Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I do not own any of the character, places, names, or anything associated with the works of J.R.R Tolkien or the Lord of the Rings (books or movie, whatever). My characters are Anita, Leila, and Arlandria and that is all.
Chapter 41: Memories
The next morning came and Anita reluctantly freed herself from the cloying fingers of slumber. With the dense foliage covering the view of the sky, the indomitable light of the sun forcing its way through the tiniest of spaces between leaves and branches to make its presence known to the land below, it was near impossible to know what time of day it was, except to say that it was day. Ani hoped she hadn't slept most of the day away in her exhausted state. Gingerly, the dark haired elleth rolled out of bed, taking care of her stiff muscles as well as the muffled pains coming from her scrapes and bruises. It was days like this that she sorely missed the convenience of ice packs and hot tubs, modern day comforts to ease the little pains. Planting her feet firmly on the ground, Ani stood despite the protest her body put up against such movements. It had always been her strict belief that working through the pain and soreness was better than giving into whininess of her muscles.
As she stood, Anita spied a neatly folded set of clothes that had been placed atop the little table across the cozy nook from her. She knew for a fact that they hadn't been there the night before, which meant that someone had come into the room while she was sleeping to leave the clothing there for her to find. That thought was a little weird for her to wrap her head around. But while Rivendell was a fixture of stone walls, offering some sense of privacy, there was no such concept in Lothlorien. If privacy wasn't a huge deal, then perhaps walking into someone's room while they were sleeping probably wasn't an issue either. Creepy.
While the concept of having someone coming into her room while she was dead asleep made her skin crawl a bit, Anita was in no way going to complain about the possibility of clean clothes. Her travel garb looked less than pristine, which was to say it was filthy. The knees of her leggings had dirt caked into the fabric, and the perilous climb- fall- back down the mountainside had left its muddy marker on her clothing as well. At least dirt would come out, the blood that had dripped from her chin onto her tunic would be a permanent visible trophy of her ungraceful getaway from a troll. Grateful for the chance to strip off the stained clothing she had been traveling in for several days, the elleth used the fresh water and cloth left behind by the maid to scrub her skin til it sang with the sensation of being clean. None too surprisingly, the fresh outfit that had been left for her consisted of a glowing white long sleeved muslin which flowed to the tips of her toes, matched with a slate gray over-robe made from a slightly heavier material that Ani wasn't familiar with.
Pulling the white dress over her head, the girl stopped to look over her shoulder in the mirror at the bruise that decorated her right shoulder blade. Anita was eternally thankful that Elves did heal faster than other inhabitants of Middle Earth, otherwise it would take weeks if not months for the bruise to fade completely. As it was she felt lucky that the multicolored mark looked better, if only just by the tiniest margin.
"Lady Anita?" A voice by the doorway pulled the dark haired girl's attention away from the lesion marring her arm, and she yanked the over-robe into place to ere on the side of modesty. While she might have been comfortable enough in her own home to be defiant about the rules of propriety, she certainly wasn't going to take the same kind of liberties in a land where she was staying as a guest.
"Come in," She replied as she secured a belt around her clothes. Ani startled in surprise when Haldir walked through the curtain that served as a doorway. "Haldir? I…what a surprise!" Walking over to him like long lost friends, she held her hands out to him, which he took in his own and gave a friendly squeeze.
"When they informed me that the violet haired Lady of Rivendell had entered our woods I had to see for myself," A smirk adorned Haldir's usually stern face as he held her much smaller hands in his. "Although I see your appearance is far more conservative than when last we met."
"Honestly I am surprised you recognize me without the purple hair," Ani responded honestly. Despite her bold claims when the guard had captured her coming across the borders, she had only been halfway sure that the Marchwarden would have remembered her at all. "To what do I owe the unexpected pleasure of a visit?"
"I wanted to speak with you. I trust I am not interrupting anything?"
