Chapter 5

Sign-Up Genius

This night has been just what the fairy god mother ordered. I cannot remember a time when I laughed this much.

Searching through drawers in the en suite bathroom, I find make-up remover, face wash, and some very luxurious moisturizer. I wash my face and brush my teeth. Next, I locate a hairbrush. I brush out all of the styling products and place my hair in a messy bun on top of my head.
The massive oval bathtub looks so inviting. Do I dare?

Of course I do! I slip off my silver dress. I fold it nicely and place it on a chair. While warm water fills the tub, I strip off my lacy grey thong. I wash it by hand in the sink and hang it to dry beside the hand towels. Now I will have nice, clean panties come the sunrise.

I find a variety of bath products. I opt for jasmine bath oil. I find a good playlist on my phone and dock it to the speakers on the wall. I mean what penthouse would be complete without surround sound in a guest room bathroom?

I dim the lights a bit. I light a few candles. The only thing missing is a glass of cucumber and lemon infused ice water. If only this was Downton Abbey. I could ring for just such an item to be delivered by a well-appointed ladies' maid.

The bath feels heavenly. I rest my head back on the terry cloth pillow roll. This feels like nirvana. My how the other half lives.

I hear a knocking on the outer bedroom door. Mia is calling my name. I call out that I am in the tub. A few moments later, I hear a key unlocking the door.

Mia wanders into the bathroom. She throws her head back in laughter when she sees my romantic bath for one. Praise the Lincolns, the bubbles hide my bikini zones.

Mia lays down on the divan across from me. Yep, another perk of penthouse bathrooms is plenty of space for furniture. We giggle about the night's shenanigans.

I learn that after I stomped out of Christian's love den, he demanded that everyone evacuate the Red Room of Pleasure immediately. Our band of merry makers headed off to various guest rooms. When I mention to Mia that I want to go in search of some water after I finish my soak, she shows my that one of the bathroom cabinets disguises a mini fridge stocked with cool drinks. She grabs us each a sparkling water and hands my mine in the tub. This is the life.

Before she leaves me, Mia opens another cabinet and sets out a bottle of Advil. Ms. Jones has thought of everything. Only when the water begins to chill do I get out of the tub. Holy mother of all things holy, the oversized bath towels are amazing. They must be made of unicorn fur.

I take the Advil and grab another Perrier for the bedside table. I search for something to sleep in, but all I find are empty drawers in the chest. I debate my options. I could go in search Mia to see if she keeps any extra clothes somewhere. I could go find Christian and ask for an old t-shirt. I choose option number three. I slip off my magical towel and slip between the sheets wearing only the lingering scent of my bath. What are these sheets, 27,000 thread count? I am cocooned in my own little silken cloud. I think that the mattress might be heated.

Just as I begin to dream of Christian Grey and his very naughty proclivities, I am brought back to earth by a knocking on the door. I check to make sure that all pleasure points are well covered by the bedding before I respond.

"Who is it?"

"It's Christian."

I sit up against the pillows. I run my fingers through my hair. I check to make sure that the sheet is tucked tightly under my arms. "Yes?"

The door opens a tiny bit.

"Ana, can I come in."

Yes, please. "Of course."

Mr. Sex-on-Legs enters the room. Be still my quivering lady bits. He is wearing a tight grey t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. He stands at the end of the bed.

"I want to make sure you have everything you need. Is there anything I can get you, Anastasia?"

Well, I could use some material for the naughty dreams I plan to have…

"Thank you. Your housekeeper has thought of everything. The only thing that I couldn't find was something to sleep in. Maybe you have a t-shirt that I could borrow?"

And just like that, Christian pulls off the shirt that he is wearing. I hope that when I die, the last thing that I remember is the sexy V that disappears into his waist band. I stare without shame.

I bite my lip as Christian steps closer to hand me his shirt. I hold the sheet to my chest as I lean forward to take it. Is it my imagination or is he holding the shirt far enough away that when I lean forward my sides are exposed? His cocky grin tells me I am on to something.

I murmur a "Thanks." I am unable to break away from his beautiful grey eyes. In this moment they dance with silvery promises of forbidden fruit.

"Is there anything else you need?"

I am desperate for him to stay a bit longer.

"Tonight was pretty crazy," I ramble. "Thanks for rescuing all of us from the club. That was, um, pretty badass how you got us out of there." I giggle nervously running my fingers along the stitching of the duvet.

Christian sits on the edge of the bed, facing me.

"I love that sound."

"What, getting called a badass?" I tease.

"No, your giggle, Anastasia. It's fucking beautiful."

I lift my head to look at Christian. "That's a really nice thing for you to say," I whisper.

