Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. I do not own any of the character, places, names, or anything associated with the works of J.R.R Tolkien or the Lord of the Rings (books or movie, whatever). My characters are Anita, Leila, and Arlandria and that is all.
I swear if it ever takes me this long to update again I'll hire someone to poke me with a cattle prod until I'm back on a regular writing schedule.
The Silence- Arrows to Athens
Chapter 57: The Silence
Bursting out into the daylight of the courtyard where, true to his word, Gandalf and Pippin were waiting for her, Anita let out a low guttural scream of frustration at having bitten back her sharp retorts and not lashing out at the pompous steward of Gondor.
"What a prick!" She spat and she joined the wizard and Hobbit where they sat on a bench, she however paced like an agitated tiger in a cage. "I see now where Boromir got all his charm from."
Pippin looked up at her quite alarmed his head swiveling back and forth between the elleth and the wizard, but Gandalf merely shook his head. "I have unfortunate news for you Anita; whatever opinion he expressed towards you in there in an opinion shared by most towards female soldiers in this part of the world." The girl continued to pace back and forth as the wizard spoke, her companions could practically see the angry black smoke pouring from her ears. "I certainly hope you did not voice your displeasure to Denethor."
Ani halted her pacing to shoot Gandalf an annoyed look. "No I played nice." The way she bit off each word as she spoke led Gandalf to believe the exact opposite of what she was saying.
Wearily leaning on the white staff he held, Gandalf pushed himself off the bench to stand. "It is as I feared," he mumbled as he stood, "You are ill-prepared for the fight that is coming."
The elleth blew a frustrated puff of air out between lips." I don't know what you want from me Gandalf, "She said finally, throwing her hands up in the air. "You were the one that told me back in Lothlorien that everyone would be called upon to fight, well now that I'm here answering the call you don't want me here fighting!"
"I thought you were ready." The wizard said sadly. " In Lothlorien I could see the convictions of your heart the same way a lantern pierces the night. You were ready to do whatever was necessary to aid the quest to destroy the Ring because in your heart you knew it to be right. And in that time it was as though you were truly an Elf, a citizen on Middle Earth, and you were fueled by concern for your fellow man. " The white wizard paused for a moment to look eastward at the black clouds beginning to billow over Mordor. "But that is not the Anita who made the journey here to Gondor. The Anita that stands before me is motivated by revenge and personal recompense. You do not think like an elf, you do not act like a noble lady but like a human girl from a different world fighting here for personal reasons. Because of this you cannot put aside your own personal inclination for the greater good, you cannot understand what is at stake if you do not have any vested interest in it."
Ani's mouth moved mechanically up and down, trying desperately to conjure up a retort to his sharp accusations. But none came. The elleth remained frozen with Gandalf's words swirling round her, stinging her at will like a swarm of angry wasps. As she stood statuesque, a servant boy approached Gandalf cautiously, obviously able to perceive the tension.
"Milord?" The mousy haired child asked in a squeaky pre-pubescent voice, " Lord Denethor asked me to see you to prepared rooms. Please follow me." Pippin was the first one to react, practically leaping up and off the bench to escape the building awkwardness between wizard and elf. Gandalf followed the hobbit and boy without hesitation, but it took Anita a few moments to shake herself free of stunned paralysis before she could hurry to catch up to the group as they were led away. The servant boy led them to a sizable white stone house located behind the White Tower, where he easily navigated down a flight of stairs and through a series of identical white hallways. Finally he stopped at a nondescript wooden door which he pushed open. "Mistress Ani of Rivendell." That was all he said before he continued his way down the hall with Pippin and Gandalf in tow. The girl hesitated, wanting to see where her companions were staying, and praying I was nearby. Half a dozen more doors down the hallway the boy stopped again and showed Gandalf and Pippin the room they would apparently be sharing, the elleth sighed with relief to see it was barely a stone's throw away.
Satisfied that her friends weren't too far removed, the elleth pushed the door open the rest of the way and stepped inside the antechamber. Inside the main room was a bed, a table, a chest with a mirror above it, and a desk; much as would be expected in any guestroom. In the middle of the room though, was a gathering of women in similar grayish garb filling a wooden bathtub with steaming water from buckets.
