Before we begin, let's review the rooster:
Shinji Ikari as the Dungeon Master.
Asuka Langley Sohryu as Emma Alteisen, human warrior (Neutral Good)
Rei Ayanami as Lilith, elven warlock of the Star Pact (Lawful Evil)
Hikari Horaki as Baltika Lightsmithy, dwarven paladin of Moradin (Lawful Good)
Kensuke Aida as Kenneth Clover, half-elf Shapeshifter druid (True Neutral)
Touji Suzuhara as Thomas Oneleg the Fourth, human rogue (Chaotic Good)
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BAKAS&BEHOLDERS
Side effects may include dry mouth, nausea, penalty of –2 in Constitution, painful rectal itch, Three Stooges Syndrome and premature ceremorphosis.
Consult your Dungeon Master before use.
II
You Do (Not) Meet in an Inn – Part 1
The light of the morning sun bathed the city of Silvervein, or as it had become to be known in the last three centuries, Mindflayers Fall. A plethora of noises soon replaced the silence that had reigned during the hours of darkness. The many different small businesses opened their windows and doors, ready to welcome the first clients of the day. Yawning, the exhausted night guards were relieved of their duty. Some of them, guided by the smell of freshly-baked bread, dragged their feet to the closest bakery and/or tavern for a hot breakfast. Others, apparently not so famished, returned to the barracks, which had been constructed upon the remains of a crashed natuiloid ship.
In the past, seven of those aberrant contraptions had raided the city. Like hungry carrion birds, they had descended upon the streets, unfurling their tendrils in order to abduct as many men, women and children as they could. However, that day, the inhabitants of Silvervein refused to become prey for the illithid invaders, and they fought back. The clerics shielded the non-combatants behind blessings and barriers of holy magic. The wizards weaved incendiary clouds in the skies, eroding the ships' protective carapaces. The dwarves dusted off the artillery inherited from their forefathers and, alongside the ballistae of the guard, they shot down the nautiloids. With torches and pitchforks, the enraged citizens fought their way through the fleshy halls, exterminating all the surviving mindflayers.
And, in the burning helm of the largest ship, the dwarf Borwald Lightsmithy, paladin of Moradin, struck down Architheuxil, the vile ulitharid who was leading the raid.
The victory was bittersweet, paid with the lives of many heroes and innocent; but the survivors would not let themselves be consumed by grief. As they tended their wounds and mourned their lost loved ones, they also cleaned the debris and repaired the walls. They sent news of their success to the neighboring cities, asking for help that they would kindly return in the future. They salvaged the illithids' artifacts from the dreaded ships and sold some of them in exchange for medicine, food, seeds to sow in the fields and new weapons for the guard. The remaining objects were turned into trophies, mementos of the victory, and they would often be paraded through the streets in the following decades. Lastly, the smoldering and oozing remains of the nautiloids became the foundations for seven great buildings: the barracks, the College of Wizardry, the Palace of Justice, the library, the hospital and the museum. The largest of the ships was converted into a massive cathedral dedicated to Moradin, Ilmater and other benevolent deities.
As the sun rose in the sky, many citizens entered in the great temple. Some were there for the morning services. Others would just kneel and mumble a quick prayer before marching to their jobs. Among the waves of people coming and going, five individuals stood out, but not to mortal eyes. For the inhabitants of Mindflayers Fall, they looked no more unique than the many adventurers one could find in the city. However, there were others looking at those five souls that morning. Gods. Archfeys. Celestial paragons. Great fiends from both the Abyss and the Nine Hells of Baator. Unknowable beings of similar might. All of them could see what the guards, vendors and passerby could not: five threads of fate stretching towards a future so bright that it shone even through the mists of the time yet to come.
But was this the light of glory, or did the glow belong to the fires of damnation? Not even the gods could tell.
The Dungeon Master made a pause, to catch his breath and to allow his players to process everything he had just described. He noticed that, barring Asuka, all of them were staring at him, their eyes wide-open in amazement. In a reflex action, he sunk a bit in his chair. Although two years of peace and professional help had done wonders for his self-esteem, the boy couldn't help but to feel a bit uncomfortable with that much attention, even if it was from his friends. While he had taken the role of narrator many times before, it had always been just with his girlfriend and in the safety and peace of their home. That was the first time he performed in front of a 'large' crowd. For a brief instant, his confidence weakened.
