A/N: Hello there! I had intended post my next update in December, but life had other plans for me and I was sick on top of dealing with it all and so please accept this three chapter update as a belated Christmas gift. I originally wrote this as one chapter, but got a little carried away, and so I think it's more manageable to read as three separate installments - though I won't be upset if you wish to write me only one review! :)
Expecting to have this fic completed by Chapter 50 / 51 - I can't believe it! Though at the rate that I update, that's not going to happen until the end of 2019 LOL :D
He was awakened gradually by the sound of commotion from downstairs.
It was barely light outside as he stretched his arm out across his chest and the sofa bed for his phone.
His arm was stiff, but he couldn't be sure if it was from the arm wrestling competition that Kol had jokingly challenged him to the night before in his drunken state, or if it was the discomfort of the sofa bed he had been sleeping on for the last few days. He had forgotten how uncomfortable it was – having shared Caroline's bed before they had departed for New York, and having been back at his apartment for several weeks.
Checking his phone, he confirmed it was just after seven in the morning.
He sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the darkened ceiling of Elijah's old office. The last few days had been difficult with Caroline – not because they were at each other's throats, but because of the surface level nature of their relationship. Despite their history, they now felt like mere acquaintances – back to where they had begun when he first came to Mystic Falls. Sure, they were amicable for Grayson's sake and had settled back into a semblance of the routine they had before he left, but it was still painful, nonetheless.
While a part of him wanted to be close to her despite the torture it caused him, another part was holding his breath for the day he could return back to New York. It was the thought of Grayson that made him hesitate. Getting to see Grayson every day made up for the discomfort he felt being around Caroline. He hadn't realized just how much he missed him until he returned. Admittedly, he had missed Caroline too. It scared him to miss two people so much.
With a heavy sigh, he shifted his legs off the bed and sat up. His eyes stung and he rubbed his hands over his face, hoping to wake himself up. He had a slight headache from the drinks he had consumed with Kol the night before upon his arrival with Bonnie.
Kol had helped him in the garage to finish painting some of the signs and displays for Grayson's birthday, which had evolved into a combination of a carnival and circus. Caroline seemed like she had been in the midst of a circus trying to plan everything, so, he stuck to the sidelines, offering his help where she needed it.
Caroline and Bonnie had kept to themselves in the house, finishing off the decorations and the food that could be prepared in advance. Given Bonnie's distaste for him, he could only imagine what they were talking about as far as it concerned him.
He glanced around the darkened room as his eyes adjusted. He used to be able to picture Elijah working away at the desk by the window, but as time passed, his ability to do so became less vivid and the room felt less like his brother. He supposed it didn't help that the room was now occupied by many of his things and the art supplies he had left behind before his indefinite return to New York. Elijah was probably cursing him for the clutter.
His attention fell upon the box on the floor beside the desk – the collection of Elijah's journals Caroline had gathered for him. He'd been meaning to read through them in full since he'd been back from New York, but he wondered if he would be comforted by them or tortured.
The noise and sweet aroma of baking treats ascending upstairs distracted him from his melancholy thoughts and told him that Caroline was already stressing over the details of today.
Although he could have used a few more hours of sleep, he found himself heading downstairs to find Caroline in the kitchen focused on the task at hand – decorating cupcakes with blue, red, and yellow icing.
Inevitably, his eyes looked her over – her hair was clipped up messily and her frame was accentuated by the form fitting white tank top and floral patterned shorts. He bit his tongue to hold back the baser thoughts he wished to express, instead, he stared at her with desire, amazed by the hold she still had over him. He imagined the feeling of her feather soft hair sweeping against his chest while her long legs clenched his hips like a vise grip.
Shaking his head discreetly, he forced himself from his thoughts and cleared his throat quietly, trying not to startle her.
She glanced up at him from the cupcakes.
"Morning," she said.
He caught her eyes, and he could have sworn that she had given him a once over as he had just done to her – lowering from his chest to the waistband of his shorts.
"You're awake early," she commented, quickly averting her eyes back down to the cupcakes.
"I heard you up," he replied. "I thought maybe you could use a hand," he offered, sensing that she was a bit overwhelmed by the mess of items spread out over the kitchen island.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she continued to decorate the cupcakes.
"Did you finish painting with Kol last night?" she asked him, peering up at him with a side glance.
He wondered if she doubted him given the drinks he and Kol and partaken in yesterday evening while they worked.
"All done," he confirmed. "Kol and I can put everything together?" he suggested, unsure how he could be most useful until the party was set to start this afternoon – he was in charge of face painting and character sketches.
"I thought you and Kol could keep Grayson occupied this morning before the party while I finish setting up," she suggested. "I figured you'd like to spend as much time as possible with him," she paused, "…while you're here."
He tensed at the thought of having to return to New York once more– though he would be here for a few more weeks – at least until the next court appearance. He dreaded having to break the news to Caroline about the motion his parents were bringing. It had been a weight on his mind since he'd been here – but he didn't want to ruin Grayson's party for Caroline.
"Maybe you can take him to the Tiny Tots Play Centre? He likes it there. Tire him out so he's ready for a nap before the big event," she urged him.
