XIX: The Rising Sun

Sun: Joy, Success, Celebration, Positivity, Optimism

Reversed Sun: Negativity, Depression, Sadness

He manages to figure something out last night, and he isn't sure if he should really be happy about that or not.

Ryoji said that the Fall is unpreventable because Nyx herself is indestructible, but it's the wordings that strike him wrong. And after the talk with Yukari last night about Arcanas and things like that, his mind lands onto something that makes him realize that the way he phrased that sentence is what gives him an idea of what he has to do.

What if, instead of destroying Nyx, he seals her away instead? Would that stop the Fall from coming to pass?

He needs to know more.

He chooses to call Ryoji as soon as he's alone, standing in the empty Paulownia Mall, filled to the brim with the Lost. The sun has already set, and he told Yukari that he's just going to loiter around for a bit. Thankfully, she's planning on hanging out with the girls, so breaking away from them is quite an easy feat.

He speaks before Ryoji could as soon as he picks up. "Nyx is undefeatable, but is she unstoppable?"

A pause. "I'd rather talk about this with you in person than through the phone. It'll be a long one."

Reluctance in his voice. Pained, even. Makoto sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Naganaki shrine?"

"I'll be there. See you, Makoto."

He hangs up as quickly as he answers the call. He sighs and puts his phone away.

The walk towards Naganaki shrine is as quiet and cold as it could've been, with whispers of leaves and cicadas filling the night. He watches his own cloud of cold air leaving his lips as a distraction as he makes his way towards his destination, both hands tugged deep inside his coat, feeing the hard steel of his Evoker resting snuggly at his belt.

He hasn't planned on fighting Ryoji, of course, but he brings the thing along in case the Dark Hour begins before he could return. It's already 11 pm, so the hour is not that far off. He sighs as he ascends the cold steps, and as soon as he reaches the top, he spots the yellow scarf at the swings.

He allows himself a small smile as he makes his way towards his best friend (his strongest enemy) and sits down on the empty swing next to his Death as his sapphire blue eyes look up at the night sky, at the crescent moon above.

They stay silent for a while yet before Ryoji begins first, his voice soft. "It's been a while."

"Yeah," He hums, legs swinging the seat minutely. He lets himself relax. "How've you been?"

"…Could've been better, I suppose," He says. His eyes then come down to him, and he smiles, so kind, so sorrowful. "You still choose the same?"

"Yeah, because I can't—and I don't want to forget the bonds I've made. That includes us, Ryoji."

"I… see," He murmurs. "As stubborn as ever."

"Am I, now?" He chuckles.

There's another, slightly longer pause. After a while, Ryoji says. "So… have you thought up an idea? I'm still Ryoji, so I'll help however I can."

"How kind of you," He murmurs, closing his eyes, steeling his nerves. "…You said the Fall cannot be avoided because Nyx is undefeatable. What if Nyx is stopped? Would the Fall be halted, too?"

Ryoji stiffens a little at that. He then says slowly and carefully. "…It would."

"Then all I have to do is seal Nyx," He murmurs, and before long, he's catching Ryoji looking at him with such pained expression, and with a bit of fear in those pair of shimmering blue. Makoto has an idea why. "…Is it impossible, or just that the price is high, Ryoji?"

He jumps a little at that. As he thought, Sealing the Goddess of Death is still within the realm of possibilities. And he just knows what price he'll have to pay for that.

After a while, Ryoji lets out a long, shaky breath. "I've told you before, right? That you've already arrived at the Answer to Life, sooner than I could've known?"

"…Yes."

"You're more than qualified to obtain the miracle you wish for," Ryoji says, face softening slightly. "And I know you must've already figured it out, too, that the cost needed to perform such miracle—"

"—Is my life," He finishes. He's never been afraid of death. The only thing that's ever changed during his months at Iwatodai is his will to live, but he's still not afraid of his own demise, and he won't be afraid of it now. "Yeah. I already know that."

"But—are you sure?" Ryoji says, pleading. "You'll not just die. You'll be using every last scrap of your soul if you're going to seal a primordial god, the inevitable, like Nyx, away. You might have to suffer, alone, for an eternity!"

It's not hard to come to an answer. "I am."

At this, Ryoji's voice seems to break into tiny pieces, like glasses shattered by his resolve. "Why?"

