A/N: Hey, this would be Spaz's friend. I'm Alex. She's been down with her chronic stomach illness for the past week or so. She asked me to post this for her so... here I am. This chaps been done for a while, but she hasn't been able to go near a computer to post. Her illness has me scared out of my mind so please, be wishing her well. And review please, she loves reviews. She's an epically amazing writer, but I don't think she trusts my slightly biased opinion. Also she was wondering if anyone would want a chapter in the future about Hope's past before Light woke up? It would be a bunch of flashbacks with things like him waking up from stasis, his first meeting with Nivien, his past with his dad, more of his not-so-subtle pining for Light... I think it would be awesome, but naturally she'd like more than my opinion. I'm just a dumb guy right? Who needs my input? Anyway... later... I guess... Oh and the reviewer response was still done by her...
Reviewers-I hope you guys don't mind me responding to all reviews here, rather than PMing some. It's easier for me to reply to all of them together.
danielhappyg ( chapter 13 review) – Very happy you liked the chapter. And I know, I put Hope through such turmoil all too often. :( As for Castea, well...
The Light to all Fears – I love your reviews. I just had to say it. They're long and you always have such great input. As for Light seeing Hope's torture, that is a great idea. One I may have already considered and I may or may not be thinking of doing something along those lines ;) I hope this chapter is as good as the last one too.
unclejoex3 – Thanks so much. Both scenes were rather troubling for me. I wasn't sure how to have the Zalera and Light conversation go since their interaction has been minimal and this was their first real one on one, but I think it wasn't too shabby.
Guest – Aw, you're too sweet. I'm glad you're liking this so much. Yes, Nivien and Kori most definitely need to back off. Hope is Lightning's :D Emotional Lightning was very interesting and quite challenging to write, but I hope I didn't do too bad. Though I was overjoyed to finally let them kiss, even if it was slightly less satisfying than imagined. Hopefully I made up for it in this chapter...
anon – Trust me, no one's been more eager to have them kiss than me. I've been wanting to give Hope his opportunity for months and look what he does... just stands there and let's her run off. Let's hope he takes your advice and goes after her.
Guest – Yes, bad Hope. Very, very bad Hope. And I know, I actually watched this happen to a friend once, it didn't turn out too well for him in the end. Thankfully, I've never been too stunned to respond to a kiss before. But have faith in our couple. Things might turn out all right.
Nightsparrow15 – You spoil me with reviews like this, you know? I'm seriously flattered. I'm overjoyed that you like the story so much even though the torture was a bit harsh. It wasn't pleasant for me having to write out Hope's torture. He has turned out to be quite the ladies man, hasn't he? But he only has eyes for Light :) I'm glad to hear you've taken a liking to Nivien. I know she's a natural rival to Lightning for obvious reasons, but I hope to still keep her likeable. And yup, Hope has failed us all. Let her slip through his fingers. Major face palm on his part. Don't get me started on XIII-2. I can't even believe-no... just no. Too terrible for words. P.S. I like long reviews :)
READER– Good to hear this brought you so much happiness. I'll try to work on shortening the sad list.
Guest– Aww, you're making me blush. Very glad to know it's so wonderful.
LightningFanatic- I try to update as quickly as I can. But I shall try harder :)
Wee. doctor- Well, welcome aboard. Thanks :D
Ototoi no Asa- Super awesome that you're learning from my fic. Brings me joy. I wasn't actually planning on having Lightning ask Zalera about the torture, but I had to have Light's determination lead her somewhere. And it allowed me to add in some of Zalera's past. Yes, let's hope Light doesn't run too far. Hope needs to do something ASAP. I'm ecstatic that you think so highly of the fic. As for the 95, yes it's my birth year, but no that's not the reason for it being in my pen name. Trust me, It's not so much talent as practice :)
Revised: August 2015
The run from Hope's office to her apartment was a blur. Her shaky hands fumbled in her pocket for her key, her body and mind still in complete shock over what had just transpired. By the time she'd made it into her room, she felt like her heart was about to shatter. She couldn't begin to comprehend her own actions and how they had led her to such a state of devastation.
Her back slid against her door until she sat against it, her breathing starting to calm and her mind attempting to think. She ran over the span of events that had just previously occurred, paying attention to each tiny detail, each small feeling, so she could understand why she would make such a stupid, irrational move.
It was wrong of her, she knew it. Making such an impulsive move, free of thought, contradicted who she was and how she normally acted. But somehow she'd gotten so caught up in her emotions and every incredible thing that was Hope Estheim, that she couldn't ignore the need to be close to him. The need to feel his lips on her again. The need to feel.
That was it, she had allowed herself to feel, to get too close. And look what happened. Hope hadn't kissed back, not even a little. He made no move to reciprocate any such feelings and it confused her. Everyone had told her that Hope felt for her in that way. It made sense and had been evident in his actions. He was always there for her. He was always initiating close physical contact from hand holding to hugs. He'd said such amazingly sweet words and then... He kissed my shoulder. What the hell was that about if not a sign that he held the same feelings? Maybe she'd imagined it. Maybe she'd just imagined that wondrous sensation of his smooth lips on her skin. That was the only way she could rationalize his reaction to her rash actions.
Lightning shook her head as she tried to just forget about it. Maybe if she just laid the incident to rest, Hope would as well and they could forget the exchange ever happened. No. He's probably disgusted by me now. I mean how can I have feelings for little Hope? How could I have possibly wanted to taint our innocent bond that we share? Nothing can ever go back to the way things were. Not now that he knows that I... that I know he doesn't... that I know how much I truly care for him... There was no going back now and the realization of this began to cause the world to crash around her. This was exactly why she thought before acting. Moves like this ruined things, and she couldn't help but think that she had just ruined the best friendship she'd ever had.
