I really like diving into Street's mind after everything I had him go through in the first chapter. I hope you enjoy what I'm doing!
I hope you enjoy!
Warnings: Violence, Choking, Angst. Still in the process of writing so check here for new warnings as I go!
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A raspy breath escaped Street as he stumbled to a stop for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Clenching his eyes shut he pushed back the panic that tried to take over as the nausea and dizziness he had been fighting tried to pull him under. He wasn't that far from the house. He just had to make it a few more blocks.
When he had decided to give Duke a walk that morning he hadn't thought much about it. Going to the park with the dog was one of his favorite things to do when he had days off. It gave him time to enjoy the city and decompress from everything that had happened at work. Not to mention Duke loved it too. He should have realized that wasn't going to happen this time though.
With everything that had happened he had just wanted a little bit of normalcy. Anyway, it wasn't as if walking was hard to do and it was a fairly nice day. It made perfect sense to walk around for a little bit and try to get his head on straight.
At least that's what he had convinced himself of as Luca left the house to head into work. It would have been his plan under any other circumstance. He was at home with nothing to do so he was going to start the day with a nice walk. Nothing about what was happening with himself was normal though. Something that he was admitting to a little too late.
When he had left the house he had felt fine. Alright, so his chest was killing him and his head still ached and moving his neck in either direction sent a sharp pain through his entire body that made him want to scream, but he could handle all of it. It wasn't the first time he got hurt and it wouldn't be the last.
Now he could admit that he had been an idiot. He felt so shaky and weak as he reached his free hand out placing it on a tree hoping that he had enough strength to keep himself upright for a little while longer.
It was odd, but for as much as he hated being in the hospital he almost wished that Dr. Wells had decided to keep him a little while longer. If only so he could actually start feeling like he was in his own body again instead of trying to move whatever mess he was in at the moment.
In truth, when he had woken up yesterday morning he had been sure that he wasn't going to be released at all. At the time he had to hold back a groan at the very idea of spending even a few more hours there. He had wanted nothing more than to go home and move on with his life.
It wasn't as if there was really anything else that could be done. Even Dr. Wells admitted to that. The only thing that was left was waiting around for his body to heal and he could do that anywhere he wanted. He had practically jumped for joy at the chance of going home.
At the time it had seemed as if he had made the right choice. The idea of being at home, in his own bed, with his own food, was just too perfect to pass up. Anyway, it wasn't as if it was a secret that being at home was better for healing than being in the hospital. There had been many studies done that proved just that. And he had felt that. On the trip home from the hospital.
Luca had picked him up around eight in the evening after he had gone through even more tests and gotten some food in his stomach. Then all he had to do was fill out some paperwork and leave. He even had a few days before he had to go back for a checkup. It was a little embarrassing how excited he was by all of that.
The drive home had been exactly how they normally went when they drove together as well. Luca in the drivers seat trying his hardest to sing with whatever song popped up on the radio not caring if he knew the lyrics or not. As always it brought a smile to his lips.
He couldn't say how long the drive from the hospital to their place was but he knew that it was the best he had felt in the last few days. For a moment he was sure that things were going to get back on track for him. That being in a familiar place was the thing he needed to finally be able to get out of his own head.
Now that he thought about it he knew just how childish those thoughts were, but he had been hopeful. He just wanted things to be okay. To have the team stop looking at him like he was going to fall apart at any moment.
Then he said goodnight to Luca and went into his room to sleep for the night. Everything seemed to fall apart as the door closed. Not feeling the older mans eyes on him made him realize just how fake he was being.
So he figured that maybe he just needed to get a little sleep. Sure it was fairly early for him, but after everything that had happened and the fact that he hadn't been sleeping well he figured that he was allowed to go to bed whenever he wanted.
He should have known that it wasn't going to work out that well. He was slower than normal stripping out of his clothes and climbing into bed, but he knew that as soon as his head hit the pillow he was finally going to be able to catch up on sleep.