Makoto smiles. Ryoji has stopped moving his swing for a while now, clearly distressed by the aspect of him dying and suffering. Even as enemies, he's still as kind as Makoto has always remembered. He takes a good, long look at his Death, at Mochizuki Ryoji, at his other self. Someone who knows sorrow better than anyone, and someone who loves life more than any living souls out there.

"…These people, these bonds, I want to protect them all," He says, eyes not moving away from the pools of sapphire that are pleading him to stop, to reconsider. But he doesn't need to. "Life is a very precious gift. To live is to bond, to connect, to give a part of you away. I want them to live, even without me, even if I have to suffer, because every life is in and of itself invaluable."

Ryoji looks like he wants to cry. "But so is yours."

"So is mine," He parrots. "But what's a suffering of one life in exchange for billions? Hell, even if it's only the SEES, or even one person, I'll be saving—I'd still do it in a heartbeat."

"Makoto, please—" Ryoji murmurs. "I don't want you to be in pain."

"Neither I you," He says, and the other looks up at him at that, surprised. "You're a dear friend, Ryoji. I don't want to fight you, either, but you're already chosen as an Appriser, and I can't allow you to complete your role. And trust me, I don't want to die. But my desire to see them live and prosper, to see the world blooms and blossoms, outweighs such things as fear of death."

Ryoji looks like he wants to say something, perhaps to dissuade him, or to console him, or something else entirely. In the end, however, he chokes his sobs back down and murmurs. "I'm sorry."

Makoto shakes his head. "You didn't choose this, you simply are. I hold no grudge against you."

Ryoji cries.

He finds himself before the door to the Velvet Room.

As soon as he opens it, Igor and Elizabeth both are smiling at him. He figures that they would know; after all, this place exists everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"You're the most remarkable guest I've ever had the pleasure to have, Makoto-san," Igor says as he bows his head ever so slightly. "You found your Answer to Life faster than I'd thought, and readily accepted whatever fate lies beyond your path. For that, I salute you."

He laughs lightly. "Is that so? Quite the compliment, coming from you."

"Your resolve is remarkable," Igor says. "And the miracle you seek is within your reach. I'll tell you about it when the time comes, but know that as long as you do not falter, the miracle will be yours to take and use."

"That's reassuring to hear," He says. "Well, I guess I'll have to make use of these last days of mine the best I could. I don't want to have any regrets."

"Then, please allow Elizabeth to accompany you for the night," Igor offers, and his eccentric attendant bows slightly. "She'd be most pleased, if you could show her around."

"Sure," He shrugs. The Dark Hour is almost here, so having the 'Ruler of Power' by his side wouldn't hurt. And to be frank, Elizabeth's eccentricity is actually entertaining.

He steps out of the Velvet Room with Elizabeth close behind. After a bit of standing there, unsure of what to do, his attendant comes into his field of view and smiles at him. When he blinks stupidly, she says, "I have not told you this before, but I found you quite interesting, Makoto-san."

"How so?" He says, gesturing for her to follow him as he walks out of the alley and towards the Mall at large, his eyes looking for something to entertain both himself and the attendant with. He ends up walking her to Club Escapade (thanks to a certain Tsundere, he can now drink here).

"Fate has always been cruel to you, yet you remain so kind. Why is that, I wonder?" She says as she follows him in. He seats himself at the far side table, and after a while, Elizabeth sits down with him.

"I'm not kind," He denies. It's two minutes until midnight. "I just don't want to see people going through what I had."

"Is that not your definition of kindness, though?" She asks, tilting her head slightly. Then, as if she's had her switch flipped, she smiles and claps her hands once. "But alas! We're here to enjoy our time, not to bore you with philosophy."

He laughs a little. She's a bit inattentive, when he thinks about it. "Alright. What do you want to do? You danced here last time."

"Hm, a question I cannot readily answer," She says with a finger to her chin, thinking. "But, I'd be most pleased if you can answer some of my questions for you."

"Questions for me?" He repeats.

"Yes. For instance; what does it feel, to know the closeness and the inevitability of your death?" She says, a cryptic smile on her face. "I've lived for eons, so the concept of life and death is a mystery to me. But from what I've always understood, most humans do not enjoy, or outright fear, the idea of their impending deaths."

…Huh. Yeah, he does know she's an immortal. Then again, she's also right. Most people would find that knowing their deaths are but a month away is terrifying. Most people wouldn't have been able to cope. And yet, when he thinks about it, he finds that he regrets some things he'll have to leave behind, but he doesn't regret choosing to die for something or someone else.

