Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. I do not own any of the character, places, names, or anything associated with the works of J.R.R Tolkien or the Lord of the Rings (books or movie, whatever). My characters are Anita, Leila, and Arlandria and that is all.
Chapter 54: Shatter Me
The sharp pain only lasted for a second, and by the time that Anita had blinked, the total darkness had abated too. She was no longer in Meduseld, no longer surrounded by the sleeping forms of drunken party goers, no longer in a place she recognized. The elleth stood in the middle of an unfamiliar room, lit only by a single unseen light, leaving the corners and far walls in deep shadows. Her surroundings were the only thing that had changed though, she remained standing in the same position she had been when she grabbed for Pippin, and she could still feel the loose fabric of his linen shirt twirled around her fingers. The hobbit himself though, was invisible to her eye; the only proof she had they were still connected was the tangible sensation on her fingers. Ani swiveled her head around to assess her shadowed surroundings, her grip on Pip's shirt tightening as anxiety crawled up her spine. A dark figure stepped forward from the shadows, causing the elleth jump in surprise then tense up.
Whoever he was, he was beautiful. And that was a word that Anita didn't easily apply to a man. He was tall with long black hair which fell around his shoulder in glossy tiers. He had strong cheekbones, and black eyes which were offset by his extreme pallor. His brow and chin were strong and defined; the angles of his face were better chiseled than Greek statues. It was the very fact that he was so beautiful that first put Ani on alert, apprehension sitting heavily in her chest. It was as though he had been put together with the specific intention of luring her with his good looks. As surely as Ani studied the man before her, he was studying her just as thoroughly; his gazing piercing her as though he could see to the very core of her soul and dissect her piece by piece.
"What is your name?" His voice was deep and slightly husky, full of command. Ani's control of her voice had left her, and she found herself quite unable to give any answer to his question. His eyebrows furrowed slightly and he raked his harsh gaze over her again. "Can you understand me?" Perhaps it was her sense of self-preservation that finally shook her free of paralysis, but Ani nodded to answer his demand. "Then you will answer the question. What is your name?"
Instinct was screaming at her to get away, get far, far away from his man in front of her; but somehow she knew that running was only going to make him mad. She got the sense that she didn't want to make him mad. "Anita." She finally forced her mouth to form her name and pushed it out in a rush of air, causing to sound more like a sneeze than an actual name.
The man in front of her stepped forward and began to circle around her in slow controlled steps, his eyes ever studying her, a smirk on his face at the small victory he had won. "Anita? Not an Elvish name I think," He stopped his tracks briefly by her ear to whisper his next question, "Do you know who I am, Lady Anita?" Again the elleth shook her head. No she didn't really know who he was…
But boy did she have an idea.
He began his long strides around her in circles again, the movement reminding Anita uneasily of a vulture and his prey. A throaty laugh that would in no way be associated with mirth gurgled up from the man. "I have gone by many names over the centuries of my existence; you however, Lady Anita, you may call me…" He came to stop in front of her, his eyes locking onto hers for effect, "…Mairon."
Cold, hard fear manifested through every inch of Anita' body when she heard the name. He couldn't know that she knew it; he had probably taken one look at her and deemed her too young to associate the name with anything. But she knew it, she had read about him before she had departed from Rivendell, when she had been doing research on Mordor. That was how she knew that it wasn't his real name. He was trying to trick her; she had been right about his appearance, and now about the name too, he was trying to seduce her into a false sense of security. He couldn't predict that Anita knew that Mairon was the name given to one particular Maia before he descended into darkness.
Sauron.
The man before her was a physical projection of the Dark Lord himself. The realization made the elleth begin to quiver as panic set in. She squeezed Pippin's shoulder harder, if only to anchor herself to the feeling that she wasn't alone, even if the only thing with her was an invisible Hobbit. Seeing her reaction, Sauron's grin grew a little bigger, almost wolfish, her sense of alarm obviously pleasing to him. "Perhaps you can be of assistance to me while you are here. I seem to have misplaced an item very…precious…to me. A Ring…"
"I haven't seen it." Ani blurted out. She had always been a piss poor liar.
