This is a one shot I wrote for Sabi's birthday. Her prompt was "Chuck's anxieties and feelings about becoming a father". I hope I did it justice. Enjoy and as always nothing belongs to me.
SIX WEEKS
It was three forty-seven in the morning and Chuck Bass couldn't sleep. He was staring at the ceiling of the bedroom he shared with his wife of two years. They had been in bed since eleven. They had had a wonderful night out; dinner at The London followed by the ballet. He enjoyed these nights when it was just the two of them. He loved having her all to himself. They had made love when they got home and afterwards she had propped herself up on her elbows and with her eyes sparkling said she had something to tell him. He pushed a stray curl back behind her ear and she had leaned forward kissing him gently and then whispering softly against his lips that she was pregnant.
His initial reaction was pure and unadulterated joy. They had been trying since September and here it was only three months later and she was six weeks pregnant. She had just confirmed it that afternoon at her doctor's appointment. She had decided to wait to tell him until they were home and alone. He had immediately wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. He thanked her for giving him the greatest gift she could.
They made love a second time and Blair drifted off to sleep almost immediately after. That had been three hours ago. In those three hours Chuck had gone from complete joy to absolute panic. The reality that they had created a child together was literally paralyzing him with fear.
He had no business bringing a child into this world. He was going to be an awful father. Look at his father. Bart taught him very little in life and he most certainly hadn't taught him how to be a good parent. What had he been thinking?
He glanced over at his sleeping wife. She looked so peaceful and content. She would be an amazing mother of that he was sure. Blair Waldorf Bass never did anything by halves. She would throw herself into it and succeed fantastically well.
He sighed as he placed an arm across his face. She should get out while she could. He would be her undoing.
He felt her small hand on his chest and the shift in the bed. He removed his arm and looked down into her gorgeous face. Her eyes were half open as she played with the buttons of his pajamas.
She slid her body across the small distance between them and laid her head on his chest. Her arm slipped around his waist and she squeezed gently.
"Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine."
He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. Leave it to her to know exactly what he was thinking and how he was feeling.
"I don't want to hurt him."
She lifted her head looking into his eyes confused. "What in the world are you talking about? How could you ever be anything but loving and nurturing to this baby?"
"I don't know how to love a child."
She leaned up and kissed him gently. "Yes you do. You love me so completely and so perfectly. How could you not do the same with our child?"
She smiled at him and he tightened his hold on her. "You always see the best in me even when I don't see it in myself. How do you do that?"
"It's easy because I love you and I know you." She stretched her hand up cupping his cheek. "Chuck I wouldn't be having a child with you if I thought for one second you weren't the perfect man to be a father to my children."
He pulled her up so he could kiss her. She was always able to put his fears and anxieties to rest. He would be nothing without her.
He suddenly stopped kissing her. Blair's eyes fluttered open looking down at him. He smirked at her. "Did you just say children?"
Blair rolled her eyes. "I was making a point."
He rolled her onto her back and shook his head. "No I think you're finally coming around to my point of view." When they had begun to discuss starting a family Chuck had made it clear that he would love a big one. He didn't want his child to be a lonely child. Blair had said one and maybe they could discuss a second at a later date. She had to wait and see how she felt.
He kissed her and she rolled onto her side. He reached over turning off the lamp and curved against her back pulling her flush against him. He fell asleep almost immediately.
14 WEEKS
Chuck and Blair had spent the last eight weeks keeping their secret all to themselves. Chuck wanted to share the information with everyone the very next day but Blair was adamant about waiting until she was safely through her first trimester. Plus she knew the minute they told everyone there would be complete chaos. She was especially concerned about her mother taking over and planning their child's life out for the next ten years. Besides she liked sharing this secret with him and Chuck was always willing to indulge her completely.
So now that she was safely into her second trimester they planned a dinner and invited all of their loved ones. Cyrus and Eleanor were in town for one reason or another so Blair had used that as an excuse to gather everyone together.
They had just finished a fantastic dinner. The conversation had flowed and everyone was relaxed and in a great mood. They had all moved to the formal living room where Nate and Chuck poured after dinner drinks for everyone.
Chuck had handed the last drink to Cyrus and glanced at Blair. She nodded smiling at him. She was glowing and Chuck thought to himself that she had never looked more beautiful than right at that moment.
He crossed over to where she was sitting in one of the chairs. He leaned over and kissed her gently.
