Chapter 27:

Doubt

Junie sat in the living room of her family home in Sunderland with the lights off and the curtains still drawn. Her Muggle neighbours knew she was teaching at a boarding school in Scotland and kept an eye on the property for her. It wasn't necessary, the house was charmed to prevent any disaster, but she appreciated their effort. She knew, though, that if she opened the curtains and windows to let the fresh sea air in, they'd be over in a flash to talk with her.

Junie didn't feel like talking.

Her friends all knew about her mother's death and how it affected her. She'd taken nearly six weeks off work – the last two of her mother's life and then the four after her death – and even avoided her father. Her dad had accepted his wife's choice, disagreed with it, but he accepted it. Junie had railed against the 'stupidity' of her mother. When it was apparent the end was neigh, Junie asked for her mother's forgiveness and was given it; but the whole situation never felt closed.

Her mother's name was going on the cancer ward where she'd died.

Junie wasn't sure what to make of it. Part of her was wildly touched by the action. Sirius had dated Lady Sarah quite a few years ago; the Muggle tabloids were quite interested and frequently reported as did the wizarding papers. Junie didn't realize he'd stayed with the project long after his relationship with Sarah had ended. She couldn't figure out why? Why would he do this? Why would he do this when they weren't even a couple? Sirius had met Junie's mother, all her group of friends had. But it wasn't like he was close to mum like Lily and Marley. Why did he do this?

Why hadn't he told me?

Of all the questions swirling in Junie's head, this was the biggest one. The opening was only weeks away, literally days before their wedding; surely, he would have been aware. They shared a home, a bed; there had to have been a moment when they could stop and speak about this? They often lingered over the paper in the morning or when they cuddled in the sitting room of their bedroom suite after supper; why didn't he broach the subject at one of these times?

Anger bubbled inside her, and Junie released a frustrated huff.

Then the knocking started again. Junie rolled her eyes and sat still, hoping that Sirius would get the hint and leave her alone like the last time. She would go home when her emotions weren't swirling. They were now. She was afraid if she talked to him now, she'd say something she didn't mean to. The knocking continued.

"Juniper Elizabeth Meadows," Marley said from the other side of the kitchen door. She'd used a charm so that she sounded quiet from the outside, but in Junie's home, her voice was bombastic. "I can see you sitting there. Let Lils and me in, or I'm blowing the door off the hinges, and you can explain that to your neighbours." Junie huffed again and lifted her wand to unlock the rear door.

Junie didn't get up; it wasn't a social call she was welcoming her best friends. Instead, she wiped her eyes from the never-ending stream of tears she couldn't seem to control and put her wand back on the trunk she used as a coffee table. She wasn't surprised when Lily sat on one side, Marley on the other, and they both wrapped their arms around her. Their action caused Junie to weep harder.

Neither friend said much. They just held Junie as she cried. Lily traced circles on Junie's back while Marley made loving noises of comfort and calm. After about five minutes, Junie began to relax.

"Did he send you?" Junie asked, knowing her friends would recognize "he" as Sirius.

"It was James who asked me to come over, although I would have come anyway when I found out what happened?" Lily said.

"Me too," Marley added.

"James?" Junie asked.

"Yes, well, when you disappeared without a word, Rosie mirrored her dad. James collected Sirius and Flooed to Grimmauld. From there, we divided and conquered," Lily explained.

"Oh, I left Rosie there, and no one can Floo to Hogwarts except me," Junie explained. It was a safety measure since Sirius did see people at the house if it pertained to his personal business affairs.

"It's okay. Ginny was going to get her back to school."

"Thank goodness. I'm sorry for bothering you all." Junie sounded so small and crushed.

"Hey, that's what best friends are for," Marley reminded her. "Do you remember when Remus enraged me on our third anniversary because I thought he'd forgotten it? Who was it who came over and stopped me from throwing my dishes around the kitchen?" Junie sort of laughed at the memory.

"That was like stepping into combat training with the new DMLE trainees," Junie said quietly.

"True," Marley agreed. "I've always had a bit of a temper."

"Oh, you're not the tempestuous one," Lily said. "I think I have the market cornered on out-of-control temper situations."

"That's true," Marley remarked, "I concede." All three laughed then.

"So, you ready to talk about it yet?" Lily asked, "Or do you need a bit more time?" Junie thought about it for a few moments, her girlfriends not pushing her.

"I don't understand why he did it, and then since he did, why didn't he tell me? Everyone knows how difficult my mum's death was for me."

"Well, the why is quite interesting," Marley said. "You weren't ever exposed to his parents, not really. There was the passing nod on the train platform, or more likely a glare from them, but you weren't ever in their home," she began.