"Everything about you is beautiful, Anastasia." My full-body blush activates. I want to look away, but his grey eyes are hypnotizing.

"Thank you," I whisper, again.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. His face breaks into a shit-eating grin when his gaze falls upon the sparkly toy that I took from his playroom.

I reach over to grab the dildo and hand it back to him.

"You can have this back now. I would hate for your collection to be missing such a bespoke piece."

"Ms. Steele, I hope that you were satisfied with the use of this item." Really, could his smile get any smugger?

"I wish that I could say that I was, Mr. Grey. After careful consideration, I realized that it was not in my best interest to use something that may have been popular with your previous companions." I volley smugness back to him.

Christian throws his head back in laughter. "How wise of you, Ms. Steele. I assure that you would be the first user. Every intimate item is replaced between companions."

"Oh," is all that I can respond. It is beginning to feel really hot in here.

"If you would like, I would be happy to show you how to use this…toy, Ms. Steele."

Moisture begins to pool between my legs. The image of Christian showing me how to use this toy has me thoroughly aroused.

"I think I have a handle on how it works."

"Actually, Ms. Steele, I was surprised that this was the item that you chose. There are some other items that I could show you that might be better suited for someone of your level experience."

Great, he totally heard Kate call out my virginity earlier. I blush again.

"I really like spending time with you." His transition from naughty to sweet is instantaneous.

"Me, too."

He looks to the door. I am not ready for him to leave. I summon the power of womankind.

"Christian, would you like to stay here with me tonight?"

He gives me another panty dropping smile and nods.

"Just to sleep. Are you ok with this?"

"Yes, of course Anastasia. I only ever want to do what you are comfortable with."

"First you have to turn around for a minute."

He cocks an eyebrow. Does this man have any non-sexy-as-fuck facial expressions?

"Just do it," I giggle and motion for him to turn around. I quickly pull his shirt over my head and pull it as far down as it will go. "You can turn back around now."

I pull the covers back and scoot over to make room for him.

"May I give you a good-night kiss, Ms. Steele?"

I smile and nod. He leans on one arm as he hovers over me. He slowly lowers his lips to mine. Be still my heart. His kiss is long and tender. His tongue parts my lips to tenderly explore my mouth. He lowers his body onto mine.

After minutes off this heavenly make-out sesh, I raise my hands to him. Christian instantly tenses.

I break our kiss. "I won't touch your body, Christian. Is it ok if I run my fingers through your hair?" He relaxes and nods. I feel him smile when his lips return to mine.

The night that I met Christian, Mia warned me about Christian's touch issues.

I twist his curls around my fingers. He moans into my mouth. Holy mother of pearl, that is sexy! I feel him harden as he ginds into me. I. Am. So. Turned. On.

Christian breaks our kiss. "Anastasia, we have to stop now." I groan in protest. "You have had a lot to drink tonight. What feels good tonight, you may regret tomorrow." He peppers my lips with sweet little kisses before rolling off of me. Christian pulls me to him so that I am the front spoon. He buries his nose in my hair and inhales deeply. Maybe I am not the only one with a sniffing fetish.

"Sweet dreams, Anastasia."

I drift off to sleep with Christian's arm wrapped tightly around my waist. Sweet nirvana.

I wake up surrounded by heat. I blink my eyes open to gather my bearings. I am on my back. Christian's arm is wrapped around me. His leg is wedged between mine. His head rests on my chest. I extricate myself from underneath my man-blanket to use the bathroom.

After relieving my full bladder, I brush my teeth. I grab another sparkling water from the hidden fridge and take more Advil. All-in-all, I feel better than I should when I recount how much we all drank last night.

Christian saunters into the bathroom. He closes the pocket door to the toilet alcove. I blush at the sound of him peeing. When he comes back out, I give him a shy smile. He brushes his teeth before putting his hands on my waist and bending to give me a delicious kiss. "Good morning, Anastasia."

"Good morning."

Christian grabs my hand with a devilish grin. "Come take a shower with me." It is a command not a question. I hesitate. Christian tugs my hand. "Come on, I promise no funny business." My side eye reveals my doubt.

"Was I not a perfect gentleman last night? Take a shower with me, baby." He is now leaning down purring these words in my ear. My inner goddess gives him a nod.

He lifts the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. When it is off, his eyes meander from my top to my toes.

"You are so incredibly beautiful. Your skin is like porcelain. Your body is so fucking perfect." Blush activated.

He wraps his arm around my naked waist and pulls me to him. He bends down for more kisses. I am breathless. Christian Grey has game.

Christian pulls his pajama pants and boxer briefs off in one swoop. Before I can fully appreciate his body, I follow him into the shower. The view from behind is absolutely fantastic.