"Ahhh, but you know who has it do you not?" The elleth began to shake her head but Sauron held up one hand, "Now, now, allow me to persuade you. Tell me where my Ring is, and in exchange I will give you something you desire. I will send you home. I am very powerful, I can see this done, if you will but tell me where to find my Ring."
'Home' didn't mean Rivendell, there was no mistaking that. Even as he spoke, the scene around them changed from the dismal room to one of concrete and tall glass buildings. The glass reflected the bright light of a noon day sun, the stone and concrete sucking up the heat within the hard surfaces to disperse later. The smell of diesel fuel filled her nose with every breath, and bits of dust tickled across her skin with the gentle breeze. They were standing beneath the enormous red sculpture which stood erect outside the main library in downtown, the one her mother used to take her and Lei to. A pigeon strutted past her as Ani remained steadfastly locked in the same standing position she had been in, her fear keeping her rooted to one place. How could Sauron know about this place, how could he make it all so real unless…unless they were really in Tucson? Was she home?
No. In her heart she knew, this was nothing more than an illusion, albeit a good illusion. This was all merely smoke and mirrors, a mind game, a continuation of Sauron's attempt to trick her into trusting him. Anita was determined not to be fooled. If this was an illusion, there was a way to break it. She needed to break it; she needed to get away from this trickster, this master manipulator. The Dark Lord was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to take him up on his offer. "I don't..."
"Come now," His control was starting to slip, he wasn't used to having to negotiate, he was used to getting what he wanted through intimidation and power. Playing this game with a little girl was clearly beneath his stature. "Before you give an answer you may later regret, allow me to sway you with an ultimatum. If you help me, yes, I will send you back to the world of your birth, the world where your mother still abides. But, if you continue to refuse me, I will see your home burned to ashes and the earth salted so that nothing will ever again rise from the dirt." Again the scene round them changed, they remained in Tucson; however, now everything was engulfed in an inferno. Flames licked every visible surface, the smell of brimstone so acute that Ani could taste it on her tongue. The sound of screams and sobbing could be heard all around her as building began to collapse and disintegrate. "Is it truly worth it, to deny me what is rightfully mine? To see your home destroyed protecting a land and a people that do not want you? Where you will wander alone, unwanted and unloved, burdened by the knowledge that your choices led to the death of your mentor? Will you bloody your hands further?!"
He was inside of her head, in every manner of speaking. Ani understood that now. Somehow, some way he had gained full access to the innermost workings of her mind. He was seeing all her hopes and fears displayed before him like a book, flipping through page by page to discover where he could hurt her worst. It was why his threats set her to shaking, and why every word was a dagger straight to her heart. It was also why Tucson had appeared so real, it had been a picture conjured up from her own memories. Even armed with this knowledge, Sauron's question continued to eat at her 'is it worth it?'. She squeezed her eyes shut to block out the distracting imagery of destruction around her. Was it worth it to try and save this world at the risk of another? Could she live with herself if she sold out Middle Earth to save Tucson? How could she choose between two different worlds? 'Unwanted and unloved', she couldn't get that phrase to stop repeating over and over in her head. She was the oddity here, and no matter how hard she had tried over the last seven years, she was still the oddity, she would only ever be the oddity. The bastard child of Elladan, the girl with the purple hair. Her heart ached at such a dark thought, and she gripped Pippin's shirt so hard that her knuckled turned white with the effort, and her nails bit into the poor hobbit's shoulder.
But something bit back. Opening her eyes, Anita's gaze fell on the ring that adorned her left hands, the purple gems grinding against the soft flesh of her palms as she continued her ironclad grasp. The ring that Legolas had given her. A ring that signified his commitment. The elf that had defied social protocol time and time again for her. Because he loved her.
Ani needed to get out of here fast, before Sauron could try to manipulate her further. Think, think, think! The illusions started when she grabbed Pippin, and she had grabbed Pippin just when the hobbit had laid his hands on the Palantir. That was the answer then; she had to disconnect herself and Pip from the Palantir and Sauron would lose any control he had over their minds. She was only going to have one shot at this before Sauron figured out what she was doing, so she had to give it everything she had. Anita latched her fingers tightly onto Pippins invisible shoulder, holding on as though her life depended on it.
