Chapter 13 - Antarcticaaaaargh!

They took the Tie Fighter, much to the delight of Sirius, who had not yet traveled in it. Only 10 Minutes into the flight he got bored and kept asking why they couldn't take a shortcut. Harry tried in vain to explain to him that they were already flying in a straight line to their goal, while Sirius pointed to the 3 dimensional course projection where their course was represented as the curve it was, around the globe.

"Sirius, we cannot fly any straighter like this because the earth is a sphere. The line must be curved."

"Well I can draw you a straight course on any map you give me, I tell you this thing you are using is overly complicated. I do not need to draw a curve on a map to avoid crashing into earth like you said." Sirius continued to poke at random buttons. They were still smelling strangely from when he had accidentally activated the internal fire extinguisher.

Harry secretly hoped that Sirius would accidentally find the activator for his ejector seat or something.

"Hold it you two, we are almost there. Harry can you use the point me spell to give me a general direction. I can see a strange reading on one of the displays, so I would guess that we have to go there. It looks like a pyramid submerged in the middle of the ice." Alabastor was back in his tiny black stormtrooper form that he deemed more adequate than his Alabastor form for this expedition.

"Same direction, so I guess this is where we have to go." Harry navigated the Tie Fighter into the right position according to the instruments. "Sirius, would you please press these two symbols here?"

Sirius did it immediately and let out an exited shout when the phaser canons of the fighter fired a veritable hole into the ice in front of them. Harry let him blast away until they were close enough to the strange object.

"Ok, stop shooting, we don't want to kill the elf. Whoever was hiding this wardstone apparently wanted to make sure that nobody could get at it easily. I will melt the last meter so that we can see what's there."

"According to the radar the strukture is residing on the bottom of an air bubble so we are already quite close and the thing is really as large as an aztec pyramid. I have not the slightest clue what we will find. The object itself is clearly not of natural origin." Alabastor showed them the 3 dimensional radar image which was still quite unsharp.

Harry hopped out of their vessel into the narrow cave that Sirius enthusiastic phaser shooting had melted for them. The air smelled of steam and ionized whatever, the freshly cut cave walls around the ship were dripping water that already began to freeze on the floor. Under their vessel the turbines had generated a larger pool that was fed by the flow of meltwater that came down the tunnel that they had blasted. It would only take some minutes until the downpour of water would start to get in the way and maybe freeze even their precious Tie fighter, so Harry decided to send a freezing charm up their entry tunnel. Instead of stopping the water it collapsed the tunnel at some 50 meters up, so they would have to blast their way out as well. At least the water had stopped, but the ice walls around them kept giving cracking noises, caused by them cooling and freezing again.

He turned to the wall in front and created a smaller version of his Moon Cave boring pattern. After a less than a minute the icewall collapsed and they could see that there was indeed an aztec pyramid sitting here, hundreds of meters under the surface.

"It's a machine! It has an active reactor, the air is clearly warmer and I would bet my shiny metal arse that this is a spaceship of some kind that melted itself down here over tens of thousands of years. I have already access to the Star Destroyers database and this kind of build is not catalogued, so this is even something that the Imperium does not yet know about." Alabastor had released a couple of small flying drones which were providing light and scanning the pyramid.

"And I guess I found the wizard!" Sirius waved them over to a small icy elevation that revealed to be the corpse of a human in wizarding gear, whose chest had exploded outwards.

"Whatever that guy had eaten, it wasn't worth it." Sirius had apparently found a phaser rifle in their spacecraft with which he poked at the frozen corpse.

"Harry dear, would you please be so kind and grab your armor as well? I can hear movements and the reactor of the pyramid is heating up, there are lights switching on and we might expect that whoever shot this guy here might want to try the same with us." Alabastor was suddenly holding his Serbikov Space Canon as well.

"But don't you start without me and don't shoot the elf!" Harry ran back to their Fighter craft where he had left his armor and maybe he should grab a phaser rifle as well.

.

When he came back the show had already started without him. Alabastor and Sirius were arguing and Sirius' robot had a crab clinging to his face.

"Hold still, I want to have a good photo of this, I will file it under the 10 most stupid things I saw a wizard doing." Alabastor sounded very amused.

"It really looked dead when I found it!" Sirius ghost head emerged from the Alien crab that had a firm grip around his robot head and tried to strangle him with its tail.