As she delved deeper into her own self-beratement and soon to be depression, Lightning found her thoughts lingering on the kiss. It had been a quick, chaste kiss, that could hardly be called a kiss at all, but it still astounded her. That kiss had been one of the longest, most terrifying, and most incredible moments of her life. In that moment, where her lips had felt the sweet friction against his warm, soft ones, it had seemed that time had stopped and those four seconds were reserved for them and them alone. She knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that she cared for him as much more than a friend. And it crippled her to know that he didn't feel the same.
Sitting there, Lightning thought back in her life. She tried to find a time where she had ever felt this indescribable feeling. Only one time came to mind. She had been fourteen, just a few weeks before her mother had collapsed, showing her first signs of illness. It was back when she was still a kid, a lovestruck teenager, to be more precise. Back when she was full of innocence and before death and war had had a chance to strip her of it.
His name had been Carver Eidleston. She had had a crush on him for weeks and one night, in the dog days of summer, he had kissed her. It had been her first kiss and was eerily similar to the one she'd just given Hope. Difference being, she'd kissed him back. Her first kiss soon turned into her first make out before her sister came out and interrupted. Serah was giggling hard and immediately started teasing her blushing older sister.
They'd dated for awhile, Lightning feeling like all was right in the world, that she was the luckiest person alive. That was before the night she'd come home from her second date with the boy and found her mother passed out at the bottom of their stairs.
Her mother was admitted into the hospital after that night and would soon never see the outside of those hauntingly white walls again. As she soon realized that she needed to take care of her sister and be there for her mother, Lightning broke up with Carver. She didn't need the distraction.
Lightning felt odd thinking about the boy now. It had been a silly teenage romance that had been such a miniscule part of her life. But he had been the only boy she had ever been close to. He had been the only boy she had let in. That fact had actually made him a huge part of her life. But even so, though her feelings for him at the time had seemed to dominate her world, she had merely been infatuated with him. Her feelings for Carver were nothing compared to her feelings for Hope. This was so much more than a little crush or a mere infatuation.
She should have learned from her experience with Carver. Guys had no place in her life, in her heart. All they did was mess her up, make her sloppy, and distract her. Who's to say that if she hadn't been so busy in her little teenage bliss that she wouldn't have noticed something wrong with her mother and have been able to prevent her death?
Standing up, Lightning pressed her fingers to her lips, still reveling in the lingering feeling of her and Hope's gentle touch. She wanted desperately to escape this feeling of torment, to rewind and take back that kiss that would change their relationship forever. Yet, she didn't. That kiss meant everything to her now. It filled her with such joy and she wanted nothing more than to experience more kisses and more intimate things with the man that occupied her thoughts more often than not. But she couldn't. He hadn't responded. He didn't want to be with her. Simple as that.
Maker, stop it, Lightning. You're a soldier. You're an emotionless, battle hardened soldier and no man can do this to you. Not even Hope. As she began to finally fall back into her usual cold, collected self, she found her heart racing at the pounding on her door and the man just behind it.
Panting, Hope slid to a stop in front of her door, praying that she was there and hadn't run off somewhere too far away in order to avoid him. He needed to tell her, to make her understand his stupidity and how much he truly loved her even though he'd failed to show her proof of such feelings. Raising a gloved fist, he knocked tiredly on the door, having expended his strength in his mad haste to catch her. "Light?" Please be here. As he heard a small gasp from the other side of the annoying barrier, the young man found a smile creeping onto his face. "Light, please let me in." His key could open any door in the building, but as much as he wanted to bust right in and tell her of his undying love for her, he held himself back, granting her space and allowing her to make the decision of seeing him or not. Holding his breath for her to say something or make any sort of indication she'd heard and was processing his words, he bit his lip as his leg nervously began to shake.
As she heard him ask to be allowed entrance, she could hear the pleading tones in his voice. She didn't understand it. He didn't want to be with her, so why would he run after her? Why add insult to injury? Seeing as she could still hear his ragged breath and could imagine that he wasn't going away anytime soon, she let out a resigned sigh. "What do you want, Hope?"
Hope cringed at the iciness in her voice, but was slightly intrigued by the timidness that was present as well. "You know what I want. I want to talk. We need to talk-"
"Just forget about it. I don't know why I even-"
"Yes, you do," Hope hastily replied, getting further irritated with the door before him as he craved to see her. He needed to speak with her face to face. He couldn't tell her through a door. "Light." Her name fell from his lips in a pained whisper. "Don't do this. Don't be a coward, Farron." He smirked slightly as he could imagine her reaction to his words. He would probably pay for it later, but if it got her to open the door then... "You don't just kiss me and run away and pretend that nothing happened. That's not the soldier I know. The Lightning I know doesn't run from anything." He pursed his lips as he rested his forehead against the wood, his hands grasping the door frame at the sides of his head.
Lightning shook her head at his words as she choked on the fact that he really didn't know her at all. Oh, how wrong you are. Choosing to focus on the fact that Hope had mistaken her confusion, embarrassment, and shame for cowardice, she snapped at him. "You've got a lot of nerve saying something like that to me."
Chuckling softly before sighing, Hope's hands slid down to his sides before he stood up. "Please let me in." A few torturous moments passed where he had almost succumb to the thought that he had screwed up in an unfixable way that would haunt him for the rest of his surely lonely and miserable life before her door opened.
Deciding to face him and get the answers she was seeking, she turned the knob and let the door open itself as she walked away to the kitchen, putting off looking directly at him. She heard him enter slowly, almost cautiously, before shutting the door quietly. Turning around, she leaned herself back on the front of the counter, eyes trained on the floor.
Seeing as she was avoiding his gaze, Hope went over to her, but stayed a comfortable distance away, though his body screamed to touch her. He sat on the side of the couch on the arm rest, facing her. Biting his lip, he fought to find the words that should have come so easily, but clung to the unreachable recesses of his mind. Although he wanted to avoid sitting in what had to be the most awkward and uncomfortable silences of his life, he wanted to bypass the jumbled mess of an apology and confession that threatened to tumble out of him like word vomit.