"I love you," he whispered softly against her lips.
She reached up and touched his cheek. "Me too."
Chuck stood up resting a hand on the back of her chair. Suddenly he felt nervous. Once they told everyone it would no longer be just the two of them sharing something. Their child would suddenly belong to everyone.
He glanced around the room at their family. Suddenly he was filled with a sense of relief. No matter what happened, his child would always have these people in his life. These were the grandparents, aunts and uncles of their baby. Chuck never had any of this. Other than the occasional visit from Jack it had been his father and him and that was it. He realized his baby was already so much better off.
Blair looked up at him touching his arm and he was brought out of his reverie. Clearing his throat he got everyone's attention. All eyes were on him.
"In addition to celebrating the arrival of my wonderful in-laws," he nodded towards Eleanor and Cyrus, "Blair and I wanted to share some news with you all. So we decided that tonight was the perfect opportunity." He scanned the room catching Lily's gaze. She had tears in her eyes and he had a feeling she already knew what he was going to say. "Blair is pregnant. We're having a baby."
Everyone immediately reacted. Serena jumped up from her seat on the couch and rushed to her best friend hugging her tightly. Jack and Nate came over to Chuck shaking his hand and patting him on the back. Eleanor was beside herself. Chuck could honestly say he had never seen his mother-in-law look happier.
The next thirty minutes everyone gushed and asked questions. Eleanor was running through a list of things she and Blair would have to do. She also told Cyrus that there was no way she could return to France now. They would wait until after Blair gave birth. The look of horror on Blair's face almost made Chuck laugh but he held it in and insisted that Eleanor and Cyrus return to France as planned. He reminded her that the best layette and furniture would be found in Paris and they would need her there to oversee those purchases and she could return stateside once the due date was closer. Eleanor seemed to accept this and Blair whispered a thank you to him.
Chuck removed himself from the group and headed back to the bar pouring himself a glass of scotch. He felt a hand at his back and he turned around to face Lily.
She smiled at him. "I'm so happy for you Charles." She leaned up placing a kiss to his cheek.
"Thank you Lily." He took a sip of his drink.
She reached her hand out resting it on his forearm and squeezing. "This baby is so lucky to have you and Blair for parents."
Chuck nodded. "Blair yes but me I'm not so sure about."
Lily took a step closer looking at him intently. "Charles I have no doubt that you are going to be an exceptional father. You take care of the people you love so well. I know you didn't have the best role model growing up but I think that's what has made you such an incredible husband and what will make you a fantastic father. You know all the things that make for a horrible husband and parent and you have chosen to do the exact opposite. This baby will be beyond loved and so lucky to have you as its father."
Chuck closed his eyes for a second fighting back the prickle of tears. He reopened them and leaned forward kissing her on the cheek. "Thank you for that."
She squeezed his arm once more. "You're welcome. I love you Charles. I am so proud to have you for a son and I cannot wait to be a Grandmother."
Chuck smiled. "I have a feeling between you and Eleanor, Blair and I may never see the baby."
Lily laughed lightly. "That could be a problem."
Blair joined them then wrapping an arm around Chuck's waist. He pulled her to himself kissing the top of her head.
He glanced around the room again and realized just how loved their baby was already and he wasn't even born yet. This was the family he had always wanted and he owed it all to Blair. For the first time since she had told him she was pregnant Chuck felt peace. Lily was right he did know how to be a loving parent and with Blair by his side he could do anything.
18 WEEKS
Chuck and Blair were in the limo en route to her doctor's appointment. Today was the day that they would do the ultrasound and hopefully they would be able to tell the sex of the baby. Chuck didn't care if it were a boy or a girl. He just wanted a healthy baby and Blair to be well.
He was staring out the window as Blair completed a call. She was swamped with the fall collection and the following spring designs. Chuck had expressed to her his concern about her working so much but she had waved him off explaining that she had never felt better. The doctor had explained that this was the joys of the second trimester. Her sex drive was off the charts as well and Chuck was enjoying the benefits of that in spades.
She ended her call and reached out sliding her arm through his and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Are you excited? We're finally going to see the baby." Her voice was full of excitement.
He turned to look at her. "I can't wait."
She smiled at him as the car pulled up to the curb of the doctor's building. They exited the limo and took the elevator up to the office. The nurse escorted them to a room immediately so they didn't have to wait in the waiting room.