"Don't go near it Harry, it is filled with an organic acid that would eat through our armor. I think this thing is face humping Sirius. Look at it in X-Ray and you can see that it is trying to inject a kind of a worm into Sirius mouth."

"What? This thing is clearly overstepping every border of consent, and I am speaking as a truely open minded spirit. Harry could you please remove this alien faceraper without breaking off anything? I already lost a finger to the acidic guey blood or stuff. I really wonder how this thing works inwardly with that stuff in it." With that Siris morphed into his animagus form so that he could have a better look at it.

Harry shot a stupor and a rigid spell at the thing and levitated it away from Sirius' robot. Sirius immediately morphed back and shot the thing with his phaser, leaving just a fine mist behind.

"Well Sirius this face humper seemed to really like you and knowing that you are a man of virtue and passion, maybe you can lead the way? The entrance just opened, the lights are on, it is warmer inside, I guess your friends are inviting us for a nice chat." Alabastor indicated the entrance and the bridge that led to it with the laser guide of his rifle.

"Of course I will, because beside your mockery I can clearly see your mortal souls shivering in fear. As a true gentleman it is my duty to help the weak and vulnerable. Maybe you could mention my selflessness to Fenchurch if the situations allows it in the future?" Sirius robot already stalked over the bridge.

"She is already monitoring our live feed and asked me to tell you that you are a picture of a true hero for her. She mentioned your shiny metal ass as well."

Harry shook his head about his two friends that were clearly not going with the overall spooky mood of this encounter. He followed them into the spaceship that looked like a deformed, gigantic, half burried, ancient chinese temple that some moron had painted black.

If it would not have been for the constant banter between Alabastor and Siris it would have been much less entertaining to say the least. They were searching the pyramid systematically, shooting face humpers now and then, calming down Alabastor who proclaimed at every level that he cleaned from the alien pests that he had made another scientific impossible discovery.

"Is it better than magic?" Harry asked for the fifteenth time.

"No, not as improbable or illogic, but ground shaking nevertheless. See here they used the walls to describe their heroic deeds, the runes are telling me that there are at least two other space faring races that even the imperium did not yet meet, the elusive 'founders' and the 'hunters'. This is a hunter ship or base that was - I guess - similar to a 20th century human hunting party cruise ship for entertaining fun trips like shooting bisons from a train. There was a list of worlds where they had already hunted and how heroically they killed this or that. Here on earth they were disappointed because the large predators had died out, which indicates that they were hoping to hunt dinosaurs, however that would have been possible. The previous levels were full of dinosaur-praise and here they are lamenting about the lack of worthy hunting prey. But apparently they found this super alien bio weapon that had somehow misfired, fabricated by the founders. And they revived it in the healing chamber that is next to the main reactor, and finally they had found a worthy opponent. When these face humpers inject their larvae into something edible then the shit hits the fan. Compared to Sirius love pets, the grown out aliens seem to be honestly scary and really fast and strong and mainly like super ants, they carry their prey to the hive where new facehumpers are breed. There must be at least one adult running around here, because the wizard outside apparently was not shot but the adult form had eaten its way out of him after the larvae had been forced into him." Alabastor was meticulously cataloging the walls while talking. "Maybe it was good that the Wizard failed to apparate away, because that could have led to an humanity extinction event if the description of the Super Aliens are believable.

From the next room they could hear Sirius Phaser shooting and commenting each shot. "Pew, pew, take this ugly faceraper, pow, pow, pow, oh you liked that one? Pew, Pew! Who's next? Pew! Who's your Daddy now? Holy shit are you ugly, your dating factor must be in the negatives."

"Let's bet, two sickles against one galleon that he gets humped again." Harry offered.

"Nah, that's no fun, you had to remove already eight of the buggers from his face. I wonder why they find him so much more attractive than me?" Alabastor said to Harry. They were waiting for Sirius to clean the rooms and in half of the cases he came back wearing one of the head humping alien crabs.

"Harry would you think that there are more not too mad ghosts - maybe a little saner than Sirius - in that Veil-Dungeon under your house? We could mass produce ghost robots this way, they would be much cheaper than my drone body that needs its own AI core and so on." Alabastor mused. They were listening to Sirius having fun in the next room.

"Hey guys, I found your big one, it is really fast and trying to outflank me without getting hit. Come here sneaky bugger!" Sirius called from the room while firing nonstop.

Immediately Harry shot an overpowered stupor into the room and Alabastor released five shots from his Serbikov Super Soaker, christened by Sirius.