Tapping her foot as her nerves and impatience began to get to her, she still refused to look at him. She was afraid of what she would see on him. But as the silence continued on, she found herself having to restrain her eyes from looking at him. Okay, I opened the door. I let you in. Speak, dammit, before I- She jumped slightly as he cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry."
It was a soft, barely audible whisper, but she'd heard it and still struggled to understand what he wanted. That's your big explanation? Well... it should probably be me that clears the field. I am the one that... kissed you.
Sliding his hand down his face, he looked up at her, hoping to find his strength in those gorgeous azure eyes as he usually could, but they were magnetized to the floor. "Please look at me." He watched as she squeezed her eyes shut and her hands that were at her sides, gripping the counter her back was leaning against, grasped the wood tighter before she let out a slow steady breath, her gaze finally catching his with a blank look.
He smiled at her attempt to hide her inner thoughts and feelings from him. He knew her far too well for her mask to work on him now. Swallowing harshly, he readied himself for his next words. "I love you."
She stared at him. The blank stare that remained caused him to wonder if she'd heard him. But soon her stoic expression turned to one of almost feral confusion. He waited for his words to properly seep in and for a response to come. When he was sure that he wasn't getting one, he rubbed his hands on his thighs while standing. Giving her a determined, yet gentle and tender look, he repeated himself, finding no other way to explain himself to her. "I love you, Light."
He... loves me? I don't... Feeling quite overwhelmed by his words and this sudden turn in events, Lightning let out a shaky breath, unsure of what to say or how she should even feel. Yes, she had kissed him. Yes, she had expected some sort of immediate response other than his look of complete shock that she'd obviously mistaken for terror and disgust. But this isn't exactly what she'd had in mind. Truthfully, she wasn't quite sure what she'd expected, if she'd expected anything at all. Her kissing him had just happened. It was a sudden action her body had forced her to make before her mind had had a chance to register what she was doing.
Of course when she had been freaking out mere minutes ago, all she could think about was the fact that he hadn't reciprocated and what that meant for their future as friends. She hadn't given any thought or ever entertained the idea of what it would mean if he had responded. Since he was now, in fact, confessing his love for her, this now left her with one dominating question. Where do we go from here? I don't know if I'm ready... I'm not ready for this. She knew she cared for him deeply and wanted to be with him in ways she had never wanted to be with anyone before, but... love...? Could I even...
Her silence stretched on and almost completely unnerved him, but he continued, taking this opportunity to finally tell the soldier how he had felt for her for so many years. She had had enough courage to kiss him and he had been a complete dunce in letting his chance slip passed him. He wasn't going to waste another minute. He didn't want to freak her out and overload her with his feelings, however. He had to find just the right way to phrase it. Unfortunately, Hope was finding this task to be extremely difficult in the face of this picture of faultlessness before him. "And I know that... it's... that's a bit much for you right now and I know that you're not ready for such a... commitment, but that's okay." As he continued with his words, internally terrified at her coming response, Hope slowly took her hands in his, noting the limpness in her digits, and laced their fingers together. Their gazes locked and he hoped that this wasn't too much for the soldier. "Just know that when you are, I am."
Heart fluttering at the contact and the way he'd so passionately and easily announced his feelings, Lightning fought to breathe. It was as if he'd waited forever to tell her. Chaos erupted within her as she pondered her next move. It was hard to grasp that this man, this sweet, gentle, caring man, this Hope before her, was in love with her. His lack of reciprocation before fell far into the back of her mind. Keeping her face carefully clear, she mentally cursed her treacherous body as her hands began to tremble in his.
"I figured this all out a while ago..." His expression turned sheepish, the words becoming much harder to release. "I'm ashamed to say it, but I knew it even while I was dating Nivien."
Her brow furrowed while she finally found her voice, masking her curiosity in harsh indifference. "Knew what?"
The biting tone threw him for a minute, but he plunged forward anyway. As evident by the kiss, he now knew that she at least felt something for him, even if she didn't show it now. This was Lightning's way of dealing with things. He knew that. Finding confidence in the fact that their hands were still carefully locked together, he continued. "That I had feelings for you. Strong feelings and they didn't go away. I thought, you know, that I-I..." One hand dropped from her as he ran it through his messy argentate locks and his eyes lowered before lifting back to hers with determination. "...that it was just a crush since you were so beautiful and strong and I looked up to you so much that I... but, no, those feelings stayed and they grew. I just thought that I had no chance. That you would never return them. I'd resigned myself to being your good friend, but I knew that I could never deny how much I care about you."
Throat dry, Lightning tried to respond, but couldn't, instead feeling a curious sensation like her heart thrumming harshly in her throat. This strange sensation was soon followed by another as she felt a serious warmth enveloping her lips.
He quietly gazed into her face awaiting a word, a gesture, a subtle facial twitch, but nothing came from the pinkette before him. Ignoring the gut-wrenching depression that threatened to tear him to shreds and the urge to run back to his office with his tail between his legs, Hope closed the distance between them. He muffled a small gasp from her as he sealed their lips together in a tender kiss and grasped her waist timidly in his hands.
On instinct, she went to punch him for the intrusion of personal space, only for her fist to quickly relax. This was Hope. How could she hurt him, especially when he was doing what she wanted? Even if she was loathe to admit it, this was exactly the response she desired, although a bit late for her taste. Her hand grabbed the collar of his jacket as her resolve melted and she kissed him back.
As her lips forcefully pushed back into his, Hope felt elated while taking in this enchanting moment fully. This should have been how their first kiss went, but at that moment, it didn't matter. He knew. He finally, truly knew that there was a chance for them to be together. He was older, stronger, far more capable of protecting her and making good on his promise. She was awake, no longer a crystal he frequently visited, but standing before him now, kissing him passionately.
Breaking apart from him while regaining her wits, she began worrying her lower lip. "This... isn't a good idea," Lightning whispered, her hand still clutching the fabric of his jacket.
