I wasn't planning to have another one ready so soon, but I had a bolt of inspiration and I didn't want it to go to waste.
Hope you like it!
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BAKAS&BEHOLDERS
Now with 30% more bakas!
III
You Do (Not) Meet in an Inn – Part 2
Before the attack of the illithids, back when the city still answered to the name of Silvervein, the merchant district was close to the temples, because it seemed the most optimal place. That way, both citizens and visitors wouldn't have to walk too far after the services to buy some snacks, or pastries, or fine clothes, or weapons… And indeed, for many centuries, the local businesses flourished thanks to that strategy.
Once the raid was thwarted and it came the time of rebuilding, the owners and entrepreneurs insisted that their shops were to be relocated around the largest of the wrecked nautiloids, the future great cathedral of Mindflayers Fall. They believed that their strategy would work once again, that the aberrant-turned-holy place would become the new heart of the city and that they would benefit from the large influx of potential clients. However, as it turned out, the gigantic temple ended up being the second most visited place. The first was the museum.
While the ship that made its foundations wasn't as big as the cathedral's, it received twice as many people, especially tourists. Perhaps the reason was that, unlike the other nautiloids, the museum had barely been modified. It retained most of its alien and monstrous shape, both on the inside and on the outside, and thus was of great interest for mages and scholars, even three centuries later. It also conserved several of its gigantic tentacles, petrified by the local wizards in order to prevent rot. Thicker than any column, the tendrils had become part of the city's landscape, arching over the nearby buildings or acting as walls between streets. Architects from neighboring kingdoms would often arrive to behold the massive stone tentacles, wishing to design something similar. But he main attraction were, of course, the many illithid artifacts inside the museum. Well, their reproductions, actually. Most of the originals had been sold, lost or so damaged by time that they were now stored safely in the College's vault.
After realizing this, the storeowners decided to take action. In a process that gave headaches to the city council, a large chunk of the merchant district was relocated again, this time around the always crowded, and thus profitable, museum. The businesses grew in just a few decades, to the point that entrepreneurs from other kingdoms, and even other continents, arrived to make money. There were so many new shops, with so many different and exotic products, that a popular chant was soon being sung about the city:
Anything and everything, expensive or small, is sold in the markets of Mindflayers Fall.
Passing under one of the arched stone tentacles, the five adventurers walked into the busy streets of the merchant district. Left and right, most of the buildings were grocery stores, butcher shops, armories, tailor shops, jewelry stores, bakeries and barbershops. The party quickly scanned the area for a tavern sign. They only found three, hidden between the many stores, but none of them was the Dancing Tiefling.
The adventurers almost had to squeeze their way through the crowd. While the streets were wide, quite a lot of space was occupied by the stalls of all the merchants who couldn't afford a proper establishment. This, coupled with the absurd amount of people present that morning, meant that the simple act of moving forward was far more difficult than it should be.
"You know," Kensuke suggested, "if I were to turn into a werewolf right now, I bet that the crowd would disperse in a second."
"No," Hikari, Asuka and Rei forbade him, speaking in perfect unison.
The party kept going, still seeking for the desired tavern. Around them, the owners of the stalls announced their products, yelling at the top of their lungs so that their voices could be heard above the noise of the busy street.
"Rare alabaster!" a half-elf announced, holding a tiny effigy made of said material. "From the mines of I-Shpania! I have cups, plates, sculptures and busts!"
In the stall to his right, a dwarf with a thick black beard showcased an urn-shaped container over his head.
"A filigreed samovar once owned by the tsars of Ruthenia!" he was saying. "Good as new!"
From inside a small and improvised forge, a male half-orc, dressed in the garments of a blacksmith, waved his hammer as he spoke:
"Get your armor here! Chain, scale and plate! Made only with the best steel!"
"And there's more!" a smiling female halfling appeared behind him. "For just an extra silver piece, we'll engrave a personalized motto on your chestplate!" She gestured towards a displayed breastplate, which showed the message 'I went to Mindflayers Fall and all I got was this lousy armor.'
"Spices!" another halfling yelled, at the other side of the street. "Black pepper, saffron, cinnamon and many more!"
"Herbsssss!" a lizardman hissed from inside a rudimentary but functional stall. "Collected in the ssssouthern sssswamp! Herbsssss for your potionsssss! Pay with food, not usssseless metalsssss!"
"Bone and chitin weapons!" a human woman announced. She was tall and muscular, and wore tribal tattoos on her skin. "Arrows made from manticore spikes! These blades were once the legs of a sword spider!"
"Woodcarvings!" a gnome called to the passerby. "Depictions of historical events, carved in fine wood by professionals! The perfect decoration for your living room! We have the demise of Architheuxil, the founding of Silvervein and the coronation of Empress Aki of Yamato! Would you like something a little more cosmic? Here we have a carving showing the defeat of Rovagug, the Eater of Planes! Only eight silver pieces!"
Had they not been on a quest, the five adventurers would have take their time visiting each and every one of the stalls, eyeing the different products. Alas, they could not delay. They had to meet with Modo before he finished his breakfast and abandoned the district.
