~Wavering Destiny~
by Strawberry Moon Rose

Wow, I can't thank you enough for the reviews! It's awesome to hear your guys' input! :)

(Kind of random, but I've always been interested in what dreams mean. You know, understanding what it signifies if you dream you're falling or what it means to see a cat in your dream. So I'm including this following note. It just happened to fit into the plot too.)

Note: To dream of burning indicates that there is a situation you cannot avoid any longer.

Now, enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi.

Chapter 20: Burning Up and Breaking Down

Usagi was on fire.

It was getting harder to breathe through the suffocating air. It burned every inch of her body. But something was off - there was no eye-watering smoke, no fringed scent. But the scalding feeling encircled her, making her break a sweat.

Blue eyes popped open. Pound. Pound. Usagi's heart was racing so hard, it felt like it might break through her chest.

Morning sunshine flooded in through the windows, lighting up the bedroom. Usagi was lying in Seiya's massive bed, wrapped up in her arms. She was safe. I'm okay. There is no fire. It was just a dream.

But it was still uncomfortably hot for some reason. Usagi wriggled out of Seiya's arms and kicked off her blankets. Seiya was fast asleep. She instinctively reached out after Usagi. Her bangs, tinted blue from the morning glow, were ruffled in a silly way.

"Good morning," she whispered. Usagi brushed her bangs with her fingertips, then drew them back in surprise at the warmth.

She pressed her hand against Seiya's forehead. She was burning up. A closer inspection, and she found Seiya was covered in a cold sweat.

She realized now why she had woken up so feeling so warm - Seiya was the fire.

"Mm..." Seiya rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Seiya, I think you have a fever."

"I do?" Her voice was scratchy, like she'd been yelling at the top of her lungs for three hours.

"I'm sure of it. Your face is kind of red too."

"Oh. That's...not good," she croaked.

Usagi winced. "Your voice..."

"I probably just need a drink of water..." She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, she stood to make her way to the bathroom. Usagi crawled to the edge after her.

"Wait-"

Seiya ignored her. Her ears rang and the room began to sway. Blotches of colors spotted her vision, making her stumble backwards.

"Seiya!" Usagi was right behind her. She gripped Seiya's arms, steadying her from behind. Holding her upright, she could feel the heat radiating from her body.

"Are you okay?" Usagi asked, panicky.

Seiya blinked a few times, waiting for her vision to clear. "Yeah... Maybe I should sit down..." She brought her hand to her temple.

"That's a probably a good idea." Usagi lingered close as Seiya lowered herself back onto the bed. She helped her carefully, so she didn't fall. "Just lay down, I'll bring you some water. And where's the thermometer at?"

"Third drawer on the left," Seiya choked out. She eased down and slowly rested her head back onto the pillow. Usagi hurried into the Starlight's connecting bathroom.

A black and white checkerboard tiled floor stretched out before her. There was a jacuzzi bathtub that looked like it could hold ten people in the corner, and a frosty glass door that hid the shower she'd used last night.

She hurried over to the grand sink and reached for the glass on the counter. As she filled it with water, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She'd fallen asleep with wet hair, causing her blonde locks to dry in a wavy fashion around her face. She was wearing a pair of Seiya's pajamas; red shorts and a matching tee. Given they were a little big, especially in the chest area, but they worked.

With the thermometer in hand and glass of water in the other, Usagi made her way back into the bedroom.

Seiya pulled herself into a sitting position and wrapped the blankets around her body. "It's freezing in here," she whispered, trying to savor her voice.

Usagi crawled across the blankets to her. It was hard to believe only yesterday morning they were having a pillow fight. How did this come on so suddenly? "Here." Usagi handed her the glass.

Seiya downed it in one gulp.

"Open up," Usagi told her, raising the thermometer to her mouth.

Seiya did as she was told. She didn't look to be in any condition to object. Her cheeks were stained bright pink, and she looked sleepy and faint.

Usagi waited patiently, playing with the blanket in her lap. She sat on her knees beside her, keeping quiet. Seiya didn't mind, she was too tired to speak. The seconds ticked by as they waited.

Beep! Seiya pulled the stick out of her mouth and examined it. She let out a groan.

"Well?" Usagi took the thermometer from her. She didn't understand what the foreign numbers meant. They weren't Celsius or Fahrenheit.

"I've got a fever." She brought the back of her hand to her head. "This sucks," she rasped.

Usagi's eyes widened. "But...what about the party? You're supposed to sing at the party in three days! Your voice is gone!"

"I'm sure I'll be better by then."

