chapter twenty-five: hazy christmas lights
Percy can tell that Annabeth is trying. Every day, it becomes more obvious that she's trying to claw her way up from the bottom of the pit she dug for herself during the year they were apart. Though Percy tries to be there for her, there's only so much he can do to help; it's hard to heal a damaged person when you're just as damaged yourself.
Annabeth still talks to Luke. He's her friend, after all. But after hanging out with him, she'll sometimes come to meet Percy with red eyes or buzzed pupils, and it scares him. "I'm sorry," she'll say, tearing up. "I fucked up. I'm sorry." And what can he do, except tell her that it's okay and kiss her like she's sober? She still relies on the drugs to cope, but she's trying.
There's one thing that has changed, though: the kissing, the touching. The two of them were always close, but now a new kind of intimacy has been added into the equation. It's easier than anything to settle into each other like a sigh. Percy learns the feel of her lips, the smell of her jasmine shampoo, the warmth of her bare waist. Maybe it's so easy because they've been friends for so long—Percy already knows Annabeth like the back of his hand. Of course, there's some relearning to be done; neither of them is quite the same person they were at the beginning of this year. Percy doesn't mind that, though. It's Annabeth, and how could anything about her be anything less than beautiful?
Still, they haven't gone any further than kissing. Percy wonders if it's because they're both scared of hurting each other; he still thinks about what she said during their argument, even though he wishes he could wipe it out of mind. If something isn't hugely momentous and important, then it can never end in flames—right? For the same reason, they haven't told any of the others about what's going on between them. What's the point, if they're too afraid to even define it?
Percy begins to spend a lot of time at Annabeth's estate. She always tells him how lonely it is there, so he makes it a point to come over as much as he can. He doesn't have much free time due to all the shifts he's taking on, but that doesn't matter. She makes time for him, so he'll make time for her. Annabeth checks up on him through texts constantly when he's home at the trailer. He knows the reason why, but is terrified to address it.
One Sunday afternoon, he heads around to Annabeth's after his shift at the machine shop. He knocks on the door, but there's no answer. Unassumingly, he tries the door and realises with a shock that it's open. "Annabeth, you in?" His voice echoes into the foyer. No one responds. He steps inside, closing it carefully behind him. Wondering if she's even in, he checks the kitchen and the lounge. Both are empty. "Are you home?" he calls again, poking his head up the stairs. Ascending the stairs, he peeks into Annabeth's room. She's sitting on the floor, leaning against her bed with her eyes shut. She looks awful—there's bags under her eyes and sweat on her face. Percy curses, kneeling beside her. "God, Annabeth. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she mutters.
He arches a brow, checking her forehead with a kiss. "You're burning up. How long have you been like this? Why didn't you call me?"
"Didn't want to worry you."
He pulls her close, realising she's shuddering slightly. "Well, consider me fucking worried. Does your head hurt?"
Annabeth opens her eyes, struggling to focus on him. "Yeah, it's pounding. I've probably caught something."
"Are you sure you're just sick?" he asks cautiously, lifting her to her feet. She sits down heavily on the bed, hands shaking. "How long has it been since you've taken your meds?"
She opens her mouth, then closes it again. "A while."
"A while? What does that mean?"
Tugging her hand out of his grasp, she glares at him. "I'm fine. I don't need them."
He gapes. "Annabeth, you can't just stop taking them! I think you're meant to slowly come off anxiety medication, not go cold turkey." He grabs the bottle of Xanax on her bedside, checking the label.
Annabeth grabs it out of his hand. "Stop. I've made it this long."
Percy sits down next to her, trying to be patient. "Why haven't you been taking it? It's necessary—it's not like any of the other stuff you've done." The stuff you still do, he doesn't say.
"I know that."
"So…why?"
She sighs. "Because I never treated it like medication. I never followed the prescription, always took more than I was supposed to—because I didn't think I was strong enough without it. Well, not anymore." Drawing her trembling knees into her chest, she exhales raggedly. "I'm never taking that shit again."
He's silent for a moment. "I get that. But it seems like you're going through withdrawal."
"I wasn't even supposed to be addicted to it in the first place!