Asuka leaned closer. Her hand moved behind the Dungeon Master's Screen and took his. The redhead gave him a warm and reassuring smile.
"You're doing great," she whispered. "I told you they were going to love it. Now keep it up!"
She kissed him on the cheek before letting go of his hand, and just like that, his confidence returned, stronger than before.
"Alright," Shinji said, talking to the players. "Hikari, your paladin is already inside the cathedral and will be introduced a bit later. The rest of you, please describe your characters."
"What?" Touji asked. "But we already did that!"
"Not really, you just introduced them. Now I need you to tell me what they are wearing and what they look like. If you want to give them a particular piece of clothing, or a scar, or to change the color of the hair; this is your last chance."
"Oh, come on!" the athlete whined.
"Stop complaining, stooge," Asuka intervened. "This is what truly separates the newbies from the pros: the roleplaying. Watch and learn…"
A human woman marched at the head of the group, her body clad in armor made of crimson steel. On her back rested a two-handed sword, with engravings of dragons in both sheath and handle. When she passed through the cathedral's threshold, she took off her winged helmet and held it under an arm. Her red hair, unrestrained, fell over her back like a cascade of fire. Two eyes, of a blue deeper than the ocean, gazed briefly at the altar in the distance. Unlike the rest of the congregation, she would not kneel or pray. However, when she walked by the statue of Borwald Lightsmithy, she bowed her head, ever so slightly. The paladin had been a great hero and a warrior of unparalleled strength, and she could respect that.
This woman was Emma Alteisen, a fighter from the faraway kingdom of Diustic.
A man walked behind her. His ears, pointy but with the size and overall shape of those of a human, revealed his nature as a half-elf. Unlike the red-haired warrior, he did not wear any armor. In fact, his only piece of clothing was a ragged brown shirt, so long that it almost reached the knees. No shoes, no cape, no pants, no belt. Long scars decorated his arms, legs and face. His unkempt light brown hair looked more like the mane of a wild animal, and a sparkle of primal, predatory hunger twinkled in his eyes, barely restrained by the chains of sapience and reason.
Kenneth Clover was his name, and he carried with him the scent of pines, of wolves and of druidic incense. Needless to say, his brutish and feral-like appearance drew uncomfortable stares from the parishioners, but the half-breed didn't seem to care, or even notice.
In third place marched an elven woman, sporting a black dress with a long skirt, but not so much that it reaches the ground. The sleeves had embroidery patterns, from the shoulders to the wrists. Sown in blacker silk, they resembled tentacles twisting and turning, although it was difficult to see it in the dim light of the candles. She walked without the grace and flamboyance that was so common in her people. Instead, her movements were… calm. Normal. Boring. Uninteresting to watch. She would've been an unremarkable sight, destined to be forgotten by the congregation in just a few minutes, were not for three details. The first was her body, slender even by elven standards and with skin as pale as the moon. Then there was her hair, short and cerulean. Lastly, her eyes, red like blood spilling out from a fresh wound.
She responded to the name of Lilith, and those who talked to hear swore that they felt a chilling presence at the back of their heads whenever she spoke.
"It's your turn, Touji," the Dungeon Master said.
"Aw, man…" the jock complained. "This is just like the essays we have to do at school, but nerdier."
He picked up his sheet and stared at the drawing of his character. Shinji and Hikari had helped him with the design, but that only made things worse, because it meant that there was more stuff to describe. Wrinkles of concentration appeared on his forehead, and his lips moved without making a sound as he tried to come up with something, anything that sounded good enough. After a while, Touji put the paper back on the table and took a deep breath.
"Ayanami, I'll give you a thousand yen if you do it for me."
"Suzuhara!" Hikari scolded him.
"Ha!" Asuka laughed. "Saw it coming from a mile away!"
"Come on, man" Kensuke said. "Don't be so cheap."
"I will do it."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?"
All the eyes turned to Rei, and three mouths opened wide in surprise. Shinji remained quiet, curious to see how things would unfold. Touji smiled, victorious and content, as he reached for his wallet.
"I do not want money," the blue-haired girl declared.
"You doing it for free? Awesome! Thanks, Ayanami. You're a pal."
"I did not say such a thing. I do want payment for my work."