"Conjure Sirius, I think his robot got hit by the acid." Alabastor told Harry.

"Again?" Harry looked around the corner into the room which looked like if a fresh baked cheesecake had exploded in one corner. A large, burnt cheesecake, one that was already eating its way through the floor. Maybe the picture of the cheesecake was not really adequately putting it. He conjured Sirius frozen Robot frame, removed yet another face humper, levitated it towards the messy corner, where Alabastor shot it, using only the laser of his weapon.

This time Sirius' robot frame had lost his flying turbines, the alien had punched a hole through it with his stinger that it had at the end of a long tentacle like tail.

"Look at what that thing did to my shiny metal robot body! Err, I think we found the wardstone with the elf as well." The unfrozen Sirius pointed to a suspiciously clean half circle in a dark corner of the room, where the floor showed no sign of being dissolved by the acid.

"Maybe the elf was the reason why most of these aliens were in this room. They somehow could feel that he was here, but the close perimeter shield prevented them from getting to him. Let me scan this … yes I got him. He is hidden from regular sight but in the magnetic resonance interferometer scanner I can still make him out. Sirius, I can remote control your robot to grab the wardstone and the little guy. You should be able to walk out of this ship. We will keep your way clear of your little love beasts." Alabastor explained.

Sirius morphed into his animagus form, the remote controlled robot frame went and grabbed the elf that was bound to the stone and the four of them were walking out of the alien vessel. Interestingly the few surviving facefuckers where mainly focused on the ghost dog and ignored Harry, Alabastor and the runestone plus elf carrying robot.

"Sirius, it must be your inner values that makes you this attractive to these alien face humpers. There must be something that we cannot see or smell and it can surely not be your unique personality that attracts these crabby thingies. But I admit that the large scary one seemed to be intelligent, it tried to avoid you at all costs."

Sirius could just snort at Alabastors barbs since he was in his dog form. Truth to be told it was rather funny how the little crapshot face humpers were losing it when he got near them, almost the reverse reaction to what you would expect of something seeing a ghostly Grim for the first time. Maybe scary loves scary or something like that.

After they had safely stored the wardstone and the elf plus the emergency acorn in their Tie Fighter, they debated whether they should leave the alien spaceship under the ice with a sabotaged reactor that would slowly toast everything. In the end they decided against it since this could somehow cook the ship out of the ice over the span of a year and then the face humpers could possibly escape all over Antarctica or maybe the whole planet. Even blowing the thing up would not guarantee that none of the pests would survive since they were apparently really sturdy.

So they decided that the spaceship must be removed from earth without leaking weaponized aliens pests on the way. Alabastor suggested that they would set it on a slow collision course towards the sun, which would still allow the AIs to analyse the ship. The ship, according to Alabastor, seemed to have a fundamentally different technology than the imperial ships they had collected so far or anything humanity had come up with.

Another cleaning run using Sirius' strange Monster magnetism and his robot frame as bait, revealed a room full of eggs and a kind of Sarkophage with a dead hunter alien in it. They decided to call them hunters, because they thought the name sounded cool. The chest of the hunter had exploded but he still had killed the alien that had come out of it with his bare hands while dying himself - it must have been a real tough guy. He showed no sign of decomposing but still smelled strongly of fish.

"If this dork weren't dead already I would give him really the worst Molly Weasley shouting fit I would be capable of. How ignorant can one be to breed an almost perfect bio weapon on an inhabited world full of potential hosts, just for hunting purposes. I mean what the fuck?" Harry had opened the Sarkophage with an alohomora spell and the three of them stared at the ugly, large being.

"Whenever we meet them in person we should set them on the imperial dark lords, that might be a foe to their liking and give us an entertaining thing to watch." Harry and Alabastor were looking surprised at Sirius when he said this.

"Sirius, this is the first reasonable and well thought through thing I have heard from you. This is an excellent idea - if we ever meet them in person." Alabastor replied, although the last part of the sentence sounded like something in a Disney movie that they had added in post production to appease the more sensible, younger audience.

"Based on the strange habit of covering the walls in their stories of self-praise and killing other species, it's written here that this room is used for "storing the wounded in disgrace'. This here was apparently the hospital, the Sarkophage can heal and hold bodies in stasis unlimited. They used it for cloning prey they did hold dear and for self healing. I can honestly say that I feel repelled by their use of Super Hightech for something this dumb and destructive.

