"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Drake yelled. "An A.I, designed for espionage, and you thought it was a good idea to bring it into the fleet?"
Maddie tried to speak but couldn't summon the courage.
"Miss Harper thought it prudent to arm herself with every advantage, Sir. We both thought that I could provide tactical support by gathering intelligence and-"
"Enough, Wally. Thank you." He said, sharply.
Maddie felt abandoned and betrayed. Though she knew that Drake had overridden Walsingham's protocols and that he now served Drake, it stung to see her creation made to serve someone else. It felt like a violation and she didn't like it. Not one bit.
Stay calm, Maddie. Saying nothing is better than flipping out.
"Well? I haven't stood here yelling for half an hour just to get silence from you."
It really had been almost that long, and Maddie was sure that half the ship had heard the shouting.
"Well, it seems you programmed your little science project with more of a spine than you have." He seethed, "you do know I've had to report this, right?"
Maddie's blood ran cold.
"Sir, I just wanted to level the playing field, I figured that I would need something to-"
He held up a hand, one which betrayed his age, and cut her off. It was a strong hand, one that Maddie had seen do terrible things. She clenched her fist, the one that had signed away her sister's life to this organisation that now would make some kind of example against her. Tears welled in her eyes but Maddie, ever cool and collected, pushed them back, refusing to let her feelings overwhelm her and prevent her from finding a way out of this.
"It doesn't matter what you think you needed, you took a gamble and you got caught. Something like this can't just be forgiven, girl. You know full well that this kind of security breach is capable of causing."
"Of, course I do, Sir, but Walsingham has been a great help-"
"Clearly, you don't, actually." He snapped. "Had you brought this to me, I might have relented, I might have been able to swing her around and clear him for use. You have allowed a petty rivalry to convince you that we were in competition, that you were being set up to fail."
That was the straw that broke her coolness.
"I was set up to fail." She spat, "Parangosky knew my history with Jack and James, she definitely knew how much this mission meant to me personally, she also knew about Katya and what I did to her and to top it off, she knew about Maggie and that I will do anything to make sure ONI honour their side of that deal." Maddie was livid, her body was tense and exuded power and strength despite her broken state. Drake noticed this and folded his arms defensively.
He stepped towards her, their eyes meeting, his cold like steel and hers burning like ice. "No, you were set up to be challenged." He said, simply, shaking his head. "We all thought you were capable of it, as well."
Maddie swallowed. She knew things hadn't been ideal, but they hadn't been left without a goal, it wasn't that bad, was it?
"That's unfair." She mumbled.
Drake didn't respond, he circled the table and swiped at a few buttons. It took a few long moments before anyone seemed to risk breathing on the bridge. The crew simply pretended that it hadn't even happened and only murmured occasionally to each other to relay orders and observations to keep the ship operating as normal.
"Not much to be done about it, now anyway." He said, at last. He rubbed his forehead and seemed to have aged almost ten years over the course of the conversation. "Katya's operations have been going well, though, thanks to the data pulled from that CDS black site."
"Data I pulled" Maddie reminded him, coldly.
Drake glared at her, "Walsingham has made great progress tapping into the data available to him, the emails, coupled with the report you submitted to Commander Sterling have been analysed, and he seems to think that something even bigger than previously thought is going on."
Maddie was too angry and too hurt, to give into hope but she tried to at least maintain a sense of calmness as she seethed internally at Drake and the whole rotten system, that she'd thrown herself into.
"Yes. It seems as though the word Cita'mee is a new creation. There is nothing in my extensive programming," he smiled wryly at Maddie, "that would correspond to anything we have encountered before, excluding of course, the root building blocks 'ci', 'ta', and 'mee' as individual constructions."
Drake ignored Walsingham's attempt to back up Maddie and instead looked to her for some kind of comment. When she folded her arms in defiant silence, Drake sighed; "So, we are at a dead end, or we would be, had we not had Walsingham to run analysis. I'm going to place a team on the comms unit and use Walsingham to collect the data. You'll operate in a supervisory role until I find out what will be done about you."
Maddie didn't bother fighting that, her anger flared but she kept it under control, feeling grimly determined to salvage something from this mess that she had created for herself.
"What will my team be looking for?" She asked.
"My team will observe general and specific communications relating to fleet positions and this keyword we've identified."
