Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. I do not own any of the character, places, names, or anything associated with the works of J.R.R Tolkien or the Lord of the Rings (books or movie, whatever). My characters are Anita, Leila, and Arlandria and that is all.
In the Grey of the Sky- Maxence Cyrin
Chapter 58: In the Grey of the Sky
After days of nightmare ridden dreams and serious sleep deprivation, Anita's exhausted body crashed into the welcoming arms of a deep and blissfully dream free sleep. By the time the elleth was able to pull herself free of the cloying fingers of suspended consciousness, any hint of daylight that had been streaming through the window was long gone. Groggily, Ani rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she sat up in bed, trying to discern the time from what little light was streaming through the window. Gray with hints of angry red mixed together and filtered into the room, making the task of telling the time impossible from her vantage point. The only view the elleth had was of Mordor, and the clouds had grown so heavy and dark over the land that it could well have been noon and she wouldn't have been any the wiser. My how she missed the convenience of clocks. Rolling out of bed, the elleth ran her fingers through her hair, dismayed to find it had come free of the strap she had tied it in while she slept; now the once damp hair had dried in a series of odd curls and waves that wouldn't be tamed, and her bangs were in a position that defied reason and gravity.
She had fallen into bed fully clothed, although her tunic didn't show any of the abuse her hair was, the wrinkles easily brushing out under the pressure of her hand. Shaking out the mess of raven hair atop her head, Anita came to the decision that if she wanted to know what time of day it was, she would either have to go outside to see the sky, or pull on the rope which would summon a servant of the household. The girl wasn't going to pretend like their weren't servants at her own home in Rivendell but she had been as self-reliant as possible whenever possible to avoid needing their services, a life in Tucson filling her with guilt at the thought of people serving her because of her families wealth, she certainly didn't feel any better about snobbishly summoning one here in Gondor. But perhaps the deciding factor was the view out her window. Glancing back, Ani shuddered to look at the very source of the evil which was causing her family and friends so much hell. Perhaps it was a little childish of her, but the elleth determined that if she could see Mordor, then Mordor could see her…even here in her borrowed quarters. She was less than thrilled at the idea of being watched. Her mind made up and now fully rested, Anita decided to walk about the city and get her bearings.
Leaving her armor and blades in the room—no need to draw even more attention to herself—Ani opened her door quietly and poked her head out into the hallway which was, thankfully, deserted. Cocking one pointed ear, she listened intently only to be greeted by total silence from within the house. The lack of movement and sound either meant it was really early or really late in the day. Slipping out of the bedroom, the elf casually walked down the solemn gray hallway of the house and back up the steps that would lead her to the main courtyard. Her footsteps did nothing to break up the silence of the still house so she had little fear of anyone being alerted to her leaving the building. A gentle breeze greeted her as soon as Anita stepped from the house and into the courtyard, causing even more mayhem for her already disheveled locks. Pushing the hair from her face Anita turned her eyes to the sky looking for some hint of what time it was and how long she had slept. A deep frown creased her brow when she took in the site of the sky high above her; light wispy clouds, the predecessor to what was coming from Mordor, were creating a smoke screen that made discerning star patterns difficult to say the least. Counting backwards the days in her head, the elleth was surprised that the moon, which should have been on the fuller side of waning, was noticeably absent from the sky, causing her to emit a low growl of frustration.
Whatever time of day or night is was, Anita was feeling better rested than she had in well over a week and was determined not to be pent up in a bedroom of a city that was yet foreign to her. Torches lit the level stone path that led from the House around the White Tower, where Ani had met the Steward, and into the open courtyard of the Citadel where the minimal natural light cast shadows. The view from the top of Minas Tirith was amazing to say the least; without light pollution, it was easy to see for miles over the terrain in every direction. The lack of moonlight gave the miles and miles of flat plains surrounding the White City a very Tim Burton-esque quality; the river and stone reflecting white light while the rest of the fields fell into darkness filled with eerie silhouettes. The young elf was surprised by the pang of longing she felt for Rivendell in that moment as she stared across the Pelennor fields; not only because the rhythm and routine of the city, but because of her familiarity with the landscape. Glorfindel had been a very thorough teacher, showing her how to navigate the landscape around their town in daylight and the deepest of nights. Thanks to her teacher, Anita knew every hidden path in the trees, the location of every rock, every cave, and how to find her way through the wilderness. Only a few months away from home, and Ani craved being back in a land less alien to her.
Aimlessly wandering about the courtyard, taking in the sights as far as her eyes could see, the elleth was startled to discover she was not alone. Far out on the tip of the bastion, built upon a ledge of the mountain jutting south eastward, stood a singular figure facing away from her. Dressed in all white, it wasn't hard for Anita to figure out that it must be Gandalf. Slowly so as not to startle him by her sudden appearance, the girl walked around the fountain and the Tree of Kings and out onto the lengthy stone feature of the city's highest level . As Ani closed the distance, the white wizard turned his head slightly to indicate he was aware of her presence.
