~Wavering Destiny~
by Strawberry Moon Rose
"Spending My Time" by Roxette. It's the song I hear Seiya singing with her guitar in this chapter. I've been waiting since chapter one to give it the credit it desperately deserves and finally I can. Without it, this story wouldn't exist, that's how much of an inspiration it is. It describes Seiya's feelings perfectly.
(Roxette is also the original artist of the popular ballad, "Listen to Your Heart". So if you like that song, you will love this one.)
I wish all of you would give it a listen before reading this chapter.
Then, enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi.
Chapter 37: Before the Storm
"Seiya, where are you going?" Healer picked up her pace down the palace halls. She hated running, but she had to to keep up with Seiya. In mid step, she let her transformation go and returned to her civilian self.
Seiya stopped and turned around. "To my room, why?"
"You're not gonna write another song, are you? How many have you written this week anyways?"
"So? I'll write as many as I want to. How else am I supposed to cope? You should try it, Yaten."
Yaten scowled. "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. I was gonna ask if you wanted to come to town with me and Taiki, but I can see you've got other things to do." She turned around and stomped away. Glancing over her shoulder she added, "And it doesn't matter how many songs you write, it'll never change anything."
Seiya used every once of strength in her body to keep from turning around and doing something she would regret. She raised one foot in front of the other and continued to her room. She shut the door behind her harder than necessary and tore across the carpet.
Yaten's truthful words stung. it didn't matter how she dealt with the pain, it'd never bring Usagi back to her. She hated when Yaten was right.
Ever since the sailor guardians had left, things had been different for all of them. At first, Seiya couldn't even get out of bed. But she'd forced herself to so she wouldn't worry the Princess. She went through her duties absentmindedly and spent all of her free time sulking around writing sappy love songs. When the others were asleep, she'd sneak into Usagi's guest room and just lean against the balcony, reminiscing all the times they'd shared together and pondering on how things had turned bleak so quickly.
Usagi's rozamoku was still laying on her dresser. Seiya didn't dare to touch it. It was already fragile and crumbly, the petals all withered. It was a symbol of their love and ironic it was dead.
Taiki seemed a bit quieter than usual and spent an awful lot of time in the library writing long journals of poetry. As for Yaten, it was like she'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed every morning. Seiya felt like walking on eggshells around her and tended to avoid the moody Starlight. She knew underneath all the resentment, Yaten was devastated about losing Minako and didn't want to talk about it.
Seiya grabbed her guitar and headed outside. She had a few hours until nightfall and wanted to be alone in their special place.
Trudging down the slope of rocks, Seiya headed to the ocean. The apricot sunset blinded her, but the darkness was settling too soon in the northeast. The crashing sound of water on water and water on sand filled her ears as she got nearer. She gazed out at the churning waters. A storm was imminent, she could feel the static hanging in the air. A gust of wind tousled her ponytail around her.
Her footing faltered and she stumbled on an unsecured rock. Seiya fell to her knees and slid, scraping her side against the sharp rocks.
The pain shooting up her leg was excruciating. She'd protected her guitar safe in her arms, but there was a slice across her upper thigh that bled in agony.
Seiya let out a heavy sigh. She got to her feet and brushed the dirt from the scratch. Ignoring the wound, she continued, more careful this time, until the earth gave way to sandy pebbles. She walked over to the spot where Usagi had sat when they'd come out that night and swam together.
Plopping down in the damp sand, Seiya propped her guitar up in her arms and begun to play a heartsore song. The words traveled from her heart to her tongue with little effort. She'd been working on the piece nonstop for the past few hours and it was near completion. It told of her numbness and watching the days fly by out of her control.
She hated sitting around feeling empty. Seiya was always headstrong and took action, but not this time. She didn't even know if Usagi wanted to see her anymore after what had happened. It killed her that they hadn't even gotten a proper chance to talk before they had dragged her away. Trying to let her go the first time was difficult, but now it was near impossible after what had happened.
Seiya sang while staring out at the darkening skies. It was the calm before the storm, she could feel it in her bones. The air tasted unusually salty and the waves were louder and fiercer than usual. A cool wind mussed her bangs above her eyes. The sun dipped into the water as the night grew on. It was going to get nasty.
Finishing her song, Seiya laid her guitar down in the sand, careful to keep it far enough away from the frothy, lapping tide that nipped her toes. She gazed blankly out at the rolling sea, deep in thought.
"Seiya!"
