~Wavering Destiny~
by Strawberry Moon Rose

Twenty one chapters already! Wow! Originally this story was planned to be about fifty-ish chapters, but we'll see where it takes us...

Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi.

Chapter 21: One Step at a Time

"Seiya..." Usagi gasped.

The Starlight leaned weakly against the door frame with one hand clutching her stomach. The look on her face told them she wasn't expecting to walk into the bathroom and see Usagi crumpled on the floor with a tear-stained face.

"Um, Seiya," said Rei, "could you...give us a minute?"

Seiya nodded in a daze. Their blue eyes met and Usagi looked away, embarrassed. It was bad enough crying in front of Rei, let alone to have Seiya see her in this state. It was almost worse than the time she broke down on the rooftop in the rain in front of Seyia. No, I take that back. Nothing was worse than that. Still, she lowered her head, blonde bangs falling to hide her eyes.

Seiya walked faintly back into bedroom.

Rei watched her from the doorway, making sure she made it back okay. When she saw Seiya get into bed, she pulled the bathroom door shut and returned to her friend.

"Rei!" Usagi cried. "She heard it all! I know she did!" The floodgates opened again.

"We don't know that. And if she did...well, you were going to tell her about this at some point, right? And tell her how you feel? Now's the chance."

"No. I can't face her now."

"Yes you can. You have to."

Usagi sniffled. "No, I can't! Did you see the look on her face? I just can't-"

Rei brought her hand to Usagi's lips, silencing her. Her expression softened as she leaned in. "Seiya...you love her, don't you?" she whispered.

Usagi nodded without hesitation.

With her index finger, she gently raised Usagi's chin. "Then you need to tell her," Rei said, "you need to tell her your feelings before it's too late. Things like that...shouldn't be left unsaid."

Usagi swallowed back a protest. "Rei...but she already h-heard," she choked out.

"You don't know that for sure. Usagi, I have to go now. The others will be wondering where I'm at." She dropped her hands and began to stand.

Panic flooded her face. "Rei, but I-"

"You can do it, Usagi. Just be honest, okay? You two can work something out about Mamoru together. You don't deserve to keep that bottled up inside of you. Seiya's part of this too now, and you need to tell her how you feel." She extended her hand and helped her princess to her feet.

"Thank you..."

"You're welcome." Rei leaned in and brushed back her golden bangs. She kissed her softly on the forehead. "Good luck," she whispered.

Usagi blushed shyly. Her insides felt warm and fuzzy whenever Rei was being nice to her. She wished she would act that way more often, as opposed to her usual, annoying persona.

"Hey, Rei?" Usagi called after her.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for not being mad. I didn't think...you'd understand so quickly."

Rei shrugged. "I already knew."

"Huh?"

"You and Seiya. We all knew you two liked each other. I guess it just took a while for you to figure it out, huh?" She winked.

Usagi tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah...I guess..." Had it been that obvious? She supposed they did go on a date together, even though it was only to an amusement park. But she only let her spend the night at her house because she was scared to be home alone. And they spent all that time together watching the stars and practicing softball to prove that she was worthy of Seiya...

Now that she thought about it, she felt really stupid. How could everyone not have seen that all along? How could she not have?

Rei leaned against the door. "I'll admit that it's kind of scary thinking about what's gonna happen now...but I will support you no matter what. Though I can't speak for anyone else."

"Thank you, Rei."

Rei smiled. "I've got to get going now." She turned and paused to look over her shoulder. "And, Usagi?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time you and Seiya sneak around in the middle of the night, could you keep it down?"

Usagi's face turned bright red. "Rei! You knew?!"

"Later, Usagi," she waved over her shoulder with a laugh.

"Hey! That's not fair!"

Rei grinned and stuck out her tongue. A second later, she slipped out of the room.

Usagi huffed. Unbelievable! Now it made sense why Rei hadn't been surprised. Figures.

A half a minute passed before Usagi moved. She knew Seiya was out there waiting for her. Rei's words lingered in her head. 'You need to tell her your feelings before it's too late'. It was three simple words...not so hard, right? Three words that said it all, yet not enough.

I can do this...I can do this...She walked over to the sink and saw her reflection - puffy eyes and blotched skin.

She splashed her face with cold water and patted herself dry. Usagi found one of Seiya's brushes in the drawer and ran it through her frazzled hair. Afterwards, she fastened the rozamoku into one of her buns. She'd taken it out before showering last night and had forgotten it on the counter. It was immediately comforting to have a physical reminder of Seiya with her. She took a step back and exhaled.

Usagi picked up Seiya's hand towel, the reason she'd come into the bathroom in the first place, and wrung out the excess water. With it in hand, she walked toward the door. Before she convinced herself otherwise, she pulled it open and stepped back into the bedroom.

