Chapter 20: Blood Memories
With my sharp teeth deep in the velvety flesh of my prey, my lips sealed around the gash in her neck that I created. I slowly sip the flavorful goodness that threatened to gush in my mouth like a raging river. Knowing I would never find this glorious taste again, I tried with all my might to do everything to make it last.
With every sip I took each more precious than the last, I grew more oblivious to the chaos and confusion that was unfolding around me.
Liquid thick and warm, so sweet and delicious flowing too fast coated my tongue and throat. With each drink I took - so precious and pure - the satisfaction feeling that grew greater in my stomach filling me up the way animal blood never has. Making me feel totally well.
In my blissful haze I couldn't imagine why I waited this long to taste something so wonderful.
Taking a swig I heard someone gasp for a breath of air. Who it was, I don't know. But that sound so soft and strange, brought me back to a time last year that made the memories pour in my brain.
I was taken back to the 10th grade Science room in a classroom full of children. There I sat at the metal desk frame with the wooden desktop that had the cravings of three spray cans of various sizes etched into the top right corner, accompanied by the words and year, 'Ray Ray was here. =) 1998.' I sat there on the edge of my seat next to the girl with the heart shaped face who smelled too delicious for her own damn good. We were each dissecting owl pellets, as were the rest of the children, trying to distinguish what the owl ate and writing it down on a sheet of paper.
The whole time I could barely concentrate. My mind was not on the Science lesson but the girl who sat in the assigned seat to my right. I couldn't take my mind off of her, no matter how hard I tried, it was no use. Everything about her pulled me in; Her lips, unevenly full and ruby red ruby. Her beautiful long shiny brown hair that smelled of strawberries. Thoses deep chocolate brown eyes of hers, so curious and mysterious, the windows of her soul hiding secrets she'd never tell. Her intelligence and her kindness was unforgettable. Her tenderness towards others - even to the most awkward of children - was always refreshing. The way she displayed her cleverness was nice to see in an institution full of immature children who often hid their intelligence in an attempt to not stick out from their peers, she never did. She was different among the rest.
I had been doing a hell of a good job ignoring her for almost two months at that point. Though there was something inside me that was screaming to talk to her. Needing to hear her voice while she talked to me. I gave up reasoning with myself and decided to let the chips fall into place. While I opened up the nasty smelling furball, also known as an owl pellet, revealing the small bones of the rodents that the winged creature had consumed, an array of possible conversation starters ran through my mind. Not sure of which one to go with I turned my head, leaning over to the girl with the silent mind that made me feel excited in ways that were forend to me.
"Bella," My voice had sounded like an unsure whisper.
She didn't answer, didn't even turn her head. Trying not to draw attention to us while our teacher, who was on the other side of the room, engaged in a conversation about report cards and grades with his assistant. I whispered her name again, this time a little louder.
Bella looked up from her desk in the Science room where she was carefully removing the bones from the fur. At once she turned her head, gasping as she looked at me.
"What do you want?" She asked me, her tone was unfriendly, her eyes hard.
Despite her hostility toward me, I was thrilled to have this girl talking to me.
The most beautiful girl in the world sat at her desk, her eyes looking into my own. She seemed to be waiting for something. But what? I wasn't sure.
"So. Are you speaking to me now or what?" She questioned, irritation was strong in her voice.
Oh! That was right, I had remembered. I had been the one to speak first. I needed to stop staring at her like a brain dead idiot and say something intelligent.
Eyeing the sky blue Baby G watch that was on her delicate creamy white wrist I spoke the first thing that came to my mind. "Is time time for ice cream?"
That was possibly the stupidest thing I could have said. I felt so embarrassed I was tempted to cover my face with my hands but I didn't.
A gasp of air escaped her ruby red lips. Her deep chocolate brown eyes widen. Confusion was painted across her face. "Well that's random." She squinted her eyes as she spoke. "I'm not sure what you are talking about, Edward." She seemed angry at me, but I was too caught up riding the high of hearing her voice to think about it any further.
Badly wanting to hear the musical sound of her voice again I blurred out. "This is our last class for the day. Would you want to be my friend and go get ice cream after the bell rings?"
The startled look on Bella's face was adorable and had me chuckling as I waited for an answer. But instead of giving me an answer that would start our friendship, when her mouth opened only a loud gasp of air was heard.
What? A gasp of air. That wasn't right. That was not how she answered me that day and how we began our friendship that quickly evolved into something more spectacular.
I swallowed a mouthful of blood. Bella gasped from underneath me. The sound so low and faint, pulled me out of my memories.
I was no longer in the 10th grade Science class at Forks High. Instead I was brought back to the present, to Alice and Jasper's living room in the cabin. To where the TV provided background noise while I fed and my brother held me tight and my sister grabbed onto me as well, despite Jasper's potest for her not to get anywhere near me while I was in my demonic state. He feared I would end up tossing her across the room again. Though that was a chance that she was willing to take if it meant she could save the life of her best friend.
A low scream was heard in the room.
A flash of images ran through Alice's mind and unwillingly came into my mind. The pictures were dark, Bella laying on the purple couch, cold and dead. Blood around her head, side of her neck and in her hair. Her blood. The images shifted from her to me. There I sit on the floor, my knees pressed against my chest. Dry sobbing. Clearly distraught beyond repair.
Another set of images followed. These ones were darker than the last. All of me with blood on my hands, with the sleeve of my shirt I wipe away the last drops of the forbidden goodness from my mouth. I turn to the couch where Bella lays pale, glazed eyes opened in shock and fear, forever staring up into nowhere, unmoving, not breathing. Next to her, I fall to my knees, begging her to wake up but she does not. I scream her name, one long scream. Immediately I try to give her CPR with no avail. Nothing works. She does not come back. Does not wake up. She's obviously lifeless. Realization sets in of what I did and I want to be dead too. I turn around to face my brother with the honey blond hair. His golden eyes are pained, an unmistakable sadness on his face. In the background Alice cries. I beg my brother to end my half life, he shakes his head, he wont give me what I want. I continue to beg for death. For how can I go on without my beautiful Bella?