Seiya squeezed her eyes shut. Great. She missed Usagi so much now she was hallucinating. How pathetic.
"Seiya!"
The Starlight snapped her head up. Wait a second. The high-pitched voice was too loud to be in her head. In fact, it sounded like Usagi was right behind her. Grasping into the tiny sliver of hope, she started to turn around. But she didn't see anything before someone took her down like a middle linebacker.
Seiya hit the ground with an "Oof!". Luckily the sand was soft, but she still got the wind knocked out of her. Shocked, she laid on her back and stared up at the ominous sky, breathing hard. What the heck just happened?
It took her a second to realize by the weight on her chest that someone was laying on top of her. She had little strength, but managed to crane her head up. When Seiya saw her, she stopped breathing.
Golden tresses of hair streamed down, tickling her face. Delicate hands clutched onto her shoulders. Seiya was looking up into the prettiest, most captivating pair of blue eyes she'd ever seen. It took a full ten seconds before she processed what she was seeing.
"Bun...head?"
Usagi grinned.
Seiya continued to stare at her like she couldn't believe it. It wasn't real, it couldn't be. Usagi was on the other side of the galaxy. She had to be dreaming again.
Seiya chuckled a little and laid her head back in the sand. She should have known it was too good to be true. How silly of her to even hope for the impossible.
But for a dream, it felt so real; the cool, ashy sand under her body, the water coming in and dampening her clothing, the crushing heaviness on top of her, the warmth of skin on skin, and the strawberry scent wafting around her. In fact, almost too real.
"Seiya?" Usagi caressed her cheek. "Are you okay?"
Seiya opened her eyes again into the beautiful face hovering over hers. Usagi was just as she remembered, unbelievably cinematic down to every minute detail.
"Is this a dream?" Seiya whispered, tears swelling in her eyes. She wouldn't be able to take it if she woke up and found this was just another figment of her imagination.
"No, I'm here. I'm really here, Seiya. I came back."
Seiya reached up and touched her face. She could feel Usagi's warmth under her fingertips.
"Oh my god, you're actually here, aren't you?" When the reality finally sunk in, she didn't waste a second. Seiya pulled her Bun Head down to her, squeezing her tight against her body.
Usagi hugged her back. Her eyes started to prickle and tears blurred her vision. She clung onto Seiya and took her face with both of her hands. Gazing down at her, one of her teardrops slid off her chin and landed on the Starlight's lips. They stared into each others eyes for a long time without saying anything. Gravity became too much and their lips drifted closer together and met in a sentimental kiss.
Emotions ran high. The scent of strawberries and roses collided once again.
Seiya's hands felt along her back, pulling Usagi down to her. She indulged in the sweet kiss, pushing all questions out of her head for later. All she knew right now was that Usagi was there for some reason and she wasn't going to miss a second of it.
Usagi let the warm feeling wash through her. Now this was what it was like to really kiss someone. She knotted her hands in the Starlight's blue hair, feeling along for the ponytail and crescent earrings. Yes, this was home.
The only sound was the swirling ocean and the whisper of the chilly breeze. It made them shudder and appreciate each others body heat even more.
After a minute, they broke away. Breathing hard and hearts galloping, Usagi rested her head on Seiya's chest and listened to the sound of her heartbeat.
Buh-boom. Buh-boom. Buh-boom.
Seiya kept touching the the moon princess's face. Fearful she'd disappear if she let go, she didn't dare. She trailed her fingers through her yellow bangs, missing the way her glossy hair had felt. This was definitely not a dream.
Suddenly the tide came in right where they were laying. Because of the brewing storm, the waters were getting rebellious. It washed over them both, drowning Seiya, as she was on the bottom.
"Seiya!" Usagi rolled off her so she could get up.
Seiya pulled herself into a sitting position. She coughed and wiped the seawater out of her face, feeling more surprised than anything.
"Are you okay?" Usagi knelt beside her.
Seiya laughed and brushed off the clammy sand that stuck to her body. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't see that coming. Too distracted."
Usagi smiled. She'd gotten splashed a little bit too, but not drenched like Seiya. Usagi tried her best not to stare as the Starlight's bra bled through her white blouse.
Seiya's head was too busy swimming with questions she couldn't bring herself to ask. Why was she here? What happened? Is her daughter okay? Is she alone? If so, do the others know she left? Does the Princess know she's back on Kinmoku?
Usagi read the questions in Seiya's eyes, but turned them away. She was acting on a whim, hoping she could stitch this all back together somehow.