Part of her hoped that Seiya had fallen back to sleep. Then she'd have time to think about what she was going to say. No such luck. The Starlight lay in her bed with blankets to her chin, wide awake. She turned her head when Usagi come in.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Usagi asked before she had the chance to speak. She walked around to the side of the bed where her chair was, avoiding her gaze.

Seiya watched her carefully. "Okay. My headache went away and I can finally breathe again," she responded in a hoarse whisper. She looked liked she wanted to say something else, but didn't.

"That's good." Usagi said. She didn't like the heavy silence hanging in the air. Her mind reeled as she raced to think of something, anything, to say. She raised the towel, "Do you need this is? I mean...for your fever?" she asked, filling the void.

"Yeah. I think it's coming down, but not by much." She pulled herself into a sitting position.

"Let me check." Usagi grabbed the thermometer from the nightstand and leaned over the bed, bringing the stick to Seiya's lips.

Seiya didn't open her mouth. She just continued to stare up at her with a pained expression. "Bun Head..." she whispered.

"Y-yeah?" Looking into her eyes was excruciating. The two pools of blue, usually lit with spunk, were now filled with something else. Worry?

"Are you okay?" Seiya asked quietly.

It was simple question, but the answer wasn't. Was she okay? These past few days had been adventurous and nerve-racking - in a good way. She hadn't smiled so much in a long time, and she knew why that was. But as confusing as everything had become, and considering what had just happened, no, she wasn't. She wanted to nod and say 'yes', so she wouldn't worry her. But she knew it was best to just be honest. "No...I'm not," she sighed at last.

Seiya reached up and touched her face. "If you want to talk, I'm always here."

Usagi bit her lip. "I know."

"What has upset you?"

"Rei knows about us."

"Oh..."

"And it can't be long before we have to break the news to everyone else. I don't know how they'll take it. What we're doing..."

Seiya exhaled a long breath of air. "I wish I could snatch you up and carry you away to a place just for the two of us, but..." With her free hand, Seiya toyed with Usagi's hair, wrapping a shimmering strand between her fingers.

"I'm sorry for making you feel this torn," Seiya added. Having to two choose between two people, brought back memories of when their Princess had appeared on Earth, but she couldn't see Usagi anymore. But this situation was different. How have I not noticed her pain? I'm so stupid...

"I'm not torn," Usagi said. "I know what I want." She met her eyes with a meaningful look that made Seiya's heart skip a beat.

"But...what about your boyfriend?"

She traced her thumb lightly over Seiya's hand. "Thta all became clear to me when he came back, after the battle."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I missed him so bad, as you know. We were at the park that night after you guys left, and I asked him how much he loved me. I guess I was feeling a little insecure, and I know I was probably being clingy, but he wouldn't even show me any affection! He just kept his hands in his pocket and said, 'I feel so happy when I'm with you'. That was the moment I knew."

Seiya frowned. After all she went through to get him back, that's how he responds to a question like that? Mamoru Chiba... I don't know you very well, but I don't get you at all. If I'd been in your shoes...

'I've been thinking a lot about what you told me earlier. It all makes sense to me now. The spark wasn't there for us because we didn't create it ourselves. You were right, were pushed into love."

Seiya recalled the conversation on the balcony. From the way Usagi was talking, it seemed as though she'd been thinking about this for quite some time.

"I feel bad for pulling him into my life. He has dreams too, and I feel like we're holding each other back. But I don't know what to do. This whole thing has been unraveling ever since the start. Every way I turned, I felt trapped. I just had to get away. So I came here..."

"Bun Head, I think you and your boyfriend need to have a talk. You deserve to live your own life and be happy. If he really loves you, he'd understand, no matter what you decide to do. And from how it sounds, he may even be relieved."

"Seiya... You're right, that's exactly what we need to do. I should have thought of that from the start. Thank you."

Seiya stroked her face lovingly and Usagi's lpis curled into a smile.

Somehow, they were going to get through this. Rei and Minako were there for her too. She didn't want to think about the future. Just imagining telling Mamoru and the outer guardians made her chest tight. She knew it wasn't going to be pretty trying to convince them. She wanted to live in the present, as foolish as that idea was. Being around Seiya made everything better. She was beginning to believe she could get through anything as long as she was by her side. But there was one thing that still bothered her.

"Um, Seiya?" she asked suddenly.

"Yes?"

Usagi stared at their hands. She struggled to find the words. "So um...how much...of me and Rei's conversation did you overhear?" she asked.

"I didn't overhear anything."

"Really?" Usagi studied her face. It looked like she was telling the truth.

"Really. Why, what were you talking about that you don't want me to know?"

Usagi laughed nervously. "Ahaha, nothing!" As relieved as she was, she knew what it meant - She was going to have to muster up the courage to tell her sometime soon. 'I love you.'