"But you are," Percy says plainly. "You could just try…sticking to regular doses? And if you want to wean yourself off it, you could always ask Dr Hale to work out a tapering dose."
Annabeth looks pained. "I don't think I can do that."
"Do what?"
"Exert so much control over it." She sags down onto the bed. After a second, Percy lies down beside her. Annabeth pulls her arms around herself, trying to control their spasming. Her face gleams with sweat.
He stares at the ceiling for a few intrepid moments before breaking the silence. "You can," he says quietly. "You're strong enough. But right now, not taking them is making you sick. Please, will you? For me?"
She doesn't look at him. For a second, it seems like she might ignore what he's saying. But then she sits up, reaches for her bottle of Xanax and tips a pill into the palm of her hand. "A regular dose," she says, and throws back her head to swallow it. Percy hands her the glass of water on her bedside to help wash it down.
"Thank you," he whispers, pulling her into a hug. Her shoulders are still shaking.
"I didn't do it for you," Annabeth tells him.
He smiles into her shoulder, presses a kiss to her jaw. "That's good."
"I really wish you could just come and stay here," she mumbles. "I hate the thought of you living with him." She flops onto her back again, looking up at him.
Brow furrowing, he props himself up on an elbow. "I know."
"God, I swear I'm not trying to guilt you, I just…" She trails off. "I worry about you."
"Soon," he promises. "I'll be out of there soon."
"Percy?" she says, then hesitates. "You don't have tell me anything, okay? But I'd still like to know about—the trailer. Not right now, but sometime in the future."
Percy appreciates that she doesn't voice exactly what she means. He begins to shake his head, then lets out a sigh. "I don't know. Maybe."
She doesn't seem satisfied by that, but she doesn't press. "Okay." She gently tugs the collar of his shirt, pulling him down for a kiss.
That Sunday, the two of them find themselves outside Annabeth's church. When she mentioned missing the routine of it earlier in the week, Percy asked if she wanted to go. "I'll come with you, if you want," he offered. Annabeth was reluctant, but he knew her well enough to know when she wanted to be convinced.
People are already going inside with their arms linked with loved ones, dressed in nice clothes. Neither Percy nor Annabeth bothered with anything more than jeans and a jacket—to him, it somehow would've felt like pretending. Annabeth stares up at the church's colourful windows, looking apprehensive. Percy wants to smooth out the crease of her brow with his thumb. "You ready?" he asks gently.
Annabeth doesn't say anything, only turns to look at Percy. "Can we wait for next week?"
"Are you sure?"
She picks at her nail, giving him a pleading look. "I can't go in. Today doesn't feel right."
Percy watches her for a moment, then takes her hand. Her fingers are cold, so he lifts her hand and blows gently to warm them. After a moment, he offers, "Wanna go for a milkshake instead?"
At that, she looks desperately relieved. "Yeah, that'd be nice." As they head out of the car park, she says, "Sorry. I know this seems stupid."
"It doesn't," he tells her fervently, squeezing her hand. "If it's a milkshake day, it's a milkshake day."
Annabeth laughs. Instantly, Percy wishes he could replay the sound. "You know I'm only with you for your staff discount," she says, leaning into him.
With you. The words clang through him. Trying to quell his racing pulse, he arches a brow and smiles. "Tell me something I don't already know."
It hurts to watch Annabeth's attempts to reconcile with the others. Leo is quick to come around—out of all of them, he knows the most about what's been going on with her. And after an explanation, Jason hugs her. "Something like this happened with Thalia," he tells Percy afterwards. "I'm not gonna condemn Annabeth for the same thing. She fucked up, but she needs us."
Piper, however, is angry. Despite being Annabeth's oldest friend, barring Percy, she refuses to talk to her. He understands why—it must be hard to see your best friend try to destroy themselves for a year, all the while acting like you don't even exist. Fall fades into winter, and Annabeth still hasn't made any headway with her.
"She thinks it's only a matter of time before I fuck up again," Annabeth admits to Percy one cold morning at the machine shop. School starts in an hour. It's the last day before winter break, and Percy is deathly tired. Gabe locked him out the trailer late last night, so he's had barely any sleep. One of his ribs has been bruised for a week. Still, he can't abandon his morning shifts.