True to his word, Christian remains (mostly) a gentleman as we wash. I do my best to keep my eyes above his waist. Even so, I cannot help but notice the ginormity of what hangs between his legs. How does that even fit? I know for a fact that my vajay-jay is tampon-size regular. What he is sporting is so much more. I'll have to ask Kate how it all works when a guy is so behemoth.

He shampoos my hair for me which is beyond sexy. This guy does seduction very well. I try to wash his hair but even on my tip toes, I can't really reach. He bends forward and holds on to my waste while I finish the job. When I am done rinsing out the suds, Christian rubs his head up my chest as he stands up. Just as I am about to throw him up against the tile wall and have my way with him, Christian turns the tap off and steps out of the shower. Grrrrrrr!

He wraps me in one of the unicorn fur towels as I step out. Christian dries himself and puts his pj pants back on.

"Don't be long, Anastasia, I'm sure Ms. Jones is making us a big breakfast." Is there anything this woman can't do?

I put on the shirt I slept in and the boxer briefs he left behind. Interesting, he must be going commando. Well, clutch my pearls. I wrap myself in a short pink, silk robe hanging on the back of the door and go in search of breakfast.

Ms. Jones has organized a full breakfast for our crowd. I see chafing dishes with eggs and bacon and potatoes. A very chic platter of fruit sits beside a tray of danish and muffins. Carafes filled with juice flank a catering-style coffee maker.

Feeling a bit iffy from last night's drinking, I opt for a cup of tea and some fruit and yogurt. Sitting at the dining table, I assess the various states of recovery of our band of merry makers.

Kate and Elliott, the professional party goers, look as though they have just had twelve hours of restful sleep. Perhaps it is the hair of the dog that has them looking so refreshed. They are both sipping on Bloody Mary's.

Ethan appears more dead than alive. He props his head with his hand. His face is a terrible shade of green.

José and Frederic appear to have fared somewhat better. Although they look a bit ragged, they are sipping mimosas and are chatting quietly.

Even hungover, Mia is full of energy. She is babbling about inconsequential things.

Christian has found another shirt to wear. I wonder if he is still commando under those pants?

Everyone gives me a muted hello as I sit down.

"So, Banana, did your night get hot and heavy after you went to bed?"

I glare at Elliott. How does he know Christian snuck into my room?

"Calm down, Banana. I'm asking if you made use of that toy that we all know you took with you."

"No Elliott, I decided that I just couldn't vouch for who else had played it. I'm a single user kind of girl." I say with my best holier-than-thou voice.

This makes everyone laugh.

"Poor Banana, always going to bed alone," Elliott teases me. Christian squeezes my knee conspiratorially.

"No, I don't think Ana was alone last night," quips Mia.

"Of course she was," retorts Kate.

"No, no she wasn't alone, at least not this morning. I went to tell Ana breakfast was ready. The bathroom door was cracked. There was a lot of steam, but I could definitely tell there was someone in the shower with her. I even saw a pair of boxer briefs on the bathroom floor."

Everyone looks at Mia like she is crazy.

"Guys, I'm not making this up! I saw someone else in the shower with Ana and there were boxer briefs on the floor beside the tub."

Everyone turns to stare at me. José, who is sitting to my right, looks down at my lap.

"You mean like the black boxer briefs Ana is wearing right now?"

Kate lets out a low, drawn out "ehr mah gawd."

I close my eyes and say a short prayer that the floor will open me up and swallow me whole. Even my inner goddess remains speechless.

"Hold up," Frederic says. "We know Ethan spent the night on the bathroom floor vomiting. Elliott kept Kate busy in the Red Room of Passion." Christian drops his fork and it clanks loudly. Kate gives Frederic the death glare.

"Please, Kate we tried to sneak in there ourselves. Every time we got close to the door, we could hear your screams," José says. "Spank me Elliott. I've been a bad, bad girl and Harder, Elliott, Harder."

Elliott flashes us his best shit-eating grin.

Attempting to save me from the great mystery-man-in-the-shower inquisition, Christian turns to his brother. "Are you telling me that you two used my playroom last night?" He says in his best angry CEO voice.

Elliott nods without shame. "All night long, little bro. It's a real professional, grade A set up you have in there. When you have some time, I'm going to need you to go over some of the trickier equipment. I can't have my Katie girl getting hurt in there."

Kate looks to Elliott with doe eyes. "Awe, thanks babe. You always take care of me."

I almost believe that they have forgotten about my shower buddy until Frederic kicks me right back onto the hot seat. "We have ruled out Ethan and Elliott. Obviously, José and I shower together so that eliminates the two of us."

What do I have to do to get the Berenstain Bear Detectives to drop this case? I'm dying inside.