"Not at all. Actually," releasing his hands, Anita walked over to where her travel weary pack had been thrown the night before and retrieved it off the floor, slinging it over her non-injured shoulder. "I was just on my way to see the Fellowship, but I would welcome conversation as we walk."
As the very embodiment of what Elvish morality and civility looked like, Haldir held out an arm to act as her escort. Lightly resting her hand on his forearm as was proper, the two Elves walked down the stairs together. As they followed the paths through the green grass of the forest floor, which looked like little more than deer paths to the untrained eye, Ani inquired about his intentions. "So what did you want to talk about?"
The smirk partly faded from the Marchwarden's face, a somber look filling his eyes. "I came in the hopes you would accept my apology for the way my brother behaved. Orophin is very proud of his position and enforces it with far more vigor than necessary sometimes."
Anita was touched that Haldir would come to extent such an apology to her, however unnecessary it was. "You don't have to apologize for him, really. I had no way of knowing that the Ring was here, if I did I certainly would have been more thoughtful of how I entered these lands. Orophin was fulfilling his duties to Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel as well as the people of Lorien; I would have acted no differently towards an intruder that entered Rivendell."
"You are very gracious."
"I got beaten up by a troll yesterday, I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff." Haldir gave a reserved chuckle at her comment, his laugh was the last thing to pass between them before the pair entered the small clearing where the Fellowship was sharing a breakfast. While Aragorn and Legolas knew about her presence and the trek she had made to be in Lothlorien, the sight of the young elleth came as a shock to others.
"Oi!" Pippin exclaimed, followed by a sentence that was indecipherable around the mouthful of food that was visible to everyone as he tried to speak.
"What she doing here?" Merry managed to translate what Pippin had been trying to say, the same question no doubt on everyone's mind.
With the disruption that her appearance had created in the group, Haldir gently patted her hand which still rested on his forearm. "I will leave you to become reacquainted. I hope to see you again before you depart these lands."
"Me too, thank you Haldir." With the Marchwarden having excused himself, Anita was left to face the questioning stares of the Fellowship. Legolas crossed the small clearing so as not to leave her standing alone, gently laying an arm across her shoulder and guiding her closer to the other men.
"I am surprised you are awake so early, after your hard travels we were certain you would sleep all day." Anita still wasn't convinced she hadn't slept all day. Light filled the air like a golden cloud, offering so sense of when in time they were. The only sensible thing she could do to answer her lover's comment was to give an exaggerated shrug.
"You knew she was here?" Boromir's voice held the slightest hint of accusation woven into his words.
"I entered Lothlorien very late last night, Aragorn and Legolas were the only ones awake to see my arrival. We didn't see cause to awaken anyone else."
"How did you come here?" Gimli didn't seem nearly so irate at her unexpected appearance as Boromir was. The dwarf instead seemed more mildly curious about the situation.
"I walked." The sarcastic explanation was knee-jerk and she had said it almost instinctually, but the feel of Legolas' arm tightening slightly around her shoulder indicated she should probably offer a more in depth response than some snarky and borderline rude comment. "I came over the Pass of Caradhras."
"We found the mountain to be impassible. You say you came over Caradhras alone?" As Boromir echoed Aragorn's sentiment from the night before, the young elleth couldn't help but be curious about what kind of trouble the Fellowship had run into while coming over the mountain pass than left them all so flabbergasted that she had successfully traversed it alone. Had they all run into the same group of orcs and goblins that she had? Surely not, since a group with several skilled fighters in it would have had no problem dispatching of the small patrol she had run across.
"Yes, I climbed it alone. I didn't have any problems on the mountains…other than a run in with some orcs and a troll. If you all didn't come over the mountain how did you end up here?" The change in atmosphere was tangible as the words left her mouth, and it was the first red flag to let the girl know that something was really wrong. With a break in the flow of questions Anita looked around at the suddenly sullen faces of the men around her and was struck by a second unsettling clue in less than a minute. The one person she had expected to badger her the most with questions and disapproving looks an even some reprimanding lectures was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Gandalf?"