The images of the possible future end. There are no other pictures that show a better outcome.
"Edward! You can't do this! It cannot happen this way. You must stop! NOW!" Alice's voice is pained. Her thoughts were a mixture of anger and hurt for the friend she was fearing she would lose. "Jasper! Do something!" Alice pleaded, her voice sounding far away now. "Bella's slipping away."
"I'm trying." Jazz grunted, clearly struggling while I felt something tug on my body and heard something rip that was followed by an ear piercing scream. His voice also sounded far away. 'It's not easy to pry another vampire off of its prey. I've never had to do this. He loves her. Why can't he release her already?'
There was a cry of pain that made Alice let out a yell of panic and Jasper shout at me. I don't know the words that were spoken. For that held no interest to me. I only cared about blood.
The shouting carried on around me and I felt movement underneath me. There was also something attempting to pull me away where I wanted it to be the most. With each tug I felt my body endure, my teeth sank deeper, the ripping sound continued, the screams grew a little louder and the shouting around me became more foresfull. There was only a small part of my brain that was aware of all this. The rest of me remained detached from my surroundings, only caring about the luscious taste and the glorious scent that filled the air.
I took a gulp of the wonderful liquid. The sublime fluid ran down my throat, soothing the burn that I had felt for the past several months since she and I met. Another mouthful of the sinful deliciousness entered my mouth. My tastebuds danced with delight and the Heavens sang. My eyes closed in gratification. There has never been a teste like this before and there will never be again.
If there was one reason for my long existence I was sure this was it.
I swallowed another mouth full of wonderful warm blood. A missile followed by an explosion that went off in my mind. Joy shot through me like a lighting bolt. This was glorious.
From my mind's eye I saw a tsunami of pictures that raised and fell though a pitch black tunnel through Alice's mind. We were running out of time. But I couldn't be bothered with that. For there was light at the end of the tunnel for me. Beautiful and bright. The delight I felt, the physical merriment I was experiencing was like no other. This was a high I have never felt and would neer feel again.
Their shouting carried on and something strong and determined was playing tug of war with my body. Making my body as rigid as could be I felt the flesh under my teeth rip and a howl of pain echoed through the house. There was more shouting as my body was being yanked away from the fountain of bliss. I growled. I wasn't going to let any of this ruin my joy.
'Edward, you must stop. You're going to kill Bella.' Alice silently pleaded, hoping I would listen. "Jazz, there isn't much time left! The outcome won't be good." She spoke out loud, her tone full of sorrow at the same time a gasping sound was heard in the background.
"God dammit!" Jasper was not in control of his voice anymore. He tightened his hold on me and pulled. "Edward! Think about what you are doing. Fuck! Bella is your mate. In every sense of the word, she is your mate! You need to end this madness."
From a hundred miles away Jasper counted to three, heaved with all his might with tiny Alice by his side trying to help him out. I felt a muscular force attempt to jerk my body away from the spot where blood followed like a tide rolling in. Not wanting to let go I sank my razor shape teeth deeper still. A blood curdling cry rang out through the room.
I took another drink. Letting it coat my tongue and flow down my throat but something was different now. The blood that had been so sweet, rich and thick was all wrong now. It was thin with a strange icey taste that I know as my venom, I could not figure out why the sweetness tasted of venom.
The wind howled. Shouts, pleds, and cries of panic erupted in the cabin. There was a sound that stood out from all the rest, the sound of an angel so pure and innocent, yet unmistakable pain in her sweet voice.
"Edward." The angel sighed.
"Yes, Bella! He's right here. Edward is here. Keep talking, honey." Alice's tone was excited and hopeful. For she saw what this could mean.
I took another sip of the tainted liquid. My brain was trying to process the commotion around me. My brother became quiet, never loosening his hold on me, pulling with all his might. My sister spoke words of encouragement to the angel to speak to me again.
"Edward, it hurts." The angel cried so low and light. "Please… Don't leave me…"
At once another memory ran through my mind. This one was bright and sunny and full of love.
There we stood by the water fountain - her and I - inside the main building of Forks High. She took a drink of water, stood up and wiped her mouth. I stood there as nervous as could be, waiting for her response. I ran a hand through my messy hair. The reflection of her deep chocolate brown eyes, so full of love, surprise and amazement bounced off of my golden eyes. There was an unmistakable look of love, hope and fear of rejection in my eyes.
I remembered that moment well. I had just confessed my love to her by the water fountain, the memories of that moment were really lovely because it was innocent. Everything about it was pure. I had been so nervous I could barely get the words out. Though, all my fears of rejection melted away when I saw the twinkle in her deep chocolate brown eyes. She looked so beautiful when she smiled at me and grabbed my hand, reciprocating my love. However, I was now seeing that moment in a whole new light. Everything was backwards, in a way.
These memories were not my own, I realized since I was now looking at me instead of her. They were Bella's memories. I was somehow seeing this beautiful innocent moment we shared from the early days of our love through her mind. These were her memories, of the way she saw me. So handsome, strong like a superhero that was very sure of himself. Though that was far from how I saw myself.
"Edward, I love you." Bella's voice was peaceful. 'I always will. Forever.'
That voice, her voice was just a whisper accompanied by her thoughts. Though somehow, her voice, the voice of which I belong along with her thoughts were louder than any other noise in the cabin. Her precious voice was strong enough to reattach my brain to my body, to break me out of my feeding frenzy and make me realize who I was feeding from and what I was doing - what would be done if I didn't stop. I couldn't let that happen.
At once I let go of suction that held my lips to her flesh. I released my teeth from her flesh, let go and lifted my head.
"I love you, Bella." I whispered in her ear through blood stained lips.