"I'm surprised to see you awake right now." She said conversationally, walking up next to where the older man stood, leaning her hip up against the wall as she spoke to him.
"I am scarcely less surprised to see you awake, did my remedy offer you no respite?" The wizard moved his eyes away from the glowering eastern horizon to look her over.
"No it worked wonders," Ani said, hoping the gratitude came through her voice. She was certain the wizard could see the difference in her physically to know she had slept well. "Needless to say I sorely needed it, so thank you. What time is it anyhow?"
The old man looked thoughtful for a second before answering, "It must be nearly midnight."
Anita gasped at the information, "I slept for twelve hours?!" Not that she didn't need every second of the sleep she got , but that length was three or four times what the average elf needed as far as rest.
"That spell is not meant to stave off unwanted dreams indefinitely," The wizard said cautiously," It may well wear off the next time you seek the comfort of sleep."
" I should be good for a while." Anita scoffed, trying to put on a strong façade for Gandalf's benefit, but the thought of returning to those nightmares again made her shudder internally.
"Do you wish to talk about what ails your dreams?"
The girl flinched at the idea of sharing with wise man the strange and terrifying nightmares she had since Glorfindel's death, and shook her head adamantly in response. "No. I… I hadn't seen a whole lot of death in my life up until Helm's Deep. I'm thinking this is part of my acceptance process." Frantic to change the subject away from her emotional turmoil, Anita questioned Gandalf about the issue that was assuredly the culprit keeping him awake, "So…how did it go with Denethor?"
The elleth was sure she already knew the answer; after all, if it had gone well then why would the White Wizard be awake at midnight staring forlornly off into the distance? Gandalf carefully thought over his words before he answered the girl's question, his calculating eyes returning their gaze to Mordor's border. "Denethor is a proud man. He and his sons have warded off attacks from many foes, especially Mordor, over the course of his reign. He is loath to ask for help, and he certainly shall not beg for it. This past summer, a detachment of forces led by Nazgul attacked and took the eastern bank of Osgiliath, resulting in the death of many of Gondor's soldiers. A message, beseeching help, was sent to Theoden of Rohan…it was met with no answer."
"But at that time Theoden was already being corrupted by Sarumon," Ani interjected, "He wasn't in his right mind to send help then, but since you freed him of that evil wizard's grasp he is free to send aid now."
"I explained that very matter to the Steward," Gandalf replied stonily, "But as I have stated, Denethor will not beg for help. Once he has been denied aid once, his pride will not allow him to ask again."
It took a moment for the girl to catch up to what the wizard was hinting at. "Are you telling me that Denethor got his feelings hurt and how he isn't going to ask for Rohan's help in defending this city?"
"That is perhaps an over-simplified answer…"
"Over-simplified but not wrong." Turning to face the same direction as Gandalf faced, resting her arms on the smooth stone wall that bordered the bastion. "Is it possible that twice in the same month I have managed on two separate occasions to get myself stuck protecting a mountainside death trap of a fortress with a horde of angry orcs coming to kill us all? Ain't that some shit." The last sentence was mumbled to herself as the irony of the situation she was in yet again settled heavy on her shoulders.
Silence hung between the two companions for a long moment as they each got lost in their own thoughts, until Gandalf's question disrupted her melancholic thinking. "Is it death that you fear?"
Ani chewed her bottom lip as she thought about the inquiry; there was no easy answer for her to give to a question of that depth that wouldn't raise more question from Gandalf. Taking a deep breath the girl explained, "No, it's not death that I'm worried about. I was naïve when I marched to Helm's Deep, but now I have seen too much blood and death to still be blind to the reality of war. I understand now that despite the way that war was portrayed to me growing up in Tucson-good guys live,bad guys die- that war really isn't about life and death. It's about loss, about what gets taken from you and what you freely give up based on your choices. There are thing that get lost, taken, in war that you didn't even know could be taken; sense of identity, sense of safety, things that once they are gone make you question what is left to fight for in the world. Hell they even take away your ability to sleep." At this the wizard gave her a knowing glance, which the girl chose not to acknowledge right then. "Death is certain, it's absolute. Once I am dead nothing more can be taken from me, I can't lose anything else. I am afraid of life. I am afraid of living through this, and having to accept what more has been taken from me ,what more I have lost." The old wizard place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but gratefully didn't try to offer any words of comfort for there were none to give. Gandalf marveled at the change in this young woman next to him; when he had first met Anita she was spirited, angry, and selfish, but now the wizard couldn't deny that, despite her many flaws, she had matured well beyond her years even in a few short weeks.