"I bet you got sick 'cause we went swimming last night! We walked all the way up here soaking wet, and it was freezing! This is terrible! It's all my fault!"

Seiya stared at her, incredulously. Worry lines crinkled at Usagi's forehead and her blonde eyebrows pulled together. She looked devastated, as if she was told she'd have to repeat a year of high school.

"Bun Head, don't be ridiculous. This is my fault, I'm the one who decided to go for a swim."

"But... You'll spend the whole party sick in bed! Even I know how important this event is. The entire town will be let down. They won't get to hear your voice! Seiya, what are we gonna do?"

"I just need some orange juice, and I'll be good as new. Come on, we've got decorating to do..." She started to get out of bed.

"Oh no, you don't!" Usagi grabbed her arm and held her back. Her usually innocent eyes were stern. "You're not going anywhere today. You're gonna stay here and get some rest."

"Really, Bun Head, I-"

"No! And I'm going to stay here and take care of you, okay?"

"If you insist..."

Usagi helped her bring the blanket to her chest. "Now go back to sleep. I'm going to go tell the others."

"Thank you," Seiya whispered. She reached for Usagi's hand. Her grip was feeble, but she gave her hand a light squeeze.

"Don't worry about it."

"How is Seiya doing?" Ami asked, lowering herself into the chair besides Makoto.

"Not good from what I hear," Taiki replied. It was lunch time, and everybody minus Seiya, Usagi, and the Princess were present. Kakyuu had taken a trip into town for final preparations. The party was just around the corner. Workers, maids, and decorators scurried through the halls, everyone buzzing with excitement for the big event.

A sweet aroma drifted in from the kitchen. Everyone waiting on the chefs to appear with their sliver platters of food.

"What a moron." Yaten lowered her glass of water from her lips. "I swear, if she bails out on us, we're singing without her, Taiki."

Taiki nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose that is always an option... But we should hope she's better by then. After all, she has that solo."

"I don't care how sick she is, I'll drag her butt on stage," Yaten grumbled under her breath.

"It's such a shame she came down with this so suddenly," Makoto said. "Do you think it was something she ate?"

Ami shook her head. "No, or most likely we all would have gotten it."

"Is it really safe for Usagi to be taking care of her?" Makoto wondered. "What if it's contagious?"

Taiki said, "That's what I told her, but she insisted."

Rei smiled as if she knew something they didn't. "I bet she's just looking for an excuse to be around Seiya," she blabbed.

Minako threw her a surprised glance. "Ahaha, what makes you think that, Rei?" As far she knew, Usagi hadn't told her feelings about Seiya to anybody but her. Had Rei found out somehow? Or was she really that intuitive?

Rei shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, I don't know. Don't you just feel the vibe, Minako? Those two are up to something. For sure."

Minako widened her eyes, pleading Rei to be quiet.

Rei gave her a bizarre look. Not quite sure what she was getting at, she changed the subject. "So, how's your song coming along?"

Minako grinned, stealing a peek at the Starlight beside her. "Well...we've got the lyrics down now. We're just working out a few things here and there and it'll be ready to go. I think it sounds great, don't you think, Yaten?"

"It's your voice that does it," she said modestly.

"Oh, stop it!" Minako giggled, playfully slapping her shoulder.

Rei cleared her throat. "So! When do I get to hear it?"

Minako chewed on her lip and stole a flirty glance from her girlfriend on her other side. "Not until the party, Rei. It's going to be a surprise!"

Rei smiled weakly. Watching the two of them flirt right in front of her was hell. "Oh, okay. Well, I'm sure it's gonna be great..." she mumbled, pretending to be fascinated with her fingernails.

"Oh, it will be."

Yaten gently nudged Minako's foot under the table. The blonde squealed, earning a strange look from Taiki, who was sitting across from her.

The tallest Starlight raised an eyebrow. Yaten shrugged.

Ami met Taiki's gaze out of the corner of her eye. The brunette smiled. Ami returned it casually, avoiding her violet eyes. She glanced towards the hallway entry. "Do you think I should go get Usagi for lunch?" she asked.

"I'm surprised she hasn't come out yet. I mean, it's lunch," Makoto pointed out.

Rei pushed her chair away from the table. She couldn't take much more of Minako and Yaten's flirting before she hurled. "Let me do it. I want to have a word with her anyways..."

Usagi watched Seiya sleep from the bedside chair. She tried to keep her distance, only lingering close when necessary. Although she was sure Seiya would return the favor of caring for her if she got sick, she wasn't taking any chances with the party so close.