Simultaneously Bella sighed a happy sound, I felt myself fall backwards in my brother's strong embrace as we crashed through the glass coffee table beneath us. Sending shards of glass spiraling around us. Not even a second passed and he flipped us over, pining me on my stomach with my arms behind my back. I heard Alice who was beside Bella, speak rapidly on the phone to someone.
"Jasper," Alice's panicked high pitched voice called out. "I need your shirt and belt."
"What?" Jasper questioned, his knee in my back, a heavy hand under the nape of my neck and the other one cuffing my wrist together. Not once did I attempt to break out of his restraint, for I knew I messed up.
"Carlisle's on the phone," Alice clarified, her voice close to a sob. "Bella's going to bleed out. Jazz, I need your shirt and belt to fasten over her carotid artery as a makeshift tourniquet."
Still holding me down Jasper's mind was running through possible scenarios if he were to let me go and give her what she asked for. He did not like the outcome of any of them. Alice was going back and forth from soothing Bella who was crying to responding to Carlisle.
"Alice, I can't get up." Jazz simply explained. "I'm not about to let him go. Just get some clothes from one of the bedrooms." He dug his knee in my back, I welcomed the pain that I more than deserved.
"I can't do that. Carlisle says I need to keep pressure on the wound." Alice struggled to keep her voice leveled. Her thoughts all on her best friend who she was right next to, who didn't have much time left. "No, Carlisle, I can't…." She spoke on the phone in a shaky voice. "He's better now. Jazz has him… Yes. He's doing fine, he's only worried about Edward... She's still conscious but just barely." She paused for a second. "Yes. I'm pressing a couch cushion to her neck but there's nothing close by that I can tie around her neck... It's everywhere."
I laid there for a fraction of a second, trying to make sense of the nightmare I created. Bella took a breath of air while Alice rattled off answers that our father was asking her, the whole time she kept that couch cushion pressed on the wound. Never once did she think about the blood that was only inches away from her. Jasper wasn't thinking of it either, his mind was occupied with controlling me.
"Jazz," My voice was rough and scratchy.
"What?" His tone was skeptical, his thoughts were distrusting. He gripped my hands tighter.
"I need to get up. I need to save Bella." It was more of a plea than an explanation. While I spoke I did not move. I was more than aware that any movement I dare make my brother would mistake it for me struggling, trying to fight to escape his restraints which would only make him restrain me longer and delay Bella from being helped.
Jasper hesitated to respond.
"Please. I won't hurt her. She needs me." I begged.
Bella screamed and gasped for air. Alice was split into two, trying to soothe Bella and doing as Calrisle was advising her. With each breath Bella took, each more shallow and precious than the last I knew I needed to be by her side, I needed to help her. But my task wasn't exactly easy with Jazz holding me down.
Jasper sampled my mood. "Alice?" He called loud and clear wondering what to do. Though my mood was clamer he wanted to double check the outcome before releasing me.
But Alice was busy and didn't catch what Jasper needed.
"Alice," I pleaded. "Tell Jasper I won't do anymore damage. Please! I need to get up to help Bella."
'Oh.' Alice check ahead for us now. She saw I would be in control of myself. "He'll be fine, Jazz." She reassured him.
That's all Jasper needed to hear. He let go of me that instant.
I was up and off the floor and in a split second. I went right to the couch where Alice sat with the love of my existence who was clinging to life. My sister had her cell phone pressed to her ear, intently listening to the words our father spoke, the whole time she kept pressure on Bella's neck with a blood soaked couch cushion.
There was no time to take in the sight of how faile Bella looked. Her skin no longer had a rosy tone but was now paler than mine, her brown hair saturated with her own blood. I quickly removed my blood splattered shirt, ripping the sleeve off at the same time Jasper removed his belt. Alice "saw" my intent and removed the couch cushion from Bella's neck at the exact moment I needed her to do so. Blood so precious, needed to keep her alive spilled onto the couch from the huge gash. The smell of her blood was not as sweet as before but I had no time to ponder why that was.
Wasting no time and trying to act as quickly as possible knowing there was no time to spare. I wrapped my shirt sleeve around her neck, fastening it with Jazz's belt that he handed over to me while he kept the room at peace. All the while Alice was on the phone with Carlisle who was running over here as fast as he could while he spoke. With the makeshift tourniquet in place I knew what I must do. I had that thought in my head even before Alice put Carlisle on speakerphone, his voice was calm, yet heavy and out of breath from his run. He directed me on what needed to be done. Among the three of us I was the only one that could complete the task. The matter of half life or death was in my hands. Besides, I knew Bella had wanted me to do it anyways.
I leaned over Bella, looking into her eyes, unfocused and in a great deal of pain. "I'm sorry, love. I know this will hurt." The irony of the words I spoke. For I had already caused her so much pain tonight. "Please forgive me."
Bella's eyes met mine. Her eyes, even unfocused as they were, were full of love and trust for me, of which I no longer deserved. Agony was clear across her beautiful features. No words escaped her lips, only whimpers.
In that moment nothing else existed but her and I.
Before another minute passed I let the venom flow in my mouth, wild and free. Hovering over my love, my lips pulled back exposing my teeth. I leaned down further coming in contact with her delicate bicep. I bit down letting as much venom seep into her flesh. Feeling my teeth she screamed loudly. It was a sharp painful sound that filled the living room. Without giving it another thought to what I had just done I pulled away, grabbing her wrist, biting down and letting the venom seep in. She screamed again and I pulled away, still holding her hand. I was mimicking my father's wounds that he had passed down to me and now she would have them too.
Bella laid there withering in pain. Pain from the venom as well as the trauma I had inflicted on her.
Focusing only on Bella I tuned out the voice of my brother talking on the phone to our father now. As well as the voice of my sister. So sharp and demanding. Directing someone, I don't know who to pack up a shitload of cleaning supplies and drive it over here. We now had what resembled a crime scene to clean up. All the cleaning supplies that had been accidentally delivered to our house were now going to be put to use and in an odd way that thrild Alice.