"Why?" Touji inquired.
The rest of the table locked their eyes on him. Asuka was already frowning and opening her mouth, ready to lay a verbal smackdown on the athlete for daring to interrupt with asinine questions. However, and much to everyone's surprise, the jock's next words were not a disdain of the game:
"No, I mean it: why the rush? We know where the guy works, in that school for wizards. If we don't catch him here, we can always search for him there. Why don't we take it easy, walk around the market and buy what we need?"
The other four players exchanged looks of utter shock. They couldn't believe that Touji Suzuhara, the same Touji Suzuhara who needed to be reminded of their current task because he couldn't keep up with all the fantasy names; had not only made a logical reasoning, but also a very good suggestion.
Behind his screen, Shinji rested his elbows on the table and interlocked his fingers, adopting a pose quite similar to the one his father used to make. It was something he had avoided for the past two years, hating himself every time he did it without realizing. It had taken time, professional help and long talks with Misato and Asuka to finally dawn on him that he was not Gendo Ikari. No matter how many times he adopted that pose, he wasn't. No matter how much he could look like him as he grew up, he would never be. He was Shinji Ikari. Nothing more, nothing less.
Since then, the boy had no problems mimicking the body language of the former Commander. It helped that he only did it during the games and, unlike his father, he smiled a lot more. Asuka had commented, on one occasion, that the key difference was that Gendo adopted that pose to be unreadable and to intimidate everyone else. Meanwhile, Shinji did it to show that he was pleased with something.
Right now, the former Third Child was very pleased to see his best friend finally getting into the game.
"Shinji," his girlfriend looked at him. "Do I need to roll History if I want to know something about the city?"
"Depends on what you want to know," he answered.
"Only if the College of Wizardry is too far away."
"You don't need a roll for that. Your character has been living in Mindflayers Fall for a while and knows where the most important buildings are. The College is not exactly close, but you can get there in less than twenty minutes by foot."
Thoughtful, Asuka drummed on her chin with her index finger.
"Jock stooge has a point," she said. "Besides, we're technically working for the mages. We shouldn't have any problems getting inside the College anytime we want, especially if it's just to ask some questions."
"Wait," Kensuke called. Judging by the expression on his face, he had realized about something important. "There's a problem. We might know where Modo works, but not when. Today could be his day off. Maybe, once he finishes his breakfast, he'll go to his house, and we have no idea where that is!"
"We can ask the mages," Hikari suggested. "They're his bosses; they should know where he lives, right?"
"We could," Rei intervened, "but that seems like an excessive amount of work, especially considering that Modo is in our close vicinity. Not to mention, asking around could be an unnecessary delay. We should be efficient with our actions. I propose we find him first. We can always buy equipment later."
The players exchanged more looks and, after a moment of silent consideration, nodded. Even Touji seemed convinced.
"Meh," he shrugged. "It was worth a shot. Shin-man, I guess we're back to looking for that tavern."
"Very well," the Dungeon Master said, "but it was a very good observation, Touji. Keep it up."
It didn't take them too long to find the place. A wooden sign hung above the door, with the words 'The Dancing Tiefling' written in crimson letters. The D and the second T had tiny horns and arrow-tipped tails coming out of them. On the outside it seemed no different than the standard tavern, with only one story and a roof made of red tiles. The door had bi-directional hinges and it was large, designed to allow passage to clients of all sizes. Emma opened it with both hands and the party made its way inside.
Blackened logs burned in a fireplace of stone. The stuffed heads of many different creatures decorated the walls: deer, boars, owlbears, krenshars, a couple of cockatrices and an amphisbaena. Although it was early in the morning, nearly all the tables were already occupied, with most of the clients eating breakfast. After a quick visual scan of the establishment, the party identified some off-duty guards, recognizable because their shields had the city's coat of arms: an illithid head pierced by three silver spears. They also saw a gnome talking with a half-orc, both apparently adventurers like themselves. On another table, three hooded figures prayed before taking the first bites. An elven bard played her lute next to the fireplace for a small group of humans and dwarves. Not too far away, a female dwarf entertained her friends with some magic tricks. A few feet to their left, two other dwarfs seemed to be discussing the purchase of some gems.
"Which one is Modo?" Thomas whispered, but his companions had no answer.
Before they could take a step further, a young barmaid in a cerulean dress approached them. She pranced across the stone floor, avoiding the small poodles of mead and ale without even looking. In a final, graceful hop, the girl landed right in front of the adventurers.
"Well met!" she greeted them, with a beaming smile. "Welcome to The Dancing Tiefling! I believe we still have a table large enough to accommodate five people. Let me guide you to it."
The barmaid looked like a human, but her skin was silvery, even down to having a metallic gleam. Her eyes glowed with a topaz-yellow light, and her long hair was as white as snow, despite the fact that she seemed no older than eighteen.
Lilith studied the girl, from the head to the toes, and then said:
"You are an aasimar."
"A what now?" Touji asked.