A downtrodden look formed on his face as he fought against the disappointment in favor of inquiring why. "But... Light... I don't understand-"
Taking a few steps away from him, she began listing off the many reasons forming in her head. "Well, there's the age difference. You're my boss. I have to focus on protecting you..." She began gnawing on her lower lip painfully before carrying on, her voice lowering into a whisper. "... I'm not fit to love anyone... You deserve... someone who can love you openly..." Her gaze fell away from his as she confoundedly continued to let the brutally honest words flood from her mouth. Why can't I just shut up? "... and... I don't want to lose you."
A small smile tugged at his lips, eager to make an appearance as he felt his chest swell. "Light," Hope cooed. "I'm only two years younger than you now." He chuckled as he took a step toward her. "I'm everybody's boss. Does that mean I have to be lonely for the rest of my life?" His smile turned into a grin while he continued to pick apart her meager excuses before getting to the root of her reluctance. He took another step toward her, her eyebrows twitching as he drew closer and her arms now folding sternly before her. "You can protect me and be with me, too." Another step. "You are perfectly capable of love. You just have to allow yourself to." Another step and another twitch of the brow. "I know what I want, regardless of what you think I deserve. And I want to be with you." She grimaced as he took yet another step forward, placing him mere inches from her. He gently took a hold of her chin and tilted her head up to meet his gaze. He waited patiently to continue until her eyes met his, the sight effectively taking the breath from her. "You won't lose me, Light. I'm not going anywhere. You couldn't lose me if you tried." Prying her lower lip from her teeth, Hope sucked on it before Lightning pressed herself back into him, meshing their lips together and putting her arms around his neck.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, reveling in each others touch and the captivating sensation of their lips being locked together. Slowly and a tad reluctantly, Lightning pulled away from him, conflicting emotions dancing in her eyes. Hope heeded all of the built up hesitation and confusion that still held her back from him. He wanted to continue, to just ignore her doubt in favor of enjoying the touch he'd waited for for so many years. Instead, he surrendered to her pause, stepping slightly away from her. He kept his gaze to the floor until he shook off the disappointment and replaced it with a small smile of contentment. "You need time."
Lightning kept her head down, her bangs obscuring her face from view. She couldn't control her stubborn emotions and thoughts that intriguingly hungered for him. Her fingers twitched in his direction, wishing to pull him back as he backed off, but she restrained herself. He was right, she needed time. She needed to figure things out because as it was, she wasn't sure of herself, let alone this new development in their relationship. She'd broken from the kiss because she needed to think. And even though Hope was being kind and gracious enough to allow her space, this only made her want him more. As much as she wanted to give in, she still felt a strong urge to resist.
"I can..." A sigh escaped him as he struggled with the words he forced himself to say. "You should take tomorrow off... and tonight, as well. Just think about it, please?"
Her head snapped up at the hint of begging in his voice and she melted at the sight of the silverette's token kicked puppy look. That's really unfair. Lightning didn't want to leave him in the hands of some incapable sissies while she took time to think, though. "And who will take my place?"
She's really considering it. "I'll talk to Zalera or..." He was about to suggest Nivien until he remembered their earlier conversation. The soldier raised her brow, a cue for him to finish. "I'm sure Z won't mind."
Lightning sighed in response, but silently agreed. She had just spoken with her and found that 'Z' was extremely dedicated to protecting Hope. Even though she had yet to see the warrior in action, from seeing her, speaking with her, and hearing about her from Hope, Lightning knew she was fit to protect him. It was only for a day, anyhow. Until she could get her head on straight. "All right."
Zalera woke up to the unfamiliar sight of red fabric above her head. It was startling and unsettling at first until she remembered that she had spent the night in Lightning's new room in Hope's house while the soldier opted to stay at her apartment. When Hope had asked her if she could take over for Lightning for the last of the night and the next day, she'd been suspicious. The two had been practically inseparable since he had made his way back. Then that suspicion turned to concern when the girl wasn't even going to remain in the same house as him. Zalera contemplated why they were outright avoiding each other until she felt a tad uneasy. Maybe she shouldn't have told Lightning that story. If that was the root of this current problem, then she felt mighty guilty.
Meandering downstairs, she found Hope already up, dressed and in the kitchen, a cup of coffee laying in front of him on the counter. As she approached she noticed that his vision was locked on his forearm. He held it in his other hand, the sleeve tugged down, leaving the skin exposed. At first, the green-haired woman thought he was staring at his brand, but it was the wrong arm and his gaze was transfixed by his wrist as he cuffed it in his hand's grip, circled by his thumb and forefinger.
It became clear after a few moments. He was thinking about the torture. The restraints that had held them down, to be more precise. Taking a deep breath and realizing that he still hadn't noticed her presence, she gripped his shoulder, waking him from his reverie.
Jumping slightly at the feeling, Hope turned toward the other occupant of the room, visibly frightened. He relaxed as he saw that it was only Zalera. Calm down. No need to alert her into all my crap, too. Allowing a polite, welcoming smile to cross his features, Hope ruffled his hair absently. "Hey, Z. When did you get up?"
"Just a bit ago. You okay, Hope?"
"Of course. What would make you think otherwise?" Picking up his mug, he took a swift drink of its contents before sneering at its bitter coldness and sticking it into the microwave.
Zalera shook her head before leaning her side against the counter. "You seemed out of it." The warrior yawned as she watched her friend's movements from the corner of her eye. "So... what's going on with the lightning bug?" She smirked at Hope's quirked brow and quiet chuckle. "I never did quite catch the details."
Snatching his cup out of the microwave, Hope brought it to his lips before pouring the coffee down the drain and leaving the glass in the sink. "She just needed some time to think about some things."
"I guess it was about time for the little firefly to take a break."