"Can I ask you something?" Ani broke the quiet tension between them with a question of her own, "About my parents?"
"Anita I have told you that I cannot offer any information about what transpired between your mother and father."
"Please? I mean we both just basically acknowledged that we are going to die here thanks to Denethor's pride, what damage could possibly be done by me knowing what the hell happened twenty-five years ago what will change anything now? Anyhow, Elladan already told me his side of the story, I can piece the rest together based on what I know about my mother and about Glorfindel….it's just some of the details I'm fuzzy on."
Gandalf sighed in resignation. Anita was right, there was no harm that could come from telling her the whole story now, and the wizard didn't see any reason to withhold the truth if I would give the girl some closure. "Tell me what you know already, and I shall try to clarify any details you are unclear on."
"Mom was with Glo, then Mom wasn't with Glo, she got together with Elladan on a rebound- probably in an attempt to make Glo jealous- and she ended up pregnant with me and Lei. They didn't want to feel forced into marriage so they sent my mom away into hiding until after we were born. But after we were born, Mom decided she didn't want us involved with all the politics and protocol of Elven life so she hid us from our father." Gandalf was looking at her in shock, whether from her candor or because of how much of the story she really knew , Anita couldn't decide.
"You seem well versed in the events of your birth, pray tell what it is you need further explanation of."
The girl paused a moment to collect her thoughts and carefully piece her sentence together so as not to sound accusatory, " I'm confused about what would possess you to take a pregnant women into an alternate dimension."
Gandalf shifted uncomfortably, removing his hand from her shoulder he began to stroke his long white beard as though the action would draw forth the reasons the girl before him was seeking. "The Maiar possess the ability to enter other worlds at their discretion, I had been to your world before many years ago, your family knew of this. It was felt that no place in Middle Earth would have been sufficiently safe to hide your mother as she carried Elladan's offspring. Therefore, she was further removed from Middle Earth to a place I deemed safe enough for her to remain until the time of your birth."
It was possible that Ani was a bit paranoid, she had been lied to so much concerning this one topic it was difficult not to be skeptical, but it seemed to her that Gandalf had almost purposefully dodged the real question she was trying to ask him. "That's not what I meant Mithrandir. When my mother came to you asking for you to take her away from Middle Earth weren't you a wee bit suspicious when she wanted to be so far removed from Rivendell? I understand wanting to be safe and go into hiding, but she wanted literally a universe's worth of distance between herself and my father. That didn't strike you as odd?"
The wizard studied her for a long moment as she waited patiently for an answer to her question. Whatever conclusion Gandalf came to after silently staring at her, the old man gave a nearly imperceptible sigh before he replied, " If your mother had been the one to make the request, yes I would have been more suspicious."
It took Anita well longer than she would have liked to admit to catch the meaning in Gandalf's carefully worded answer. She could feel the puzzle pieces in her head shift about until they all clicked together to create one big picture, unfortunately the picture that was finally visible to Ani was not by any means a pretty one. Leaning forward against the wall, she placed her head in her hands to muffle the dry and humorless laugh that flew from her mouth. "Oh my god," She mumbled when she finally found the ability to form words again, raking her hands back through her mess of obsidian hair, "She used him. Every step of the way she used him. She was never going to come back, she probably knew that the second she knew she was pregnant. My mom didn't want to be with Elladan, but she had no hope of returning to Glorfindel after she bore another man's child. All this time I blamed my father, but the only sin he committed was loving someone who would never love him back. My mother manipulated him like a puppet on string."
Once again Gandalf placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance, " I did not intend to upset you."
"No it's okay, I needed to hear that. Elladan told me that mom had left him, but it never occurred to me that their relationship was THAT dysfunctional. I'm starting to think I may owe my father a small apology…"
"A 'small' apology?" Gandalf's tone was incredulous, and rightfully so. He had been back to visit Rivendell enough over the last seven years to have witnessed the constant arguing and fighting that defined Ani's relationship with Elladan; it would have been a breathtaking understatement to say that she had been disrespectful to her father.
"Hey I'm willing to admit I was not a model daughter, but some of that attitude just comes with having a teenage girl in the house…he knew what he was getting into when he had daughters." Ani's attempt to brush off the rocky relationship she had with Elladan was half-hearted. In truth she felt terrible about everything that had transpired the past few years between herself and her dad; all the choices she had made, bad choices, specifically with the intent of irritating or angering him. Revenge, as she saw it. All those times he had told her she was acting just like her mother….she cringed to think about the comparison. Yeah she definitely owed her father an apology, she also owed an apology to her grandfather, aunt, uncle, and twin sister. "Oh god Leila!" Suddenly the elleth shot up straight, standing erect, startling the wizard next to her. "Gandalf we cannot tell my sister about this, she cannot find out."