Ani had turned her head to look at Legolas, expecting the answer to come from him, but seeing his face her heart plummeted to her toes. Legolas had hundreds of years of practice learning to hide his emotions, even from someone that knew him as well as Ani did. But before he could close his eyes and turn away from her probing stare, she saw the look of obvious pain in his eyes. It was so raw and powerful, it spoke volumes more than any words that a person could conjure, and Anita immediately assumed the worst. Stepping out of Legolas' embrace, she turned her attention to Aragorn, ignoring the sober look on his face she repeated the question. "Aragorn, where is Gandalf?"
The dark haired Ranger didn't answer her straightway, he took a moment to pull the strength he needed to answer her. "Gandalf is dead. He was killed by a demon of fire that awoke from deep within the earth." Silence filled the space between them following his words, accompanied by the overwhelming sadness of those standing around them. The silence lasted well over a minute as the elleth and the man stared at each other, both quietly contemplating the meaning of his words. Finally, Ani found the ability to speak again.
"Wow," she muttered with no real emotion in her voice. Another extended pause followed before she spoke again, "That might be the most badass thing I've ever heard."
Everyone around her was taken aback at the callousness of her words, even for an Elf the lack of grief was startling. "This does not sadden you, this news?"
"Well of course I'm sad Aragorn, Gandalf was a very good friend to everyone in my family. He did a lot of good in this world and was a credit to his kind. But as a two thousand year old wizard, when the times comes to go you gotta go with flair, and being killed by a fire demon is probably the most epic thing in the history of ever."
Aragorn took a step back, a dark look overcoming his face. "Take care of your words, not everyone shares your sentiments." He glanced off to the side and Anita followed his gaze to where Frodo sat sewing his jacket, his big blue eyes rimmed with tears as he stared at her from under dark curls. She realized how much of an ass she must sound like to the hobbit, who had been far closer to the wizard than Anita had ever been . While her statement had been meant in the spirit of honor and awe for Gandalf, it had probably come off sounded more like a cold brush off of a tragic event. Softening her expression she turned to address Frodo directly.
"Frodo I didn't mean it like that." Walking over to the tree he was leaning against, Anita sat down next to the much smaller person. " I only meant that Gandalf was very old and very wise, it's not like he didn't know what he was doing. It was practically in his personality."
"You think he wanted to die like that?" The hobbit's voice was hardly more than a quivering whisper as he fought to keep the precarious hold on his emotions.
"Well, no , not specifically. But Gandalf cared about you very much; when you first came to Rivendell and were very sick he sat with you every minute of the day he could spare. He cared for you and he cared about the success of this quest, he knew what was riding on your safe arrival in Mordor so you could destroy the Ring. Gandalf would have done whatever was necessary to keep you safe; and I'm sure he knew the dangers that you would meet along the way. Given the choice, your life or his, Gandalf would have laid himself in the way of danger even at the expense of his own life every time the choice was laid before him. And if it hadn't happened already, it could have happened tomorrow, or even next week. I know that old man doesn't regret his actions, so don't you dare regret them in his stead."
"I decided that fate for him," Frodo mumbled, a silent tear sliding over his cheek as he turned his eyes down to the jacket in his lap. "It was my choice as the Ring-bearer to enter Moria, it was my choice to go into that evil mine that ended his life. My last memory of my friend will be him falling into darkness."
Guilt swept over Anita as she watched a tear drop from Frodo's eye and stain the crumpled fabric he held so tightly. It wasn't enough that this small man was carrying the responsibility of their entire world on his shoulder, now he would bear the burden of Gandalf's death as well. The Elf sat back and quietly contemplated the true unfairness of predicament. Frodo shouldn't have to fight the evil of Sauron to keep the world safe as well as stave off dark thoughts of guilt about the choice he had made to take the Fellowship through Moria. But there was little that she could do to alleviate the pain the hobbit struggled with. She couldn't take the Ring in his place, Legolas would have a heart attack, neither could she bring Gandalf back to life.