"You really don't know the 'firefly', huh?" The young man laughed briefly before turning toward Zalera. "You should get dressed, we have an exciting day to get started on," he spoke, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
It was tiring, but that was what she was aiming for. She'd been at it for a good few hours now. Lightning was currently taking out all of her frustrations and flustered emotions on the training dummies in the room. She had tried to sit and contemplate her feelings and recent situation with Hope, but it just wasn't working out. The soldier wasn't one to stay stationary, she had to do something. But Hope had been right about space. Even though she wanted to protect him and have that continual assurance that he was safe, she did need to have the proper time to think things over.
So now, she was training. She was exhausting herself physically by releasing all of her built up tension, and mentally and emotionally by considering how to move forward with Hope. Just thinking about him and yesterday's events caused her cheeks to flush and her heart to beat wildly. Which in turn caused her to grit her teeth, tighten her hold on her practice weapon and slam it harshly into the dummy, effectively getting the blade stuck in its poor foam side all the way to the hidden inner pole.
An amused snort brought the young woman out of her thoughts. She turned to find Rygdea chuckling silently to himself behind her. "Well, looks like somethin's got your panties in a twist." Walking towards the scowling soldier, the man smirked as he tapped the flat of a training sword against his boot. "Care to share, princess?"
Lightning scoffed as she jerked her weapon free. "Beat it."
The Calvary leader only smirked further. "Train, then? One on one?" His grin widened as Lightning stopped walking away, seeming to consider his proposal. "My usual training combatant isn't available, so the position is open for today."
The roseate entertained the idea for a moment, finding the idea of fighting and no doubt beating the man without the threat of punishment incredibly tempting. "And who deemed you a worthy opponent," Lightning jeered.
Rygdea rolled his eyes at her response, her mockery completely predictable. "La Salle and I usually train together in the morning. It's her brother's birthday, however, and she... well... it just made his absence all the more real and-" The man nearly fell to the floor after Lightning lunged toward him with her blade aimed for his chest and he caught her weapon with his own, unbalanced on his feet.
She smirked as she saw just how caught off guard he was as he held her attack. "Expect to have your ass handed to you."
Hope stared outside of one of the many Academy windows, eyes glossing over the city as his mind was still trapped in his possible future with Lightning. He had just come out of a meeting where he had handled some sort of affair with ease even though he had hardly been able to pay attention.
But could you blame him? Being with Lightning had been a dream of his for years and now it seemed much less like a hopeless fairytale and more like a possibility. Even after everything that had happened, all that they had been through, he may finally get some happiness.
He tried to not get his hopes up. He knew how tough this decision would be for the soldier and how likely it was that she would say no. In fact, there is probably a ninety-five percent chance she'll say no and it's stupid of me to even think that she'd ever say yes. Why would she want to be with me, anyway?
The silverette couldn't help it, though. He loved her. He loved her enough to tell her so. At least, when it all was said and done, he'd know that he gave it his all. The decision is now completely in her hands. This realization caused Hope to inwardly groan. It was hopeless.
How did this happen? That was a silly question. He knew exactly how it happened, when he first began to realize he felt more for his mentor than he should have.
Hope lay on his mat, the cool Pulse air drifting over him. All the others, save Lightning who stood watch, were asleep. Even in his tired state he couldn't sleep for his dreams were still dominated by his mother's death. He kept his eyes closed tight, however, feigning sleep. Lightning had been on his case lately about not getting enough rest. He protested to which she responded with a glare accompanied by a growl. He shivered inside, but stood his ground. When she brought up how useless he'd be in battle with the lack of sleep, he conceded. So it'd been the same since. For the last few nights he'd pretended to slumber, not only to keep out of arguing with Lightning, but to make her happy.
It had been a couple hours since they'd gone to bed. As he slowly began to drift off into the horrors his mind would throw him into, he heard quiet shuffling. Risking a peek, he saw Lightning standing over Snow, her back toward him. Opening his eyes fully, the boy saw that she was slowly and stealthily going through a pocket in his coat. After about a minute, she stood with an appeased sigh. She found what she was looking for, I assume. Lightning turned to look over the others. When her azure orbs flicked over to Hope, his eyes were closed, back 'asleep'. Hearing her retreating footsteps, Hope grew curious. However, he didn't dare look until he was sure she wouldn't see him. Hope opened his eyes to find the soldier nowhere in sight.
He wanted almost desperately to know what she was doing, where she'd headed off to. But should he risk it? If she found him awake and worse, snooping around in her business, it would not end well. For him and their friendship especially. He stood up ready to find her, but paused in his first step. Is it worth it? He'd grown fond of their whole gang, but Lightning was his mentor, his idol, his... goddess. As childish as the thought was, and as utterly embarrassing, it was true. She was like a goddess in his eyes. A divine being that could take on anything. A force that had no worthy opponent. Hope shook his head knowing those thoughts shouldn't exist at all. Mustering up his courage, he walked on, following her tracks.
It wasn't long until he heard soft whispering. Her back was toward him, thankfully, as she came into view. She was a little ways off, but he didn't want her to see him if she happened to turn around. So, he hid behind a tree. Yup, still hiding. Like the little kid I am. Leaning closer, but still out of sight, Hope noticed she was holding something in her hand. She seemed to be talking into it, so he strained his ears to listen.
"You know it wasn't only that, but I-ugh this is stupid. Moronic, actually. Talking into a crystallized teardrop? For the love of Etro, I've gone insane. Of course, your hero and the rest of the l'Cie are, too." Lightning snorted and turned. Hope could now see the side of her. As obvious by her conversation, she was speaking to Serah's teardrop. "I'm struggling, Serah."
Hope's brow furrowed as he took in those words. They held such emotional weight. Not only the words, but her tone and her expression. It was so new to Hope. Such despair and sorrow from Lightning, of all people. Yes, he'd seen her look a little lost and sad before, back in Palumpolum, but this... This is different. He knew there was a softer side to her, a side she reserved for him and him alone, but there's a difference between kindness and vulnerability.
