd left her. She kept asking me question after question about our tribe, but I told her to stay quiet. As I went to lead her away, to where, I had no clue, I saw the familiar flash in her eyes and she stilled in my grasp. I cursed Etro for her timing as I tried in vain to move her. After a moment, her vision was over, but my worry upheld as a look of fear crossed her face and she whispered something to me."

"They're going to catch us."

"Before I could even react or think to reply, I was struck on the back of the head and was out like a light."

---

Zalera awoke to Yeul's soft whimpers. The first thing she became aware of was the tight, rough cuffs that bound her to a stone table beneath her. She immediately struggled and writhed in vain. All she did was begin to cause the binds to rip into her skin.

"Stop, Zalera! It won't help."

Jerking her head in Yeul's direction, her fear only increased. Yeul was tied up similarly to her right, a fresh bruise clinging to her cheek. Flaring anger coursed through her causing her to only struggle more. She was supposed to protect Yeul. How could she lead her into this? "Everything's going to be all right, Yeul. I'm going to get us out of here." She lied to her, unknowing that it was a lie for she thought, at the time, that it was the truth. She really thought that she could get them out. Because when it came to protecting Yeul, she couldn't fail.

Yeul nodded as a tear fell down her cheek. "Okay," she whispered with a small smile, knowing well what would happen to both of them. Etro had allowed her to see. She knew. Even if all she had seen was a glimpse, she knew what their future would hold.

A new voice filled the room as a man descended the stairs. A man they would later come to know as Barsilisk, a leader of a band of barbaric l'Cie. "How sweet. It's a shame my wife couldn't be here. She always took more pleasure in this than me. I always found this as more of a job." A smile was present on his face, confident, yet weak.

The first thing Zalera took note of was the brand on his neck. This meant that their fate was most likely tied to some focus of his. "What do you want from us?"

Folding his hands behind his back, he drew closer. "From you, nothing. But from her... she is everything we want." He closed in on Yeul until he was standing above the trembling girl whose eyes did not waver off of Zalera.

The green-haired woman thrashed against her binds, feeling more furious and deathly afraid by the minute. "You stay away from her, you sick bastard," she snarled at the man.

"You don't even know me."

"You killed off our tribe, kidnapped us, and have us strapped to tables. In what way does that not make you a-" And that's when she felt all of the air suddenly slip from her lungs. She could no longer breathe and she found herself struggling for an entirely different reason than to escape. She needed to breathe. Since the man had his arm in the air, his hand in a gloved fist, it wasn't hard to find the cause. An interesting thing, though, was that it seemed that he didn't find pleasure in harming Zalera as he was grimacing.

"Stop! Stop," Yeul cried. Tears flooded her cheeks as she stared wide-eyed at her protector. "Please, stop." Her eyes finally met the man above her as she plead for him to allow Zalera the simple right of air.

Barsilisk obliged and released the warrior from his magic. He sighed as she took gulps of breaths and her body began to relax. The guardian was an effective tool after all. "This will go much faster and be far less painful if you answer my question now. Where are the crystals?"

Yeul swallowed. She anticipated the question thanks to her visions, but it didn't make this situation any easier. For she also knew his next move when she would refuse to answer. "I can't. I won't betray the goddess. I won't betray the people of this planet."

Zalera was momentarily confused until she remembered past conversations with Yeul about her visions. They were talking about the gods' crystals. Crystals no one would search for with good intent. Yeul knew their locations and she wouldn't tell a soul... if she could help it. Before she could speak, a surge of thunder magic shot through Zalera.

"Are you sure?"

Yeul looked into Zalera's pained eyes. "I'm sorry, Z."

Mustering up her strength, she nodded. "I know." She understood. Yeul had a duty to Etro and to humanity. And Zalera had a duty to Yeul. She would endure, for her.

---

"It wasn't long after that when the torture started. It was mainly one man, Sebastian, who would torture us. He would use his powers, weaker than Barsilisk's by far, but still very powerful. He shocked us, burned us... he enjoyed every minute, you could tell. His favorite times were when he wouldn't use his powers at all. He would beat us and strangle us and... The worst was when he would use the knives. He carved into us relentlessly and all we could do was scream." Rubbing her palm into her eye, Zalera cringed at her next words. "I could stand the torture. But I couldn't stand hearing her scream. Watching them do all of those things to her. I begged her to tell them. I wanted her to be free whether it meant her being released or even... but she wouldn't."

