Chapter 16: From little things… Big things Grow
It had been about six months since the events of Mission City had taken place and I had come to live on Diego Garcia with the Autobots. We were drawing to the end of the year and I couldn't believe how quickly time had flown by.
I had almost gotten used to the oppressive heat and stickiness living in the tropics can bring. The fact I had lost about 10 kilograms and toned up a bit had definitely helped. True to my word I had taken up walking and exercising more often in a bid to develop greater fitness, not just to help myself feel better and for health reasons, but to while away the hours when I was not needed at base to aid the Autobots or Lennox and his team. Some days I would be busy from sunup to sundown, other days I might go hours at a time when I was not needed, or even a day or two. That was usually when the Autobots and Lennox were on a mission. During those times I felt utterly useless and helpless.
My heart ached and my stomach knotted every time I saw them drive aboard the Boeing C17 Globemaster and take off. Would they all return? Who would get hurt this time? It was during these times I would try to find quiet, secluded place and practice my ''gift''. I had not used it very often since Mission City; I had been preoccupied with my new job and life and had not needed to use it but when I had nothing but my troubled thoughts for company, I made use of the time by trying to develop and practice my ''gift'' of psychokinesis, who knows, maybe one day it might come in handy again?
I stood inside the Autobot training hanger that had since been made operational. The doors closed so I would have warning if anyone came barrelling in. I had set myself several training tasks to try and develop greater finesse and duration in the use of my gift. I had really practised on choosing a random object in the hanger, smaller objects, focusing on it, picturing it in my mind and then imagining, visualising moving it. I would ''pick it up'' and practice moving it in all directions, varying heights and speeds. I would even practice making it hover in place for a while.
The latter ability I began to practice after I would occasionally wake up in the night after a nightmare – I had not been able to save Mikaela that night, that my ''gift'' had not worked. Since then I made sure I worked on the ability to ''hold something in place'' for an extended period of time. Gradually, I was building up to bigger objects, tyres, lengths of metal. I was impressed with myself as to how adept I was becoming with my gift, my growing control and my ability to manipulate objects of increasing size.
I was about to select another bigger object when I heard the distant roar of a large aircraft approaching. /They're back!/ I immediately abandoned my secret training and made my way out towards Hanger 1 and the runway where I knew they would eventually end up.
As I watched the large aircraft bank and line itself up, I felt my stomach turn. /Glad it's you and not me guys!/ Still, I did wish I was with them, I missed them when they weren't around.
Over the past six months I had developed a good relationship with most of the Autobots, even Ironhide. Lennox and Epps were like annoying younger brothers to me, but I loved them dearly. I had hoped to one day meet Lennox's beautiful (and patient), wife Sarah and his gorgeous daughter Annabelle as I had heard so many stories about them. They felt like family even though we had never met.
We had managed to meet up with Bee, Sam and Mikaela during the Thanksgiving holiday from school when they came to visit. It was so good seeing them again and we had a blast showing them all around the island. Bee was like a puppy dog bounding around his team, he had missed them. However, all too soon they had to leave. It was so hard saying goodbye to them, but we kept in touch via Skype when possible.
The plane was now making its final approach to the runway below. Everything had been going well, except for one thing. The only member of the team I considered to have not made very much progress with, and perhaps the one whom I most wanted to get to know, also kept me at the greatest distance – Prime.
Ever since that night by the beach I had noticed a subtle shift in the way Prime conducted himself around me. He was never rude, and he did not shut me out totally, that was not how Prime operated, but there was a definite barrier up. Whether by chance, or careful orchestration, Prime and I very rarely had any time alone and when we did it was not for very long as Prime always had some important business to attend to.
I tried not to take it to heart too much, after all, it had been my fault for getting to this situation. I was the one who couldn't leave painful memories alone. The amount of times I wished upon a star to be able to take that moment back, but – here we still were. Clearly, wish not granted. I let out a loud sigh and hugged myself close. The plane was almost about to touch down. /Hopefully everyone is ok/. I would soon find out, I guess.