"I thought I could do this. We're heading to Oerba, as I'm sure the lughead's already told you. But I don't think it's..." Her tone turned to frustration as a tear fell down her face. "I just want to save you, Serah. Why-" She choked on her words, a sob forming that she was refusing to let burst from her lips. The young woman remained quiet after that. Small tears fell and multiple sniffs and whimpers sounded from her as she tried to keep composure, most likely for the sake of her sanity and in her own denial of the act.
Hope stared, mesmerized by the shaking form before him. Never had he seen such emotion, such vulnerability from the woman. As he watched her slowly breaking down, he realized just how wrong he was. She wasn't some indestructible, unstoppable soldier. She wasn't a machine, uncaring of the world around her. She wasn't some goddess high on a pedestal out of anyone's reach. She was a person with her own troubles and sorrows. She was human.
Before, she'd appeared to embody the definition of strength, ferocity, confidence, everything he'd wanted to attain. This Lightning was shocking, but not unwelcome. This was a piece of her. No doubt a deep one. Probably the one that Serah knew. Maybe this was the real Lightning. The Lightning that wasn't Lightning at all. And even in this broken state, she couldn't have been more beautiful.
Zalera watched him from not far down the deserted hallway. Hope had been quite quiet and withdrawn throughout most of the previous meeting, while still managing to appear focused on the task at hand. She was concerned, to say the least. Saying nothing while he stared silently out the large window for fifteen minutes and during the hauntingly quiet walk to his office, Zalera found she couldn't stand to let this continue. It wasn't any of her business, but she felt the need to interfere.
"I need to speak with you." Hope casually looked up at her from a paper he was looking over. Zalera tried to smile through her uneasiness, but feared that it may have turned out looking more like a grimace. "I think I know why Lightning's been so distant." Her gaze turned to the floor as shame coursed though her. This whole space thing between Hope and Lightning was undoubtedly her fault and she needed to find a way to mend it. If Hope knew what was troubling Lightning, maybe he could help her understand and it would get Hope to finally open up to the soldier. A win win, right? "She was... was so desperate. I... I couldn't say no."
Alarms. Multiple alarms sounded off in Hope's head as he heard Zalera's words. "Couldn't say no to... what?"
"I told her... what happened. She was just so upset and lost and I just..."
Hope began to slowly rise from his chair as he could see just how guilty Zalera felt and he was slowly piecing together just what Zalera could have told Lightning that would make her so on edge. "You told her about-"
"About what they did to me." The young man's eyes widened, but Zalera shook her head while trying to explain that she hadn't betrayed his trust. "Not you. What happened to you is for you to tell. Not me."
Inwardly panicking, Hope cringed at what Lightning could possibly know now. He wanted to keep it from her, but it appeared that everyone just wanted to ignore that wish. "But our-our tortures were so similar. You basically told her what-"
Zalera did feel guilty, but she still felt justified. She hadn't given up anything about his time in the Ark, only hers and Yeul's "I purposely told her what happened to me, okay? I couldn't... I'm allowed to say what happened to me, right? I mean, it happened to me, too."
Hope heeded the anger in the others tone, but this news was devastating. He could imagine how Light would handle the details. Biting his lip, Hope fought the urge to be there for her, because he was supposed to be giving her space. "Dammit, Light."
"I'm sorry, Hope. I know I shouldn't have and I knew it was basically just the same. I don't know, I just-she was so... She begged me, Hope. She knew you weren't going to tell her and it was driving her insane. Her imagination was running rampant. I thought that maybe I could give her a little solace. Maybe what she knows now is worse or better, but at least it's solid. Not the bunch of different versions she was coming up with, but the real... I'm sorry, Hope. I thought that this would help, not... I didn't know that she would-"
"It's not your fault," Hope explained as he turned toward her. As he thought over the timeline of things, the fact that Zalera had only been with him since he'd last seen Lightning, he knew that he'd seen Lightning since she'd talked to Zalera. Judging by how she was in his office, before the whole kiss thing, she'd taken it rather well.
Zalera's brow crinkled as she stood beside him. "But-"
"When did you tell her?"
"Last night."
Hope sighed, but soon found a small smile gracing his features. "She kissed me. Last night. Right before I asked you to temp guard for me."
"That was shortly after I told her."
"Well that explains what she was originally going to say to me..."
She nodded. "But-"
Hope shook his head as he sat back down. "It's my fault, too. Her sudden... coldness. She kissed me and I didn't respond."
This thoroughly surprised her. Zalera could clearly tell how much Hope cared for the girl. "But you love her," she stated as she sat on his desk beside him.
"That's why I went after her. It was sudden and I was too stunned, too shocked." Running his hands through his hair, he found himself sighing once more. "But I collected myself and I ran after her. I told her that and I... kissed her and I told her that I loved her. So now... I guess now she's processing all of it. And I don't know how to help her do so."
Smiling down at him, Zalera put a hand on his shoulder. "She cares deeply for you, Hope. She kissed you." She chuckled as she imagined the event. The lovestruck Lightning kissing a stunned, unresponsive Hope. "She kissed you first. That says a lot."
"I just wish that she didn't blame herself so much-"
"Why didn't you tell her?" Hope looked up at her briefly before his gaze fell away. "About everything."
The young director cringed as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I can't, Z. I can't face it all again."
"But that's not all, is it? It's Lightning, isn't it. You don't want her to feel worse than she already does. To blame herself more."
Hope's eyes shot open and looked at the woman beside him with wonder. "How-"
"I've been in your shoes." She stood and walked towards the nearest bookcase, her hand lightly caressing the spines of its contents as she continued. "It was the same with Yeul and her original Guardian. She didn't need to know the gory details of what happened to him. She blamed herself already." Zalera then turned toward him, a book in hand that she flipped through, her hands trying to preoccupy themselves. "I can understand Lightning, though. If I hadn't seen what happened to Yeul... If I didn't know. I would have felt just like her."