"Mistress, will you require assistance bathing?" The question from one of the indistinguishable maids in the room took Ani aback, the oddity of the inquiry startling her.
"Uhhh…no?" If there was some kind of proper protocol for this situation, then the elf wasn't familiar with it.
"If you need our assistance, please ring the bell." A hanging rope was indicated on the far wall of the room. The younger woman in front of her bowed and then led the group of maids who had finished filling the tub past Anita and out of the room in a near synchronized march; the whole encounter would have left the elleth far more unsettled and creeped out if there hadn't been a steaming bath left for her. The girl shivered with pleasure at the idea of finally getting full body clean for the first time since leaving Lothlorien. Carefully locking the main door and checking to make sure there were no more house staff hidden in her room, the elf shed her armor and clothing and plunged without restraint into the hot water.
The joy of being clean was short lived as the girl finished washing her hair and scrubbing her skin raw with a pumice stone, for when the task of getting clean was completed there was nothing left for her but silence. Silence and free time to let her mind wander without distraction; and if the past week had been any indication, what her mind sorely needed was a distraction. Without something more pressing at the forefront of her thoughts, Anita would be doomed to brood over the loss of her mentor and her guilt thereof. Desperate for something to keep her occupied, the elf examined the cut on her upper arm that she received during the Battle at Helm's Deep. Tracing the wound with her fingers she could tell it had already fully closed on its own, covered by an angry red scab; however Ani could see the pearly white indication of scarring underneath. Not only would the shallow blade wound heal, but there probably wouldn't even be a permanent mark on her skin to remind her. Involuntarily, her fingers reached up to trace another all too familiar scar along her jawline. The girl could still feel the ghost of Glorfindel's finger when he had touched the very same scar, she could still see the look in his eyes, right before the battle had begun. Anita shook herself roughly, that was a long and dark road that she didn't really want to travel down; and yet, her best efforts be damned, she kept wandering down it.
Securely wrapping a towel left by the maids around her body, Ani stepped out of the tub; dripping water all over the somber colored stone floors. Determined, the elleth focused ever brain fiber on using the towel to meticulously swipe every drop of bath water from her skin, and then vigorously towel drying her hair. Her clothing had only just been cleaned in Edoras, so re-donning her travel clothes didn't leave her feeling gross. Cleaned, dried, and dressed the elleth wandered around the guest quarters she was housed in, zeroing in on the mirror which hung on the wall. By comparison this mirror was a far closer approximation to the machine made ones Anita had grown up with in Tucson, as opposed to the polished metal that was used in both Rivendell and Edoras; this mirror offered her a far truer reflection of herself. But the face of the elf staring back at her wasn't the face she remembered, it wasn't a face she recognized. It wasn't just the manifestation of her Elven features, although those pointed ears hadn't been there seven years ago; yes her cheekbones were more pronounced, her skin was smoother, her eyes were more almond shaped… but that wasn't what made the girl in the looking glass different.
It was her essence, the person housed in the shell of her bodily features. This person that Ani saw in the mirror wasn't the same person she would have seen years ago in Tucson, hell she wasn't even sure it was the same person who had left Rivendell some weeks ago. Flippantly she wondered what the Anita from seven years ago would say to the girl in mirror today… and scowled when she acknowledged in her heart that the Anita from the past would tell her that Gandalf's harsh assessment of her not an hour ago was spot on, and that she was behaving like an asshole. Up til now every fight she could remember engaging in had been in the defense of someone else, usually her twin when Leila was being bullied in school. That had been how she was taught, first during taekwondo and more recently with Glorfindel, that one should only raise hand or sword to fight in the defense of another, never for selfish reasons. But as Gandalf had pointed out, that was exactly what she was doing now. Anita may have set out to help save the peoples of Middle Earth, but she was here now in Gondor seeking exoneration from her guilt at her friend's death. Even her feeble excuses about defending Tucson from Sauron's wrath were selfish , fueled only by her guilt.
