Author's Note: As you can probably guess from the chapter title of this fic, Bilbo will finally get her revenge on her nasty and unpleasant relatives *coughSackville-Bagginscough*

Please enjoy :D

Chapter Sixteen

Revenge upon Unpleasant Relatives

Bilbo could feel the depressive, black cloud start to occur above her head almost as soon as her four dwarves had moved out of sight down Bagshot Row but had forced herself to smile back at her family.

She was able to keep her warm and happy smile for almost two weeks before it started to slip once more into a smile that was forced. The only times her smiles were ever truly there and filled with any kind of warmth was when they were directed towards her son or father and maybe a few of her little cousins who came by to visit with their Took or Brandybuck mothers.

She was surprised by the lack of gossip surrounding her of later. She was expecting with the leaving of her dwarves, wicked tongues would once more be wagging but no, no such thing had occurred. And for that she was grateful.

Maybe I should have threaten to break Lobelia's arm years ago, Bilbo had thought one evening while she made dinner for her father and son before letting out a small laugh.

It was three weeks after the dwarves had left when she was invited around for tea with her Baggins cousins.

"Please Bilbo." Begged Dora, her favourite female Baggins relative, "Please don't leave me all alone with Ma and all the old bats she has invited!"

"Dora!" Bilbo said trying to sound as if she was scolding her cousin, only she was laughing too hard for it to be an effective scolding.

"What? It is true." Dora said with a stamp of her foot. "So will you come? You haven't been around to visit in such a long time. It's not as if we live all the way in Buckland, you'll be home before dinner."

"Dora."

"Please Auntie Bilbo." Dora clasped her hands out in front of her.

"Oh, alright." Bilbo groaned. "But this had better not be some trick to try and set me up with some suitor or other."

Dora pulled a face.

"Of course not! If anything, it'll me they'll be clucking over, saying which son should and could marry me." Dora pulled a quite tragic expression even though Bilbo secretly knew her younger cousin was not nearly as opposed to the idea of marriage as Bilbo herself had been when she been that age.

"I'll be there, Dora." Bilbo reassured her cousin who let out a happy squeal before throwing her arms around Bilbo's neck, crying, "Thank you, thank you," over and over.

"It's next Wednesday, two o'clock. Don't be late; you know how my mother gets when anyone arrives late to one of her afternoon teas."

"That I do Dora."

"Well, I had better be off." The hobbit lass sighed in a resigned matter. "Ma wants me to go to market and pick up a few things."

"Say hello to your mother, father and brothers for me won't you. Is your brother still head over heels for Primula Brandybuck?" Bilbo asked with a soft but amused smile.

Dora rolled her eyes at her younger brother's antics.

"He's trying to learn to row a boat so that he can impress her." Dora said with a delighted shiver. Baggins's were well-known for their great distaste with anything to do with large quantities of water in one place.

Bilbo's mind briefly drifted back to a moment in time that she had spent clinging to the side of barrel as it tumble down a great forest river in the direction of an even greater lake.

"Bilbo?"

"Hmmm…" Bilbo was drawn from her memories by her cousin's warm hand upon her arm, her dark eyes wide with concern.

"Are you quite alright?" Dora asked somewhat cautiously and Bilbo had to fight back a sigh for she could almost see the term 'Mad Bilbo Baggins' moving about her little cousin's head.

"Yes, I'm fine Dora. I think I've just had a bit too much sun today that is all." This seemed to have pacified her little cousin who went on to babble a few more rounds of gossip before taking her leave of Bag End.

Bilbo closed her front door feeling quite warn out. It had been over three weeks since she had had a proper conversation with anyone beside from her father and the Gamgees, the rest of her time had been spent on her book and taking care of her rambunctious son. Her rambunctious son…

Oh, wonderful, now she had to think of someone to take care of him for Wednesday afternoon. If she lived in or near Brandy Hall or Tuckborough she would never have a problem trying to find someone to watch her child, but here in Hobbiton it was quite a problem indeed.