"I wanted to protect her." He fisted his hand on his desk as he spoke with conviction. "For once... I wanted to protect her and not the other way around. But it seems that no matter what I do, she always ends up hurt."
Zalera slammed her book shut, drawing his attention. "She may be hurt, but at least she has you." Taking in a steady breath she set the book down before going back over to Hope and putting her hand gently over his gloved fist. "Yeul's death broke me, shattered me. I'm irreparable. But you two still have each other. Only you can fix her and only she can fix you."
The two panted as they stood on opposite sides of the room. Both were exhausted as they were preparing for the umpteenth round. Their bodies ached for a break, but both ignored their limbs' screams and cries. Lightning needed this release of frustration and tension, Rygdea could see it. Hell, he could feel it. And he had no problem helping her out. Even if she was unaware of his kindness. He had nothing to do with his time today, anyway.
Lightning grunted as she went in for an attack, a heavy swing headed for his weaker side. The blade caught his heel as he jumped away. He swung back mid jump, hitting her in the shoulder lightly before she parried his swing quickly, soon back flipping out of his reach.
A tired smirk formed on Rygdea's lips before he stood and launched towards the pinkette. Their blades clanged together as they held each others attacks back, a battle of strength and will soon forming. After a few agonizing minutes, with their muscles straining and burning, Lightning's foot began to slide as her boot was losing traction. Rygdea soon gained the upper hand. With her foot slipping, her body was slowly lowering, her knee almost hitting the floor.
A second too soon, the elder of the two eased up quickly and swung low to deal his finishing blow. It wasn't low enough, however, for as soon as his weapon left hers, Lightning ducked under his swing to deal her own attack. She lunged forward, sweeping Rygdea off his feet with her blade.
This move stunned Rygdea as he found himself hitting the hard floor, the air knocked out of him and his weapon out of reach. As his breathing reached normalcy, the man looked to where his weapon had run off to. His eyes zeroed in on it under his opponent's right foot, her staring at him with a look of satisfaction. "Okay, I surrender." He rolled off of his side, holding his shoulder as he'd landed on it rather harshly. "I concede to the Great Lightning Farron." Rygdea bowed before the victorious young woman as he chuckled.
She hmphed as she stood up straight, smirking at the man while wiping her brow. "It was a good fight," she relented.
"This is about Hope, ain't it," inquired Rygdea breathily.
Lightning wiped the sweaty pink tendrils of her hair out of her face as her jaw tightened. "I don't know what you mean." Turning away from him, she put her practice blade in its proper place before moving to exit the room.
"Don't give me any of that. You're here practicing when you'd usually be guarding Hope. And you're an exceptional fighter, I'll give ya that, but there was some serious strength in those swings. You're angry about somethin'. You two have a fight?"
Rolling her eyes, she turned toward him. "My reasons for taking a day off and for how I spend them are none of your business."
He threw his own weapon carelessly off to a corner, knowing someone else would pick it up later, and rolled his shoulder a bit, trying to loosen it and relieve some pain. "It is if it has to do with Hope. I care for his well being. I need to know... is something going on with him?" A look of grief and serious concern flashed over the young woman's sweaty features before disappearing, leaving an aggravated expression.
"He's very... he seems to be haunted by his torture. Which is no surprise, but it's getting worse. He has these... episodes and I don't know what to do for him." She crouched against the wall as she let out a frustrated sigh.
This news worried the Calvary leader, but he suspected that this wasn't what had the soldier leaving Hope's side. "And that's really why you're here?" His brow rose when he noticed her gaze burning a hole into the floor and a light pink dusting her cheeks. Some glee filled him as he thought about why the stern sergeant was blushing. "Or maybe you and he... shared a bit of a... heated moment?"
Lightning cringed as she could hear the devilish grin he was sporting though his voice. She glared at him, but it did nothing to the expression. "Does everyone know about his affection for me?"
The man shrugged. "Don't blame the kid, he's got it bad. Plus, you and I both know he couldn't hide his feelings if he tried. An open book, as always. But you... I was kinda worried you wouldn't feel the same... or want to. Looks like I sweated for nothing." His smirk grew as he knelt beside the aggravated young woman and nudged her shoulder. "So..." He wiggled his eyebrows for good measure, enjoying making Lightning uncomfortable. Maybe it was because she was so worn down, but she seemed to be much more forthcoming in her current state. He had yet to be threatened and if that wasn't a sign...
At this, Lightning groaned. "If it'll get you to leave and never speak about this again..." Maker, why Rygdea, of all people? "I'm making my decision." The man gave her a perplexed expression to which she obliged with an explanation. "Whether or not to... be... with him." She hung her head as he chuckled. He at least attempted to bite it back as his tongue was between his teeth.
"Here?" He gestured to the room. "Your making that decision while training? Well, I'm impressed that your at least considering it. I thought you would have flat out rejected him. Did he at least make a good case?"
She had to admit, he kind of did. His words, that kiss that felt so perfect, so right, that it was almost agonizing to pull away from, and then there was the confession. "He told me he loved me."
Rygdea whistled. "Man, that kid doesn't hold anything back. Shouldn't have expected anything less, though. He is crazy about you. Has been for years."
"How have I been so oblivious to it, then?"
"Well, in your defense, you have missed out on five years of his life. If I'm correct, it was probably within those five years that he first came to realize that he cared for you so much. It just grew from there."
Leaning her head in her palm, she stared at the floor, taking in every scuff mark since it was last waxed. "Yeah, he did say something along those lines. But how did you pick up on it?"
