Contains spoilers season two and Children of the Earth. Set after Children of the Earth but before Miracle Day.
Dear Jack,
I'm never going to give you this letter and I'll probably destroy it because I'm sure as hell not going to let Rhys find it. But I suppose I have to get all the stuff I can't tell you out of my system so here I am writing this pointless letter.
Your my biggest "what if?" Jack. What if you had never run off with the Doctor? Would I have still married Rhys? Maybe I would have ended up with you or maybe you would have always chose Ianto no matter what. You did choose Ianto didn't you Jack? Did you really ever love him? I don't remember you ever telling him you did. I hope you love me.
Then there's another "what if?" that makes me feel like a terrible mother. I love Anwen but sometimes I wonder what if you and I had had a baby together instead? Would that child have had your eyes? Or your sense of adventure? Maybe you would have never settled down even if we had had a kid together. Its hard to imagine you domesticated. Maybe no one could domesticate you, at least not fully. Domesticate you? Sorry Jack I'm making you sound like a bloody cat or something. Although you seem more like a dog person. I'm not a big fan of cats myself. When I was little there was really mean cat next door that- I'm getting off topic. Focus Gwen focus! ...I didn't mean to write that.
Anway another really big "what if " is what if there was no Rhys or Ianto? Would we have even met? Would we have gotten together? Gone on dates? Or at least had sex. Maybe we would have made a horrible couple but I think we could have worked.
Of course there are countless more "what if"s. I have more and more "what if"s about you each day.
Why couldn't you have stayed for me Jack? None of it was your fault and I need you. Please come back.
Love Gwen