Before the jock could ask, Rei slammed a paper on the table, right under his nose.
"Sign here," she said. "It is a document giving me legal authority to take control over your character, once in this adventure and at any moment I desire, to perform a single action of my choosing."
At a loss for words, Asuka stood up and began to wave her arms from Rei to Touji, all while staring at Shinji in disbelief. His boyfriend shrugged and gave her an apologetic look, as if to say: 'Well, they're not really breaking any rules…'
"Touji," Kensuke called, "that is a bad idea."
"Oh, lighten up, Ken. Besides, it's the kind of deal you would offer to someone."
"That's why I know it's a bad idea."
While the jock signed, Rei turned to look at the Dungeon Master and asked:
"Could we interpret this, in-universe, as Thomas selling his soul to Lilith for just one instant at an undefined point in the future?"
"Sure," Shinji answered as he scribbled something in his notepad, with black marker:
Give extra XP to Rei for acting according to her character's alignment.
"Could we also pretend that this took place two days ago?" the pale girl asked. "It would be weird if we were to do it in the middle of a cathedral dedicated to good-aligned deities."
"I will allow it this once, but only because it's still very early in the adventure."
Addendum: give nice item to Rei for good roleplaying.
Once the contract was signed and ready, the ex-pilot of Unit-00 picket it up, rolled it up and slid it down into her shirt. Then, she cleared her throat.
A human male, tall and of broad shoulders, walked last in that peculiar group of four. His cheeks and chin were covered by an uneven stubble, one that could only be obtained after a quick and clumsy shaving, with a somewhat dull knife, in the basement of a tavern. This little beard was as black as the hair on his head. He wore no armor other than a leather jacket over a shirt of long sleeves, perfect for hiding cards during a game. His pants had many small pockets, although most of them seemed patched from other clothes. On his right leg there was a quiver filled to the brim with sharp bolts, no doubt for the crossbow that rested on his back.
He stopped and turned to face a charity box, made of wood and engraved with the symbol of the god Ilmater. For an instant, his right hand blurred in a quick movement. He then resumed his way, fastening his pace to reach his companions. The priests would discover, later, that the contents of the box had increased by three silver pieces.
This man was Thomas, once the fourth member of the Oneleg family to carry that name, now a rogue repudiated and exiled by his parents. However, he still used his full title without an iota of shame or regret, proud in the knowledge that such an action angered his father to no end.
"Do you like it?" Rei asked.
"Hell yeah!" Touji answered, with a huge grin on his face. "You make me sound awesome!"
"Alright, let's continue," Shinji said. "The four of you are here because your friend, Baltika Lightsmithy, has finished her training and will be ordained paladin today. Right now, you have just passed through the entrance hall, which contains the statues of Borwald and the other heroes who protected the city against the mindflayers. The vast nave stands before you, and although the walls and ceiling have been reinforced and repaired with dwarven architecture, you can still see some of the calcified flesh of the nautiloid. The altar is far away, but you can distinguish the symbol of Ihys, god of equality and free will. That is how this cathedral is structured, with each aisle dedicated to a different deity. Thus, you go down some nearby stairs, for you know that your friend is waiting in the subterranean hall of Moradin."
Behind the screen, Shinji pressed the 'play' button on his SDAT, which had been hooked not to earbuds, but to speakers. A rhythmic pounding noise, accompanied by metallic echoes, filled the room. The Dungeon Master continued:
"The temperature raises as you descend. You notice the smell of steel, fire and coal; and it becomes more poignant with each step downward. It doesn't take you long to reach a stone arch, engraved with dwarven runes. At the other side lies the temple of Moradin, but it looks like no other holy place you've ever seen. Instead of chapels, there are coal-fed, flame-belching forges. Each one is connected to a chimney that grows to the ceiling, where they arch diagonally until they connect, in a way similar to the ribbed vault of a church. You see no altars, just anvils where the smith-priests hit the white hot steel, chanting their daily prayers at the rhythm of their hammers."
"Wow…" Hikari's eyes widened. "It's so cool! What are they chanting?"
Shinji looked at Asuka. After exchanging smiles of mischievous complicity, the couple stood up and, in perfect synchronization, sang in English:
Born underground, grown inside a rocky womb
The earth is our cradle; the mountain shall become our tomb
Face us on the battlefield; you will meet your doom!