The voices of my siblings seem so far away. Putting all other sounds out of my mind I concentrated on the sound of Bella's heartbeat. A sound that had always been lively and musical to me, but was now low and faint. She screamed as she burned. I knew it would be a while before the venom would make its way to her heart, the place that it needed to be the most.
Her screams turned into moans as her heart grew weaker. I must have drank too much blood. The sound of her heart was not good, too feeble.
The faint sound of Bella's heartbeat took me back to a time long ago. Back to a memory I hadn't thought about in ages. An event that changed my half life for the better but at the time I didn't know it would.
It was spring 1921. I had been enrolled in school for almost four months at that point. I was pretty comfortable in my routine of being an 8th grader, going to school regularly and getting good grades. Carlisle knew I had a rough start when I entered School due to my talent and praised me every step of the way. His praise as always made me strive to do greater.
Everything was going good so I was startled on that fateful day when he came home one evening earlier than he should. I was in the living room sitting at the wooden desk completing my homework, wondering why he wasn't at work, he hadn't mentioned coming home early. At first I assumed I had done something wrong and I was going to be in trouble. Though I couldn't figure out any wrongdoing on my part, I sat there with a pencil in my hand hovering over my paper, listening to his thoughts to offer me a clue. Though that didn't help since his mind was jumbled and frantic when he exited his car in a hurry. That was unusual, he always enjoyed coming home but he was never in a rush like this. I sat there at the desk in the living room as still as a statue, trying to make sense of his mind. As he shut the door to his car, opened another and shut that too. I heard him swiftly near the front door. His footsteps were unusually heavy and I caught the scent of a human that was unfamiliar to me.
The way my father's mind was, jumbled up and chaotic. Along with the scent of a human. I was very curious about what was going on.
Just sitting at my desk, my eyes on the door instead of my arithmetic homework. I sat there wide-eyed when the door flung open and my father darted in, holding a woman with caramel color hair that was covered in scrapes, twigs, dirt and leaves. Her dress was dirty and her body broken. She layed limp in his arms like a rag doll that had seen better days. The unknown woman appeared dead, though there was a very faint heartbeat that would have been too low for human ears to hear.
"Edward," Carlisle's voice was thick and firm as he walked into the house.
My eyes that had been on the unknown woman snapped up to him. My mind raced with questions but I didn't speak a word.
"I need you to go outside." His words were a mixture of a warning and an order. "When it's safe to come in I will go get you. Until then, you are to stay outside. Understood?"
"Yes, sir." I was up and on my feet at once.
Even though I had a thousand questions for my father about the woman and what was going on. I did not voice them. For I knew it was not the right time to ask.
I was out the back door before he could say another word. As he asked, I stayed in the forest until he came for me. Only then did I ask him who the woman with the caramel colored hair was. Her name happened to be Esme who was presumed dead and delivered to the morgue where he was working at. At that moment in time he believed she accidentally fell off a cliff and that's the information he shared with me. He answered all my questions with honesty, hiding nothing from me. Not even the bite he had to create on her neck, one on her bicep, and the one directly over her heart. He bit her so many times in order for his venom to have a better chance at spreading faster and saving her before her heart should give out.
Thump… Thump… Thump...
Bella's faint heartbeat rang in my ears, that sound brought me back to the present. To what I must do now to save my Bella. Letting the venom pool into my mouth, I leaned over her chest pulling down the top of her baby doll, just low enough so I would have access to her chest. I leaned down, sinking my teeth into her creamy white flesh, injecting as much venom into her heart as I could. Feeling my teeth sinking deeper she let out a blood-curdling cry and began to squirm. She let out another scream, I knew that was a sign that my venom was spreading through her body. I retracted my teeth, trying not to think about the taste of blood that lingered on my tongue. Using my shirt that was already stained and torn, I placed it over the bite I had just created. I held the wadded up shirt in place with my hand, applying pressure.
Seconds passed, turning into minutes. I sat there on my knees next to the couch with my hand to her chest pressing down. The last thing I wanted her to do is lose any more blood. Her eyes flug open and her body thrashed. She let out a powerful scream. Hearing her scream and seeing her body jerk erratically had me feeling grateful and horrible.
Grateful that my venom was working, spreading through her veins, giving her the strength to cry out. Horrible since it was not supposed to happen this way. She was never meant to be my prey. In no way, shape or form did my wife ever sign up to become my midnight snack before she entered her second life.
Bella screamed.
Apologizing. I rubbed her hand.
Bella's body convulsed.
Still holding the shirt sleeve to her chest to stop the bleeding. I whispered soothing words hoping she could hear me.
She cried out for me in pain, trashed and burned. The pain was bad. She closed her eyes tightly as tears slipped past her eyelashes and her face spasmed with pain.
I apologized, held her hand and comforted her, never leaving her side.
Bella's eyes flew open, her hands reaching out to me. "It burns!" She cried.
"I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry." I cooed, a phantom burn coursing through my own body. "My Bella, my love." I nuzzled my nose against her cheek. "You'll be okay. I'm here."
"Don't leave." She begged before she screamed.
"I'm not." I promised. "You'll be okay." I spoke those words again. I wasn't sure if I was trying to reassure her or myself.
She'd be okay, I was growing more and more sure of that with each second that passed. The question was how would she react when she should wake? Would she be frightened? Angry? Would she resent me? Would she still love me?
I wasn't sure of any of that. I had no answers to offer myself and that made it all worse. Though deep down in my mind there was a small voice that provided me with answers I was seeking. None of which I wanted to hear. However, all of them were the truth. I was unforgivable. She trusted me without limitations and I took her human life without warning in the worst possible way. I caused her physical pain which I said I'd never do. My actions were inexcusable. How would an angel such as Bella ever be able to forgive a monster like me?
