Storm of the North

Chapter 14

Q&A

Guest: Okay… gonna need to clear this up (is it that I can't write clearly or this guy couldn't read). No I don't work in a strip joint. The building is what is called a gentlemen's club, which is sometimes used as a euphemism for a strip joint. SO, to make clear, it was NOT a strip joint. And my boss wasn't the one who called me, it was one of the neighbors. I didn't assume there was a fire. If you know anything about fireplaces, you might know each of them should have a hatch/panel of some kind, that prevent air flow through the chimney when not in use. This has a few functions, main one is preventing cold air from coming in through the chimney. But since air can't flow in, it won't flow out either. And if air doesn't go out, neither does smoke, which mostly kill the fire since it robs it of oxygen. Now my assumption was, because it has happened before, was that some fuck up didn't open the hatch and tried to use the fireplace and fucked up. I was going down there to survey the assumed minor damage and tear the dumbass using the fireplace a new one. But no, it was an actual fire.

Winterfell, 298 AC

It was the morning of leaving. Jon and Ygritte, along with supplies, new men for the wall and surprisingly Tyrion, would ride with them up until the King's Road, after which they would head north and Naruto and Ned would head south with the royals.

Jon was giving an early birthday present to Arya. A thin sword that fit well with the basics of water dancing Arya had shown her. They had mostly focused on some footwork until Lyanna became pregnant and couldn't continue teaching. Arya ha wanted Naruto to teach her but the man just ruffled her hair and told her she needed to grow a bit.

And Naruto was going to give Jon an early birthday gift before they departed. It had taken him a lot of time and favors to get it together. But Jon was ready. He was going to go on his first own adventure. Now he and Lyanna were waiting for Jon to come to their rooms as agreed. They'd also be giving Ygritte something she might like.

"You think he'll like it?" Naruto asked as he gazed at the present, laid on the table before them.

"Yes. He'll love it. Most kings would die of envy if they knew about this." Lyanna nodded as Naruto nodded.

The knock came and they invited Jon ang Ygritte in. Naruto gathered his thoughts and began speaking.

"Jon, you're about to embark on your first adventure without me or Lyanna there to watch over you. We knew this day would come, so we've been preparing for it. It's taken a lot of time and contacts in Essos to get this done. But, it's finally ready." Naruto indicated to the table. It had grieves and varmbraces and a knife on it along with a bow. The armor pieces were layered with images of wolves on them. The knife's metal had rippled pattern and was dusky in color.

"Is that…?" Jon began in wonder, looking at Naruto in awe. At his nod Jon reached for the knife and stopped, looking at his mother and father with a clear look of asking for permission. At their slight nod, he took the knife carefully in his hand and brought it better in to the light to examine it. The knife had a longer, slimmer blade than average that slightly curved with a handle that curved in the opposite direction, making it fit into the palm of the user. The handle was wrapped in leather for better grip.*

"It's real valyrian steel?" Jon questioned.

"Yes and it's for you" Naruto nodded "The base of the armor used is also valyrian steel. The dark leather is to hide it more easily. But when you block with them in an emergency, you'll not be losing a limb at least."

Naruto then turned to Ygritte and picked up a bow, holding it up for Ygritte "That's from Summer Isles. It's made up of a tree called Goldenheart. If it's to be believed, they're the best wooden bows in the world. Please don't lose it."

Ygritte took the bow for examination, then put it down on the table and pulled both Naruto and Lyanna in to a hug. She mumbled "Thank you".

When she let them go, they noticed Jon trying on the varmbraces. They seemed to fit fairly well. They extended from a bit over the wrist over to the elbow.

"What has the world come to when the boy we raised doesn't hug us, but the girl he brought home does?" Lyanna rose an eyebrow. Jon flushed and moved over to hug them.

"Take care boy, we want you back home safe with Ygritte." Naruto spoke as they hugged. "If there's nothing wrong at the Wall, get back to Winterfell. Lyanna will need help with the baby."

As they left, Ned was feeling a mix of things. Catelyn had thrown a tantrum over Lyanna being put in charge. He'd never admit it but, he'd read the book Naruto told him about. Catelyn had been quiet as a mouse when they'd left. Might have something to do with the pain in her bottom. Who knew a southern lady like her was so suppressed with her wants in the bedchamber. The other part in the mix was that Naruto had begun to cram Ned's head full of info on the bigger players in Kingslanding.

