~Wavering Destiny~
by Strawberry Moon Rose

200 reviews! Wow! When I first started this story I was ecstatic just to have two reviews lol. For each of you who leave comments, thank you so much! It means more than you think to me :)

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Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi.

Chapter 36: Things Will Never Be the Same

"Usagi! Phone's for you!" Minako's mother called from the kitchen.

Usagi exchanged glances with Minako. They were sitting side by side on the couch watching TV.

"It's probably my mom," Usagi said, standing up. "We're supposed to be getting home from our trip any day now. I should have called her earlier."

Minako nodded and turned back to the TV. She was sitting with her knees to her chest. She hugged the blanket they'd been sharing closer to her tired body.

Usagi walked around the corner into the kitchen. Minako's mother smiled at her and offered her the telephone.

She was an older version of her daughter. The woman wore her curly hair back in a ponytail and had bright eyes. As strange as it was, her personality was similar to Usagi's own mom, Ikuko. If she wasn't so depressed, she would have found that comforting.

Covering the bottom speaker with her hand, Minako's mother said in a low voice, "I'm not sure who it is Usagi, but he sounds desperate."

Usagi nodded and accepted the phone from her. She was certain it was her father, overreacting as usual when she hadn't called. Pressing the device to her ear, she waited until Minako's mother was around the corner before she spoke.

"Dad, I'm sorry I hadn't called yet, I was going to-"

"Usako, I want to speak with you."

Usagi froze. She found herself wrapping her finger around the coiled telephone cord. She hadn't been expecting to hear Mamoru on the line. She wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Y-yeah?"

"Can you meet me now? I think we need to talk."

"I... I don't know. It's almost supper time, that'd be kinda rude to just-"

"Please don't make excuses. You've been ignoring me long enough, don't you think? Let's just meet face to face. I'll be waiting at the park by the bench. You know the spot. See you there in ten minutes."

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Usagi pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it blankly. She swallowed, her stomach tightening up. They did need to talk. He deserved that much.

"Who was that, Usagi?" Minako poked her head around the corner.

Usagi forced a smile. "Just my dad," she lied. "He's really worried I didn't call him when we got back. I think I'd better go talk to him in person and explain."

Minako frowned and looked at her wrist. "But it's almost suppertime, can it wait?"

"I know, and I'm really sorry, Minako. But he sounded pretty urgent. I'll just sort things out and come right back, 'kay?"

Minako gave her a skeptical glance. "I can come with you if you want. It's getting awfully dark out..."

"No!" Usagi bit her lip, not meaning for it to come out so sharp. She regretted watching the recoil on her friend's face.

"I mean, don't worry about it, Minako." Usagi hid her face and walked to the entryway. She slid her shoes on and put her hand on the door handle. "I'll be back soon."

The sun had set behind the Tokyo skyscrapers. Everyone was getting off work and the sidewalk was crowded. Usagi squeezed around people and hurried downtown to the park.

She knew the spot he had been referring to. They had been on a date and had sat on that very bench together once before.

Jogging down the sidewalk, she stopped to catch her breath, panting with her hands on her knees. When she looked up, she saw the older man sitting tensely in that very spot.

Mamoru was wearing that atrocious green jacket of his and light purple pants. Usagi approached him, feeling uneasy. The park was deserted at this time of evening. She ignored the grumbling in her stomach and walked on, just wanting to get this conversation over with.

The second Usagi got close to him, he stood up and hugged her. She went stiff under his embrace.

"Usako..." Mamoru led her back to the wooden bench. She sat down beside him, fidgeting with her hands in her lap.

"Yeah Mamo? What...what do you want to talk to me about?"

Mamoru smiled and said softly, "I'm just glad you're back that's all, love." He brushed a stray golden hair out of her face. Usagi flinched under his touch. His face crumbled.

"Sorry..." she murmured and looked away. God, this is so awkward!

Mamoru held her hand tighter. "It'll just take some time getting used to it again."

Usagi gulped. He was right. This was supposed to be the norm now. Her and Mamoru forever and always. That was her destiny in the past, present, and future. In the end, destiny had turned out to be inescapable.

Usagi realized he was waiting for a response so she slowly nodded. What could she say? It wouldn't change anything.

The silence was painful. The crickets chirped a romantic song. A soft breeze rustled the bushes behind them, bringing the faint scent of grass and wilderness.

Usagi shifted uncomfortably under the hard bench. She couldn't ignore Mamoru's rough hand interlaced with hers. It was too weird. Gently sliding her fingers out of his, she forced a meek smile.

"How about we start slowly? I don't know if I'm ready for this quite yet." Usagi watched his expression change. "But we can work our way up there again," she added quickly. "Just...not now, Mamo. I can't. I'm still hurting over..." Her throat choked up. She couldn't even say her name aloud.

Mamoru sighed and looked off in the distance. For a long time, he didn't say anything. Usagi peeked over at him, wondering if he was mad. Eventually he turned back to her, his expression hard as stone.