While I sat there with Bella, Jasper and Alice began cleaning up. Taking out chucks of the busted wall, clearing away the broken coffee table, pieces of glass, as well as other pieces of broken furniture that got destroyed in the struggle because of me. The whole time they did this, Jasper was holding his breath and Alice was checking the future.
I was not sure how much time had passed while I sat on the floor next to the couch, holding her hand. I was only aware that the minutes ticked by when Carlisle arrived. He stood by my side, wind spent, his black doctor bag in his hand.
He offered comforting words to Bella and I. Quickly he went to work, checking her vital signs, assessing her covered wounds and noticing the shallow gash on her knee from the razor that had a puddle of dry blood on it. That one nick on her knee that was rather large, that blood had followed from when her knee hit mine tempted me and started it all. Carlisle had been a doctor long enough to know that the wound on her neck needed tending to. He was in fullon doctor mood as he opened up his bag and reached in.
"Edward," He spoke in his calm demeanor. I looked up at him. "I need you to administer morphine while I take a look and tend to her wound." He held out a syringe and two vials of injections. "Can you do that?" He asked when I did not move.
My eyes went to the blood stain shirt I was still holding in place. I didn't want to relieve the pressure. Didn't want the blood to spill. Even though I did not speak a word Carlisle understood my dilemma at once.
"It's all right, Son." He spoke evenly, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Take a look at that wound."
Knowing we had to work quickly, I did as he asked. I was surprised to find that the crescent shape bite above her heart was covered in dry blood, already healing. She let out a scream and her body jerked. I took the syringe and the set of injections from my father. Following his instructions as well as protocols, I slowly injected the needle into the most prominent vein on Bella's arm, both of us holding her still as I did this. She flinched as the needle went deeper and screamed, probably from the venom. I spoke soothing words that seemed to comfort her as morphine ran into her system in an attempt to ease the burning caused by my venom and the unnecessary pain I had inflicted on her.
"I'm sorry." My words were true and riddled with pain.
She screamed again as I gave her a second shot.
Seeing how I was handling fairly well - all things considered - with giving Bella the injections and holding her down so there'd be no accidents. Carlisle went over to her neck, removing the makeshift tourniquet in order to stitch her up. Though my venom would eventually heal every wound, only leaving scars where I had bit her. He wanted to stitch up any serious injuries where my venom would be able to escape delaying the process or even preventing her transformation. Assessing the situation Carlisle grew silent, even his thoughts gave nothing away. Looking up from my task, I peeked to see the damage I had caused. The sight was unbelievably frightening, the wound caused by me could have easily been mistaken for being caused by a rabid animal. Her skin was ripped and torn in different directions, revealing muscle tissue, no doubt that happened each time I sank my teeth deeper into her flesh when Jazz pulled on me.
I flinched at the sight. I then turned away giving Bella a third dose of injections. She kept on screaming.
The three of us were the only ones inside. Alice and Jasper were outside starting a bomb fire with the broken furniture. Destroying the evidence.
Carlisle began suturing the enormous tear along her jugular. His hands were moving fast, just a blur and his thoughts unexpressive. He knew I'd be listening to his mind as I injected her with morphine of which he had brought enough to tranquilize a very large bull. But I wasn't naive enough to believe that it would ease the horrible burning that she would soon be met with. For I had seen this done with Emmett so long ago. Even with the morphine that eased some of his pain he still felt the burn and thought he was in hell.
Simultaneously Bella screamed and I let out a holler full of fear and rage. How could I do this to someone so pure?
"Edward," Carlisle pulled me out of my state of pain. "Your venom is moving through her body. She'll survive. For now she needs another dose of morphine."
I nodded my head.
Trying to pull myself together I gulped. She needed me. I grabbed another vial of morphine from his bag and injected her, slow and steady. She yelled and her body tried to move but I would not let her. With each injection it didn't seem her body was processing the pain meds.
Bella went on screaming while I administered the injections and Carlisle stitched her up.
"My legs!" Bella randomly cried. "I can't feel my legs."
"Hu?" Confused, I looked away from the syringe that I held in her arm, I glanced at her legs, then at Carlisle.
"Bella, sweetie," Carlisle said in a fatherly tone, his hands were still in motion. "Can you hear me?"
"Yeah..." Bella sounded so weak, her voice trailing off at the end. "My legs are gone, they aren't there. I can't feel them." She sounded very scared.
With all the pain Bella was facing I wasn't sure why Bella was talking about her legs. I didn't believe her legs were injured. It made no sense to me. I went on injecting her, she cried about her legs again, this time her voice sounding a little stronger.
"What's wrong with her legs? Carlisle, why can't she feel them?" I was not in control of my voice.
'Edward, she needs you to remain calm.' He thought directly at me, never once stopping his work. "Don't worry about that, sweetie." Carlisle soothed her. "Your legs are fine, it's only the morphine."
Hearing that I relaxed a little. There was nothing wrong with her legs; she was only on a morphine trip.
Carlisle worked fast stichting up her wound while I gave her more morphine. She continued to scream. She was in pain beyond belief. Seeing her in pain, knowing she was hurting and there was nothing I could do to stop it was a pain like nothing I have ever felt before. I felt very helpless. Giving her the last of the morphine I prayed to God to take away her pain and for her to be able to forgive me. I knew that preying was a longshot, but what did I have to lose?
When Bella's wounds were all stitched up she let out an ear piercing cry. Her eyes were open, staring blankly at the ceiling, her body thrashing around, she was moving so much I had to hold her down. She was in a world of pain she never knew could exist. She had told me more than once she was ready for this but I knew otherwise. For to this day as clear as glass, I could still remember the burning of my own transformation. Every hour that past, each agonizing second that I burned. I remembered it all.
It frightened me the first time Bella told me she wanted to become immortal like me. I had protested many hours until I caved when we made our deal - a trade of sorts - marriage for immortality. That was just three short months ago.