Running her fingers through her damp obsidian hair, the girl mumbled out a string of curses in every language she could swear in. The girl owed the wizard an apology, but more importantly she had to get her head, and her heart, in the right place if she was going to stay here and fight. First thing was first, though. Strapping her damp hair back in a sloppy braid, the elleth poked her head out the door and checked to be sure there weren't any more of the houses' odd servants bustling about before stepping into the gray stone hallway. Silently the elleth jogged down the hall til she reached the door she had seen her traveling companions enter through earlier, which she knocked on lightly. Pippin opened the door to reveal a room that was a near replica of the one Ani was housed it, save for the presence of an additional cot and a small balcony which faced south east- giving the wizard on the balcony a view of Mordor. Stepping into the room the elleth observed the livery of Citadel Guards, albeit a much smaller version, laid out neatly on the bed where the Hobbit was attending to it.
"Wow, they didn't waste any time there. I didn't think you actually joined the guard Pip, good for you." The awe in the girl's voice came from the fact that Denethor would accept the small man as a member of the fighting elite who protected the upper ring of the city.
"I imagine this is just a ceremonial position," Pippin said confidently, then seem to think better of his statement and furrowed his brow, turning a quizzical look to Gandalf who hadn't budged from his position on the balcony, "They don't expect me to do any fighting, do they?"
"You're in the service of the Steward now," The wizard replied snidely, not turning around, "You'll have to do as you're told, Peregrin Took, Guard of the Citadel."
Anita stepped out to join Gandalf, but any thought of apologizing to him died in her throat as she caught sight of the dark menacing sky growing over Mordor. "It's so dark." She mumbled, mostly to herself. The elleth hadn't noticed when they first entered the city how heavy the cloud cover from Mordor was. The swirling heavy clouds were creeping westward towards the city, barely sliding over the river now. "It wasn't this dark when we first arrived ,was it?"
"No," Gandalf replied simply, letting a moment of silence follow his one word answer before he chose to elaborate. "The clouds have grown dark and heavy since we entered the gates of Minas Tirith."
"Any chance that's a coincidence?" The elleth asked hopefully as Pippin joined them on the balcony.
"I do believe Sauron is aware of our arrival here, your presence will have been of great interest to him since you both spoke to him through the Palantir," Anita shuddered as Gandalf brought up that unfortunate night she had spoken directly to the Dark Lord himself. The memory alone was enough to cause her heart to race in panic, and that awful taste to build at the back of her throat. "However, the enemy had made plans to move against Gondor long before your foolishness led you to the Palantir, and now Sauron is ready to strike. This darkness will continue to grow until it covers the land."
Pippin rested his arms on the balcony railing and stared off into the distance; a small town, barely big enough to be called an outpost, could be seen on the river's edge. "It's so quiet."
"It's the deep breath before the plunge." Gandalf stated forebodingly.
"I don't want to be in a battle," The Hobbit whispered, "but waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse." Gandalf stepped up next to the smaller man and placed a comforting pat on his shoulder. Pip gave the wizard a half-hearted attempt at a smile before turning his forlorn gaze back to the enemy across the river. "I wish I had stayed in the Shire."
"It would have found you there too, it would have eventually found us all if we chose to remain hidden." Ani replied shaking her head. "Saruman would have destroyed Rohan as Sauron destroyed Gondor, then together they would have sought out and destroyed the realms of Elves and Dwarves; and when all those nations who could stand and fight against him had been subdued then he would have come to the Shire too. At least as it is now we stand together to fight; Elf, Hobbit, Man, and Wizard."
Gandalf took a deep draw from his pipe, "Well said," he mumbled around the mouthpiece.
The elleth shifted her eyes upward to the clouds that were making definite progress west. "I just hope it doesn't stay cloudy like this…makes me antsy when I can't see the sun for long periods. This whole situation makes me anxious enough without the weather adding to it."
The wizard cocked his head one way and looked thoughtful as he puffed out a cloud of smoke, "I remember Legolas saying something of that some years ago, of how lack of sunlight affected you."
"He knows me well," she muttered.
