Chapter 8 - From the Past

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Complete exhaustion, physical and emotional, overtakes me moments after we're safely in hyperspace. Leaving the hyperdrive area, I step into another side room on the ship where no one else is right now. I need to be alone for at least a little while to get myself under control and have some time to think. I should go check on Luke, but that will wait until I'm ready to face the barrage of questions I know will be coming.

Sinking to the floor, I bury my head in my hands. How could everything have come to this? I struggle to accept the mind-numbing truth. He's gone. Anakin, my master, my brother, is gone. Not gone. Fallen. Is there even anything of the person I knew left?

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have just left him like that? I didn't know it would hurt him so much, but it should have been obvious. It's obvious now. He always cared more than he should have, and I'd never paid close enough attention to his feelings. I'm so sorry, Master. I failed you. I will make up for it. I promise.

The reality crushes me. Everyone's gone. I'm alone. All alone. And there's no one to help. Not Plo. Not Obi-Wan. Not Yoda. And certainly not Anakin. I'm here, in the future, for who knows how long, foreseeing everything that was going to happen. Maybe I can change it. Maybe. I have to try. I can't just sit back and watch this all happen.

Suddenly I hear footsteps approaching. Someone's coming. Chewbacca appears in the doorway, and growls softly.

"What's wrong?"

"I just – everything," I mumble. Perhaps 'what isn't?' would have been a more correct response. "How is Luke doing?" I ask hastily, attempting to veer the topic away from myself. I reluctantly climb to my feet, but I probably should try to get my mind on something else. At least for now.

"He'll be alright. He'll get a replacement paw as soon as we arrive at the Rebellion," responds the Wookie, walking over and wrapping his huge fury arms around me. I hug him back. It's… unusual, but right now, it seems to make me feel a little better. And it's a reminder that maybe I'm not as completely alone as I feel. If I tell them the truth, I won't have to share this burden alone. At least not now.

"You're Ahsoka Tano. How is it that you're still a cub?" he asks, letting go of me.

"How do you that's who I am?" I inquire.

"You smell just like her," he explains. Oh. That was… unexpected.

"That's something I'm sure the others are wondering as well. Perhaps we should go out there, so I don't have to be repeating this twice," I suggest. I'm still not really in the mood for having a long conversation with everyone, but obviously I can't avoid it any longer. Besides, I'd rather get it over with now.

We go into the main hold where all the others are gathered. I'm honestly a little surprised that Luke's still conscious, and I can tell he has a million questions to ask me. Right now, I'm just grateful that he doesn't mention any of the things I definitely don't want to talk about in front of everyone. Hopefully, that will be a conversation we can privately, later. Preferably, much later.

"Who are you anyway?" questions Leia.

"A new friend of Luke, Ahsoka Tano," I reply. She stares at me, a mixture of shock and confusion. What? Has she heard of me?

"But you're dead!" she splutters. Oh, nice to know that in twenty years from now I'm going to be dead. A good thing to add to my list of concerns right now, but for some reason, that knowledge isn't bothering me as immensely as it should. Maybe my emotions are too messed up for it to sink in right now. "And how could you look so young? Aren't you, like, thirty-something? You look like half your age!"

"I know this is hard to believe, but I'm from the past." Just as simple as that.

"What?!" cries Luke. All the others just gape at me in shock. Except Chewie.

"That's impossible!" exclaims Lando.

"The probability of someone time-traveling is approximately one in two million, three hundred sixty-five thousand, nine hundred seventy-four," protests Threepio, and I'm hardly sure if he's trying to say it is possible or if he's agreeing with the others that it isn't. Where does he even get those calculations from anyway?

"The Force brought me to the planet Luke was on," I explain, "But from the past."

"But – but that means…" Luke mutters, before trailing off. I can see the multitude of questions of his eyes, and I'm grateful he doesn't start asking them right now.

"I don't believe this," frowns Leia skeptically, crossing her arms.

"It's true, Leia," Luke replies. Thankfully, he's standing up for me. "When she appeared on that planet – she was completely clueless about everything." Hey! "She didn't even know what the Death Star was."

"Besides, she smells identical to the Ahsoka Tano I met years ago," insists Chewbacca, "Even a clone of her wouldn't be the same." Good to know.

Leia continues to look doubtful but doesn't object, which means this conversation is about over.

I can still see the questions in Luke's eyes, but he doesn't speak. A different time.

**w**

I'm still completely exhausted in every way possible. We'll be reaching the Rebellion base tomorrow. First thing, Luke will be getting a replacement hand, and Lando and Chewie will be leaving to try and find Han. Strangely enough, they'll be heading to Tatooine. Now, though, I just need to try to get some sleep.

The next thing I know, I'm not awake, but I'm not quite sleeping, either. It's a vision. Someone is standing in front of me, someone I've only seen once before in my life, back on Mortis so long ago. My older self.

I find myself completely speechless at first. Am I dead or alive in this time? Because I've never heard of live people communicating with each other like this if it's really happening, although considering this is myself, it may be an exception.

"When are you from?" she speaks first after studying me for a long moment.

Finally, I find my voice. "The Council just asked me to – to rejoin," I explain, shifting uncomfortably at the mention of that again. I'm still hurt, upset, and feeling betrayed over that mess, but I know there's no way I can leave Anakin now. Not when he needs me most. Now that I know, I'll never leave him.