The doctor entered a couple of minutes later and preformed the routine exam.
"Blair everything looks great. Do either of you have any questions or concerns?" He glanced from Blair to Chuck.
Chuck nodded. "I'm worried about Blair's work schedule. It's very hectic."
Blair interrupted. "It's fine. I'm not going to break from sitting in a few meetings and answering a few emails."
The doctor held up a hand. "Work is fine Mr. Bass. Many women work up to their due dates. As long as you take care of yourself Blair with proper meals and sleep there is nothing to worry about."
Blair gave Chuck a look that said I told you so. He rolled his eyes.
"Is there anything else?" They both shook their heads. "Okay then. Are you ready to see your baby?"
Blair smiled and glanced at Chuck. He returned her smile and nodded to the doctor. "We are beyond ready."
The nurse wheeled over the equipment and helped adjust Blair's blouse tucking tissue paper into the waistband of her skirt to protect the fabric. The doctor squeezed the gel onto her abdomen and Blair flinched from the coldness.
Chuck reached out and took her hand into his as they both stared at the screen. The doctor using the wand began to move it along Blair's stomach and suddenly there on the screen was their baby. Blair's eyes immediately filled with tears. Chuck leaned forward and kissed her temple lightly.
"It's our baby," he whispered against her ear before kissing it.
Blair nodded and wiped at her eyes. The doctor rattled off some stats to the nurse so she could input them into Blair's chart. "Everything looks fantastic Blair. Your baby appears healthy and thriving. I believe the due date of August 14th is accurate. Now would you like to know the sex?"
Blair answered without hesitation. "Yes please."
"You have a healthy baby boy." He smiled at Chuck and Blair.
Chuck released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He felt tears in his eyes as he stared at his son. His son; how foreign that sounded in his head. They were having a boy. Up until that moment Chuck hadn't known how badly he wanted a son of his own. A boy to love and treasure the way he had never been.
Blair reached a hand out and tentatively touched the screen. "He's perfect." Tears were sliding down her cheeks.
Chuck squeezed the hand he was still holding. "Of course he is. He's a Bass." He glanced at the doctor. "It's definitely a boy."
The doctor pointed to the screen. "The penis doesn't lie Mr. Bass. It is most definitely a boy."
Blair reluctantly tore her eyes from the picture of their son and looked up at her husband. "Are you happy?"
He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye as he leaned down and kissed her. "You have no idea. Thank you." He kissed her again.
The doctor finished and turned off the screen as the nurse wiped Blair clean and rearranged her clothes for her.
They left the office hand in hand with fifteen copies of the ultrasound in Blair's handbag. She wanted to make sure everyone who mattered had a copy of their son's first photo.
They approached the limo where Arthur was holding the door open for them. Blair thanked him and slid in.
Chuck smiled at his trusted driver. "We're having a boy, Arthur."
Arthur reached out and shook Chuck's hand. "Congratulations Mr. Bass. That's wonderful news."
Chuck slid in next to Blair and Arthur leaned in before shutting the door. "I'm so happy for you both."
They both smiled at him as Chuck wrapped his arm around Blair. Arthur shut the door. Chuck squeezed Blair a bit tighter and kissed her.
Later that night Chuck was in his office. He had just finished a conference call with the Hong Kong office and he was exhausted. He reached into his briefcase to remove some files he was going to look over when his hand brushed against something else. He pulled out the copy of the ultrasound he had slid in there before heading back to the office earlier this afternoon.
He stared at the clear image of his son. He reached out with one finger and traced the outline of his perfectly shaped head. He felt his heart constrict with so much love that he thought it might explode. How could any man not love his own child? His father's cold and disapproving image came into Chuck's mind and he shook it away.
"Come to bed."
He looked up to see Blair standing in the doorway wrapped in her robe. He wiped his hand over his face taking a deep breath and stood up. He leaned the picture of his son against their only wedding photo. They were a family already and he was so happy. Happier than he ever thought he could be.
25 WEEKS
Chuck woke slowly and as he came to his senses he became very aware of his wife's mouth wrapped around his very hard cock. Without opening his eyes he reached down and tangled his fingers into the hair at the back of her head. She didn't miss a beat and he smiled to himself. She really was amazing in every way. She truly had the most talented mouth.
When he finally came she swallowed every drop and kissed her way up her husband's chest and covered his mouth with hers.