"…I don't fear it," He answers carefully. "But I do regret leaving. Death… I think it's just like sleeping, only that you close your eyes and not waking up again. I don't see the point of fearing it."

"I see," She hums. "So, for you, it's not death that bothers you, but the knowledge that you'll have to leave behind things unfinished."

He shrugs. "But I choose to die so they might live. After all, life is beautiful. If they get to see even one more day, then dying right here and now for their sakes doesn't sound so bad to me."

"Most people would've called that suicidal, even," She says with a chuckle. "But then again, it's not suicide if your death has a purpose."

"You think so?" He hums.

"From what I've heard from others, yes."

The Dark Hour strikes at this exact moment, turning the club eerie, the transmogrified people scattering across the dance floor. Elizabeth doesn't seem to care about the difference in the atmosphere, so he just shrugs. "From what Ryoji said, if I fail, we'll not live to see the next spring. But if I manage to pull off this miracle, I'll still not live to see spring, but they will."

"So it makes little difference to you in terms of your life, yes?"

"Kinda, yeah."

"Each human is so different I can understand one but not the other. How fascinating," His attendant hums, smiling radiantly. "I hope you'll be teaching me about your world during whatever free time you have left still. If you do not mind, of course."

"I don't," He says with a small chuckle. "Where do you want to go see next time?"

"Hmm," She seems to think over that question a bit more seriously than he thought she would. Then, "Maybe, if it's not too much of a trouble to you, your dorm?"

He winces. "I'll see what I can do about that."

He spends the rest of the Dark Hour talking about almost every nonsensical theories Elizabeth could have thought of.

And, to be fair, he finds the night quite entertaining.

Looks like he doesn't have to worry about them, now.

The SEES seems to have come to their own conclusions, if the lighter atmosphere and the resolute looks on their faces are anything to go by. He himself has the fortune to hang out with many of the members on multiple occasions, and to talk out everything with them. Each have their own reasons to live, to fight, and he's glad that they will. The future is theirs to make, and he'll make certain there is a tomorrow waiting for them.

The miracle can be obtained, but he knows not how. The best he could do is training both his mind and body and strengthening his resolve further. If it can be done, if sealing Nyx can truly end the Fall, then he'll acquire that miracle with his own two hands without fail. And since Igor said that as long as he doesn't falter, the path forward will still be opened to him, he at least knows that it can be done still.

After spending the next week or so talking, training, and understanding each other, he realizes that there is no way he'll back down from this, now. It's not like he can't, but he doesn't want to; his bonds with them are something he'll not allow to break. He hasn't told anyone about the ultimate price he'll have to pay to fight, but he thinks they'll be fine. They know him, they understand him. They'll know why he has to die (he hopes they will, when the time comes), and if his knowledge of them is true, then he also knows that they'll live on with their heads held high afterwards.

He smiles as he watches Yukari and Junpei bicker, like they used to. His classmates have long since stopped talking about him behind his back (at least not to his knowledge) now, so the only sounds that surround him are their everyday chatters. The falling snow and the decorations of lights and shining papers signal the coming of Christmas, making the atmosphere light and welcoming.

He waits until Tomochika drags Junpei out and into the unknown before walking up to her (his sun), his bag tugs under his armpit. When she turns, she's smiling, radiantly so. He smiles back before saying. "It's kind of a last minute, but do you want to celebrate Christmas together?"

She hums. "You don't need to ask that, you know. But we have to return before 8 pm, or else Aragaki-senpai will really lay into us."

He chuckles, remembering himself trying to help the man plan out the Christmas dinner. He wanted to help, he really did, but Shinjirou just kind of kicked him out and dragged Sanada into helping him, instead. He's caring, in his own way, that's certain. He then nods, "Of course. It's not like we're planning on a ski trip or anything. It's just hanging out at Paulownia Mall."

"True enough," She says, reaching her hand to his left and takes it in hers. She then tugs it out of his pocket and entwines their fingers. "But as long as it's with you, then I'm okay with it."

"And you always called me sappy," He teases. She pouts a little at that before pinching his arm with her free hand, making him yelp a little. "Ow!"

"Serves you right," She says as she drags him along. "Now come on! We don't have a minute to waste!"

She doesn't know it, but that last sentence hits home; he isn't quite sure when he has to die, but it's not too far off. Every last minute he has left counts.