"Are you sure you and Bonnie don't need our help here?" he confirmed, worried that she was taking on too much herself – asking for help was not her strong suit.
"I think we'll be okay until you and Kol get back. April and Camille are going to close up the store early and head over to help, too," she assured him.
Then again, perhaps there was more behind her suggestion than she was letting on – maybe she didn't want him around, he thought.
Back upstairs, all was silent. Grayson was still passed out hard in his crib and the door to Elena and Elijah's old room was still shut, suggesting that Bonnie and Kol were still asleep as well.
He slipped into the bathroom for a shower, using the splash of the water in his face to sooth his stinging eyes.
While the water did wake him, it couldn't wash away the thoughts plaguing his mind.
He may have been over-thinking Caroline's suggestion that he take Grayson for the morning, but it felt like she was trying to push him further away. It bothered him more than he wished to admit to himself.
Then he turned his mind to the court case. His stomach knotted thinking about what the next few weeks might bring. He hated to think any of his past behaviour might play a role in them losing Grayson. He was fearful to tell Caroline. He knew it would upset her. She would be angry with him and he'd push her even further away.
This day was also bittersweet – Grayson's first birthday party. It felt like yesterday that Elena and Elijah had welcomed him into the world and he'd received that phone call with the news. He'd never heard Elijah happier. Elijah always wanted a family of his own – a chance to be different than their father was with them – and the more Elijah had talked about a girl named Elena, it was apparent that he wanted that with her. It hurt him that they would be celebrating Grayson's first birthday without the two people who should be here most. It hurt him to think that this birthday would be the first of many for Grayson without his parents. It could be the last birthday he and Caroline shared with him. It scared him to think that Elijah's dream for Grayson could be ruined if their parents were successful in court. He would be to blame. He would dishonour Elijah's memory. He could never forgive himself for it.
"Hurry up in there Princess, I'd like to shower sometime this week," Kol complained from the other side of the door.
"Use the master bath," he shot back to Kol as he finished rinsing himself off.
"Bonnie's already laid her claim," Kol complained.
He growled under his breath as he turned the shower off.
Stepping out of the bathtub, he grabbed a towel to wrap around his torso so he could finish up in the bathroom and put an end to Kol's complaining.
He brushed his teeth at the sink quickly before opening the vanity mirror to search for aspirin to relieve his headache.
While the aspirin was located where he had expected it to be, it was the small rectangular package beside the aspirin bottle that made him pause. He read the label almost automatically. There were 21 tablets to take one a day – prescribed to Caroline Forbes. He recognized the packaging from advertisements he'd noticed on the subway in New York. It was birth control.
A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as his mind raced to conclusions. Perhaps she didn't want him around because she had already moved on without him.
"She's fucking someone else," Kol shrugged nonchalantly.
He shot Kol a critical glare, his eyes telling his brother to keep it down as they watched Grayson crawl across the soft red mat of the outdoor part of play centre towards some toys while other parents milled about with their little ones.
Kol scowled back at him quickly before smiling and waving at Grayson to come back towards them.
"Why else would she be taking birth control out of nowhere if she wasn't sleeping with someone else?" Kol questioned, quieter this time around.
He shrugged.
"It can be taken for other things," he noted, trying to convince himself that was the case.
Kol gave him an incredulous glance as he picked Grayson up to guide him down a small green slide that was barely on an incline.
"I know Bonnie used to take it for that time of the month, but I know now its primary purpose is definitely birth control," Kol mused suggestively providing him with a bit more information than he wished to have.
He looked at Kol with disgust and Grayson mimicked his expression while Kol held him.
"Caroline wasn't taking it when you were together?" Kol queried, somewhat surprised as he passed a giggling Grayson over to him to that he could take his turn helping him down the slide.
"We discussed it," he explained, bouncing Grayson in his arms. "But, we didn't exactly have much time to act on it," he reminded Kol, referring to the short-lived natured of his second round with Caroline.
Kol snorted.
"Well, at least you know she's not pregnant with your child," Kol chuckled with a shrug, trying to make light of the situation as only he could.
The last thing he and Caroline needed to worry about was another baby, he thought, somewhat relieved by Kol's offhanded effort to reassure him.
"What if she's seeing someone else?" Kol asked him.
"It's none of my business," he said simply, not wanting to think about it as he tried to ignore Kol's question by making faces with Grayson on the play mat.
"How would it make you feel?" Kol pressed, pushing him to open up.
"She made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to move forward with me, so there's not much I can do," he shrugged helplessly. "I can't force her to be with me if she doesn't want to."
Kol seemed disappointed by his indifference.
"I don't know what to tell you Niklaus," Kol sighed. "There's no point in obsessing over her birth control if you're not going to make the effort to try and get her back."
He glared at Kol once more as they caught the attention of some passing mothers with his mention of birth control.
"You're right," he agreed defeated, knowing that there was no reason to feel upset by his discovery if he and Caroline were both moving on.
"This is probably the only time I derive no enjoyment from hearing you say that," Kol shook his head, clearly unimpressed by his lack of motivation.
"What?" he retorted. "She ended it with me," he reiterated to Kol.