Then a minute passed. Five minutes. Half hour. Full hour. All too soon the sun was streaming into his bedroom and his head felt like it was filled with cotton. He was sure that he dozed off at some point, but he felt more tired than he had before.
In fact, he felt a lot worse than he had when he was in the hospital. Something that he was fully aware made no sense. Nothing about what he was feeling or thinking made any sense lately though. It was like a grab bag of emotions and none of them seemed to fit with what was actually happening.
That had been why he wanted to give Duke a walk. It was the easiest and most normal thing he could do at the moment. Except he was finding out the hard way that he couldn't in fact do it. He and Duke had barely gotten halfway to the park when he found himself having to turn back around.
"Don't look at me like that," Street muttered hating how Duke was staring up at him, "I just need a minute."
It was the first day that he was out of the hospital he wasn't going to let a walk send him back. There were only a few more blocks before he was home. He could do that. All he had to do was breathe a little, relax, and take one step at a time.
Beside him Duke let out a soft whimper his nose nudging against Street's hand drawing him out of his thoughts. With a shaky smile he nodded his head and pushed off the tree getting ready to start on his walk once more knowing there was nothing else he could do.
For the first time since Luca got the call to come in Street found himself wishing that things had gone differently. That his friend had stayed with him for a little while longer. Maybe he wouldn't feel as lost as he did.
Except Luca had a job to do and there was no chance that the man was going to pass up on that because of him. Hell, he would hate if any of the members of the team picked him over the job. That wasn't who they were or what they did.
A part of him couldn't believe how excited he had been when he heard Luca's truck pulling away. It was his chance to stop and think. For the world to fade away for just a moment. One small moment. That was all he had wanted or what he had though he had wanted.
Reaching up Street placed a hand on his chest wincing as he pressed a little too hard. It felt as if his heart was trying to escape and he had no control over it. Every step made it harder to breathe. At the same time though he knew he couldn't stop walking just yet.
Shaking his head slowly Street reached out leaning fully against a tree before slowly slipping down so he was sitting on the ground. Duke sat next to him his head resting on his lap as a whine came from him.
"I'm okay," he repeated letting his eyes fall shut, "I just need a minute. I'm okay."
Curling his hand in the dogs fur he leaned forward almost curling in on himself only to gasp painfully and sit back up practically hitting his head against the tree painfully. He didn't bother trying to fight back the tears that were filling his eyes. The pain raked through his entire body and for a moment he felt like he was back in the warehouse.
Panic filled him as he felt a hand wrap tightly around his throat cutting off his air. Reaching up he tried to grab a hold of it, but there was nothing there. The only fingers that were touching his neck were his own though they felt so disconnected.
A loud bark jerked him out of his thoughts before he could fall any further. Everything around him slowly started to filter back and the warehouse fell away. Covering his mouth with his hand Street forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could through his nose.
Around him everything looked so normal and familiar. He had walked there so many times before that he knew exactly where he was. There was nothing for him to be afraid of. Yet he felt like someone was standing right over him.
Not knowing what else to do Street practically scrambled to his feet and started home once more. His chest felt tight and his lungs were on fire but he couldn't stop. The only thing that mattered to him was getting some place safe and away from the eyes.
It wasn't long before he was throwing open the door to the house almost running inside. His hands moved on autopilot as he locked everything he could before falling onto the ground and crawling until his back hit a wall.
Everything around him felt like it was spinning and for a moment he could have sworn he heard a scarily familiar voice whispering into his ear, telling him to calm down. It sounded so close and so real.
Gasping loudly he slammed his head back against the wall almost reviling in the pain that echoed through him drowning out the voice. For a moment all he could hear was his blood rushing in his ears. Then a whimper came from beside him.
Slowly opening his eyes he turned his head and saw Duke staring at him looking more fearful than a dog had any right to. Reaching out he wrapped his arms around the dog burying his face into the fur as a sob escaped him.
"I'm sorry," he muttered pulling away his fingers gently scratching the dogs neck, "I'm sorry, Duke. I don't…"
Street let his sentence trail off as words failed him. He had no idea what had come over him. It was like he was back in the warehouse and everything in him just wanted to run away and never look back.