I watched as the Boeing kicked up a swirl of dust and smoke as the massive tyres made contact with the runway. The engines changed their roar to a high-pitched whine as they were thrown into full reverse in an effort to pull it up before taking a swim. I held my breath each time – each time they were fine.
I stood waiting as the large aircraft taxied back towards Hanger 1. A few ground crew were running here and there ensuring all would be ready for its arrival. Before long the hulking plane stood imposingly before me and I held my breath, waiting for the cargo bay door to open and a procession of stylish cars and a rather impressive truck to file out.
It wasn't long and I saw the familiar and very dear figures begin to emerge. Lennox waved to me, as did Epps as they walked down the ramp. My heart relaxed a little. A rather handsome man with striking grey-green eyes walked closely behind them and he smiled at me as he passed. /Who is that?/ I thought to myself, I haven't seen him before. As quickly as the moment between myself and the mystery man took place it was over as I saw the remainder of my ''family'' process out of the plane - Jazz, Rachet, Ironhide and finally, Prime. I closed my eyes and offered a little prayer up to the heavens. My family were safe again.
The rest of the team filed out too, there appeared to be no injuries to anyone, and perhaps more importantly, no deaths. There were no coffins this time. They were the hardest days. Every loss to the team was painful and difficult to bear. I waved to the Autobots as they processed into the hanger, Jazz flashed his lights and honked his horn in greeting. He was probably my closest friend out of the Autobots, we got along so well and, as the appointed liaison to the ''liaison'', we spent a bit of time together. Rachet and Ironhide also gave a brief honk of acknowledgement – Prime did neither. /He has to be more reserved – He's the ''Prime''/. Still it hurt.
As Lennox and Epps approached, I gave them a quick hug each, ''Great to see you guys again! In one piece too – always a bonus,'' I lightly slapped them on the shoulders.
''Aussie, how you going? You get taller?'' Lennox pretended to look perplexed as he cast his eyes over my frame.
''Yeah actually, it's these new boots I am wearing, ''Kickyourarses''. Very comfy but can easily mould to the shape of any arse that needs a swift kick,'' I winked at Epps who just threw his head back and laughed.
''Ahh Aussie, never dull girl,'' and he gave me a high five. Turning to Lennox he laughed, ''She got you good man! When you gonna learn, she outranks you in the witty comeback stakes?'' Shaking his head, he walked inside with the Autobots.
Lennox quickly reached and grabbed me into a headlock and rubbed my head, yep little brother indeed. He quickly let me go and we headed inside. Most of the Autobots and a few of the soldiers were sniggering and smiling. Epps had clearly shared what just went down between Lennox and I.
''Girl, you do me proud,'' Jazz wiped a mock tear from his eye. He reached down and gave me a gentle fist bump as I walked in past him.
''Well nice to know I make someone proud Jazz,'' the words slipped out before I had registered them. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Prime's frame stiffen slightly and a sad expression settled on his features. ''Anyway, how did it all go?'' I jumped up onto a stack of wooden crates that had yet to be stored away.
''Smoke and mirrors really. There was minimal engagement with the ''Cons this time. Despite an increase in Decepticon activity, they seem unwilling to engage us in face to face combat,'' Lennox seemed a bit frustrated.
''Well with Ironhide on your side, so would I!'' I threw ''Hide a wink.
He puffed his huge barrel chest out and gave me a nod of approval and thanks. We had been growing closer and developed a comradery I did not think would be possible when thinking back to our first encounters. It felt good.
''They appear to be searching for something, but as to what that may be, we cannot ascertain at this point in time. All we can do is remain vigilant and continue to countermand Decepticon incursions when possible,'' Prime's baritone voice rolled like a deep ocean in very purposeful tones.
''Well, I for one am glad they don't want to fight you guys. Do you have any idea how much it hurts watching you take off, not knowing how many, if anyof you, will make it home in one piece?'' although it was said in a light tone, the weight of emotions behind the words hit their mark. ''Alright, moving on. What needs to be done now?'' I slapped my hand against my knee.