"Are we sure it's so key?" Maddie replied, icily, pretending that she was fine with being side-lined.
"I believe so." Walsingham stated, "I'm keen to gain access to the communications because I believe there is a similar reference among the files recovered from the CDS black site."
Maddie's curiosity seemed to spark briefly, "really?"
The little holographic avatar nodded enthusiastically, "Yes. There is mention of progenitor's in the emails between the ELYSIUM and ICARUS cells."
Maddie unfolded her arms and leaned on the holo-table, "that's..."
"Good news" Drake said, "what's even better is that it's linked to the artifact's we keep finding. Katya has dug up these chests all over the continent thanks to you, the reference to progenitors is included in these reports that point to their locations."
"So, what are we looking at here, some kind of rebel forerunner faction?" Maddie asked, slowly falling into the familiar trance of curiosity that kept her senses sharp and excited in her ONI occupation.
Drake shook his head, his salt and pepper hair bounced a little as he too leaned forward, "Our current theory is a Forerunner black op."
Maddie glanced at Walsingham, who nodded eagerly. She smiled, feeling as though she perhaps wasn't quite as much of a failure as she originally believed that she was. They stood in silence for a moment, and Maddie tried to let the information buoy her, only it seemed the silver lining wasn't proving enough, whatever Parangosky had planned for her was undoubtedly going to sour her mood further, so she figured she might as well just embrace her own misery as Drake dismissed her and she left for the door.
It slid open and Katya, who had been leaning against the bulkhead, jumped a little at the moment.
How long has she been outside this door?
Maddie swallowed, glaring daggers at the woman, who shifted uncomfortably before opening her mouth to speak. For her part, Maddie wasn't interested and turned on the spot, striding away as Katya headed inside, glancing back at her as she stormed away down the hall.
"Go speak with Miss Roberts, she will give you the rundown on that artifact" Drake had said it coolly as she was dismissed. Maddie wondered about the strange contractor and was a little apprehensive about meeting her again. She even stood outside her door for a moment, summoning the strength to knock.
The door slid open and Maddie frowned. The room seemed to boil and buckle, the heat was striking, and Ms Roberts seemed to feel it, too. She was dressed in very little, Maddie noticed as she launched herself to her feet and ran to the door.
"Don't let the heat out" she gasped, pulling Maddie inside and half-punching the door control behind her.
"What is wrong with you?" Maddie asked, steadying herself as she struggled to remain upright on her injured leg.
"It's this thing, I just got it working." She beamed, "might want to take some of your clothes off if you're gonna stay in here, Lieutenant."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, and drink this" she added, handing her a bottle of water, "don't want you fainting, might injure that pretty face of yours, she laughed."
Maddie watched as Ms Roberts walked towards the now glowing artifact, hovering in mid-air, her curved hips were hugged by some athletic leggings and legs bristled elegantly as she walked. Maddie's eyes traced all the way up her slender back, over the training bra she wore and up towards her hair, chestnut brown and cropped just below her head. Her face reddened as Ms Roberts turned and caught her staring. She simply smiled, knowingly before sitting down on the floor. The room was a sort of loosely organised mess that sprawled outwards from the position that Jade sat in. Maddie cautiously followed, standing away from the strange device as Roberts fiddled away with a control panel rigged to the side of it.
"So," Maddie said, "any idea what this thing is?"
Ms Roberts didn't look up, she chewed the end of a screwdriver and shrugged. "Not really. Clearly not some kind of weapon though, or we'd be dead."
"Are you sure about that? Feel like a boiling frog right about now." Maddie observed.
Ms Roberts paused, as though she hadn't considered that, and dug around in the mess for a temperature gauge that had been wired into a very messy computer.
"No, the temperature is steady, we're good." She said before sitting back down
"So, we've discovered a space heater" Maddie groaned, "God knows what links all this crap together."
Roberts shrugged, and leaned back on her hands, "it'll become clear eventually, systems this complicated are hard to crack but fairly intuitive when you do."
"You've cracked a lot of tech like this?"
"Yeah" she admitted, "a lot if you're doubting my abilities."
Maddie frowned and stepped forward, "No, no, not doubting you, I'm just curious as to how a civilian gets their hands on enough of this sort of thing to become an expert."
