Chapter 5

Beverly came from Leonard's room, walking straight to the nurse's station. She told them that Leonard was hungry and she wants to know if it's alright to get him something to eat. The nurses told her it won't be a problem as long as the food is not hard or too greasy. Beverly then went to where Penny was sitting. "I'm going to get my son something to eat. If you want to see him, no one will stop you." Beverly said then walking away to the cafeteria. Penny stood up and went to Leonard's room. She opened the door slowly, popping her head behind the door and stepping quietly inside. She saw Leonard, sitting on the bed looking at her.

"Hey." he said in low voice.

"Hey." she said. "How are you feeling?" Penny asked.

"It could be better. It still hurts when I move or cough or laugh." said Leonard.

Penny moved closer to the side of the bed. "I'm so sorry Leonard." she said.

"For what?" he asked.

Penny sighed. "Come on Leonard, we both know why you left the party." she said.

Leonard rested his head back on the pillow. "It's not your fault Penny. I shouldn't have left the party alone." said Leonard.

"I know but you left because of me, because I was with, you know." Penny said unable to finish her sentence.

Leonard tried to move himself on the bed. He grunted, feeling the pain from his wounds. "Ugh!" he groaned as he supported himself before leaning back on the pillow. Penny tried to help but hesitated, afraid Leonard might lash out on her. "Penny, I'm not blaming you for what happened. I told you, I never should have left the party alone. You have nothing to apologize for." he said taking a deep breath.

Penny was quiet for a while. "I told you, Zack and I are not really, you know." she said.

"Penny, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm not your boyfriend." he said looking at her. "It's my problem not yours. This is all in my head and I don't have any right to be jealous of who you go out with." he said.

Penny began to cry. "Leonard, I don't want you to hate me." she said covering her face with her hands.

"I don't hate you Penny." he said.

"Really? Because Sheldon hates me. Your mom hates me. Even I hate myself!" she said as she sat on the chair crying her eyes out.

"I told you, I don't hate you." He said. "If anything, I hate myself for still holding on. For thinking that we still have a chance." he said trying hard to control his emotions to avoid his wounds from hurting again.

"If you were still holding on, then why didn't you say anything?" she asked trying hard not to cry.

Leonard glared at her. "Really Penny?" he asked. "You of all people should know how I feel about you. But you always push me away whenever I try." he said reaching for a tissue to dry his eyes.

"I tried Leonard but I get scared every time." she said.

"Then what are we doing here Penny?" he asked. "I've done what I could. I tried to be friends with you. I tried to be friends with Zack. I tried to act normal as if everything was fine and dandy. I tried to bury my feelings but I guess I'm not really good at that." he said drying his eyes again. "Tell me, were you even happy when you were together with me?" he asked.

"Of course I am! What makes you think that I wasn't?" she asked trying hard not cry.

"I don't know Penny. Maybe because after you broke up with me, it took you no time at all to replace me with a tall, stupid, muscular hunk. And when you got bored with him, you got drunk, dumped him and slept with me." he said. "I was so happy thinking that we were finally getting back together. But I guess I don't deserve a second chance huh?" he said.

"I'm sorry Leonard." said Penny.

"And when I thought about it, I guess you got together with me because I was a safe choice. That you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, unlike your past boyfriends who did nothing but use you and then throw you away when they got tired of you." He said looking at her. Penny was unable to respond to the truth in Leonard's words.

"Leonard please tell me how to fix this." She said crying.

"I don't know what to tell you Penny." he said. "I'm done." he added trying to keep himself together.

"What? Are you giving up on us?" she asked.

"There is no 'us' Penny. You made that perfectly clear when you dumped me in front of everyone." he said, feeling another sting from his wounds. "This has to stop. This happened because I kept holding on. Because I didn't move on as easily like you did." he added.

Penny continued crying. "Leonard please!?" she said.

"What do you want from me Penny?" he asked as Penny looked at him, unable to respond. "You want us to get back together? Because of what? Because that will get rid of the guilt that you're feeling and not because you love me. Am I right!?" Leonard said. Penny still didn't respond.

"Leonard please forgive me." Penny pleaded.

Leonard took a deep breath and managed to calm himself down. "Penny, there is nothing to forgive." he said. "I told you, I'm not blaming you for what happened to me." said Leonard as Penny sat back down on the chair and began crying again.

They were silent for a while as Penny slowly calmed down, wiping off her tears with a tissue from her purse. "You know this is the first time we talked like this since you broke up with me." he said.

"You're right." she said.

Beverly came into the room, carrying a few food items for her son. She placed the food on the tray before serving it to Leonard. Penny stood up, wiping her tears. "Leonard, I'm gonna go now. I hope you could forgive me." she said as she walked out the door.

Leonard sighed as he saw Penny leaving while Beverly carried the food tray to his bedside. He took the bottle of orange juice and drank his fill, feeling refreshed after being unconscious for two days. They stayed silent as he began eating while Beverly sat on the chair, looking at him.