''Well, Prime and I need to report back to General Morshower basically immediately, so there's that. The rest of you probably need to head over to the medical bay for a routine quick examination by Rachet to ensure you are all fit and fully functional and OC, YOU have a very important job.''
I leaned forward in anticipation. /Finally!/.
''I need YOU to rustle us up some food, we're starving!'' Lennox winked at me.
I narrowed my eyes at his smug face. ''Just be aware that right now, I am hurling daggers at you Lennox, and so far, they have ALL found their mark!''
Lennox clutched his chest, ''Ouch, you got me!'' he pretended to double over in pain before snapping back upright, ''Make mine a burger with the works OC and an ice-cold coffee,'' and he headed up the catwalk with Prime turning to follow.
I sighed, ''Anyone else need an order fulfilled?'' Several other men yelled out for various items and I whipped out my phone and entered them into my notes. ''Righto, be back soon guys,'' and with that I wandered over to Relda, waving goodbye to Jazz and the others and took off downtown to grab some food and drinks.
Later that afternoon, after all the lunches had been handed out and some light-hearted banter had taken place. The team began to disperse. Lennox headed off to make a Skype phone call with Sarah and Anabelle as the satellite was in optimal range, Epps had some reports he had to fill out, some of the other men had various jobs to do, from cleaning weapons to cataloguing supplies.
The Autobots had since regrouped back at their personal quarters for some energon as it was too risky to keep it stored anywhere near explosive devices. I now found myself with nothing particular to do and no one in particular to talk to.
/Might as well go for a drive to Turtle Cove and the nursery there, I might even be lucky enough to see some hatchlings/. I had since learned that green turtles and hawksbill turtles nested there, and it was about this time they would be coming ashore to lay their eggs. I didn't particularly want to be alone at the moment for reasons I couldn't really explain, but rather than annoy the Autobots, I decided to try my luck at finding some smaller, much slower company.
Jumping in Relda, I started her up and we headed off down the road towards Turtle Cove. The sun was starting to set so I put my headlights on. Shortly afterwards, I pulled up not far from one of the beaches. Gabbing a jacket, it got surprisingly cool of an evening, I threw it on and trugged the short distance to the beach.
I found an open spot and sat myself down in the cool sand to wait. I was enveloped in silence, save for the sound of the waves breaking gently against the shore. The sky was turning remarkable shades of reds, purples and oranges, my breath hitched, and I felt tears prickle at my eyes. /What is wrong with me?/ I mentally chastised myself.
Instead of wiping away my tears as I usually did so no one would see them fall, I let them fall. Let them slide down my cooling cheeks and drip onto my lap and the sand below. I began to sniff a bit. I scanned the horizon, hoping to see a shadow emerge from the water. Nothing. I felt so alone. I hugged my knees up under my chin and buried my head and let the dam break. I felt my shoulders shake with heaving sobs as I cried and cried. I began to rock myself forwards and backwards, attempting to soothe myself. /From what? Why are you so upset?/. It was at this point that I heard it.
Heavy footsteps, cautiously approaching. ''OC? Are you ok? What's the matter?'' The one voice I both wanted to hear and was afraid of hearing both wrapped me in warmth and sent icy shivers down my back. I hugged my legs closer for a moment as if trying to desperately squeeze strength from within myself.
I raised my tear stained face and looked at Prime who had knelt down cautiously beside me, concern etched into his faceplates, blinking rapidly as he took in my distraught form. I used my jumper sleeve in a very undignified way to wipe my nose, but at that point I didn't care. My heart hurt. I didn't care how I looked. ''I'm fine,'' I said in a level voice.
Prime tilted his helm and almost scoffed, almost. ''OC, anyone with optics can see you are not fine. Why are you so upset? Are you injured? Has someone hurt you?'' He genuinely looked concerned.
A part of me did scoff out loud. Six months of distanced and strained contact. Six months of feeling sick in the pit of my stomach that I had ruined any chance of developing the comradery I had with the other Autobots with him. Six bloody months of being kept at a very long arm's length and now he suddenly seems concerned for my well-being! Something snapped inside of me.
