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Chapter 3

Bella's POV

"I have one more present for you, love." Edward kneeled down in front of me and pulled a small box from his pocket.

I felt Emmett stiffen behind me.

No way, this can't be happening. If Edward is about to do what I think, this is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. What could he be thinking? He obviously knew that I wouldn't want this, right? Every time he touched me tonight I'd pulled away. I felt bad, not having had the conversation with him yet that would end things, but I couldn't stomach the thought of his hands on me anymore.

I tried to make eye contact with Alice, but she was suspiciously focused on fixing Jasper's hair. She had told me earlier that everything was happening as it needed to, but how could this be necessary? I didn't want to hurt Edward like I was about to if this was really happening. He didn't deserve that.

Please, please let it be earrings. I begged to whatever force in the universe that could possibly hear me. Please don't let this happen right now.

"Isabella Marie Swan," Edward's voice was smooth and as confident as ever, "I love you. You are my entire reason for existing. I promise to love you and keep you safe every single day of your life. I know you're not ready to get married, but I hope you will accept and wear my mothers ring as a testament to our relationship and commitment to each other. And, one day, it will be the ring I place on your finger at our wedding."

He opened the box to reveal what was, truly, the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold - delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds.

Wow. What do I say to him? Again, Alice wouldn't look at me. A little warning about this would have been nice.

I was painfully aware of everyone else's eyes on us. Emmett's felt like they were burning a hole in the back of my head. Did he really have to do this in front of his whole family? Did I really have to hurt him this much?

"Edward… I - I don't…" I took a deep breath. This was going to happen eventually. I just wish it didn't have to happen like this. "Can we maybe talk about this in private?"

Edward's face fell. I caught a glimpse of despair before he smoothed it over with a blank mask. My heart broke for him, it did.

Esme stood, "We'll just go upstai-"

"No." Edward cut her off with a slight growl, "Nobody leave. You would all hear it anyway. If Bella really wants to be a part of this family, she can get used to that idea right now."

"Son, be reasonable. Surely a little semblance of privacy would be best." Carlisle's voice was steady, calm as only his could be.

"No. Say what you need to, Bella. I'm sure that everyone," his eyes moved behind me to glare at Emmett, "is curious."

My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. Did this really have to be so difficult? I halfheartedly looked to Alice again, but I knew it was a lost cause. I felt Jasper push out a wave of overwhelming relaxation and was incredibly grateful for his power. If this was how it had to happen - if I really needed to hurt him this badly - then I would do it. There was no way out of it.

"Edward, I can't accept. I can't. I don't want to hurt you, but how could you think that this," I gestured to the ring in his hand, "was where we were heading? You couldn't even effectively propose to me without making it clear that you still intend for me to stay human." I hadn't missed the way he'd said 'every day of your life', "I have no idea who you think I am, but let me tell you; I would never marry someone who I didn't know intended to be with me forever. I would never commit to someone who won't commit to me."

"Bella, love," he tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away, "I think you're overre-"

"I am not overreacting, Edward. Honestly, what did you expect me to say? I can't..." I didn't want to do this next part here, in front of everyone, but once I'd started to let the words out I couldn't stop, "I can't be the only to have noticed that there is something missing between us. I have love for you, I do, but I am not in love with you, Edward. I haven't been for a while. And after this, I'm even more sure that you aren't in love with me either. You want to be in love with me. You have some idealized version of me in your head where I'm forever a weak, innocent, perfect human that's completely reliant on you. That is not who I am. It is not who I want to be."

"You're wrong," Edward's voice was barely a whisper, "I know you, Bella, and I love you with everything I have. Is it so wrong for me to want to protect you from damning yourself for eternity? For wanting to protect your soul?"

He tried to reach out, to take my hand again. This time I moved my whole body back as far as I could, until I felt Emmett's burly frame behind me.

"Stop trying to touch me, Edward. Please. That's another thing," I dropped my voice, embarrassed by what I was about to say, but I knew everyone could still hear it, "how could you ever expect me to say yes when we could never truly be man and wife? You made it clear long ago that it was too risky for you to ever be… intimate with me. Even if you would, there's no passion between us. How could we ever have a real relationship without that? You only want me as a human, but when I become a vampire - no, that points not up for debate - I think that passion would still be missing. I haven't felt it since we first got together."

Edward was quiet for a long moment. Everyone was. The only audible thing in the room was my shaky breathing.

"Is there…" Edward shook his head, "Do you feel that passion for someone else?"

I might have imagined it, but I could almost swear I felt Emmett grow even more still behind me. Did he know what I felt for him? The few interactions we'd been able to have tonight gave me a small, infinitesimal glimmer of hope that he might feel the same way. Though, this wasn't the time or place for me to admit my own feelings.

"Whether or not I feel that way for anyone doesn't matter, Edward." I softened my voice, hoping that my next words wouldn't twist the knife too deeply, "The point is, I don't feel it for you. I just don't. I never wanted to hurt you, but something is missing between us and you know it. We would never be truly happy together. I'm sorry."

Edward snapped the ring box closed.

I looked to everyone else that was sitting silently around the table. "I'm sorry this had to happen in front of all of you. I know it must put you in an awkward position, but I hope you know how much I love you all, and I hope that you will still accept me as part of your family."

"Bella, of course! You will always be my daughter!" Esme walked over and pulled me into a big hug. The kind of motherly hug you need in a moment like this.

Carlisle was just behind her. "We all love you, Bella. You are already a member of the Cullen clan as far as I am concerned. I told you I would turn you someday and I meant it."