They'd started with the small council and the members there. How they got there, what they'd done, what you could expect them to do. The last one had mostly the same answer: Anything they could to drive their own interest. What those interest were was up in the air. As far as Naruto knew Littlefinger wanted money and influence for now and Pycelle wanted to work the Lannister advantage. Varys was the big question. How do get inside the head of a person, who doesn't have the same wants as most people. Sure, he was a spy, but he didn't act like common man, because he wasn't. No cock most commonly meant no interest in men or women. Lust, in its various forms, was fairly easy to understand. Anything beyond that was harder.

Robert's brother, Renly, wanted to drink and laze around. He also wanted to bugger other men. So, no surprises there. Fairly easy to understand he wanted high station and peace.

Stannis wasn't in Kingslanding, but he was kindred to Naruto and Ned. A warrior through and through. Valued loyalty and duty. Also, a hard ass with a stick up his ass bigger than a ships mast. He was someone who they could rely on so long as they were on the side of the law. If they deviated from that however, all bets were off.

Lord commander was the only one they were sure wouldn't stab them in the back. Barristan was someone who didn't give shits about politics. The man took his vows seriously.

The only pawn to stick out right below the council was the commander of the city guard, Janos Slynt. The man got his position because he was good at violence and got things done with a little coin. He was also a frequent visitor to Littlefingers whorehouses. So, Naruto was fairly sure Littlefinger owned the man, for now at least. Naruto had already informed Ned he was putting an asset near Littlefinger as soon as he could. It would unfortunately not get there before they arrived so they would be behind the curve. But, if the push came to shove, they had someone to end Littlefinger if need be.

The only other notable player Naruto had informed him of was Tywin. Now this was a sticking point for Ned. The man wasn't actively in the city. How could he hold the strings? Naruto had then dryly informed him that Tywin owned most of the guards in the Red Keep. That was definitely a problem, one they couldn't really do anything about.

They had time to ride, think and plan.

To Naruto the journey was long and boring. Nothing to fight. Nothing new to read. Robert wanted to stop at ever inn to drink with Ned and fuck a wench.

It did give him time to learn about their Queen and the Crown Prince. What he found out, was that both were narcissistic and showed entitlement greater than most babies were capable of. Which is why the two younger children threw him for a loop. Myrcella and Tommen were innocents and good in behavior. Not good in behavior like Joffrey, who acted nicely, but clearly under the surface laid insanity. Good as in they weren't cruel. Naruto had met Robert when they were young and the boy was full of himself even back then. Made you wonder where these two inherited from. Because it certainly wasn't from Robert or Cersei. Maybe Lady Joanna Lannister, Naruto had heard she was a good woman, not just a good lady. Could also be Roberts mother Lady Cassana Estermont. Or they simply didn't have any fury and cruelty in them after Joffrey was born. It could also be the fact that Cersei seemed to ignore the younger children and dote on Joffrey.

There came a few incidents while they were on the road.

First was the news from Varys that Daenerys 'Stormborn' Targaryen was getting married to Khal Drogo, a Dothraki horse lord. Robert didn't like that one bit and wanted the girl dead. Naruto's family sources in Essos said the Daenerys was a quiet, beautiful girl who looked like she wouldn't hurt a fly. Naruto could only summarize this marriage was for her brother to gain an army. He'd also gotten information on the brother. Viserys 'Beggar King' Targaryen. The man had gone crazy from either his blood or the stress of being on the run. He had delusions of grandeur and had the idea that the Dothraki were going to cross the sea to win him the throne. If an army of master horse riders somehow crossed water they avoided at all costs, they had a good chance of taking at least five of the seven kingdoms.

Dorne, would most likely ally themselves against the Baratheon/Lannister alliance that would form. The Dothraki would break against Eyries 'Bloody Gate' and the North's 'Neck' in an attack against them. They would ravage the Riverlands, which would most likely force the North to respond, which might break the armies of the North enough that they might get through the 'Neck' and get into the North. It would be another thing entirely of how far they'd get before they would be surrounded from multiple sides and the Northerners started to squeeze. Also, the climate would have been against the invaders.