She smiled down at him. "Good morning." She laid her head on his chest with her now protruding stomach resting against his side. She was all baby. If you saw her from behind you couldn't even tell she was pregnant.
Chuck squeezed her tightly. "I don't want to leave today."
She played with the hair on his chest. "Let's stay."
They had been staying on a private island in the Maldives for the past two weeks. It was the same island they had spent part of their honeymoon trip at. The past fourteen days had been paradise. The only people they saw were the chef, housekeeper and masseuse, who arrived daily by boat to give Blair her pregnancy massages. They were rarely fully dressed and spent their afternoons napping, sunbathing and swimming in the nude.
The thought of returning to the real world was depressing.
He lifted her hand placing a kiss to the inside of her wrist. "I could just give Jack control of Bass Industries and Eleanor can resume her position at Waldorf Designs and you and I can live out the rest of our days here."
She brought their entwined hands down against her bulging stomach. "You, me and him." She closed her eyes taking a deep breath.
It was then that it hit Chuck. Soon they would no longer be Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. In fifteen short weeks it would be Chuck, Blair and baby. He was suddenly filled with a fierce sense of possessiveness. She was his Blair. He didn't want to share her with anyone else. And if he knew his wife, which he did, their son would be the center of her universe. Where would that leave him?
A ripple across her stomach brought him out of his melancholy thoughts. He had been feeling the baby move for the past couple of weeks and it made the whole thing so much more real.
Blair opened her eyes beaming. "He seems to be in agreement."
Chuck rolled onto his side and she rested her head on his outstretched arm. "I'm scared," he whispered.
She gave him a look of confusion. "And what may I ask is the great and powerful Chuck Bass afraid of?"
He reached up with his free hand and touched her cheek. "Of losing you."
Blair rolled her eyes and laughed softly. "And where do you think I'm going to go? Twenty-five weeks pregnant and hopelessly in love with you."
"Promise me when our son arrives you won't forget me completely. He's going to be hard to compete with." He felt like a petulant child but they agreed to share their fears with each other and to always be honest.
She lifted her head and kissed him gently and reassuringly. "Chuck Bass, you and our son are the most important things in my life but children grow up and move on creating lives of their own. You are the one who will be sitting by my side when we're old and not so grey." She smiled at him indulgently. "The baby is going to need me more than you but you are my husband and without you I'm nothing."
He nodded pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply. They had time to make love before leaving and returning home. This was probably the last time they would be completely alone for a very long time and he wasn't willing to relinquish it quite yet.
36 WEEKS
"You have got to be kidding me?" Blair was standing there, hands on her hips shaking her head. "Absolutely not."
They were discussing names for their son and Chuck had just thrown Henry into the ring. "Blair…"
She cut him off. "If we name him Henry I will think of your French whore every time I look at him. What are you thinking? No."
Chuck stood up sighing. "That's not fair. The name represents everything good in my life. It represents a time when I wanted to be a better man, a better person for you." He approached her tentatively. Lately the pregnancy had taken a toll on her and she was irritable and combative.
He reached out taking her hands from her hips and into his own. "It's a name that means a lot to me."
He had been doing a lot of thinking in the past week or so about what that period in his life was all about and it was truly about being ready for this moment. Being ready to be a loving, supportive husband and father. The changes he made and the work he had done to get here was all worth it and he felt he owed this homage to that man he had decided to be.
He didn't want to upset her but yet he felt strongly about this. "Blair you don't realize how set I am on this. It would mean everything to me if you could understand it."
She sighed closing her eyes. She licked her lips. "I love you Chuck but there is no way in hell I'm naming my son the name you chose when you were running away from me." She pulled her hands from his grasp. "Excuse me I need to use the bathroom."
Chuck watched her as she rushed out of the room. He should probably go after her but he didn't want to fight anymore and he knew if they continued one of them would say something that would unintentionally hurt the other.
He walked over to the buffet and poured himself a healthy amount of scotch. He drained the glass and poured another.
"She's hormonal and scared Charles. She'll come around."
He turned shocked to see his mother-in-law standing there. He had thought she had gone upstairs to take a nap. "What Blair wants, Blair usually gets." He gestured towards the bar. "Can I get you a drink?"
She nodded. "I'll have what you're having."
Chuck set his glass aside pouring a drink for her and handing her the glass. "This feels eerily familiar."
