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Isobel Crawley arrived at Downton Abbey, shown in by Mr. Carson who looked pleased to finally see her return to the estate.
"I've come to see George," she told him, looking up the stairs.
"It's very good to see you here, ma'am," Mr. Carson informed her. "The family is out today, Lady Mary included, but I am certain she will not mind if you see your grandson." He motioned that she could head up the stairs.
Isobel walked slowly. She feared every step. She was riddled with anxiety. When she made it to the nursery door, she was met with the harsh face of Nanny West. The severe looking woman blocked her entry.
"I've come to see my grandson," Mrs. Crawley informed her.
"I'm so sorry Mrs. Crawley," Nanny West gave her a half smirk. "But I have just laid him down for a nap."
"I'll only be a minute," Mrs. Crawley insisted. "I just wanted to peek in on him, check how he's doing." Isobel attempted to peer inside the room, but Nanny West closed the door and would not budge from her position.
Nanny West sneered, "Now is not a good time, Mrs. Crawley. The family and Lady Mary do not want strangers popping in and out to gaze at their children at odd, inconvenient times. I will have to ask you to leave."
"But, I'm not a stranger, surely?" Isobel questioned, struck by Nanny West's statement.
I'm not a stranger to the Crawleys, am I? She began to doubt herself, fidgeting with her hands. Perhaps, I am just that. George will run this estate one day. It's hardly any wonder that they do not want him around the influence of his middle-class grandmother.
Isobel no longer felt like challenging anyone anymore. She did not have the strength to do battle as she normally would. "Very well," Mrs. Crawley acquiesced, "I'll go."
With that, Isobel hurried down the stairs. She had to get out of this place.
Mr. Carson stopped her. "Mrs. Crawley, are you leaving already?" He went to fetch her coat.
"Yes," Isobel tried to hide how upset she had become. "Nanny West did not think it was such a good idea for me to see him right now."
Mrs. Hughes had just walked up from the servant stairs and overheard Isobel. "Surely not," the housekeeper could not keep the words inside.
"I…I have to go. I'll say goodbye then." Isobel shrugged her coat over her shoulders and left. She did not know what she was going to do. If Downton was not home, if she was only a stranger to the Crawley family, why stay?
She had to leave.
You see, she told herself, the only reason you are here is…was…because of Matthew. My Matthew. Where are you my dear boy?
I am so lost without you.
I have no reason to remain here at Downton anymore, not even for my grandson. I love him, though, but I can't stay.
As Mrs. Crawley hurried out of the estate's front doors, Nanny West glared down at the woman until she was out the door and quite gone.
Mrs. Hughes caught her harsh stare. "How dare you!" Mrs. Hughes seethed. "You have no right to stop her from seeing her grandson."
Nanny West snickered at the enraged Scotswoman. "You'll find that I have every right, Mrs. Hughes. I am not under your authority, after all. The family has entrusted me with the wellbeing of their children, and I only want what is best for them. I only want Master George to maintain his status. There is no need for his provincial grandmother to intervene."
With that comment, Mrs. Hughes began to make her way up the steps. She had not been so angry, so riled up in quite some time. Mr. Carson's steady hand on her shoulder stopped her. The door to the nursery shut as Nanny West returned to the children.
"That vile, despicable woman," Mrs. Hughes fumed. "Poor Mrs. Crawley. She has had so much to deal with these past few weeks. This incident…I don't know what she'll do…or how she'll feel." She began to pace.
Mr. Carson steadied her. "Easy now, Mrs. Hughes. Think for a minute. As soon as they return, you will inform Lady Grantham and Lady Mary. They will sort it out. Mrs. Crawley will be back to see her grandson at their invitation. All will be well." His strong, sturdy voice soothed Mrs. Hughes, calming her frayed nerves. Mr. Carson seemed pleased with his idea.
"You're right," Mrs. Hughes breathed. "As soon as they return, I'll tell them. Mrs. Crawley will see Master George, and all will be set right." The housekeeper hoped the butler was correct. She wanted Mrs. Crawley to find some form of comfort, figuring her grandson would be just the ticket.
…
Isobel returned to Crawley House. She thought about her day – her tea with Lady Violet and then her attempt to see little George.
How could a day change so quickly?
Her heart could not take any more. She was almost mad at the Dowager for pushing, yes, that's what it was, pushing her to see her grandson. It was not any of Lady Violet's business when she would go to the estate or whether she would ever go there again.
I must go somewhere else, some place I may be wanted. Some place where this sorrow won't destroy me. Will I always feel this way? Is this how it is now that he's gone? Will this heartache follow me forever, do you think? A thousand questions raced through Isobel's mind.
She thought about what she could do for a while. Then, a clear idea formed in her mind. She rang up the hospital where Reginald used to work in Manchester. She would finally take Mrs. Hughes's advice and find something to do.
The head physician was more than happy to welcome Nurse Isobel Crawley back to the Manchester hospital. He said that he could always use the extra hands and that his staff had missed her since she had left for Downton.
She would be on the next train.
She was leaving Downton, abandoning the life she lived here with Matthew. She determined that she would not return, not for a very long time, at least. She did not think that she would be missed.