"I've got it," shouts Mia. "Luke Sawyer, Christian's other CPO from last night."

Heads spin back to me seeking confirmation. I stare into my tea cup. Could these shit-for-detectives be any more clueless? This is really getting too painful. Can I safe word out of this conversation?

"No, it can't be Sawyer," Elliott muses. "When I came downstairs to return the key for the Red Room, I saw Sawyer heading out the door. He said it is his day off and he was going to meet some buddies to go fishing."

That's it. These idiots will never figure out that Christian was my mystery marauder. Over this convo, I push my chair from the table and deposit my dishes in the sink. It isn't until I am almost to the stairs that I hear Ethan say it.

"Christian. It must be Christian."

"Come again?" asks Frederic.

"Christian. He's the only guy we didn't account for. Ana must have taken a shower with Christian this morning."

As if in slow motion, everyone turns to look at Christian. At the same moment, he raises his eyes to meet mine. He and I remain frozen in place. Right now, my last vestige of sanity is riding in his grey eyes. My hands are trembling. My heart begins to pound. The room starts spinning. I can't catch my breath. It's just like Kate's birthday party. I see Christian jump up and feel him catch me as the room goes dark.

When I blink my eyes open, I see grey eyes hovering over me.

"Stay still, sweet Ana. You passed out in the kitchen. I carried you into my bedroom for some privacy. Are you ok?"

I blink a few more times. Nothing seems to hurt. I can wiggle my toes and fingers. I go to slowly sit up. Christian's strong hands move to help me.

"I think you had another panic attack, Ana."

Sugar Plum Fairies! I really need to start seeing someone about this.

Christian pulls me to his chest. I inhale deeply with the sole intent of breathing in the magical Mr. Grey Elixir.

"Are you sniffing me?" He chuckles.

"Shut up! You do it, too. I totally caught you sniffing my hair last night," I giggle.

"Fair enough. We have established our first relationship normative; sniffing is permissible."

I giggle again and add, "Sniffing is permissible and encouraged."

Christian laughs. "Seriously though, your friends are freaking out. Can I let them in to see that you are ok now?"

Soon everyone is falling through the door way pretending like they weren't listening from the other side. Christian stays holding me on the bed. Kate and Mia, respecting no boundaries, climb on the bed with us. The guys stand around watching.

After assuring everyone that I am ok, the Kate Kavanaugh inquisition begins.

"So...you and Christian, huh? Was this, like, a one-night stand? A hit it and quit it? Not a bad choice to surrender your v-card, Steele." Seriously, kill me now.

"Nope, my virginity is still intact, but thank you for providing me the opportunity to clarify this with everyone here."

"No shit, you still have your v-card, Banana? Boy did I have this whole thing wrong. Here I come to find out my little brother is the fucking master of the sex-iverse. And you, Banana, still have your cherry on top. Are you going to help her, Chrissy? I mean, you've got the right equipment upstairs."

"Shut the fuck up, Elliott!" Christian roars. "Anastasia's virtue is not up for discussion. Drop it now, I'm warning you guys." My hero. "And no Katherine, I am not going to 'hit it and quit it.' Anastasia and I are dating." We are? "We would appreciate each of you MINDING YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!"

Ignoring Christian's instructions, Kate turns to me. "Since when have you two been dating?"

"Urh, about three weeks, I think. Christian gave me a ride home from your birthday. Things just kind of picked up from there."

"Oh. My. God! You two are totally getting married! You have to let me plan the wedding. I can see a whole outdoor, Bohemian meets Vogue vibe. I wonder if mom would let you do it in her yard. I'm going to..."

"Slow down, Mia. Christian and I are not getting married, ok? We just started talking, really. I think we both want to see where this is going to go. Privately. On our own. Without any interference. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Mia looks like a child who has lost her favorite lovey. She hangs her head.

"Great! Now that you are all caught up on what is none of your business, please gather your things. Taylor and Sawyer have the SUVs pulled around front to take you wherever you need to go. Take your time to gather your belongings, but in fifteen minutes you will be trespassing." Christian claps his hands twice. "The timer has started."

The band of marry makers disburses in a flurry. Ethan hangs back. Christian cocks an eyebrow at Kate's older brother.

"I was wondering. Is there a Sign-Up Genius or something?" Ethan asks.

"What?" I doubt Christian has ever heard of Sign-Up Genius.

"You know, for the playroom…"

"GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE!" Mr. CEO yells. Ethan scrambles out of the room.

When I move to climb out of the bed. Christian grabs my waist. "Not you, Ms. Steele. You are staying with me." He playfully tosses me on the bed and gets up to kick the door closed. Heck, yeah!