"Thank you," I wiped away a small tear.

I risked a cautious glance at Edward. He was still kneeling in front of me, completely immobile.

"Well, that was some party!" Alice cut the tension with her singsong voice, "Come on, Bella, I'll drive you home and we can talk about this weekend. Christmas is just around the corner and I-"

"I can take her," Emmett stood up so quickly behind me that I jumped, "don't worry about it, Alice. I haven't had to move as slowly as The Thing does in a while," he winked at me when he mentioned the nickname for my truck, "it will keep me humble."

He gave me the biggest, goofiest smile I had ever seen on him. I couldn't help but grin back. Even in moments like this, he knew exactly how to pull me out of myself and be happy. God, I want him.

"No!" Edward seemed to reanimate himself as Emmett spoke, "You will stay away from her. I meant it. You are not to go near her."

I had never heard so much malice in Edward's voice. Did he hear something in Emmett's thoughts? Something that confirmed my hidden hopes?

"Or what?" Emmett was still smiling when he addressed Edward, though his eyes had narrowed slightly, "You can't stop me."

"Yes, I can. I'll rip-"

"Stop." Carlisle cut Edward off with a clear mark of authority, "That's enough. I will take Bella home myself. Edward, I suggest you go hunt and try to contain yourself. You probably should too, Emmett. We will work this out when everyone's heads are clear enough to be civilized."

Edward growled, but didn't argue. He was once again motionless. I felt awful at having done this to him. More than anything though, I felt free. A weight was lifted off of me as it sunk in that I was no longer tied to him, but would still be able to keep my adoptive family.

I said goodbye to everyone - except Edward, that is - and thanked them for the party.

Emmett carried my gifts to the truck where Carlisle was waiting. It was so strange to see Carlisle's adonis-like figure sitting in my old truck. It didn't seem natural. I knew he was taking me himself to try and keep the peace between his sons and it made me feel enormously guilty.

Emmett momentarily pulled me out of myself by picking me up into a giant bear hug.

"Bye, Bells," he set me down and spoke so quietly against my ear that I had to strain to hear him, "I'll see you soon."

It started raining, of course, as we drove through the thick cluster of trees to the main road. The heavy droplets against the steel of my truck made me think it was safe to talk to Carlisle without being overheard.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I couldn't look him in the eye, "I never wanted to hurt Edward like that. I didn't ever want to cause tension in your family."

"Our family," Carlisle corrected me, "and you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Bella. Never apologize for being true to yourself. Do I think it could have gone better? Yes, but your hand was forced in there. The entire situation was a Hail Mary on Edward's part. It was bound to end badly."

"What do you mean?"

"He knew that the end was near and could not accept it. So he did the only thing he could think of to try and keep you."

I was quiet while I thought about everything that had happened. We were on the highway now, Carlisle managed to bring my truck up to a reasonable speed without it stuttering. I suddenly remembered Rosalie's absence tonight. I'd initially assumed she just didn't feel like bothering to show up - but after Edward's reactions to Emmett, it seemed like there might be something more to it.

"Where was Rosalie tonight?"

"She decided to go up to Denali for a while."

"Oh." My hopeful mood sank. She could have gone there for any number of reasons. She probably just missed their extended family. It surely had nothing to do with me or Emmett. I was stupid to think it meant something more.

"Bella," Carlisle hesitated, "I don't know if I'm the one who should tell you this, but I hate to see you looking so defeated. Rosalie left because Emmett finally told her he no longer wished to be with her."

"What? Why would he-"

Carlisle held a finger up, "Allow me to finish. I don't think I can answer any questions you have, but I can give you the opinion of someone who has observed them for nearly a century. Even in the very beginning, they were never actually in love. Rosalie sought a companion to boost her ego and make her forget all of the burdens she carried over from her human life. Emmett was all too willing after she saved him - not realizing until after he was in too deep that Rosalie was not the type of person he could be happy with. Above all, Emmett seeks to enjoy life. He is firm in his character and, unlike my other children, he loves being an immortal. He doesn't see a negative in everything that comes with it. To him it is a gift. He needs someone who can relish in that the same way he does - who he can explore and grow with throughout this life - and it was never going to be Rosalie."

He parked the truck across the street from my house.

"It looks like you have some visitors."

Great. I recognized the old Ford truck instantly. The last thing I needed tonight was the third degree from Billy.

"I guess that's why Alice told me not to go inside yet," I sighed.

"Speaking of Alice," Carlisle glanced at the clock on my dashboard, "I was told to park here instead of the driveway and keep you from walking out for exactly one more minute. It's amazing how blindly I follow her advice. Sometimes I wonder if we are all just puppets to her."

He chuckled softly, as did I.

The patter of the raindrops stopped and the air was filled with a serene quiet.

"Looks like that's what we were waiting for. I don't mind being a puppet if it keeps me from getting drenched." I hopped out of the truck and walked around to give him a hug goodbye, "Thanks for telling me all that, Carlisle. I really appreciate it."

"Of course. I only want the best for all my children." He glanced toward the woods behind my house. "Enjoy the rest of your birthday, Bella."

He disappeared into the night.

I slowly walked to the backyard, carefully avoiding all the windows of my house. I could feel my heart speeding up with each step I took. After what Carlisle said, I had more hope than I had ever dared to allow myself that Emmett might want me, but I was too afraid to really believe it.

"Emmett?" I half whispered when I stepped onto the trail.

My eyes hadn't yet adjusted to the dense darkness, but I felt a large, stone hand intertwine with my own.

It pulled me further into the trees.

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