Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I do not own any of the character, places, names, or anything associated with the works of J.R.R Tolkien or the Lord of the Rings (books or movie, whatever). My characters are Anita, Leila, and Arlandria and that is all.
Okay now that we've all had a good long hiatus for the holidays, back to writing!
Chapter 34: Without a Trace
While the brink of darkness was safely out of Anita's grasp, the aftershocks of her broken heart were still evident. It had been nearly two weeks since her very public fall out with the Prince of Mirkwood, and Ani hadn't returned to normal even in the slightest. The dark haired girl quietly haunted the halls of her family's home, a subdued and almost hollow version of her vibrant self. Like a ghost, flashes of her form could be seen in the periphery of vision, but when one turned to look she would already be out of sight. Occasionally a melancholy tune would drift through the house from her piano, filled with bitterness and anguish that Anita would never have the vocabulary to express otherwise. Elladan excused the behavior, having found some semblance of kindred spirit after their long talk; he put no pressure on her to reform her ways. Unlike many in the house, Elladan alone understood the amount of time needed to mend a broken heart, and he also knew that there was no sense in trying to rush that healing process. It was also why her father hadn't required her to make a single public appearance for meals since the incident.
The empty chair at the dinner table was only ever acknowledged by one person while everyone else politely ignored the obvious absence. While Ani's misery had taken form as aimlessly wandering about, Legolas' pain had manifested as poorly hidden suffering in silence. The prince had hundreds of years of practice in controlling his emotions, and had never been in any real danger of fading into the blackness; but anyone could see that he felt pain of the acutest kind. He would stare at the empty chair at the table, a look of guilt and longing mangling his normally handsome features. He was constantly distracted, barely capable of functioning and interacting with those around him. Often, people had to repeat questions or statements several times before he could formulate a response or even acknowledge that he was being spoken to. It was this kind of troubling behavior from the young Elven prince that had spurred the need for a meeting in secret.
While the sun was still low in the sky the small group collected together in a garden pavilion, far removed from where prying eyes would think to look for them. Gandalf had made no secret that the reason he had called for the meeting was to discuss emotional state of the elf who had volunteered to accompany the Ring to Mordor and see it destroyed.
"You can hardly fault the boy for acting as he does, I know more than one elfling that succumbed to the darkness after suffering such a blow to the heart." Of the group, Glorfindel was the only one that had taken to very vocally defending the prince, justifying his current state of mind to the rest of the group despite the urgency of the growing darkness in the east.
"I fault him nothing, but it has been weeks and there is no change in his demeanor. I must agree with Mithrandir," Elrond silently indicated the wizard standing next to him, "Allowing Legolas to accompany the Fellowship in light of what has happened puts everyone in unnecessary jeopardy."
"It will shame him beyond reproach and destroy him."
"What would you have me do Aragorn? Risk all of Middle Earth over a lover's quarrel?" The ranger shrugged silently in response to Elrond's question as he took a long draw from his pipe. Tensions were running high as the date which the group had selected to depart grew closer with each day.
"Whether the prince stays or goes there will be consequences to suffer if his behavior is allowed to continue."
"Gandalf, you cannot force the mending of a broken heart any more than you can force the sun to rise or set, regardless of consequence, he needs time….they both do." Elladan finally added his voice to the conversation, which had been going in circles on the same track for several minutes.
"You did not want those two together as lovers in the first place." Glorfinel hissed accusingly, glaring across the tightly knit circle, no doubt placing the lion's share of blame at Elladan's feet.
"I wanted to protect my child from a fate similar to my own," The dark haired elf shot back before quietly adding, " a fruitless effort I may add."
"Yes, so we have all become aware." Gandalf muttered, thinly masking the irritation that everyone was feeling. " It is apparent that the young prince requires time to heal, we are all in agreement on this yes?"
"The evil spreading from Mordor will not give pause so that Legolas may heal, the time he needs is time we simply do not have." Elrond sounded resolute in his decision. "The prince will have to abandon his place amongst the Fellowship."
"Allow me to speak with him," Glorfindel quickly jumped to Legolas' aide. "Perhaps I can show him the error in his ways. He already has to suffer losing favor with Anita, do not take this from him as well." The rest of the men in the group exchanged a glance, searching for agreement or disapproval in each other's faces. Seeing no dissension amongst the others, Elrond responded.
"You may have one day to sway his mind, if he cannot be swayed then we must all accept that we are simply out of time, and the Fellowship will leave Rivendell without the Prince of Mirkwood."