But the Jedi… I'm not ready to rejoin them, not after everything that happened. When they betrayed me the moment there was even a hint that I could have turned my loyalties against them, after I'd spent my life dedicated to them, there was no longer any way I could remain in the Order. But I can't stay with Anakin and also leave the Order. It would never work. We'd hardly be around each other most of the time with the war going on. But… to just rejoin after everything they did to me… It's not so simple. I need more time to figure this out.

My older self nods, a look of understanding creeping onto her face, which snaps me out of my thoughts. "Just remember that the future is always in motion. This future does not have to happen. The Force brought you here to find out certain things about the future so you could change it when you return to your own time."

I nod. "I know." To say this interaction is weird would be an understatement. After all, it's my older self, who knows everything about me, plus much more. And what I could have caused. We know each other better than anyone else ever could. "How do I know what I need to do?" I ask.

She pauses before answering. "I can't tell you the changes you need to make. This is something you have to figure out on your own. The most I can do is direct you to what needs to change. By showing you some memories." She steps closer to me. "I'll let you see it with your own eyes." She puts a hand on me – which is weird considering that we're the same person – and then the scene in front of my eyes changes.

I'm meditating… or at least that's what my older self is doing. I know instinctively as I appear here that I'm not in control of my body. I'll only be able to watch whatever is about to happen from the background.

"Ahsoka," a familiar voice speaks in the background. Was that Anakin? My eyes open and I turn my head, scanning the dark room. No one is there. I must have just been my – our – imaginations. I want to hear him again badly enough that I'm imagining it. I miss him that much… which shouldn't be too surprising. Turning back around, I attempt to go back to meditating.

"Ahsoka," the voice calls my name louder this time. It's definitely Anakin. I've missed him so much even though it's only been a few days. I want to see him again. I really want to turn around but my older-self doesn't move.

"Why did you leave?" he asks, sounding so… betrayed, "Where were you when I needed you?" Yes, at the end of the day, it was the cause of everything. It may not actually have led to it, but if I'd stayed… I could have prevented his fall. Which is why I should have stayed, but in this world, I didn't, so I have to bear the consequences. But… I'll really need to think on this more later. I don't know what to do.

"I made a choice," I hear myself say, "I couldn't stay." I look down at the floor. No, I could have stayed. I just didn't want to because there was too much going on. With what the Order did, seeing how corrupted it was… but did that really justify leaving Anakin when he needed me most? It's not until now I realize he would have been having as difficult a time as I was coming to terms with it all.

"You were selfish." Anakin's tone is harsher this time, accusing.

"No," my older self insists. It was her this time, not at all me, because I wouldn't say the same. I know it's true. I left him over my own self-interest, too caught up in my own emotions to see his.

"You abandoned me! You failed me!" he yells. A red hue begins to illuminate the room from behind me. "Do you know what I have become?"

Mechanical breathing reaches my ears – Vader's breathing. I already knew it's true, but that doesn't make seeing him again any easier. "No! No!" I scream, whipping out my lightsabers and activating them. White blades shoot out the ends. A passing thought flickers through my mind, wondering when I got white lightsabers, but I'll have to ask later.

I whirl around to see nothing. The red hue is gone and so is my master, not that he was ever here exactly. We were communicating through the Force. This time my body reacts the way I really want to. I sink to the floor in despair.

Just then, even though I'm far from ready to continue this, the scene before my eyes changes completely once more. I'm in a strange place. Vader is standing not far off with his red lightsaber raised. On the ground is a boy with black hair whom I don't recognize, which isn't surprising considering he looks quite young and this must be happening many years in the future from my timeline. Who is he, anyway? I suppose it doesn't really matter.

"Perhaps I was wrong," states Vader, raising his lightsaber higher, preparing to strike.

I step closer, unignited lightsabers in my hands, as electricity crackles in the background. "It wouldn't be the first time."

Vader turns around to face me, deactivating his lightsaber. "It was foretold that you would be here. Our long-awaited meeting has come at last."

"I'm glad I gave you something to look forward to."

"We need not be adversaries. The Emperor will show you mercy if you tell me where the remaining Jedi can be found." He says it in the same tone he did when making the offer to me back on Cloud City. And if it wasn't for what he was asking, I have no doubt I would have. Same for my older self.

"There are no Jedi. You and your inquisitors have seen to that!" I retort, bravely stepping closer to him.

"Perhaps this child will confess what you will not," Vader replies, turning to look down at the boy on the ground.

"I was beginning to believe I knew who you were behind that mask, but it's impossible," I retort, "My master could never be as vile as you."

"Anakin Skywalker was weak. I destroyed him." Is that really what he thinks? No. No. It's not possible. Anakin is still there. I know he is. Or he would have killed me when he had the chance. Both in this timeline, and on Cloud City. Hope sparks within me. Anakin's not gone. He's still there somewhere, hidden. Maybe I can bring him back. It's not supposed to be possible to turn a Sith back, but then again, time travel isn't supposed to be possible either.

"Then I will avenge his death."

"Revenge is not the Jedi way."

"I am no Jedi." The response was definitely unexpected on my part. How much happened with me in this time period? In a swift move, I ignite my two white lightsabers and lunge forwards. He reactivated his red blade, and I charge the rest of the way to where he's standing, leaping into the air and our blades clash.