We do not fear what lies beneath
We can never dig too deep!
I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole
Diggy, diggy hole; diggy, diggy hole
I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole
Diggy, diggy hole; digging a hole
I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole
Diggy, diggy hole; diggy, diggy hole
Both teenagers lost it after the last 'hole' and fell back on their chairs, laughing. The other players just stared at each other and shrugged, not getting the joke.
Touji rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"Nerds…" he mumbled.
The party stopped near the end of the temple. A few meters ahead, on an iron platform, a female dwarf of freckled cheeks and brown hair had a knee on the ground. She wore a heavy armor made of steel, yellow in color. There was no helmet on her head or hands, and no weapons dangling from belt. She was surrounded by a circle of ten dwarves, six men and four women, all of them clad in plate armor. Each one carried a large shield engraved with the symbol of a hammer and an anvil. These paladins had their weapons drawn, and they were using them to pound on their shields, in unison and following the rhythm of the chants.
An eleventh dwarf stood up in the middle of the circle, right in front of Baltika. He was the oldest of them all, with a long, silvery beard and thick eyebrows. His armor, of an earthy coloration, seemed almost as worn as its owner, sporting scratches, dentations and other marks. At his back, three items rested on a black anvil. The old paladin picked one of the objects, a steel hammer, and approached the woman, who was still bowing her head.
"Rise, Baltika of the Lightsmithy clan," he declared, and his deep voice rose above the noise of the pounding.
The young paladin did as instructed, looking at the elder in the eyes.
"Your instruction is complete," he said as he gave her the weapon. "From now on, you are the hammer of the Dwarf-Father. As the blacksmith hits the hot iron to give it shape and purpose, you shall strike down evil wherever you find it."
Baltika hung the weapon from her belt. Then, the old dwarf gave her the second object: a round shield, also engraved with the symbol of an anvil and a hammer.
"As the mountains stand tall and proud over our ancient kingdoms, never crumbling before the storm, the wind or the blizzard; you shall not fall before the unlawful and the vile. You will stand strong, to protect our community against those who would destroy us."
Baltika attached her new shield to her left gauntlet. The other paladins ceased their pounding. The elder picked the remaining object: a helmet made of silver.
"As the miner brings us ore for our anvils, coal for our forges and gemstones for our cutters; you shall bring us justice for our downtrodden, peace for our people and a future for our children," he placed the helmet upon Baltika's head. "And, if you fall in battle, what will you do once you enter the house of the Dwarf-Father?"
Shinji stopped narrating and looked at Hikari.
"You go now," he said. "I'll let you choose how to finish the oath."
"I will show him my shield," Baltika responded. "When he asks me why it's stained with blood, I shall tell him that it's all mine, that I bled to death so that my brothers and sisters didn't have to. Then, I shall hang up my shield in his halls, for I will need it no longer."
"That was amazing, Hikari!" Shinji exclaimed. "Great roleplaying!"
"Atta girl!" Asuka said, giving her friend a smile and a thumbs-up. Then, she looked at Touji, with a much less friendly expression, and added: "Hey, stooge! You could learn something from your girlfriend here!"
At those words, the jock almost fell from his chair.
"Shut up, Sohryu!" he yelled/babbled as Hikari's face acquired the coloration of a tomato. "She-she's not my girlfriend!"
Kensuke shook his head in equal parts disbelief and disappointment.
"It is a weird and sad world," he said, "where Shinji and the Red Devil hook up before you two."
That remark gained him two twenty-sided dice to the face, one from Asuka and the other from Touji.
The old dwarf put his hands in Baltika's shoulders.
"May the light of Moradin's Soul Forge always illuminate your path, paladin," he declared. Then, without warning, he pulled her into a much more informal hug. "Your grandfather would be proud, lass."
The other ten holy warriors followed suit in forsaking the formalities. They surrounded their newly-ordered sister and assaulted her with backpats, headpats and bear hugs from all directions, without mercy.
"That's enough, lads," the elder said after a while. "Let her breathe. Besides, her friends are waiting."
Taking those words as confirmation that they could approach, Emma wasted no time and jumped on the platform. She rushed to Baltika's side and lifted her up in another hug without any trouble, as if she was holding a tiny and lightweight baby instead of an adult dwarven woman clad in heavy, and we do mean heavy, armor.