"I don't understand. Why can't we pick up where we left off? Everything was perfect, let's go back to that, Usako."

Perfect? Usagi frowned. Nothing in her life was perfect. Nothing in anyone's life was perfect. If someone had asked her two years ago if she thought her future with Mamoru was perfect, Usagi would have said yes in a heartbeat. But as the years went by, she realized the truth; an arranged love was bound to take its toll on them eventually. Their unwoven relationship was far from perfect.

"I'm sorry, Mamo. Maybe we saw it that way once, but I don't anymore. But I'll...I'll go back to it for Chibi-Usa's sake. Just give me some more time to sort things out." She started to stand up.

"Wait." Mamoru grabbed her wrist.

"Please let go."

"Sorry." He released his grip. Mamoru adjusted his jacket, pulling it closer over the black undershirt. "It's just... Setsuna came to me and told me some pretty disturbing news."

"Setsuna? What'd she say?"

Mamoru opened his mouth, but hesitated. He motioned for Usagi to come closer. She reluctantly took a step in his direction. Mamoru placed both of his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

"Do you love me?" he asked quietly, avoiding her question.

Usagi tensed. She hadn't been prepared for this. Did she love him? After everything they'd been through, how could she not? It'd been a rough three years together, but there were a couple nice times too. It was impossible to erase those memories.

Usagi swallowed before replying in a quiet whisper, "Yes. I do love you, Mamo."

Mamoru looked relieved. It didn't last long. He saw a tear slide down the blonde's cheek and his shoulders fell slightly.

"But you love Seiya more?" He already knew the answer.

Usagi nodded, another tear escaped her. She quickly brushed it away. "I-I'm sorry, Mamo. You're a nice guy and all, and I know we've been through so much, but Seiya and I have something special that I came upon by myself. She understands me so well. She listens to me and knows what I want. She makes me laugh and being around her is like nothing else I've ever had before. I know the time I had with her isn't nearly as long as with you, but I know she's the one. I-"

Usagi was cut off when Mamoru roughly covered his mouth over hers. Her blue eyes widened. A muffled cry was drowned out under the taste of his lips. She was too stunned to react.

Mamoru pulled her closer and slid his hands to her back. When Usagi finally realized what was happening, she brought her hands up from her sides in a feeble attempt to push away. She used to dream of him initiating a kiss, but this didn't feel right.

"Mamo..." Her voice deadened. When he stopped for air, he just kissed her again, cutting off her protest. She turned her head away, catching his attention just long enough to slither out of his grasp.

"Why...did you do that?" Usagi asked in a shaky whisper. She looked at the man as if he was a total stranger. Her heart was racing in fear, confusion, and hurt.

"We can't wait any longer, Usako. We need to hurry and get things back to the way they were before. That's what I'm trying to do."

"I told you, I'm not ready yet!"

Hearing Usagi confess that she loved Seiya more than him had struck a chord. Pushing him away only aggravated the humiliation. He snapped.

"Then when will you be ready? A month? Two months? What makes you think Chibi-Usa will still even be around by then? At this very second she could disappear because you're being selfish! You're not even making an attempt for us to get together for her sake. This isn't all about you, Usako. Do you think I'm happy about this arrangement either? If it wasn't for our daughter, I'd let you go. Run off with Seiya for all I care! I don't get what she can give you that I can't, but it's your decision. If you want to throw away your perfect life, I'd say go right ahead and do it. We both can move on and be happy for once."

Mamoru swallowed and closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts. "But it doesn't work that way. If we want Chibi-Usa to be born, you have to love me more than anyone else. If it isn't true, it won't work. That's what Setsuna told me. And at this rate, Chibi-Usa still won't exist if we don't get the ball moving. Do you understand?"

Usagi was breathing hard. Her mind whirled. She hung her head and fisted her hands. She came home for Chibi-Usa's sake. If she still didn't happen, leaving Seiya would have been for nothing.

"I'll try harder," she said quietly after a long time.

"Good." Mamoru stepped forward and took one of her hands. With his other, he tilted her chin up, forcing her to look into his eyes. "And I'm sorry for acting this way. You have no idea how jealous I get when you talk about Seiya. I wish I'd treated you better when I had the chance." He sounded earnest enough she believed him.

"If I could do it all over again, I never would have left you, Usako. Then none of this would've happened."

You're wrong. You have nothing to do with this, Mamo. Even if you were hadn't left for America, I still would have fallen for Seiya.

Mamoru eased in. Usagi squeezed her eyes shut, knowing what was coming next. It just felt so wrong. Kissing Mamoru never used to feel this way until she knew what it was really like to kiss somebody. Now that she did, she realized kissing him was like kissing a toad - nothing but lips mashing together. This frog was no longer her prince charming.

She couldn't bring herself to do anything more than just stand there and welcome his domination. She didn't want to kiss Mamoru, she wanted to kiss Seiya.

