AN: If anyone read the last piece within like 3 hours of posting, um please go back and read the last little bit. I wavered between whether or not it belonged with 27 or 28 and obviously decided after posting that I was wrong.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Chapter Twenty-Eight
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
The eighth day after Claire's birth, he arrived home from town to find Scarlett holding Claire seated between her aunts on the sofa in the sitting room. Pauline was reading aloud, Eulalie had her needlepoint in her hands but it was being neglected as she watched Scarlett, especially as Rosemary was doing her best to keep Nicholas from climbing up his mother's skirts to join her.
His wife was dressed for the first time since Melly died, she was in the black crepe again. It was a relief to see her in the black crepe.
He had done everything he could to keep her grief at bay for the safety of her life and Claire's, her aunts though had survived their losses, they had lived through them for years. That was Scarlett's new challenge how to return to the world, a world without Bonnie or Melly.
He smiled from the doorway and offered his greetings before retreating to his study until dinner.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
They were in the parlor after dinner with the children when Pauline remarked that the baby appeared to be ready to feed. Scarlett had barely looked up from the book he was fairly sure she was only pretending to read.
"Rhett please ring for the nurse," Scarlett said with a brief look in Rhett's direction.
"You appear to have recovered your strength; you don't wish to-"
She stopped her husband from continuing on, "If I did would I have asked you to ring for someone else?"
Wade, Beau and Ella all paused in their game with Rosemary and turned towards the couple, Nicholas having already been taken upstairs by Elizabeth and Eulalie when he had refused to leave his mother alone.
"You nursed the other children," he commented.
"Children, why don't you find Prissy and get ready for bed," Scarlett said with a look over at them.
"But Mother it's only-" Ella said with a confused frown as she looked at the ornate gilt bronze clock hanging on the wall.
"We'll ready for bed and then you can play in my room," Wade said standing.
"I'll accompany them," Rosemary stood as well.
The children said goodnight as Pauline also stood while holding Claire, who was quickly growing fussy, saying she'd bring the baby up to the nursery.
The moment the room cleared he turned his attention back to his wife, "If you don't nurse her soon, you likely won't be able to."
"She seems perfectly fine with the wet nurse."
"The wet nurse is not her mother."
"I only nursed Bonnie for a matter of weeks."
It was on the tip of his tongue to make a comment. There were a litany of them he could make. "It's your decision to make."
"Hardly seems that way when you bring it up in front of my aunt and your sister. Speaking of which, will they be here for much longer?"
"If you wish for them to leave, you may take it up with them. Do recall that if you do then you will have three grieving children on your hands, unless your honorable Mr. Wilkes recalls that he has a son he should be caring for and retrieves him."
"Mr. Wilkes just lost his wife."
"Yes and the boy lost his mother, it might be nice if he was shown he still had a father. Might I suggest a longer leave from the mill? " Ashley had gone in for one day and he created at least two days' worth of cleaning up after him.
"Do you need me to ride to the mill when I just had a baby."
"I need your employee to do his job."
She stood, "Leave me the books, I'll deal with them in the morning. I imagine I overdid it for my first day out of bed. I believe I'll retire."
"Goodnight Scarlett."
"Goodnight Rhett."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"Did Scarlett not come down?" Rhett asked his mother separately the next day after greeting the family present in the sitting room but drawing his mother into a private conversation.
"She found it difficult to concentrate on the books with Nicholas and Claire."
He sighed, "Did she go to our rooms?"
"I believe so, Mammy brought the baby to her to nurse."
"She fed the baby?"
"Mammy brought the baby before Scarlett dressed. I wouldn't be surprised if she attached the baby herself."
It occurred to Rhett that he should laugh at his mother's comment and he let out a superficial laugh.
"Son, I know this is a challenging time-"
"Yes her best friend just died, she had a baby and Bonnie-" He paused before continuing on, "I'm quite aware this is a challenging time for Scarlett."
"It's a challenging time for everyone," Elizabeth amended. "You and the children included."
"Is there something wrong with the children?"
"Not in particular, they seem to be coping rather well. Although, I do believe that Wade misses riding."
He hadn't taken the boy riding since the Thursday before Melly passed. Scarlett had insisted on its return weeks after Bonnie's death. It wasn't even something that needed a discussion. Wade had to be able to ride, he had to be able to safely handle a horse there were only a handful of years left until Wade would leave the family for school. They couldn't send him out so unprepared. The boy had previously made requests and questioned decisions regarding their rides. There had been none since Bonnie. Not to ride across a creek, not to jump a fallen tree. The boy slowed down the moment he was told to and never questioned his stepfather while they were riding.
"Perhaps Rosemary-"
"Has Rosemary ridden in the last decade?" Rhett questioned.
"I don't believe she has since we lost Tulip Hill."
"If Rosemary has not been riding in twelve years, I would rather she not do it for my benefit."
"So you'll take him?"
As if she'd given him an option, "Yes Mother. I'll take him after school."
"What about dinner?"
"Could you have something packed for us?"
"Will you be taking Beau?"