Percy nods, going through the motions of an oil change. His breathing curls out before him, pale and visible in the winter air. "But you get it, right?" he asks Annabeth. "She's scared that if she lets you back in her life, you might hurt her. I know you wouldn't do anything on purpose, but it's understandable." He rubs absently at the streak of machine grease on his left palm.
Annabeth nods, tucking her hands deeper into her coat pockets. "I guess I just miss her," she admits.
The holidays are strange. Leo finally introduces the guy he's been seeing to Percy, Jason and Piper. Somehow, Annabeth already knows him; she says they met on Halloween. His name's Nico. Leo seems happy with him—and he's great on a skateboard, which is a good thing in Percy's book. But although Annabeth, Leo and Percy are hanging out as often as they ever did, Piper remains distant. And it's impossible for Jason not to side with her, so Percy doesn't see much of either of them. It's strange how fractured their once tight-knit circle has become over the past year.
Percy hates Christmas; it's never meant anything more than resentment to him. How could it, when his family is comprised of a mother he never even knew and a stepfather that hates his guts? But he's determined to make something of it this year. He's trying as hard as he can to pull his friends back together, to assert some semblance of control over his life. And he knows Annabeth isn't planning on celebrating, except for visiting Bobby and Matthew at their care home. He decides to set up a surprise for Annabeth. She's the only reason he's ever had good feelings associated with the holidays, and it's time to repay her.
A few days before, he knocks on Piper's door in the evening after a shift at the diner. She opens it, rubbing her eyes. "What the fuck? I was asleep," she grouches, then seems to register who's standing in front of her. "Oh, Percy," Piper realises with a grin. She's still wearing her uniform from her job at the cinema. "Sorry about that."
He blanches. "Did you sleep in your work clothes?"
"Yeah," she answers, rolling her eyes. "I've got another shift in the morning. This way, I don't have to change."
"That's…pretty smart, actually," he says slowly. "Anyway, I need to talk to you."
At that, she looks concerned. "Why? What's happened?"
"Nothing," he says hastily. "It's about Annabeth."
Piper groans. "Not while I'm fucking tired, okay? Just call me tomorrow." She tries to shut the door, but Percy wedges his foot in it and forces it back open.
Turning on the baby seal eyes, he pouts. "Please? This means a lot to me."
Piper glares at him for a few seconds, but eventually huffs. "Ugh, fine. Do you wanna come in?"
He shakes his head. "Nah, this won't take long."
"Alright." Grabbing her jacket off the hook, she shrugs it on as she steps into her slides and closes the door behind her. "Let's sit on the bench. I hate standing."
Once they're settled, Percy takes the plunge. "So, I've been thinking—"
"Always a bad sign."
He shoots her a harsh look, continuing, "I've been thinking about Christmas. This year's been shit, and I don't want it to end that way too."
"What does that have to do with Annabeth?"
He fidgets with the sleeve of his jacket, avoiding her stare. "Annabeth doesn't really have anyone, apart from us two and the others. I know you're not talking to her, but she is trying to fix things."
Piper looks uncomfortable. "I know that. I just don't think I'm ready to forgive her yet."
"You don't have to," he pleads. "But I want us all to hang out tomorrow—it's gonna be Christmas Eve. Annabeth's alone at her estate. I'm not doing anything, and your dad's away, right? And I bet Jason, Leo and Nico would be down for it."
"I don't wanna see her," Piper insists.
"Please, Pipes. She misses you."
"Does she?" she asks bitterly.
"Obviously, McLean. You used to be so close—"
"Stop," she grits out, burying her head in her hands. "I don't believe she's sorted herself out. I don't believe she'll find a way not to hurt us again."
"She hasn't hurt anyone except herself," Percy says quietly.
Piper jerks her head up, astounded. "Have you forgotten what she fucking said to you?"
"I haven't forgotten," he argues. "But she's said she's sorry. She's proved herself. She's still proving herself, every day." He falls silent for a moment. "We fucked up too, you know. We should've been there for her. It was wrong of us to let her fall in with Luke."