"No matter how you try to twist or poison your words, you cannot stand there and tell me I am unwanted or unloved, because love is concept you have no understanding of," As she spoke she adjusted her feet to a wider stance, giving her plenty of leverage, "I know where your Ring is Sauron. And I tell you now, you will never find it, nor will it ever be returned to your possession."
Sauron's once placid face turned into a snarl, his good looks melting away as his control cracked and chipped, revealing a terrifying and disfigured monster beneath. "Your home will burn!" He screeched.
As calmly as she could in spite of the panic overwhelming her senses, the elleth replied, "I am the daughter of Elladan. Rivendell is my home." And with that last jab, the girl pulled back on Pippin and hard as she could, every ounce of strength going into this one mighty jerk. As Pip's fingers disconnected from the magical orb, the illusion shattered around them like millions of shards of glass. The wooden floor of the bedroom rushed up to meet her as the force of her movement sent both her and Pippin sprawling. In the same instant her body collided with the floor with jarring force, the bedroom door burst open with Aragorn and Legolas rushing in. She watched the Ranger snatch up the glowing orb only to fall victim to same terrible magic that Anita and Pippin had just experienced, his body slumping to the floor limply. Every nerve ending in her body came alive in that moment, reawakened by returning to reality, and the elleth convulsed with the sudden pain. It felt as though her very bones were on fire, torturing and scorching her from the inside. She bit down hard on her lip to prevent crying out as she writhed on the floor, but the sound escaped anyway in the form of a strangled groan.
The elleth focused on her breathing, ignoring the shouts and movement all around her as she tried to push through the pain. In through gritted teeth, out through the nose, repeat. Slowly the pain became less acute, minute by minute and breath by breath, until the elleth felt in control enough to roll over. Gandalf was hunched over a motionless Pippin, whispering an incantation while Merry watched on. Anita opened her mouth to call out to Pippin, but only a raspy gasp came out, her voice almost completely gone. Had she not been fast enough to get her and Pip away from Sauron's power? Still shaking, the girl placed her hands on the ground and tried to push herself up; her legs however were wholly uncooperative.
Pippin finally came to, shaking like a leaf, and begging for Gandalf's forgiveness for his foolishness. She could hear Gandalf grilling the poor Hobbit about what he had experienced in the Palantir and what he had seen; but Anita wasn't focused on what Pip was saying, she was solely focused on getting her trembling legs to hold her weight. She imagined that this is what being struck by lightning must feel like if one had to survive that unpleasant experience. Gentle hands took hold of her upper arms and pulled her to her feet, helping her regain her balance as she stood.
"Are you alright?" Legolas whispered as he looked her over from head to toe for any visible signs of injury.
"Yeah," She replied in a hoarse whisper, gratefully leaning against his lithe frame for support. Gandalf turned his accusatory gaze on her, causing her to shrink back against Legolas further. The white wizard left Pippin to recover on the floor and stepped in her direction.
"What happened?"
"Saw Pip with the Palantir, tried to stop him, wasn't fast enough." Ani didn't care that her sentence was broken; it still hurt to try and talk. And beyond the fact that her voice hadn't yet fully returned , there was a funny taste in her mouth since she had woken up from the illusion caused by the Palantir; apparently evil tasted like charcoal and old eggs.
"Did he speak to you? Did you tell him anything?" Gandalf's voice was more urgent now than anything else.
"He wanted to know where his Ring was." God her throat felt dry, she tried to swallow thickly but it did little to help her parched mouth.
"Speak child!" The white wizard barked, growing impatient," What did you tell him?"
"What could I have told him?" Anita snapped back, "I don't know where the hell the Ring is. In theory Frodo has it, in theory he's taking it to Mount Doom, but in reality he could be dead in a ditch and the Ring long gone." That speech left her throat stinging and feeling quite raw, and by the look on Gandalf's face the wizard wasn't amused by her attitude.
"I will only ask you once more Anita, what have you told Sauron?"
Sighing deeply in resignation, the elleth finally gave a straight answer, "I didn't tell him anything except my name. I said I didn't know where the Ring was or who had it, although he didn't believe me on either account."