Looking back down he found Duke staring up his gaze unwavering before moving so his head was resting on his thigh. Reaching out Street placed his hand on the dogs head before resting his head on top of it. For a moment the two of them sat there as he attempted to regain control over himself.
"I feel like an idiot," Street sighed sitting up fully, "Nothing was wrong with me. I just needed to calm down. Instead I panicked."
Pulling his hands away he undid Duke's leash letting it fall to the floor. A soft laugh fell from him as the dog tried to move closer once more. Placing a quick kiss to the top of his head Street stood up and made his way over to the couch. As soon as he was sitting Duke was there curled up on his lap.
"Baylon," Street continued petting the dog gently, "I don't know what happened with him, but it was almost like he could see through me. Everything he said hit so close to home that it felt like I couldn't think. Everything about him threw me through a loop and now it feels like everything is off. That I'm wrong in some way I can't figure out. They can see it though. The team. Everyone is acting as if I'm about to fall apart or… It's like they don't see me anymore. I'm not sure I see me anymore. Or if Baylon…"
As much as he didn't want to admit it, even to himself, there were points in time when he could hear Baylon's voice. It was almost like he was standing right behind him trying to get him to listen to what he was saying. Almost like he did at the warehouse.
It had only happened a handful of times so far, but it terrified him every single one. The man was a murderer. He had tried to kill Street himself. He shouldn't hold any kind of power over him at all. Yet Street couldn't stop thinking about him.
"You know what I didn't understand?" he questioned watching as the room grew darker as clouds covered the sun, "I've been yelled at more times than I can count. Never has someone sounded peaceful when they were being violent. It was as if he was trying to lull me to sleep."
Blinking a few times Street looked back down at Duke and sighed. It felt nice to have someone paying attention to him after feeling as if he couldn't talk at all. It was something else to be able to speak without being worried about what he was saying.
If he stopped to think about it he knew that he had never felt that way. In his mind he always believed that he had to keep what he was thinking to himself. The last thing he needed was for someone to use his thoughts against him.
That was part of the reason why he hid his thoughts away sometimes. Even from himself. In his mind there was no point in trying to think about things that he knew he wasn't going to be able to face in any big way. There rarely came a point where he had to face them.
"I think… I think I was lulled a little," he admitted softly hating how shaky he sounded, "My training was yelling at me to fight, but I couldn't… It was… I cared about what he was saying. I didn't want to care. I told myself over and over not to care, but I did. I cared about what he thought about me. He was a murderer that was actively trying to kill me and I cared what he thought."
Even as he thought that though he knew that it wasn't the full truth. It wasn't just that he cared what was being said. It was him being confused by everything that was being said. Nothing that was said made any sense to him.
"Why did what he said matter?" Street asked softly, "Why do I care? I don't get it. I don't know why he's effecting me like this. No one has ever been able to get to me like this before. Especially not some random perp. I don't know why I can't forget him."
Forcing himself to take a deep breath Street slowly closed his eyes letting the image of Baylon appear in front of him once more. A shiver of fear ran down his spine as the man smiled calmly down at him as he dropped down to his knees. He looked so at peace. Like he was standing exactly where he was meant to be.
"And what is your name?" Baylon questioned his head cocking to the side slightly.
Without thinking Street opened his eyes forcing the image away. Having the mans voice in his head was too much. He couldn't let himself fall for giving Baylon more time in his head. Nothing good would come from that. All he could do was work with what happened in the warehouse that day.
He could remember very clearly the man continually asking him what his name was. It was as if he had tried to build a relationship with him. A trick that they were taught to use when they thought that someone could be pulled back from the edge.
"He wanted to talk to me," Street started looking down at Duke, "It was like he was trying to be my friend. To pull me to him. Is that what he did with James Keller? Is that how he was able to convince the man to join him? I have to find him. I have to know what Baylon was playing at. I need to know."