She scoffs. "You're crazy. It was her choice to pick him over her us."
"Annabeth wasn't thinking straight!" he nearly shouts, but manages to tamp down on his anger. "She was hurting."
To his surprise, there are tears in Piper's eyes. "I really fucking miss her, okay? But nothing's ever gonna be the same."
"It won't be," he agrees. "Everything's going to be different. But we don't have to keep trying so hard to stay separate. Things will get better, if you let them."
Piper closes her eyes for a second. "Fine. I'll do Christmas Eve with you guys," she relents. "But I'm not gonna pretend to be friendly with her, okay?"
Percy beams, pulling her into a hug. "Thanks, Pipes. I really appreciate this."
She pushes him away, grumbling, "Whatever."
"One more thing. Do you have any Christmas decorations?"
"Yeah," she says slowly. "What for?"
He smiles. "You'll see."
That night, Percy calls everyone in an attempt to get things organised—which includes asking Jason if Thalia can fit a Christmas tree in her car. He leaves Annabeth for last, simply shooting her a text checking he can come round in the morning after his shift. Yes, please do :) she responds. For some reason, that little smiley is enough to fill Percy's chest with warmth.
Percy shows up at Annabeth's at around midday. Her cheeks are flushed when she opens the door, and her hair is softly curling and frizzy. Her dark circles betray her exhaustion, but she lights up when she sees Percy. "Hey."
He greets her with a kiss. "Merry Christmas."
"It's not Christmas yet, you idiot."
He shrugs, stepping inside. "Christmas Eve is still Christmas."
Annabeth shakes her head, smiling. "So, I figured we could curl up and watch a movie. I found some snacks in the cupboard, and Home Alone's on in a few minutes," she tells him, disappearing into the kitchen. She's wearing fluffy socks. Percy tries not to melt internally.
"The first movie?" he asks
He hears her scoff. "Of course. It's the best one."
Percy checks his watch—the others should be here in twenty minutes or so, depending on their luck with the tree. He collapses on the sofa and switches on the TV, flicking through channels until he finds Home Alone. Annabeth returns with popcorn and settles down next to him with a sigh, pressing a kiss to his jaw. It's sad they won't be able to be affectionate when the others show up—but it's their fault for not telling anyone yet. "This is my favourite Christmas movie," he says absently.
She smiles up at him. "Is it?"
"Well, I haven't watched many," he murmurs. "We saw this one in school, I think."
Her brow creases. "Okay, that's fucking depressing. I really need to educate you on movies."
He swats her. "Hey!"
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. "Who's that?" Annabeth asks.
He stands up. "Come on, I've got a surprise for you." Warily, she follows him into the hallway where he prompts her to open the door. She does so with caution, and almost shrieks.
Leo, Piper and Nico are standing on the mat, each carrying a cardboard box. "Merry Christmas, Annabeth," Piper says with a small smile.
"Piper, what…?" Annabeth starts.
She's interrupted by Leo shoving past her. "This is so fucking heavy," he groans, staggering. "Where can I put it down?"
"In the lounge," supplies Percy.
"Hey, what's up?" Nico says, offering them a smile as he heads inside after Leo.
"Let me help with that," Annabeth says, taking Piper's box. She looks dumbfounded by everyone's arrival, but Percy can see a newfound hope unfolding behind her eyes. "Wait, what have you guys even got in here?"
"Oh, you'll find out," Piper tells her.
Percy waits at the door, wondering where the others are. His question is answered when Jason, Thalia and Reyna show up at the gates, struggling to keep a tall Christmas tree aloft. "Hey, Percy," Thalia yells. "Where the fuck should we put this?"
He laughs, helping them get it inside. "Wow. I wasn't expecting y'all to get such a big tree."
Reyna looks at him dryly. "I tried to convince these two idiots to get a smaller one, but they weren't having it."
Annabeth gapes as they drag the tree into the lounge, positioning it by the window. Shell-shocked, she murmurs, "I can't believe…Percy, did you do this?"
He grins sheepishly. "Yeah. Is it okay? I just thought—"
"It's perfect, God," she says, tackling him in a hug. "Thank you."