Seiya didn't ask for much, just a glass of water every now and then, when she wasn't sleeping. Usagi hadn't seen her so helpless since she was injured by Sailor Tin Nyanko's gun. It was weird.

Their hands were interlaced. Seiya had fallen asleep that way and Usagi was afraid if she moved, she'd wake her. Not that she minded. Seiya's hands were soft and warm.

Sitting there watching over her hadn't been as boring as she'd anticipated. Her mind had enough things to think about, she could sit in thought for hours. There was too much to consider at the moment, and one thing in particular was bugging her.

She tried not to think about it, but it was inevitable: she was cheating on Mamoru - there was no way around it. Even if Seiya offered much more than him, that didn't make it right. She'd only kissed Seiya back the first time because she was it was instinctual. And she only slept in her room the first time because of the storm.

If she'd stopped there, it wouldn't have been so bad. But instead, she encouraged Seiya's advances. It was beyond wrong. She couldn't go on with this much longer before someone got seriously hurt.

Usagi had somebody waiting for her. How could she face him when she got home? Did she even want to go home?

Suddenly, Seiya's words flooded back to her. They were in the garden a few days ago, talking about how lovely Kinmoku was. "You could live here at the palace. The Princess would let you. You can stay here, with me."

Usagi swallowed hard. She didn't want to return and face Mamoru, not after what she'd done. She'd only listened to Minako's advice - listen to your heart. So why was it so difficult?

How much would it hurt Mamoru, in the end? Their relationship was practically crawling backwards. She knew part of it was because she'd grown quiet missing the Starlights lately, but it took two people to make a relationship work.

His kisses were halfhearted. She felt like he was always holding back on her. For the longest time, she believed it was because of their age difference. But she'd be eighteen soon, and nothing had changed. He looked at her the way he looked at Chibi-Usa, and most likely always would.

If Mamoru had the chance to fall in love, instead of living out their destiny, would he too be happier? Surely there was someone out there better suited for him. Somebody who had high goals, and was independent and wise. Usagi had wondered that all along; what was a driven man like him, one of the top in his classes, doing with a ditzy crybaby like her? She knew she wasn't the only one asking herself that question. Mamoru's college friends, and even her friend Naru, didn't seem to understand what they saw in each other. Or what they had been forced to see in each other.

If it wasn't for fate rudely yanking them together, life would have played out the way it was supposed to. They both would have found love like everybody else. In a long, roundabout way, Usagi had done that anyway. That person was sleeping before her.

As for Mamoru, was she willing to let him go? Off to fall in love on his own terms? After everything they'd been through? The thought was terrifying. If not, what else would the bland future hold in store for them? More years of thinking of what could have been, while Seiya found someone else on Kinmoku?

Just imagining Seiya looking at someone else the way she looked at Usagi made her cringe in a way she didn't think was humanly possible. Could she live without Seiya in her life? She'd tried that once, and here she was.

Usagi brought her free hand to her face. There was too much to think about. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks. She let them.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Usagi's head snapped up. She hurriedly her eyes. "C-come in," she called over her shoulder, voice trembling.

"Usagi?"

There was only one person who called her name so casually. She was the last person Usagi wanted to be seen crying in front of right then.

"Come in, Rei," Usagi called, not bothering to look behind her.

She heard footsteps padding up. Rei's cinnamon-scented perfume wafted in the air, tickling her nose. "It's lunch time. I came to tell you."

"Oh, already? Thanks, Rei. I'll be down in a minute." Usagi was glad her back was to Rei and that she couldn't see her tear-stained face. She'd surely ask questions, and Usagi would have to give answers she hadn't figured out herself yet. She stared at her lap, willing her friend to leave.

Rei hesitated. She took a step forward and lowered herself onto the bed, careful not to disturb Seiya. "Actually, I told the others to go on ahead and eat without us," she admitted.

"Oh? Why's that?" Usagi could feel Rei's eyes burning on her, but she couldn't look up and meet her gaze.

"Usagi...is there something you want to talk about?" Rei asked softly.

She knew something was wrong when Rei was being nice. "Huh? No, not really... What are you talking about, Rei? I'm okay, you see?" She forced herself to look up, plastering a cheerful, phony smile on her face.

Rei saw right through it. Her heart split in half at the pathetic attempt. Rei's eyes fell to Usagi's hand, intertwined with Seiya's. She pursed her lips.

Usagi followed her gaze. "Um. It's not what it looks like..."

Rei pretended not to notice how flustered Usagi suddenly sounded. It only confirmed what she'd seen last night through the crack of her door.

"How is she?" Rei asked.