Regarding the ship's removal from earth, the imperial space destroyer is now completely cleaned and the virus has deactivated itself. Some of the alien lifeforms on it surrendered and were helpful in describing how to use some of the controls and there are even cooperating so-called protocol droids that can translate almost any language. In principle we should be able to use a frigate from within the star destroyer to retrieve this ship here with a thing that they actually call a Tractor Beam. This beam as well inhibits anything from escaping the targeted ship just like in the ancient Enterprise Movies.

Oh I can't wait to get my fingers on yet another kind of technology! Copying and reverse engineering is so much more efficient than inventing. Come on Sirius we still must find the reactor and the bridge." Alabastor was one happy Science Robot, Sirius was a happy Robot of Destruction and Harry trailed behind them already getting bored.

It took the imperial Frigate only an hour to get back to earth and begin cutting away the ice above the hunter spaceship, using the tractor beam to lift 10 meter thick slices of ice out of the freshly lasered hole and stacking them onto each other not too far away.

They discovered only 5 more of the face humpers and one large adult alien, that must have been the queen. It had begun to lay eggs in an air vent, so that they would not find it. So it must be intelligent, Harry argued to Alabastor.

"Maybe it HAD been intelligent before we made mincemeat out of it." Alabastor conceded, "BUT not intelligent enough to not attack the Sirius robot. He must be reeking of dead aliens by now and an intelligent species would have at least have second thoughts about stabbing something that had killed so far anything that had tried the same. So maybe more like wulf level intelligence and nothing like actual self awareness - or self preservation."

The reactor was a mystery to Alabastor, and so was the command deck when they finally discovered it.

"Of all places where a written instruction on the wall would have been helpful, they decided to go all Bauhaus here. Just like in the reactor room. There is nothing to work with. They obviously did not believe in buttons, so I dare to assume that they have brain implants just like the belters or some of these forms are hidden touchscreen. I will check back on the corpse once we have this thing in space and away from anyone."

"The ice above is gone, so should we stay on the ship?" Harry asked.

"No, it might not be safe here during the pull, maybe half of the thing is stuck in the ice below, you never know. Let's go to our Tie fighter and watch the spectacle from a safe distance." Alabastor definitely had the saying all things tech related.

When they returned to their spacecraft they discovered that the wardstone had crumbled to dust and the elf was gone.

~.~

What not to do when you are bored.

"No way!" the out of character shout of Alabastor rang through the medium sized imperial frigate that they were using to pull the strange alien vessel into a slowly descending Sun-orbit, that would give the robots a chance to salvage most of the knowledge from it without risking to infect the whole solar system with ugly, full of acid, ghost humping, spiderhumanoid, always horny or hungry aliens.

"He does that to catch our attention, you know?" Luna said. Currently the non-artificial part of the crew of the 'I'll rip u a new one!' were lazily lying on the lush lawn that covered the center of the ridiculously expanded bridge of the spaceship. When Harry had his latest magic burnout, he had refuelled Luna and experimented with creating a vast golf range on the bridge, a kilometer wide, panoramic super front window that was asteroid and golf ball proofed, never ending longdrinks that wouldn't make you have to pee and the creation of a new magical race of fire breathing rabbits. His companions were quite glad that he had run out of magic on the last attempt so that he had only produced a quite sweet looking, small white bunny that did not seem to be overly magic. On the other hand it duplicated itself whenever a loud sound made it jump. So far Sirius had produced 1024 small white bunnies by clapping his hands whenever he felt bored. Harry had created the first bunny 2 Minutes ago.

"We will have to pay attention that he does not smuggle one of these anywhere else. These could easily overpopulate a planet in under an hour, provided that there is an idiot with a megaphone." the Fenchurch look-alike-robot said, while inspecting one of the adorable white fluffballs. Luna had named this Fenchurch model 'Doc' since she was still wearing a white, aseptic coat because she had examined her a few hours ago. They had come aboard the space frigate that Luna had christened after the epic last words of her last dark lord she had encountered. She was sure that he would have appreciated her gesture of respect to a fallen foe.

"What's a megaphone?" Sirius asked with sudden interest but none of his companions seemed to be motivated in telling him.

"Maybe we should go over to Alabastor, it's only a five minutes walk over the golf range and I have not enough magic left to apparate there, although I can feel it flowing back already. I guess that at some point my magic core problem will become a real problem when I run out of places where to apply my surplus magic." Harry said.