The other players reacted to that question with a mixture of groans, sighs and shaking of heads. Hikari buried her face in her hands and mumbled a 'He was doing so well…'
Only Rei kept her cool. Not only that, she provided an explanation:
"An aasimar is the descendant of a union between a human and a good-aligned being from the Outer Planes, usually an angel," Ayanami stared at the center of the table as she thought about it for a second. Then, her lips bent into a tiny smile. "Ha. It is funny because the tavern is called 'The Dancing Tiefling.'"
"I don't get it."
"Oh mein Gott, stooge!" an annoyed Asuka exclaimed. "A tiefling is someone who has a devil among their ascendancy! Didn't you read the pdf we sent you?"
"First of all, obviously I didn't!" Touji yelled back. "Second, why do they give a weird name to everything? They should just call them 'half-demons' or something!"
"Devils!" the redhead insisted.
"Who cares? They're the same thing!"
"That is incorrect," Rei intervened. "In the cosmology of Dungeons&Dragons, devils are Lawful Evil beings who reside in the Nine Hells of Baator. Demons, on the other hand, are Chaotic Evil and dwell in the Abyss."
After that revelation, Touji's face twisted into a grimace of disbelief.
"You're kidding," he said. "This nerd game has two afterlives full of devils and demons? Wasn't one Hell enough?"
A dead silence hung over the table for a few seconds. Then, Rei took a deep breath.
"Actually, the number of dimensions that could be considered 'Hell' in the Great Wheel Cosmology goes up to seven. These are commonly known as 'The Lower Planes.' If we go counter-clockwise, first we have Acheron, which connects, clockwise, with the Lawful Neutral plane of Mechanus. Next to Acheron we find the aforementioned Nine Hells of Baator, a plane of Lawful Evil and home of the devils. After that there is Gehenna which, much like Acheron, stands as a middle point between two alignments. In this case, the Lawful Evil of Baator and the Neutral Evil of Hades. This last one is inhabited by a race of fiends called 'yugoloths.' Next…"
Touji let out a long and painful groan, unable to stop what he had inadvertently unleashed. Hikari, on the other hand, paid attention to every word that came out of Rei's mouth, her eyes sparkling with child-like wonder. Kensuke looked at his wristwatch. Asuka and Shinji smiled, happy to know that someone had read the pdf.
"…and now, to prevent further confusions from arising in the future, I shall go over the seven dimensions which could be considered 'Heaven,' commonly known as 'The Upper Planes.' Starting from Limbo, and once again going counter-clockwise, we first find Ysgard, the meeting point between the Chaotic Neutral and Chaotic Good alignments. After that…"
All of it, apparently.
The young aasimar stared at Lilith, studying her just as the blue-haired elf had done, and her smile faded. She frowned, as the glow of her topaz eyes intensified.
"And you…" she said, merriment no longer in her voice. "You have been touched by the Far Realm."
Barmaid and warlock exchanged glares in a tense silence. While Lilith's expression remained calm, her companions noticed that she was clenching her fists, ever so slowly.
Then, a wide and friendly smile appeared on the aasimar's face.
"No problem!" she said, cheerful once again. "All clients are welcome here, as long as they don't cause troubles. Besides, grandappy Israfel says that we can't judge people based on their appearance, bloodline or magic powers."
"Really, Shinji?" Asuka asked, unamused. "Israfel? Of all the names you could've chosen, you go with that one?"
"What can I say?" the Dungeon Master shrugged. "I guess I have a soft spot for him. Or should it be 'them'?"
"What? You have a soft spot for the giant monster that buried my Eva in the ground head-first?"
The boy let out a tiny, timid chuckle.
"Not for that," he smiled. "Asuka, Israfel was the reason we started to live in the same house."
The sapphire eyes of the German girl widened as her cheeks started to turn red.
"You know," Shinji continued, "sometimes I wonder if we would've ended up together anyway, even if we hadn't shared an apartment for most of the war. I like to think that we would have, but…" he shook his head. "It doesn't matter now. What matters is that I love you. I love being with you and I'm glad that we got to live under the same roof since the beginning. I know that Israfel was our enemy, but I felt that I needed to do this. It's my last thanks to the Angel who got me closer to my angel."
"Aaaaaw," Hikari said. "That's so romantic!"
Asuka's whole face had acquired the color of her long-gone Unit-02. Her eyes were locked into Shinji's and she didn't move a muscle, like a deer in the headlights.
After a while, she managed to regain control of her muscles and stood up.
"L-Look at what you've done!" she complained, trying to sound angry. "You're not supposed to embarrass your girlfriend in public, Stupid Shinji!"
Her face still red, she walked next to the former Third Child and started to punch him in the shoulder.
Actually, that is inaccurate. It wasn't really 'punching', more like 'angrily poking him with her fists.'
"You're gonna pay for that!" Asuka declared. "Take this! And this, and this, and this, Idiot Shinji!"
The boy protected himself the best he could, unable to hold back the laughter. He sunk a little further in his chair with each hit, and his girlfriend followed suit so that he could not escape. When both of them were completely hidden behind the Dungeon Master's Screen, the sound of punching was replaced by smooching noises.
