I love Janto: yeah but he might still get jealous.
Crack!fic
Torchwood's new current guests were getting really annoying so Ianto put up a list a rules. The list read:
Rules not Torchwood (disobeying results in decaf or worse)
1. I will not tell Ianto Jones that his coffee is horrible.
2. I will not call Ianto Jones Jack's part-time shag, eye candy or anything else of that nature unless I want to get shot in the shoulder.
3. I will not mess with the rift.
4. I will not ask Jack why he doesn't marry the hand in the jar if it means so much to him.
5. I will not give Jack suggestions on what he should do with a weevil.
6. I will not buy Ianto Jones a wedding dress no matter how good I think he would look in one.
7. I will not ask Owen to play Doctor with me.
8. I will not feed Myfawny chocolate laxatives.
9. I will not mess with the computers, especially not while Tosh is using them.
10. I will not sell maps to Torchwood's secret base.
11. I will not say that's what she said every time Jack says something.
12. Owen's proper title isn't the weevil king and he does not need a crown or throne.
13. It is none of my business what Jack and Ianto did with the stopwatch and Jack is not allowed to tell me.
14. Being a hardcore Janto shipper is not a perfectly good reason to lock Gwen in the closet for an episode or two.
15. I will not say "ask Ianto he knows everything" every time someone asks me a question.
16. I will not mess with the coffee machine. Blowing up the coffee machine is not funny.
17. I will not tell John Hart that Ianto is Jack's new wife.
18. Jack and John do not need marriage counselling. I will stop insisting that they do. I will not offer them marriage counselling regardless of whether or not its free of charge.
19. No I can't have a pet pterodactyl or anything else that people in twenty-first century don't normally have as pets. It doesn't matter if Ianto has one.
20. I will not go weevil fighting for kicks.
21. I will not hide Jack's coat or hide Ianto's stopwatch.
22. I will not point out that Torchwood really isn't that secret.
23. I will not say "because your breaking my heart" every time Owen asks why he shouldn't do something.
24. I will not ask Jack how something is physical possible.
25. I will not walk in on Jack and Ianto on purpose. Three times in a row is not an accident.
26. If I lose my hand or any other body part I will not give it to Jack as a present.
27. Gwen must not make eyes at Jack.
This chapter seemed like a good idea at the time now I'm not too sure. If you can think of anymore rules review and tell me.