Ms Roberts grinned cheekily, her brilliantly white smile glittered with the sweat that formed on her brow and forehead. "That's classified well above your grade, Ma'am."
Maddie pouted and watched Ms Roberts for a moment, her eyes bore back into Maddie's like a laser, or a MAC gun. They were deep and brown and contrasted the whites of her eyes in a way that was almost disarming. Maddie knew that something rather disconcerting lurked behind those two chocolate curtains and being the fool she was, Maddie found her curiosity drawn inextricably towards it.
"What's got you in such a bad mood anyway, pouting isn't a good look on you." She said standing up to face her.
"It's classified." Maddie said bluntly.
"Oh, there's the spunky little girl I met on Meridian." She purred like an engine fresh off of the assembly line.
Maddie raised a brow and took a step away from her towards the bulkhead but Ms Roberts followed, pressing her sexually charged attack.
"This is isn't appropriate, Ms. Roberts." Maddie gasped as the much shorter woman stopped just shy of her chest, looking her over like meat on a hook. It all made Maddie feel more vulnerable than she had felt since Skopje and she hated it. Only she found herself searching the domineering gaze of Ms Roberts for her intent. Clearly, she was dangerous but in what way, Maddie couldn't really tell.
"Call me Jade." She spoke softly and ran a cautious hand along the length of Maddie's face, "Am I making you feel uncomfortable?"
Maddie simply swallowed, trying to work out how things had ended up this weird.
"There's a written summary of my findings on the desk. It should help you search that comm unit for any data about these devices." She said, stepping away.
Maddie breathed out heavily as Jade returned to her seat. Quickly, she picked up her things, as well as the folder on the desk and circled the device in a wide arc. She figured that too much contact with those old pieces of forerunner tech had driven the girl loopy and endeavoured to stay as far from both of them.
"Maddie?" Jade called out to her as though nothing had ever happened, "I'll try and keep an ear out for any information Drake is keeping from you, if you like." She said sweetly.
"Uh, thank you, J- Ms Roberts," Maddie replied before she could think, and swept out of the door before Jade could answer her.
}{=}{
TWO WEEKS LATER
"Yeah, we agreed it was safe enough to do, I know you don't approve but it's like I said, Mum is still family. I want to at least hear her out, Mads."
Maddie couldn't quite believe what she was hearing.
Parangosky, you evil…
Her brain couldn't find the words; there were none harsh or scathing enough.
"You can't leave Earth, Eliza, please, it's not safe." Maddie begged aloud and to herself. The video message played out like a nightmare.
"Mrs. Parangosky is giving me private transport and everything" she'd said, probably in an attempt to allay her sister's fears. Her sister seemed to pause for a moment, as though she knew Maddie were ranting to the screen.
You saw my injuries; you saw my last message… you saw Maggie. You'd risk that just to hear out our coward of a mother?
Of course, she would, she's my sister.
Maddie finally and bitterly understood all her parents and teachers' frustrations in that moment. As her eyes remained fixed to the screen, she knew why people made stupid choices that weren't logical.
"By the time you get this I'll be in transit. Parangosky has secured me transport with a good crew. Do you remember Ana? Maddie, her Dad is the Agent assigned to transport me to Mum."
Maddie should have been angry, it was another blow, another trick and game that she played with her. For her part, Maddie was simply emotionally exhausted and couldn't muster the energy to be irritated by that. Ana hadn't been a part of her life for a very long time and the abandonment on Skopje was secondary to the danger that her sister was now in. The rest of the message was just a lot of hoping, on Eliza's part, that she wasn't making a mistake. Maddie could see in her eyes that Eliza wasn't one hundred percent sure about the whole thing, but she knew her sister well, she knew that she was like herself and that meant she had little Hopi experience but to put her mind at ease and hear their mother out.
She decided to send her reply another time, right now she didn't have the strength for it, her wounds still ached a little even if the accelerant was more than doing its job of getting back in the field ahead of time.
Maddie closed the computer and stood up, stretching out what little stress she could with some of the basic physiotherapy she had been given in the medical ward. She'd spent a lot of time focusing on recovering because there was nothing else to do. Any potential friendship with O'byron had been neutered. As she reported to the listening device, he gave her the usual curt responses and awkward silences that she had become used to over the last fortnight. Drake had even posted Jessop to supervise security. How he had known about that, Maddie had no clue, but the truth was that it didn't matter to her.