"After we started dating, Sirius was forced to come home for a Sunday dinner, some great-aunt or something was having a birthday, and all the Black kids were ordered home. Sirius asked me to come, mostly because he wanted someone to talk to since his cousin Andy had married Ted and they weren't welcomed. It was the end of our fifth year before the big blowout that sent him to James's family. I'm a pureblood but a blood-traitor, but my father was Undersecretary for the Minister of Magic at the time, so they let me in the house.

"Honestly, I've never met colder people in my life, Junie. Maybe because I was with him, or perhaps it was him growing up a bit, but he was on his best behaviour. There were a few snide remarks on his part, but his family gave as good as they got. When his grandfather brought up werewolf hunting, he just got up and left the room rather than yelling. I was impressed. Between dinner and afters is when things went horribly wrong.

"Reg had brought his girlfriend home too. He was dating Sophie Prewett, Molly's younger cousin. She was nice, sweet almost, and a Ravenclaw, rather than a Gryffindor." Marley made a funny face at the mention of her old house, and Junie smiled. Yes, the Black family would have been happier with a Ravenclaw daughter-in-law rather than a Gryffindor one. Junie had a passing thought about what they would say to a Hufflepuff?

"Anyway, Sophie, Reg, Sirius, and I were carrying on a mostly civil conversation about school. Some back and forth between the brothers about Quidditch, but it wasn't bad, and they were quiet about it. Orion saw his sons conversing, and he lost it. Junie, I have never heard such atrocious things said about another human being as I heard his father say to him. We fled the house and went back to school before Orion could curse us because he had his wand out, and I was sure that was where this was headed. I had Muggle money on me because my parents insisted on it when I was in London. We took the Underground to the Ministry where I contacted my dad, and he sent us by Floo back to Hogwarts."

"I know things were horrific between Sirius and his family; he's shared all of this with me. Why did my mother's death drive him to do something so…well, something so enormous?" Junie asked.

"Because you loved your mother, and he was touched by it," Lily said. "He saw how you struggled to get your mum healed, and then he watched you mourn. It was so different than what any of us had gone through when our parents died. Mine were killed in a car crash, a stupid avoidable crash. It was shocking, and it was hard after, but it wasn't like what you went through. He didn't want other Muggles to go through such an ordeal." Junie had begun crying again, wondering if, through her grief and pain, he had somehow found a way to mourn his own parents. The thought made her heart grip.

"I guess I see that, and I know that treatments are better than they were with Mum, but why that hospital?" Junie asked, wiping the warm streaks off her cheeks. "I hate that place."

"I don't think Sirius knew how much you hated it until you two got together," Marley said. "He only told me about it a few months ago. By then, you two were together, and he had the full story about your mum."

"So, if you knew a few months ago," Junie said, looking at her friend, "why didn't you warn me?" Marley threw her hands up in innocence.

"That was so not my thing to tell," she answered. "I told him to tell you immediately. Good to know Sirius takes advice from me as well as he always has."

"Did you know?" Junie asked Lily.

"James has known for years, but neither of us saw it as our place to get between the two of you since Sirius wanted it to be a secret. Then you two became a couple, and we were not getting involved then. Your relationship made you both happy, but it was precarious at the beginning."

"I'm not the one with the temper," Junie said in an even tone.

"No, you just get cold and freeze people out," Lily answered calmly. "Like walking away from the two young women who you were having tea with." Junie made a face of acquiescence and then rolled her eyes.

"I'm still frustrated he didn't tell me. This is something we should have discussed as adults before the invitation arrived."

"Absolutely true, and knowing Sirius, he'll be properly contrite," Lily said. Junie looked at her, surprised. "I know Sirius' personality flaws, and I didn't much appreciate him when we were in school, but it was a long time ago. The reality is he's a good man, he was an outstanding godfather to Harry, and he's a master statesman. That said, the man is afraid of upsetting a woman whether it was Rosie when she was three months old, and he couldn't find her dummy for her or when he broke up with the last of his girlfriends; he sent a letter to her."

"Ouch," Junie and Marley said in unison, which made the three friends laugh.

"I should go home," Junie said.

"Wait a bit longer," Lily said. "He's at our house with Remus and the boys. They're having a curry together."

"Probably watching a movie with car explosions too," Marley added. "They do the same thing when they get together."

"Boys," Lily said a bit disgustedly. "I say we have a chick-flick night with some pizza. What do you say?"

"Muggle pizza," Marley said. "Wizards cannot get it right."

"Sounds just about perfect," Junie said.