Her papa could simply not keep up with Frodo's energy and none of her Baggins relatives beside from Dora and her family, who were the ones inviting Bilbo over for tea, really wanted anything to do with her child. Bilbo supposed she could always try and pull rank and make one of her Baggins take care of her child for the afternoon but she'd really rather not. She may be the head of the family, much to the disgust of some family members, but she had never felt the need to truly use – or abuse – the power that the title possessed.

She was chewing over her predicament in her front parlour when she heard a gentle knock on her front door.

"Coming." She called and pushed herself out of her favourite chair by the fire and trotted to her front.

"Gaffer." She said with a wide smile once she had discovered who was calling her. Her gardener smiled in return, offering her a large basket of vegetables, freshly pulled from her garden. And she suspected that a few had come from his own as well.

"Oh, Gaffer, thank you. You truly have a gift for making plants grow to their full potential." She said as she took the basket from him and started to admire it contents.

The Gaffer blushed and mumbled that it was his job but thanking you all the same before moving off to take himself off home. He was just about to pass through his gate when an idea occurred to her.

"Gaffer," Bilbo called causing her gardener to look back at her curiously, his curly blond hair shining brightly in the afternoon light.

"I have a favour to ask of you, if that would be alright?"

"Quite alright, Master Baggins." Her gardener replied with a wide grin

"Would you and your wife mind terribly to take care of Frodo next Wednesday afternoon?"

"Of course Miss Baggins, we'd be delighted."

"Thank you Gaffer. It'll only be for a couple of hours."

Gaffer nodded and smiled and bid her good night.

"Good night Gaffer. Say hello to your Father and Bell for me. And to all the children of course."

"I will Master Baggins. Good night." He gave her a cheerful wave before heading off down the lane for home.

Sighing heavily, Bilbo closed her front door and carried her basket of vegetable to the kitchen to start preparing dinner, dreading the coming Wednesday.

Wednesday came all together too quickly for Bilbo. It had been a long time since she had been invited to a formal afternoon tea since before her great adventure. And Ruby Baggins nee Bolger afternoon teas were big events in Hobbiton.

She stared down at her dress in disgruntlement. It was one of her more formal dresses, one that she hadn't worn since the days before her adventure.

It fitted more firmly around her hips and chest than it once had, but she supposed she should expect as much since having a child.

She ran her hands carefully over her stomach and hips, feeling the soft cloth beneath her fingers.

She supposed it was quite a pretty dress but the blue colour of it reminds her all too keenly of Thorin's eyes. But she had no time to change her dress now, so with a deep sigh, she looked away from her oval bedroom mirror and called for Frodo.

Her lad appeared almost immediately in her doorway, his eyes are bright and excited, clutching his wooden dragon closely to his chest.

"Ready?" Bilbo asked with a small smile.

"es Mama." He beamed up at her before reaching his arms up for her to pick him up.

"Goodbye Papa. Afternoon tea is on the kitchen table." Bilbo said as she kissed her father's temple from where he sat in his favourite chair by the fire in the front parlour.

"Good – Good bye. Take care of yourself," he wiggled his fingers lightly beneath Frodo's chin causing the little boy to giggle, "you be a good boy, now won't you my lad?"

"es, Grampas."

"See you tonight. If you need anything, the Gamgee's…"

"Dear heart, I will be fine, now off with you or you'll be late." Her father said with a soft smile and waved her out of the room.

"Alright, sweetheart, off we go." Bilbo said as she closed Bag End's great round green door and resettled her son upon her hip.

It was a short walk to Number 3, Bagshot Row and it was almost like second nature to knock on the familiar yellow front door.

Bilbo smiled when she heard the loud squeals of several children as they raced to the front door, completely ignoring the incoherent yells of adults from deeper within the hobbit-hole.

The yellow door swung open revealing a well-rounded youth in his late teens with a wide smile and bright dark eyes.

"Good afternoon Hamson." Bilbo greeted the youth who beamed back at her as his younger sibling tried to shove their way out the door.