"No table is needed, my good fellow," Baltika said, taking the lead of the party for a moment. "We're not here to eat or drink, but to speak with the gardener of the College of Wizardry, if he's still here."
At those words, the smile of the barmaid widened even more.
"Oh! Are you friends of Modo?" she asked.
"Not really, but we don't mean him any harm. We just want to talk," Baltika raised a hand. "I swear on my honor as a paladin of Moradin."
"I will take you to him, then. Follow me."
The adventurers walked behind the barmaid. Sadly, they lacked her grace and familiarity with the place, and thus had a harder time avoiding all the poodles of mead. Lilith grabbed her skirt and pulled it up a little, just in case. Kenneth started to consider the possibility of buying shoes, especially after stepping on a drooled half-eaten sausage.
"So," Emma talked to their guide, "what's Modo like?"
"He's one of our best clients," the aasimar replied. "Very respectful and friendly with the staff, and leaves generous tips."
The barmaid guided them to a tiny square table in a corner of the establishment. There, a lone dwarf chugged down the contents of a wooden tankard. His beard was thick but short, and just like his hair, red like fire. A straw hat with a few holes rested on the table, at his left. He wore a leather apron over old and worn-out clothes.
With a bow, the young aasimar bid farewell to the party. As she went away, the adventurers approached Modo. Not wishing to start off the wrong foot, they decided to let him finish his drink.
Letting out a satisfied sigh, the gardener slammed the empty tankard against the table and cleaned his mouth with his own sleeve. It was then that he noticed the five strangers staring at him. Modo eyed them, with not too much curiosity, and let out a long and loud burp.
"Ye want somethin'?" he croaked.
"Are you drunk?" a horrified, disgusted and quite offended Baltika asked.
The gardener burst in laughter at that accusation.
"Drunk?" he replied. "Ha! How could I be drunk already? This is only me fourth pint! What do ye think I am, one of 'em namby-pamby elves? HA HA HA HA!" and he slapped his own knee with each cackle.
The adventurers exchanged confused glances, wondering what the barmaid understood for 'respectful'. Emma took a step further and cleared her throat.
"We were sent by Drogan Brasshelms," she said. "We would like to know if you saw anything suspicious the night of the theft. You know, the..." the fighter looked around, to make sure that nobody was eavesdropping. "The theft in the College's vault. "
Upon hearing that, Modo's laughter stopped, and his face twisted into a very unfriendly expression.
"I see," he snarled. "Those wand-tooting, pajama-wearing spellspitters couldn't get nuthing from old Modo, so they went cryin' to the paladins like wee babies. And I guess Mr. I'm So Lawful Good That White Doves Come Out Of Me Arse Brasshelms was too busy to come 'ere himself, wasn't he?"
Four of the adventurers looked at their feet, and went pale when they saw what they feared would happen: Baltika stomping her way towards the table. Thomas and Kenneth acted quickly and grabbed her arms, but they only managed to slow her down, and not even that much.
"You dare speak ill of my master?" the female paladin yelled.
"Aye," Modo answered, nonchalantly, as he used his pinky's nail to pick something in his teeth. "What're ye gonna do aboot it?"
The freckled dwarf seemed ready to jump on the table and strangle the gardener. Emma and Lilith joined their companions in pulling her back, while Baltika yelled in her mother tongue. No one else in the party had knowledge of the dwarven language, but they suspected that they were words that a paladin wasn't supposed to use. Eventually, they managed to calm her down, but Emma decided that it would be best to take control of the situation. Thus, the red-haired fighter approached the table and stood there, glaring down at Modo. The gardener crossed his arms over his chest and stared daggers back at her.
"Did the mages tell you was what stolen?" she asked.
"Aye. An old spittoon with the noggins of one of 'em squidheads. So what?"
"Aren't you worried that such a vile thing is out there, in the hands of a thief? What if he sells it to mad necromancer? It could bring calamity to the city! Maybe even to the kingdom!"
"Meh," Modo shrugged in disinterest. "I'll deal with that when it happens."
Frowning, Emma tried a different approach:
"Aren't the mages your bosses? They might fire you if you don't collaborate."
"HA!" the dwarf's cackle thundered across the whole tavern. "Fire me? Lass, I've been workin' in that College for one hundred and eighty eight years, and not just as the gardener. I also clean the latrines, unplug the pipes, fix the roof, reinforce the walls, take out the rubbish, kill the rats and make sure that they never run out of ink and paper. There's nobody else in this bloody continent who can take care of that place better than me, and those magic-missile-slingers know it. They can't afford to fire me!"
The fighter looked back at the party and gave them a worried shrug of 'This one's going to be hard to crack.'
Baltika, seemingly calmer, walked to the table and pointed an accusatory finger at the gardener.
"I can't ignore your words of disrespect towards my master," she said, with a harsh tone in her voice. "You have insulted my order, my family. For that, I should bring down the wrath of Moradin upon you. However…" the paladin dragged a chair and sat. "I have decided to grant you mercy. We shall settle this in a more secular and traditional dwarven way."