Getting sore in his crouched position, Rygdea sat against the wall as he recounted the first time he became suspicious of the young one's feelings toward the soldier. "There was one night... Bartholomew had called me." The man grimaced as he began. Just saying his friend's name made his heart ache. Almost as much as saying Cid's. He'd only managed to say his name a handful of times within the past six years, each time harder than the last. "He was concerned about Hope. He said his son hadn't come home for dinner, but had called and said he was fine. Hope had said he just wanted some fresh air and time alone. But there was something in the kid's tone that had alarmed Bartholomew. He asked me if I knew if there was anything bothering Hope or if I knew where to find him. I said I didn't, but offered to look." Rygdea remembered that night clearly. He'd been worried even though he knew Hope could probably take care of himself better than any other fifteen year old.
"After about an hour of checking the usual spots and his friends, I stopped and did some deep thinking. It took me a bit before I remembered something the kid had said earlier that week. Something about a certain soldier's birthday being that very day." A grin formed on his lips as he looked at the slightly surprised expression Lightning was trying to repress. "I knew then right where he was. He was in the stasis room... with his Light." Standing, Rygdea put his hand on her shoulder before she looked up at him. "And he was there that day every year after that."
Lightning watched Rygdea exit the room before she looked down at her hands. She ran over in her mind everything that had been said to her about Hope's interest and love for her, over everything he'd said. She thought about what he'd done for her, saving her, caring for her, giving her purpose. She thought about their interaction, holding hands, hugging, simple touches that sent shivers up her spine, kisses she found herself longing for. And of course, how she felt. Could she really try to love someone? Could they make it work with all of the obstacles in their way? Could Hope really be the one she gave her heart to?
Serah had asked her a question one day. 'Do you think you'd be happier if you found love, sis?' At the time, the question seemed so stupid, so pointless. The question had actually ticked her off in an instant. But that was mostly because she knew that Serah was truly happier. She had found love, or so Serah thought. That had been the root of Lightning's anger as she had sharply replied, 'Love and happiness are a joke.' Her sister had been so young, so naïve. But maybe that question wasn't as stupid as she had thought.
Because even just thinking about Hope and the night before made her heart soar.
No, I can't. It's just not right. She couldn't love anyone. She'd given up love long ago, decided that all it brought was death and heartache. The only person she could love anymore was Serah, who was currently a block of crystal. She couldn't bear it anymore. She had enough of love and its unwarranted consequences. Lightning would only lose those she loved, anyway. What's the point?
After battling with herself, going back and forth between yes and no, she'd finally had enough. This decision shouldn't be this hard. If I really loved him, wouldn't it be automatic? Wouldn't I know that I love him? The fact that I have to decide should be answer enough. A growl emitted from her throat as she found her chest tightening at the thought of saying no. Of giving up without even trying. But it would be for the best, right? For the both of them. She didn't want to hurt Hope, after all. It would only be worse for him if she went into a relationship with him unsure of how she really felt.
With all this in mind, Lightning left the training room. She had made her decision. She had made her decision and would now tell Hope. She nodded reassuringly to herself, hoping that she wouldn't regret this in the future.
Hope was standing in the library, looking out the large window, staring at the scene. Zalera and he had just gotten back to his house twenty minutes before, Zalera quickly jumping in the shower. The young director was left to himself, his thoughts wandering dangerously. At first, as he'd done many times before, he thought of the Ark. Of Castea and his torture. He threw all that out of his mind, trying to cover them with a distraction. His work was a good one, but that only saddened him and frankly made him depressed. Before the Ark, his work had revolved around the crystal mission. His hope was so high that thinking about it now hurt him terribly. Then there was his other usual distraction.
Light... But even she was causing him such turmoil. It wounded him a little, that she needed so much time to think it over. On the other hand, he would have thought that she would have said no outright, gotten angry, disgusted or maybe laughed at him, leaving him broken and incredibly emotionally marred.
A loud thump brought Hope out of his head. He turned as he thought it to have come from his dad's office. It's no longer his office, Hope. It's yours now... Hope didn't allow his mind to continue that, only walked into the room, his eyes roving over it entirely, wary of any danger. He immediately noticed a book on the floor that had fallen from the shelf. Walking over and picking it up, he looked it over briefly. As he went to put it back, he was stopped by a feeling. It was like he was sensing a presence in the room with him.
The door to his office slammed shut.
Hope immediately dropped the book, swinging around. His eyes widened as he took in the fact that Castea was on the other side of the room, directly across from him, very much alive. Her smile grew as she took in his frightened state.
"Hello, Hope," spoke a voice that had preoccupied his mind for far too long. Only this time, the voice wasn't inside his head.
He only stared at her, his eyes bugged out. Faintly, he heard Zalera call to him.
A chuckle bubbled up from her throat. "What's wrong, love? Not afraid of ghosts, are we?"
He squeezed his eyes shut, willing her image to disappear, hoping it was just another horrid trick of his mind. But as he opened his eyes, her form was still before him, that eery smirk still present on her face. "No, you aren't real. You-you can't be. You're-"
"Please, death can't touch me." Her gray eyes bore into his as she waited for him to make a move.
Zalera called to Hope again, sounding more frantic. Hope could hear her approaching, but for some reason, he couldn't find his voice to call out to her. The warrior finally found him, but as she turned the knob, she found the door wouldn't budge.
Castea looked to the door with amusement. The girl was a pain, but a pain that could be handled easily. She wasn't getting in until Castea allowed her to.
Yelling through the door, Zalera began slamming herself against it. "Hope, please, answer me! Are you okay? Say something!"
Coming to the realization that this was very much real, Hope decided he needed to quickly defend himself before she even had time to attack. He sent a powerful thundaga toward her, but it only bounced off of her protect spell.
Shaking her head, the woman's wolfish grin broadened. "You're strong, Hope. And getting stronger. But you're still not powerful enough to take me on, kid." With a flick of her wrist she sent a firaga toward the young man who had only had enough time to cast a weak shell before being hit full force.
He flew back into the bookcase behind him and fell to the ground, various volumes and tomes tumbling down upon him. The room was spinning, awash with growing dark spots. Her cackles danced around him, mocking him.
He wondered, in his last moment of consciousness, where he would wake up this time.