Now she was hurting. Burning. Screaming. It was a lot for me to bear though it was nothing compared to what she was experiencing.
I sat there with her, holding her down and trying to offer comfort while she burned. Carlisle was speaking words of comfort to her as well to me as he gathered the blood stain items he needed to dispose of.
"I'll be right back." Carlisle said to me, once he gathered everything up.
I nodded my head. I knew he needed to burn the blood-soaked items.
Without another word he was out the door. Bella and I were left alone with the TV still on. A sad reminder of how our night began, innocently relaxing on the couch watching a movie before I became the monster and almost killed her.
My wife laid there, her eyes closed, body taut but she was breathing. Bringing my hand to her face, caressing her cheek I felt a horrible pain in my core. I had selfishly put my pleasure, my need for blood, above her safety which I vowed to never do. Venom tears that would never fall welled up in my eyes. How could I do that? I almost cost her, her life.
How could I be so cruel to someone so pure? I am truly a horrible, ruthless monster.
My eyes took in the site of her beautiful face. Her pale skin and features pained. My fingers hovered over her mouth, tracing her plump bottom lip. Where an unmistakable mark was. The bite mark of my teeth.
Trying not to think about how the first drops of her blood tasted on my tongue. I continue caressing her bottom lip. Those beautiful lips that feel like velvet next to mine.
Her lips like always pulled me in. I placed a gentle kiss upon her lips.
Bella's eyes flung open and she let loose a screeching cry.
"I know, baby. It's alright." I spoke softly in her ear. "I know it hurts. I'm so sorry, Bella. I love you."
I couldn't express enough just how much I was sorry for all this and how much I loved her.
She let out a few more cries, her body tried to fumble off the couch but I wasn't letting her do that. I held her in a strong loving embrace. Hoping with all my might that there would be redemption for a demon like me.
I heard my father's footsteps before I saw him. I looked up and there he was standing across the room, manually turning off the TV. Just as the expression on his face was giving nothing away neither were his thoughts. He was keeping those to himself.
"Your brother and sister went back to the hotel they were staying at." He said, walking over to Bella and I. "They'll return a little later with your car."
I nodded my head.
He didn't speak of the reason for their departure, but I knew. It was the blood. The cabin reeked of it. The couch was saturated in it. Bella herself, had it all over her hair. It was also on the floor as well as on me.
The site and the state of the cabin really did resemble a crime scene. Blood everywhere, broken floorboards and walls. So much for keeping the cabin in good shape.
Bella moaned in pain. I closed my eyes tightly. When I opened them Carlisle was kneeling next to Bella, his fingers tracing her neck. Right where he had stitched her up, checking the sutures.
"Is everything okay?" I questioned.
"Yes." His eyes snapped to meet mine. The reflection of my crimson irises were seen from his golden ones. In his mind he harbored no resentment for the horrible color. "When the stitches dissolve, possibly in the morning or tomorrow evening, depending on how fast the venom spreads. She'll need to be cleaned up." He looked back at the blood that was all over her hair.
I nodded my head. It was more than obvious that Bella was in need of a good shower and a change of clothes. I didn't want her waking up to her second life looking like she just stepped out of a horror movie.
I turned my eyes from my wife to my father. He was examining each bite now.
"You really think the laceration will heal that soon?" I asked, my voice low and regretful.
"Yes." He answered matter-of-factly. His eyes were now on the razor cuts on her legs. "Your venom is already spreading through her body and healing her. Take a look at the bite over her heart, it is almost a scar."
I took a quick look at her chest. He was right about that. Right there where I had bit her there was a deep red mark surrounding the crescent shape. It had a reddish hue and dry blood around the area that was already closed.
"She'll be okay?" I desperately wanted to know.
"Yes, Son." He spoke in a reassuring tone. "Bella will be fine."
"How long will it take for her to wake up?" I badly needed a specific answer.
"You know as well as I do that the process takes two or three days." He stood to his feet placing a hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "All we can do is wait. But for now, we need to move her. Everyone will be arriving soon and I must dispose of this couch."
I sighed. I preferred that she rests comfortably and not be moved through this painful process. Though, I knew he was right about the couch.
I knew that the strong smell that lingered in the house and was now embedded in the fabric of the couch didn't bother him, he's used to the scent of human blood after all. Unfortunately, it also wasn't bothering me like it normally would have. I was so full. In fact, I thought that even if a deer laid outside bleeding, that smell wouldn't bother me either. I doubt it would have any interest to me. However, I knew that the rest of our family wouldn't be able to handle the smell of human blood. Neither would Bella when she awakes. Even the old scent of her own blood would be too much for her to bear. She'd go crazy and wouldn't be able to think smelling that powerful delicious aroma. She'd probably go running off in the direction of the town looking for a human to become her prey. I couldn't have that. The outcome wouldn't be good.
Moving very carefully I scooped Bella up from the blood-soaked couch. Doing my best to support her whole body I carried her to the messy room, turning on the light switch so it would be light for her eyes. Carefully I laid her on the bed. I swiftly went over to the closet, pulling out one of my shirts and a pair of her leggings for her to wear. I wanted her to be in something more respectable in front of my family. Sexy lingerie was not really appropriate for everyone to see her in. I quickly dressed her, she moved and moaned in pain as I did so.
When I was finished dressing her, without warning her body trashed as she screamed. I laid on the bed next to her on my side holding her close to my chest. I talked while I held her, trying to give her comfort. I owed her that much.
Over her cries and screams I could hear my father hard at work in the living room. When it was quiet, all except for Bella's cries, I knew he was outside.
Every sound my wife made, every move her body made on its own accord while she burned drilled a huge hole of pain in my own unbeating heart. I always knew that this day would come, we had talked about it, she had wanted it after all. There was never really a set date of when it would happen. Though I never imagined that her last day as a human would start out so loving with us passionately making love on the bed that she now laid on in pain, to having a nice double date with my brother and sister. Only to come back to the cabin where she would become my prey.
