I am actually the worst. I have not updated in like 15 months and I didn't plan on continuing this story because I'd tried to write more but it was pure crap and going nowhere. But so many lovely readers have asked that I finish so here we are.
Chapter 12
"So…that went well."
Rachel huffs, suitably unimpressed. "Yeah, couldn't have gone any better."
She sighs, resting her forehead against the cab window. Mike does the same, mentally willing the driver to go faster.
The ride had been awkward enough with Donna in the cab. Donna hadn't said a word and neither had they for fear of making things worse. It was stupid, this whole thing was stupid.
Mike had been relieved when they had finally pulled up on the curb outside of Donna's apartment. She'd left without as much as a goodbye. He supposed they didn't really deserve one.
The night had been an unmitigated disaster, and he's largely to blame. Best leave the scheming to the pros from now on.
"We did a really shitty thing, Mike," Rachel mutters from her side of the cab.
"Rachel," he says, reaching out to touch her forearm, "You can't blame yourself."
She scoffs, turning to face Mike. "We, Mike. We both did this. And it seems like all we accomplished was making our friends mad at us in addition to each other."
"Alright, alright," he relents. "The plan was a bad idea."
"The plan was never fool-proof to begin with."
"I just figured if we got them together, you know, outside of work, things would sort themselves out."
Okay so definitely hadn't thought it through. He didn't even know what they were fighting about to begin with.
"Hmm," Rachel hums, clearly refraining from calling him (and his plan, for that matter) idiotic.
"Do you know what the hell is going on with those two?" he asks.
Rachel regards him curiously. "You mean you can't tell after what we just witnessed?"
"I have my suspicions," he cryptically replies. It's all rather ambiguous, he thinks - and absolutely none of his business. He has once again learned his lesson the hard way. "I think it's safe if we don't interfere for a while."
Rachel nods her head tiredly in agreement. "I just…hate seeing them both so miserable."
"You and me both," he pauses, "Think they'll be speaking to us on Monday?"
"I think some serious grovelling is in order."
Mike groans. "I am going to be so broke after a week of paying for Donna's outrageous coffee addiction."
This manages to get a small laugh out of Rachel, a fond smile gracing her lips. Mike smiles goofily right back at her.
He loses her for a moment again when she retreats back to the window, watching the blur of cars as they whiz past. Mike takes the opportunity to just observe her quietly – though fully aware that she probably knows he is staring. But he's had just the right number of drinks that he can't bring himself to care.
"Mike?" she says, and he's too busy watching her to notice her hand slipping into his. She gives his hand a light squeeze.
"Rachel," he responds as evenly as he can.
"I don't want to be like them, okay?"
"What? Harvey and Donna? We're nothing like them –"
"I don't want to be miserable, Mike. They just…god, they are such a mess without one another. And…I don't want to spend the next ten years of my life just being your friend."
Rachel kisses him before he even has a chance to process her words. It's soft, brief and over too soon, but she's grinning when she pulls away from him.
The cab jolts to a sudden stop outside of Rachel's apartment building. She slides out, leaving the door open. Mike throws a hundred dollar bill at the driver for a twenty dollar cab ride, and practically launches himself from his seat, clambering after Rachel.
After passing out on his couch and waking up early in the morning, Harvey decides he's done with wallowing in self-pity. He goes for a run, losing himself easily in the same familiar path, pushing himself harder and harder until his joints begin to ache and his pulse is thrumming in his ears.
He gets a total of ten messages from Mike and three missed calls. They're all mostly apologies that he's not quite ready to hear. He's moved on from being pissed. Right now he just can't be bothered dealing with an endless set of questions he doesn't have answers for. All messages and phone calls go unreturned.
He's back at his office at Pearson Darby before the sun sets. Work comes easily; it's always been his favourite distraction. He analyses the files for his latest case until his eyes are blurry and tired. But he doesn't stop, and he doesn't pour himself a scotch either.
It's a while before he notices Jessica standing in front of his desk. She's wrapped in an elaborate pale dress, wearing those lethal high heels she's so fond of. He wonders if she's been in the office the entire time and he just failed to notice.
"What are you doing here, Harvey?"
He furrows his brow. "Working."
"I mean what are you doing here on a Sunday?" she clarifies.
"I come in on Sundays all the time."
Jessica eyes him knowingly. "Actually it's been weeks since you have come in on a Sunday. Which is curious because the Harvey I know would have been working seven days a week to prove a point."
"And what point would that be?"
"That I was wrong to dismiss you as a named partner."
Her words hang heavily in the air. But he knows this isn't an admission. "But you're not saying that, are you?"
"I'm saying that you've been distracted. You've been off."
He opens his mouth to protest. "I don't need to hear you deny it," she cuts him off. "I just want to hear that you're going to pull your head out of your ass."
He glares at her. "What would you have me do? Plan a coup and overthrow Darby? Overthrow you?" he retorts.
Harvey knows this riles her, but she keeps her composure, as always.
"I want you to fight for your name on the door. I'd have you earn it."
Harvey averts his gaze, returning his focus to his work. He wants to tell her that he's fought enough. But that wouldn't be true, would it?
"I also want to ask yourself if all of this worth it," she says.
His head snaps up. "What?"
Jessica holds his gaze. He understands then, what she's really saying; ask yourself if she's worth it. Because of course she's always known.
"Will that be all?" he asks.
Jessica nods, exiting his office. She pauses at the door. "Dana Scott handed in her resignation," she says. "I thought you'd like to know."
She's probably the last person he wants to see but Harvey shows up at her door anyway. As for her, she doesn't even seem surprised to see him standing there. That's not to say she's happy about it though.
"You knew I'd be here."
"Of course I did. You never stay anywhere else in New York."
She purses her lips. Harvey clears his throat. "Can I –"
"You're not coming in, Harvey," she says with a smirk.
Harvey slips his hands in his pockets and grins. "I deserve that."
"What a cliché, showing up at my door to apologise when you could have easily called."
"You deserve better than a phone call, Scottie."
Her face softens and she almost smiles at him. It brings him right back to the moment he first saw her all those years ago; the blue dress he can still picture vividly in his mind. Beautiful and challenging. She's still both those things all these years later and Harvey thinks he quite easily could have fallen in love with her.
"I am sorry that things ended this way," he says.
He's sorry she has to uproot her life again. He's sorry he didn't let her go when she told him she loved him. He's sorry he hurt her. He's sorry for all of it.
"Me too."
He falls silent, glancing awkwardly around the hall.
"Can I ask you something?" Scottie says.
"Of course."
"Did we ever have a chance?" she asks. "I don't mean in law school because we were just kids then, but…after. Do you think we could have?"
He's thought about this a lot over the years, if there was ever a time for them. If it had already passed or if it was set to happen in the future.
"I think so."
Scottie nods, neither disappointed or satisfied with his vague answer. He wants to give her more and he doesn't ever want to diminish what they had. But he'll never be able to give her the answer she wants. He's not even sure what that is.
"If you hadn't met her?"
"Scottie…"
She wears a sad smile. "I shouldn't have said that. I don't think I want to know the answer anyway."
"When do you leave?" he asks quietly.
"I'm not sure, thinking of staying in the City actually."
"You'll have a hell of a recommendation."
"I won't need it," she scoffs, some of her trademark snark returning.
Harvey kisses her cheek. "Bye Scottie."
"Bye Harvey."
So Donna wasn't in this chapter because I wanted it to be more Harvey-centric and sometimes it gets a bit cluttered with so many POV changes. Anyway, I'm hopefully back on track. More coming and I solemnly swear that the wait will not be as long.