"Oh?" Modo raised an interested eyebrow. "What do ye propose?"
"Ask for ten tankards of their finest mead. Five for each, you against me. Let's see who can hold their liquor better."
"Now that's more like it!" grinning, Modo slapped his knee. "Alrite, let's do this! If ye win, I'll not only answer yer dumb questions, I'll take back everythin' I said about Drogan!"
A few minutes later, ten tankards were in the table, right between the two dwarves. The gardener went first, finishing his drink in just a few gulps. He slammed the empty tankard against the wood and grinned with malice as a few drops of meads ran down his short beard.
Smiling with confidence, Baltika grabbed her own tankard and did the same.
About ten seconds after that, her forehead met with the table.
"Sorry, Hikari," Shinji said. "A 1 is an automatic failure, regardless of your modifiers."
"Aw…" she hunched, dejectedly gazing at her die.
"Modo is laughing now," the Dungeon Master continued, addressing the other players. "What do you want to do?"
"Wait!" Asuka exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with the twinkle of an idea. She then pointed at Kensuke and added: "You're a druid! The spell Charm person is available to druids during character creation! If Modo fails a Wisdom save, he'll think of us as friendly acquaintances and tell us anything we want! Stooge, please tell me that you picked at least one Charm person!"
The geek looked at his character sheet and answered:
"I'm afraid not. My three starting spells are Cure Wounds, Cure Wounds and… Cure Wounds."
"That's the dumbest spell selection I've ever seen!"
"Actually…" Shinji dared to intervene, raising a finger. "If he had Charm person, he would be detained as soon as he tried to cast it. The Enchantment school of magic is outlawed in this world. All mind-altering spells are, really."
"Enchantment school?" Touji repeated. "What's that?"
He covered his mouth with both hand as soon as he realized what he had done, but alas, it was too late. The jock looked at his left and saw, in horror, that Rei Ayanami had already started explaining:
"In the world of Dungeons&Dragons, each spell belongs to one of the eight known schools of magic. The Enchantment school focuses on influencing the minds of sentient creatures, be it through the manipulation of emotions, the alteration of memories or the suppression of the target's free will. The other seven schools are Abjuration, Conjuration, Divination, Evocation, Illusion, Transmutation and Necromancy. Ex-pilot Suzuhara, please stop hitting yourself with that bottle of soda. It costed me 346 yen."
Asuka turned to the Dungeon Master.
"Why did you do that, Shinji?" she asked.
"Honestly? The very concept of Enchantment scares me. Think about it: a wizard can, at any moment, make you think that he is an old friend of yours. Or he can put you to sleep, or force you to obey his orders, or make you laugh against your will or even alter your memories! Barring a Wisdom save, you can't do anything to stop him. And in some cases, once the spell fades, you remember everything that happened while you were under his thrall."
The German girl shuddered, uncomfortable all of the sudden.
"Yeah," she sighed, crossing her arms. "When you put it like that, it kind of is. Does this mean that clerics can't bless people anymore? Blessings belong to the Enchantment school."
"I took care of that," Shinji explained. "In this universe, Bless, Aid, Good Hope and similar clerical spells are part of the Abjuration school. The idea is that they work more like spiritual shields, they don't really alter the target's mind."
"Oh, well," the redhead shrugged. "It's your game, you're the Dungeon Master. But why didn't you tell us sooner?
"Um…" her boyfriend smiled in embarrassment. "I guess I forgot. I was so excited that we're finally playing together… It totally slipped my mind."
Asuka rolled her eyes. Then, she pinched his nose.
"Way to go, dummy."
"Ouch."
"I take back what I said. You're the Dummy Master."
"Ouch. Sworry. Ouch."
"So," she released him, "stooge and Wondergirl are not allowed to use any mind-altering spells?"
"Only if they have a written permit from the local archmage, the senior member of a local paladin order and the local governor."
Kensuke, who had remained silent during the whole conversation, smirked as he pushed his glasses up.
"Well, well, well," he said, savoring every word. "The dwarven method has failed, it seems, as has diplomacy. No magic can help us, so I guess it's time to do things the awesome way. Shinji, I want to roll Intimidation."
"Okay."
Kensuke picked up his die, but instead of throwing it, the geek made it dance between his fingers.
"Do I get advantage?" he asked. "After all, I'm a werewolf. A bloodthirsty monster slumbers under my half-elven skin. Can I channel my inner beast to appear more frightening?"
"Sure, why not," Shinji shrugged. "You know what to do: two dice, pick the highest number."
Kensuke grabbed a second die and rolled both of them.
The highest number was a 3.
"Now listen here!" Kenneth said, approaching the table and pointing at Modo's face. "Your manners are uncouth and you smell! You're being a very, very nasty dwarf; and if you don't answer our questions, I'll send a complaint to the archmage!"
"Come on, man," Kensuke whined. "I have a modifier of +2 in Charisma!"
"Still not enough," Shinji shook his head. "The Difficulty Class for intimidating him is 16. Even if you had proficiency, with a roll that low you wouldn't succeed. In fact, it was so bad that Modo is actually angrier than before. Asuka, could you play his part for a moment?"
