Jacob PoV

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I didn't even know who I meant. Me? Him? Or her?

I simply knew I had to let out the words or I would burst. Or turn, which would be even worse.

After I had left her, or better ran away from her, I went straight into the woods, as far from town and the reservation as I could get. I didn't turn. I didn't want the others to know what had happened or how I felt right now. I had to come to terms with everything myself before I was ready to share it with the pack.

Sometimes, being able to hear everything the others said and in turn letting them everything you said could be a real pain in the ass. Once you turned, you could kiss your privacy goodbye.

Only Sam was sometimes able to hide his feelings or his thoughts from us but how he did that was a mystery to us all. Right now, I would have killed for it.

I knew I should be on patrolling duty or at least check with Sam if he had some task for me to do, most hopefully kill a vampire or something, but I was too wound up.

When I had seen her standing at that cliff with that empty look on her face, my heart had almost stopped. Never had I turned so quickly, never had I ran faster. I got to her just in time. She already had one foot in the air and, knowing her, that would have been enough to make her tumble over the edge. I grabbed her the minute she let her body fall forwards and yanked her back hard enough to let us both fall onto the ground. She would maybe have some bruises tomorrow but this was way better than death by drowning.

My mind had been completely blank and my heart was racing double speed and for a moment my only thoughts were She could have died. She really, really could have died.

I knew her life had been at risk every day she was with the blood-suckers and after that me and the pack but it had never felt so real as it did in this second.

Then she had begun to struggle in my grasp and I let her go even though I didn't want to. My instincts were yelling at me to pull her up, hold her tightly against me and bring her to safety. But my mind had been rational enough to know that something like that would most probably drive her from me forever.

Rain had begun falling down on us and while I didn't care, she was soaked within minutes. I stared at her, one hand still clutching her shoulder. "Why did you do that?" I asked the first thing that came to my mind.

Bella had lowered her gaze; her arms wrapped tightly around her too thin, too pale body and didn't answer.

"Do you have a death wish? So could have died, do you realise that?" Realising I was practically yelling at her, I tried to lower my voice. Frustrated when she still didn't answer I ran a hand through my wet hair. "Come on." I sighed. "Let's get you home."

I brought her back to her truck and took the driver's seat. No way I was letting her drive in this condition. The wipers were slow and couldn't compete with the heavy rain now pouring down and I made a mental note to fix them. If she let me that was.

About halfway home she began to shiver so badly that I stretched out an arm. "It's warmer here." I was surprised when she took the offer, pressing her wet body close to mine, looking for the heat I provided. Never had I been happier that changing into a wolf also raised your body temperature significantly.

She had been quiet the rest of the way and I didn't want to be the one to talk first so we drove in silence. When I pulled up the driveway to her house, Bella didn't immediately got up and out, so I took the opportunity to pull her little closer to me and bury my nose in her wet hair. She had stiffened a little at this but soon relaxed.

"Oh, Bells... What are we going to do with you?" I sighed once more. "I know this... man... hurt you bad but suicide is never an option, you know?" By putting a hand under her chin I made her raise her head until I could see her in the eyes. There was such emptiness in them that it broke my heart.

"I didn't try to kill myself..." she murmured after a while. "I just tried to..." but she stopped. "Never mind..."

I wanted to ask her, wanted so desperately to know why she did it but then I didn't. Our faces were so close I could feel her breath hot on me. Our lips were merely inches apart and as its own free will my head moved closer and closer...

Somewhere in the distance a branch snapped. The noise made the bubble burst. Bella's body stiffened and she drew back. This time, I let her go.

I went out of the truck the same time she did and watched her as she darted towards the door, not looking back. Her clothes, although not really wet anymore, still clang tight to her body, making her shiver again. My whole body ached to join her, to embrace her, to share my heat with her until she no longer was cold, but something was holding me back. "You should go inside before you catch a cold." I called instead, careful not to let my emotions shine through. She nodded but didn't turn to look at me.

Sadness pierced my heart, like a million of little daggers stabbing at it all at once. Suddenly I couldn't breathe and did the first thing I thought of. I phased and ran.