Ani could practically hear the light-bulb flick on above her head as an idea formed. There was one thing that Anita could do, probably the only thing that the girl could do to help. Reaching into her pack, she pulled out the small book of maps she had created using one of her sketchpads. The edges were a little worn and crumpled from being shoved into the depths of the bag, but the centers of the pages were still good. Flipping to the back of the book, she wasn't disappointed to find a few pages that had remained untouched and were a perfect pristine white. Walking over to the fire pit, Anita retrieved a bit of charcoaled wood from the edge of the pyre before returning to her seat next to the hobbit.
"I don't even know how you and Gandalf came to be friends."
Frodo looked up at her, the change in topic leaving him stammering as he searched for words. "He would come to my uncle's birthday parties when he was able. He would bring his fireworks too. Hobbits would come from miles around to see his fireworks- even from as far as Longbottom . It would make him laugh to see how they delighted the children. He and Bilbo would sit around for hours and relive the tales of their great adventure together to the Lonely Mountain…"
As Frodo got swept up talking about fond memories he had with the wizard, Anita put charcoal to paper under the curious gazes of the Fellowship. Legolas was always amazed at how quickly something could form under the girl's skilled fingers when the mood overtook her. The black charcoal moved fluidly over the paper with no hesitation, Ani's eyes intently focused on the task in front of her as Frodo continued to weave stories. Before he knew it, Frodo had talked for a good long hour about the grey wizard and an unbidden smile had chased the tears away while Anita worked. As the hobbit's reminiscing drew to a close with him recalling the giant dragon firework Gandalf had brought to Bilbo's last party as a gag, the charcoal finally stopped creating dark lines against the paper. With one last critical glance at the piece of work she had drawn , Ani carefully removed the page with the finished product from the book and handed it to the young man. The likeness was stunning by all accounts; the smiling face of Gandalf on the page was so well detailed that it appeared lifelike. It was no small wonder that Ani had managed such a drawing in such a span of time. Frodo stared down at the very real face of his deceased friend and smiled sadly. "I will always treasure this."
The elleth stood up, wiping the black dust from her fingertips after tossing the charcoal back into the fire. She didn't say anything, and didn't wait for a more elaborate thank you from the hobbit. Where her words failed to make an empathetic connection, she could at least trust her artistic talents to make up for the fact that she sounded heartless and detached from the situation. The picture was the only gift she had to give him and she was glad to give it. Legolas had watched the entire exchange between Frodo and Ani, and it was apparent to him how the hobbit's emotional turmoil was effecting the girl. Despite the hardened exterior, he knew more than anyone how deeply and freely her emotions could run. With his own emotions now fully in check, Legolas took her smudged hand in his and pulled her away from the clearing and the eyes of the fellowship. Pulling her behind a nearby tree where they wouldn't be seen , the prince leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
"That was very admirable of you," He kissed her again, drawing out the second kiss longer. With a heavy sigh Anita broke the second kiss, the despondency of events having finally caught up with her. Until now, Sauron was a threat only on paper, no real harm had come from his desire to regain his Ring and his power. But now there had been a causality, and the urgency of Frodo's mission was becoming abundantly clear to the young elf.
"Frodo has been asked to carry a very heavy burden, to point , the very fate of life as we know it. It would not be fair to ask him to do this without doing everything we all can to help him. I only wish there was something else I could do, something more I could do to help defeat Sauron than just draw a picture."
Pushing the dark bangs out of her eyes, Legolas wrapped his strong arms around Anita and pulled her close to him, burying his face in her obsidian tresses. "I pray, my love, that the day never comes where you are called upon to offer more."
Memories- Within Temptation