There're so many promises he'll have to break, so many things he'll have to left unfinished, so many words left unsaid. He regrets leaving like this, but he doesn't lament leaving for them. He wouldn't have minded it, even if they would hate him and curse him for it, for bringing them pain. If they get the chance to live a minute, a day, a month, a year longer than he could, then he'll be fine being spat upon.

But now, now he's still alive, he's still here. Every second counts, and right now, he can at least make sure that they'll all be happy with his own two hands.

And he'll not let a single second goes to waste.

All they're doing now is waiting for Ryoji to come.

Aigis… she's human, both her heart and soul, and he's glad she now has a reason to live for herself — not for the sake of the SEES' orders or for his sake, but her own. She's also an irreplaceable life, much like everyone else is, whether she knows it or not. And now that they've all found their answers, there is no more need to talk about the decisions. They've all made theirs, and so has he.

He's sitting in the lounge, with his friends (his home) by his side, quietly chatting among themselves about nothing and everything. He tightens his grip on Yukari's hand a little, earning himself a soft smile, before he lets go and stands up, drawing the SEES' attentions to himself. He only smiles as the door creaks open, and before long, the figure he both dreads to see and misses so much walk through it.

Ryoji raises a hand, smiling sadly. "Good evening, all of you."

Quiet greetings are exchanged before Ryoji (Death) walks over and sits down on the sofa at the head of the coffee table. Those blue eyes then look his way, and he only gives him a smile and a shrug. He could see pain in those pair of shimmering sapphire that are always so kind, so warm, before Ryoji wipes it away and replaces it with a knowing look and a smile.

"I see you've all reached your decision," He says, his eyes slowly look at each and every one of them. They all nod, one by one. Finally, his gaze lands back on Makoto. "So there's no need for me to wait anymore, huh? What a shame."

"Shame my ass," Shinjirou says with a snort. "It just means we wanna live more, asshole. We've got no need for the Fall that wanna come down on its own. We're gonna fight, and we sure as hell are gonna win."

Unlike when he talked with Makoto the first time, he doesn't say that it's impossible anymore, only looking at him with a pained gaze. While acquiring the miracle is still uncertain, it seems like Ryoji thinks he'll be able to pull it off (he hopes so, too). The boy just sighs, but he's smiling. "Alright. Your lives are yours to live, so I'll respect your decisions. There's still time before midnight, so… would you mind if I have a private talk with Makoto for a little? And then I'll tell you all how to face Nyx afterwards."

At that, they all look dumbstruck, unsure. He gives them a small nod before making his way towards the stairs. "It's fine, it's not like he's going to hurt me or anything. We'll be right back."

"…If you're sure," Kirijou says, nodding. "Just don't take too long, okay?"

He hums. "Of course."

He leads Ryoji up the steps, the other boy silent, the air around him seems to be vibrating with tension. Once they reach his room, the two of them sit down on his bed. It reminds him of Pharos' many visits, before the Full Moon Shadows were defeated.

Ryoji speaks up first. "Makoto—"

"If you're trying to convince me to kill you, then stop, because I'm not going to," He says before Ryoji has the chance to finish. He knows the look in his eyes, he knows how the boy thinks. When Ryoji looks away, he just smiles and grabs his cold hand. "Even if it's still uncertain, I'm going to fight, and I'll make sure to grab that miracle, no matter what."

There is a pause, short yet spanning to near infinity, before his Death lets out a short laugh. "I should've known that you'd catch me. Alright, if you're sure, then I won't be saying anything else about it."

He hums softly. "But that isn't the only thing you want to talk to me about."

"No," Ryoji affirms, hiding half of his face under the folds of his scarf. He seems to be wording his mind, and before long, he's whispering. "Makoto, I… we'll have to fight. I'll return to being the thirteenth Shadow, Death, and we'll have to fight, and I'll be fighting to kill. I—"

"—Don't want to hurt me, I know," He finishes, his fingers carefully curling around Ryoji's soft, cold hand, before he continues. "I don't enjoy the idea. But, as I said, you simply are. I can't hold a grudge against you."

"…Why?"

"Because you don't really have a choice in this, do you?" He asks. "Still, you chose to tell us what you are, what you'll be doing, what we'll have to fight against. These are the things you didn't even need to tell us, yet, you did. Why is that?"

"…You deserve to know," Ryoji says, voice low, eyes on the ground. "It's the least I can do for all of you."