She screamed. I soothed her. She attempted to thrash around. I lovingly held her in my arms. She burned. I felt an unmistakable pain throughout my body. She cried. Thoughts of guilt ran at lightning speed through my brain.
I laid there holding her, not about to let her go. Soon I heard my father walking into the room. I looked over at the threshold as he walked in.
'She's doing good.' He thought as he walked over to us. "The morphine seems to be reliving a bit of the pain."
From my mind's eye I saw that he was comparing the differences between mine, Esme's and Rosalie's transformation, none of us had any pain meds during the process. To Emmett, who had been given a decent amount of morphine but didn't do half as well as Bella seemed to be holding up. Then again, Bella had been given a hell of a lot of morphine, a lot more than Emmett had. I will forever be grateful to my father for acquiring all the pain meds. I just hoped he would be able to forgive me for my demonic actions.
"I know I'm unforgivable." I began looking at my father from where he stood by the foot of the bed. A lump forming in my throat, making it slightly difficult to speak. "But I want you to know that I really am sorry."
Compassion was written on his face as he quickly encircled the bed, making his way over to me and wrapping me in a hug. With my hands wrapped around Bella, not about to let go I was unable to return his hug. Though I did lean into his embrace before he let go of me and sat on the bed next to me.
"You are not unforgivable. Never. Don't think that about yourself, not even for a second." Carlisle spoke firmly yet very calm, resting his hand on my shoulder as a gesture of comfort. 'This situation is of course not ideal. However, it's not unforgivable and neither are you.'
"You're not mad at me?" I questioned, the lump still in my throat.
"No. Of course not." He squeezed my shoulder as Bella moaned. 'Bloodlust is an unfortunate part of who we are. The turn of events is not ideal of course, nevertheless I'm grateful for the outcome.'
I was quiet. Bella was burning and my father wasn't angry with me. That was so like him to add himself as part of the monsters who have lusted over blood even though he never has. I had just committed a horrible offense and he still loved me. I had expected him to show me wrath for messing up but I should have known that wasn't in his nature. That's just what I felt I deserved.
"Now," He said with his hand still on my shoulder. "You did briefly brooch the topic to me of your ever growing bloodlust with Bella's blood." He took a deep breath and continued the rest in his mind. 'That was particularly strong during intimate moments. Is it fair to say that you didn't exactly tell me how bad it was becoming?'
"Yeah." I said, venom welding up in my eyes.
I was glad that the way I was lying and holding Bella with my back to my father. That my face was not visible to him. I knew my face was written with shame along with my horrible red eyes. I now resembled a special kind of demon. The kind that belonged at the bottom of the fiery pits of hell for all eternity to never be seen or heard from again.
"Is that because you were trying to handle your struggles on your own? Or did you not know how to express what you were feeling?" There was no judgement in his voice when he asked this question. He was simply trying to better understand the circumstances that led up to this moment.
"Both." I answered honestly.
Carlisle grew silent, pondering over my honesty. He allowed me access to thoughts that bore no judgement. He wanted me to know that I could go to him with any tangible problem I may have. No problem would ever be too big or too small for him to help me with.
I sighed. I knew every word he thought was true.
Suddenly Bella's body jerked. I held her tight. Her unfocused eyes searched around never looking at anything in particular as she yelled. She was suffering.
Simultaneously Carlisle and I each thought about the burning from our own transformations.
I have always found it strange that human memories fade through the years, or in the case with Alice and I, both of us never had human memories to begin with. But all of us still can recall how it felt to burn when we made that irreversible transition from mortal to immortal.
Bella thrashed a little more with screams that echo through the whole house. Several minutes passed and her body settled down. Her screams became moans with tears streaming down her face. I wiped them away, caressing her soft face.
Laying with my wife, holding her while she suffered. I couldn't stop thinking about the inevitable. The one thing I was scared of most. I wasn't sure if Carlisle would have answers for me but it was worth a shot to ask.
"Dad, do you think…" I began in a shaky voice. "That Bella... Will… Well, will she hate me when she wakes up? Considering everything I did, I mean." My voice broke at the end. He squeezed my shoulder.
There was a time I had wished as well as dreaded that I would say or do something that would make Bella turn her back on and shun me. Nothing I ever did or said made Bella run for the hills. But what if this was it? What if she awakes and won't want anything to do with me? I knew I deserved that but how could I go existing through the rest of eternity without her?
'I don't think she will hate you, Son. I don't think she could ever stop loving you, as you couldn't stop loving her.' He patted my shoulder. 'However, this is certainly an issue to have a mature discussion with your wife about. Don't sweep it under the rug and assume she's angry with you. That can create problems in the long run.'
I swallowed the lump in my throat as Bella screamed again. I held her while I thought about what my father had silently told me. Bella grew quiet once more.
"So you're saying you think I'm immature?" I sarcastically asked, in an attempt to joke away my fears.
"Certainly not." Carlisle spoke seriously, though there was a smile in his voice. He knew my sense of humor and was glad I was able to joke a little after everything that happened. "Though you do have quite a bit of growing to do. In many ways you are still a child."
"I know." I sighed.
That was the part I had always disliked. Never being able to mature past my frozen age. But that was part of our curse. Purgatory at it's finest.
"More often than not when situations are out of your control. You have the tendency to fret and revert to your childlike ways." Carlisle continued. "It's understandable since our personalities don't change from when we entered this life. But now you are a husband and a creator. It's not only you that you have to think about. You have to talk to and make decisions with Bella. Marriage isn't all fun and games. Treat her as an equal. Otherwise you'll have problems."
I held Bella closer to me. "Sometimes talking about serious topics isn't easy."
"No one said that part would be." He chuckled, squeezing my shoulder. 'I'll always be here for you. But now it's your time to step up.'