Instead, Maddie had found friendship and company in the form of the tall, dark haired Commander Sterling, who despite being forced to accept Drake's interference remained warm and cordial with her. She also been surprised by the young Forerunner technician, who's total disregard for military convention made her exciting and dangerous. Maddie, found herself drawn to the pair of them and enjoyed the way they seemed to disarm her and let her be a person not quite herself.
Sterling stood outside the tent built around the device with his arms folded. He towered high into the roof, and Maddie often mused at the way he seemed to morph into the ceiling when she stood closer to him and looked up at his striking eyes.
"Ah, you're here." He smiled, as she saluted.
"Got your message, Walsingham found something?"
Sterling nodded, "that's what he told me. Well, that's all he told me. Said a data transfer was too risky, we need to hand deliver this one."
"Great." Maddie replied, chewing on her bottom lip and running her slender fingers through her shiny blonde hair.
"Still no luck with him?"
Maddie shook her head and sighed, "nope, I'm still in everyone's bad books."
"You seem..." he said, quietly, "kind of down"
"Yeah, well I just found out what my punishment is."
Sterling swallowed, "I'm sorry, Madeleine" he said softly, touching her uninjured arm with a delicate, yet firmly reassuring hand. "Is this goodbye?" He asked, cautiously.
Maddie thought he was about to move but he seemed to wait, hesitating for a moment that seemed to drag out for an age. "No, I'm staying here," she smiled, holding her arm where George had let go of it, "it's just ONI, they know what buttons to push."
"Oh. That's good then. Well, not good but-"
Maddie smiled, she wanted to giggle like a school girl but held it back. "It's nice to know that you'd miss me" she offered, patting him on the back as she entered the tent and left him standing there, a little red in the face.
"Lieutenant Harper. It is good to see you." The localised fragment of Walsingham tried its best to be informal but with Drake as his master, Maddie found herself wanting nothing to do with him anymore.
"What do you have for me."
"O'byron, if you would be so kind. The rest of you, give me a moment alone with the Lieutenant if you may."
O'byron smiled weakly as he handed the dossier and the data-drive to her and filed out in silence with the rest. At least he looked her in the eye, which the rest didn't even bother to do as they brushed politely passed her.
"To put it simply, the Covenant have been tracking Lieutenant Volkovskaya's missions to the surface. So far, they haven't interfered but there's a lot of arguing and back and forth between their capital ships about how best to proceed. I've passed on relevant data to HIGHCOM but I believe that hidden in this data drive is the key to finding the Nazari's. You see, the covenant believes that these artefacts she has been following are linked in some kind of system, with a global and local nerve centre. So far, the Covenant have been unable to discern the location of these centres. They have become quite frustrated with our ability to locate these artefacts, even in their own territory and much of their debate seems to stem from a need to prioritise their search for something called the Luminary."
"Luminary?"
"An unknown quantity, perhaps my full self aboard the Enigma will know more but I expect it's some other religious crusade that they are on."
"Alright, well thank you." She said, turning on her feet and leaving before the little holographic Englishman could reply.
Outside, Maddie was sad to see that Sterling was now gone but her spirits were lifted slightly when she spied Al-Shiran standing idly beside a pelican, picking at his nails. She walked as briskly as she could towards him, figuring that ONI's rules on compartmentalisation meant that he was her chauffeur for the day.
"Hello, again." She said, returning his salute, "You're my driver?"
"That I am, Ma'am." He said, pointing the way with an open palm, "We have clear skies and no complimentary nuts." He chuckled as he took his seat in the Pelican.
He taxied from the flight deck and Maddie stood over his shoulder as they left the bay doors of Ides behind them and moved into the long dark of space.
"Seems quiet." She noted, looking at the Seventh fleet as it conducted its patrol.
"We've seen our fair share of the fighting, or at least my old squadron has. It's all quiet whenever the Enigma is on station though."
"You were reassigned?"
Al-Shiran nodded as the flew passed the Shiroyama's port side battery.
"Apologies." Maddie replied, "a waste of your talents, to be sure."
"Definitely; we all have a role to play, however, and only an idiot pines for a fight."
Maddie agreed but kept that to herself, remembering how eager she had been to get this mission under way and how she had brought Walsingham along without so much as a second thought to the consequences.