"Good afternoon Master Bilbo, how are… would you lot knock it off!" the boy growled in annoyance at his shoving siblings behind him.

"But we want to say hello too!" one cried angrily trying to around Hamson form.

"Stop hogging Miss Bilbo all to youself." Another cried and Hamson gave yelp as a well aimed kick hit him in the back of his leg.

Bilbo took a few hurried steps back to avoid having the teen fall upon her and her child. The moment Hamson was out of the way the rest of the Gamgee children came streaming out the front door, crying loudly and cheerily their delight at her visiting them.

"Well, hello all of you," Bilbo said with genuine affection. She had always had a soft spot for children, all children no matter their race or who their parents were.

"Halfred you're getting taller! And look at you two, getting prettier every time I see you." Bilbo said smiling at the two Gamgee girls who beamed back at her in delight, their round cheeks flushing brightly.

"Oi, didn't I tell you lot to wait for me!" the children's eyes grew wide and before looking remorsefully back within their hobbit-hole as their mother strode towards them with young Samwise sitting on her hip, quietly playing with her curls.

"Good afternoon Bell."

"Afternoon Miss Baggins. I hope these lot didn't run you over. Hamson, what are you doing on the ground?" Bell Gamgee asked as she gave her eldest child a very bland look causing the lad to blush and hop quickly to his feet.

"Nothing, ah, inspecting the dirt?"

"Oh, and was it in need of such close inspection?" Bell asked drily.

"Ah… yes?" Bell rolled her eyes before giving Bilbo a small amused smile.

"Are you staying for tea Miss Bilbo?" May, the youngest of the Gamgee girls, asked hopefully.

"No, I'm afraid not." Bilbo replied regretfully. She would far more prefer to stay here with the Gamgees than spend an afternoon with stuck up relatives, even though she was quite fond of her cousins Dora, Drogo, their rascal of a little brother Dudo and their mother too. That is when the woman wasn't running one of her mad tea parties. Her tea parties made the usually calm and quiet Ruby Baggins quite unbearable due to her desire for complete perfection during the whole event.

The Gamgee children pouted up at her.

"But, I do have a big favour to ask all of you?" Bilbo said trying to get the children smiling once more. "Could you possibly take care of Frodo for the afternoon?"

"Of course." The two Gamgee girls beamed back at her brilliantly. The eldest girl, Daisy, came forward with her arms open to take the beaming Frodo from his mother's arms, the little boy smiling brightly at her as she did so.

"DAY!" He cheered as he wrapped his arms around her neck, causing the girl to giggle before she and May started cooing over him.

"Alright, well, he seems happy enough, so I'll sneak off while he's occupied." Bilbo said to Bell as the two mothers watched the children play.

"I'll be back before dinner time." She added and Bell nodded.

"He's welcome to stay for dinner, if need be." Bell replied as she gently bounced her baby on her hip.

Bilbo smiled fondly at sweet, little Samwise, her arms itching to hold him and coo over him but she had not the time, so with a final wave to the children and their mother, she head off down Bagshot Row towards Fosco and Ruby Baggins hobbit-hole, with more than a hint of dread in her stomach.

And she quickly discovered, the moment she entered Froso and Ruby Baggins hobbit-hole that she had every right to dread.

"What is Lobelia and Lotho Sackville-Baggins doing here?" she asked the youngest of Froso and Ruby's three children who had been desperately trying to escape the tea party unseen as she entered the hobbit-hole.

"Uh," Dudo said looking over at the two people in question, "not entirely sure to tell you the truth. I wasn't aware they were even coming until, well, they came through the front door. Can I go now Auntie Bilbo? I want to sneak out before Mother gives me another chore to do." The tween looked nervously in the direction of his mother who was conversing Rosa Baggins.

"Alright, off with you, you scamp. Try to stay out of trouble."

"Oh, I will." The boy replied with a wicked and cheeky gleam in his eyes before he shot off towards the front door.

Bilbo shook her head after her cousin before clenching her face into a smile, strode into the front parlour.

