Author's note: Some swearing in this chapter and some good old fashioned angst.

Chapter 177 – Nothing Can Keep Us Apart

Prime P.O.V

Nothing can keep us apart
'Cause you are the one I was meant to find
It's up to you
And it's up to me
No one can say what we get to be
So why don't we rewrite the stars?
Changing the world to be ours..

Phoenix tilted her helm as she regarded me. ''What is it Prime?''

Her digits reached out to brush once more against my face, as if she was reassuring herself this was not a dream, and I was truly there beside her. I leant into her touch, savouring the feel of her before I gently clasped her digits in my servos and brought them to my dermas, kissing them. ''It is nothing Phoenix.'' I sent her a quick, apologetic smile. ''I am simply overwhelmed to have you by my side again.'' Internally, I winced at the possessive emphasis I placed on that word.

Phoenix lay on one of Rachet's operating gurneys in the Med Bay in Diego Garcia, preparing to undergo extensive repairs. My optics swept over her badly battered and damaged body and I fought back yet another growl of suffocating rage as I looked down at her face. /All my fault. I should NEVER have agreed to let her go/.

Though Phoenix's beautiful face had been badly damaged, her brown and gold flecked optics still burned brightly with fierce determination and her optical ridge raised in suspicion as she gazed up at me. ''You do know you are talking to an ex-human Prime, and a female one at that!'' She laughed and shook her helm slowly. ''Usually Optimus, when someone says, 'it's nothing', what they actually mean is, ''there most assuredly IS something wrong with me I just do not know how to put it into words yet. However, when I do, BOY are you gonna be hammered with 'em!'' I sent a weak smile in her direction and squeezed her servo tightly.

Her smile faded and she tilted her helm once more in the opposite direction as she regarded me carefully. ''It could also mean you are so angry and upset about something I have or have not done that you just can't bring yourself to talk about it yet because you are stewing over it.''

I shuttered my optics and shifted uncomfortably on my pedes as I held her servo in mine. After everything Phoenix had gone through these past few months, now was not the time to voice my insecurities. It seemed so petty, selfish, and almost pointless. And yet. As the image of Megatron reaching out for her, seeking her and MY Phoenix in turn reaching towards him, played once more on a seemingly endless, painful loop in my processor, I knew there was indeed something wrong with me.

I ''sighed'' out loud. ''Phoenix. There is nothing wrong with me, apart from the obvious distress and pain seeing you in this state,'' I gestured to her battered body with my free servo, ''causes me. Especially knowing there is nothing I can do to help you and given,'' my voice trailed off, ''I am the reason you were so badly injured.''

Phoenix reached out with her other servo and bid me look at her. I did so reluctantly. ''Ya know Optimus. Primus may have blessed you with broad shoulders to help carry the burden your role demands of you,'' I couldn't help snorting derisively at her comment. ''But I really do not know why you continue to insist on taking the blame for things that are out of your control!'' Phoenix stroked the side of my face gently before she chuckled teasingly. ''It's not very sexy you know.''

I raised an optic ridge at her. ''Thanks for the feedback. I'll bear that in mind Phoenix.''

Phoenix chuckled again before she shook her helm. ''You may have given me permission to go on my mission – after I very strongly and persistently nagged you to go – but everything that happened while I was gone, was a result of the decisions I made and let's not forget, the decisions Megatron made.''

I flinched at the mention of his name and felt myself withdraw from her touch. Phoenix narrowed her optics at me. For a moment, there was a heavy silence between us as what lay unspoken festered.

''Alright Phoenix,'' Rachet's voice shattered the silence as he appeared in the room. ''Time to patch you up. You ready?'' The smile on his face disappeared as he registered our body language. ''Prime? Phoenix? Is… everything okay?''

I nodded my helm and took a step towards the exit. ''Yes Rachet. Phoenix is tired and in desperate…''

''Need of some answers,'' her voice cut in and she began to sit up on her gurney, holding up a servo to silence any rebuke from Rachet. ''Rachet. I am sorry, but there is only one thing that currently needs repairing, and surprisingly, it is not me.''

''Phoenix,'' I began to address her, ''whatever has to be said between us can wait..''

