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Always:
Her breathing became ragged and out of control. Rachel was sure that tears were streaming down her face. Nothing could have prepared her for the abundance of emotions which had taken over her mind whilst reading Eddie's letter.
All she could think about was how different things could have been. She blamed herself, for pushing Eddie away after the fire and again as their relationship came to a close. Yet now, she intended to put things right. Because she did still love Eddie - with all her heart. And on top of that, she knew that he was her first priority just like he said she was his. Rachel didn't think anything would ever change that.
With her mind already made up, she knew that she had to get everything in order. Of course she was going to be with Eddie: that much was certain. But with Natasha, things would be different.
As if the little girl had heard her, she began to stir at that moment, and at a guess, Rachel thought she must be hungry.
Swiping the tears away from her face, she nodded to herself, smiling down at Natasha.
"Let's get you sorted out shall we? And then we are going to go and find your daddy. How does that sound?"
….
Aside from distracting himself with a walk down by the lake, Eddie didn't think he could escape thoughts of Rachel and the letter he had sent her. Along with that, came an immense sense of guilt. Leaving Michael, Natasha and Isabelle without a father was the last thing he wanted or intended to do.
But Eddie felt as though he'd been failing: failing at his duties as a dad. And they didn't deserve that, did they?
No. This was the best way. He had to get himself in order. Which took him back to Rachel. Because Eddie knew deep down that she could help him do that. It was just whether or not she would turn up.
A large part of him expected her not to. It was understandable - they were supposed to have drawn a line under their relationship back in July. Not only that, she did have a school to run after all. And Rachel would be doing a damn good job of it, because she always did.
But a small part of him… a small part of him remembered the way they were. The way that they always supported each other. How amazing their relationship had been and how quickly his feelings had developed before that. There was no one but Rachel.
Arriving back at his room, Eddie's eyes were magnetised towards the photo frames he'd brought with him. Three of them: one of him and Rachel, taken just weeks before their split on a nearby beach - grins illuminating; a second of Michael, grinning at the camera as he slid down a slide - Eddie missed him tremendously; and finally, his twin girls - side by side, sleeping peacefully.
All of the people he loved most, held closest to his heart. He just wished he felt able to be a part of their lives.
A soft knock sounded and caused Eddie's heart beat to thud in turn. He couldn't expect it to be her, not yet. He didn't want to get his hopes up.
It was obvious that he'd frozen when a second knock rang out, and Eddie shot to his feet, purposefully slowing his breathing as he made a move for the door.
At first he almost thought he was seeing things, and had to blink upon taking in Rachel's features, reaccustoming himself with them.
"Hi," and then she spoke, her lips curving into a smile. With that, Eddie felt his own lips do the same - only a handful of times had this happened recently.
All he could do was laugh, still hardly believing his eyes, "Rachel… I. I wasn't sure if you'd come."
She glanced down briefly, looking rather shy, and Eddie had a sudden urge to gather her into his arms, "I was always going to come."
It was only then as he glanced down at Rachel, smiling at her hushed tone, that Eddie noticed the papoose carrier wrapped around her, and the baby asleep inside it. Or more specifically - Natasha, he noted from the mass of hair. This was something Isabelle didn't have (they weren't identical).
Eddie was sure that Rachel would have been able to see the worst case scenario playing out across his expression, which was the reason he gave for her placing a hand on his arm as he began to speak.
"What about Isabelle, is she…"
"Isabelle is absolutely fine, Eddie. But I do have a lot to explain."
He nodded, and allowed her to enter, just overly amazed that Rachel was finally here in his company - with Natasha too. How had this all come about?
….
The photos were one of the first things Rachel noticed as she walked into Eddie's room. He too had seen where her eyes had travelled, and all of a sudden began to look rather unsure of himself.
"That was a beautiful day," she chose to comment, referring to their day spent at the beach.
That provoked a smile from him, "it certainly was."
"Don't think I've ever been happier than I was then."
"Me neither," they sat down adjacent to one another on the bed, Rachel taking a while to get comfortable with Natasha effectively strapped to her. She was sure that she'd be waking for another bottle soon, "I always am with you."
She was unable to stop the slight flush as it spread across her cheeks, knowing she felt exactly the same way, "I've missed you too by the way," Rachel decided to admit, referring to Eddie's letter.
She knew that he couldn't help but grin at that - no matter how much they had to talk about, no matter what situation they found themselves in or how Eddie was personally feeling; nothing could stop that.
"How come Natasha is with you?" He asked the question which had clearly been on the tip of his tongue, both of their expressions turning more serious.
"Melissa… she. She turned up at my house, around three hours ago. Told me that she couldn't manage by herself, in fact, she practically begged me to take one of them - Natasha or Isabelle. In the end she passed me this little one," Rachel looked down briefly at her and smiled, glad that Eddie did the same even though his gaze remained incredibly uncertain, "and well, here we are I guess."
She was somewhat surprised to find Eddie shaking his head in disbelief, "she doesn't deserve you, Rach."
"Maybe not," Rachel raised a shoulder, "but this isn't about Melissa. This is about you. And… and your twins too."
She didn't miss the flash of guilt which flickered across his eyes, and she immediately felt the feeling flood her own being. Rachel had to concentrate on how Eddie was feeling about everything now.
Practically reading her mind - because he always could - Eddie began to speak.
"I mentioned it in the letter," he sat forward, with his elbows resting on knees - body tilted slightly so that eye contact could be made, "but after I found out about Melissa having twins. Things just got worse. And then they were early," Eddie looked towards Natasha as he said this, a fond expression on his face despite the circumstances, "which is something I'd… tried to prepare myself for. It didn't really pay off though. I just kept seeing Michael and Stephen."
Rachel couldn't resist it, couldn't resist stretching out a hand to grasp his. He welcomed the touch, gladly bringing to rest their entwined hands on his leg. Above everything, Rachel couldn't shake the thought of how comfortable this felt between them. As though nothing had changed when in reality, a lot had.
With Rachel by his side, Eddie had grasped the courage to continue, "I could feel myself spiralling. Knew something wasn't right. That wasn't helped by me barely getting to see Michael, what with me juggling working and assisting with looking after twins. I miss him a lot."
She squeezed his hand lightly, "I can imagine. There'll be a time, sooner than you think, when you'll equally feel up to and have the time to see him again, Eddie. He's certainly not going to forget about you."
There was a glint in his eye which told Rachel he was thinking the exact same thing as her. Why did they ever let each other go?
"Thanks Rachel. You always…" he stopped, looking uncertain as he glanced at the floor, "you always know exactly what to say."
She allowed a smile to grace her lips, amusement in her expression as she tilted her head, "I could say the same about you. I think that's because we know each other."
Rachel ran a thumb across Eddie's skin as she said this, quite predictably setting them both alight even though it had been intended for comfort.
With strangely impeccable timing, Natasha started to stir - letting out a single cry.
Eddie loosened his grip on her hand, allowing her own to slip away. Taking a glance up at him, Rachel wanted to ask if he wanted to do the feed, but she wasn't sure if he was ready for it.
"You do it, Rach," he spoke softly with a curt nod, once more predictably reading her mind.
With help from Eddie to remove the papoose and get Natasha out safely, she pulled out the ready made bottle whilst settling the little girl in her arms - glad when she took it without too much fuss. All the while, a contented atmosphere remained between them, and the way Eddie was looking at her frankly stole Rachel's breath away.