Al-Shiran, for his part remained cautiously silent as they approached the rendezvous and waited for the Enigma to decloak and show themself.
"I swear they like to screw with me on purpose." He mused to himself. "Sometimes I like to curse at them and call them names."
Maddie wondered if she should tell him that they were probably listening into his comms but decided against it. As fun as it would be to see his reaction, she knew ONI would be looking for signs of her breaching protocol as well.
I won't slip up again. Not when I'm so close to Bornstellar's gift.
Then, as though they knew she was thinking it, Enigma appeared silently beside them. Al-Shiran rolled his eyes and began the landing procedure, moving the ship to the small hanger on the Prowler and slotting into it snugly, Maddie dreaded the inevitably terse interaction between herself and Drake, who stood waiting on the deck, drumming his foot.
Al-Shiran spotted him as well as the rear of the Pelican dropped with a hiss, he raised a brow at Maddie but she didn't give him anything. Drake was already walking briskly towards them as she thanked her pilot and descended the ramp.
"What have you got?" he asked, bluntly.
"Some answers. Hopefully."
Drake breathed deeply and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Again, Maddie was struck by how much older he seemed to be. The lines around his eyes seemed deeper and wearier than ever and Maddie wondered if he'd actually gotten any sleep in the last week. Drake said nothing else, not when they reached the bridge, not when the data was united with Walsingham's original self, and not as he finished explaining what had been found.
"So..." Walsingham said, cautiously eyeing the two agents stood awkwardly far apart. "With Ms. Roberts' latest findings, and the data from the Covenant transmitter, we can reasonably assume that what we have discovered is a complex and comprehensive terraforming system built into the continent. Ms Roberts believes that this system was cutting edge forerunner technology, or perhaps a part of a secret sect of forerunners with design philosophies that differ entirely from what is currently known about forerunner tech. Further evidence is required to properly align this discovery with Bornstellar's gift, so I reco-"
"Thank you, Wally." Drake noted, "that'll be all."
"Sir, if we need to match this discovery to Bornstellar's gift, you need to let me get involved."
Drake glanced at her, and spoke sharply. "Report to Ms. Roberts, see if you can figure anything else out. I'll be supervising Katya from here; it appears that she's discovered a site that's a little different from all the others."
Maddie nodded, saluted, and fell out. She was glad not just to be away from Drake, but back in the company of Jade, who seemed to be the only person who could look her in the eyes these days.
She knocked on the door and waited, smiling as the rustle and clanging of bits of metal spattered around the room behind the door.
"Coming! Who is it?" A muffled voice asked through the little speaker on the door panel.
"It's me" Maddie replied, "Drake sent me to check out the device."
The door hissed apart instantly and a very shiny, half-dressed Jade stood before her, pulling her inside the room and locking the door behind her.
"Is it even hotter?" Maddie asked, pulling off her ONI hoodie.
"Yep, it's currently trying to turn this place into a jungle."
"Why?"
"I wanted a sauna, so I made one."
"Right..." Maddie said, smiling. It was a very Jade thing to do but the solution was inspired so Maddie couldn't help but be impressed.
"Drink?" she asked, bending over and pulling a bottle of water from the mini fridge. Maddie swallowed as her tight workout shorts shaped her legs. For the first time in her life, Maddie considered the female form and its raw sexuality. Jade, of course, knew what she was doing. She'd never hidden her sexuality, or her interest in Maddie, but for her part, Maddie felt strangely unsure of herself.
"Well?" she asked, looking back at her with a knowing smile.
"Yeah, sure, gonna need it in here." Maddie replied, pulling at her tank top.
She took the cool bottle from Jade and tapped it against Jade's own before taking a healthy gulp from the bottle.
"So," Jade began, moving to her side as they watched the humming the "There's not much more to learn from this thing" she said, kicking it with her foot.
Maddie stood well away from it, she didn't trust the thing, which spewed warm air and nutrients out of its many tubes and pores.
"Drake seems to think we've missed something."
"Blah blah, Drake this, Parangosky that." she teased, "You still haven't told me how they got you by the balls" she purred, coming close to Maddie's ear.
"I got caught."
"Pfft." she scoffed, "is that it?"
"They moved my sister into harm's way."
"So?"