He tucks his chin over her shoulder, relaxing for only a moment before pulling away. "Alright. Let's go help the others."
Piper and Leo are already pulling decorations out of boxes, while Nico and Reyna are wrestling lights around the tree. "Are we putting tinsel on it?" Leo asks loudly.
"Of course, Valdez," says Annabeth. Her eyes look a little teary, but Percy doesn't comment on it.
"Come on, then," Piper calls. "I need help with these baubles. What theme are we going with?"
"Blue?" Percy suggests, but gives into laughter when he's shouted down with rebuttals.
Someone puts on a Christmas playlist, and everyone sings along to Fairytale of New York as they haphazardly adorn the tree with decorations. No one can agree on any one theme, but Percy hangs up as many blue baubles as he can find. The Christmas lights flood the room with a warm, hazy kind of brightness. At some point, Piper and Annabeth step into the hallway for some privacy to talk. The two of them return after a while, looking teary-eyed and happy.
"Everything okay?" Percy asks Annabeth as he hangs up one of the last baubles.
She nods, picking up another decoration. "I think so. It will be, anyway."
As the afternoon wears into evening, they turn a movie on. "What do we wanna watch?" Jason asks as he flicks through the TV guide.
"Oh, The Polar Express is on," Thalia says excitedly.
Reyna's snuggled up with her, head resting on Thalia's shoulder. "Oh, that's a classic."
"No," Leo groans. "I hate that movie. The characters all look so dead in the eyes."
"Yeah, that's what makes it good," Piper interjects, voice muffled around a mouthful of Pringles. "Weird CGI is my shit."
"Such a good movie," Annabeth agrees. "Percy, you haven't watched it, right?"
He shakes his head. "No."
"What? That's gotta be a crime," says Jason from where his head's resting in Piper's lap. "Put it on!"
Everyone clamours their approval until Leo gives in with a sigh, flipping to the right channel. "I hate you guys," he mutters.
Nico laughs, nudging him. "The only movies you like are Star Wars."
Leo flops against him, looking pained. "That's not true."
"It so is. You're a simp for Han Solo," Piper tells him gleefully.
Percy bursts out laughing as Leo dramatically throws an arm over his face. "Stop letting them bully me," he complains. Nico smiles, slipping an arm around him and whispering something into his ear. "Oh, shut up," Leo mumbles, cheeks blooming a faint red.
Everyone stays round Annabeth's until late in the evening, filling the house with laughter and warmth. Percy doesn't think her estate has ever felt so full before.
Before Thalia leaves, she pulls Annabeth aside and speaks to her in an undertone. Percy tries not to eavesdrop, but he does pick up a name: Luke. Their conversation isn't long. When they're done, Thalia puts her number in Annabeth's phone. As the two of them rejoin the others, she tells her, "I'm always around to talk."
Annabeth can only nod in reply. She looks embarrassed. "Thanks for coming, guys," she calls, opening the door to let people trickle out.
Piper hugs her, burrowing her nose into Annabeth's shoulder. "I fucking missed you, blondie," she says fiercely.
"I missed you too. I'll see you soon, yeah?"
"Of course," Piper answers, shooting her a look. "You couldn't stop me if you tried."
Once everyone's gone, Annabeth has to hold onto Percy for a few moments. When she pulls away, she looks like she might start crying again. "Thank you for inviting them—I would've been too scared to do it myself. You're amazing."
He rolls his eyes. "Well, family is what Christmas is all about, right?" She smiles softly and kisses him, lingering on his lips like the remnants of a warm breeze. "Seriously," he adds, pulling away for a moment. "You never have to be alone again. At least, not while I'm around."
Annabeth grins, shaking her head. "You're such a sap."
It's more natural than breathing to kiss her again, to let her sink into him. He whispers, "So are you."
wow, I miss christmas :') this was a lot of fun to write haha! sorry it's up so late in the day, anxiety's been kicking my ass and I've been struggling to get this chapter right. let me know what you thought! the next chapter will be up on wednesday as usual.
come chat to me on my tumblr at stolen-arts :D I'd love to see you there!