"Really tired. It's hard to tell, but I think her fever is coming down. That reminds me, I need to re-wet her towel." Usagi fumbled up, knocking her knee against the nightstand. Unlacing their hands, Usagi gently removed the warm cloth from Seiya's forehead and made her way to the bathroom.

Rei sat for a couple beats before following her. "Usagi?" she called.

Splash. The cold water soaked into the towel under the faucet. "Y-yeah, Rei?" She struggled to keep her voice even. She saw her dark-haired friend come up behind her in the bathroom mirror. Her heart quickened.

"What...do you think about her?" Rei asked carefully, her hand lingering on the door frame.

"About who?" The icy stream numbed her fingers, making them feel numb. She wished Rei wouldn't have followed her. She needed a minute alone to pull herself together.

"Seiya."

Usagi tensed. The faucet sounded deafening all of a sudden. She inhaled sharply, wishing Rei would've asked her anything else in the world but that question. She was already coming undone, it wouldn't be much longer before she fell apart at the seams completely.

"Usagi?" Rei took a tentative step closer to her.

The wet cloth slipped out of her grasp. It squished into a pile in the sink. Usagi mindlessly twisted the faucet handle off.

Silence.

"What do you mean, Rei? You know what I think about Seiya," Usagi replied, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible. She turned around and faced her friend. "Why would you ask me that?"

Rei's mouth opened, but Usagi cut her off.

"I'll tell you what I think about h-her," Usagi's voice trembled. "Seiya Kou. Well, she's impulsive, friendly, and full of herself. S-sometimes, it really gets on my nerves, you know? She's great at a lot of things; football, basketball, softball, whatever! She's got a great voice, and can play a lot of instruments. She can act, sing, dance, you name it. Do I even compare? I mean, I can barely pass my makeup exams or remember my lunch, but she could do everything back on Earth."

"Usagi..."

Usagi ignored her. Her voice danced higher up the scale, as she struggled to keep from crying. "Not to mention she's really looked up to here on Kinmoku. I mean, look at this place! She's good-looking too. And her eyes? You could practically get lost looking into them." Her voice cracked. "Oh, and did I tell you about her way with girls? I never told you, but Haruka and I walked in on her seducing Michiru in her dressing room after that joint c-concert."

"She what?" Rei's eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

"Exactly! She could get whoever she wanted to! Someone way prettier and graceful than me, like Michiru. But...for some reason...she fell for someone who was already taken. Somebody who had a b-boyfriend overseas, that wouldn't-" A tear cascaded down Usagi's cheek. "-answer her letters. Of course, neither one of them knew that it was because he was dead, but-"

"Usagi! Stop-"

"B-but she couldn't give up! Seiya hates giving up! And when she left, I realized how much I really missed her." Usagi bit her lip to keep it from wobbling as tears streamed down her face messily. "I thought about her all the time, wishing they'd come back. I just wanted to see her f-face and hear her voice one more time. I didn't understand what it meant, but I do now! I can't help it! I love her, Rei. I always have!" Usagi brought her hands to her face and sobbed hard.

Silently, Rei wrapped her into a hug. "Usagi... I understand. Everything's going to be alright."

"No it's not, Rei!" Usagi cried into her shoulder, her voice muffled in her shirt. "You don't understand! What about Mamo? He'd be so disappointed in me! I'm such an awful person!" Usagi's knees gave out, and she leaned into Rei. Her strength was gone. The two girls eased to their knees on the bathroom floor.

"It's alright, Usagi. Everything is going to work out in the end, I promise."

"Rei, how can you say that? Look at this mess I've gotten myself into! I don't know how to fix it!" Usagi bawled harder into her friend's chest. Her hands clasped fistfuls of Rei's shirt as she stained them with hot, salty tears.

Rei held Usagi in her arms, stroking her back comfortingly. "Shh...it's okay, I'm right here. We'll think of something."

Usagi buried her face even more, wanting to disappear. "Rei, I'm so sorry. I really messed things up this time."

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault... You can't help the way you feel," Rei whispered, a twinge of sadness creeping into her voice. She of all people knew that much, unfortunately...

She held Usagi close, comforting her the best she could. She wanted to say something that would make her feel okay. Something that would bring her smile back. Usagi should always be happy, it was her best quality. Seeing her this way made her own eyes sting with unborn tears. But she didn't know what to tell her.

Creak... The bathroom door eased open, startling them both. A figure stood in the doorway, instantly tensing at the sight before her.

Usagi peered over Rei's shoulder, her eyes puffy and red from crying. Her stomach sank.

"Bun Head...?"