''NO! It can't Prime!'' She had slowly risen to her pedes, placing her servos either side of her for support. She fixed me with a very steady gaze. ''You of all bots should know, especially after today, that none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.'' I tore my gaze away from her as a range of emotions washed over me at the pointed comment.

She shook her helm, a twisted and bitter expression formed on her face. ''I bet Starscream thought he would wake up from recharge today and carry on with his plans to overthrow Megatron and instate himself as Lord High Commander of the Decepticons.'' An almost crazed laugh erupted from her dermas as she rocked forward. ''Guess again Starscream! Ya dead mate!'' I took a step towards her. /Perhaps she was suffering from some kind of post-traumatic stress?/.

She snapped her optics towards me again, a fire blazing in them. ''I nearly died yesterday, you HAVE died, so no Prime.'' She shook her helm. ''We will NOT be waiting any longer to address what is clearly wrong with you. What is wrong between US.'' Her chest rose and fell as she grasped the side of the gurney and stared determinedly at me.

Out of the corner of my optic I noticed Rachet's helm moving from me to Phoenix and back again, clearly trying to gauge whom he should listen to. I nodded my helm slowly. ''Very well Phoenix.'' Without turning to address my friend and my medic I dismissed him. ''Rachet, would you be so kind as to give Phoenix and I some time alone?''

''Of course Prime,'' Rachet nodded and then smiled at Phoenix. ''Phoenix''. He turned to exit the Med Bay before pausing. ''While I know whatever it is you have to discuss is of great importance, I would advise you not to take too long. Phoenix's injuries..''

''Can fucking well wait Rachet,'' Phoenix continued to stare at me.

Rachet's expression darkened for a moment, as he closed his optics to try and manage his mounting frustration. ''Very well Phoenix. They can wait.'' With that he turned on his pedes and exited the room, the doors slamming shut behind him.

The silence was deafening as we stared at each other. /How did we get to this?/. The thought echoed in my processor and my spark felt heavy as I stared across the room at the one I loved with every fiber of my being. Yet in this moment between us there was more frustration, confusion, anger and fear that swirled between us than love.

Phoenix gingerly folded her arms across her chest, carefully avoiding the gaping hole his sword had made. I tensed yet again. ''So. I say again Optimus. What is it? There is something about me that is eating away at you and if you don't tell me, it is going to eat away at me too!''

I too folded my arms across my chest, mirroring her actions, and ground my words out. ''I told you Phoenix. I feel at fault for your injuries, and I am relieved to have you back with us, with me.''

''Bullshit!'' She shot back. ''Don't lie to ME Optimus!'' The flames in her optics flared brightly before they simmered down, and her voice dropped to a whisper. ''Please. Not to me.''

I stared at her, my spark twisting painfully as I heard the hurt in her voice. I tore my gaze away from her as I shifted on my pedes again. ''I… I was afraid Phoenix. I still am. Terrified that I might lose you.'' I began to pace about the room agitatedly. ''That you will be taken from me, and I will be powerless to stop it!'' That was indeed true. ''When Megatron held that cannon to your helm, that wild and cold look in his optics as he screamed, ''Time for you.. to die..'' I stopped pacing and clenched my servos tightly, the moment flaring to life once more in my memory. ''Phoenix,'' I closed my optics and fought to stay upright. ''I thought he was going to kill you. I thought I was about to watch you die!''

A feather light touch drew my attention as Phoenix had closed the distance between us and placed her servos gently on my face, stroking my cheeks. ''Oh Optimus.'' She requested I lower my helm and I obliged. Very gently she placed a kiss on my forehead and then my dermas. Sighing out loud once more, she grunted. ''To be honest so did I.'' A look of wonder descended on her features as she shook her helm. ''You know Optimus. I still do not understand why Megatron chose to spare me over Starscream. Especially after what I did to him.'' I felt my body tense and I removed her servos from my face, stepping out of her reach once more.

Phoenix's expression hardened. ''And so, we get to the real issue of what is eating away at you Prime.'' She folded her arms across her chest once more. ''I think I know, but out with it.''

I felt the snide comment rising within me and I was powerless to stop it as it tumbled out of my dermas. I growled the accusation out to her. ''I saw the way he looked at you Phoenix in that moment. The way he reached for you, but more importantly, the way you reached towards him!'' All at once a feeling of anger, fear and jealousy slammed into me like a titanium wall. /It would seem it was not only death I was terrified of losing my Phoenix to/.