"Sure thing, Knutschkugel."
The gardener jumped on the table and looked at Kenneth directly in the eyes.
"'Uncooth?'" he asked, foaming at the mouth. "'Nasty?' Ye call those 'insults,' ya namby-pamby, potato-dressed, tree-kissin' milk-drinker? Me mute grandma could throw better insults, and she's been pushin' up daisies for two centuries!"
Before Kenneth could even think of a reply, Modo grabbed him by the neck of his ragged shirt and pulled him closer. So close, in fact, that the poor druid could smell the alcohol in his breath.
"Who taught ye to intimidate?" the dwarf continued, his voice gaining more volume with each word. "Was it the same spastic bugbear who did that badly-trimmed, bug-ridden wattle shrub ye call a hair? Or perhaps ya learned from a bunch o' bloody pixies frolicking aboot in a piss poodle? By Bahamut's blessed blisterin' buttscales; I've eaten haggis more threatenin' than ye!"
"B-b-b-but…"
"What's da matter? Displacer beast got yer tongue? Or has that seed-sprinkled, berry-stuffed, glitter-barfing, limerick-composer brain of yours finally collapsed under the weight of its own fairy dust? Ye sound like a gelatinous cube chocking on an imploding kobold! Come on, half-elf, SPEAK UP! THROW MORE OF THOSE TEATIME INSULTS AT ME IF YA DARE!"
Kenneth's hair was pushed back by the dwarf's roaring voice as a shower of saliva hit his face.
"DID I STUTTER, YA FLUTE-KISSER? OR HAVE YE NO MORE NASTY WORDS FER OLD MODO? WELL, I WOULD TELL YA TO PUT YER FISTS UP AND COME AT ME LIKE A MAN, BUT IF YER PUNCHES ARE AS GOOD AS YER INSULTS, THEN I'D HAVE MORE FUN FIGHTING A SACK O' ANKHEG MANURE! OH, YE'RE A HALF-ELF ALRITE! HALF-ELF AND HALF-MILKSOP, WHICH I RECKON MAKES YE A COMPLETE ELF, SO WHAT'S YER BLOODY POINT?"
"I think you're having a bit too much fun with this," a long-faced Kensuke complained.
"Yes," Asuka replied, with an impish smile. "Yes I am, and I love it."
"Dungeon Master," Rei called. "I have proficiency in Intimidation. Should I give it a try?"
"You can if you want, but it's not going to be easy. Modo is so angry that the Difficulty Class for a successful Intimidation has been raised up to 25. For Persuasion, it's even higher. Not to mention, you're both a magic user and an elf, so you would roll with disadvantage."
In a surprising turn of events, Touji offered an idea:
"Should I shoot him with my crossbow?"
We never said it was a good one.
"No, Touji, you shouldn't," Shinji sighed. "You're Chaotic Good. You don't go around shooting civilians. Besides, the whole tavern and the city guard would go after you if you did that."
"And Baltika," Hikari added. "By the way, is she still unconscious?"
"The yelling woke her up, but she can barely stand still. It'll be a while before she's able to do anything other than wobble around."
"Great," Kensuke huffed. "We can't intimidate him, we can't persuade him, our paladin is drunk… We're out of options!"
"Nein, we're not."
The four players turned to stare at the German girl in hopeful anticipation.
"There's one thing we can try," Asuka declared. "Shinji, I want to challenge Modo to a strength competition. I'm not gonna persuade him, not gonna intimidate him, there are no strings attached; I just want to challenge him to an honest arm-wrestle. I imagine the DC for that is not as high, right?"
The Dungeon Master smiled. Shinji knew that his girlfriend would think of a solution, no matter how desperate the situation seemed. After three years of playing together, he had learned that the former Second Child was as much of a genius inside the game as out of it.
"Not, it is not," he said. "Modo is quite tense right now, so he will welcome any chance to blow off some steam. Do a normal Charisma roll."
The die bounced across the table. Once it stopped, its owner grinned in triumph.
Emma looked at the poor state her companions were in after facing the foul-mouthed dwarf. Baltika struggled to stand on her feet, her face red due to the effects of the alcohol. Thomas tried to help her as best as he could, but it wasn't easy because the paladin, in her drunken state, was getting a bit too giggly and grabby with him.
Just a couple of feet away, a profoundly insulted Kenneth cried in Lilith's shoulder, and the warlock patted his back as she consoled him.
"There, there," she was saying. "Just ignore the bad dwarf. None of what he said is true. You are not a flute-kisser."
The red-haired fighter decided to give it another try. She grabbed a chair and sat down, initiating a new duel of stares with Modo.
"What?" he asked. "Ye're gonna insult me, too? Well, I hope yers are better than the halfbreed's."
"I assure you, they are," Emma replied. "And I can dish them out in three languages."
"Oh, ye're a real brainiac, aren't ya?"
"Yes, I guess I am. After all, I graduated Diustic's University when I was only fourteen. However, I'm not here to brag or to give lectures. I think my paladin friend had the right idea: let's solve this in a more direct, traditional way. Now, you've proven that your stomach is strong, and your tongue sharp like a sword."