Lightning kept her head down as she sat there, taking it all in. The woman had been through a lot. She couldn't imagine being in Zalera's position if Hope had been Yeul.

"In the end, they won the battle and she gave them the information. I assumed it was after they had beaten me into a pulverized mess until I lost consciousness, because when I awoke, she was gone and Castea stood over me, her grin wider than any I'd seen." Zalera opened her eyes and looked over to Lightning. "And soon after was when they brought in Hope."

The soldier shook her head slowly, trying to grasp at everything the woman had endured. "But-"

"No," spoke Zalera solemnly. "If it's about Hope, I can't-"

"What's going on with him now?"

Zalera released her grip on the chakram, her hand protesting its movement, and locked her hands together on her lap. "You mean when he tenses up and seems like he's somewhere else? When your voice can't even reach him and he seems to be filled with fear or pain?"

Nodding, Lightning added, "And how do I help him," while her eyes bore into the warrior's.

"It's most likely strong flashbacks. His mind is trying to deal and it may be hard for him to differentiate between his past in the Ark and reality."

Swallowing the information, she turned to the woman with one last question. She had many more, but she figured she had already asked enough of Zalera. "How do you go on? How do you continue to live after everything that happened?"

"For a while I didn't know how to. I prayed for days after Yeul's death for something to end my suffering. But after Hope came and we began to depend on each other and I learned more about him, I decided that I would find a way to protect Hope and the crystals. I owed Hope for saving me and I knew he would need help with protecting the crystals from future evil beings." She cautiously cast her eyes over the girl's form. "I know he already has a protector, but I thought... that it wouldn't hurt."

Lightning knew this was Zalera's way of asking permission. Permission to also remain as a guardian of sorts over Hope. She could see it in the warrior's eyes. See that fear that she may actually say no. That Lightning might take away her one reason to go on. But she would never do that. She smirked in Zalera's direction. "Hope can be a handful and I guess I could use the help."

---

"I still don't understand how he got this way." Hope stood with his side leaning against the wall, arms crossed. Nivien still wasn't completely sure what Cass was into but she was sure it was trouble. From his secrecy, to his avoidance of her and his astounding ways of losing her while she was tailing him, she knew he was up to something. And Hope was now only more frustrated.

Nivien stepped towards him until she was about three feet before him. "You said he was bullied before the fall?"

Hope sighed. "We both were. And I guess I get that he could be trying to prove that he can handle danger and bad guys now or that this could be entangled with losing his mom or even us, but why can't he at least... I don't know, talk to us about it? Or even to Kori? I just don't get it..." Raking his hand through his hair, Hope grew confused by his friend's silence and odd new expression.

Being so close to Hope after so long, Nivien couldn't stand it anymore. She wanted to be with him again. Even if he had broken her heart and blatantly ignored her afterward, she stupidly still felt the urge to be with him. As much as she cared about Cass and wanted to make sure he was okay, her diligence and determination in watching out for him was mostly for Hope.

"Hope, I..." She drew closer to him as he came off the wall. Her hand reached up to caress his cheek, but Hope grabbed her wrist and stopped its ascent.

"Please don't, Niven." He pleaded with his eyes for her to stop. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't be with her anymore. He had never truly loved her the way she loved him, for he had found that he had, and probably always would carry a torch for Lightning. A terrible thought roamed into his head as he thought about his place with Lightning. He probably felt the same way towards Lightning that Nivien felt for him. And her reaction would probably be the same as his now, refusal to reciprocate.

Immediately backing away, she apologized and thanked the Maker when there was a knock on the door.

Hope sighed and gave Nivien an apologetic look before addressing whoever it was asking for entrance. "Yeah?"

Lightning came in a moment later and Nivien didn't waste another minute before saying her goodbyes and exiting. Throwing a questioning glance toward Hope, she found her curiosity growing as he just shook his head, wanting her to leave it alone. But she didn't let her thoughts remain on the lieutenant for long. Instead she turned her attention to Hope. There were still so many lingering questions that were begging to be answered, but her thirst for knowledge about the Ark had temporarily been quenched. Her everlasting worry about him and his state of mind, however, had only grown. So, determined to address the fact that she wanted to find a way to help him through whatever was going on in his head, she stood before him.

But as his eyes found hers, she found them staring at her in an intriguing manner. A way she had never seen the young man look at her in all her time with him. Before she could utter a word, Hope spoke.