"Hurra!" Asuka exclaimed, raising both fists to the sky as she celebrated the success of her Strength roll. "The first Natural 20 of the game! You know what that means, Shinji!"
She tilted closer to the Dungeon Master, closing her eyes and puckering her lips.
The other players raised confused eyebrows. The only exception was Rei, who seemed to know what was going on.
"It's a thing we do," Shinji explained as his cheeks gained color. "She gets a kiss for every Natural 20."
He stood up and leaned forward, over the screen, until they made contact.
It was a very simple kiss. No noises, no tongues, no saliva… just their lips touching. Something little, warm and innocent.
Seconds passed, but they refused to let go. Asuka pushed the Dungeon Master's Screen aside and took Shinji's hands, intertwining her fingers with his.
Touji rolled his eyes and made a jerking off motion with his hand, and since Hikari was too busy squeeing at the couple, Rei took the duty of pulling his ear.
The elder paladin watched as the adventurers congratulated their friend. He didn't say a word, giving them time to celebrate. Eventually, he approached the party, clearing his throat to attract their attention.
"Greetings," he said. "It's nice to meet Baltika's friends at last. She speaks highly of you. I am Drogan of the Brasshelms clan, senior paladin of Mindflayers Fall. Welcome to our holy ironworks. Please, excuse the suddenness, but could you come with me for just a moment? There's something I'd like to discuss in private."
The adventurers exchanged dubious glances, but Baltika assured them that they could trust her master. They followed Drogan to the end of the temple, where he opened a door of stone that, fortunately for four members of the party, was not dwarf-sized. At the other side, they found what appeared to be a storage room filled with wooden crates and iron chests, large and small. There were several weapon racks containing swords, axes, halberds, maces and warhammers. The old dwarf invited them to use the chests as seats, assuring them that they would not break.
"Before we begin," he said, "I'm going to cast a Detect Evil spell. Please, don't think ill of me. I trust Baltika's judgement, but what I'm about to tell you is of the utmost secrecy and importance, and I can't take any chances. I hope you understand."
He received no oposition or hostility from his guests. Drogan raised an arm, and his hand started to glow with a dim white light, and so did his eyes. For a brief instant there was silence. Then, the face of the silver-bearded paladin twisted in horror and anger.
"You!" he shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger at Lilith.
"Ooops," the Dungeon Master said. "He seems angry. What do you do?"
Hikari quickly asked:
"Can I try to convince him that she's not a threat?"
"Of course. Roll Persuasion."
The freckled girl grabbed her die, but as she was about to throw it, she stopped dead in her tracks.
"Um…" she said, sporting a blush of embarrassment. "How do you do that again?"
"Don't worry, it's easy," Asuka explained, leaning over the table and pointing at Hikari's character sheet: "First, you roll a twenty-sided die. Then you add your Charisma modifier, because Persuasion depends on Charisma, as well as the correspondent Skill Score. If the final result is equal or higher than the Difficulty Class of the action, you succeed."
"Ugh," Touji grimaced, "Maths…"
"Also," Shinji intervened, "because you're a paladin, you have advantage. Roll two twenty-sided dice and pick the highest number."
"Alright," Hikari rolled. "Uh, 9 and 11, so it's 11. Let's see… my Charisma modifier is +1… my Skill Score for Persuasion is also +1…"
"Wait," Asuka said. "You have proficiency in Persuasion, so you also have to add your proficiency modifier, which right now is +2."
Touji grabbed his head with both hands and let out a painful mewl. He was experiencing a flashback to a particularly unpleasant algebra class.
"A total of 15," the class representative declared. "Is that enough?"
"Wait!" Baltika rushed forward and held her teacher's arm, stopping him from drawing his sword.
Drogan stared at her, surprised and confused by this action. The newly ordained paladin took a step back, positioning herself between the elder and Lilith.
"She is my friend," Baltika said, gesturing towards the blue-haired elf. "Yes, there's evil in her soul, but it's out of necessity, not greed or malice. Long ago, she was forced, by circumstances, to seek the aid of dark forces in order to survive."