He smiles. "The choices that you can make, you make it for our sakes. So instead of cursing you, or blaming you for things you can't even control… I'm going to thank you."

He looks about to cry again. "I'm so sorry."

Makoto decides to borrow something Yukari said a good while back, and he places his hand on Ryoji's shoulder as he speaks softly. "It's not something you should be apologizing for. And for telling me—us—all of these, I thank you. And I'm proud of you."

He then pulls Ryoji (his Death, his shadow) into a hug as the boy cries his heart out again.

It matters not what you are. You're Mochizuki Ryoji, and I'm proud to call you my friend.

"Nyx will descend exactly one month from now. The next Full Moon, January 31st, with Tartarus as the beacon, and I, the Appriser."

They listen intently as he tells them every little details there is to know, from how to confront Nyx to what can one expect. Unsurprisingly, he's not saying that the Fall is unpreventable anymore, only that defeating Nyx is impossible. Makoto silently thanks Ryoji for not telling the others what he has to do, because they'll waste their time and maybe their lives finding an alternative that doesn't exist if he does.

The clocks ticks slowly, and midnight is approaching. Once he's done explaining, Ryoji gets up, dusting his pants a little. "I should be going now. I still want to say goodbye to you while I'm still like this, you see."

Junpei laughs. "That's just so you, man."

"I hope you'll be able to carry out the miracle you all seek," Ryoji says with a small smile. And he knows the boys is addressing him, with how he falters a little upon looking his way. "Happy New Year, guys. Hope the best for you all."

"Death my ass," Shinjirou says as he gets up, and before he knows it the older boy has already pats Ryoji's head, ruffling his hair ever so slightly, earning himself a yelp. "You sure don't act like one."

"Thank you for everything, Ryoji," Sanada says with a smile. "When we meet next, we'll have to fight. But know that you're still a friend."

Ryoji looks genuinely taken aback, and his face grows even wilder when Amada hugs him. Ryoji takes a moment then says. "I'll miss you, all of you."

"We'll miss you, too," Yamagishi says, waving her hand ever so slightly. "Happy New Year, Ryoji-kun."

"…Thank you," He mumbles as he looks at Aigis. "I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you, Aigis."

Aigis simply shakes her head. "I understand. And know that I view you as my enemy… and my friend."

Makoto glances at Yukari and Junpei, and after they nod their heads, he gets up and hugs Ryoji hard just one more time, making the boy yelps in surprise.

He pats his back and murmurs. "Farewell, Ryoji."

There is a pause, and then Ryoji hugs him back, hands cold and trembling. "…Farewell, Makoto."

Ryoji is crying, and he resists the urge to tease him as he gives them all one last smile before walking out of the door, his eyes sad yet free of whatever burden he used to carry before. The clock strikes midnight, and as they sky turns green, there is a howl that's so close yet far enough away echoing throughout the still air.

After a moment of silence, he turns to the others, and they're looking at him almost expectantly. He isn't even sure why they still have him as their leader, but he's not going to question it; the time to ask such inquiry has long since past. They trust him, and he'd trust them with his own life. He smiles, "Now then. We have a god to defeat, ladies and gentlemen."

"Hell yeah!" Junpei cheers. "Means we gotta train, right? But that can wait! We gotta celebrate new year first!"

"Dude, your priority is fucking mixed up," Shinjirou sighs, shaking his head. He takes a few seconds more before murmuring. "So… Naganaki Shrine?"

Sanada laughs while Kirijou shakes her head and says, "And you just told him his priority is strange. You're the same."

"Shut it, Mitsuru, I know you four girls have your Kimonos ready for tomorrow, and don't deny it!" He counters. Kirijou splutters and turns a little red at that.

Makoto blinks before turning to Yukari. "You haven't told me this."

Her cheeks are a little pink. "I wanna surprise you."

"Aragaki-san, you ruined Takeba-san's surprise," Is what he hears Amada says. The boy is scrutinizing Shijirou, now (it's a pretty funny sight). "You suck."

"Kid, shut the fuck up," Shinjirou growls.

He smiles at the light atmosphere, any remaining doubts long since gone from their features. They're all ready to take their futures into their own hands, and he'll be there to see it through.

He feels soft, warm hand grabbing onto his, and he turns to see Yukari smiling up at him.

Yeah. They'll be just fine.

Their futures, their lives… are his to protect, and theirs to live.

And now? He thinks he can, and he definitely will.