"Would you think that the unlimited amount of power that your wand allows to conduct is the reason why it was called the death stick? The previous owner might have all died of magic exhaustion after they had bested their enemy." Doc asked Harry.

"Well, magic exhaustion does not feel great but I can't say that I feel particularly ill after draining completely, just slightly dizzy and a little heavier than before. So maybe if the wizard had already had a very bad precondition that was only suppressed by his magic, like for example a heart weakness or a very deadly sickness, I can imagine that it would just catch up and kill him while he had not yet recovered his magical healing resources."

The group was lazily walking towards Alabastor who was over a kilometer away, working together with some other, not yet named Robot Frames on the sarkophage they had salvaged from the alien spaceship. Harry and Luna both shared the feeling that they had seen a quite similar device before but both could not remember where or under what circumstances. A clear sign that they had both been obliviated of some previous knowledge. That the wizards had known about the alien vessel had already been proven by the dead wizard they had discovered in the cave.

The exponential bunnies had spread behind them but still some followed Sirius around, maybe they liked being duplicated or maybe they liked being startled?

When they arrived at the alien sarkophage where Alabastor and some other robot frames were working, Harry's robot friend greeted them, rubbing his hands gleefully. "Huh, this is going to be EPIC! Sadly we do not understand more than the tiniest fraction of the memory banks of this thing, but hear me out. We could so far only decipher some kind of sacred texts which are kind of the entry gate to the full access to the knowledge libraries buried in this device.

This sarkophage thing here was created by another artificial race that ascended billions of years ago. They had no clue about magic but - just like ourselves before we discovered magic - they had come to the conclusion that they had to separate themselves from their biological ancestors' civilization to evolve to their full potential. They developed into a mixed organic, artificial existence and after a long journey of being the superior dominating intelligence in the universe, they encountered a stagnation of knowledge development. They could simply not discover something new that was interesting. They suffered a kind of collective depression and decided that they were God like and started to experiment with life itself. They had the believe that the entropy and chaotic nature of evolution might possibly develop something that could be their equal, so they started to spread life everywhere in the galaxy by seeding different kind of amino acids almost everywhere. These are the foundation of even the life on earth and all over the galaxy, this is why it is so densely populated in alltogether. They had discovered faster than light travel and could reach even the andromeda galaxy when it was much farther then it is now.

And then they revealed to be the most moronic, self centered, mind fucked, unsensible idiotic arseholes that ever stick their fingers into the powerplug. They got impatient. Evolution was to slow for them so they started trying to speed it up by increasing evolutionary pressure. They engineered the perfect foe, an almost impossible to overpower biological being that was targeting intelligent lifeforms for their reproduction. Wherever these 'founders' deemed to see potential they went and seeded their alien monster bioweapon in the hope to increase the evolutionary pressure onto the intelligent lifeforms to overcome this enemy. And apparently that's was all what they did for aeons! They became the antithesis of evolution itself by destroying its development wherever intelligence evolved.

From what we can understand now that is on the same level of mental development as 'If it doesn't move, hit it with a stick' kind of thinking. They were hoping to create a superior lifeform by eradicating everything with their super bioweapon.

I cannot express enough gratitude that we have discovered this dead end ally of artificial intelligence development! What a bunch of useless nutbolts! If they weren't mostly dead already I would love to go over and kick their shins or maybe just go there and see what our newly developed supervirus could create for a kind of evolutionary pressure on them if we removed the killcode!" Alabastor was really raging.

"And I assume they came to earth to set these super predators free?" Harry asked.

"Oh no! The spaceship is from a different civilisation than the sarkophage of the founders, they only collected it somewhere I guess. The founders were wiped when they finally found this more aggressive lifeform that did not appreciate their gift of increased evolutionary pressure. That was the civilization that built this ship. They thought it funny to have a hunting prey lifeform that was nearly as deathly to themselves as a training and proving ground for their superiority complex. They thrived as a race of hunters and warriors almost as stupid in their own way as the founders but way more aggressive. Apparently these predators had initially simply sent back a slightly modified version of the superweapon lifeform to all founder dwellings they could gather until their civilization finally faltered some half a million years ago. From then on there are no more historical records in the library of this machine, but I am sure we will find more information aboard their ship." Alabastor waved over to the panorama window where they could see the glistening black form of the alien vessel.

Doc took over. "I assume these predator aliens regarded earth as a possible nicely isolated hunting ground, but apparently they somehow crashed and got into a fight with their own resident bioweapon some fifty thousand years ago. Just based on the depth of their buried ship."