"There is very little sunlight to be had in the thick woods of Mirkwood." Anita instantly stiffened at the wizard's seemingly random statement. The girl shot him a sharp look but Gandalf eyes never strayed from the horizon. As far as she knew Legolas hadn't told anyone about his impromptu proposal back in Lothlorien, but Gandalf's remark couldn't be mistaken for anything but alluding to their future as a couple.
"I…uh…I'm not sure what that has to do with me…"
"Oh please, child," Gandalf guffawed, "You wear his token on your hand." Mentally the girl smacked herself as she looked down at the purple and silver bauble glinting on her finger. Over the past few weeks she had gotten so used to wearing it all the time she had a tendency to forget she even had it.
Pippin looked up at her with his big innocent doe-like eyes. "Are you going to marry Legolas?" Anita began to fidget with the ring absent mindedly as she scrambled to find some kind of answer or at least a way to change the subject. This question had been haunting her mind for weeks , never really at the forefront of her mind but still always just there. With all the events had happened since Helm's Deep the elleth wasn't any closer to having an answer. "He loves you, you know." Pippin interrupted her thoughts.
"Yeah, no… I mean I KNOW he does, and I love him too it's just…the Ring…and Mordor…and…and how did switch from discussing the end of the world to whether I was going to marry Legolas?!" The girl uncomfortably stuttered and stammered through a response. Clumsily, she tried to backtrack and qualify her statement," Look in a perfect world I wouldn't hesitate to accept an offer of marriage, but we do NOT have a perfect world; we have this world. If the short amount of time I have spent outside the walls of my home have shown me anything about this place, it is that every choice, no matter how small or personal we think it is, every choice holds the potential to screw up everything. And I'm not so sure I'm ready to make choices with that kind of destructive power." Gandalf and Pippin both looked at her like she had grown an additional head.
Groaning audibly, Ani knew she was going to have to try and explain herself again. "Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect?" When both her companions had shaken their heads she continued, " Leila explained it to me years ago, mind you she used a lot more technical terms to detail it all out for me, but the gist of it was this; stepping on a butterfly today can change the events of tomorrow. It's a theory that the smallest mistake, the most inconsequential of choices can yield huge results. Isn't that why we are all here? Isildur chose to keep a Ring he picked off the body of a guy he thought was dead. My grandfather chose not to throw Isildur, Ring and all, into Mount Doom when he had the opportunity. I chose to get outta bed on my eighteenth birthday and look where that landed me!" Dramatically the elleth swept her arms in the direction of Mordor to punctuate her statement. "Everything that is just plain wrong in this world can be traced back to one person's choice. And for me that is a terrifying thought."
"Not every choice warrants a destructive effect." Gandalf remarked calmly. But even as the words left his mouth a thunderous crack reverberated through the air followed by a pillar of white-green light that split the darkening sky. Both Anita and Pippin gave a start at the sudden cacophonous assault on both their eyes and ears, but Gandalf remained steadfast.
"All evidence to the contrary Mithrandir." Ani remarked, her pointed glare indicating the beacon coming from Mordor.
"We come to it at last," The wizard stated darkly, "the great battle of our time." He put a comforting arm around Pippins shoulders, although the poor man didn't look like much would be able to comfort him. Fear prickled its way up Ani's spine as she watched the spire of white light fuel the growing storm in the East. There was no escape now, and not for the firth time that day the girl was left to wonder at the series of her own choices that led her here. Gandalf's voice interrupted her train of thought, the set of the wizard's jaw a clear sign that he had done his own thinking and come to a clear decision. "The board is set, the pieces are moving. I fear the time has come or me to move some pieces of my own." Turning away from the scene outside his balcony, the wizard addressed his two companions. "The events of the next few days will weigh heavily on the outcome of this city, you should eat and get some rest as there will be little time for either henceforth. I must make haste and go to Denethor's council and learn what I can."
"I'll sleep when I'm dead," Anita muttered under her breath as the wizard turned away from the scene before them to gather his cloak and his staff. With how the day was turning out her statement had an unsettlingly true ring to it; between Mordor's sudden activity and her active attempts to avoid falling asleep, it seemed the elleth really would only find solace when a moment of exhaustion led to her falling on an orc blade. "I'll walk out with you."