"I understand." I took a deep breath.
Pondering over Carlisle's words I grew silent. He was right about everything. There was no denying that. I knew I had a lot of growing up to do and now it was my time to take care of a new vampire. My wife hadn't even awakened to her new life and I already felt an ownership, a responsibility that I had only heard about from the mind of my father as well as Rosalie. It's a very powerful feeling to experience for yourself.
Bella screamed, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Her pain was my pain. I still felt horrible inside. So guilty. I had betrayed her, how would she be able to forgive me?
She screamed again, this time she called out my name. Her body jerked and she yelled for me again.
"I'm with you, love. You're not alone." I cooed into her ear and she quite down some. "I'll be here with you from now until you stop burning. I promise. When you awake we'll go for your first hunt. You have alway wanted to see me hunt." I reminded her.
Carlisle patted my back, letting me know he was right there for both of us.
I talked to Bella as she burned. My voice was shaky as I poured my heart out to her, hoping with all my might that she could hear me. I told her about the first time we talked to each other, our first date and the first time I snuck into her room and spent the night with her. Had my father not been there I would have recalled other first. But since he was there I avoided such topics. While I talked Bella was clearly suffering. Hearing her cry out in agony was not easy. The hardest part was knowing I couldn't do anything to take her discomfort away.
Minutes passed by. My father advised me to get up and clean myself off since I still had dry blood on my mouth, chin and hands. He reassured me that he would stay with Bella but I declined. I had promised Bella when we made our deal that I wouldn't leave her, not even for a second during her change. That was not a promise I was willing to break. Carlisle respected that, he didn't push the issue again. A plan formed in his mind. He got off the bed and went out of the room. When he returned he held a blow full of water, a towle and a hand full of washrags.
I watched as he set the blow on the nightstand that was closest to Bella. He grabbed a washrag and dipped it in the water and rang it out. I saw his intent before he could speak a word and adjusted Bella and myself so we were slightly sitting up. He sat on the bed, this time next to Bella. Gently, he took the washrag and cleaned her neck then dried her off with the towel, the whole time he was talking to Bella, telling her what he was doing. She moaned and withered in pain but didn't scream.
When all the blood was removed from her neck he dipped the washrag back in the blow, rang it out then brought it to my face. He cleaned the dry blood off my face like a father cleaning dried ice cream from his little boy's mouth. His thoughts as always were kind and caring. Never once did he have an ill thought toward me for what I had done.
I watched quietly as he dipped the wash rag in the water again. This time he brought the wet wash rag to my hands that were interlocked at Bella's right shoulder.
"Once your mother and siblings arrive." He began calmly, doing his best to clean my blood stin hands without me letting go of Bella. "We're going to have a few errands to complete and come up with an excuse we will be providing for Charlie." He said sadly, still cleaning my hands.
I nodded my head. "What are we going to tell him?"
"I have an idea but I need to discuss matters with your mother before I make the final decision." He explained, drying my hands with the towle now.
I didn't say anything but I saw the plan in his mind. It seemed like a logical and possible explanation of why Bella wouldn't be returning home, nor would Jazz, Alice or myself for that matter. Now I understood why he'd have to talk it over with Esme first. She may not be comfortable with that cover story.
As soon as he was done cleaning us up the best he could, he took the bowl and soiled linens. He then left the bedroom to dispose of the items he just used.
I then setted Bella and I back on the bed. She cried out and her body spasmed. I did my best to soothe her. Every second she was in pain so was I. I knew these were going to be a long couple of days.
Carlisle returned to the bedroom and sat with Bella and I. We talked for a while as Bella laid in my arms suffering unimaginably. Though all things considered, she was doing fairly well.
In the dead of the night Carlisle and I heard Esme pull up in his Mercedes, followed by the cleaning crew, which was all of my siblings. Leaving Bella and I alone in the room my father went outside where they all stood. No one wanted to come in because the scent of blood, even though it was dry it was too strong.
While Bella laid there in my arms burning, screaming every now and then. I heard my father run the plan by my mother, she agreed that it would be the best course of action. The most easily explained excuse. Alice reassured our parents that the plan would be believable and would work. Carlsile then informed my siblings of what needed to be done. With everyone on board Alice, Jasper and Emmett got in my car to go carry out Carlisle's plan. While our parents and Rosalie stayed behind, unloading cleaning supplies from Emmett's Jeep. They quickly stepped inside, getting to work and removing the smell of blood from the cabin.
Before the first rays of dawn peeked through the sky the cabin was cleaned. My siblings arrived back to the caib without my car, the first part of the plan was all taken care of. With everyone back together Carlisle confiscated and destroyed Alice's, Jasper's, Bella's and my cell phones. He wasn't being harsh. It was necessary for him to do in order for us to keep up the ruse. The four of us had to be unreachable if anyone - especially Charlie - should try to contact us.
The hours passed by slowing. Life was going on in the living room where my family was. Every now and then someone would check on us, usually my parents but sometimes my siblings did as well, while Bella burned and screamed. This part of the transformation wasn't easy for anyone. Each of us could all remember the horrible burning sensation that once coursed through our whole bodies, the price for everlasting youth.
In the late afternoon Carlisle's phone rang at the same time my mother's did. Both of them were receiving calls from the local police department here in Canada. My father's plan was now in motion. A sad thought crossed my mind as I heard them step out of the house to take the calls that no parent wants to get, was that Charlie was most likely receiving this call too. Or he would be soon enough.
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Edwad's bloodlust really got the better of him. At least he finally let go of Bella.
Poor Bella, she really went through so much trauma. But she's getting her wish to finally become a vampire.
What do you think the excuse that Carlisle came up with about Bella not coming back home the next day when Charlie is expecting her? I'd love to hear your thoughts about it.
Any thoughts on this chapter - big or small - I'd be more than happy to read and respond to them. :)))