"I imagine the town would be at our door with torches should I dare to teach Melanie Wilkes' son to ride."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
They slept on opposite sides of the bed now. The larger bed she'd had made at the start of their marriage in deference to his size now taunted him as three feet lay between them each night. Every night he walked in to find Scarlett already asleep and nearly hanging off her side of the bed she was so close to the edge.
And she was always asleep before him claiming exhaustion shortly after dinner and retiring to their room, taking either tea or supper in the privacy of their room. She had taken to nursing the baby several times throughout the day and spending time with Nicholas again. She engaged the older children in conversation. Superficially she seemed fine. They seemed fine. There was a part of him that wondered if that were true.
Then he would spy her clutching the bedsheets on the side of the bed. He would notice how everyone, but Scarlett would be holding Claire whenever he came upon her. He would recall the only time Scarlett had stayed downstairs past 6pm was to talk to Ashley Wilkes when she had summoned him to talk about the mill. She spoke more to Ashley in that one night than she spoke to him all week, likely more than she spoke to any of them.
He was relatively sure she was drinking again. Not a lot, certainly nowhere near as much as him, but he could see the difference in her eyes as they took dinner. Occasionally he caught a whiff of the scent that he was sure didn't come from him and certainly not their family.
Eulalie left after two weeks this time. It occurred to Rhett in the days after she left that no one else made mention of leaving, despite the fact that the remaining Butler family was alive and healthy. His mother and Pauline renewed acquaintances that they had made that summer. His sister began to receive visitors with Scarlett, a mix of Melly's friends and the few of Scarlett's northern friends that hadn't been offensive enough for him to rip the children out of the house while they visited, one or two of her white trash friends had somehow slipped into that group and he could hardly throw them out while his sister was in the parlor with them laughing. He was more than a little concerned by his sister's seeming preference of the northerner's rather than the gently bred ladies so similar to her friends back home. However, he was more concerned about his mother, Rosemary and Pauline all appearing to make Atlanta their home.
As if he and Scarlett would never be trusted to care for themselves and the children on their own again.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Every morning when he awoke he was reminded by how greatly his life had changed. There was no lull, no easing into the loss as he awoke without Scarlett pressed alongside him. There had been a few brief seconds while she was still expecting Claire that he would be unaware of the great loss they suffered. Life would seem normal; it would seem right. Her scent surrounding him, cushioning the blow of what was to come.
Only now he awoke every day without her scent or touch, often awakening to Mammy waking Scarlett to feed the baby. Claire didn't sleep at her mother's bedside as Nicholas had for the first several months of his life. Claire wasn't lifted out of her cradle by her mother speaking an adoring higher pitched greeting, there were no endearments, no words of love. The act was perfunctory. He had seem more warmth between a farmer and a cow.
He wanted to scream at Scarlett to look at the baby in her arms. The purse of her lips, the way her little hands didn't quite know what to do, sometimes clenching in the air, other times pressing into her mother's skin.
He wanted to, but he didn't because there were far too many moments when looking at Claire brought more pain than he could handle. It was unbearable loving someone so much and having the mere sight of them cause you pain. He understood it from Scarlett, he had felt it so often in the two years after Bonnie, he felt it again now.
Scarlett with all of her star-crossed loved with Ashley Wilkes had likely never experienced such torture. Scarlett had shown more warmth with Ella than she did Claire. Ella, who had been born for the sake of her mother's pockets. Not Claire who had been conceived because she was wanted, she was conceived for her mother to love her, the one thing her mother was now incapable of doing.
He couldn't bear to stay in the bed with Scarlett as she nursed the baby or even the room. He retreated to the bathroom every morning when Mammy brought the newborn. Oh he'd smile when he was dressed and took the baby from her mother's arms just as he always did with Nicholas, Scarlett smiled back. The masks that they nearly always wore.
Hers would slip. Dr. Meade had said it was from the baby, but Scarlett could be walking along a hallway and suddenly be reminded of Bonnie and the mask would fall. Sometimes Scarlett would as well depending on how fiercely the grief struck her. Collapsing in a heap as she cried because she would recall Bonnie in that exact spot. She had rushed away from the dinner table more than once, although most days she would simply freeze and be lost for a few moments.
Bonnie was throughout the house, every corner he turned he expected to find her.
So he said nothing, he smiled and told Scarlett to have a good day and he'd see her in the afternoon. He'd leave the room hand Claire off to Mammy or Prissy or Sally. Gather up Nicholas, who had moved in with his eldest sister since the arrival of Claire, much to Ella's delight.
Listen to Ella rattle on about her day or her dreams as they traveled downstairs, on school days when Beau was with them, the boys always entered the dining room together, always talking up until the moment they entered the room. They would often go silent rather than getting Ella involved in their discussion. Rosemary the only one of the adult females who would join them at the table to break their fast. She kept the conversation going each morning, kept the children occupied and Nicholas from throwing food off the tray of his high chair.
Rhett read the paper and tried not to recall how hard it had once been to focus because of his daughter's constant interruptions. Trying not to recall how he had once found it trying. Trying not to recall the joy and exasperation when she would climb onto his lap mid meal.
Waiting until the deep breath of relief came as he stepped out the front door each morning.
Thanks for reading!