Phoenix started at my words, shuttering her optics, though she said nothing for the moment. I looked away from her, unwilling to see her answer to my question in her optics. My shoulders slumped and I felt my servos clench by my sides as I whispered what deeply troubled my spark. ''Perhaps mine is not the only spark you have captured?''

For a moment it seemed as though Phoenix was about to erupt in anger at the sheer audacity and hurtful suggestion that she could possibly see Megatron in such a light and that she would do anything to lose my trust in her. Instead, she merely ex-vented softly and shook her helm as she pinched the bridge of her olfactory sensor.

I closed my optics as I forced the final question out of my dermas. ''Do I alone still possess your spark?'' As I stood awaiting her reply, I felt a wry smile form on my dermas. It would seem even Prime's are not above petty jealousy and a part of me was mortified I had even questioned Phoenix's love for me, but I had to know. That dark, jealous, insecure, and possessive corner of my spark had to be assured that she was mine and mine alone! There is no one I would bare my spark and my flaws to so willingly, so openly. None but her.

And now I waited. For her judgement, her reply.

Her shoulders seemed to shake as her face was hidden behind her servo. /Was she angry?/. I tensed. Then I heard it. /She was laughing!/.

''Is THIS what was eating at you?'' She shook her helm in disbelief. ''You were jealous - of Megatron?''

I bristled in annoyance at how the accusation sounded to my own audials and her seeming casual dismissal of my concerns. ''Should I be Phoenix?''

''NO! Of course not you bloody idiot!'' She roared at me as she surged forward, one of her digits drilling into my chest with every word she spoke. ''I. LOVE. YOU. OPTIMUS. PRIME!'' She snorted as she withdrew her servo and folded her arms across her chest. ''Though I bloody wonder why at the moment.''

Though I felt relief surging through me, not to mention humiliation, I continued in my quest to understand what I saw. ''But... but you reached for him..''

''No Prime,'' she shook her helm. ''I reached for YOU!'' A sadness filled her optics as she too must have been transported to that awful moment. ''I saw how you had changed. What you had become.'' I slowly nodded my helm in understanding and shame. ''You were not the Optimus Prime I fell in love with. You were someone, something else.'' Her voice dropped as she murmured, ''I thought I was losing you to darkness and so I tried to call you back to me.''

/How foolish you are/. The words taunted me and yet… ''But the way he looked at you Phoenix. Those things he said to you, about you..''

''Just words Optimus, threats. There was no truth to them. However,'' Phoenix's expression softened and she looked at the ground before she returned her gaze to me. ''Prime, I have demanded honesty from you and so I can do no less than be totally honest with you.'' I felt the need to empty the contents of my tanks and my spark constricted in its casing. ''During my time with Galvatron and then Megatron, there were times, however brief, when we got along well and he was civil to me and treated me with respect,'' I felt myself snort contemptuously. Phoenix ignored my reaction and continued. ''Well, after we came to an understanding that is.''

I tilted my helm at her, my optics narrowing dangerously. ''What understanding would that be Phoenix?''

Phoenix shifted on her pedes uncomfortably. ''Ahh.. the understanding that I was not his, or anyone's to touch..''

The words were spoken in a calm, level tone though they held an icy warning. ''He forced himself upon you?''

She ex-vented deeply. ''Yes, Prime he did. The first day I was there. He tried to,'' she paused as she watched my reaction. ''Anyway, I talked him out of it, and he didn't do it again.''

I began to pace about again, I was seething. ''How dare he touch you, how dare he..'' I rounded on her, my face like thunder. ''TRUCE BE DAMNED! I'LL KILL HIM!''

''NO, YOU WON'T'' Phoenix surged forward again, grabbing me by the shoulders.

''WHY?'' I snapped at her viciously as I shook myself free from her grasp. That darkness, that anger that I keep carefully buried so deep within, began to erupt. ''IT IS NO LESS THAN HE DESERVES PHOENIX. WHY DO YOU DEFEND HIM STILL?'' I was stalking the room, my optics pinned on her, waves of hatred and anger rolling off me. I sneered at her as a pain unlike any I have experienced before tore through me. ''YOU DO LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU?''