"Did he ask anything else of you? Are you certain that all you told him was your name? Was there any hint of his plans?" The barrage of questions had the unexpected effect of making Anita feel claustrophobic. All at once the room was too small, there were too many people, too many questions, too many problems for such a small space.
Jerking herself free from the support of Legolas' embrace, the elleth stumbled towards the door, "I need air!" Pushing past Aragorn on the way to the door, the Ranger glanced pointedly at the Wizard to see if he should prevent her exit, but Gandalf shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. Pippin had already given Gandalf plenty of information, and it was clear that Ani was too shaken to talk. Legolas followed behind the dark haired elleth as she stumbled and bumped her way through the halls of Meduseld looking for the exit. Finding the Great Hall, Anita threw herself at the large wooden doors that sprang open with the force of her body slamming against them. Once outside, Anita took deep gulping breaths of the crisp night air, her hands resting on the stone pillar at the top of the stairs to support her weight. Legolas didn't say anything as he watched her or a few moments, her slim frame still trembling as she rested against the carved stone pillar.
"Is Pippin going to be alright?" She finally rasped, her voice slowly returning, realizing guiltily that she hadn't asked after the Hobbit's condition.
"I believe that he will yet live, if Gandalf doesn't skewer him for stealing the Palantir." Anita simply nodded as Legolas spoke, silence falling over them as the prince finished speaking. He knew better than to press an issue with the girl before him, no matter how badly he wanted to question her; when she was ready to talk about something, only then, would she talk about it. So instead he chose to wait patiently until she was ready. The silence dragged on for several moments, the only sound was Ani's ragged breathing.
"Have you ever taken a hard look at the day you are having and think 'this is not my life' ?" Legolas didn't reply to odd question, sensing that Anita wasn't actually seeking an answer so much as trying to vent in her own strange way. Sliding her body down the length of the pillar, the elleth sat down on the top step of the stair leading down into the village below, her head and shoulder now the only parts of her body resting against the pillar. Legolas came and sat beside her, waiting quietly until the elf next to him was ready to finish her thought. "I didn't realize how sheltered I was in Rivendell," She finally continued, not daring to look at Legolas, "Now that I've been outside the walls and seen what's happening out here…let's just say it's been a while since I hoped I was a coma patient and all this was a bad dream."
"Anita", Legolas said calmly and in a soothing voice, "what did Sauron say to you?"
"Wanted to know where his Ring was," She replied flatly.
"What else?" Legolas knew her well enough to know that there was something deeper that was bothering her, something that had happened during the encounter with the Dark Lord that had left her trembling like a new born baby.
Her voice was so quiet when the reply came, that even Legolas with his superior Elven hearing had to strain to hear her. "He threatened Tucson. Said if I didn't tell him where his Ring was he would burn it to the ground….he threatened my mother…" Her voice slowly trailed off as she wrapped her arms around her torso as if to fend off cold that both elves knew she didn't feel in the first place.
Legolas shifted on step next to her, his eyes were scanning the skies to the east where dark clouds had been slowly building for days. "Sauron is a master of manipulating other's fears, he would say whatever was necessary to scare you if he thought it would make you tell him who possess his Ring. You must know that he is not any closer to getting it. All the peoples of Middle Earth are doing what they can to prevent him from ever again having the power to destroy whole worlds."
"I hope you're right," Ani turned her head just enough to catch his gaze out of the corner of her eye, " because I put an awful lot of faith in a four foot Hobbit just now when I told Sauron to fuck off. I'm responsible for several billion lives if that evil man gets his Ring back and makes good on his threats." Legolas didn't have a response for that, although he knew that Ani was looking for some word of comfort, but he had none to give. Silence fell over the two elves as they sat there, weighed down by trepidation of what the future could hold. Anita blew a slow breath out between pursed lips before turning her head fully to study Legolas' profile. Something had happened to them since he had departed Lothlorien, some rift had come between them, but Ani couldn't quite put her finger on it. Surely he could feel it as well as she could though, there was a distance in their relationship that hadn't been there before. She was overcome by the need to fix it, to make their relationship whole again. The girl had already had to learn to live with being parted from Glorfindel; she wouldn't stand to lose Legolas too, not if there as something she could do to stop it. There had to be something she could do to bring them closer again. " I told Sauron my home was Rivendell, " Anita chose to break the silence by voicing an epiphany she had while speaking to Sauron, " but honestly, in my heart, I still thought of Arizona when I thought of home….i just didn't realize that until I saw it burning."