"I like ta think it's blunt like a mace, but go on."
Emma put her right elbow on the table and threw a defiant smirk to the dwarf.
"Let's arm wrestle," she said. "A simple test of strength, with no tricks. If you win, we leave in peace and pay for your drinks. If we win, you tell us everything we want to know."
Modo laughed and put his own right elbow on the table.
"Now ye're speaking me language, lass."
They gripped each other's hand.
"Alright, Asuka," Shinji said. "Roll Strength. The Difficulty Class is 19."
The redhead looked at her character sheet first. Emma had a modifier of +3 in Strength, which meant that she needed to roll a 16 or higher to succeed. She bit her lower lip. It wasn't too bad, but it could be much better.
'Let's do this,' the former Second Child thought as she threw her twenty-sided die. The icosahedron of fate bounced across the table, and the eyes of both the players and the Dungeon Master followed its every movement. They didn't dare to even blink.
The die clashed against one of the soda bottles, and the force of the impact sent it rolling in the opposite direction. Almost like the ball in a pinball machine, it bounced back and forth across the table, hitting glasses, pencils, the other bottles and the bowls of snacks; and losing a little more momentum with each bounce.
And then, at last, it stopped…
20
Asuka and Hikari stood up with so much energy that they knocked down their own chairs. Both girls screamed in excitement as they cheered the result of the roll, startling Touji and making him fall off his seat. Kensuke's jaw dropped in disbelief.
"That's your second Natural 20!" he exclaimed. "And so early in the game!"
"Well," Shinji chuckled, "you obviously succeed. Modo barely offers any resistance as you push his arm dowmmmmmmmh?!" was all he could say before Asuka cupped his cheeks and planted a long, long kiss on his lips.
In a single movement, Emma smashed his rival's arm against the wooden surface, and she did it with so much raw strength that the table snapped in two. Dragged by the force of the female fighter, Modo ended on the floor, surrounded by splinters. The tankards from his unfinished drinking duel with Baltika fell all around him, and soon the gardener was splashing in a large poodle of mead.
Emma raised her fist and cheered, but the joy soon turned into worry as she realized what she had done. From the corner of her eye, she saw the aasimar barmaid running in their direction. Not prancing with joy anymore, running. Judging from her expression, she wasn't very happy about the situation. However, before the angelic girl could start scolding Emma, a loud and satisfied laughter attracted the attention of both. The dwarven gardener, still lying in the mead pool, cackled at the top of his lungs.
"By Moradin's hairy ass; that was the best arm-wrestle I've had in decades!"
The barmaid forgot about Emma and helped Modo back on his feet. Using a cloth, she started to clean his face, but the dwarf, smiling at her like a grandfather would to his granddaughter, said:
"Ah, don't worry yer pretty head aboot this, lass. Old Modo is going to pay for the table and the drinks," he then approached the human fighter. "Hey! What's yer name?"
"Emma Alteisen of the Crimson Armor."
"Well, Miss Crimson Armor, ya made me kiss the floor thru an inch and a half of wood! Just like in the bar brawls of the good old days! HA HA HA HA!"
Hearing the gardener laugh in such a good mood, the other adventurers dared to approach, although Kenneth remained behind Lilith at all times.
"Alrite," Modo said. "I'll tell ya what I saw the night of the theft. I was in the garden, tending to the moon searchers. They're a special breed of rose that only blooms during a full moon, the wee picky bastards. So there I was, doin' the waterin' and the trimmin', when I took a peek at the clock tower and saw that it was eight past two in the morning. Nuthing unusual there. So, I trim and water a wee bit more, and when I look at the clock again, it marks half past three! An hour and a half of me life, gone the blink of an eye! I figured them bloody mages must be doin' experiments with time spells, so I went home for the night. Come the morrow, they discover that the canister is gone."
"Time spells?" Emma turned to look at Lilith. "Is such a thing possible?"
"Yes," the blue-haired elf answered. "There are spells that can manipulate the flow of time at a small scale, but they are so complicated that only an archmage is capable of casting them. However, I do not think that what happened was the product of temporal magic. I believe that Modo's mind was paralyzed, or his memories from that time slot erased."
The dwarf huffed.
"So, illegal mind hocus pocus, uh?" he snarled. "Just me luck."
"What about the mages?" Emma asked. "Did it happen to them, too?"
"HA! As it turned out, the spellspitters were asleep! All of 'em!"
"And the people guarding the vault?"
"What people? It was all traps and magics down there! All automated, no guards. Only the bursars can go into the vault, and only durin' the day. The archmage was mighty proud of all that security system. Well, look where that got him. Ha!" Modo scratched his ear. "Anyway, before I went home, I noticed somethin' a couple o' feet away, on the ground, somethin' that wasn't there before me brain skipped an hour and a bloody half! Ahem… sorry aboot that, lads…"
The dwarf took out an old, blue handkerchief from his pocket. He opened it and showed the party what was inside: a tiny yellow seed.