"Billanna!" Ruby cried in delight as she stopped her conversation with Rosa Baggins to come to Bilbo's side to give her a huge. Getting a hug from Ruby Baggins when she was in one of her less than frantic moods was much like how she remembered being hugged by her long-time deceased mother.

Bilbo tentatively returned the hug, knowing that if she allowed herself to fully relax into the embrace she would most likely humiliate herself by starting to cry. And that was the last thing she wanted to do in front of Lobelia and Lotho Sackville-Baggins.

"How are you, sweetheart?" Ruby gushed once she had released her. "You're looking a bit thin in the face, sweetness." Ruby said her eyes wide with worry that had Bilbo blushing.

"I'm fine, thank you, Aunt Ruby." Bilbo said with a small, but genuine smile.

"And your little one? How is he? Still getting into everything?"

Bilbo couldn't help but give a rather un-lady like snort.

"But of course. Yes, he is well too."

"Is your father taking care of him this afternoon? Oh, bother…" Ruby said as she started wringing her hands worriedly, "I did forget about how young your little one is. I should have thought…"

"It's perfectly alright, Aunt Ruby." Bilbo said quickly, hopping to stop the storm of worry that would surely come if she left Ruby to ramble on, "He's staying with the Gamgees for this afternoon."

Bilbo heard a rather unkind snort from somewhere nearby but she ignored. She refused to allow herself to be riled up or insulted this afternoon.

"Oh, that's a relief. They have a young son close to Frodo's age don't they?" Ruby asked once more gushing happily.

"Yes, yes they do. Young Samwise. And their daughters quite simply adore him, so he's in very good hands. The best even. I can't think of anyone better to mind him."

"Because no one else will." She heard someone whisper and several sniggers following the comment. Ruby had obviously heard the comment and sniggers for she was wringing her hands once more.

Bilbo, to save her aunt from wringing her hands to death, quickly moved across the room to where Dora was sitting with some of the younger lasses attending the tea party.

"Auntie Bilbo." Dora exclaimed in delight as Bilbo sat down with the lasses, some smiling at her while others looked at her with varying looks of distaste.

Bilbo fought back a sigh. Why had she come here today? Honestly, why?

She didn't pay much attention to the chatter around her in the parlour, instead allowed for her mind to drift. Though only for a time as voices and words have nasty habit of dragging one from the peace of their own thoughts, especially when said voices are cruel and the words they speak are unkind and about oneself and family.

"What I find truly terrible about young people these days is that they think that they can get away with anything without a single thought about the consequences." Lobelia snotty, stuck-up voice broke through Bilbo's thoughts. She forced herself to not openly react to the comments. Only this quickly proved to be impossible.

"I quite agree Aunt Lobelia." Replied Hilda, Lobelia's niece, with a snotty sniff. Her young daughter Celandine who was sitting between Hilda and Lobelia was pressing her face into her hands.

She peeked through her fingers over to Bilbo who forced herself to smile reassuringly back at the young lass, who took far more after her Brandybuck of a father than she did after her Bracegirdle mother.

Bilbo once more tried to shut out the nasty voices out of her head, but it was growing increasingly harder to do so as Lobelia got more and more of Bilbo's snottier female relatives going.

"And let's not get started on the problem of inheritance laws these days." Lobelia said and Bilbo's fingers were curling into fists. "It seems that these days the laws have grown quite slack on important matters such as cutting off ones rightful heirs and naming a bastard in their stead."

Bilbo's fingernails were digging into her palms.

"And not any kind of bastard, right Aunt?" Hilda snickered nastily.

"Quite right, dear niece." Lobelia said with a cold and wicked smile in Bilbo's direction, "but a bastard who I do believe isn't quite altogether a hobbit."

There were collective gasps all around the parlour.

"Lobelia!" Ruby gasped as she pressed a hand over her heart, her face was bright red and filled with horror.

"Yes Ruby?" Lobelia asked serenely, "Is something the matter?"

Ruby seemed to be quite beyond words, her hand still fluttering over her heart.

