Bella PoV

I woke the next day with the sun shining directly into my face. Still half asleep my first thoughts were I won't be able to see Edward today with all that sun

But then reality kicked in and woke me fully. Confusion clouded my mind as it tried to make sense of everything. What was I doing wearing only a T-Shirt and baggy pants in my bed sun fully shining?

I couldn't hear any sounds from downstairs, so either Charlie was still asleep or had already left. But left where?

A quick look at my alarm clock showed me that it was nearly ten on a Sunday, so Charlie was most probably out fishing with one of his buddies. Grumbling from my stomach told me that I hadn't eaten since yesterday noon and so I decided to leave the comfort of my bed and make myself some breakfast.

My hair had been wet when I had gone to bed yesterday, so naturally it stood up to all sides today and my only option was to tie it to a ponytail. Add this to my non-attractiveness I sighed internally. But who was there to impress anyway? Edward had left me and other than him there was nobody.

There is Jacob

I ignored the small voice in the back of my head and looked into the fridge. Not much but living with Renee had taught me to make something out of nothing.

Maybe pancakes. I decided that extreme situations needed extreme measures and so I took out all the ingredients.

The first pancakes were sizzling in the pan when a knock on the door made me look up. Visitors? On a Sunday morning? Charlie had left as a scribbled note on the table that he was out and nobody ever came to visit me all of a sudden.

Turning down the heat so that the pancakes wouldn't burn I went to the door and opened it.

Outside stood a very tired-looking Jacob. His hair was all standing sideways, and deep circles stood out from under his eyes. He looked like hell and my first instinct was to go forward and hug him tightly. Instantly his body stiffened, and I frowned, taking one step back. "Is everything alright? Has something happened in the reservation? Is it Victoria?"

But Jacob merely shook his head. He didn't even raise his head enough so I could look him in the eyes. "Can I come in?" God, even his voice sounded tired and defeated.

"Of course, you can." I shut the door behind him and pointed to the kitchen. "I was just making breakfast. Do you want something?"

If I knew something about werewolves by now it was their constant hunger. They devoured everything in sight, and I had a huge load of respect for Emily being able to feed all of them. So, it came as a huge surprise when Jacob only shrugged and answered. "Yeah, why not."

Ok, now I knew something really bad must have happened. Worry rose up in me and I was barely able to continue in the kitchen, watching over my pancakes. I couldn't keep my eyes from Jacob who had fallen down on the couch, eyes closed, a hand hanging over his face.

I mentally cursed the pancakes for taking so long to finish and was just about to throw the pan into the trash when Jacob sighed heavily and sat up. He looked towards me and his dark eyes captured mine, not letting them go. He still looked terrible but the lines in his face had softened a little and the shades were not so visible anymore.

"Do you want something to drink? I'm afraid we don't have much, but I could make some coffee or juice."

"I'll take whatever you have."

I put down the spatula. "Jake, really, I'm worrying sick over here. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Let's eat first, alright? I promise you, nobody's hurt or died nor did we see any sign of that red-haired bloodsucker. Just eat something. It smells delicious by the way." He grinned and for one small moment the old Jacob, the Jacob he had been before he had transformed for the first time, remerged. But just as quick his smile faded and instead came out the older Jacob, the Jacob who had seen too much of this world and knew all the terrors it might bring.

I fixed two plates and handed them to Jacob who put them on the table. Taking out the can with the orange juice and two glasses, I made my way over. I had already put the maple syrup and the sugar on the table beforehand, so I only had to get back once to get two knives and forks.

I eyed Jacob carefully over the meal. He all the pancakes on his plate and then half of mine because I discovered I was not really hungry after all. Worry had my stomach turned into a tight knot and other than a few sips of juice I couldn't get anything down.

"You know, you are too thin already. Nipping only juice won't help with that." Jacob playfully scolded me while he was eating my pancakes. I managed a weak smile in return, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes. Questions burned on my tongue, worry filled my every cell, but I held back until he had taken his last bite and had drunk all of his juice.

For a few minutes I hoped Jacob would speak up first, but he only played with his fork and didn't look up from the table.

"Jake?" I began softly, taking his big hand in mine as best as I could. "What is it?"

At my words, his head turned a little. He watched me from the corner of his eyes but still couldn't see me straight in the face. Anger began to rise in me. "Jacob, you have to tell me what happened. You can't come to my house, looking like you spent the night running around in the woods, making me worry sick and then not even care to explain. You said we should eat first and so we did. But now I think I deserve an explanation."

"I know, I know..." I had never seen him so weak, so utterly defeated, and so insecure and it scared the hell out of me. I had seen him fooling around with his friends, laughing while I tried to "help" him fix the bikes and even a bit thoughtful when he told me about the Quileute legends. The Jacob I knew was strong and bright like the sun but this here... My first reaction was to put one hand on his thigh, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Jake, you know you can tell me everything. Talk to me, I'm begging you."

He looked at my hand on his leg, so small and pale against his copper skin as if he saw it for the first time. When he raised his hand to place it over mine, he did so almost reluctantly like he was afraid of hurting me. "Bella, about yesterday..."

Before he could speak any further, I quickly interrupted him. "Yes, I know what I did was stupid. But you have to believe me that I really didn't want to kill myself. I just wanted... to try something."

"What did you want to try?" he asked softly, his eyes still on our joined hands.

I hesitated. I didn't want to tell him about my visions of Edward every time I had an adrenaline rush. He didn't deserve hearing about my heartbreak again after so many months of listening to it so patiently. It wouldn't be fair. "I don't know... Something." This answer was being lame and so it was no wonder he merely snorted. "Yeah, I understand. Like how it would be to drown? Or getting your head crushed down on the rocks?"

"Jacob, I know what I did was reckless and stupid, and it wouldn't be fair to Charlie if I got myself hurt..." I knew my answer was wrong the minute I felt his body stiffen underneath my hand. Jacob stood up abruptly and began pacing around, driving his big hand through his already messy hair. "Fair? To Charlie? What about me? I thought we were friends and friends talk to each other because they trust each other. I would give my life for you Bella, but you don't even trust me enough to tell me why you wanted to go cliff diving in the middle of the night!"

"First, I didn't want to go cliff diving. Second, it wasn't the middle of the night. It was barely evening. And third, we are friends and I do trust you." I shouted back, matching the tone of his voice. I was feeling too vulnerable sitting on the chair while he towered above me, so I stood up, arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Then why don't you tell me why tried to kill yourself?" He shouted back, standing right in front of me. His whole body shook uncontrollably and for a second, I thought he might actually phase. But even then, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He would never hurt me, not Jacob.

I sighed. "It's because I see him, okay? Every time I do something stupid or reckless, I see him telling me to stop. It's the only way I can see him and I hate myself for doing all these things just to see someone who left me in the middle of the woods and didn't even care if I got home safely."

"So, that's why you came to me with the motorcycles? You wanted to see him and thought this was the only option?"

"Yes... But I also wanted to spend time with you. If it hadn't been the motorcycles, I would have found something else to do with you." I tried to calm the situation, but he was too wound up, too wrapped up in his anger to see clearly. "Yeah, as if. You still love him Bella, after all this time, after all he did to you; you still love him enough to throw yourself down a cliff. You risk your own death just for a fleeting image. Don't you see how sick this is? He left you Bella and instead of moving on you hang to the past ignoring everything else. Someday one of your stupid actions will get you killed, and he won't even care!" He shook even more violently now, and I found, despite my will, myself taking one small step back. Jacob looked at me as if I had pierced his heart with a dagger. Then he turned and fled the house, the door slamming shut behind him.