She spoke with honesty and conviction, while also keeping a polite and respectful tone. While she wanted to defend her friend, she had no desire to insult or antagonize her superior and teacher. Drogan glanced over her shoulder, locking his eyes on Lilith. He studied the pale elf from head to toe and frowned, as if he was beholding something loathsome.
"Her heart is consumed by a desire for vengeance," he warned.
"Indeed," Baltika admitted, "but I assure you that the object of her hatred is a single man, one so vile and wicked that could rival Architheuxil himself. She wishes no ill on the city, or us. Furthermore, she has promised that no innocents will be harmed in her quest for revenge. I trust her, and thus I vouch for her."
"You succeed," the Dungeon Master declared. "While he's still nervous and throws unfriendly glares to Lilith every now and then, Drogan accepts her presence. You're doing great, Hikari. Keep it up," he turned to Rei. "Of course, this will only work if you agree to that. Do you promise that you will not hurt any innocents?"
"I do," Ayanami answered. "It is not my wish to cause strife among the members of the party. Besides, as I explained before, there is only one person Lilith is interested in killing and/or torturing, ideally both in reverse order."
"Very well. Now–"
"Wait," the pale girl interrupted. "Before we continue, Lilith must inform Baltika of her contract with Thomas."
Asuka, Hikari and Shinji were left stunned.
"Are… Are you sure?" the Dungeon Master asked, in a tone of voice that discouraged that idea. "Out in the open? In front of Drogan? That's very dangerous, Rei."
"I am aware," she replied. "However, Lilith cannot correspond her friend's trust with dishonesty. Keeping the contract a secret would make her feel bad. It would make me feel bad as well."
"Aaaawwww…" Hikari aaawwed. "That's so nice, Rei! But I don't know if my character will be too happy to know that…" Biting her thumb, she skimmed through the pages of her handbook about paladins, searching for a way out of that uncomfortable situation. "Did Lilith coerce Thomas into doing it?"
"No, she did not. He was informed of the terms of the contract and he accepted willingly."
"And is she going to hurt him?"
"She is not. Lilith shall fulfill her promise of not harming innocents."
"In that case, I think Baltika will let it go, just this once," Hikari then turned to look at the Dungeon Master. "Can we do that? Please?"
Shinji found himself at a crossroads. On one hand, it could be argued that they were acting against their alignments, and his instincts as director of the game told him to punish them for that. On the other, his players were going out of their way to avoid infighting, and the boy felt that such efforts deserved a reward. He looked at Kensuke, who shrugged. He looked at Touji, but the jock still seemed not very immersed in the game. Lastly, he looked at Asuka, who smiled and nodded.
"Just this once, I will allow it," Shinji declared, "but I still think you're acting against your alignment. Baltika is not only Lawful Good, she's a paladin. I find it hard to believe that this whole situation doesn't make her angry."
"Oh, don't worry. She will get angry, but not at Lilith. In fact, she's going to pull Thomas' ear while she scolds him for selling his soul. What do I roll to do that?"
"Hey!" Touji protested.
"Eeeeh…" Shinji thought about it for a few seconds, and then he shrugged. "No roll needed. Make sure that you yell at him for at least ten minutes and you won't suffer any penalties."
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"Shut it, Suzuhara!"
"And Rei," the Dungeon Master turned to the pale girl. "That was a bit too wholesome for a Lawful Evil character. I won't penalize you because, honestly, your idea of the soul contract was really good; but this will be the last time. You'll have to be careful from now on."
"It is alright," Ayanami answered, seemingly not worried. "Lilith performs an act of unspeakable vileness every morning. I believe it will make up for any good behavior she might display."
"Really? What does she do?"
No muscle twitched in Rei's face. Her tone of voice didn't quiver. There was no doubt in her words. No change appeared in her expression of zen-like neutrality as she confessed the crimes of her character:
"She pours the milk before the cereal."
All the other players recoiled, gasping in horror.
After the initial shock, Asuka put her hands on Rei's shoulders and, with a worried look in her face, said:
"Wondergirl, calm down! It's just a game!"
A thoughtful Drogan stroked his beard, still frowning in stern disapproval, as he looked at Thomas. The human rogue was now bent over, his right ear stretched and trapped between the index and thumb of a dwarf half his size.
Once Baltika finished her loud scolding, she let him go. Thomas stood straight, rubbing his ear. The elder paladin approached him.