Kol's eyebrows rose.
"Because you scared her away," Kol countered.
He huffed in annoyance.
"Bonnie has gotten in your head," he concluded, frustrated that even his own brother appeared to sympathize with Caroline.
"Bonnie did nothing of the sort," Kol replied defensively. "Did it ever occur to you Niklaus that in my small New York apartment, I sometimes hear my fiancée talking to her best friend on the phone?"
His attention was divided between Kol and Grayson, as he glanced up at Kol curiously while tossing a red ball in Grayson's direction.
Kol sat down on the mat beside him, reaching for the ball which Grayson had nudged in his direction.
"Before this year, you and Caroline had a shaky past. We all experienced a huge loss. You and Caroline became overnight parents to that little rugrat," he said, pausing to push the ball back towards Grayson who was focused on a toddler playing with large foam blocks nearby. "And in the midst of all that, you and Caroline started messing around again."
He shot Kol another threatening stare for the volume of his voice.
"Really, the two of you were only together for a few months before you decided to overwhelm the situation even further by confessing your love and inviting her to move to New York," Kol illustrated critically. "Obviously, she hesitated. It was too much all at once."
With a sigh, he fell back against the mat as an amused Grayson attempted to crawl up his torso.
"So, Dr. Kol, what do you propose I do?" he asked, hating that he was resorting to his younger brother for any type of advice.
He held Grayson's waist as he sat him atop his chest, staring up at him, making silly faces to entertain him while he waited for Kol to answer his question.
"You've always been impatient, Niklaus," Kol laughed to himself. "You have to give her time. Make sure she knows where you stand, but be patient – be present for her and Grayson. That's all you can do."
His mind drifted to the news about the court case he had yet to tell Caroline about. While Kol's words of encouragement made things sound so effortless, he knew that once he revealed to Caroline his parents' next move, and the inadvertent role he had played in weakening their position, his chances with her would be even worse.
Back at the house, he was happy to see a bouquet of balloons at the curb of the driveway to identify the location for the party guests that would be arriving in a few hours.
The front of the house was decorated with colourful streamers from post to post with more balloons, and as they pulled up the driveway to the back of the house, the party theme was definitely starting to take shape.
"Holy shit," Kol said. "Caroline needs to plan my birthday party next year," he said giddily as he hopped out of the car and began helping Grayson from his car seat.
He was able to get a better look for himself after he retrieved the last minute items from the trunk that Caroline had frantically asked them to pick up on their way home.
There was an inflatable bouncy castle that resembled a red and white striped circus tent in the far corner of the back yard – an inflatable slide accompanied it. Grayson's older mates from daycare would appreciate it, he thought.
Bonnie was filling up an inflatable pool – he assumed that was for the duck carnival game Caroline had planned.
Camille was nearby inflating balloons and April was at a table setting up what he assumed to be the candy bar Caroline had mentioned.
It was then that he noticed Caroline emerge onto the back porch, her eyes wandering over a list attached to a clip board that she had in her hand until she looked up to notice that he and Kol had returned with Grayson in tow.
"Thank god, you're back!" Caroline said to them as she approached hurriedly.
He extended the grocery bags towards her.
"I can't believe I forgot the napkins and the cutlery," Caroline lamented. "Thank you for stopping on your way back. I'm glad I caught you before you got back," she said.
"You've been busy," Kol observed, glancing around the backyard.
Caroline nodded in agreement with an exhausted sigh.
"Did the birthday boy have a good time?" she asked, smiling at Grayson as she kissed his nose.
"Too much of a good time," he informed her as Kol handed Grayson to him. "I'd say Gray is ready for a nap before his party."
"I think I could use a nap too," Caroline decided jokingly.
"Why don't you give us our marching orders and you can take Grayson upstairs and rest with him for a bit before the party?" he suggested.
He felt guilty that she had taken on planning this party herself.
She shook her head determinedly.
"There's still so much to do," she started, her eyes wandering around the yard anxiously, likely running down her mental list of outstanding tasks to be completed before the party could begin despite the clipboard in her hand.
"What else can I do to help, Care?" a male voice said to the side of him.
He turned his head to see Matt, propping up the cartoon carnival cut out he and Kol had finished painting yesterday night, now assembled with a wooden stand at the back for it to stand upright.
Immediately, he felt his face tighten as he forced himself to greet Matt with a nod. He was familiar with Matt from his days at the Grill, and his dalliance with Vicki – his sister – but that was it.
"I have some more displays that you can assemble," Caroline readily suggested before turning her attention back to him and Kol.
"Kol, you can help your fiancée finish up with the balloons and streamers," Caroline instructed.
Kol nodded with a salute, garnering an amused scoff from Caroline.
That left him without a task, waiting for her further instruction.
"Can you put Gray down for his nap?" she asked.
He agreed without hesitation, though on the inside he could feel himself stewing about Matt's presence and what it meant.
Caroline smiled at them thankfully before she led Matt off to the garage where he and Kol had worked on the displays the night before.
There was nothing that he could do to hide the sour expression on his face.
"I hate to say I told you so," Kol snickered triumphantly, referring to their earlier conversation, before setting off in Bonnie's direction.