She had to clear her mind, had to escape.
She went upstairs, pulled out her suitcase, and began packing. As she finished the bags, she carried them to the front door, setting them gently down, ready to take off the next morning on the train.
She determined that no one would stop her. She would be gone before anyone would even notice. She was good at that, at least, sneaking quietly away.
Who would ever chase after her?
…
The next morning, Doctor Clarkson rode his bike over to Crawley House. Lady Violet's revelation carried him forward. His heart was full to bursting. He wanted to help Isobel in any way he could. He was determined, buoyed by the love in his heart.
Did he have the confidence, the nerve to tell her that he loved her?
He arrived at Crawley House. There was a motor car running in the drive and suitcases on the front step.
What in the world is going on? He thought to himself, getting off the bike.
The chauffeur was loading up the car as Richard spied Isobel shutting and locking the front door behind her.
He cleared his throat to announce his presence.
Isobel turned, shocked to find him at her doorstep. "Doctor Clarkson, whatever are you doing here?"
"Mrs. Crawley, are you going somewhere?" Richard was nervous. What had she been planning on doing? Did the Crawleys know?
Isobel gave him a stern look. "It's not really your business, is it? I am going on a small getaway to a place where I am needed." Doctor Clarkson's mouth hung open.
She was going. His Isobel, his Nurse Crawley was leaving. He had to figure out a way to stop her.
"And where might you be needed, if not here at Downton?" Richard asked, watching the driver continue to load her suitcases into the car. It seemed like a lot for a small trip to just get away.
Then, a terrible thought hit him. She was leaving for good.
"I have been invited to return as a nurse at the hospital where Reginald worked in Manchester, if you must know." She sighed, ready to leave and avoid any more conversation. "I leave on this morning's train." Isobel attempted to move past Doctor Clarkson. "Now, I really must be off," she said softly.
As she brushed by him, Richard grabbed her hand. He did not know what possessed him to do it, but now that he had, there was no turning back.
He met her eyes, looking into those brown pools. He always loved her eyes, so sweet, so kind, full of compassion. They were not the same eyes he remembered. They had become lost and distant. He could not see himself reflected in her eyes. They were empty.
"Nurse Crawley…Isobel…please don't go," he murmured, holding her hand tightly.
"Doctor Clarkson…" Isobel started, "I have to go, please release my hand."
"I love you," he whispered. Then, he repeated it with more conviction, as if his voice could will her to stay. "I love you. I have always loved you." He did not let go of her hand and held her gaze. "You feel the need to run, to escape. But, Isobel, that is the last thing that you need to do. I know Matthew's death has driven you to this point, but I implore you to stay. Let me help you. We can find our way out of this darkness together. I love you."
There. Richard had said it, and he felt better for it. He searched her eyes.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, ma'am," the driver broke in, "but, if you don't leave now, you are likely to miss your train."
"Yes, one moment," Isobel told the man. Doctor Clarkson still held his hand in hers. She yanked hers away. She could not bear this conversation. She did not want to hear it. How dare he! How can he be so presumptuous?
She finally snapped.
"My Matthew…" she uttered, a faraway sound to her voice. She then stared at Doctor Clarkson, hands at her side. "You can't begin to imagine how I feel. You have a great deal of nerve to even talk to me about him."
Shock. That was the expression on Richard's face. Utter and complete bewilderment. He had never seen her so incensed. Had he severely miscalculated? Was the Dowager wrong? He took a few steps backward.
Isobel's heart was a jumble of emotions. Many she could not even begin to understand. She continued, "How…how can you tell me this now…that you…?" She could not bring herself to say that one little word. The anger, the pain built in her. "Do you think that I am some feeble, old woman who would fall into your arms? Well, I'm not. Good day, Doctor Clarkson," she seethed. Isobel quickly brushed past Richard and went straight for the car.
"Isobel, please wait, that's…that is not what I meant. Please wait." Richard tried to stop her as she got into the backseat.
The chauffeur shut her door at her request. He got into the front seat, started the engine, and drove down the drive and out of Richard's line of vision.
She was gone. She had left.
Richard rubbed his moustache. He thought long and hard about his next move.
…
That very same morning, the Crawleys had returned to Downton from their short trip away. Lady Grantham and Lady Mary had walked in the door, just settling down when their housekeeper approached them.
"Mrs. Hughes," Cora smiled, "It's good to be back home, even if only gone a short while." She noticed Mrs. Hughes's alarmed expression. "What is it? Has something happened?"
Lady Mary was already walking up the stairs, heading to her room. She wanted to lock herself away for some time, to just be alone, to grieve.
"Yes, your ladyship," Mrs. Hughes replied. "If I could talk to both you and Lady Mary. It concerns Master George." The housekeeper looked up the stairs, hoping the mention of her son's name would persuade Lady Mary to come down.
"Mary, would you stay please?" Lady Grantham requested of her daughter. Mary nodded her head and made her way back down the steps and into the small library.
"Now, Mrs. Hughes," Cora began, sitting on a wingback chair, folding her hands across her lap, "what is going on? You said it concerns George. Did anything happen while we were away?"