Phoenix closed the distance between us in two strides, her servos lashing out and grabbing my face in a vice like grip as she screamed at me. ''I DEFEND HIM BECAUSE PRIMUS WANTS US TO STAND AGAINST UNICRON TOGETHER! AUTOBOT AND DECEPTICON. MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS PRIME! IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE STAND ANY CHANCE OF POSSIBLY WINNING, AND WE CAN'T DO THAT IF YOU FUCKING KILL MEGATRON – CAN WE?!'' She released my face and shoved me roughly backwards. Her own broken and damaged body heaving with exertion and emotion, as she raised a servo to lay across the gaping hole in her chest and her spark.

Though I felt a deep scowl on my face and a white-hot rage still boiled within me, her words began to seep into my clouded processor. /Primus decrees it?/. 'Is that why you said what you did on the battlefield? Is that why you pushed so hard for a truce between us?''

Phoenix nodded her helm as she began to pace the room. ''Yes Prime. While you were – fighting each other – I came to a startling realisation as Primus' words suddenly come rushing back to me. ''You must stand together despite the trial that awaits, for if you break ties the impending darkness will seal all fates''. A knowing smile formed on her shattered dermas. ''For the first time, I understood Primus' message with absolute clarity. It was never just you and I Prime that had to stand together against Unicron.'' She cast me a quick smile of reassurance before she resumed pacing. ''It dawned on me that instead of tearing each other apart, Autobot and Decepticon had to work together to defeat Unicron. It was in that moment that Primus spoke to me again.'' She ceased pacing and stared at me intently. ''That which seeks to tear you apart can unite you – IF you let it.''

Slowly the rage within me began to ebb away as Phoenix's words, Primus' words, began to pierce the red fog that shrouded my processor. In this moment I was glad there was another Prime as I certainly was not worthy of the title. I had been putting my own selfish needs before that of my race. If there was a chance – however remote – that lasting peace may be achieved by working together with the Decepticons, with Megatron, then I had to take it. I had to bury my own doubts and insecurities and trust in Primus – in Phoenix.

Phoenix resumed her pacing, ''Optimus, I know this is incredibly hard for you to understand and accept, but I saw a side to him you have not seen in a long time, if ever. While I know none of that excuses what he has done to you or the other Autobots for millennia, it is something that should not be dismissed.'' Phoenix halted her pacing and stared at me. ''The fact he refrained from sending the killing shot to ME Prime, when he has done so for far less to others, tells me he was actively making a choice. And as you well know, it is the choices we make Prime that determine our path.''

I closed my optics and stood there in silent contemplation. I do not know why the notion of Phoenix supporting him, the one I once considered a brother, gnawed at me so much. My ability to look for the good in everyone was supposedly one of my finest qualities, as Phoenix had told me once. /Apart from the obvious, why was it so hard for me to at least try and believe that Megatron's choice in sparing Phoenix is perhaps a subconscious effort to stumble back towards the path he abandoned millennia ago and NOT purely because he may have feelings towards her?/.

''Optimus?'' Phoenix's voice hesitantly called to me. ''Say something, please?''

I sighed. ''Phoenix, Megatron's path is shrouded in darkness and tainted with the energon of countless innocent lives!'' My optic ridge was furrowed in disbelief. ''Has that escaped your attention?''

Phoenix smiled softly at me as she stepped towards me and placed her servos on my shoulders. ''Yes, you are right. I do not disagree with you Prime. Megatron's path has indeed been tainted but, Megatron should have killed me Prime. He had every reason to pull that trigger and end my life and yet he didn't. He chose not to.'' At the look I gave her she continued in exasperation. ''He may well have done it because he has feelings for me, though I doubt it, but he can feel all he likes towards me Prime. It will not be reciprocated. Not in that way.'' I placed my servos very carefully on her face and leant forward to kiss her helm. ''I love YOU Optimus.'' She sniggered. 'And you ALONE you jealous, insecure bloody idiot.''

I ex-vented deeply as I gazed down at her. Not for the first time, and certainly not the last, I wondered what I ever did to deserve someone like her. ''A fact I continue to be both incredibly grateful for and astounded by Phoenix.'' I shook my helm. ''I am sorry. Forgive me, please?'' I kissed her dermas very gently.