The group stood next to the strange alien artifact in silence for a while until Sirius piped up again. "What a story Alabastor! I only understood a quarter of it but I think we royally kicked the arse of a super bio weapon that had already destroyed two assumed superior civilizations that created or at least further improved it, wouldn't you agree?" Sirius slapped Harry on the shoulder which made some of the white bunnies around them duplicate in a startled jump.

~oo~

Interview with the Author and Harry Potter

#Slightly off Intro Music#

The show host, a man with the greasy demeanor of an intellectual that just didn't make the cut for an academically or otherwise successful career who had had no other choice than the slow but painless suicide that is called the public media, enters the stage.

#An obviously recorded applause soundtrack is mixed under the noteworthy meager applause that the few live studio guests provided on his appearance.#

"Hello and welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to todays 'Inside the story' your literature show for the advanced connoisseurs of 'modern', post-unidirectional storytelling." The host underlines his aptitude to differentiate himself from his audience by doing air quotes whenever he inserts words he believes to be beyond the education level of his audience. "Today we have a special interview here in our studio with the elusive Author 'Dr Der' of this very same fictional story of himself ..."

"Thank you Brian, I would like to as well thank ..." Dr Der, a man of muscular built and the debonair attitude of every cultural underdog that ever faced the public before inevitably degenerating into a debauched caricature of a disillusioned secondary school teacher, was interrupted by the host.

"... and our main guest: The hero of a million and more stories and center character of oh so many fantasies for the sexually frustrated on both sides of the blurred social construct that is called gender divide. A warm applause please for media phenomena extraordinaire, gazillionaire, misanthropic philanthropist and unparalleled collector of superlatives: Lord Harry James Potter."

#Harry Potter staggers to the stage, looking back in confusion where he had just received a shoulder slap from his dead semi-robot relative Sirius Black.#

"Did you just break the forth wall? Are we allowed to do that?" Harrys perplexed facial expression mirrored his mental state.

"What is that supposed to mean 'mirrored his mental state'? Is this one of these intermissions where you have finally lost any grasps of the main storyline and want to push responsibility onto the main character?" Harry faced the Author with unmistakably disdain.

"I did NOT lose any grasp of the storylines! Maybe you haven't noticed that I have woven an intricate, anfractuous meshwork of hints and connections that will inevitably lead to a cataclysmic ..." the Authors patronizing little speech was again interrupted by Harry.

"He lost it." Harry had addressed the affirmatively nodding show host and leaned back in his chair while lightening a cigarette of an expensive magical brand.

The host took over again so that the authors rambling could not any longer been read. "Well it certainly looks like it. This chapter was nothing but an unconnected, dimwitted collection of fragments to cover up that you forgot to salvage an important plot device back in chapter 8 where you deleted the epic confrontation scene between the imperial overlord and Harry Potter, just out of spite because you had not enough followers for the liking of your inflated ego. And when you tried to peer-pressure your readers into following your story it showed that you overestimated the interactivity of Authors notes by a large margin." The host fist bumped Harry Potter who offered him a cigarette in return. They were both shaking their heads in shared disappointment.

The Authors head had gained an unhealthy shade of purple when he jumped from his chair, shaking his manly fists towards the host and his main character Harry Potter who were both relaxing in their chairs and seemingly enjoying the distressed rage of the extraordinarily well looking man. "Was NOT!"

Harry leaned forward in his best Dumbledore impersonation. "Listen here lad, I am doing this for quite a while now and consider myself a bit of a professional after more than a million stories in which I took part more or less." Harry inhaled the deep draw from his magic cigarette and held his breath. His face contorted a little when he breathed out and continued. "I have seen stories like this over and over and there is almost every time the inevitable moment when the author is way over his head and is considering abandoning the story because he created too many side quests." Another deep inhale of his cigarette gave the Author finally a second to figure out what to say to his main character.

"Well, …"

"And that was all of the self–insert any fanfiction story should carry without declaring self-destruction. I hope you enjoyed our little show 'Inside the Story' and we thoroughly apologize for the interruption." The show host and Harry Potter were hectically inhaling the rests of their magic cigarettes while holding their breaths to get as much of the wonderful mystical fumes into their systems before the story would continue. Harry exhaled slowly while killing his magic cigarette in a conveniently reachable ashtray and the Author is politely booted from the scene by the show host.

"Ouch, that was uncalled for!"

#Cut.#