"I still don't like it," he said, shaking his head. "Selling your soul like that… but Ihys gave free will to all of us. Who am I to tell you how to use your divine gift? I just hope you're ready to deal with the consequences of your actions, when they come. As for you," Drogan turned to Lilith. "I've known Baltika since she was no bigger than a mastiff pup. If she trusts you, so will I. However," his tone of voice grew a little hostile, "you better not betray her friendship. Be careful of not breaking her heart, because if you do, I'll pierce yours with my sword. And, for once, I won't be doing it in Moradin's name," he gestured at Baltika, "I'll be doing it in hers."
Elf and dwarf exchanged stares, the former calm and unreadable, the latter serious and threatening. Then, Lilith responded with a bow of respect and gratitude.
"Very well," Drogan sighed as he sat on an iron chest. "Now, let me explain why I brought you here. Yesterday I was contacted by Kassan Othmar, the head bursar of the College of Wizardry. It seems that a certain artifact has been stolen, and he requests the paladins' help in recovering it."
"What artifact?" Emma asked.
The old dwarf answered with another question:
"Do you know what a 'brain canister' is?'"
"Roll Arcana, everyone" Shinji said. "Rei, since you're a Star Pact warlock, you are familiar with mindflayers and other aberrations. You have advantage. Roll 2d20 and pick the highest number."
The dice were thrown, followed by four groans of disappointment.
"I do," Lilith said. "It is a funerary urn filled with an alchemic solution. If a mindflayer dies far away from the colony, its brain can be extracted and placed in the canister. The aforementioned solution keeps it alive long enough so that it can be returned to the colony and thrown into the pool of the Elder Brain, which is the final fate all illithids aspire to. Sometimes they are used to store the brains of other living beings, to be consumed in long journeys."
"Horrible trinkets, they are," Drogan winced. "I can't imagine the agony of being trapped in a tiny urn, denied of your rightful afterlife, with no mouth to scream, no eyes to see nor ears to hear. All of that, just to be devoured by those aberrations."
"If it makes you feel any better, brains are unconscious and insensitive while in the canister."
"I'm afraid it doesn't, but thanks."
"How did such an object end up in the College?"
"Our ancestors found it in the largest of the seven ships. Yes, the same whose remains are over our heads right now. Unlike other items salvaged from the wreckage, the canister was never shown to the public, not even in the victory parades, and no reproduction was made for the museum . It has remained inside the College's vault for the last three centuries, along with the illithid brain it contains."
Now that attracted the party's full attention.
"By Moradin's hammer!" Baltika exclaimed. "Three hundred years! A hundred short of a whole dwarven lifespan! I didn't know those squidheads could last that long!"
"They don't," Lilith said. "The alchemic solution can keep the brain alive indefinitely, as long as it's renewed periodically."
Emma crossed his arms and wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"I don't get it," she grumbled. "Why would those crazy mages keep the noggins of a mindflayer for so long?"
"They wanted to pry it for information," Drogan explained. "The location of the nearest colonies, how many more nautiloids they have, details about their biology and what kills them… anything that we could use to defend the city from future raids. However, according to Kassan, in the very first communication attempt they discovered that the brain was unresponsive, as our elven friend explained just a moment ago."
"And do they have any leads? Any idea of who could be behind the theft?"
The elder dwarf shook his head.
"That's the eerie part," he said. "The culprit snuck in and out of the vault without triggering the many magical defenses of the College. He, or she, or it left no clues, no trace that could be followed."
"Perhaps…" a thoughtful Lilith suggested. "Perhaps they used a teleportation spell."
"Impossible. The vault is magically protected. Teleportation spells and planar gates don't work inside, nor can they get you in. Unless, of course, the thief is a being of unmeasurable power, like a god or an archfiend; but if that's the case, then we can kiss the canister goodbye," Drogan let out a long sigh as he scratched the back of his head. "Needless to say, the existence of the illithid brain must remain a secret. That's the only reason why my paladins aren't combing the streets right now, looking for the damn thing. I thought that a small group of adventurers, such as yours, could do this task without attracting too much attention. Of course, the mages have promised a hefty reward."
Kenneth, who until then had remained silent and in the background, took a step forward and spoke:
"You said they don't have any leads. What are we supposed to do? How can we find the canister if we don't even know where to start looking?"