"I want to thank you, Light. I want to thank you for being patient with me. I know I've been off since I got back, but please know that my hesitation in telling you is not about you." Two seconds of her being in the room and Hope had practically read her mind. She was going to say something about wanting to help him through his post-torture problems whether he told her of his time or not, but she had already helped. "I know you want to help me through everything, but you are already helping me. Just by being here for me and waiting for me to tell you. By allowing me that small amount of space while still staying close and watching over me."

Guilt. That was all she felt as she listened to him. Guilt. And a strangely warm sensation at the intensity of his stare and the strength and sincerity of his words.

"I could have never made it this far in my life without you. You know... when I was running here, with Zalera slowly dying in my arms, I began losing hope. I found myself floundering to stay strong and I was struggling to keep moving forward. I was losing my fight. My fight to survive. But just as I thought that I couldn't continue, I remembered something. I remembered the words of a very brave soldier and those words helped me move. They helped me find my way back here. 'Fighting without hope is no way to live, it's just another way to die.'" Hope bit his lip as Lightning stared at him dumbfounded. He didn't dare bring up the dozens of times he had given up hope, given up life, and chosen death. The many times he'd begged for the sweet salvation. He would never tell her that. "You have helped me in more ways than you can imagine, Light."

Lightning swallowed. She was in complete awe at the young man before her and the fact that in a couple minutes of conversation, he'd managed to erase so much of her worry and fill her with such strange feelings. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and her stomach was doing odd flip flops. These sensations and feelings only increased as he gently took her forearm in his hand before placing his other hand on top of it.

All her previous talk of scars earlier had led him to thinking about the ones still very prominent on her skin. Having practiced with his magic quite a lot over the past two weeks, Hope was confident that at least his healing spells were up to snuff. So as he looked down at her left forearm, he decided it was about time to erase that burn scar that still lingered there from the day he went missing.

He smiled as the familiar green glow flowed from his hand and into her skin, taking the mark away with it. "There, that was never supposed to be there in the first place." Looking up back into her eyes, he saw her same stunned expression remained. He was a little nervous at her lack of response, but was very happy she had yet to scold him for anything. So, with this in mind, he knelt down in front of her right thigh and repeated his process of healing her scars, these being the gargonopsid claw marks. And again, he healed another scar on her shoulder, caused from what, he didn't know. Only this time, as he drew his hand back, he found himself leaning into her and laying a soft, gentle kiss over the mark's previous spot.

Drawing back, Hope blushed. He wasn't sure why he'd just done what he did, he only knew he would probably be getting his lights knocked out in the next few seconds. Rubbing the back of his head, he chuckled nervously. "Sorry," he whispered.

Her mind was blank, thoughtless. She didn't even know what to think if she could. Did he really just...? She was completely unsure of how to move forward. Every cohesive thought was lost. As she had felt his lips on her shoulder, she had turned to jelly and her mind had turned to mush. It was as if this young man had turned this strong, stoic soldier into a puddle on the floor.

As she stared at him, it was like she was seeing him in a new light. His wondrous words were still running through her mind. Her eyes were staring into his and she could have sworn that she'd never seen a more mesmerizing sight than those amazing emerald orbs. She could smell his fresh scent lingering in the air and it traveled straight into her heart that was now pounding so fast that she was sure she would keel over of a heart attack any minute. His touch had left her skin all tingly and warm, begging for his caress to return.

His face was only inches from hers now and as she noticed this, her gaze dropped to his lips. Lips that held such a perfect pout. Lips that were parted as if in an open invitation. Lips that had just been on her skin. Try as she might, Lightning couldn't tear her eyes away from those lips. They called to her. It was like a strong siren song played in her mind and drew her towards them. Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned in and brushed her lips against his.

It lasted all of four seconds before she retreated back quickly, staring at him with a shocked look he could have sworn mirrored his own as if she was just as stunned by her actions as he was. Their eyes were wide, cheeks turning a deep red, as their hearts had briefly stopped beating. It had caught him completely off guard and he couldn't seem to comprehend what had happened. Blinking, he struggled for a response that was just out of reach. Even the simple and usually automatic response of kissing back was eluding him. She just... As he began to finally come out of his stupor, he looked up just in time to see his door slam shut. Lightning was no longer standing in front of him. He had missed his chance to react. He had missed his chance to kiss her back.