She laughed and burrowed into my chest. ''Of course I do Optimus. I understand why you acted the way you did and why you felt the way you did,'' she smirked up at me. ''I would likely react the same way if the situation were reversed. However, I hope NOW you realise it was all unfounded.''

I nodded my helm as I held her in my arms. ''I do my Phoenix.'' The last remnants of my fears surfaced. ''But how can we trust him? How can I trust him, especially with you?''

Phoenix fixed me with a very serious, penetrating gaze. ''The simple answer is – we can't. However, you said so yourself Prime. Someone must take the first step. Someone must lead by example. I choose to fight alongside Megatron and the Decepticons to end Unicron. I choose to help free him of Unicron's torturous control. It is the right thing to do.'' Once more her shattered dermas spread into a small smile. ''And, if you cannot bring yourself to trust him Optimus, then place your trust in me. For hopefully, that is something you have now learned you CAN do?''

Though I wanted desperately to pull her tightly to me and answer her with a searing kiss that spoke of the depth of my feelings, I had to refrain. So instead, I gently held her in my arms and kissed her chevron and then her dermas ever so softly and reverently. ''That I have my Phoenix, that I have.''

There was a rough coughing sound from beyond the doors to the Med Bay and a second later Rachet burst into the room. ''Right! I have given you both as much time as I can afford. I'm sorry if you haven't sorted things out however..'' He paused as he once again noticed our body language. ''Ah. Right. I see.'' He placed his servos on his hips. ''Same page again, are we?'' he prodded sarcastically.

I nodded my helm. ''So it would appear Rachet.'' I kissed Phoenix's helm once more and released her, adding dryly. ''Same book even.'' Beside me Phoenix burst out laughing and I felt my spark pulse strongly at the sound. /How I have missed that feeling. How I have missed HER!/.

''Yes Rachet,'' Phoenix nodded her helm as she made her way to the gurney and climbed up once more. ''We're all good. However, there is one more operation you may need to perform after you've finished with me.'' I blinked my optics in surprise.

''Oh really?'' Rachet looked confused. ''And what would that be Phoenix?''

Phoenix turned her attention to me one more time as she lay down on the gurney. A huge smile spread across her broken dermas, ''Removing Prime's helm from his aft!''

Rachet's laughter echoed through the room as he shook his helm in amusement. ''Sounds like a delicate procedure. I'll see what I can do Phoenix.''

I narrowed my optics at Rachet and then at her, shaking my helm in mock indignation. A swell of affection and love washed through me as I took in the sight of the femme that lay before me. ''Phoenix. You dare be impertinent towards a Prime?'' I reached out and stroked her beautiful face.

She grabbed my servo and brought it to her shattered dermas, kissing it. ''Dare? I just was.''

I smiled down at my Phoenix. ''Good. It was deserved – on this occasion.'' I winked at her, and she burst out laughing. My spark felt lighter than it had felt in months, despite the impending darkness. I could face whatever came our way, whatever obstacles were put before us, if I had my Phoenix back by my side where she belonged, and she loved me and me alone. /Nothing would keep us apart/.

''All right you two. I am glad you sorted your shit out - again.'' Rachet ushered me away from the gurney and Phoenix reluctantly released my servo. ''Now if you don't mind Prime, I have quite a bit of work ahead of me.'' Rachet injected Phoenix with the anesthesia required to put her under for the more delicate and painful repairs necessary.

''Very well Rachet. I do have an important meeting to attend to soon with Morshower about everything that has – transpired.'' Once again that familiar weight of leadership settled on my shoulders. I looked back towards Phoenix, whose optics began to shutter as recharge began to beckon her. I smiled at her. ''Goodbye my Phoenix. I will do my best to be by your side when you awake.''

''S'okay Optimush,'' I raised an optic ridge and Rachet sniggered behind me as he laid out the necessary tools for his procedures. ''I know ya bishy. I'll shee you when I shee you.'' Her optics flickered closed. ''Luf you..''

I sighed out loud. Though I doubt she heard me, the words needed to be said. ''And I you, my Phoenix. More than you could possibly know.''