"Well, there is someone who might help," the old dwarf said as he stroked his beard one more time. "A fellow dwarf by the name of Modo. He's the College's gardener and I know for a fact that he often works until late. It's possible that he saw something the night of the theft."
"Wait," Emma intervened. "If he is a possible witness, how come the mages didn't ask him?"
"Oh, they did, but I'm afraid they're too… polite to deal with good old Modo," the elder paladin chuckled. "He's a very unique individual. Hard-working as a bee, but also stubborn as a mule. He doesn't sell his secrets cheap, not even to the ones who put food on his table, and has little patience for brainiacs. Perhaps you'll manage to get on his good side."
"Where can we find him?"
"At this hour he's usually in the merchant district, having breakfast in the Dancing Tiefling tavern."
"So," Shinji said, "I take it that you accept the quest?"
Asuka slammed a fist against the table, which caused all the nearby bowls of snacks to wobble. There was fire in her blue eyes.
"Zum Teufel, ja!" she exclaimed, with an eager grin. "We're going to find that thief and kick him right in the Armor Class!"
"We'll recover the stolen brain!" Hikari declared, sharing the enthusiasm. "We'll save the city and continue the legacy of Sir Borwald!"
"Finally," Kensuke smirked. "Werewolf time is getting closer!"
"I call dibs on the thief's liver, pancreas and heart," Rei announced. "I need those to do... things. Warlock things."
"Sorry, what are we doing now?" Touji asked. "It's kinda hard keeping up with so many weird names."
To be continued…
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AUTHOR'S NOTES
I feel that this chapter isn't as funny as the first one, but I couldn't resist doing some worldbuilding. I hope I didn't abuse too much of the purple prose. Also, tell me if I've made a mistake describing how Persuasion rolls works. I've been reading the rules, but I might have gotten some things wrong.
I've been using poor Touji as a punching bag, I know. Don't worry, he'll get his time to shine. Likewise, the other players will suffer embarrasing moments sometime in the future. Also, from what I've read, rogues start with bows, not crossbows. We'll asume that Shinji's using house rules to allow that. I don't know, I think crossbows suit Touji better.
The concept of Mindflayers Fall was inspired by the cinematic intro of Baldur's Gate 3. By the way, is that name correct? Or should it be Mindflayers' Fall, with an apostrophe?
You might be wondering why Rei's character is the only evil one. Warlocks used to have alignment restrictions (3rd Edition, if I'm not mistaken) and could only be Evil and/or Chaotic. I like this rule, so I'm using it. Rei doesn't strike me as the type of person who would make a Chaotic character, not even Chaotic Good; so she choose Lawful Evil because it's usually considered the least vile of all the evil alignments.
'Diustic' is an Old High German word meaning 'of the people' and, according to Wikipedia, is the origin of the name 'Deutschland.' Because Asuka always has to be German, even in a fantasy world where Germany doesn't exist.
And yes, the brain canister is a thing. Page 67 of the supplement Lord of Madness (3.5 Edition)
HONEST QUESTION: Do you think I should add an OOC warning to the fic's description?
Many thanks to everyone who followed, favorited and/or reviewed the story, I'm glad you like it. Before we go, I'd like to give special thanks to Lexarius for answering my questions and for all the help; and to Author0fntent for pointing me in the direction of 'The Gamers' and its sequel 'The Gamers: Dorkness Rising'. I had a lot of fun watching those movies and they will be a huge source of inspiration.
See you in the next chapter!
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GLOSSARY OF D&D WORDS:
Mindflayers/Illithids: Brain-eating, octopus-headed psychic humanoids that might or might not come from the future. They reproduce by introducing their tadpoles into people's brains through a process called 'ceremorphosis.'
Ulitharid: Mindflayer on steroids.
Nautiloid ships: Giant organic flying ships that can travel between dimensions. They (sort of) look like the real-life mollusk Nautilus, and that's where they get their name.
Ilmater: In the Forgotten Realms setting, the Lawful Good god of endurance, perseverance, martyrdom and suffering (as in 'to carry the pain and burdens of others so that they don't suffer anymore.')
Ihys: The god who gave free will to mortals. Unlike Ilmater and Moradin, he comes Pathfinder, not from Dungeons&Dragons. Also, he's supposed to be dead. Mmmh… just what is Shinji planning?