''Yeah actually, someone has hurt me!'' I raised glaring eyes up towards the towering leader, my body shivering with either cold or rage.
Prime was taken aback for a moment by both my tone and the fact he had heard that someone had indeed hurt me. ''OC! Who were they? What did they do?'' He almost reached out for me, but I cut him off.
I jumped to my feet in one surprisingly swift move, ''It was YOU, you bloody clueless idiot!'' Fresh tears spilled down my face, a veritable river cascading, unchecked. I stood there, shaking with pain and shock. I wrapped my arms about myself for comfort. /What had I just done?/.
The arm and servo Prime had been cautiously extending was snapped back as though it had just been burned. Perhaps it had. ''OC… I…. I….'' He struggled to form a sentence, something I had never seen the great Prime struggle with before.
''It doesn't matter anyway, it's my fault!'' with this crashing realisation I started to run towards my car again. I had embarrassed myself and ruined any chance I had at healing the wounds between Prime and I.
''OC, Stop! Wait!'' and with that a large metal servo came crashing down in front of me, not close enough to hurt me but close enough to halt my retreat. ''Please. Please wait,'' the pleading tone of his voice, broke my heart anew. I stopped. Prime lowered his servo. A silent invitation to climb on board.
I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I should accept or run. /You have never been a coward, don't start now/ a quiet voice whispered in my head. I took a deep breath and, reaching out for a digit, I climbed aboard. His servo was warm to the touch and it soothed the icy fire that raged inside me. I held tight as he drew his servo towards his face, close enough that I could see the fine wires and cables that made up parts of his optics. Optics that shone so brightly yet held such sadness as to almost consume me.
The softest voice was torn from his dermas, ''OC, forgive me, please. I, I had no idea my actions hurt you so. I would never intentionally cause you pain. You must believe me on this,'' Prime blinked his eyes and looked beseechingly at me.
A moment stretched out between us.
I closed my eyes, willing my heart to keep beating, willing my mouth to work. In an equally soft voice, barely a whisper, ''It's ok. I'll forgive you, if… if you forgive me? I should never have said what I did to you, I should have respected your privacy.'' I forced my eyes open and looked Prime dead in the optics. I was drowning in his azure gaze. I could feel myself getting lost.
Prime blinked his optics slowly, breaking the spell. ''OC, there is nothing to forgive on your part. It is I who reacted badly to a friend who simply reached out in support and tried to offer comfort.'' At this he paused momentarily, casting his gaze to the ground. ''I am not used to the one being comforted, especially about something I had buried deep inside me long ago.''
He fixed his gaze back on me. ''I have not had the chance to properly grieve her loss. The war'', his voice hardened, ''took so much from us – from me.'' There was now a fire burning in those optics, a hard edge to his tone. Subconsciously I ran my hand down his digit as if trying to soothe him. He must have felt it as the fire burning in his optics slowly quelled and when he next spoke it was with a more even tone. ''Elita 1… was the other half of my spark. When she died, a part of me did too. In fact, I don't know how I didn't follow her into the Well of the Allspark'', Prime's voice trailed off as he grew introspective.
It was then that I spoke up, ''Because you are YOU.'' He raised his optics and helm again to look at me, an unnamed emotion swirling inside them. ''I can't explain it Prime. I do not know you as well as the others because you distance yourself. Probably to shield you from ever feeling that sense of overwhelming loss and pain again,'' I ventured.
An almost imperceptible nod of his great helm.
I continued, ''but from what I do know of you and what I feel about you is you care deeply about everything and everyone. You tear yourself apart, literally sometimes, trying to protect those around you, you fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and the thought of letting your team down, your Autobots – gnaws at you. It pushes you to hold on when you think you can't, forces you to get up when you get knocked down and holds together the shards of a broken spark even, when it feels as though it must shatter into a million pieces to let the pain escape.'' I lay my hand gently on his servo.
Prime closed his optics for a moment and his intake valves cycled air as he processed my words. I waited until he fixed me with his gaze again before I continued, he needed to hear this.
