Bella PoV

At first, I didn't know where I was. All I could see were machines, beeping and showing numbers I didn't understand. I looked around wildly for something to hold on, something familiar.

Then his face appeared, his beautiful face, full of worry. His dark eyes searched my face, his hands were touching my forehead, my hair, my arms. More tears came out of the corners of my eyes, tears of relief.

"You are not dead", I whispered. For a moment he seemed confused. "Dead? Why would I be dead?"

"I saw you… Fighting… You were so brave, but he was so strong… So much blood." I shivered and closed my eyes. Lately my nightmares had always been the same. Edward and Jacob fighting while I was doomed to watch. And each time Edward won. Each time I woke up screaming Jake's name, screaming for him to get up, to come back to me, to not leave me.

"Bells, whatever it was, it was only a dream. I am fine and so are you. The doctors have given you some meds and you'll be alright again", he answered in a soft voice. When he bent forward to place a light kiss on my cool lips, something in me tried to speak up. Alarm bells were ringing, and I knew there was something I had to tell him but right now my mind was too foggy to remember.

His face changed from worried to serious as he asked: "Bells, do you remember what happened?"

"Yes… I was… in the forest. I tried to go back but… I didn't know the way. It was so cold."

"It's alright now. You are safe. We'll talk later." His strong hands cupped my face and he kissed me again, a bit harder this time but still so very soft. "Do you want me to call the doctor? To give you something to help you sleep?"

I shook my head, already halfway back to sleep. I heard something moving and then I was covered with a warm blanket. I fell asleep to his gentle strokes on my hair and on my face.

The next time I woke up, rain was pouring down outside and battered against the window. On my side some machine beeped and another one flashed a green light.

My upper body felt sticky from sweat and way too warm. I figured it must have been the fever again roaring through my body when I felt something heavy pressed against me. I lifted my head up a little and saw a mass of black hair lying on the side on the bed. The hair belonged to a massive body which was, for once, covered with a long-sleeved shirt and a short jeans. He even wore shoes as far as I could see.

He slept, his quiet snoring competing with the constant beeps of the machine. I did my best to lay as still as possible as I let my brain wake up and recall everything that had happened the previous day.

I remembered leaving the house and wandering into the woods, too lost in thoughts to pay any attention to where I was going. I had been lost and couldn't find my way out again. I remembered sitting on that rock, waiting for someone to find me. It had been so dark and cold and lonely.

Then I remembered the true reasons why I had left the house and gone into the woods. They seemed so trivial at first compared to what had happened afterwards but even now they wouldn't go away completely.

By instinct I knew it had been Jacob who had found me, rescued me as he had countless times before. He had given me so much already and in return didn't get anything back but a constant whining for a past that had nearly killed me.

I still wasn't sure of my feelings towards him and afraid that I had only been kissing him because he had been available, and I wanted to finally kiss someone with all the passion I had been feeling for such a long time.

My gloomy thoughts were interrupted when Jake began to stir at my side. His face, when he lifted it, was flushed from sleep and his eyes looked around in confusion but they lit up as soon as he saw me. "Bella", he breathed, a wide smile of relief on his lips. "You are awake."

"Seems so", I replied in a weak voice. His hug was tight and hard and drew all the breath out of my lungs. He buried his face at my neck and took several deep breaths. "I've been so worried," he whispered. I wanted to answer, to calm him but without any air in my lungs it was hard to form any words. I patted him on the back before I tugged at his arms, trying to make him understand he was choking me.

He instantly released me. "I'm sorry." A huge smile was plastered across his face. "I am just so happy to see you awake and well. Please Bells, never worry me again like this, alright?"

I sighed and lowered my face. All I could do was harm the people around me. Made them worry for nothing. Jacob, Charlie... Where was he anyways? Shouldn't he be here too? "Where is Charlie?"

His expression darkened a little and he took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Please, don't try to freak out now, okay? He had a little accident with his car but he's fine. Just a little head wound but the doctors are already releasing him today. He's right next door."

Don't try to freak out? My dad had been in an accident and Jake wanted me not to freak out?

Jacob seemed to sense my distress because he continued. "Really, he's fine. It's nothing serious, not even a scar the doctors said. He'll come over as soon as he wakes up, I'm sure."

"How could this have happened? He was home at noon. Was he visiting your dad?"

When Jacob began to bite his lip, I knew something was wrong. He was holding something back, but I was having none of that. Not now, not with all the guilt building up inside me. "Jacob?" I made my voice sound serious. I wanted answers and I wanted them now.

The answer came with a huge sigh. Not once did his eyes left my face and his hands held me even tighter. "We believe he was out looking for you when he somehow got off the road and collided with a tree."

My eyes grew wide and I felt like I had been hit with a sledgehammer. A wave of guilt swept over me and threatened to pull me under. "He was... looking for me?" It was as if someone else was forming these words. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be true. How could this be true? Was I cursed to only bring harm to the people I cared about?

"Bells, it's alright. You are both fine and that's the only thing that matters." His voice was soft, and he raised my hand to place a light kiss on its back.

I let it happen but only because I was too weak to resist. My body had gone numb, but my mind was working at double speed. "Alright? How can any of this be alright? My own father is hurt because of me, because I had been stupid enough to go into the woods on my own, because I didn't pay attention to where I was going, because I was not strong enough to find my way back." My voice raised with each word I said and the monitor at my side began to beep faster.

"Bells, you have to calm down, please. It's helping no one if you freak out like this." When he tried to grab my shoulders, I drew back, holding the blanket in front of my body like a shield.

He frowned. "Bells, what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?"

"Everything, Jake. Everything is wrong. The only thing I can do is hurt the people I care about. Charlie is in the hospital because of me! You had to rescue me again because I had been so stupid. You know why I had been in the woods?" Alarm bells were ringing inside my head, telling me that I didn't think clearly, that I would regret everything I said now but the guilt was too strong.

"Bella, please. Don't do this. Calm down and we'll talk about everything later." He was sitting on my bed, reaching out for me but I backed up again until I was seated against the wall, the farthest away from him as possible. "Because I had to get away from everything. I had to think, and my room was too small for that."

He frowned. "What do you mean, everything?"

"I mean everything. You and me and everything. Jacob, don't you see it? You are so sweet and brave and strong, and I am nothing. You kiss me, tell me you love me, protect me, rescue me, hold me so I wouldn't fall apart completely and what do I do? I feel like I am using you, depending on you because I am not enough. I don't know if I love you the same way you love me or if I merely continue using you. I need you Jake. The time when we didn't see each other was the hardest of my whole life. And I am so afraid that I just have kissed you to keep you at my side. I don't want to lose you." The machine still beeped loudly as my breath came in short, uneven gasps. I felt tears forming in my eyes and my hands were clenched to fists. I tried to read his face, tried to see what he was thinking, but he did the one thing I had been most afraid of. He looked away. He stood up and left the room without even once turning back or saying a word.

He left me and this time it was my own fault.

Because I was not enough.