"Well, yes, your ladyship." Mrs. Hughes remained standing, and Mary sat on the settee, listening but not looking at her mother or the housekeeper. "You see, it was Nanny West."
"What about her, Mrs. Hughes?" Mary asked. Although Mary did not have the energy to take care of little George now, she did not care much for the nanny that they had hired.
"She would not allow Mrs. Crawley to see her grandson. Mrs. Crawley visited yesterday wanting to see Master George." Mrs. Hughes ran a hand down the side of her skirt, clearly upset at what had transpired.
"Cousin Isobel came here?" Lady Grantham was incredulous, her mouth agape. "Yesterday?"
"Yes, your ladyship."
"Why would she not allow Isobel to see George?" Lady Mary asked. She was concerned about her mother-in-law. She felt ashamed for not checking up on her after Matthew's death. Mary hoped her husband would not be disappointed with her.
"Well," Mrs. Hughes took a breath, "she said that Master George did not need his middle-class grandmother in his life, or to that effect. She blocked the nursery door from what I understand." Mrs. Hughes looked from Lady Grantham to Lady Mary.
"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes," Lady Grantham spoke with authority, "I think I have heard quite enough to demand Nanny West's resignation." Cora stood, walked out of the room, and marched directly into the nursery to confront Nanny West and fire her then and there. No explanation from the horrid woman required.
Mary remained in the small library with the housekeeper. Mary looked down to her hands, her fingers laced. "Mrs. Hughes," she began.
"Hmm?"
"Can I confess something to you?" Lady Mary glanced up at her housekeeper only for a moment.
"If you like, Lady Mary, if you like," Mrs. Hughes replied, looking at the young woman, hoping that eventually she too would come out from the shadows.
"I know I seem a very cold person most of the time," Mary acknowledged. "I don't mean to be. Matthew was able to bring out some of that warmth, buried deep within. Now, I fear that it is lost."
"It doesn't have to be," Mrs. Hughes replied warmly, giving Lady Mary a soft look.
"I confess that I have neglected his mother. I have not seen Isobel since the funeral. I did not check up on her nor insist she come to Downton. I…I just…oh, I don't know…maybe I thought that no one else felt this same pain that I do, this emptiness. All the joy has been snatched from my life, and I forget…I forgot about her, about George. And, I'm ashamed." Mary brought a handkerchief to her eyes. "I do not know why I am telling you all of this, but you…" she met Mrs. Hughes's eyes "…know Cousin Isobel. What I am trying to say or ask is how is she coping?
Mrs. Hughes let out a sigh. "Lady Mary," she answered, "there is nothing harder than losing someone you love, and my heart goes out to all of you. As far as Mrs. Crawley is concerned, I gather that she feels much the same as you. Mr. Matthew is her son, and I imagine that nothing could be worse in the world than a mother to be without her child. She is not the same woman she was before."
"I should have gone to her," Mary declared, "I…we should have been together to help each other. I didn't think."
"Well," the housekeeper replied sagely, "one cannot dwell on what ifs, but you can move forward together, supporting each other."
"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes, for telling me that and for informing us about Nanny West. We will set it right," Mary replied. "Thank you for your service and loyalty to this family."
Mrs. Hughes gave a brief nod and then exited the small library as Lady Grantham returned.
Cora sat beside her clearly upset daughter and rubbed her back. "Nanny West will no longer darken a doorway in this house," she informed Mary. "Darling, shh…shh…it's okay. We will invite Cousin Isobel as soon as possible. Today."
Cora then walked over to the telephone and phoned Crawley House. There was no answer. "Perhaps, she is at tea with Mama," Cora reasoned.
As Lady Grantham settled back on the settee to soothe Lady Mary, Mr. Carson opened the door. "The Dowager Countess, my ladies," he announced.
"Granny," Mary walked over to her, placing a kiss on her cheek. "We thought you may be at tea with Cousin Isobel."
"No, I saw her yesterday," Lady Violet replied, "I came to check in. And to see if Isobel had made it over to see little George." She leaned on her cane and walked over to rest on a chair.
"You mean you have not seen Isobel all day?" Cora asked Violet.
"Not at all."
"I just tried to phone Crawley House and did not get anyone," Cora stated. "I wonder where she may have gone to."
Lady Violet chuckled, "Perhaps, Doctor Clarkson stopped by. Maybe they went somewhere together." Violet's eyes held a spark.
"Honestly, Granny," Mary rolled her eyes.
The three did not have an answer as to where Cousin Isobel may have gone. As they continued to chatter, Mr. Carson once again opened the doors to the small library. "Doctor Richard Clarkson, my ladies," he announced.
"Doctor Clarkson," Lady Grantham began, "we were just talking about you. Might you know where Mrs. Crawley has gone too? Is she working at the hospital?" Cora smiled at him, but then she noticed the expression on his face. She began to worry.
"What is it?" Mary fretted, her face revealing her concern.
"Mrs. Crawley has gone," he announced. "She has left." His voice shook. He knew that the family had to be informed.
What else could he do?
Note: Stay with me on this, readers. I promise there will be light at the end of the tunnel eventually.