Kingslanding would fall frighteningly fast, if not from the enemy surrounding them, then from the infighting when the people would rebel in hopes of being spared the pain.

Reach had plentiful fields to burn and shadow leader in the form of Olenna Tyrell. Naruto had no idea what they would do. They had the most food and knights to last a siege, but there was also the route of selling one of their family members in marriage to get the violence to stop. Olenna's granddaughter might wish to be queen, not really caring who she was queen for. Buying the rest of the Seven Kingdoms with a single marriage. Isn't that a concept.

The Stormlands and Stroms End might fall, but it had been saved before and this time they had the one who saved them, working for the fulltime. Most likely it would fall for the same reason as Kingslanding would, rebelliousness within the city.

The Westerlands would be the one they might focus on. Gold is fine and all, but take away Lannisport by burning it down, then they have nowhere to go for food. Also, in theory, if you were insane enough, you could fill the cave under Casterlyrock with wildfire and set it alight. If done correctly, the structure might give away and take down at least a part of the castle.

Iron Islands… the Dothraki wouldn't be bothered. They wouldn't want to live in the coast anyway, so if the Iron Islanders would want to really raid, they'd have to go North or inland. Both options were terrible for them. If they Went North, they'd get broken since the North would be prepare because of the Dothraki and if they went inland elsewhere, they would be hit in sides by the Dothraki who'd crush them since they were basically reavers on land. Dragonstone would be hard for them to take also since if Stannis was there with his ships. They'd avoid the barren rock without goods if they could.

These predictions were based on the assumption that no houses in a kingdom were opportunists and wouldn't turn on their leaders. Now that, that was wistful thinking. But, the reality of the situation was that the Dothraki most likely couldn't take Westeros, simply because they wouldn't cross the sea. Still good to think theoretical situations through.

The other incident was an altercation between Arya and Joffrey. Naruto still snickered at it. It seems Joffrey and Sansa had been walking in the woods where they had encountered Arya and the butchers boy who were playfighting. The insane little boy had actually drawn live steel against the daughter of the newly instated Han of the King. Luckily Arya had remembered her first lesson in defending herself and managed to kick Joffrey in the balls. The first kick had drawn a squeal from the boy and dropped him in the ground with him also dropping his blade. The next two kick to the balls had made the boy vomit. Then Arya and the butchers boy had run back to camp and told Naruto and Ned what had happened. When the Queen had come screeching in with guards following, Naruto was still nearly dying of laughter. Which stopped when the first guard drew their blade and Naruto asked them if they'd already made plans for their funerals while drawing his own. These weren't veterans of war. These were green boy's and thugs who were used to pushing around peasants who were armed with sticks. One made the decision to try an intimidate Naruto. That ended with a broken nose from Naruto's headbutt.

They had taken it to Robert for arbitration. Cersei screeched, Joffrey still squealed and Sansa was aghast that Arya had dared kick Joffrey. The prince tried to spin some bullshit story about Arya attacking Joffrey, with Sansa, disappointingly to both Ned and Naruto, trying to impress the prince by backing up his story. That changed rather fast when Ned commanded Sansa to look him in the eye and tell what happened. Robert could only palm his face in shame with the fact that his armed son had lost against an unarmed younger girl. Cersei had tried to demand they kill Arya's wolf in 'retribution'. They decided to send the wolf back North with some men.

When the sentence had been given Joffrey tried to hiss at Arya that she'd pay for this. Naruto had informed the brat that if he did something to Arya, Naruto would do whatever he did to Joffrey. That got the tension going again, till Robert took the back of his hand to Joffrey and declared nobody would be doing anything to anyone. Look at that, Naruto was actually wrong, Robert still had his swing it seems. All in all, that whole incident made Naruto chuckle.

They were now nearing Kinglanding and Naruto could already smell the shit. What was wrong with the kings who'd lived here? You'd think sanitation would be pretty high on their to-do-list. Naruto hoped that someday they'd get someone on that. Someone with experience with drains and cisterns. Naruto smiled with an evil glint. Oh, he couldn't wait for Tyrion to get back from the North.

To be continued…

Next update, next weekend. Reviews always appreciated!

*Assassin's Creed 1, Altair's blade for imagining.