Pushing away from the balcony where Pippin was still staring at Mordor slack-jawed, the elleth gave the hobbit a pat on the shoulder as she moved past him to where Gandalf was waiting to exit the small bed chamber. The duo had made it nearly halfway back to Anita's room and the elleth still hadn't thought of a way to ease into a conversation where she yet again owed the wizard an apology. "I'm sorry." She finally blurted out as they reached her door. Eloquence had never been one of her strong suits. The wizard came to a halt and looked at her quizzically as she mentally scrambled to throw her thoughts together into a coherent sentence that would resemble rhetoric. "You were right, what you said earlier about me acting selfish- at least I think that's what you were trying to say, not unlike my sister you tend you use flourishy big words. Anyway, what I wanted to say was 'you're right'. I've been acting selfish, actually pretty much since I popped up here in Middle Earth. And while there isn't any good excuse for my behavior I will say this in my defense; the first eighteen years of my life in Tucson I NEVER could have imagined that this is where I would be standing at twenty-five years old. I never thought I would find myself in a world like this; a world where I fought in a war against evil mythological creatures, I never knew I could survive a depression so enveloping it nearly killed me, and I certainly never imagined I would have to bury my best friend. Even I'm willing to admit I haven't been taking Glorfindel's death well at all…quite the opposite in fact. I know I'm reckless, and stubborn, and too outspoken , and pretty much over-all a disappointment by this world's standards, and I'm sorry, but I'm doing the best I can."
Gandalf leaned heavily on his staff as Anita's river of words trickled to a stop, a sad look overcoming his already world-weary face. "The understanding that you are young has never escaped me, but sometimes I do forget just how young you truly are. I was far harsher on you than intended, you have spent little time in the world, and it is not for me to judge your efforts in this war. You have made sacrifices the same as any other in this fight, and we may yet be asked to sacrifice more." The old man shook his head, white tresses falling around his face as he got lost in thought for an extended moment. "You should get some rest, we have had a long day already and tomorrow will be certain to bring worse than today, for many days to come. Legolas told me in Rohan that you are suffering from nightmares that steal your sleep away, is this true?"
Ani's gaze dropped to the floor as she felt her cheeks and ears burn with embarrassment and shame, not only that Legolas was fully aware of her problem despite her best efforts to hide it, but also because he had told Gandalf about it as well. " Yes, sir." She whispered in response, not bothering to hide what the wizard clearly already knew.
She felt a hand rest gently on top of her damp hair. Gandalf's voice, so full of power, mumbled an incantation in a language that the girl wasn't familiar with, his hand remaining on her head. Having never been present to see the wizard perform any form of his abilities before, the elleth sucked in a breath and held it, afraid to move much less breath as he spoke. The sensation of tiny tingling pricks all over her head alerted her that the magic was having some sort of effect; unfortunately that effect also happened to feel like a million tiny insects crawling all over her skull, causing Ani to jump away from the touch of the wizard's hand with a yelp and scratch her scalp to erase the sensation.
"Though it is still before midday, try to sleep. I promise your nightmares will not plague you this day." And with that the wizard turned and continued on his way back to see Denethor and try to talk some sense into the grieving steward.
"Thanks…I think." Anita said, still rubbing at her head to erase the ghostly tickling feeling. Re-entering her room, the girl discovered that in the time she had been gone, though it had barely been but an hour, the maids had been back and cleaned up the bath; removing the tub and wet towels. Flopping down on the bed Anita noticed the shades had been pulled back from the window, offering her the same view of Mordor that Gandalf and Pippin had from their quarters. Thankfully the spire of light had subsided, though the angry red glow and dark clouds she had come to associate with Mordor were ever present. While Anita doubted that she would be able to get any real rest, she was willing to try based only on Gandalf's promise that she wouldn't have nightmares as she slept. Rolling over so that her back was to the window and the view of her enemy was behind her, the girl set her thoughts to the task of falling asleep.
Perhaps it was her imagination, or the sheer exhaustion that took over when her head hit the pillow, but Ani swore she could feel the great red eye burning her back with its gaze as she drifted off.