"I am only speaking the truth. Anyone who consorts with," Lobelia's wrinkled her face in disgust, "people of different races should expect such a thing. And I'm only saying that those who do should do the courtesies thing and not inflict their presences upon the rest of us and should remove their illegitimate child from succession where they should never have been placed to begin with. I mean, it really is only proper and right thing to…"

"Lobelia?" Bilbo could no longer take it. She had sat idly by and allowed this horrible old bat insult her and her family for far too long. She was going to put a stop to this, once and for all.

She could feel all eyes upon her but she ignored them as she met her cousin-in-law straight in the eyes, causing Lobelia's cheeks to flush a dull pink.

"Yes Billanna?" Lobelia asked her voice snotty but Bilbo was pleased to detect as hint of fear in her pale eyes.

This knowledge caused Bilbo to smile which seemed to disturb all of her relatives who had been insulting her for the better half of the afternoon while causing her other relatives, those who were fond of her to smile back, clearly delighted to see her finally taking a stand against these nasty women. In particular Lobelia as she was their leader of sorts.

"May I have a word with you? In private?" Bilbo asked in a sickeningly sweet tone, her smile only growing as she watched Lobelia swallow nervously.

"Aunt Ruby?" She turned to look at her aunt who had gone back to wringing her hands, her face very red and looking altogether quite miserable.

"Yes Billanna?" She asked in a soft voice and looking quite close to tears causing for Bilbo the wish that she could hug her, but now was not the time.

"I was wondering if I might borrow Uncle Fosco study for a few moments, if that's alright?"

"Oh yes, of course." Ruby babbled weakly as she stood up from her chair and pointed in the direction that Bilbo knew Fosco's study to be in.

"He's out at the moment, so you should have all the privacy you need." Ruby continued nervously while Bilbo smiled at her gratefully all the while thinking 'I very much doubt that'.

"Coming Lobelia?" Bilbo said looking back at her cousin-in-law cheerfully, "I think you and I need to have a little chat. It's quite overdue, I do believe. Wouldn't you agree? Sorry, Lotho, but I only wish to speak to your mother at this present moment in time." Bilbo said as she waved her once-husband-to-be back into his seat causing him to glare back at her in return. Which Bilbo ignored and after making sure that Lobelia was following her out of the parlour, she walked with her head held high towards Fosco's study.

"Yes Billanna?" Lobelia asked with a tight little smile, her eyes narrowing as she watched Bilbo close and lock the door of the study securely behind them. "What is it?"

Bilbo took a deep breath and allowed form some of the fury, humiliation and pain that she had been feeling for years, swell within her chest.

"I thought it was time that we had a chat, as our conversations are usually quite one sided, don't you agree? Well, this conversation is going to be very much like our usual ones, expect with this one, I will be the one speaking and you will stand there and listen to every word I say and not say a single word in return. Only I think you'll find what I have to say to you much more nerve-wracking, life-changing than anything you have ever said to me ever was."

"I don't have to listen to you." Lobelia sneered.

"Oh but dear cousin, I think you'll discover that you really do, for if you don't I could make your life and the life you are very much accustomed to very, very uncomfortable for you. But then," Bilbo nonchalant shrug, "I could still make your life very uncomfortable for you even if you do listen to every word I speak in this moment. But it's all up to you. Will you listen to me… or will you not? Either way I'm perfectly happy to play out my revenge," Bilbo smiled widely.

Bilbo leant back against Fosco beautiful carved wooden desk as Lobelia chewed spitefully over her words.

"Fine." She snapped and Bilbo smirked.

"Good choice. Now you have to listen to every word I say or…"

"Yes, yes, now get on with." Lobelia snapped but Bilbo could clearly read the fear and apprehension in her eyes.