"I need your help, Seiya," she started.
"Of course."
"We need to save Chibi-Usa. It's too late for me and Mamo."
"It is?"
"Yes."
"Bun Head, I'm so sorry."
"It's my fault. Anyway, I've been thinking about this on the way here, what to do next. Mamo said something about going to Pluto. She's the keeper of time. But he didn't want me to come along. I didn't know who else to turn to, and I'm too much of a coward to face my friends. I feel like I've failed them."
"Don't say that, Bun Head."
"That's just how it feels. It got me thinking, do you think Taiki knows anything about time travel or other dimensions?"
"I'm not sure. But if anybody would, it'd be her."
"Okay," Usagi said.
Seiya noticed her hands were shaking, so she took them lovingly. "It'll be okay," she told her.
"Seiya, I hope you're right. I can't lose either one of you. I couldn't live with myself."
"I know that. C'mon. We should get to higher ground. The storm that's coming is supposed to get pretty nasty."
They gazed out at the darkening skyline. The pretty purples were diffusing into grave grays and perilous blacks. It wouldn't be too long before the clouds would be in a fistfight with each other, throwing electrifying punches.
"Good idea," said Usagi.
Taking a step, Seiya winced and grabbed her thigh. The saltwater had rubbed into her cut. It stung like a scalding curling iron to her skin.
"Seiya! What happened?" Usagi's eyes fell to the red slice on her upper leg.
"Oh, it's nothing. I just slipped on the rocks when I came down here before."
"Nothing? It looks pretty deep."
"I'm telling you, it's fine. I've had far worse."
Usagi frowned. She didn't understand why Seiya always had to act so tough. If that was her, she'd probably be sitting on the ground wailing like a crybaby, just like the time when she'd tripped and scraped her knee in the park before their date.
Seiya picked up her guitar and hobbled back to Usagi. It was evident by the contortion of her face that it was painful.
"Come on, let's go inside before it starts raining. I don't think I can afford to get any wetter." Seiya glanced down at her soaking wet garments. She blushed when she noticed they were somewhat see through.
"I can carry your guitar," Usagi offered, pretending she hadn't noticed.
"Thank you."
"Um, I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything...but I heard some of your song you were playing before."
Seiya quickly looked away. She couldn't believe she'd heard her spilling out those lonesome lyrics. She didn't want Usagi to know how much her absence had crushed her, because she knew it would only make her feel bad. But it was too late for that now.
"Seiya, I never wanted you to feel that way. It's all my fault. I've always caused you so much pain. I'm sorry."
"Don't say that, Bun Head! That's not true. If anyone is to blame, it's me for getting you into this mess. I should've let you go the day we left Earth and this wouldn't have happened."
"Seiya..." Usagi swallowed. "I chose to come here, and I did because I missed you. And underneath that, because I love you. I don't regret anything, because now I've learned a lot of things. I know where my heart belongs and where I belong. I can't run away any longer. I'll find a way to make this work and I won't give up. So please don't say stuff like that Seiya, because it's not your fault and I don't want you to feel like it is."
Seiya couldn't reply. She understood where Usagi was coming from, but she couldn't help but feel responsible for the chaos their relationship had caused. The hope that they could end up together was painfully unclear. She didn't want to get her hopes up again if this didn't end well. But at the same time, if they could somehow work this out, she didn't want to let the opportunity slip out of her fingertips.
"Bun Head..." Seiya whispered. They looked at each other for a long time, but neither one of them seemed to know what to say.
A sharp gust of wind pulled them out of thought and they started to make their way hand-in-hand towards the palace. They could talk about this later, inside where it was warm and well lit.
The sky rumbled in the far distance. Usagi squeezed Seiya's hand tighter and eyed the darkening clouds.
Seiya read her mind and gave her a comforting smile that said, 'It's okay, I'm here. We'll get through this together'.
Usagi nodded and walked closer so their shoulders touched. It was such a simple motion, but made everything instantly better. The feeling of Seiya's skin through her wet shirt against her arm was proof that she was really there.
The storm was coming, Usagi could feel it. Rain, thunder, lightening, wind - it all would clash in a swirling mass of destruction. But it wasn't the storm in the sky that Usagi was afraid of. She knew her decision to flee back to Kinmoku would cause an uproar back home. It wouldn't be long before everyone found out where she'd went.
Grrrrumble.
The thunder among the clouds didn't seem too scary anymore. Whether that was because she knew worse would come or because Seiya was at her side once again, Usagi didn't know.