Legolas turned his focus from the darkening sky to look over the girl sitting next to him and was shocked to see the vulnerability written on her features. "You regret coming here then?"
"No, not really. I just miss it is all. I miss the first monsoon of the season, I miss the Dia de los Muertos celebrations in the autumn, I miss the rhythm and routine of city life. Mostly though, I miss how I fit in to life there, how there was a place for me, how it all made sense. There were no Dark Lords or magic Rings; there was no imminent world destruction at hand. Hell even my first few years here, when I didn't understand ANYTHING about this world made more sense to me than life does now. When I first came to Rivendell everything was easy; I hated my dad, loved my sister, hated this world, but loved you. Easy peasy. Nothing complicated mucking everything up."
"Han," Legolas reached up to stroke her long black tresses as they swept around her shoulders, "Middle Earth has survived his tyranny before, and we will do so again. The people will rise up and fight against his evil, and Sauron will be defeated. Evil will not prevail. And when he has been defeated life will continue on, and all will return to peace. You will return to your life in Rivendell, just as it used to be. And while it may not seem like it now, in a hundred years or so this will be nothing more than a fading memory in one of a thousand lifetimes you will live."
" 'Used to be' ?" She sneered, "There is no 'used to be', certainly not one we can go back to. We can't return to life like we didn't lose people we love, we can't un-see what happens out here. Glo used to say that we learn lessons from victories and defeats; we just remember the defeat's lessons a little better. I know I have learned some hard lessons out here, God help us all if we forget those lessons and try to return to what 'used to be'. "
She was right, Legolas knew it. But Anita didn't revel in her insight, she hated it. She hated knowing that she could never return to the days of carefree bliss; back when she was just the girl with the purple hair and Legolas was her summertime lover. There was no going back to the days before she had taken a life, there was no going back to the days before she had lost a friend to battle, there was no going back. Seeing her distress, Legolas leaned over and kissed her temple, letting his lips linger against her soft skin.
"Come back to bed," The prince stood and held out his hand to help her to her feet. Legolas knew the answer he was going to get even before he asked the question, but he offered anyway. Anita shook her head, which came as no real surprise to either elf; the girl had been plagued by night terrors for days and as such wasn't over eager to try and sleep.
"I kinda want some alone time to process it all." What she really wanted was to go to bed with Legolas and let the elf make toe curling tantric love to her for hours until the sun rose, but her mind wasn't in the right place. She owed it to Legolas to be with him body, soul, and mind when she was with him instead of being distracted by her demons.
Legolas nodded and stepped towards the door, he paused however after only a few steps and turned back to Ani who was still sitting facing away from him. "How did you free yourself from his grasp on your mind?"
Involuntarily, Anita looked down at her hand which was adorned with the ring that Legolas had given her. With a smile she raised her hand and gave her finger a little wiggle so the purple gems would reflect the light of the nearby torches. "This was the one reminder that his words were poison, meant to feed on my deepest fears. It's what kept me grounded to reality, because it was definitive proof that he was wrong."
"Wrong about what?"
"About me." She whispered, and offered further explanation. Legolas shrugged, knowing he wasn't going to get anything less cryptic out of the elleth, and left her alone with her thoughts. Anita sat there until the sun slowly began climbing into the sky, the gray clouds over the eastern horizon trying to mask the sun's light. Sauron's words to her and in turn her answers kept turning over and over in her head all night, each time she replayed the conversation she questioned whether she had made the right choices, or if she had unwittingly condemned a second innocent world to doom. Either way, Anita was certain beyond any doubt that the fate of the world where she was born, where she had begun life, was definitively tied to Middle Earth's.
Shatter Me- Lindsey Stirling (feat. Lzzy Hale)