Eleanor smiled as she sat down on the couch. Chuck joined her sitting across from her.
"I'm sorry for eavesdropping. I was coming down for a glass of water and couldn't help but hear." She took a sip of her drink.
"We don't have any secrets in this house especially from you Eleanor." He tipped his glass slightly towards her before taking a sip as well.
Eleanor nodded. "My daughter can be extremely headstrong but I have found that with enough discussion and time she can see the other side."
Chuck laughed softly. "That may work for you but I learned long ago that Blair Waldorf does not bend."
"A father should be able to name his son." She took another sip and stood up. "Henry Charles is a good name; a strong name. She'll see it too." She set her glass onto the coffee table and looked down at her son-in-law. "Thank you for being so good to her."
"I love her so how could I not be."
She clasped her hands together not wanting to get too sentimental she changed the subject. "Well I'm going for a lie down. I'm exhausted." She turned and started to head out of the room.
"Have a good rest," Chuck called after her. Eleanor raised a hand in acknowledgement and left the room.
Chuck finished his drink and decided to check on his wife. He headed upstairs and down the hall to their master bedroom where he was sure he would find her. He was not disappointed as he entered the room. She was lying on her side with a pillow between her legs. It was the only way for her to get even a little bit comfortable.
Chuck kicked off his shoes and tossed his suit jacket aside and slid onto the bed wrapping his arm around her as best he could. The palm of his hand rested against the swell of her stomach. He kissed the side of her neck softly.
"I hate that you were willing to change for her and not for me at that time." Her voice sounded hoarse as if she had been crying and it ripped his heart apart.
He lifted himself up onto his elbow looking down at her. "Blair it was always about you. Never once was it ever about anyone else. I wanted to be better for you. I wanted to be worthy of you and your love. Don't you get that?"
She turned her head to look at him and he saw he had been right; she had been crying. "I don't know why it bothers me still. We're married and having a baby together nothing else should matter but it does."
He searched her face finally meeting her gaze. "Our journey is our journey Blair. We can't change it no matter how badly we wish we could. And personally I wouldn't want to. It brought us to here and I'm thankful for that." He leaned down and kissed her lips.
When they separated she whispered, "We're still not naming him Henry."
41 WEEKS
Chuck had never before experienced so many different emotions in such a short span of time. After nineteen and half hours of labor Blair had finally delivered their son. Chuck had gone from feelings of helplessness to complete fear to exhaustion and then complete euphoria.
The nurse had just laid their newborn son against Blair's chest and she was cuddling him to herself, tears streaming down her face. In that moment she had never looked more beautiful. She couldn't take her eyes off of the baby.
"He's perfect Chuck." She was tentatively touching his tiny hands and feet almost like she was afraid of him. "Just look at him, Chuck."
For a minute Chuck had forgotten that he belonged in this picture. This was his family; his wife and son. He felt like he was intruding on a scene he wasn't a part of.
Getting no response from him Blair glanced up at him questioningly. "Chuck?"
He realized that he was suddenly gripped with fear. What if he hurt him? What if he didn't love him enough? What if he someday he said or did the wrong thing? What if one day, God forbid, his son learned what a horrible man his father had once been?
Blair reached out with her hand and touched his arm trying to coax him over. "Chuck, come look at him." The bundle in her arms was making little mewling sounds.
Chuck took the two steps to her side and glanced down at his son and it was immediately clear that he loved him. He felt so much love in that moment that his heart actually hurt. He sat onto the edge of Blair's bed and placed an arm around her reaching out with his other hand he ran a finger down his son's soft cheek. He was here and he was real and he was all theirs. He felt tears fill his eyes and he leaned down kissing Blair's temple.
"He's perfect. You're perfect. Thank you for this gift."
Blair glanced at her husband. "I love you."
He tore his eyes from his son and looked at his wife. She was pale and her hair was damp from the exertion of pushing for the past two hours and he had never loved her more. He kissed her.
The nurse came over and interrupted them. "So what are you calling the little guy."
Blair stared back down at her son and without hesitation she said, "Henry Charles."
Chuck felt a tear slip down his cheek and Blair reached up and wiped it away. "It fits him. He looks like a Henry."
He kissed her whispering, "Thank you," against her lips.
Their son started to fuss and Chuck knew that from this moment on his life would never be the same and he was okay with that.