Glorfindel nodded his head in understanding before he turned to leave the small garden pavilion. The sun would finally crest above the mountains and the day would be starting in Rivendell, which meant he had very little time to seek out the elf in question and try to talk him out of his stupor. The older elf was far too familiar with the state of mind, he too had seen his fair share of wallowing for more years than he cared to admit too.
The search for the young elven prince was over rather quickly, Glo had instinctually known that Legolas would be haunting the areas that Ani used to frequent…as those who pine after another often do. After scouring the gardens and coming up empty, the next place he sought out the prince was near the graveyard, which is where he found Legolas; sitting quite alone on the stone bench. It was a wretched sight, seeing a normally confident young elf looking so pathetic and destitute. Glorfindel knew from experience that no matter how badly one wanted to sit alone and marinate in self-pity, it was terribly unhealthy. Legolas turned his head slightly to acknowledge Glorfindel's approach, but did not speak a word of greeting. That suited the older elf just fine; If Legolas wanted to sit silently, good, then he could just listen as Glo spoke his peace.
"I do not suppose you need me to explain how foolish you have been acting," Glorfindel came to stand in front of the young prince, blocking his view; although from the blank expression on his face it was apparent that Legolas wasn't actually looking at anything. "But I am going to tell you anyway. This is of your own doing, this discord between you and Ani. And it is your own foolish pride that is preventing you from going to Anita and apologizing for your stupidity."
Legolas gave a sigh and turned his gaze upward to meet the captain of the guards hard stare. "You know nothing of my pride, or what has transpired between Anita and myself."
"You think you are so different from me?" Glorfindel scoffed. But he could see that being condescending and harsh was going to get him nowhere fast with the younger man. He blew a puff of air out between his lips before sitting down next to Legolas on the cold stone bench. "Several years ago you accused me of bearing ill-will towards Anita and her sister because I was jealous, you said that Ani and Leila represented that which I could not have and that is why I harbored such bitterness. And I did not have the clarity to see it at the time, but you were right. I lost the woman I loved because, not unlike yourself, I said something I should not have and was far too proud to apologize. "
"It is not the same." Legolas' tone was indignant and stubborn.
"Isn't it though? Do know how it came to be that my betrothal to Arlandria was broken? Not may do." Glo took the young prince's silence as permission to keep going with his story. "We had fallen into an argument whilst discussing the possibility of children; Arlandria insisted that her children would receive the blessing of Elbereth, The Lady of the Stars. These many years later is seems such a trivial thing, of course at the time it was not. I laughed at her, told her that no child borne of my blood would partake in such an archaic and occult ritual. Naturally my words upset her, but I was insistent that my way was the right way. In my youthful folly it never occurred to me that there are more important things than being right. "
The older fair haired elf let his words sink in, watching the prince's face for a reaction, before he continued. "Well Arlandria was not one to be subjected to such ridicule on her beliefs, and she said quite plainly that if that is how I felt then the children wouldn't be mine at all. And just like that," Glorfindel snapped his fingers for emphasis, "the woman I loved had removed me from her future, and I was quite alone. There are no words in any known language to describe the pain and regret felt when you watch the woman you loved, bear another man's child. If there is one thought that has plagued me ever since that day it is this; If I had been a better man and had not been a slave to my pride, I would have apologized for my foolish and hurtful words, instead of being left to drown in my regret. I will tell you this now Legolas, forever is a very long time to suffer regret."
Having said what he came to say, Glorfindel stood up to leave the prince by himself. "You were not wrong to volunteer for the quest to destroy the Ring of Sauron. The fate of Middle Earth is not one man's burden, but is to be shared by all. Frodo will need you before the end of this. You do not need to choose between your love of Anita and your duty to the Fellowship, but you will need to decide if you are strong enough to accept the responsibility of both."
Glorfindel did not wait for a response from Legolas before he turned and walked away, leaving the younger elf exactly how he had found him. Never in all his life had the elf felt so raw and exposed due to his blunt honesty about a very painful portion of his personal history. It was true that he had suffered regret for his egregious error some two hundred years ago that had led to the breaking of the betrothal between himself and Arlandria. Every day in fact. The only bit of respite he got from his self-imposed torment had been when he took Anita on as his student; in some strange way it had given him a glimpse at his lost opportunity for fatherhood.
There was nothing that Glorfindel could do to change his lot in life, he had cast the die and come up short…and he had learned to live with such a fate as he had drawn. But he hoped that through his mistakes and choices made during his misguided youth, perchance Legolas would learn a much needed lesson. Glorfindel prayed that this was the case and that Legolas could be spared walking down the same path that Glorfindel was doomed to.
Without A Trace- Trust Company