"What do you mean so?" Maddie asked, turning to face her with a look of disbelief on her face. "They've made it very clear that my family is on the table if I step out of line."
"They need you. You think that they've done this to show you they'll do anything to keep you in check but all it does is show you how badly they need you to believe in that lie. What kind of desperation is that? Sending a child into danger." she scowled, "It's pathetic."
"What should I do then? Whatever I want, like you? Carry on as before and hope it's all a bluff."
"They need you. Prove to them that you can't be bought or scared or they will control you, without remorse or mercy."
"If you're so good at managing people and organisations like ONI, how come you're still here, serving them."
Jade seemed confused for a second, her eyes searched Maddie for a moment until they widened with realisation.
Jade began to laugh, "who, ONI? Please. I learned from someone far worse." she stiffened and glared into Maddie's soul.
"Power and control. That was something I learned from my father." she folded her arms for a moment, clutching her biceps for a second and rubbing them. "He was charismatic, intelligent, and ruthless. You wonder how I know about all of this?" she motioned to the bits of forerunner technology and the large artefact hovering just in front of them.
Maddie didn't answer, she felt captivated by the anger and the passion of her speech.
"My father found a little Forerunner lab on my home world. He learned its secrets and gained great power. The local colonists… they thought him a God and being the immoral bastard that he was, he took advantage of that. He made his own kingdom. A harem of women to take inside the lab, where he…"
She didn't finish.
Maddie raised a cautious hand and touched Jade's face, running her thumb gently from the side of her cute button nose, and across her rosy cheek, wiping a tear from her face.
Jade smiled as though she'd caught dinner in a trap. "He would strike when you were vulnerable." she said, aiming a swift kick at Maddie's injured leg.
The force of it wasn't meant to injure but Maddie wasn't expecting it. Off balance and pushed into combat she tried to wheel away but she did so on her injury, collapsing to the floor with a yelp.
"When you were down, he broke you apart." she sneered, aiming two quick jabs at her stomach.
Wind rushed from her lungs and Maddie gasped as Jade straddled her, pinning Maddie to the floor by placing her knee right on Maddie's most vulnerable injury.
Maddie breathed like a wounded foal, squarely at the mercy of this woman, who leaned down close to her and whispered into her neck. "They're doing the same to you, Maddie. They encourage you to free yourself from the leash and then they punish you for it. They break you down and smash you, hammer you into pieces like sand."
She ran a slender hand along Maddie's face, which glistened in the low hum of the room. Maddie felt her body buzz with electric excitement as Jade's fingers slipped from her face onto her neck and down towards her waiting chest.
"Then," she whispered huskily, "when you're at your lowest point, they melt you down and reforge you into glass. Transparent, weak, and useful."
Maddie swallowed, her eyes wide as Jade's face hovered inches from her own. "Do you want to know what their favourite part is?" she asked, biting her lip.
Maddie nodded.
Jade said nothing, instead, her lips met Maddie's. Their eyes closed and Maddie opened her mouth, inviting her in. The kiss was confusing, passionate, and brief.
Why did she stop?
"Their favourite part is when you thank them for it." Jade said, as a strange glow appeared in the corners of their vision.
"What the?" she said, standing up, "what's that?"
It was a mark Maddie had seen before. Not on the device; rather in her dreams and on an orb that she had long ago given to ONI. It was a shield, a circle on the outside with a hollowed hexagon in the centre, struck through the middle was a line that extended from the left and right points. Finally, there was a parallel line running just below the bottom side of the hexagon.
Maddie gasped.
"Bornstellar's mark!"
"How did I miss that? What did you press?" she asked, dumbfounded and scrambling to her feet.
"I hadn't realised I even touched it" Maddie replied hoarsely, taking Jade's hand as she offered it and blushed.
"You did when we uh" she grinned.
Maddie blushed an even deeper shade of red as she threw her clothes on. Jade moved to stop her but the lights dimmed and the Enigma rumbled. Yellow lights flashed and Maddie knew what was happening before Drake's voice came over the loudspeaker.
"All hands, battle station's! XO Harper, report to the bridge immediately."
"I-I better go." Maddie said, awkwardly.
"Hey, Mads," Jade said, following her to the door, "don't forget what I said. Given them hell, okay?"
The door slid shut without another word said, and Maddie began to jog towards the bridge with more than war on her mind.