''I never had the privilege of meeting Elita 1 but I bet she must have been a lot like you, she must have been special and, like you, I bet she felt the same way about her Autobot femmes. Had it been you that died, while no doubt she would have grieved, her spark never the same again, she would have continued like you do now. To save her people – to fight each day to not let them down, to help them find peace,'' I paused a moment and reached out my hand towards his faceplates. He brought me closer so I could touch his helm. A great gesture of trust. I laid my hand on his helm between his optics and he closed them. ''Just like I am sure she would want you to be at peace with what has happened. She will always be in your spark Prime, those we love the most never truly leave us. Carry her forward with you, don't hide her away,'' I intoned solemnly.
I felt tears sting my own eyes as I thought about what I had said and reflected on those I had lost. ''And…. If you ever need someone to talk to about her, about anything, I am here for you. Don't shut me out, I only ever want to help you. I care about you, all of you.'' I wanted to say more but all I could do was gently rub my hand against his helm.
I felt his other servo move to cradle me, pulling me close to his helm, the closest thing to a hug. I closed my eyes and placed both of my hands across his optic ridge, a vain attempt at hugging him back. We stayed like that for a moment, both giving and receiving much needed comfort.
Prime slowly lowered me from his helm and fixed me with an intent gaze, his optics shining with gratitude and something else – affection? His voice, barely a whisper and laden with emotion when he spoke, ''OC, thank you. You humble me. And, despite what you think, you know me far better than most, including myself.''
I automatically dipped my head, slightly embarrassed by the praise, ''Just glad I could help Prime. Are we… are we good now?'' I looked up at him once more and he gently traced a digit down my tear stained face.
''Never better. I will take what you have said on board. I will try to not shut you out again and I may even take you up on your offer of being a sounding board. After all even Prime's need to vent from time to time,'' there was a hint of humour in his tone and I laughed. It felt good to talk like this with him.
''As long as you return the favour and listen to me when I need to unload, deal?'' I reached out my hand.
''Deal,'' and he extended his digit and we shook on it. ''Now,'' his usual deep baritone voice cut through the night air. ''It is very late, and we should head back before Ironhide sends a search party out for us.''
I laughed again; a weight lifted off my shoulders. ''Oh shit, quick let's do the Harold Holt and get out of here!''
Prime tilted his helm again, ''The Harold Holt?''
I shook my head, ''Just google Australian Prime Ministers who disappeared under strange circumstances.'' Prime had lowered his servo and I jumped off. By the time I reached my Relda, I heard a low chuckled emanate from him as he walked carefully behind me.
''Fascinating. He disappeared after going for a swim, never to be seen again. Australians often refer to the incident as ''doing the Harold Holt or bolt'' as in when one someone leaves somewhere quickly and without explanation.''
''Yeah, well. It loses some of its impact when it is explained. You'll get used to my 'Australianisms' - part of my charm,'' I turned and smiled up at him.
''Indeed,'' he smiled back.
A thought struck me. ''Say Prime?''
''Yes OC?''
''Why did you come out here? Surely you haven't taking up turtle watching as a hobby just recently,'' I raised an interrogating eyebrow.
''Actually OC, in truth, I came to find you to apologise and talk about what happened that night about six months ago,'' his optics shone brightly with humour as he carefully walked behind me.
''Oh. Well… mission accomplished Big Guy!'' I smiled back at him as I reached for Relda's doorhandle.
I climbed into Relda, turning the keys in the ignition. Her engine rumbled to life and I let her warmup a bit, being a diesel. ''Thanks Prime, I am glad we talked.''
''Thank you OC, as am I. Do you need me to escort you back to your apartment?''
I gave a little chuckle, ''Sweet of you, but nah, I'm good.'' I started to drive off, ''I'll see you tomorrow,'' and I waved. Prime waved back and then transformed, his own diesel engine rumbling along behind me as he shadowed me back to Hanger 1.
As I continued past Hanger 1, I watched Prime's headlights flick once at me in a silent farewell. I could not contain the goofy grin that spread across my face. It was okay. We were okay.
Everything was going to be okay.