Gandalf regained his composure after the start the girl's spontaneous actions gave him. "Your sister is more than capable of accepting this news sensibly."
"No." Anita stated flatly. "She shouldn't have to 'accept it sensibly'. Leila is a good person, while she's my twin she is also my polar opposite; she's never done anything to hurt another person, she's never been aggressive or judgmental, she sees the world as beautiful and just. And she doesn't deserve to have that perspective shattered. Leila loves this world, this is where she feels she belongs…she doesn't deserve to have that taken from her. All my life I have had one job, to keep my sister safe. Just because we are adults now doesn't change what my job is…it's just that back then it was bullies I was keeping her safe from and now it's the sad reality of our parents and…and …THAT." To punctuate her statement, Anita dramatically swung her arm around to point at the seething red horizon over Mordor. "If nothing else Mithrandir, even if I were to lose everything else I hold precious in my life, I want to save this world for my sister."
Gandalf turned his back to the east and to Mordor so that he could lock his eyes with the young elleth's. "I am glad to hear you say it, for I have a plan by which to summon aid from Rohan in our fight against the forces of the Dark Lord. In order for this plan to work, it will require your assistance as well as Pippins."
"Anything I can do." The girl stated resoundingly.
"I need you to distract Denethor." The wizard had to suppress a chuckle when the look of enthusiasm disappeared from the elleth's face as she heard his request.
"What do you mean 'distract'?" Ani asked suspiciously, cocking one eyebrow and crossing her arms.
"You will only need to have a meal with him. Denethor seemed particularly interested in speaking with you again, we shall use this opportunity to our advantage." There was a mischievous sparkle in the old man's eyes as he spoke that Ani didn't like one bit.
"Why does he want to talk to me?" Exasperation was clear in her voice, it took all her will power not to descend into full blown whining. She hadn't liked the two minute conversation they had earlier that morning, what made Gandalf think she could survive a whole meal period with the Steward?
"Because he wants information, as he surely sees you as the weakest member of our traveling party thanks to his own prejudice. Denethor is proud, rightfully so for how well he has defended this city and the lands of Gondor, and he is not keen to give up the power he has to a lowly Ranger." Anita had learned some years ago of Aragorn's lineage as the rightful heir to Gondor's throne, her grandfather had mistakenly spilled the man's secret during one of her history lessons. Even so, knowing it and hearing it spoken of as a reality were very different things. The last thing the girl wanted was to wade in the political waters of the White City, heaven knows she would foul it up somehow. "Denethor will seek information about Aragorn and most likely about Frodo and the Ring too."
"Weren't you the one not hours ago saying that every time I opened my mouth I give you headache because of how I mess up social protocol? Why would you stick me in a room with the Steward of Gondor?! Not only am I privy to the information he wants but I am a piss poor liar!" Anita was practically hyperventilating by the end of her sentence.
"It can do no harm now for him to know about Aragorn for he has no power to prevent the renewal of the rightful king. As for Frodo, you are as unaware of his whereabouts as I am and can have no information to share with Denethor that may impede the Quest. " Gandalf's calm and logical answer did nothing to calm the anxious elleth in front of him.
"And what exactly will you be doing while I'm with Denethor?" Ani hissed.
The old man held up his hands defensively, "It is better you remain ignorant of the plan's details, for if we succeed it shall anger the Steward immensely and you will only be a target for his wrath if you are seen as having a connection to it."
With a groan the girl threw her hands up in surrender. As much as she disliked the plan- mostly because of the uncomfortable position it put her in- she had to trust that the wizard knew what he was doing. More importantly; Gondor desperately would need the help that Rohan would hopefully send to aid their fellow man. Satisfied that the elf was in agreement of his plan, Gandalf retrieved his staff from where it rested against the stone wall and moved to walk back to the house beyond the Tower, "There are still a few hours before the sun will rise, I may yet try to find sleep myself." Anita didn't move from her spot near the low wall as her companion walked past, still too well rested from her day of sleep to even consider returning to her room.
Looking back out over the landscape, the elleth could only speculate as to what Gandalf's plan was and how Pippin fit into it. She did know absolutely that she had to commit to her part in the scheme, in keeping Denethor distracted from what the wizard and hobbit were up to. Hearing the sound of his footsteps retreating Ani called over her shoulder to him, "Gandalf? If this works tomorrow and Rohan sends soldier in time, will we survive this?"
There was a missed beat before the wizard answered back, "There will be hope that we may survive." Anita was glad she hadn't turned around when she addressed him and to see him when he answered her back. She couldn't bear to see on his face the same lie that was woven into his words.