"Now," he continued, "I know what ye're thinkin': 'Oh, Modo is shocked to find a seed in a garden, the dumb dwarf.' Well, lemme tell ya this: I know every single plant that grows in me garden. I know the color of their flowers, the shape of their leaves, the depth of their roots… I even know the damn greenflies who feed on 'em, and I mean individually! So believe me when I say that none of me plants has produced this seed. It has come from outside the College."
"Do you know from where?"
"Aye. This seed belongs to a type of ivy that grows only in one place in the kingdom: Medusa's Wrath. My best guess is that, whoever messed with me brain and stole the canister, passed thru there, and this seed fell on his clothes without him noticing. Then, it fell on me garden as he fled," he returned the handkerchief to his pocket. "That's all I have to say aboot that night. Good luck to ye, Miss Crimson Armor and friends. If ya find the bastard who dared to play with me noggins, beat the crap outta him for Old Modo!"
As he turned around and walked towards the bar, the adventurers looked at each other with hopeful smiles. At last, they had a lead.
The party abandoned the tavern and returned to the marketplace, dragging a still pretty groggy Baltika with them. They were going to buy whatever equipment they deemed necessary for the quest, and as fast as they could. There was no time to waste.
Medusa's Wrath was waiting.
To be continued…
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AUTHOR'S NOTES
The beginning of the chapter is my little homage to the 1971 movie Bedknobs and Broomsticks, one of my childhood favorites. Specifically, it's a reference to the song "Portobello Road."
'I-Shpania' is, according to Wikipedia, a Phoenician name meaning 'land of rabbits.' It's one of the probable origins of the Roman name 'Hispania', which eventually became the modern 'Spain'. Spain has the world's largest exploitable deposits of alabaster.
'Ruthenia' is a Medieval Latin name used as a designation of the East Slavic regions, and most commonly, Russia. A samovar is a Russian container made of metal, traditionally used to boil water.
'Yamato' is what the ancient Japanese people called Japan. And yes, I chose 'Aki' because of The Second Try by JimmyWolk.
Knutschkugel is a German term of endearment that means 'smooch ball.' I thought it would be good for Asuka to have more pet names for Shinji other than 'dummy' and 'dummkopf.' Fun fact: Knutschkugel is also the common name of a type of car.
Modo shares his name (and only the name) with the dwarf gardener of the Unseen University, from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. I had a blast writing his dialogues. I was trying for a Scottish-like accent, let me know if I did it right.
In case you're wondering why Kensuke choose the same spell three times: mages, clerics and druids work with the rules of what's commonly known as 'Vancian magic' or 'Fire-and-forget magic.' They have to prepare each spell in advance, and once they use it, it's gone until they rest. Therefore, if a druid wants to have three Cure wounds avaliable, he has to memorize the spell thrice. The maximum number of preparations they can do for the same spell varies depending on the class and level.
Another fun fact: Before 4th Edition, warlocks were unique in that their spells had unlimited uses per day, at the cost being unable to learn more than 12, and from a very limited library. When 4th Edition came around, it gave at least one unlimited spell to all magic classes. I don't like this very much, I think it misses the point of having different kinds of spellcasters. Therefore, Shinji is going to bend the rules and mix the editions a bit, which means that only Lilith will have spells with unlimited uses.
As always, many thanks for the follows, the favorites and the reviews. Special thanks to Lexarius and Author0fntent for their constant help and feedback. I don't think this story would've gotten this far without them.
See you in the next chapter!
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GLOSSARY OF D&D WORDS:
Halfling: Hobbit. They're pretty much hobbits. In fact, in the very first publication of D&D in 1976, they were called 'hobbits.' After a lawsuit from the Tolkien state in 1977, the name was changed.
Owlbear: One of the most iconic D&D monsters, created all the way back in 1st Edition. As the name implies, it looks like a cross between an owl and a bear.
Krenshar: Similar to a leopard, except it can retract all the skin from its face. Supposedly, they do this to scare their prey.
Amphisbaena: A large snake with a second, fully-functional head on its tail.
Displacer beast: A six-legged panther with two long tentacles sprouting from its shoulder. It has the power to bend light, creating the illusion that it is several feet away from its actual position.
Gelatinous cube: Another iconic D&D monster. It's a giant cube of living jelly that dissolves people.
Ankheg: A giant insectoid monster that burrows through the ground. Its excrement is rich in minerals.
Bahamut: In the Forgotten Realms and Greyhawk settings, the Lawful Good dragon-god of justice, wisdom and good dragons.
Far Realm: In the cosmology of D&D, a nightmarish dimension of pure madness in the very edges of reality. Lots of tentacles, eyes and weird monsters everywhere.
Rovagug: In the Pathfinder universe, the Chaotic Evil god of destruction. This thing was so dangerous that all the other deities, good and evil, worked together to imprison him in the planet's core.
Hold on; something doesn't add up. Rovagug has many titles: The Rough Beast, The Great Destroyer, The Unmaker, The Worldbreaker… but 'The Eater of Planes' is not one of them.
It seems that Shinji has some lore to explain.