"Lobelia," She spoke calmly and coolly, allowing for all her pain and humiliation to fuel her words while still keeping a tight grip upon them all at the same time. "Lobelia, I have taken everything you have said to me or about me with reasonable grace, would you not agree?" She didn't given her cousin-in-law time enough to agree or disagree before she continued on, "I have listened to every sneered comment and nasty remark you have made and I have not said a word in retort. I have breathed not a word about that particularly unfortunate incident that occurred in my front garden a few weeks ago, even though I have every right to do so. And if you had not proceeded to push my hand to day, I would have continued to have kept my mouth shut about, well, everything, but now? I have had enough." She stopped smiling now and allowed for her face to contort into scowl that had Lobelia taking a step away from her and towards the locked door, "I will no longer put up with your insults, jibs, sneered remarks or cruel comments and rumours you continually spin about me and my child!" Bilbo felt herself start to lose control over her temper and forced herself to take a few deep calming breathes before continuing, trying to imagine herself to be like cold fire. Like how she remembered him, whenever he was truly furious. A blazing fire captured within freezing ice. That was how she wanted to appear in this moment. In this moment she wanted to be like him.

Lobelia opened her mouth to start protesting or shoot back some kind of retort only Bilbo did not give her the time to do so.

"If you so much as speak another word about my child, my father, or about any of my friends, be they hobbits, elves, wizards or dwarves or about myself, I will see you ostracized from this day onwards from all polite company within the Shire. And don't even think for a single moment," Bilbo snapped as Lobelia started to protest, her eyes wide with shock and horror, "that I won't. I am the head of this family, and yes, I may be considered by some as 'Mad Bilbo Baggins' but I still have all the powers that a head of a family possess. And I'm not just the head of this family, am I? If you will please, remember that I also have important family members in the Took and Brandbuck clans. Please remember that my mother was the daughter of the Old Took and that her youngest brother is still Thain for the Shire and he would only be too glad to put a stop to horrible rumours that you have been spinning for all these years. Both him and the Master of Brandy Hall, I believe, and not just them I can assure you. Please believe me when I say, Mrs Sackville-Baggins, that if I so much as breathe the word, you would become a social pariah in a heartbeat."

"You wouldn't." Lobelia stuttered as she placed a hand over her heart as she stared at Bilbo in disbelieve and horror.

"I would." Bilbo replied coolly, "Please don't underestimate me Lobelia. If I hear so much as a whisper, you and your family will be finding yourselves in need of moving to Bree as you will no longer be welcome in any parlour within all the Shire. Good afternoon." Bilbo finished with a wide smile as she stared at her pale cousin-in-law whose hands were still fluttering over her chest as Bilbo moved past her to open the study door, not at all surprised when several lady hobbits fell onto the floor at her feet. She knew there would be eavesdroppers, which made the whole exchange all the better.

Hobbits were notorious sticky-beaks and gossipers, so it would only be a matter of time before all the Shire knew of Bilbo's threat to Lobelia which would be an even greater incentive for Lobelia to keep her mouth shut for the moment she didn't someone would let someone else know and well… Goodbye Sackville-Baggins.

Grinning widely at the very thought, she stepped carefully over the fallen hobbits, said her goodbyes and thank youse to the hobbit ladies who had remained in the front parlour, all of whom were looking at her with questioning expressions but seemed to be content with her smile for now.

She knew well enough that she would be receiving multiple callers in the coming days from curious relatives such as Dora and her mother – she must make a note to make a very nice afternoon tea for dear Ruby as the poor hobbit lady still looked to be quite distressed with how her afternoon tea had gone – but at the current moment in time Bilbo was in no mood to answer any questions, simply desiring to be of the smial and outside in the fresh air underneath the sky with the lowering sun warming her face.

Author's Note: I really enjoyed writing this chapter. It was fun writing a chapter all about hobbits and their social politics. I love the Gamgees and the Baggins.

Anyway, one more chapter to go before we jump to a number of years (won't tell you how many, but fear not, Frodo will not be thirty-three) and the story really starts going... except for the poor writer it doesn't because the stupid build up chapters just don't want to write themselves *pouts*. Most annoying and frustrating but I'll get around it, I'm just writing a lot slower than usual and the amount of rewrites is horrific ;_; but I will be victorious!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next Chapter -More Relative Only This Time of a Curious Nature