Kissing Seiya... The way her hands glided over Usagi's body. She was always careful and knew where to touch her like it was pure intuition. Her lips were bigger than Mamoru's and more tender. Being so close to the Starlight would make her head spin from her rosy scent, mixed with the olive scented Kinmokian air. Usagi would pull her closer and tug gently on her bluish ponytail. Their heartbeats would bounce off each other, loud and palpable.

But she wasn't kissing Seiya. And as much as Usagi pretended she was, it didn't work. Everything about Seiya was softer; her lips, her tongue, her hands, her breasts, her touch. Usagi's hand drifted down Mamoru's shoulder onto his biceps. Seiya was muscular too, but never held her this forcefully. When she tangled her fingers at the back of his neck, there was no ponytail. Brushing her hands from his hair to his face, the crescent earrings she was used to feeling weren't there.

She missed their sad, beautiful, tragic love affair. She missed kissing Seiya and being unaware of the destruction it was causing. Ignorance was truly was bliss.

Mamoru felt something wet and warm touch his cheek. He opened his eyes in surprise to find silent tears were trickling down Usagi's face as they kissed. Alarmed, he pulled away.

Usagi kept her eyes shut and bit her lips. "Seiya..." she whispered almost inaudibly to the air.

Mamoru turned sharply away from her and frowned at the ground.

Usagi blinked and touched her face. She'd been so engulfed in her memories, she hadn't even realized she was crying.

"Please leave," Mamoru said coldly to the ground. His back was to her and she couldn't see his face.

"Mamo, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Just leave."

"But...what about Chibi-Usa? We have to try, don't we? Give me one more chance. I'll give it my all, I promise!"

"Just forget it. I'll talk it over with Setsuna and find some other way to save Chibi-Usa. I'll do it myself if I have to. But I know one thing for sure - this isn't working. It's clear it will never work out between us. No matter what I do or how long I wait, your heart will always belong to her, won't it?"

More teardrops rolled down her face. Unable to find her voice, Usagi just nodded.

"I'm sorry, Usagi. But please just go. I need to be alone now." With that, he started to walk away.

Like someone had punched her in the stomach, Usagi doubled over and dropped to her knees. The sidewalk was spinning under her palms. The cement felt cold and the tiny pebbles prickled at her knees. Usagi. Mamo just called me Usagi. Not Bun Head, not Usako. Usagi. I can't believe this is happening. It's over between us for good. Chibi-Usa's really going to be gone now.

Usagi cried to the ground. "But Mamo! What am I supposed to do?! I don't want her to disappear! Come back, we'll make this work!"

Mamoru stopped walking to turn around and look at her. The street lights above him flicked on as the night aged. The harsh light brought out the shadows of his face.

"There's nothing more you can do. It's clear where your heart lies, and I can't change that. I don't think even you can."

Usagi watched him walk away. Their relationship was like glass; once it was broken, there was no going back to the way it was before. She could glue the pieces back together, but she'd never find them all. Even if she did, it wouldn't be the same.

Things would never be the same.

Usagi sat there by the bench crying for a long time. She flashed back to the last time she was at this spot with him. He'd turned cold and heartless just as he did now and had knocked her balloon out of her hand. Then he'd left her standing there feeling hurt and confused. She'd watched him walk away then too, helplessly.

Usagi clutched her mid section and bawled. Not only had she lost Seiya, but now she'd lost Mamoru and Chibi-Usa too.

Chibi-Usa...

She could still remember that day when Chibi-Usa fell from the sky. That little brat knew how to push all of her buttons. But as annoying as she was, she'd matured through the years and grew up to have a beautiful heart and become a strong sailor guardian. Her friendship was pure and innocent, Hotaru could tell anyone that. Her dreams were so big Pegasus was bound to her. Like Usagi, Chibi-Usa wanted to see the good in everyone. She was a major part of her life. And to think she could vanish just like that was terrifying.

She looked up and realized the night had fallen. Scared and alone, Usagi forced herself to her feet. She knew Minako would be worried sick if she didn't return, but the thought of going back there and curling up in a ball in her bed seemed trivial and would change nothing. She'd been mourning for the past week and it'd only worsened the situation. Sitting around did no good - she needed to act.

But how? There was no youma, cardian, droid, daimon, lemure, or phage as the opponent. She was dealing with something different this time.

Angry with herself for being pushed around and still coming up empty handed, Usagi pulled out her locket and transformed right there, not even bothering to look around first.

"Moon Eternal...Make Up!"

The pink light washing over her felt good. She let the magic dry her tears and heal her scratched wounds on her hands and knees. A moment later, she stood as Eternal Sailor Moon. Closing her eyes, she brought her hand over her locket and it begun to glow.

Mamo doesn't want me anymore. Haruka and the others will also be disappointed I couldn't fix things with him. If it's too late to save Chibi-Usa then it doesn't matter where I am anymore. There's nothing holding me back.

Chibi-Usa, I'll never give up on you. I'll save you. Wait for me, I'll come for you somehow. But first, there's somewhere else I need to go.